Hold Me Tight, Don't Let Go, chapter 7
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Andrew told everyone that the physical went fine truth was they needed him to go back in June. They told him that the heartburn and sore throat he had been getting lately was due to more then eating unhealthy things and they were thinking it was signs of esophagus cancer. Cancer the word alone scared him to death but now to think he had it, how would the kids handle it? WHat about Ollie he loved her more then words described he couldn't leave her alone if he did have it. Al was moving out pretty soon then it would only be him Anna Billie and Ollie. Tears were rolling down his face as he sat in the truck in front of the hospital. He couldn't get negative he told himself the way to get through this was to think positive and he would see soon that it was just him being a pig eating to much pizza and lasagna. He stopped his truck stepped out and into the building the doors closing behind him. The woman at the front looked at him and smiled.
"Yes how may I help you?"
"I'm here to see Dr. Wolfe I have an appointment with her." The woman looked at the book in front of her and said.
"Andrew Armstrong?"
"Yes."
"Take a seat she'll see you in a moment."Andrew thanked her and took his seat. It felt like years of waiting but he was finally called into a room. He sat dwon in the chair looking around at the plain white walls. The docters desk was cluttered and he could see picture frames around everything. He looked at them closely she was either married or had a long term boyfriend. She also had one daughter who by the looks of it was about 10 Billie's age. A tear started to form but he kicked himself and ordered himself to stop thiking he was sick. The docter came in and shook his hand.
"Hello Mr. Armstrong how are you?"
"I'm fine."
"That's good to know and your wife?"
"Fine." He said impatiently.
"How about the children?"
"They're all fine otherwise they would be sitting in this office not me." He snapped.
"Oh kay then..Well as you remeber we ran a few tests on you about two weeks ago."
"Yes I remember."
"And we just recieved the results this morning."
"Yes I know your secratary called."
"Yes well as you know we ran the tests to see if you have cancer of the esphogus."
"Just tell me!" He cried out. The woman looked at him a dazed expression on her face.
"I'm sorry."
"no forgive me I'm just growing antsy."
"Well I'm there is no-."
"Stop..I have it don't I?" He was brimming with tears now she looked at him sadly and said.
"I'm afraid so."
"Well is there anyting we can do?" He asked hopefully the woman looked to be fighting back her own tears. She had been his docter for the past 15 years and he was a very good man she couldn't bring herself to tell him this. It broke her heart to see him so hopeful.
"I'm sorry usually we would try and stop it but yours is......I'm sorry Andy it's terminal." He looked at her.
"Terminal? That means."
"There's nothing more we can do." Her head lowered as she heard a muffled sob escape from Andrew.
"How long?"
"I'm not-"
"I said how long and don't lie to me give me an estimate." She looked away.
"6 months tops." She let the tears fall mostly because she couldn't stop them eve if she tried. He rubbed his forehead, that damn cancer stick haha he ot it now it wasn't just lung cancer it was jut a cancer stick in general. The docter handed him a kleenex after wiping her own tears away.
"So I won't live to see my son's 11th birthday?"
"I'm afraid not."
"What about Sinteria's?" He wanted to at least see her turn 11 it was in October he had a better chance of seeing her then seeing his son but at least he would see one of his kids.
"I don't know I think 6 months is pushing but let's hope you do."
Hope.....Hope that's all he had to give her she didn't have no wonder pill hidden under her jacket no injection htat would let him live longer. What aload of bullthis was. But he didn't let it get the best of him he stood up shook her hand and walked out of the office witout saying a word. Walking to his truck he felt beaten. He didn't immediatly leave he just stayedparked a few minutes soaking it in that this was no nightmare that he had no chance of making it out alive that he wouldn't live to see the rest of his children graduate highschool he wouldn't be able to see Billie through his adolescence or any of that. He wouldn't grow old with his wife he wouldn't do any of the things he hoped to do before he died. He rested his head on the steering wheel crying. Crying for all the things he didn't do for all the people he wouldn't make peace with. For all the people he was leaving behind. And most of all for not keeping his promises to the kids. It took about three hours for his crying to come to a halt before he picked up his head and looked out straight ahead. He wasn't going to let this get the best he would live his life the best he could while he could and he would do his best to make all his dreams come true. But most of all the promises he made he would fufill them all before he left and no one was going to stop him. He turned the key and drove to his house, when he reached it he lost all the courage he had built up in the parking lot of the hospital. He looked at the house he could see hte kids in the dining room playing cards. He couldn't see his wife though but the kids formed a lump in his throat and blurred his vision they had the greatest times together joking around and being together. He knew there would be no easy way to tell them and waiting wouldn't make it any eaiser on any of them. He opened the door getting out slowly he walked up his stairs and opened the door where Allan Anna and Billie and Sinteria were all around the table playing cards.
"Hi dad!"
"Hi honey where's your mom?"
"I dunno wanna play cards?"
"No I need to talk to your mother right now." He said firmly.
"She's in your room dad....Is everything OK? You look like you went through hell."
"I'm fine you kids play." He said not taking his off the door across the hall open with the T.V blaring out. He walked slowly into the room and saw his wife watching The Facts Of Life.
"Hi dear so how did it go at the docters you took forever over there."
"Ollie we need to talk." He closed the door and switched off the T.V looking at her sadly.
"About what Andrew." She turned the light on looking at him.
"About what the docter said."
"What did she say?"
"I love you." He needed to mak that clear.
"What did she say Andrew." She demanded.
"I will always be here no matter what."
"Your scaring me Andrew please don't talk like that it scares me." She was on the verge of tears leaning to hysterics. It broke his heart to have to see his wife crying and he hadn't even told her yet. He hugged her and she rested her face in his chest feeling his heartbeat.
"I'm sorry you know I love you."
"Yes but what did she say just tll me don't drag this on forever Andy."
"I........I...Have cancer." She blinked then burst into laughter.
"Andrew your so funny you dont have that stop playing." He looked at her.
"I'm not." She stopped laughing noting his serious expression. Would her husband go to such lengths for a stupid joke?
"Stop joking."
"I'm not Ol I have throat cancer."
"Well they can help you right you can beat it right? right?!" She was starting to scream. He looked away letting go of her sitting on the bed.
"It's terminal they don't know how long I am gona stay here." He said looking at his wife she didn't know what to do so she did the only thing she felt would help her.
She slapped him
He didn't quite know how to react at first so he just looked at her. He stood up and simply stared down at her. She didn't care she wasn't afraid of him and knew he wouldn't ever hit her. She started hitting him yelling at him.
"IS THAT WHAT YOU WNTED TO GO OUT FORTO SMOKE DRINK AND GET CANCER HUH YOU FUCKING BASTARD TO LEAVE ME ALONE WITH 3 CHILDREN LEFT TO RAISE IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED!?!?!?!" She screamed crying hitting him for doingthis to her. He let her hit him for another five minutes yelling at him for doing this to her adn the kids. He grabbed her hands after a while and hugged her she hit him a few more times before wrapping her arms around him tightly crying into his shoulder.
"WHY ANDY WHY?!......... I LOVE YOU TOO........ MUCH YOU CAN'T........ LEAVE ME LIKE THIS IT ISN'T FAIR THAT YOU........ HAVE TO LEAVE US IT ISN'T RIGHT THAT I LOVE YOU........ AND YOU LEAVE ME." She sobbed out his tears had been withheld for the most part during the convrsation but the grip of his wife and the sadness in her voice finally got to him. He cried to the tears landing on top of her head.
"I know it isn't fair but you were right it was my fault for smoking and drinking so much I am mad at myself for leaving you and I'm scared as all hell but I need to know I hve your love to get me thru my last few months I don't want to have to live them sad because you were mad at me." She cried harder hugging him more tightly.
"I would never dream of doing that to you but I won't be able to get that love back anymore."
"You will Hon I will loveyou always."
"But you won't be here to show me."
"I will you won't see me but I will always be around you." She let go of him and said.
"We need to tell the kids."
"Yeah we do." They wiped their tears andwalked out hand in hand. The kids could tell somethig had goneon because when their parents came out there eyes were red and puffy.
"What happened?" Anna said getting up from her chair standing next to her father.
"I uh." He cleared his throat out. "I have something I need to tell you kids." Sinteria was going to ge up to leave but he said.
"No Angel sweetie you stay your likw family too so you should probably hear it too."
"What is it daddy?" Anna looked at her father ready to cry.
"I uh I have cancer and it's......terminal I only have the next few months left with you." Al looked at his father in shock Billie and Sin both started crying silently but Anna being the daddy's girl she was burst into tears.
"Daddy!" She threw her arms around him hugging him tightly, he held her until she let go of hiim and walked away to her room to go cry in private. Al looked at his dad and couldn't speak but the tears slowly fell from his face. Sin hugged him the only father she felt she had and she was going to lose him. Billie didn't know what to do he was mad at him. He was sad that he was dying and thathe wouldn't have a dad but he was confused at why they hadn't found it sooner. Al left the house and said he would be back later and Billie went up to his dad and hugged him while Sin never let go. They had just been let out of school and they had the summer alll planned ou tbut now those plans took the backseat to cancer and hospital visits. somehow they knew this was going to be the worst summer of their lives for more then one reason
"Yes how may I help you?"
"I'm here to see Dr. Wolfe I have an appointment with her." The woman looked at the book in front of her and said.
"Andrew Armstrong?"
"Yes."
"Take a seat she'll see you in a moment."Andrew thanked her and took his seat. It felt like years of waiting but he was finally called into a room. He sat dwon in the chair looking around at the plain white walls. The docters desk was cluttered and he could see picture frames around everything. He looked at them closely she was either married or had a long term boyfriend. She also had one daughter who by the looks of it was about 10 Billie's age. A tear started to form but he kicked himself and ordered himself to stop thiking he was sick. The docter came in and shook his hand.
"Hello Mr. Armstrong how are you?"
"I'm fine."
"That's good to know and your wife?"
"Fine." He said impatiently.
"How about the children?"
"They're all fine otherwise they would be sitting in this office not me." He snapped.
"Oh kay then..Well as you remeber we ran a few tests on you about two weeks ago."
"Yes I remember."
"And we just recieved the results this morning."
"Yes I know your secratary called."
"Yes well as you know we ran the tests to see if you have cancer of the esphogus."
"Just tell me!" He cried out. The woman looked at him a dazed expression on her face.
"I'm sorry."
"no forgive me I'm just growing antsy."
"Well I'm there is no-."
"Stop..I have it don't I?" He was brimming with tears now she looked at him sadly and said.
"I'm afraid so."
"Well is there anyting we can do?" He asked hopefully the woman looked to be fighting back her own tears. She had been his docter for the past 15 years and he was a very good man she couldn't bring herself to tell him this. It broke her heart to see him so hopeful.
"I'm sorry usually we would try and stop it but yours is......I'm sorry Andy it's terminal." He looked at her.
"Terminal? That means."
"There's nothing more we can do." Her head lowered as she heard a muffled sob escape from Andrew.
"How long?"
"I'm not-"
"I said how long and don't lie to me give me an estimate." She looked away.
"6 months tops." She let the tears fall mostly because she couldn't stop them eve if she tried. He rubbed his forehead, that damn cancer stick haha he ot it now it wasn't just lung cancer it was jut a cancer stick in general. The docter handed him a kleenex after wiping her own tears away.
"So I won't live to see my son's 11th birthday?"
"I'm afraid not."
"What about Sinteria's?" He wanted to at least see her turn 11 it was in October he had a better chance of seeing her then seeing his son but at least he would see one of his kids.
"I don't know I think 6 months is pushing but let's hope you do."
Hope.....Hope that's all he had to give her she didn't have no wonder pill hidden under her jacket no injection htat would let him live longer. What aload of bullthis was. But he didn't let it get the best of him he stood up shook her hand and walked out of the office witout saying a word. Walking to his truck he felt beaten. He didn't immediatly leave he just stayedparked a few minutes soaking it in that this was no nightmare that he had no chance of making it out alive that he wouldn't live to see the rest of his children graduate highschool he wouldn't be able to see Billie through his adolescence or any of that. He wouldn't grow old with his wife he wouldn't do any of the things he hoped to do before he died. He rested his head on the steering wheel crying. Crying for all the things he didn't do for all the people he wouldn't make peace with. For all the people he was leaving behind. And most of all for not keeping his promises to the kids. It took about three hours for his crying to come to a halt before he picked up his head and looked out straight ahead. He wasn't going to let this get the best he would live his life the best he could while he could and he would do his best to make all his dreams come true. But most of all the promises he made he would fufill them all before he left and no one was going to stop him. He turned the key and drove to his house, when he reached it he lost all the courage he had built up in the parking lot of the hospital. He looked at the house he could see hte kids in the dining room playing cards. He couldn't see his wife though but the kids formed a lump in his throat and blurred his vision they had the greatest times together joking around and being together. He knew there would be no easy way to tell them and waiting wouldn't make it any eaiser on any of them. He opened the door getting out slowly he walked up his stairs and opened the door where Allan Anna and Billie and Sinteria were all around the table playing cards.
"Hi dad!"
"Hi honey where's your mom?"
"I dunno wanna play cards?"
"No I need to talk to your mother right now." He said firmly.
"She's in your room dad....Is everything OK? You look like you went through hell."
"I'm fine you kids play." He said not taking his off the door across the hall open with the T.V blaring out. He walked slowly into the room and saw his wife watching The Facts Of Life.
"Hi dear so how did it go at the docters you took forever over there."
"Ollie we need to talk." He closed the door and switched off the T.V looking at her sadly.
"About what Andrew." She turned the light on looking at him.
"About what the docter said."
"What did she say?"
"I love you." He needed to mak that clear.
"What did she say Andrew." She demanded.
"I will always be here no matter what."
"Your scaring me Andrew please don't talk like that it scares me." She was on the verge of tears leaning to hysterics. It broke his heart to have to see his wife crying and he hadn't even told her yet. He hugged her and she rested her face in his chest feeling his heartbeat.
"I'm sorry you know I love you."
"Yes but what did she say just tll me don't drag this on forever Andy."
"I........I...Have cancer." She blinked then burst into laughter.
"Andrew your so funny you dont have that stop playing." He looked at her.
"I'm not." She stopped laughing noting his serious expression. Would her husband go to such lengths for a stupid joke?
"Stop joking."
"I'm not Ol I have throat cancer."
"Well they can help you right you can beat it right? right?!" She was starting to scream. He looked away letting go of her sitting on the bed.
"It's terminal they don't know how long I am gona stay here." He said looking at his wife she didn't know what to do so she did the only thing she felt would help her.
She slapped him
He didn't quite know how to react at first so he just looked at her. He stood up and simply stared down at her. She didn't care she wasn't afraid of him and knew he wouldn't ever hit her. She started hitting him yelling at him.
"IS THAT WHAT YOU WNTED TO GO OUT FORTO SMOKE DRINK AND GET CANCER HUH YOU FUCKING BASTARD TO LEAVE ME ALONE WITH 3 CHILDREN LEFT TO RAISE IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED!?!?!?!" She screamed crying hitting him for doingthis to her. He let her hit him for another five minutes yelling at him for doing this to her adn the kids. He grabbed her hands after a while and hugged her she hit him a few more times before wrapping her arms around him tightly crying into his shoulder.
"WHY ANDY WHY?!......... I LOVE YOU TOO........ MUCH YOU CAN'T........ LEAVE ME LIKE THIS IT ISN'T FAIR THAT YOU........ HAVE TO LEAVE US IT ISN'T RIGHT THAT I LOVE YOU........ AND YOU LEAVE ME." She sobbed out his tears had been withheld for the most part during the convrsation but the grip of his wife and the sadness in her voice finally got to him. He cried to the tears landing on top of her head.
"I know it isn't fair but you were right it was my fault for smoking and drinking so much I am mad at myself for leaving you and I'm scared as all hell but I need to know I hve your love to get me thru my last few months I don't want to have to live them sad because you were mad at me." She cried harder hugging him more tightly.
"I would never dream of doing that to you but I won't be able to get that love back anymore."
"You will Hon I will loveyou always."
"But you won't be here to show me."
"I will you won't see me but I will always be around you." She let go of him and said.
"We need to tell the kids."
"Yeah we do." They wiped their tears andwalked out hand in hand. The kids could tell somethig had goneon because when their parents came out there eyes were red and puffy.
"What happened?" Anna said getting up from her chair standing next to her father.
"I uh." He cleared his throat out. "I have something I need to tell you kids." Sinteria was going to ge up to leave but he said.
"No Angel sweetie you stay your likw family too so you should probably hear it too."
"What is it daddy?" Anna looked at her father ready to cry.
"I uh I have cancer and it's......terminal I only have the next few months left with you." Al looked at his father in shock Billie and Sin both started crying silently but Anna being the daddy's girl she was burst into tears.
"Daddy!" She threw her arms around him hugging him tightly, he held her until she let go of hiim and walked away to her room to go cry in private. Al looked at his dad and couldn't speak but the tears slowly fell from his face. Sin hugged him the only father she felt she had and she was going to lose him. Billie didn't know what to do he was mad at him. He was sad that he was dying and thathe wouldn't have a dad but he was confused at why they hadn't found it sooner. Al left the house and said he would be back later and Billie went up to his dad and hugged him while Sin never let go. They had just been let out of school and they had the summer alll planned ou tbut now those plans took the backseat to cancer and hospital visits. somehow they knew this was going to be the worst summer of their lives for more then one reason
