Billie Joe Decided to Shut the Door to His Past, Once and For All, chapter 10

At the same time Mike was alone again. Tré had left shortly after Billie Joe when Mike practically had forced him outside and slammed the door in his face. It hadn't taken Mike long to realize why Billie Joe had left when Tré had started to ask him questions instead. Tré was way too curious. Mike sighted and looked around. He needed to clean up a bit. Or actually a lot. He sighted again and went over to his stereo and turned the radio on for some background sound. Slowly things was taken back to their right places and dirty clothes was piled up instead of shattered across the floor. The music from the radio suddenly caught Mike's attention and he stopped for a while to listen.

Today I saw my hero fall apart
the one who taught me to be strong
on the outside I look fine
but on the inside I am dying

my strength is overcome by pain
my love for you remains the same
the loneliness is setting in
I have no one to free my sins

"Papa Roach, what's the name of the song again? Ah, yeah Do or Die, form Getting Away with Murderer" Mike bit his lip in thought mumbling to himself as the song went into the refrain. "They thanked Green Day on the 'Papa Roach thanks' list thingy, along with Eminem and Slipknot among others."
It made him smile a little considering what Billie Joe thought about those artists. He disliked them to say the least, but Papa Roach however was ok. The song continued and Mike listened to the rest deep in thought when the refrain and first verse was repeated.

now it's my turn to help you out
'cause you were there when I was down
it's hard for me to see this way
losing all your sanity

you helped me keep my dreams alive
without you how will I survive?
It's time for me to be a man
now I finally understand

It's never too late to live your life
the time is now, it's do or die
It's never too late to live your life
the time is now, it's yours and mine

I can't run anymore
I can't hide anymore
I can't run anymore
I can't hide anymore

When it ended Mike had forgotten all about cleaning up. The song reminded him so much of how he felt about Billie Joe's breakdown. It didn't matter for what purpose or for whom it was written. Mike felt like it was about him and his friend. Billie Joe had been someone he'd looked up to in a way and without him he'd surely given up his dreams long ago. Mike feared that his best friend was actually going insane. No matter how fucked up he was himself it was his turn to help Billie Joe out. Mike made up his mind to go over to Billie Joe and sort it all out. He just had to know what his friend was up to, and who the hell Jimmy was. When he was about to open the door and leave the phone rang. Mike considered to just ignore it but then he went back and picked it up.
"Hey, it's me" a voice said.
"Hello Tré" Mike muttered tiredly and rubbed his temples with his free hand.
"Eh, I'm still worried about you but I'm more concerned about BJ. He acted. Strange. " Tré said hesitatingly "I think it would be best if we went over to his house and talked with him. I have a feeling that he's, well I don't know, up to something you know."
Mike pressed his palm against his forehead like it would make the headache that had begin to throb in his head go away. It was nice of Tré to care but Mike was pretty sure that Billie Joe wouldn't tell them anything if he felt like they were teamed up against him. He could be so paranoid sometimes. Probably he would think that they were going to use what he said against him. Then it hit Mike that Billie Joe wasn't likely to tell him anything even if he came alone.
"Damn paranoid bastard" Mike thought to himself a bit annoyed that Billie Joe never could trust anyone. To him trust was 'a dirty word that comes only from such a liar'.
"Micheal, I'm r-e-a-l-l-y worried about him! I'm serious you know so don't sound like I'm a pain it the ass! Adie told me he has been acting weird, more than usually that is. He has been talking to himself a lot, or that Jimmy I guess, and been writing lyrics, she think it's lyrics anyway, all days long. He even scared Joseph once, his own fucking son!" Tré rattled quickly without pausing.
"I understand" Mike began trying not to sound like Tré was bothering him but then he stopped all of a sudden.
"Don't give me that shit" Tré said but Mike hushed at him.
"Writing you said?" Mike mumbled more to himself then to Tré.
"Yeah, but that's not the unusual thing, what's really weird 'bout it is that he lets no one see them, he hide them and then he say he don't know anything 'bout them." Tré told Mike.
"Is that so" Mike said now speaking to himself completely. He hung up and Tré said his name confused a couple of times before he decided that he would visit Billie Joe anyway. Mike could think he was silly but the feeling that Billie Joe would get himself into serious trouble wouldn't leave him. When Tré left his home Mike went upstairs. He'd suddenly remembered that he'd waked up in the middle of the night to find Billie Joe sitting on the floor writing something. It had seemed like he'd been talking to himself. Mike had just went back to sleep thinking that his friend just had been writing a lyric muttering to himself what he was about to write down. Maybe that hadn't been the case at all. Mike walked into his bedroom and started to search for the paper that Billie Joe most certainly had left. Naturally he looked first at the floor then under the bed. When he began to search through his drawers it seemed less likely that his friend had forgotten the paper. When he almost had given up an idea started to take shape. First Mike had no clue why but perhaps Billie Joe had left it in the closet. He remembered that Billie Joe had looked strangely at it like it was someone there, or something, but why would he leave what he'd written in there? It didn't make any sense. Non the less Mike decided to look there. While thinking that he wouldn't fine it there, since he'd already searched it trough when he'd tried to find something with long sleeves to wear, he once again made a mess by throwing items of clothes on the floor. So much for cleaning up. Mike's eyes widened slightly when he felt a piece of paper in his hand. He took it out and held it up in front of his face and just stared at it for a second. It was folded and a bit wrinkled. Mike tried to unfold it without ripping it apart, which proved to be rather difficult. Mostly 'cause his hands were shaking pretty badly. After what felt like hours he could finally smooth it out and read it. The first thing appeared to be some disjointed sentences written randomly at the top of the paper. It was nothing strange with them except that they were all written with different handwritings. Mike was a hundred percent sure that only Billie Joe had been writing on the paper. So why would there be more then one handwriting?
"Time is up" Mike read one of the five sentences aloud "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he muttered and pressed his palm against his forehead once again. His headache was unlikely to go away anytime soon. He started to read some writing at the middle of the paper. It looked somewhat like a letter.

We have to act now before it's too late!
The plan is not perfect yet but it will do,
you don't have anymore time to waste anyway.
You want to get rid of those bothering memories don't you?
Let's make whatsersname a part of your dead past.
- Jimmy

The rest that was written was also alarming but not like the letter. Mike read it twice just to make sure he'd got it right. It could be the beginning of a lyric but for whatever reason Mike just couldn't bring himself to believe so. The major reason was that the letter was written with a handwriting that looked very different form the one Billie Joe normally uses. Mike's first thought was that Billie Joe might have more then one personality but that was a very rare psychological disorder. It was more likely that he was paranoid. Someone that was paranoid could maybe hear or see things, but to write them down? Mike figured that his friend maybe tried to understand it himself. If he heard a voice that told him to do things, most likely violent things, he had perhaps created Jimmy to give him the blame for his own actions. Mike knew that Billie Joe often blamed himself for all kinds of things. That was probably the reason he was self-destructive. He felt like he needed to punish himself. Maybe Billie Joe pretended that the voice belonged to this Jimmy and tried to make him as real as possible so he could explain to himself why he acted like he did. Trying to sort everything out and explain Billie Joe's behavior made Mike's head hurt even more. He wasn't sure if he understood it at all, it felt like he was only making it more difficult to grasp. The more he tried to explain it the more confused he got so he quickly gave it up. Instead he decided that it was about time to pay Billie Joe a visit.

At the same time Tré knocked on the front door to Billie Joe and Adie's house. Inside Adie jumped out of the bed and more or less ran to the bathroom. She hadn't got out of bed yet, even though she'd woke up when Billie Joe had left. She was still naked so she figured it was best to let Billie Joe open the door. When she found him he had that odd look on his face again. Adie thought with a shiver that he looked like he was going to kill someone. For some reason she approached slowly trying not to make a sound. Billie Joe wasn't gazing into the mirror this time, he just stared blankly straight ahead into the room. That was what it seemed like at first but then Adie got a feeling that her housebound was looking inwards. He appeared to be lost inside himself. Last time she'd found him like that she'd barely been able to speak and her voice had come out like a whisper since she'd felt so scared. This time she wasn't sure she could talk at all. Every word got caught and left a lump down her throat. She swallowed hard as she almost tiptoed over to him. The knocking on the door continued but Adie paid no attention to it. She was only focused on Billie Joe, right then everything else was unimportant. Adie ended up standing silently behind her housebound. It was first in that moment she noticed that he was talking to someone. Or more like someone was talking to him from somewhere inside of him. None of them heard the thuds of footsteps that were drawing near. All of a sudden Billie Joe went quiet and shook his head. His eyes cleared as beams of light cut through the darkness around him ripping it up. He took a quick deep breath, the kind of breath you would take if you'd been under cold water for a while. Billie Joe felt a sudden pain in his hand as the numb feeling left him. He looked at in slight shock as he watched his clear red blood run down his hand before it fell on the floor making a little puddle. The memory of the terrible nightmare came flashing back into his mind. Was it possible that he had? Could he have done it, for real?
"Shit!" a voice came from the doorway.
Both Billie Joe and Adie turned around. Billie Joe just stared for a while. The voice had come from Tré who was standing outside the room with his hands over his eyes. His cheeks were burning red with embarrassment. Then Billie Joe looked at his wife who was standing in front of him still naked. A dreadful laugh rose from his throat steady growing until it seemed to fill the whole room. It made Adie turn around again to look at her housebound. The situation was maybe a little comical but the blood dripping form Billie Joe's hand and the frightening sound in his laugh only made him appear to be crazy. The laugh made Tré take his hand down so he could stare at his friend. Then he remembered that Adie didn't have any clothes on and quickly covered his eyes again.
"Eh, Adie, would you kinda mind to like put sumthing on maybe?" Tré faltered out sounding very uncomfortable.
"Oh, yeah. Sure." Adie said lamely as she grabbed a towel to cover herself with.
"Can I look now? If I see ya without your clothes on again BJ might kill me" Tré joked but regretted it the second he said it. He had the awful feeling that Billie Joe was fully capable of killing someone. If he only knew how very right he was.
"Yes you can" Adie responded and when Tré removed his hand their eyes met. They were both wondering the same thing; was Billie Joe insane?
"Eh, did I might come at a bad time? I-I just walked in, ya know, I wanted to talk to BJ. I can come back later or, well, uh, BJ can come over to my place, yeah" Tré trailed of uncomfortably shifting his weight from one foot to the other. For a few moments an awkward silence fell but it was soon broken by a giggle from Billie Joe. He looked amused but there was a weird gleam in his eyes.
"You don't have to talk 'bout me like I'm not here. I am you know. At lest for the moment, but, then again you never know when I might be somewhere else" he said giggling once again sounding a bit cracked.
"What do you mean?" Tré asked confused about his friend's comment.
"Oh, heh, sometimes I'm lost inside myself, a loner in a catastrophic mind. Sometimes you'll find me walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind on the bordeline of the edge. Or I might be one of my lies. Or perhaps a figment of my father's rage and my mother's love." Billie Joe explained still with an amused smile plying on his lips. Tré sighted and shook his head.
"That doesn't make any sense and you know it! You're so, so damn, I don't know, strange. Or more like, dark and mystical. Why do you have to act so damn cool all the time?" Tré whined more or less struggling to find the right words. He felt his stomach twist and tie to a knot of fear when Billie Joe's face turned serious. For some reason, that he just couldn't put his finger on, he was scared. Billie Joe was giving him the creeps.
"I meant that I might be off somewhere in a dark corner of my mind while someone else is looking out of my head through my eyes and use my voice to speak." Billie Joe said with a low voice that made Tré shudder and caused Adie to back away a few steps. His lisp curled in a shudder of yet another amused smile before he gave them an unreadable expression.

Meanwhile Mike had reached the front door and just like Tré he found it to be open. Mike didn't bother to knock, he just walked right in. His headache throbbed painfully along with a suspicion that Billie Joe was planing something stupid. The word that kept coming back into Mike's mind wasn't stupid though. The right word was horrible. Every time it popped up however he shoved it back into the dark corners of his mind and tried to ignore it. Suddenly a grim laugh came floating towards him like a faint echo. Mike's jaw dropped for a short while when he realized it was Billie Joe who was laughing. He followed the sound until he reached its source. For the second time his mouth opened in horror mixed surprise. Billie Joe was looking at him giggling and then he glanced at the glittering mirror pieces on the floor. Then his gaze once again fell on Mike. He looked amused and a smile curled his lips. The expression made Mike shiver. Billie Joe's smile didn't match the look in his eyes at all. They were cold and empty, expect when a flicker of pain and rage shortly filled them.
"Am I scaring you Mike?" Billie Joe asked with a soft voice still with a half smile on his lips. When he spoke Adie backed further away until her back bumped into Tré. Billie Joe laughed again.
"BJ, I need to talk to you." Mike managed to say not fully able to hide a touch of fear in his voice. Billie Joe giggled once again which sent yet another shiver through Mike's body.
"Don't worry Mike, I told you that I would make things right and I will" Billie Joe assured Mike with a comforting smile that looked somewhat mocking in combination with the gleam in his eyes.
"It's not about me BJ, it's 'bout you." Mike said sounding kind of desperate. He knew that if he used the wrong word, and made even the slightest mistake, it would be like stepping on a landmine.
"What about me?" Billie Joe asked suddenly on his guard. Mike noticed that his friend's laid back attitude was gone and his muscles were tensing up. Billie Joe gritted his teeth and clenched his fists.
"Don't worry" Mike said calmly as he stepped further into the room avoiding the shattered glass on the floor as he walked closer towards his friend. Apparently Billie Joe had punched the mirror 'causing it to break.
"You know, it's seven years of bad luck when you break a mirror" Mike smiled at his friend who laughed shortly.
"Only seven? I've had 33 year filled of luck so far" he said with a wry smile "bad luck that is."
"Hey, thanx a lot!" Adie muttered a bit angry but Billie Joe ignored her completely.
"Don't do anything stupid" Mike said almost pleadingly. No one of them could tell if he talked to Adie, Billie Joe or perhaps himself. Not even Mike knew for certain. Billie Joe fixed his gaze on his friend looking at him as if he was a threat. Mike took a deep breath trying to settle down. He forced his hand to stop shaking and ignored that he felt sick. Billie Joe watched his every move with a calculating look on his face. Mike moved himself so he was standing right in front of his friend but he was careful to keep out of reach.
"Time's up BJ" Mike said looking his friend in the eyes knowing that he understood exactly what he meant. Nonchalantly he put his right hand in his pocket and Billie Joe's eyes followed the movement. Mike swallowed as he pulled out the piece of paper his friend had hid in the closet. He was careful to only let Billie Joe see it then he just as nonchalantly shoved it back by putting both his hands in his pockets. The gesture looked very natural so neither Adie nor Tré paid any attention to it even if they noticed Billie Joe's reaction. Billie Joe strolled over to Mike stopping very, very close in front of him. His face was only inches from his friends. Mike tried to keep calm and forced himself to keep a neutral look on his face when really he was quite scared.
"Please Mike" Billie Joe whispered and Mike felt the warm breath on his face "I promised I would end your pain. Don't stop me, don't make me break my promise."
"Billie Joe" Mike began but was hushed by Billie Joe's finger over his lips.
"Do you know why I laughed when I saw you entering the room?" he mumbled "I had a nightmare Mike, a horrible fucking. Nightmare." Billie Joe said the word with a flicker of fear in his eyes. Once again Mike tried to speak and for the second time Billie Joe made him remain quiet.
"I had broken a mirror, a bathroom mirror to be precise, and do you know what I did after that? Mike, can you guess? Are you even able to imagine something like that?" Billie Joe giggled again and the crazy gleam was back in his eyes. "No, 'cuz I would never do anything like that would I?"
"Do what?" Mike asked with a shaky voice sounding like he really didn't want to know.
"I smashed your pretty face against the wall" Billie Joe whispered, his voice filled with hatred. He looked Mike in the eyes and the insane glow shone into Mike's own eyes piercing his heart and filling it with fear. It took him a little while to realize that the hate was aimed towards Billie Joe himself. His friend didn't hate him, he hate himself for even thinking of hurting him.
"Mike, I don't want you to suffer. I'll put an end to it." Billie Joe whispered as he put a hand on the side of Mike's neck. "One way or another."
Mike swallowed hard and Billie Joe could feel it and gave his friend a wry smile. He moved his fingers so he held them around Mike's neck applying a light pressure.
"You look so peaceful when you sleep" Billie Joe whispered "So very peaceful. You don't suffer. And Mike, I promised to put and end to your suffering. I could let you sleep forever." Billie Joe pressed harder digging his finger into Mike's flesh. He could feel his friend tremble in his grasp.
"This time I will keep my promise, but please Mike, let me do it the way I planed it!" he murmured "Let me take away all the pain by making whatsername a part of my dead past. I want her to rot so the memories that hunt me whither along with her." Billie Joe breathed into Mike's ear. He could feel Mike's racing pulse against his fingers. Mike was terrified, and he should be. He really should.