American Idiot: The Story, chapter 9
When I woke up I felt much better. I mean, I still missed Whatsername, but I thought maybe I could live without her. I checked my clock, which was the only thing that wasn't destroyed in my room and saw it was 10:00 pm. Right next to the clock was a picture of Whatsername. I took it and shoved it my drawer. I got up and went downstairs. I saw the guys at the corner and I decided to join them. I went over and sat down in my usual spot. The guys all looked at me, and then exchanged nervous glances. Only Tunny spoke.
"Hey Jesus, feeling better?"
"Yeah, a little." My voice had no expression. I sounded like a robot.
"That's great. Don't you worry, mate, your gonna get over her" said Jaze
"Yeah, I'll get over Whatsername"
"See, you already forgot her name!" Nige said
"I never knew her name. I used to call her that"
"Oh..."
"Anyway, what are you guys doing?"
"You know, the usual. Smoking, drinking, laughing about nothing"
"Well, actually we were talking about our lives" Kaibe said
"What do you mean?"
"Like, what we always wanted to do before we left home. You know, like what kind of jobs we wanted"
"Oh, cool." I grabbed a joint and gave it a puff
"I wanted to be an architect. Then a director, then an actor" said one of Tunny's friends called Tice
"How do you go from architect to actor?" asked Nige
"Dunno. I was small when I wanted to become an architect though."
"Me mum always told me I should've become some sort of writer or an illustrtor, because I was always good at that. But I wanted to become a movie director" said Jaze
"I wanted to be a lawyer, or maybe a Soccer coach" said Kaibe
"I always wanted to be an engineer" said Tunny
"I dunno if you guys realize this, but to get those jobs, you need a college education, which none of us have. Have any of you ever thought of going there?"
"Yeah, I guess.." said Tunny
"If you had the chance, would you go? I think I would. I mean this place is great, but I think I would like a great job that has good pay. When I was a kid, I never thought I would be selling drugs for a living."
"I never thought I would work at a 7-11 for a livin', but I am. And I really don't mind. I steal some cash out of the register every once in a while." said Jaze
"College is boring. I wanted to get away from school and teachers and work and going to college would be like going to Hell." said Tice
"School is boring, I agree with ya there, but school is how we're gonna get far in our lives. I mean this is the best place I've ever been to, but honestly, what the Hell are we doing with ourselves? All my life, am I just gonna sit here, smoke, drink and laugh with you guys like every other night? Am I gonna be selling drugs for the rest of my life? Am I gonna live in that tiny room for the rest of my life? I hope not! I mean what kind of life is that? I don't wanna do this for the rest of my life, do you? Think about it"
I looked at all of them in turn and got up. I went to my room and sat down on my bed. My own words made me think. I didn't want to stay here for the rest of my life. But could I go to college? I guess I could, I had a high school education. I guess I could find some kind of job and a small apartment. I was glad someone finally said it. Maybe it would have some kind of effect on those guys. My thoughts went back to Whatsername. She wanted to go to college too. I told her we could go together someday, when we were ready. Sometimes she would just nag and go on and on and on about it. That's when she was too needy. She always wanted something from me, I had to admit, but I was sure we could've made it work. It was too late though. I couldn't find her anywhere. I was worried. What if she commited suicide or something? Well, would she really do somethng like that because of me? I doubt it. She was a strong girl. But, then again, she was so upset when Jimmy broke up with her. I got scared, what if she did commit suicide? I decided in the morning I would go look for her. I lay down and closed my eyes. It was hard for me to sleep with so much on my mind, but I had to try.
The next morning I got up at around 9:15. I quickly got ready and went downstairs. I walked outside and decided to head to the restaurant that Whatsername works at. I went inside and asked the manager. I pulled a picture of her out of my pocket. He told me she hadn't come in. I thanked him and left. I went back to her apartment and looked through the window. I didn't see her anywhere. But, I couldn't see anything else either. The room looked pretty bare. I went to the park and looked everywhere. But I had no luck. Where could she have gone? I went back to the hangout and saw some of her friends. I ran up to them.
"Hey have you guys seen Whatsername?"
"No. The last time we saw her was yesterday, before she left with you. And her name isn't Whatsername, it's W-"
"Thanks" I cut her off and went back to my room. It was still a mess. There was even a small blood stain on the carpet. I decided I should clean it, it might get my mind off things for a while. After 3 hours of cleaning my room and taking a few breaks passed, I finally finished. I didn't have much furniture in it anymore, but it didn't matter. I still missed Whatsername. I was a little mad at her though. Why didn't she believe me? Yeah, I told her I had control over Jimmy, but it doesn't mean he can never take over me. I didn't know what to think anymore. I went downstairs and saw Tice walking towards me.
"Jesus, you just got this in the mail. I don't know who it's from." he said and handed me the letter. I looked at it and recognized the handwriting right away. It was from her. From Whatsername. I went upstairs in my room and sat down on the floor. The front of the letter said "To Jesus Of Suburbia" I tore it open and read it carefully.
Nobody likes you, everyone left you,
They're all out without you, having fun...
Where have all the bastards gone?
The underbelly stacks up ten-high.
The dummy failed the crash test,
Collecting unemployment cheques,
The flunkie only along for the ride.
Where have all the riots gone,
As the city's motto gets pulverized?
"What's in love is now in debt,"
On your birth certificate,
So strike the fucking match to light the fuse.
The town bishop's an extortionist,
And he don't even know that you exist,
Standing still when it's do-or-die,
You better run for your fucking life!
It's not over 'til you're underground,
It's not over before it's too late.
This city's burning, "it's not my burden",
It's not over before it's too late.
There is nothing left to analyze...
Where will all the martyrs go when the virus cures itself?
And where will we all go when it's too late?
And don't look back...
You're not the Jesus of Suburbia,
The St. Jimmy is a figment of-
Your father's rage and your mother's love,
Made me the idiot America...
I can't take this place, I'm leaving you behind....
I can't take this town, I'm leaving it tonight...
Goodbye........
-W-
I stared at it with my mouth open. I was right, it was from Whatsername. I didn't know how to feel. She said she was leaving this town, because she couldn't take it. Why? Did it remind her of me? It reminds me of her, everything did. Should I have felt sad because she was leaving and I would never see her again? Or should I have felt happy because I know she's alright and safe? I didn't know. I took another look at the letter. Something she wrote caught my attention....
You're not the Jesus of Suburbia,
The St. Jimmy is a figment of-
Your father's rage and your mother's love,
Made me the idiot America...
I'm not... I'm not Jesus anymore. Jimmy is just a figment of my imagination. I looked at the letter again, folded it and put it in my pocket. I went downstairs again and saw the guys. I walked over to them and Tunny spoke up.
"So, who wrote to you?"
"Whatsername...."
"Really? What did it say?"
"She....She's leaving."
"Leaving?"
"Yeah leaving the town. She can't take it anymore. So, she's leaving"
"Without saying goodbye?" asked Nige
"She already did...."
"Do you wanna go and hang out in 'The Corner'?" asked Kaibe
"No, I think I need to be alone for a while.."
"Jesus, maybe what you need is to be with people.." said Tunny
"No, I need to think things through" I walked out of the hangout and out onto the streets. I walked and walked and walked. I didn't know where I was going, I just walked.
"Hey Jesus, feeling better?"
"Yeah, a little." My voice had no expression. I sounded like a robot.
"That's great. Don't you worry, mate, your gonna get over her" said Jaze
"Yeah, I'll get over Whatsername"
"See, you already forgot her name!" Nige said
"I never knew her name. I used to call her that"
"Oh..."
"Anyway, what are you guys doing?"
"You know, the usual. Smoking, drinking, laughing about nothing"
"Well, actually we were talking about our lives" Kaibe said
"What do you mean?"
"Like, what we always wanted to do before we left home. You know, like what kind of jobs we wanted"
"Oh, cool." I grabbed a joint and gave it a puff
"I wanted to be an architect. Then a director, then an actor" said one of Tunny's friends called Tice
"How do you go from architect to actor?" asked Nige
"Dunno. I was small when I wanted to become an architect though."
"Me mum always told me I should've become some sort of writer or an illustrtor, because I was always good at that. But I wanted to become a movie director" said Jaze
"I wanted to be a lawyer, or maybe a Soccer coach" said Kaibe
"I always wanted to be an engineer" said Tunny
"I dunno if you guys realize this, but to get those jobs, you need a college education, which none of us have. Have any of you ever thought of going there?"
"Yeah, I guess.." said Tunny
"If you had the chance, would you go? I think I would. I mean this place is great, but I think I would like a great job that has good pay. When I was a kid, I never thought I would be selling drugs for a living."
"I never thought I would work at a 7-11 for a livin', but I am. And I really don't mind. I steal some cash out of the register every once in a while." said Jaze
"College is boring. I wanted to get away from school and teachers and work and going to college would be like going to Hell." said Tice
"School is boring, I agree with ya there, but school is how we're gonna get far in our lives. I mean this is the best place I've ever been to, but honestly, what the Hell are we doing with ourselves? All my life, am I just gonna sit here, smoke, drink and laugh with you guys like every other night? Am I gonna be selling drugs for the rest of my life? Am I gonna live in that tiny room for the rest of my life? I hope not! I mean what kind of life is that? I don't wanna do this for the rest of my life, do you? Think about it"
I looked at all of them in turn and got up. I went to my room and sat down on my bed. My own words made me think. I didn't want to stay here for the rest of my life. But could I go to college? I guess I could, I had a high school education. I guess I could find some kind of job and a small apartment. I was glad someone finally said it. Maybe it would have some kind of effect on those guys. My thoughts went back to Whatsername. She wanted to go to college too. I told her we could go together someday, when we were ready. Sometimes she would just nag and go on and on and on about it. That's when she was too needy. She always wanted something from me, I had to admit, but I was sure we could've made it work. It was too late though. I couldn't find her anywhere. I was worried. What if she commited suicide or something? Well, would she really do somethng like that because of me? I doubt it. She was a strong girl. But, then again, she was so upset when Jimmy broke up with her. I got scared, what if she did commit suicide? I decided in the morning I would go look for her. I lay down and closed my eyes. It was hard for me to sleep with so much on my mind, but I had to try.
The next morning I got up at around 9:15. I quickly got ready and went downstairs. I walked outside and decided to head to the restaurant that Whatsername works at. I went inside and asked the manager. I pulled a picture of her out of my pocket. He told me she hadn't come in. I thanked him and left. I went back to her apartment and looked through the window. I didn't see her anywhere. But, I couldn't see anything else either. The room looked pretty bare. I went to the park and looked everywhere. But I had no luck. Where could she have gone? I went back to the hangout and saw some of her friends. I ran up to them.
"Hey have you guys seen Whatsername?"
"No. The last time we saw her was yesterday, before she left with you. And her name isn't Whatsername, it's W-"
"Thanks" I cut her off and went back to my room. It was still a mess. There was even a small blood stain on the carpet. I decided I should clean it, it might get my mind off things for a while. After 3 hours of cleaning my room and taking a few breaks passed, I finally finished. I didn't have much furniture in it anymore, but it didn't matter. I still missed Whatsername. I was a little mad at her though. Why didn't she believe me? Yeah, I told her I had control over Jimmy, but it doesn't mean he can never take over me. I didn't know what to think anymore. I went downstairs and saw Tice walking towards me.
"Jesus, you just got this in the mail. I don't know who it's from." he said and handed me the letter. I looked at it and recognized the handwriting right away. It was from her. From Whatsername. I went upstairs in my room and sat down on the floor. The front of the letter said "To Jesus Of Suburbia" I tore it open and read it carefully.
Nobody likes you, everyone left you,
They're all out without you, having fun...
Where have all the bastards gone?
The underbelly stacks up ten-high.
The dummy failed the crash test,
Collecting unemployment cheques,
The flunkie only along for the ride.
Where have all the riots gone,
As the city's motto gets pulverized?
"What's in love is now in debt,"
On your birth certificate,
So strike the fucking match to light the fuse.
The town bishop's an extortionist,
And he don't even know that you exist,
Standing still when it's do-or-die,
You better run for your fucking life!
It's not over 'til you're underground,
It's not over before it's too late.
This city's burning, "it's not my burden",
It's not over before it's too late.
There is nothing left to analyze...
Where will all the martyrs go when the virus cures itself?
And where will we all go when it's too late?
And don't look back...
You're not the Jesus of Suburbia,
The St. Jimmy is a figment of-
Your father's rage and your mother's love,
Made me the idiot America...
I can't take this place, I'm leaving you behind....
I can't take this town, I'm leaving it tonight...
Goodbye........
-W-
I stared at it with my mouth open. I was right, it was from Whatsername. I didn't know how to feel. She said she was leaving this town, because she couldn't take it. Why? Did it remind her of me? It reminds me of her, everything did. Should I have felt sad because she was leaving and I would never see her again? Or should I have felt happy because I know she's alright and safe? I didn't know. I took another look at the letter. Something she wrote caught my attention....
You're not the Jesus of Suburbia,
The St. Jimmy is a figment of-
Your father's rage and your mother's love,
Made me the idiot America...
I'm not... I'm not Jesus anymore. Jimmy is just a figment of my imagination. I looked at the letter again, folded it and put it in my pocket. I went downstairs again and saw the guys. I walked over to them and Tunny spoke up.
"So, who wrote to you?"
"Whatsername...."
"Really? What did it say?"
"She....She's leaving."
"Leaving?"
"Yeah leaving the town. She can't take it anymore. So, she's leaving"
"Without saying goodbye?" asked Nige
"She already did...."
"Do you wanna go and hang out in 'The Corner'?" asked Kaibe
"No, I think I need to be alone for a while.."
"Jesus, maybe what you need is to be with people.." said Tunny
"No, I need to think things through" I walked out of the hangout and out onto the streets. I walked and walked and walked. I didn't know where I was going, I just walked.
