American Idiot: The Story, chapter 13
The apartment I bought was in the sub-urbs. It made me feel like the real Jesus Of Suburbia. It wasn't too far from my old home, where Mom and Brad live. As soon as I settled in, I felt home again. When I lived with my friends, I was more downtown. At the hotel, I was in the city. It took a little longer to get to work, but I could live with it. The next step in my new life was college. I started to look around for those too. Every weekend, I went to "The Hangout". Kaibe had listened to me, and got a job. He was looking for an apartment too. He encouaged Nige, Jaze, Dizz and Tice to do the same. They were all looking for jobs too now. I was glad they all did it. They still wanted to live at "The Hangout", which was fine, but they were getting the idea. One day, I was with them. We were in "The Corner", talking, laughing and having fun.
"Look how much fun we're having, even though were starting new lives. I knew we could do it" I told them
"You were right Jesus." said Nige
"I was thinking back to when I first came here. I was so excited to start this new life. I saw you guys on the first night and how much fun you were having, and I couldn't wait for me to be sitting in this corner. Now I am. And I was right about everything. This life is much better than my old one. And I'm glad I had the chance to meet you guys. Thanks for everything." I said
"Glad we could meet you, Jesus. Your probably the smartest one of us all and you taught us a lot. Thanks" said Tice
"Anytime"
"Do you ever feel like things might have turned out different, though? Like what would have happened if we never came here? How would we be today? Different or the same?" said Kaibe
"I really don't know" said Dizz. Everyone looked at me.
"What?" I asked
"You've always got somethin' to say Jesus, what 'ave you got to say now?" asked Jaze
"Well, think about how you were before you left home. You might've ended up like that, or differently. I really can't tell you that. But I think everything happens for a reason." I said
"That could be true" said Kaibe
"The last thing my dad said to me was 'Choose the right paths'. Just after Jim-uh...Whatsername left, I thought I didn't. But now I look at things and I know I have. Things don't exactly look the way I wanted them to be, but you can't plan your life out from when you were 16. Now, I think everything is gonna be okay again. Do you think you chose the right paths?" I said
"See, Jesus. You really are the smart one." grinned Tice
" I think I did. I'm having fun, but I'm working hard at the same time. It's what I've always wanted" said Kaibe
"Me too. I'm enjoyin' me life" said Jaze
"That's what counts. If you like your life, then you know you took the right path" I told them
"Jesus, I was thinking....Who's Jimmy?" asked Dizz
"What?" I said, looking at him
"On the letter from Tunny. It was adressed to Jimmy. Who is that?" asked Dizz
"Jimmy is....Jimmy.....Uh....Jimmy is a friend" I said
"Really? How come we haven't seen him?" asked Tice
"Well you have. You just don't know him"
"But why did Tunny write to Jimmy?" asked Nige
"I'm not sure.....Maybe he wanted Jimmy to see it"
"Did you show it to him?" asked Kaibe
"No.....Jimmy's gone. He left. I don't know where he is. He dissapeared." I said looking at the floor. I wondered where Jimmy went. I thought about him a lot.
"Oh...Will he come back?" asked Dizz
"No, probably not. Not unless I call him or need him." I said looking back at them. I changed the subject. "Hey guys, you should visit me at work, one day. I'll introduce you to Michael"
Eventually I went to college, just like I said I would. All my other friends got jobs and they were trying to encourage the other people at "The Hangout" to do the same. I changed my hours at work and only go at night now. Thank God, I don't have to see Michael anymore. I still keep in touch with all of my friends. I even one day, met Tunny. I was sitting in a café and I saw him with a girl. It was his girlfriend. He set up a date to meet with me back at the café. Next Saturday at 12:00 pm. I didn't tell the guys yet, because I knew they would get excited and wanna come. I would tell Tunny to meet them another day. My life was starting to turn out how I always pictured it. Me going to college, with a job. Me living in an apartment by myself and having so many friends who are kinda like me, in a way. I still had some stuff at my old room back at "The Hangout". I planned on keeping it there. That place was my second home. I knew I would have to take it out eventually, but not yet. I would wait. I even visited my old house. Mom and Brad were both there. As soon as she opened the door, she started crying. She was upset with me, but she was much more happy to see me. Brad on the other hand, started yelling at me. Telling me, I made my mother cry for months. That time, I wasn't silent. I yelled back. I told him I hated him, I told him to leave my mother alone and to stop yelling at her. I also told him to fuck off and to go to Hell. I quickly left, but not before I promised Mom I would come back...
One day, I was in my apartment sorting my desk out. I emptied my whole drawer out and was down to only a few things left. I took them out and spread them all out on my desk. I took a piece of paper and read it quickly. I realized it was the letter Whatsername sent me. I read the last two lines and a drop fell on the paper. I hated crying. It made me feel weak. I only cried a few times in my life. When my dad died and when Whatsername left. I wanted it to stay like that. I wiped my eyes and wondered what Jimmy would say if he saw me right now. I could almost hear him.
"Your weak Jesus, weak. Crying over that bitch. Pathetic."
I put the letter down and picked up a few photographs. Whatsername was so happy there. So was I. It seemed like I had millions of pictures and I just couldn't forget them. I couldn't forget her either. God damn it! Why was it so fucking hard to forget one fucking girl?! I forgot all my other girlfriends, but Whatsername was different. I even had a dream about her recently. I was walking and I met her. She didn't say anything and neither did I. We just looked at each other. But it was only a dream. A dream that would never come true.
Thought I ran into you down on the street,
But then it turned out to only be a dream...
I took all the pictures of me and her and I walked outside onto the roof of the apartment. There was a trash can up there so I threw them in. They still seemed to haunt me, so there was only one thing left to do. I took a match out of my pocket and lit it up. I looked at them one last time and threw the match in. I watched them slowly burn to ashes.
I made a point to burn all of the photographs,
She went away and then I took a different path.
It was starnge how I loved her so much, how I couldn't forget her, but I didn't even know her name. I should've asked her. I don't know why I didn't. At least I still had her face to remember. I don't know if it's lucky or not that she had such a beautiful face. It's how I remember her, but it's also how I can't forget.
I remeber the face, but I can't recall the name
Now I wonder how Whatsername has been.
I walked back inside and sat down at my desk. How could she have dissapeared so fast? I remember I looked everywhere for her, but I couldn't find her. Her friends didn't know where she went and she never told anyone else. I wished she were still here. At least then, I could've seen her again, talked to her again-But she was gone and she was never coming back. I wondered if she met someone else. Could he be better than me? I knew he could never love her as much as I did, but I just hoped he treated her better.
Seems that she dissapeared without a trace
Did she ever marry old Whatshisface?
It seemed like such a long time ago. It felt like years, but it had only been a few months. I wished I could have her back, I wished Jimmy would have listened to me. If he did, then maybe, we'd still be together. Maybe not. But I would've gotten to be with her longer. But now it was too late-nothing would bring her back.
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
The regrets are useless,
In my mind, she's in my head
I must confess
The regrets are useless
In my mind, she's in my head
From so long ago.
I knew that I would forget Whatsername eventually. It would just take a bit of time. I would have to focus on other things, like school, a job, my family, my friends, my life. I couldn't keep thinking about her, could I? But no matter what I do, I could never forget the time we spent together.
And in the darkest night,
If my memory serves me right
I'll never turn back time
Forgetting you, but not the time.....
"Look how much fun we're having, even though were starting new lives. I knew we could do it" I told them
"You were right Jesus." said Nige
"I was thinking back to when I first came here. I was so excited to start this new life. I saw you guys on the first night and how much fun you were having, and I couldn't wait for me to be sitting in this corner. Now I am. And I was right about everything. This life is much better than my old one. And I'm glad I had the chance to meet you guys. Thanks for everything." I said
"Glad we could meet you, Jesus. Your probably the smartest one of us all and you taught us a lot. Thanks" said Tice
"Anytime"
"Do you ever feel like things might have turned out different, though? Like what would have happened if we never came here? How would we be today? Different or the same?" said Kaibe
"I really don't know" said Dizz. Everyone looked at me.
"What?" I asked
"You've always got somethin' to say Jesus, what 'ave you got to say now?" asked Jaze
"Well, think about how you were before you left home. You might've ended up like that, or differently. I really can't tell you that. But I think everything happens for a reason." I said
"That could be true" said Kaibe
"The last thing my dad said to me was 'Choose the right paths'. Just after Jim-uh...Whatsername left, I thought I didn't. But now I look at things and I know I have. Things don't exactly look the way I wanted them to be, but you can't plan your life out from when you were 16. Now, I think everything is gonna be okay again. Do you think you chose the right paths?" I said
"See, Jesus. You really are the smart one." grinned Tice
" I think I did. I'm having fun, but I'm working hard at the same time. It's what I've always wanted" said Kaibe
"Me too. I'm enjoyin' me life" said Jaze
"That's what counts. If you like your life, then you know you took the right path" I told them
"Jesus, I was thinking....Who's Jimmy?" asked Dizz
"What?" I said, looking at him
"On the letter from Tunny. It was adressed to Jimmy. Who is that?" asked Dizz
"Jimmy is....Jimmy.....Uh....Jimmy is a friend" I said
"Really? How come we haven't seen him?" asked Tice
"Well you have. You just don't know him"
"But why did Tunny write to Jimmy?" asked Nige
"I'm not sure.....Maybe he wanted Jimmy to see it"
"Did you show it to him?" asked Kaibe
"No.....Jimmy's gone. He left. I don't know where he is. He dissapeared." I said looking at the floor. I wondered where Jimmy went. I thought about him a lot.
"Oh...Will he come back?" asked Dizz
"No, probably not. Not unless I call him or need him." I said looking back at them. I changed the subject. "Hey guys, you should visit me at work, one day. I'll introduce you to Michael"
Eventually I went to college, just like I said I would. All my other friends got jobs and they were trying to encourage the other people at "The Hangout" to do the same. I changed my hours at work and only go at night now. Thank God, I don't have to see Michael anymore. I still keep in touch with all of my friends. I even one day, met Tunny. I was sitting in a café and I saw him with a girl. It was his girlfriend. He set up a date to meet with me back at the café. Next Saturday at 12:00 pm. I didn't tell the guys yet, because I knew they would get excited and wanna come. I would tell Tunny to meet them another day. My life was starting to turn out how I always pictured it. Me going to college, with a job. Me living in an apartment by myself and having so many friends who are kinda like me, in a way. I still had some stuff at my old room back at "The Hangout". I planned on keeping it there. That place was my second home. I knew I would have to take it out eventually, but not yet. I would wait. I even visited my old house. Mom and Brad were both there. As soon as she opened the door, she started crying. She was upset with me, but she was much more happy to see me. Brad on the other hand, started yelling at me. Telling me, I made my mother cry for months. That time, I wasn't silent. I yelled back. I told him I hated him, I told him to leave my mother alone and to stop yelling at her. I also told him to fuck off and to go to Hell. I quickly left, but not before I promised Mom I would come back...
One day, I was in my apartment sorting my desk out. I emptied my whole drawer out and was down to only a few things left. I took them out and spread them all out on my desk. I took a piece of paper and read it quickly. I realized it was the letter Whatsername sent me. I read the last two lines and a drop fell on the paper. I hated crying. It made me feel weak. I only cried a few times in my life. When my dad died and when Whatsername left. I wanted it to stay like that. I wiped my eyes and wondered what Jimmy would say if he saw me right now. I could almost hear him.
"Your weak Jesus, weak. Crying over that bitch. Pathetic."
I put the letter down and picked up a few photographs. Whatsername was so happy there. So was I. It seemed like I had millions of pictures and I just couldn't forget them. I couldn't forget her either. God damn it! Why was it so fucking hard to forget one fucking girl?! I forgot all my other girlfriends, but Whatsername was different. I even had a dream about her recently. I was walking and I met her. She didn't say anything and neither did I. We just looked at each other. But it was only a dream. A dream that would never come true.
Thought I ran into you down on the street,
But then it turned out to only be a dream...
I took all the pictures of me and her and I walked outside onto the roof of the apartment. There was a trash can up there so I threw them in. They still seemed to haunt me, so there was only one thing left to do. I took a match out of my pocket and lit it up. I looked at them one last time and threw the match in. I watched them slowly burn to ashes.
I made a point to burn all of the photographs,
She went away and then I took a different path.
It was starnge how I loved her so much, how I couldn't forget her, but I didn't even know her name. I should've asked her. I don't know why I didn't. At least I still had her face to remember. I don't know if it's lucky or not that she had such a beautiful face. It's how I remember her, but it's also how I can't forget.
I remeber the face, but I can't recall the name
Now I wonder how Whatsername has been.
I walked back inside and sat down at my desk. How could she have dissapeared so fast? I remember I looked everywhere for her, but I couldn't find her. Her friends didn't know where she went and she never told anyone else. I wished she were still here. At least then, I could've seen her again, talked to her again-But she was gone and she was never coming back. I wondered if she met someone else. Could he be better than me? I knew he could never love her as much as I did, but I just hoped he treated her better.
Seems that she dissapeared without a trace
Did she ever marry old Whatshisface?
It seemed like such a long time ago. It felt like years, but it had only been a few months. I wished I could have her back, I wished Jimmy would have listened to me. If he did, then maybe, we'd still be together. Maybe not. But I would've gotten to be with her longer. But now it was too late-nothing would bring her back.
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
The regrets are useless,
In my mind, she's in my head
I must confess
The regrets are useless
In my mind, she's in my head
From so long ago.
I knew that I would forget Whatsername eventually. It would just take a bit of time. I would have to focus on other things, like school, a job, my family, my friends, my life. I couldn't keep thinking about her, could I? But no matter what I do, I could never forget the time we spent together.
And in the darkest night,
If my memory serves me right
I'll never turn back time
Forgetting you, but not the time.....
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