She Always Was His Girl, chapter 50
After going back to Katie's house after his little "meeting"; with Adrienne, he could hardly look at her. She asked him how everything went while talking to Joey about depression and cutting, but he only simply responded with, "Fine."; And of course when she tried to kiss him, he would turn his head slightly, just so it wasn't obvious that he didn't want her to kiss him.
Actually, he did want her to kiss him, but he couldn't bring himself around to share little actions of intimacy and affection with her. Fuck, he was betraying both women, and he couldn't help it. He just wanted to be with both, but unfortunately, bigamy is illegal in the United States of America.
That night, while they were both lying in bed trying to sleep, Katie rolled over so that she was extremely close to him, and wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a kiss full of love on his soft lips.
"Baby, no. I think I'm coming down with something, and I don't want you to catch it,"; he lied.
"Oh, okay. Feel better, honey,"; she said.
Billie Joe laid flat on his back, and Katie laid her head against his chest while he ran his fingers through her thick, dark hair. He was hurting both her and Adrienne, but he wanted them both. The decision was bouncing around in his mind, and he tried to block it out, but for some strange reason, he wouldn't let himself do it. You can't just shake something like that off.
After Katie had fallen asleep, he removed himself from the bed. He knew he needed to talk to someone, but what wasn't clear was whom he needed to talk to, so he decided to talk to the only person he could think of. He pulled on the pair of jeans he had on previously, and picked up a black zip-up hoodie that he had thrown on the floor earlier that day while looking for something to wear.
He walked downstairs and went out the back door and sat down in one of the plastic lawn chairs, which were sitting on the patio. The night was clear, so all the stars were visible. It brought back so many memories from his childhood. He recalled the nights he sat awake as a child thinking about his father. God, he missed him, and it was times like these that he missed him the most. He recalled that his mother had always told him that the North Star was his dad, and that he watched him while he slept every night. He used to look up at the stars, and talk to his father, but stopped as he got older.
Billie Joe stared up at the sky looking for the North Star. That night, in the silvery moonlight, the star seemed to glow with this miraculous beauty. A small tear fell from his eye, as he continued to gaze at it.
"Dad, it's been so long since we talked. I miss you so much. I wish you were here right now. I know that you would tell me what I should do, and probably kick my ass for all the things I have already done. I really don't know what to do. I'd pray to God if I thought it would help, but he'd probably strike me dead with lightening if I tried to talk to him because of the way I've been all these years,"; he laughed. "Dad, I love you. Please send me some sort of signal about what I should do. I'm so lost. I love Katie and I love Adie, but I need you to help me.";
By then, his face was drenched with tears, and he was attempting to hold back his sobs. All that was running through his mind was when his father told the entire family that he had had cancer and when Billie Joe had started to tear up, he had said, "Son, don't cry. It's gonna be alright.";
"I want to die, Dad. I want to die, and be up there with you, but actually if I died, I'd probably go to hell 'cause I have never had the morals or goodness that you ever had. I want to kill myself,"; he cried, "and rid myself of all these problems. I've fucked up so much,";
Son, don't cry. It's gonna be alright.
"I hate myself for not talking to you all those years.";
Son, don't cry.
That night, Billie Joe, who rarely ever remembered his dreams, dreamt of his wedding with Adrienne, and how gorgeous she looked, and then the dream fast forwarded through all of the times he had spent with Katie, and then it cut to a family portrait of Adrienne, the boys, and himself hanging on a wall just before he woke up.
He had gotten his signal.
* * * * *
It was now June of 2005, and two months had passed since Billie Joe had begun to sleep with Adrienne. Billie Joe had remained with staying with Katie, but slept with Adrienne every chance he got. He very rarely made love to Katie anymore. It was just a usual kiss, hug, or grope here or there, but since she was pregnant, Katie never gave it a second though. She figured he was just afraid that intercourse while pregnant might effect the baby somehow.
Billie Joe knew he would eventually have to tell Katie that he was getting back to with Adrienne, but how could he? Here she was five months pregnant with his baby, and he was just about to kick her to the curb!
He sat at the kitchen table while Katie prepared dinner thinking about what he was doing. He had always thought that the most difficult decision he ever made was which record company to sign with, but this topped that by miles and miles.
When Katie returned to the table with dinner, she placed a plate of food in front of her two children, Billie Joe, and the empty spot in which she was about to sit down. He couldn't help but smile. She had begun to show, and her skin was positively radiant. She looked more glorious than ever.
"Oh, my appointment with the doctor is tomorrow, and they're going to do another ultra sound and everything. So do you want to find out the gender of the baby?"; she asked placing her hand on top of his.
"Yea, I do."; he responded looking deep into her beautiful, big, blue eyes. He leaned over and placed a kiss against her lips, but to him, the kiss didn't feel like it usually felt. It wasn't as special or meaningful.
It felt wrong.
"What do you hope it is?"; she questioned.
"I dunno. I think I want a little girl. I want her to be all girl rocker chick, ya know. The world of music needs some more women."; he laughed.
She smiled. "So are you going to go with me tomorrow?";
"Uh, yea. Sure, I guess. If you want me to."; he replied.
"Whatever you want.";
* * *
The following day, Billie Joe and Katie went to the doctor. As they sat in the waiting room, he nervously wringed his hands while continuing to look down at his gold wedding bad he had never removed. Then he remembered something.
Today was the day Adrienne was going to the doctor about her baby.
When the nurse came out and called for them, they went back to the back in a small but quaint little room where Katie lied down on the examination couch. The nurse pulled up Katie's top slightly and applied the jelly-like substance to her tummy. Immediatley afterwards, a picture appeared on the screen of the ultra sound machine. Billie Joe grasped her hand in his as they looked at the screen.
"So do you want to know the sex of your baby?"; the nurse asked.
"Yes, we do."; Katie said excitedly.
"Well, it looks like you'll be having a baby girl."; the nurse replied happily.
"Oh my god,"; he exclaimed, "I can't believe it. I finally am having a baby girl!";
"I know. I can't believe it either.";
Billie Joe leant down and kissed her again as tears of joy flooded his eyes. He had wanted a little girl for the longest time, and now his wish was coming true.
After a few minutes of celebration, Billie Joe excused himself and said he needed to use the restroom, but what he was really doing was calling Adrienne.
"Hey Adie."; he said cheerfully.
"Oh hey honey,"; she replied just as pleasantly, "I went to the doctor today about the baby.";
"I know. Did you find out what gender it was?"; he asked.
"Yep. A little girl.";
He almost dropped the phone. Even though Adrienne's child wasn't his, he was still planning on raising it as if it were. He was going to have two baby girls, and he couldn't wait.
"Oh my God! I went to the doctor with Katie today, and she's having a baby girl too."; he responded.
"Oh. That's great."; Adrienne sighed.
"Yea, I know you probably don't care. Sorry I brought it up.";
"No honey. I'm really happy for you, it's just how that baby came about...";
"I know what you mean, sweetheart. Well, I'm gonna go. I was just calling you to see how you and the baby are. So love you!";
"Love you too, Bye."; she said.
He clicked his phone off, and went back into the examination room where Katie was listening to the doctor's instructions.
"I'm having two little girls,"; he smirked to himself
Actually, he did want her to kiss him, but he couldn't bring himself around to share little actions of intimacy and affection with her. Fuck, he was betraying both women, and he couldn't help it. He just wanted to be with both, but unfortunately, bigamy is illegal in the United States of America.
That night, while they were both lying in bed trying to sleep, Katie rolled over so that she was extremely close to him, and wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a kiss full of love on his soft lips.
"Baby, no. I think I'm coming down with something, and I don't want you to catch it,"; he lied.
"Oh, okay. Feel better, honey,"; she said.
Billie Joe laid flat on his back, and Katie laid her head against his chest while he ran his fingers through her thick, dark hair. He was hurting both her and Adrienne, but he wanted them both. The decision was bouncing around in his mind, and he tried to block it out, but for some strange reason, he wouldn't let himself do it. You can't just shake something like that off.
After Katie had fallen asleep, he removed himself from the bed. He knew he needed to talk to someone, but what wasn't clear was whom he needed to talk to, so he decided to talk to the only person he could think of. He pulled on the pair of jeans he had on previously, and picked up a black zip-up hoodie that he had thrown on the floor earlier that day while looking for something to wear.
He walked downstairs and went out the back door and sat down in one of the plastic lawn chairs, which were sitting on the patio. The night was clear, so all the stars were visible. It brought back so many memories from his childhood. He recalled the nights he sat awake as a child thinking about his father. God, he missed him, and it was times like these that he missed him the most. He recalled that his mother had always told him that the North Star was his dad, and that he watched him while he slept every night. He used to look up at the stars, and talk to his father, but stopped as he got older.
Billie Joe stared up at the sky looking for the North Star. That night, in the silvery moonlight, the star seemed to glow with this miraculous beauty. A small tear fell from his eye, as he continued to gaze at it.
"Dad, it's been so long since we talked. I miss you so much. I wish you were here right now. I know that you would tell me what I should do, and probably kick my ass for all the things I have already done. I really don't know what to do. I'd pray to God if I thought it would help, but he'd probably strike me dead with lightening if I tried to talk to him because of the way I've been all these years,"; he laughed. "Dad, I love you. Please send me some sort of signal about what I should do. I'm so lost. I love Katie and I love Adie, but I need you to help me.";
By then, his face was drenched with tears, and he was attempting to hold back his sobs. All that was running through his mind was when his father told the entire family that he had had cancer and when Billie Joe had started to tear up, he had said, "Son, don't cry. It's gonna be alright.";
"I want to die, Dad. I want to die, and be up there with you, but actually if I died, I'd probably go to hell 'cause I have never had the morals or goodness that you ever had. I want to kill myself,"; he cried, "and rid myself of all these problems. I've fucked up so much,";
Son, don't cry. It's gonna be alright.
"I hate myself for not talking to you all those years.";
Son, don't cry.
That night, Billie Joe, who rarely ever remembered his dreams, dreamt of his wedding with Adrienne, and how gorgeous she looked, and then the dream fast forwarded through all of the times he had spent with Katie, and then it cut to a family portrait of Adrienne, the boys, and himself hanging on a wall just before he woke up.
He had gotten his signal.
* * * * *
It was now June of 2005, and two months had passed since Billie Joe had begun to sleep with Adrienne. Billie Joe had remained with staying with Katie, but slept with Adrienne every chance he got. He very rarely made love to Katie anymore. It was just a usual kiss, hug, or grope here or there, but since she was pregnant, Katie never gave it a second though. She figured he was just afraid that intercourse while pregnant might effect the baby somehow.
Billie Joe knew he would eventually have to tell Katie that he was getting back to with Adrienne, but how could he? Here she was five months pregnant with his baby, and he was just about to kick her to the curb!
He sat at the kitchen table while Katie prepared dinner thinking about what he was doing. He had always thought that the most difficult decision he ever made was which record company to sign with, but this topped that by miles and miles.
When Katie returned to the table with dinner, she placed a plate of food in front of her two children, Billie Joe, and the empty spot in which she was about to sit down. He couldn't help but smile. She had begun to show, and her skin was positively radiant. She looked more glorious than ever.
"Oh, my appointment with the doctor is tomorrow, and they're going to do another ultra sound and everything. So do you want to find out the gender of the baby?"; she asked placing her hand on top of his.
"Yea, I do."; he responded looking deep into her beautiful, big, blue eyes. He leaned over and placed a kiss against her lips, but to him, the kiss didn't feel like it usually felt. It wasn't as special or meaningful.
It felt wrong.
"What do you hope it is?"; she questioned.
"I dunno. I think I want a little girl. I want her to be all girl rocker chick, ya know. The world of music needs some more women."; he laughed.
She smiled. "So are you going to go with me tomorrow?";
"Uh, yea. Sure, I guess. If you want me to."; he replied.
"Whatever you want.";
* * *
The following day, Billie Joe and Katie went to the doctor. As they sat in the waiting room, he nervously wringed his hands while continuing to look down at his gold wedding bad he had never removed. Then he remembered something.
Today was the day Adrienne was going to the doctor about her baby.
When the nurse came out and called for them, they went back to the back in a small but quaint little room where Katie lied down on the examination couch. The nurse pulled up Katie's top slightly and applied the jelly-like substance to her tummy. Immediatley afterwards, a picture appeared on the screen of the ultra sound machine. Billie Joe grasped her hand in his as they looked at the screen.
"So do you want to know the sex of your baby?"; the nurse asked.
"Yes, we do."; Katie said excitedly.
"Well, it looks like you'll be having a baby girl."; the nurse replied happily.
"Oh my god,"; he exclaimed, "I can't believe it. I finally am having a baby girl!";
"I know. I can't believe it either.";
Billie Joe leant down and kissed her again as tears of joy flooded his eyes. He had wanted a little girl for the longest time, and now his wish was coming true.
After a few minutes of celebration, Billie Joe excused himself and said he needed to use the restroom, but what he was really doing was calling Adrienne.
"Hey Adie."; he said cheerfully.
"Oh hey honey,"; she replied just as pleasantly, "I went to the doctor today about the baby.";
"I know. Did you find out what gender it was?"; he asked.
"Yep. A little girl.";
He almost dropped the phone. Even though Adrienne's child wasn't his, he was still planning on raising it as if it were. He was going to have two baby girls, and he couldn't wait.
"Oh my God! I went to the doctor with Katie today, and she's having a baby girl too."; he responded.
"Oh. That's great."; Adrienne sighed.
"Yea, I know you probably don't care. Sorry I brought it up.";
"No honey. I'm really happy for you, it's just how that baby came about...";
"I know what you mean, sweetheart. Well, I'm gonna go. I was just calling you to see how you and the baby are. So love you!";
"Love you too, Bye."; she said.
He clicked his phone off, and went back into the examination room where Katie was listening to the doctor's instructions.
"I'm having two little girls,"; he smirked to himself
