All Hail the Heartbreaker, chapter 5
Ryn walked into her room and threw the ice down on the floor. "God dammit..." she mumbled to herself. She laid down the bed, it still held his scent. She put her arms out in front of her pointing straight up to the ceiling. There were scars from burns, cuts, and bruises but most of them were nicely faded now. She cradled her head in her hands and took a few deep breaths. "It's okay. It's for the best." she said to herself before flopping back onto her bed and barely moving.
A week, she thought to herself. I've known this guy for a week. A week and he's affecting me like this. What the hell is wrong with me?
At some point in the night she fell asleep but woke up around four o' clock after tossing and turning for hours on end. She pulled out a cigarette and was just about to light it when she heard someone banging on the door.
She opened the door to find Billie, barely standing with bloodshot eyes, reaking of alcohol. He could barely form words. He opened his mouth.
"I... I wanna be worth it." He collapsed in Ryn's arms and she fell to her knees trying to hold him up.
"God dammit..." she said to herself, sitting on the ground, holding him. She pulled him onto the bed and out of his wet clothes and wrapped him up in blankets. He looked so peaceful sleeping, even though she knew that soon enough he'd be blowing chunks all over the place.
"Billie... God. What the hell is wrong with you, child?" She sighed and pushed his hair out of his eyes, and then walked over to a chair in the side of the hotel room and fell asleep.
Ryn woke up to the sun peeking through the hotel window. It felt like she hadn't slept at all, but she must have because the light had changed and her body felt cramped from sleeping on the chair. She got up, her entire body shaking and cracking, her joints realligning. Water from the ice she had thrown across the room was all over the floor in freezing cold little puddles. The light from the sun fell on Billie Joe and he looked innocent. Innocent for being a hungover passed out 21 year old.
----------------- Billie Joe's point of view ----------------------------
My head was pounding, but I managed to open my eyes to the bright outside world for a few seconds before they clamped shut. Ryn was standing right in front of me. Where was I? Her face as I had just seen it must have been imprinted on my eyelids because I could still see her when I closed my eyes to the outside world. She put her hand to my forehead and stroked my cheek.
The morning was a blur filled with aspirin, sleeping, puking, and hearing Ryn's quiet footsteps around the room. But at around two in the afternoon I sat up and opened my eyes, feeling much better. She sat down next to me on the bed and ran her hand through my hair.
"You feeling better?" she said sympathetically.
"Yeah." I said with a slight smile.
"Good." She said. Then she smacked me. Upside the head. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU COULD HAVE DIED! DID YOU DRIVE HERE? WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU GO DOING SOMETHING THAT IDIOTIC? JESUS CHRIST YOU COULD HAVE DIED!" She screamed at me.
"Do you see what you're doing?" She said, lowering her voice. "You've making me worry. Me and worrying don't go."
I smiled. She was worried about me. "I'm sorry." I said. "I was frustrated and I drank a little too much."
"Way too much." she said.
---------------- Ryn's Point of View -------------------------
I don't like drunks. Oddly enough, considering my liver has endured it's share of abuse. But that's when I was younger. Stupider. More naive. Looking at Billie though, all my anger just kind of left me.
I sighed at him. "You shouldn't do things like that. I bet Mike and Tre are wondering where you are. You're supposed to be leaving tommorow."
"Not unless you come with me." he said.
I looked at him. What was wrong with him? Did he not see how I treated him, how I didn't want to be tied down?
But it was like he read my mind. "I can tell you don't want to be tied down. I see that. It's pretty damn obvious. But you won't be tied down. I won't be keeping you with me. You can leave whenever you want."
It scares me when people can peer into my soul like that. He continued. "There's something here. I know you can feel it. I don't know what you're so afraid of."
Afraid. I hate that word. I maintain this attitude that I can't be scared. Most of the time I'm not. Little things don't phase me. But looking at Billie I felt like I could see straight into him. He was sincere, he was sweet. I had known him for a week and he could make me weak at the knees. But I could ruin him. I could hurt him, break him, mess him up.
"You're..." I started.
"I know. Not worth it."
I looked away. "I don't want to hurt you." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I got up and looked away. He stood up right beside me, so close I could smell him, leather and beer and cigarettes and sweat. Then he completely disarmed me. I have spent a lot of my life building up walls so no one can get to me. But he disarms me, he hugs me in the middle of the room, and my first reaction is to get away. But then I give in. And he holds me and I am clutching the fabric of his shirt. His forehead is against mine and he is just looking straight into my eyes and I find my voice more clearly. "I don't want to hurt you." I repeat. He clears away the tears in my eyes and holds me close to him, so close to him that I just want to fit into him. He kisses me and I feel like his name is written all over my body. He is precious. Too precious to love, too precious to hurt. And he pulls away and he looks me in the eyes.
"I'm yours to break." he says.
A week, she thought to herself. I've known this guy for a week. A week and he's affecting me like this. What the hell is wrong with me?
At some point in the night she fell asleep but woke up around four o' clock after tossing and turning for hours on end. She pulled out a cigarette and was just about to light it when she heard someone banging on the door.
She opened the door to find Billie, barely standing with bloodshot eyes, reaking of alcohol. He could barely form words. He opened his mouth.
"I... I wanna be worth it." He collapsed in Ryn's arms and she fell to her knees trying to hold him up.
"God dammit..." she said to herself, sitting on the ground, holding him. She pulled him onto the bed and out of his wet clothes and wrapped him up in blankets. He looked so peaceful sleeping, even though she knew that soon enough he'd be blowing chunks all over the place.
"Billie... God. What the hell is wrong with you, child?" She sighed and pushed his hair out of his eyes, and then walked over to a chair in the side of the hotel room and fell asleep.
Ryn woke up to the sun peeking through the hotel window. It felt like she hadn't slept at all, but she must have because the light had changed and her body felt cramped from sleeping on the chair. She got up, her entire body shaking and cracking, her joints realligning. Water from the ice she had thrown across the room was all over the floor in freezing cold little puddles. The light from the sun fell on Billie Joe and he looked innocent. Innocent for being a hungover passed out 21 year old.
----------------- Billie Joe's point of view ----------------------------
My head was pounding, but I managed to open my eyes to the bright outside world for a few seconds before they clamped shut. Ryn was standing right in front of me. Where was I? Her face as I had just seen it must have been imprinted on my eyelids because I could still see her when I closed my eyes to the outside world. She put her hand to my forehead and stroked my cheek.
The morning was a blur filled with aspirin, sleeping, puking, and hearing Ryn's quiet footsteps around the room. But at around two in the afternoon I sat up and opened my eyes, feeling much better. She sat down next to me on the bed and ran her hand through my hair.
"You feeling better?" she said sympathetically.
"Yeah." I said with a slight smile.
"Good." She said. Then she smacked me. Upside the head. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU COULD HAVE DIED! DID YOU DRIVE HERE? WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU GO DOING SOMETHING THAT IDIOTIC? JESUS CHRIST YOU COULD HAVE DIED!" She screamed at me.
"Do you see what you're doing?" She said, lowering her voice. "You've making me worry. Me and worrying don't go."
I smiled. She was worried about me. "I'm sorry." I said. "I was frustrated and I drank a little too much."
"Way too much." she said.
---------------- Ryn's Point of View -------------------------
I don't like drunks. Oddly enough, considering my liver has endured it's share of abuse. But that's when I was younger. Stupider. More naive. Looking at Billie though, all my anger just kind of left me.
I sighed at him. "You shouldn't do things like that. I bet Mike and Tre are wondering where you are. You're supposed to be leaving tommorow."
"Not unless you come with me." he said.
I looked at him. What was wrong with him? Did he not see how I treated him, how I didn't want to be tied down?
But it was like he read my mind. "I can tell you don't want to be tied down. I see that. It's pretty damn obvious. But you won't be tied down. I won't be keeping you with me. You can leave whenever you want."
It scares me when people can peer into my soul like that. He continued. "There's something here. I know you can feel it. I don't know what you're so afraid of."
Afraid. I hate that word. I maintain this attitude that I can't be scared. Most of the time I'm not. Little things don't phase me. But looking at Billie I felt like I could see straight into him. He was sincere, he was sweet. I had known him for a week and he could make me weak at the knees. But I could ruin him. I could hurt him, break him, mess him up.
"You're..." I started.
"I know. Not worth it."
I looked away. "I don't want to hurt you." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I got up and looked away. He stood up right beside me, so close I could smell him, leather and beer and cigarettes and sweat. Then he completely disarmed me. I have spent a lot of my life building up walls so no one can get to me. But he disarms me, he hugs me in the middle of the room, and my first reaction is to get away. But then I give in. And he holds me and I am clutching the fabric of his shirt. His forehead is against mine and he is just looking straight into my eyes and I find my voice more clearly. "I don't want to hurt you." I repeat. He clears away the tears in my eyes and holds me close to him, so close to him that I just want to fit into him. He kisses me and I feel like his name is written all over my body. He is precious. Too precious to love, too precious to hurt. And he pulls away and he looks me in the eyes.
"I'm yours to break." he says.
