All Hail the Heartbreaker, chapter 6
I'm yours to break.
Billie's voice played over and over in my head while as I was looking out the window of Tre's car. Tre and Mike were up front and Billie was beside me smoking a joint. He smiled and passed it to me. I took a few hits. It had been quite a while. I handed it to Mike and then I laid down in Billie's lap letting myself drift off into a daze.
All I can see are blurs and all I can hear is the yelling. Images flash in my head- getting high out by the train tracks on the edge of the town. I see colors. The gray of the smoke off the end of a cigarette, the white moon shining on the black shadows. I see the past flash before my eyes like a series of black and white photos. I try to find my voice and I'm screaming for him.
I open my eyes and I see Billie and I press my lips against his neck. It's just all a blur and the car is parked and it's just Billie and I and I am kissing his neck and he is taken aback and I go for the zipper of his pants and he grabs my hands, and he just holds me and I can feel the tears going down my eyes and I can taste them, salty and warm and I try to get away but he holds me and I can't fight so I slip into sleep.
I wake up later. It must be later, I must have slept because the sun is starting to go down and the air coming through the windows is cooler. Whatever happened that afternoon had a dreamlike quality to it.
Billie looks down at me. He smiles slightly and then looks back out the window.
"Who is James?" he asks.
*Billie's POV*
James. James. Ryn had just repeated the name James over and over and then the name Kory until she snapped out of her own little world. Kory was her name. She told me that when we first met. Only people she loved called her Kory. But why was she saying her own name?
We were parked in the car outside a small bar. Mike and Tre had gone in because they're intelligent with the whole drinking and driving deal. I said I would stay in the car with Ryn while she slept.
When I asked her who he was, she looked like she had seen a ghost, the color drained from her face. She inhaled.
"He's no one."
"You were screaming his name." I said. "I know he's someone."
"Yes, he's someone. Can we just leave it at that?"
I sighed. Ryn just kept closing herself up like that. One second she's be somewhat open with me. But she was constantly changing from hot to cold.
"Look, you don't need to know everything about my past." She said, sounding irritated.
"I don't want to know everything from your past! Hell, I don't know anything about your past. Give me a break." I said.
"He was a friend of mine, okay? Leave it alone."
Ryn opened the door and pulled a cigarette out of her duffel bag and sat on the hood of the car. Music was escaping through the doors of the bar and the sun was starting to set. I got out of the car and laid down next to her on the hood of the car.
"Why are you putting up with my shit?" She said.
"Because. I like you. And I know somewhere past that 'shit' as you call it is someone I want to be with." I said. "I told you. I'm yours to break."
*Ryn's POV*
I wished he would stop saying that. 'I'm yours to break'. It just made me weak to my knees.
James. I could picture his face in my head when I closed my eyes. My best friend. Such a sincere face, with his boyish grin and his bright blue eyes. I had hurt him. It had been my fault. And for once I felt like telling someone.
"James was my best friend. We'd known eachother for years and years. And I hurt him. I broke him. He was mine to break and I did. I broke him." I said. What else could I trust him with? "I hurt him. It was my fault. Everything was my fault." I could feel myself getting choked up. But Billie understood. How could he do that? How is it that he knew just when it was too painful to keep going.
He kissed me. He tasted like cigarettes. We tasted the same.
"I don't know where you've been. What's gone on. Who you've known. But I know this much- you are different from everyone I know. I've never met anyone like you. No one could ever compare. You make me unsure of what I'm doing and weak at the knees. I say I'm yours to break but what I mean is that I'm yours completely."
Right then I could have lost myself in him, crawled inside of him and never looked back. I tried. I fit myself perfectly under his arms and held onto him harder then I'd ever held on to anyone before.
*Billie's POV*
She was holding onto me. She let go for a moment and pulled back. She stroked my cheek with the back of her hand and kissed my forehead, kissed my eyelids and kissed my lips.
I take her and hold her close. "I would never do anything to hurt you, Ryn."
She kisses my cheek. "Call me Kory."
Billie's voice played over and over in my head while as I was looking out the window of Tre's car. Tre and Mike were up front and Billie was beside me smoking a joint. He smiled and passed it to me. I took a few hits. It had been quite a while. I handed it to Mike and then I laid down in Billie's lap letting myself drift off into a daze.
All I can see are blurs and all I can hear is the yelling. Images flash in my head- getting high out by the train tracks on the edge of the town. I see colors. The gray of the smoke off the end of a cigarette, the white moon shining on the black shadows. I see the past flash before my eyes like a series of black and white photos. I try to find my voice and I'm screaming for him.
I open my eyes and I see Billie and I press my lips against his neck. It's just all a blur and the car is parked and it's just Billie and I and I am kissing his neck and he is taken aback and I go for the zipper of his pants and he grabs my hands, and he just holds me and I can feel the tears going down my eyes and I can taste them, salty and warm and I try to get away but he holds me and I can't fight so I slip into sleep.
I wake up later. It must be later, I must have slept because the sun is starting to go down and the air coming through the windows is cooler. Whatever happened that afternoon had a dreamlike quality to it.
Billie looks down at me. He smiles slightly and then looks back out the window.
"Who is James?" he asks.
*Billie's POV*
James. James. Ryn had just repeated the name James over and over and then the name Kory until she snapped out of her own little world. Kory was her name. She told me that when we first met. Only people she loved called her Kory. But why was she saying her own name?
We were parked in the car outside a small bar. Mike and Tre had gone in because they're intelligent with the whole drinking and driving deal. I said I would stay in the car with Ryn while she slept.
When I asked her who he was, she looked like she had seen a ghost, the color drained from her face. She inhaled.
"He's no one."
"You were screaming his name." I said. "I know he's someone."
"Yes, he's someone. Can we just leave it at that?"
I sighed. Ryn just kept closing herself up like that. One second she's be somewhat open with me. But she was constantly changing from hot to cold.
"Look, you don't need to know everything about my past." She said, sounding irritated.
"I don't want to know everything from your past! Hell, I don't know anything about your past. Give me a break." I said.
"He was a friend of mine, okay? Leave it alone."
Ryn opened the door and pulled a cigarette out of her duffel bag and sat on the hood of the car. Music was escaping through the doors of the bar and the sun was starting to set. I got out of the car and laid down next to her on the hood of the car.
"Why are you putting up with my shit?" She said.
"Because. I like you. And I know somewhere past that 'shit' as you call it is someone I want to be with." I said. "I told you. I'm yours to break."
*Ryn's POV*
I wished he would stop saying that. 'I'm yours to break'. It just made me weak to my knees.
James. I could picture his face in my head when I closed my eyes. My best friend. Such a sincere face, with his boyish grin and his bright blue eyes. I had hurt him. It had been my fault. And for once I felt like telling someone.
"James was my best friend. We'd known eachother for years and years. And I hurt him. I broke him. He was mine to break and I did. I broke him." I said. What else could I trust him with? "I hurt him. It was my fault. Everything was my fault." I could feel myself getting choked up. But Billie understood. How could he do that? How is it that he knew just when it was too painful to keep going.
He kissed me. He tasted like cigarettes. We tasted the same.
"I don't know where you've been. What's gone on. Who you've known. But I know this much- you are different from everyone I know. I've never met anyone like you. No one could ever compare. You make me unsure of what I'm doing and weak at the knees. I say I'm yours to break but what I mean is that I'm yours completely."
Right then I could have lost myself in him, crawled inside of him and never looked back. I tried. I fit myself perfectly under his arms and held onto him harder then I'd ever held on to anyone before.
*Billie's POV*
She was holding onto me. She let go for a moment and pulled back. She stroked my cheek with the back of her hand and kissed my forehead, kissed my eyelids and kissed my lips.
I take her and hold her close. "I would never do anything to hurt you, Ryn."
She kisses my cheek. "Call me Kory."
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