You're My Little Secret, chapter 16
July 20th, 2005
I pulled into Adrienne's driveway and killed the engine. Today was the morning of her doctor's appointment, the one that would determine when she would be having her surgery. I figured the sooner the better because she could be on the road to recovery by the beginning of August.
I was feeling a little anxious because Adrienne had called to tell me yesterday morning that she would be informing Billie Joe and the boys about her medical situation when they got home in the evening from their day trip to the beach. But when her front door opened and she only appeared I was confused. Why wasn't Billie Joe coming with us to the appointment? But as she slid into the front seat of my Jetta I knew why... she hadn't told him.
She hung her head a little and I heard the sniffles as she covered her face.
"You should have told him." Was all I said as I backed down the driveway and we began the fairly short drive to Dr. Robert's office.
I ran through McDonalds on the way there and got us both a large coffee, knowing full well it was going to be a long and emotional morning. Once we arrived at the doctor's office we sat silently in the car for a few minutes, sipping our coffee and listening to our favorite morning show, the DJ's discussing the upcoming weekend movie releases. But none of this seemed important.
"Ready?" I asked as she fidgeted on the leather seat next to me.
She looked over at me and I could see from her eyes that she was tired and regretful. "I guess." Was her simple response as I nodded and grabbed my purse from the backseat.
I held Adrienne's hand tightly as we sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office, getting impatient as each minute passed, each seeming like an eternity.
Finally we were granted some salvation. "Mrs. Armstrong? Adrienne?" A young blonde woman called, emerging from a door off to the side of the small office. Adrienne nodded and stood up, continuing to hold my hand as we walked towards the woman. "My sister can come in too, right?" Adrienne asked, although it sounded more like a statement to my ears. The nurse smiled a little. "Of course. Right this way." She replied, leading us back into a small room.
"Dr. Roberts will be in shortly." The woman said, leaving us standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.
I hated the smell of doctor's offices. And I hated that I had nothing clever or comforting to say to my sister as she sat perched on the wax sheet spread out on the examining table. I opted for a small chair in the corner, neither of us speaking, both of us thinking different things. I wished suddenly that Tre were here, he would have something comical to say... or at the very least he could hold me close to him and make me feel safe.
I hadn't told Adrienne about us yet, and I could tell each time I saw him or spoke to him he was getting antsy, and all I had to say was 'it's not the right time' or 'I'll find the right moment, just give me time'. I knew he was getting irritated with me, but I couldn't bear to tell my sister and risk her losing the only person who was currently her support system. I really wish she had told Billie Joe, for my own selfish reasons and otherwise.
I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear the door open, but I did notice Dr. Robert's stroll through it wearing a blinding crisp white smock and a big cheesy grin.
"Adrienne, good morning. And Ava, hello." He greeted, warmly, sitting down on a small stool at the desk in the corner. He pushed his black glasses up on his nose as he sat hunched over the desk examining the chart he brought in. I sat up a little straighter in my chair as Adrienne held out her hand for me to hold. I gladly did, I think more so for my sake than for hers.
"Okay, here's the deal...you have a couple options of Adrienne." Dr. Roberts said, looking like a big smarty pants in his glasses and sporty watch. He held up three fingers as her and I nodded eagerly.
"One, we can give you radiation to shrink the tumor we found. Two, we can perform surgery, which is your best bet because that way we can get in there and see if anything else is effected. Or three we can do nothing and because it's benign we can just keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't become larger and more obtrusive." He said, ticking off each point as he spoke.
"Well, option three is shitty." I commented before I could help myself.
Dr. Roberts nodded. "I think surgery is your best bet, I can't stress that enough. I know it seems scary Adrienne, but we would rather perform the surgery, remove anything harmful to you than have it spread to other places in your body. But it's up to you. You would be in the hospital for three days and it would probably take about two weeks before you will be up and running at full speed again." He rambled on.
My sister who had been quiet through all of this, looking rather dazed at all the information held up her hand. "You'll have to excuse me, Dr. Roberts... I'm just... I'm just shocked. It's a lot to take in." She said, as I gripped her hand tighter and nodded in agreement.
"I understand. Look, how about I go grab you a water and you and your sister can talk this over, okay? If you have any questions I'll be glad to answer them when I get back." He said, gathering up his things and heading for the door.
Once he was gone Adrienne slid off the examining table and began pacing the room, which was maddening to watch because the room wasn't that large.
"What do you think, kid?" she asked, absent mindedly.
"I think you should have the surgery." I replied, still sitting on the uncomfortable chair and wishing like hell Billie Joe was here. He could always calm her down, no matter what.
I think she read my mind because she muttered, "I wish Billie were here." She said regretfully.
"We can call him, Adi. He can be here in ten minutes." I replied, reaching for my purse and pulling out my cell phone. "Say the words."
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." She murmured to herself, obviously fighting a mental battle.
She finally shook her head. "He doesn't deserve to find out this way."
I watched as she stopped pacing and turned to look at me with desperate eyes. "Am I a bad person?" She asked suddenly. "A good wife would have told her husband the truth." She mumbled.
"Okay, the extra large coffee was a bad idea." I joked, standing up and walking over to her. "You cannot call yourself a bad person. You made a bad CHOICE, yes, but you aren't a bad person. You have his best intentions at heart, Adrienne. It's just backfiring a tad." I said, and for the first time I realized that our situations really weren't that different. We both are keeping a secret to protect someone that we love and cherish, and we were both struggling for a way to make it right.
She stopped pacing as I pulled her into a hug. She felt jittery and tense against my body as she sniffled.
"I'm going to have the surgery." She announced, mumbling into the material of my shirt.
I nodded. "Okay, we'll set it up with the doctor." I replied.
We set the surgery date for August 27th. It was hard trying to compromise with the doctor's schedule and trying to figure out when the guys had a gap in their touring schedule. The doctor had nothing earlier than the 27th, which was fine by Adrienne because she wanted time to tell Billie Joe and the kids and to get everything arranged before going into surgery. The guys had a show on the 26th in Florida but not another one until the 30th, we figured he could fly home the day of the surgery and be with her when she came out. Billie Joe was going to hit the fucking ceiling... and no one really blamed him.
July 23rd, 2005
Today is the day of Sidney's party... ladee-freakin-da.
Adrienne and I had breakfast in the morning and she was in rather good spirits, declaring that she wanted to have a good time tonight and that she was going to tell Billie Joe in the next couple days about her surgery. She insisted that we make the most of the night, dancing and drinking because after the sobering news got around it was going to be hectic. She also insisted that we keep the date set for our parent's anniversary party, but promised me that if she didn't feel up to it as the date approached we would cancel.
We parted ways and set out to get ready for Sidney's party at The Holy Cow's VIP Red Room in San Francisco. She had upped her number of invites from 300 to 400 people and she hoped her location of choice was large enough. I had only talked to Mike a couple times since they had been back, but he was pulling out his hair at her fussing and hustling around to make sure everything was perfect.
Later as I was walking out of the grocery store I heard my cell phone ringing from my purse. I attempted to balance my bags and reach for it at the same time, somehow managing not to drop my purchases all over the ground.
"Hello?"
"Hey gorgeous, what are you doing?" Tre greeted me cheerfully.
I smiled instantly. "Just leaving the grocery store, what are you doing?"
"I'm wondering what's going on for tonight... and I'm sitting ass naked in the living room watching the naughty channel." He muttered mischievously.
I giggled. "Frankito and Claudia out for the afternoon?" I teased.
"No, they're just outside." He casually replied, as I laughed again.
"Umm, it sounds like everything is kicking off around 9." I said, answering his previous question.
"I know all of that. But how about we grab something to eat before hand? I would love to stroll in that club with a sexy woman like you decorating my arm." He joked as I switched ears and rolled my eyes.
"I am no man's arm decoration, thank you." I declared as he laughed.
"I can think of something else you can decorate." He bantered back, knowing damn well that if I were there I would slap him upside his head.
"I won't dignify that with an answer." I insisted, settling into my car after tucking my bags into the backseat.
"Fine then. But how about dinner? I know this really great Mexican restaurant I want to try." He rambled as I felt a sense of guilt wash over me.
I sighed. "I don't think it's a good idea to show up together." I muttered, waiting for his response.
He was silent for a moment and then, "I don't see why we can't go together."
I dreaded the thought of having another disagreement with him so soon after he got back. "If we want to meet in the parking lot ahead of time that's fine, but I just think it would be best if we showed up in different cars... you know, let's keep a low profile." I insisted as he grumbled something in response.
I sighed. "What did you say?"
"I don't think I need to point out AGAIN that I'm sick of fucking around behind everyone's back, do I?"
My shoulders sagged with guilt as I wordlessly shook my head. "No." I whispered.
He sighed into the phone and I could sense his regret at snapping. "I'm sorry Ava... you're right. Let's just... let's just meet there."
I sat silently for a moment, squinting into the bright sun as I still sat in the parking lot, wishing this situation would just go away and that Tre would just magically be happy with me, "Soon." I finally said in response, and I knew what he meant. I had to tell her soon.
"Okay, I'll see you tonight." He said quietly. "G'bye."
Sidney wasn't kidding when she said this was going to be an extravagant event, spare no expense. When I walked through the doors I was glad suddenly that I had bothered to spend a few extra minutes on my appearance by putting my hair in hot rollers and adding that extra coat of mascara. I noticed immediately that most of the people were her colleagues; they stuck out like a sore thumb looking very sleek in their 'casual clothing'. I smoothed out my black strapless summer dress and set out to look for a familiar face, but not before grabbing a drink at the bar.
I noticed Sidney almost immediately, wearing a very sparkly pink dress that swished about her as she circulated the large room, dragging Mike around with her as she went. I saw Adrienne and Billie Joe sitting in a corner booth, his arm tucked lovingly around my sister as she giggled and whispered something in his ear. I stood with a smile on my face, realizing once again just how perfect they were together; I only hoped to find someone who complimented me like Billie Joe complimented my sister.
I sauntered over to Sidney and Mike who were in the process of chatting with a very tall man, who looked to have a stick up his ass.
"Hey birthday girl." I said, touching Sidney's arm as the man politely excused himself and walked away.
"Ava, you look beautiful." Sidney cooed, pulling me into a hug. She looked like a Barbie that should have been standing on top of her own birthday cake... in a good way. In a Sidney way.
"Thank you, so do you." I said kissing her cheek as I turned to Mike.
"Hey Ava... I have to agree, you do look beautiful." Mike said surveying my hair and face before pulling me into a hug.
I giggled. "Jesus, you people act like I never change out of t-shirts and jeans." I teased sarcastically, knowing full well I never did.
They grinned. "I won't take up your mingling time, go be social." I said shooing them away. "I just wanted to say happy birthday."
Sidney grinned as way of thanking me as she started to move away again, with Mike in tow. "Save me a dance." He requested as I nodded and waved a little.
I felt eyes on me and as I instinctively turned to my left and saw Tre leaning against a table talking to Jason and Cassie. He grinned and winked as I smiled back. I watched as he said something else to the couple before negotiating his way through the crowd, slowing making his way towards me.
"Goddamn, you look breath taking." He complimented and then surprised me as he pulled me to him for a hug.
I giggled and patted his back as he held me close for a brief second.
"Want to dance with me?" he asked giddily as a slower sang rang from the DJ's booth.
I nodded and set my drink down on a vacant table.
I felt tingly as he led me over to the middle of the dance floor, and as I wrapped my arms around his neck I glanced casually towards where I had last seen my sister. They were still sitting together, but I was pretty sure she hadn't seen me yet.
I instantly committed to memory the feeling of his hands on the small of my back, the heat radiating through my dress to my skin, and the way his scent clung to his powder blue dress shirt as we danced amongst other couples to a familiar Bon Jovi song.
"You're the most beautiful woman here." Tre whispered huskily into my ear as we continued to sway in time to the music. "And believe me, I've looked at all of them." He added as I giggled and pressed my cheek a little harder against his shoulder, my forehead pressing against his neck.
When the song finished I regretfully broke away from his warm embrace.
"I should go tell Adrienne I'm here." I said as he looked down in disappointment at our sudden break in contact. "Wanna come?" I asked, hopefully.
He shrugged. "How about I catch up with you later?" He asked, his blue eyes a little distant as I nodded in agreement. "Not too later, okay?" I answered slyly.
I watched that small grin of his creep on to his face as he smirked. "No, not too much later."
I watched him make his way back through the crowd as I headed in the opposite direction towards Adrienne and Billie Joe.
"Hey kid!" Adrienne called as I came to a stop in front of their booth.
I smiled and slid in next to my sister who leaned forward and kissed my cheek, acting as though she hadn't seen me in days, even though we had breakfast that morning. "You look beautiful." She complimented, looking me up and down.
I rolled my eyes. I never thought hearing that phrase could get old, but it was starting to... and rather quickly; I mean come on, I didn't look like utter shit all of the time, right?
"As do you." I said, smiling over at Billie Joe who was nursing a beer.
"Hey." He simply nodded.
"Did you just get here?" Adrienne asked as I glanced around the room looking for Tre. I saw him leaning against the bar talking to some brunette woman, which surprisingly gave my stomach quite a start. Feeling unsettled I turned around and quickly devoted my attention to Adrienne.
"Awhile ago. I stopped and talked to Sidney and Mike for a bit... she is quite the social butterfly." I mumbled to the pair sitting next to me.
Billie Joe chuckled. "To say the fucking least. I've never seen so many stuffy people in one room."
I giggled at his look of apprehension. Adrienne seemed to be having a good time as she smiled and gossiped with me a little bit. We surveyed the crowd and pointed out a few people who were amused by, which seemed to pass the time. I was on my third Sex on the Beach when Tre made his way over and plopped down next to me in the booth, throwing his arm over the top behind me.
"What's going on?" he asked, the beer from his breath assaulting my nostrils.
"We're making fun of people." I explained as he grinned.
"Well, these people are like walking targets." He mumbled as he rested his free hand on the table.
"I don't think Mike has stopped shaking hands since we got here." Billie Joe commented in amusement, watching his best friend move from person to person in an exhausting manner.
"He's probably hoping his hand shaking will lead to her shaking something of his later on." Tre teased as I nudged him.
"He's being loyal." I said, defending Mike. "I would expect no less of him."
Adrienne agreed. "Yeah, Mike is a good boyfriend." She replied and then broke into a huge grin as she waved to someone in the crowd. "Speaking of boyfriends, Ava, where is Ian tonight?" She asked playfully as I felt Tre go rigid from beside me.
I tried to remain calm as I shot my sister an annoyed look. "Adrienne, how many times do I have to tell you that Ian and I aren't together?" I asked through clenched teeth.
She waved my answer away with her hand. "Well, I still want to meet him. He sounds absolutely fucking adorable." She gushed as I took another sip of my drink and I could almost feel Tre's anger radiating out of him as I sensed his need to leave.
"I'm going to go mingle." He announced, standing up, causing Adrienne to look at him in confusion.
"Alright." She said, shrugging. Billie Joe had remained silent through all of our interaction, but from one look on his face I knew that his suspicions from two months earlier had been confirmed. He knew.
I felt panic rise up inside of me as Tre shot me a less than subtle look of disappointment and betrayal as he walked away from the table.
My shoulders sagged from the weight of Billie Joe's look and from Tre's sudden departure, but Adrienne didn't seem to notice as she kept talking on about this or that, telling me an amusing story about how Jakob's pet turtle had gotten loose in the house. I tried to get lost in the story, but my heart wasn't in it.
I excused myself awhile later, hoping to run into Tre at the bar. As I ordered another drink I felt a familiar presence beside me and as I looked up I saw Mike staring at me through tired eyes.
"For crying out fuck, Ava, hide me." He joked miserably, trying to pull me in front of him as a shield as he ducked down covertly.
"Sweety I'm about six inches short than you... I probably won't do a very good job of keeping you hidden." I said, petting his hair as he stood upright again, smiling he turned to order a drink from the bartender.
"So how goes it, Ava girl? Are you having fun?"
I shook my head and searched the room for Tre again, which proved to be difficult because there were so many people milling around. "Tre is getting frustrated with me." I replied, glancing back at Mike who nodded.
"Excuse me for saying so, but it seems like you put the brakes on your relationship progress again. Something going on?" He asked, concern filling his voice as we both sat down on a stool. "You've been a little distant since we got home."
I leaned my head against my hand and turned towards his him. "Something is going on... but the way I feel for Tre remains the same. If that makes sense." I mumbled as he nodded.
"Does this something have to do with Adrienne?" Mike questioned.
I nodded. "I found out what's been going on... .and I just, I just need more time before I go blurting out that Tre and I are together." I explained as he grinned.
"I know I've been saying this since the beginning, but I'll say it again; in the end everything will be okay, it'll work out." He promised as I grinned up at him.
"You're such a fucking optimist." I teased as he kissed my cheek.
"Tell me about it. But someone has to keep you kids in line." He paused for a moment and then cringed, "Oh fuck, I have to go. I see Sidney scanning the crowd impatiently... she wants me to meet more of her colleagues. People with names like Blake Carrington and Bryce Malloy. Fucking rich snobs." He joked, as I waved him away.
"Have fun." I mumbled as he strolled back towards his birthday girl.
I was about to go find Tre when I felt two strangely familiar yet foreign hands cover my eyes.
"Guess who." The person demanded.
I felt my stomach hit the floor as I fought not to recognize the voice. Oh please God, it can't be...
"Ian?" I mumbled, pulling his hands away from my eyes and turning around on my stool.
I stared at him as he broke into that charming grin of his. "Hey, I wanted to surprise you." He explained as he grabbed my hands and pulled me to stand next to him, wrapping me in a hug. "I just got back from Oregon this morning."
I was so flustered and so appalled that he was here, especially while things were messy enough. Tre was going to throw a fucking mental, and who could blame him? This certainly didn't look good.
"What are you doing HERE?" I asked, taking a step back from him and quickly looking around.
He grinned again and reached out to touch the curls framing my face. "You look beautiful." He complimented, blushing a little.
I muttered a thank you just as Adrienne appeared at my side.
"You must be Ian!" Adrienne gushed, holding out her hand. "Hi, I'm Ava's sister Adrienne, we spoke on the phone."
Ian shook her hand and smiled. "Nice to meet you. I'm so glad you called."
I was so confused and I swear my head was going to spin around on my neck with how fucked up everything was.
"Hold on!" I demanded, both of them turning to look at me as though they just remembered I was here. "You called Ian?" I clarified as my sister nodded and grinned.
"I called and asked him to come out tonight... I wanted to meet him and you mentioned he was gone for a couple weeks, so I called to see when he was coming back... I thought it would great if he could come out and meet everyone." She explained.
"And it just so happened I was flying back this morning." Ian added, smiling at me.
"I'm going to grab my husband, stay right here!" Adrienne said, scurrying away as Ian turned back to me and smiled. "She seems great."
I felt so panicked and I knew if I didn't get air soon I was going to pass out, I felt like I was being suffocated. And I had to find Tre before he found us.
"Ian, I need to step out for a minute... " I said taking a step backwards, and as I did I felt my back press against a warm chest. Fuck me...
"Well HI, you must be Ian." I heard Tre say from behind me, just a touch louder than necessary. Ian's grin never faltered as he stepped forward and held out his hand. "I am. And you are?"
Tre gently maneuvered himself around me and placed his hand in Ian's. "I'm Tre, we spoke on the phone awhile back." Tre replied as Ian's smile faded just a little.
I stood staring back and forth between them in horror as Tre practically crushed Ian's hand in his own.
"So you came out to celebrate with us, huh?" Tre asked, finally releasing his hand and leaning back against the bar.
Ian nodded. "Yeah, I've been out of town for a couple weeks visiting family in Oregon. I flew back in this morning."
Tre nodded enthusiastically. "I see, well, I'm glad you could join us. Ava has told us so MUCH about you." He replied, making me feel rather uncomfortable at the way he was staring at Ian, a look that sort of resembled a lion ready to attack his prey.
Ian smiled, obviously also feeling rather uncomfortable under Tre's fixed gaze and turned to look at me as I continued to glare up at Tre.
"Tre, don't you have some underage girl to feel up?" I joked sarcastically through clenched teeth.
Tre finally tore his glare away from Ian and fixed it on me. "What's the problem, kid? I'm just trying to be friendly here... you know how much we've all been DYING to meet Ian... umm, Ian... what's your last name, by the way?" Tre asked curioiusly.
Ian cleared his throat. "Jones."
Tre's eyes widened. "Jones? Oh, like the Counting Crow's song... you know, pass me a bottle, Mr. Jones. Sha la la la la la, yeah." He mocked, grinning like a smartass.
"Tre... " I started in a warning tone but I was cut off by Adrienne appearing at my side, dragging a very confused Billie Joe with her.
She reached over and pulled Ian against her side in a warm gesture as she spoke. "Billie Joe this is Ava's boyfriend Ian... Ian, this is my husband Billie Joe." Adrienne enthusiastically introduced the two as Ian blushed and Billie Joe looked at me in confusion.
"I though Ava said he wasn't... " Billie Joe started but was cut off by Adrienne poking him in the side. "She DID say he was out of town." Adrienne finished the sentence with a polite smile.
Billie Joe shook his head. "No, what I was going to say was she said he wasn't her boy... " He started yet again, but this time it was Tre who cut him off.
"No, I'm pretty sure she said Ian is her main squeeze." Tre said, fixing another glare in my direction as I stood helplessly among everyone, feeling as though I was drowning in a pool of anxiety.
Four pairs of eyes stared at me, waiting for a response to his statement as I glared menacingly at Tre. And then I lost it. "What the fuck are you trying to do, huh?" I asked, snapping at Tre... feeling my eyes burn with months of guilt and betrayal, and just from the general angst that never seemed to go away.
His eyebrow rose in surprise and I could sense Ian's discomfort and Adrienne's confused stare boring into the side of my head.
"What do you want me to say?" I demanded, stepping closer to him as he stubbornly pushed away from the bar and stood toe to toe with me, his blue eyes fixed on my brown ones.
"Umm, I have a question." I heard Billie Joe mumble from behind me.
Tre and I turned to look at him as he lowered his raised hand. "Does anyone want a drink because I think a fucking shot of something or another could really ease the tension in here." He joked lightly as Adrienne pushed him and gave him a disappointed look.
"What's going on?" She asked, glancing back and forth between Tre and I and then once at a very confused looking Ian.
"Ava?" She questioned more pointedly after a moment of no response from the three of us.
I stood awkwardly still for a moment trying to conjure some sort of explanation for everything, but months and months of piled up shit made it difficult for me to speak. Tre sighed at my silence as I stared down at my shoes, not even knowing where to begin. I looked up at him when he sighed and he looked hurt, which made my heart twist inside my chest.
"You know what? Fuck it, I'm done." He muttered at me as he stepped past me and headed for the door.
I felt panic rise in me at his words. "No, Tre... " I said helplessly, not bothering to explain to the other three where I was going as I started after him.
I could feel three pairs of eyes stare into my back as I pushed through the crowd, trying to stay close behind him as he stalked towards the door but he was a little sturdier than I was, making it easier for him to push his way through.
I sighed in relief when I felt fresh air push its way into my lungs and cool my flushed skin. I hurried along the sidewalk after him as he continued to march towards his car in anger.
"Tre, STOP." I demanded as my high heels made a haunting sound against the concrete. "TRE."
As I caught up to him I grabbed on to his forearm but he tore it away from my grasp and continued to hurry along, never stopping or even turning to look at me.
"Don't be like this... please." I begged, as tears began streaming down my face, going almost unnoticed as I reached for him once again, grabbing on to the pooled material in the back of his shirt.
When he reached his car he turned around so suddenly and so unexpectedly that I crashed into his chest. He grabbed my arms to steady me as his icy eyes bore into my teary ones.
"I'm so sick of fucking lying, Ava." He stated calmly, as I nodded and wiped at my eyes.
"I didn't know what to say... I wasn't prepared to answer about us." I explained as he shook his head in disappointment.
"The truth... you could have told the fucking truth." He muttered sadly, still grasping my arms.
"And what exactly IS the fucking truth?" I heard Adrienne's voice question from behind us. I whipped my head around to see Adrienne and Billie Joe standing just a few feet to our right.
She looked very confused and VERY angry. "Adrienne, I... " I started to reply as Tre released my arms and stepped forward. "I love your sister... I love Ava." Tre strongly replied, earning a rise of an eyebrow from Billie Joe and an appalled look from my sister.
"You WHAT?" Adrienne gasped in surprise. "Ava?" She turned to me with questioning eyes, her hand pressed to her chest.
I felt my resistance crumble, it was now or never. "We've been seeing each other since last October." I blurted out, surprising myself. That probably wasn't the best place to start but I was so tired of lying. "Since Halloween." I added for the fuck of it, no use in holding back now.
Adrienne's mouth dropped open as she took a step backwards into Billie Joe who was looking quite surprised himself, but I could also sense a touch of smugness; he had known all long.
"HALLOWEEN?" She echoed in disbelief. "I don't understand... " She mumbled, turning to look at Billie Joe who shrugged helplessly.
"I think it's great." He offered with another shrug, which earned a small smile from Tre who remained stoic in his stance, hands jammed into his pockets.
"Oh yeah, it's just fucking WONDERFUL, very magical." Adrienne fumed sarcastically. "My only sister ending up with the likes of him." Adrienne mumbled, jerking a thumb towards Tre.
"Hey." I said defensively taking a step towards Tre, which earned another raise of Billie Joe's eyebrow. "Don't talk about him like that." I warned as her mouth hung open even further.
"I can't believe this... it's like the fucking twilight zone." She murmured, grabbing at her head. I sensed her meltdown was upon us and I only hoped we would all make it out alive.
"YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO ME SINCE OCTOBER?" She shrieked, causing Billie Joe to flinch because her mouth was only inches away from his eardrum.
I cringed too... but out of guilt. "I'm sorry." I said desperately, walking closer to her and taking her hand. "I never thought it would get this far, but it has and well... we love each other. I've been meaning to tell you for awhile now... " And then I stopped talking suddenly, earning a look of frustration from my sister.
But I was tired of making excuses and tired of lying. "Actually, you know what Adrienne, we didn't want to tell you because in the beginning it was just about sex." I stated matter-o-factly as her eyes widened in disbelief. I saw Billie Joe's eyes shift to Tre and then shift down to the ground, obviously in shock of my admittance. "It started off as purely sexual in the beginning and then slowly as the months rolled on we realized that we have come to care for one another." I said slowly, turning around to look at Tre who was still standing still and he offered me a quiet smile.
Adrienne had grabbed a hold of the hem on Billie Joe's jacket and it looked like her head was going to pop off so I hurriedly added, "But the last thing I ever wanted to do was lie to or to make you lose trust in me. We didn't plan it, we didn't expect it to happen... it just sort of fell into our hands." And when she still looked lost, "Oh, Adrienne... I'm sorry." I mumbled, tearing up at the last part as she stood completely still, staring at me in shock and disbelief.
We stared at each other for a moment, her eyes pleading for understanding and mine for forgiveness. And then she looked away, simply releasing her hold on Billie Joe's coat and turning on her heel to walk away from me.
"Adrienne... " I called out desperately to her retreating back, but she didn't reply and she never looked back. And as I stood there on the empty sidewalk watching her wordlessly walk away from me my heart broke. I had been right, she wasn't going to forgive me for this. I wrapped my arms around myself as Billie Joe shot me a look of sympathy, but he too wordlessly turned and walked away from me, hurrying after his wife. I felt myself start to shake as the tears poured down my cheeks and emptiness filled my chest.
I had almost forgotten Tre was there until I felt him gently touch my back, causing me to jump at the sudden contact.
"Ava... " He started to say in a soft voice but I shook off his hand and turned to walk back towards my car. "It's what you wanted, right? Her to know the fucking truth!" I yelled at him, never turning around to look at him as I walked miserably back to my car. I knew this wasn't entirely his fault, but it felt easier to blame someone than to actually deal with the realizations that Adrienne may never forgive me for betraying her.
I hated myself and I hated him in that moment too; my best kept secret and favorite mistake had finally backfired. And now I was left to pick up the pieces.
I pulled into Adrienne's driveway and killed the engine. Today was the morning of her doctor's appointment, the one that would determine when she would be having her surgery. I figured the sooner the better because she could be on the road to recovery by the beginning of August.
I was feeling a little anxious because Adrienne had called to tell me yesterday morning that she would be informing Billie Joe and the boys about her medical situation when they got home in the evening from their day trip to the beach. But when her front door opened and she only appeared I was confused. Why wasn't Billie Joe coming with us to the appointment? But as she slid into the front seat of my Jetta I knew why... she hadn't told him.
She hung her head a little and I heard the sniffles as she covered her face.
"You should have told him." Was all I said as I backed down the driveway and we began the fairly short drive to Dr. Robert's office.
I ran through McDonalds on the way there and got us both a large coffee, knowing full well it was going to be a long and emotional morning. Once we arrived at the doctor's office we sat silently in the car for a few minutes, sipping our coffee and listening to our favorite morning show, the DJ's discussing the upcoming weekend movie releases. But none of this seemed important.
"Ready?" I asked as she fidgeted on the leather seat next to me.
She looked over at me and I could see from her eyes that she was tired and regretful. "I guess." Was her simple response as I nodded and grabbed my purse from the backseat.
I held Adrienne's hand tightly as we sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office, getting impatient as each minute passed, each seeming like an eternity.
Finally we were granted some salvation. "Mrs. Armstrong? Adrienne?" A young blonde woman called, emerging from a door off to the side of the small office. Adrienne nodded and stood up, continuing to hold my hand as we walked towards the woman. "My sister can come in too, right?" Adrienne asked, although it sounded more like a statement to my ears. The nurse smiled a little. "Of course. Right this way." She replied, leading us back into a small room.
"Dr. Roberts will be in shortly." The woman said, leaving us standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.
I hated the smell of doctor's offices. And I hated that I had nothing clever or comforting to say to my sister as she sat perched on the wax sheet spread out on the examining table. I opted for a small chair in the corner, neither of us speaking, both of us thinking different things. I wished suddenly that Tre were here, he would have something comical to say... or at the very least he could hold me close to him and make me feel safe.
I hadn't told Adrienne about us yet, and I could tell each time I saw him or spoke to him he was getting antsy, and all I had to say was 'it's not the right time' or 'I'll find the right moment, just give me time'. I knew he was getting irritated with me, but I couldn't bear to tell my sister and risk her losing the only person who was currently her support system. I really wish she had told Billie Joe, for my own selfish reasons and otherwise.
I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear the door open, but I did notice Dr. Robert's stroll through it wearing a blinding crisp white smock and a big cheesy grin.
"Adrienne, good morning. And Ava, hello." He greeted, warmly, sitting down on a small stool at the desk in the corner. He pushed his black glasses up on his nose as he sat hunched over the desk examining the chart he brought in. I sat up a little straighter in my chair as Adrienne held out her hand for me to hold. I gladly did, I think more so for my sake than for hers.
"Okay, here's the deal...you have a couple options of Adrienne." Dr. Roberts said, looking like a big smarty pants in his glasses and sporty watch. He held up three fingers as her and I nodded eagerly.
"One, we can give you radiation to shrink the tumor we found. Two, we can perform surgery, which is your best bet because that way we can get in there and see if anything else is effected. Or three we can do nothing and because it's benign we can just keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't become larger and more obtrusive." He said, ticking off each point as he spoke.
"Well, option three is shitty." I commented before I could help myself.
Dr. Roberts nodded. "I think surgery is your best bet, I can't stress that enough. I know it seems scary Adrienne, but we would rather perform the surgery, remove anything harmful to you than have it spread to other places in your body. But it's up to you. You would be in the hospital for three days and it would probably take about two weeks before you will be up and running at full speed again." He rambled on.
My sister who had been quiet through all of this, looking rather dazed at all the information held up her hand. "You'll have to excuse me, Dr. Roberts... I'm just... I'm just shocked. It's a lot to take in." She said, as I gripped her hand tighter and nodded in agreement.
"I understand. Look, how about I go grab you a water and you and your sister can talk this over, okay? If you have any questions I'll be glad to answer them when I get back." He said, gathering up his things and heading for the door.
Once he was gone Adrienne slid off the examining table and began pacing the room, which was maddening to watch because the room wasn't that large.
"What do you think, kid?" she asked, absent mindedly.
"I think you should have the surgery." I replied, still sitting on the uncomfortable chair and wishing like hell Billie Joe was here. He could always calm her down, no matter what.
I think she read my mind because she muttered, "I wish Billie were here." She said regretfully.
"We can call him, Adi. He can be here in ten minutes." I replied, reaching for my purse and pulling out my cell phone. "Say the words."
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." She murmured to herself, obviously fighting a mental battle.
She finally shook her head. "He doesn't deserve to find out this way."
I watched as she stopped pacing and turned to look at me with desperate eyes. "Am I a bad person?" She asked suddenly. "A good wife would have told her husband the truth." She mumbled.
"Okay, the extra large coffee was a bad idea." I joked, standing up and walking over to her. "You cannot call yourself a bad person. You made a bad CHOICE, yes, but you aren't a bad person. You have his best intentions at heart, Adrienne. It's just backfiring a tad." I said, and for the first time I realized that our situations really weren't that different. We both are keeping a secret to protect someone that we love and cherish, and we were both struggling for a way to make it right.
She stopped pacing as I pulled her into a hug. She felt jittery and tense against my body as she sniffled.
"I'm going to have the surgery." She announced, mumbling into the material of my shirt.
I nodded. "Okay, we'll set it up with the doctor." I replied.
We set the surgery date for August 27th. It was hard trying to compromise with the doctor's schedule and trying to figure out when the guys had a gap in their touring schedule. The doctor had nothing earlier than the 27th, which was fine by Adrienne because she wanted time to tell Billie Joe and the kids and to get everything arranged before going into surgery. The guys had a show on the 26th in Florida but not another one until the 30th, we figured he could fly home the day of the surgery and be with her when she came out. Billie Joe was going to hit the fucking ceiling... and no one really blamed him.
July 23rd, 2005
Today is the day of Sidney's party... ladee-freakin-da.
Adrienne and I had breakfast in the morning and she was in rather good spirits, declaring that she wanted to have a good time tonight and that she was going to tell Billie Joe in the next couple days about her surgery. She insisted that we make the most of the night, dancing and drinking because after the sobering news got around it was going to be hectic. She also insisted that we keep the date set for our parent's anniversary party, but promised me that if she didn't feel up to it as the date approached we would cancel.
We parted ways and set out to get ready for Sidney's party at The Holy Cow's VIP Red Room in San Francisco. She had upped her number of invites from 300 to 400 people and she hoped her location of choice was large enough. I had only talked to Mike a couple times since they had been back, but he was pulling out his hair at her fussing and hustling around to make sure everything was perfect.
Later as I was walking out of the grocery store I heard my cell phone ringing from my purse. I attempted to balance my bags and reach for it at the same time, somehow managing not to drop my purchases all over the ground.
"Hello?"
"Hey gorgeous, what are you doing?" Tre greeted me cheerfully.
I smiled instantly. "Just leaving the grocery store, what are you doing?"
"I'm wondering what's going on for tonight... and I'm sitting ass naked in the living room watching the naughty channel." He muttered mischievously.
I giggled. "Frankito and Claudia out for the afternoon?" I teased.
"No, they're just outside." He casually replied, as I laughed again.
"Umm, it sounds like everything is kicking off around 9." I said, answering his previous question.
"I know all of that. But how about we grab something to eat before hand? I would love to stroll in that club with a sexy woman like you decorating my arm." He joked as I switched ears and rolled my eyes.
"I am no man's arm decoration, thank you." I declared as he laughed.
"I can think of something else you can decorate." He bantered back, knowing damn well that if I were there I would slap him upside his head.
"I won't dignify that with an answer." I insisted, settling into my car after tucking my bags into the backseat.
"Fine then. But how about dinner? I know this really great Mexican restaurant I want to try." He rambled as I felt a sense of guilt wash over me.
I sighed. "I don't think it's a good idea to show up together." I muttered, waiting for his response.
He was silent for a moment and then, "I don't see why we can't go together."
I dreaded the thought of having another disagreement with him so soon after he got back. "If we want to meet in the parking lot ahead of time that's fine, but I just think it would be best if we showed up in different cars... you know, let's keep a low profile." I insisted as he grumbled something in response.
I sighed. "What did you say?"
"I don't think I need to point out AGAIN that I'm sick of fucking around behind everyone's back, do I?"
My shoulders sagged with guilt as I wordlessly shook my head. "No." I whispered.
He sighed into the phone and I could sense his regret at snapping. "I'm sorry Ava... you're right. Let's just... let's just meet there."
I sat silently for a moment, squinting into the bright sun as I still sat in the parking lot, wishing this situation would just go away and that Tre would just magically be happy with me, "Soon." I finally said in response, and I knew what he meant. I had to tell her soon.
"Okay, I'll see you tonight." He said quietly. "G'bye."
Sidney wasn't kidding when she said this was going to be an extravagant event, spare no expense. When I walked through the doors I was glad suddenly that I had bothered to spend a few extra minutes on my appearance by putting my hair in hot rollers and adding that extra coat of mascara. I noticed immediately that most of the people were her colleagues; they stuck out like a sore thumb looking very sleek in their 'casual clothing'. I smoothed out my black strapless summer dress and set out to look for a familiar face, but not before grabbing a drink at the bar.
I noticed Sidney almost immediately, wearing a very sparkly pink dress that swished about her as she circulated the large room, dragging Mike around with her as she went. I saw Adrienne and Billie Joe sitting in a corner booth, his arm tucked lovingly around my sister as she giggled and whispered something in his ear. I stood with a smile on my face, realizing once again just how perfect they were together; I only hoped to find someone who complimented me like Billie Joe complimented my sister.
I sauntered over to Sidney and Mike who were in the process of chatting with a very tall man, who looked to have a stick up his ass.
"Hey birthday girl." I said, touching Sidney's arm as the man politely excused himself and walked away.
"Ava, you look beautiful." Sidney cooed, pulling me into a hug. She looked like a Barbie that should have been standing on top of her own birthday cake... in a good way. In a Sidney way.
"Thank you, so do you." I said kissing her cheek as I turned to Mike.
"Hey Ava... I have to agree, you do look beautiful." Mike said surveying my hair and face before pulling me into a hug.
I giggled. "Jesus, you people act like I never change out of t-shirts and jeans." I teased sarcastically, knowing full well I never did.
They grinned. "I won't take up your mingling time, go be social." I said shooing them away. "I just wanted to say happy birthday."
Sidney grinned as way of thanking me as she started to move away again, with Mike in tow. "Save me a dance." He requested as I nodded and waved a little.
I felt eyes on me and as I instinctively turned to my left and saw Tre leaning against a table talking to Jason and Cassie. He grinned and winked as I smiled back. I watched as he said something else to the couple before negotiating his way through the crowd, slowing making his way towards me.
"Goddamn, you look breath taking." He complimented and then surprised me as he pulled me to him for a hug.
I giggled and patted his back as he held me close for a brief second.
"Want to dance with me?" he asked giddily as a slower sang rang from the DJ's booth.
I nodded and set my drink down on a vacant table.
I felt tingly as he led me over to the middle of the dance floor, and as I wrapped my arms around his neck I glanced casually towards where I had last seen my sister. They were still sitting together, but I was pretty sure she hadn't seen me yet.
I instantly committed to memory the feeling of his hands on the small of my back, the heat radiating through my dress to my skin, and the way his scent clung to his powder blue dress shirt as we danced amongst other couples to a familiar Bon Jovi song.
"You're the most beautiful woman here." Tre whispered huskily into my ear as we continued to sway in time to the music. "And believe me, I've looked at all of them." He added as I giggled and pressed my cheek a little harder against his shoulder, my forehead pressing against his neck.
When the song finished I regretfully broke away from his warm embrace.
"I should go tell Adrienne I'm here." I said as he looked down in disappointment at our sudden break in contact. "Wanna come?" I asked, hopefully.
He shrugged. "How about I catch up with you later?" He asked, his blue eyes a little distant as I nodded in agreement. "Not too later, okay?" I answered slyly.
I watched that small grin of his creep on to his face as he smirked. "No, not too much later."
I watched him make his way back through the crowd as I headed in the opposite direction towards Adrienne and Billie Joe.
"Hey kid!" Adrienne called as I came to a stop in front of their booth.
I smiled and slid in next to my sister who leaned forward and kissed my cheek, acting as though she hadn't seen me in days, even though we had breakfast that morning. "You look beautiful." She complimented, looking me up and down.
I rolled my eyes. I never thought hearing that phrase could get old, but it was starting to... and rather quickly; I mean come on, I didn't look like utter shit all of the time, right?
"As do you." I said, smiling over at Billie Joe who was nursing a beer.
"Hey." He simply nodded.
"Did you just get here?" Adrienne asked as I glanced around the room looking for Tre. I saw him leaning against the bar talking to some brunette woman, which surprisingly gave my stomach quite a start. Feeling unsettled I turned around and quickly devoted my attention to Adrienne.
"Awhile ago. I stopped and talked to Sidney and Mike for a bit... she is quite the social butterfly." I mumbled to the pair sitting next to me.
Billie Joe chuckled. "To say the fucking least. I've never seen so many stuffy people in one room."
I giggled at his look of apprehension. Adrienne seemed to be having a good time as she smiled and gossiped with me a little bit. We surveyed the crowd and pointed out a few people who were amused by, which seemed to pass the time. I was on my third Sex on the Beach when Tre made his way over and plopped down next to me in the booth, throwing his arm over the top behind me.
"What's going on?" he asked, the beer from his breath assaulting my nostrils.
"We're making fun of people." I explained as he grinned.
"Well, these people are like walking targets." He mumbled as he rested his free hand on the table.
"I don't think Mike has stopped shaking hands since we got here." Billie Joe commented in amusement, watching his best friend move from person to person in an exhausting manner.
"He's probably hoping his hand shaking will lead to her shaking something of his later on." Tre teased as I nudged him.
"He's being loyal." I said, defending Mike. "I would expect no less of him."
Adrienne agreed. "Yeah, Mike is a good boyfriend." She replied and then broke into a huge grin as she waved to someone in the crowd. "Speaking of boyfriends, Ava, where is Ian tonight?" She asked playfully as I felt Tre go rigid from beside me.
I tried to remain calm as I shot my sister an annoyed look. "Adrienne, how many times do I have to tell you that Ian and I aren't together?" I asked through clenched teeth.
She waved my answer away with her hand. "Well, I still want to meet him. He sounds absolutely fucking adorable." She gushed as I took another sip of my drink and I could almost feel Tre's anger radiating out of him as I sensed his need to leave.
"I'm going to go mingle." He announced, standing up, causing Adrienne to look at him in confusion.
"Alright." She said, shrugging. Billie Joe had remained silent through all of our interaction, but from one look on his face I knew that his suspicions from two months earlier had been confirmed. He knew.
I felt panic rise up inside of me as Tre shot me a less than subtle look of disappointment and betrayal as he walked away from the table.
My shoulders sagged from the weight of Billie Joe's look and from Tre's sudden departure, but Adrienne didn't seem to notice as she kept talking on about this or that, telling me an amusing story about how Jakob's pet turtle had gotten loose in the house. I tried to get lost in the story, but my heart wasn't in it.
I excused myself awhile later, hoping to run into Tre at the bar. As I ordered another drink I felt a familiar presence beside me and as I looked up I saw Mike staring at me through tired eyes.
"For crying out fuck, Ava, hide me." He joked miserably, trying to pull me in front of him as a shield as he ducked down covertly.
"Sweety I'm about six inches short than you... I probably won't do a very good job of keeping you hidden." I said, petting his hair as he stood upright again, smiling he turned to order a drink from the bartender.
"So how goes it, Ava girl? Are you having fun?"
I shook my head and searched the room for Tre again, which proved to be difficult because there were so many people milling around. "Tre is getting frustrated with me." I replied, glancing back at Mike who nodded.
"Excuse me for saying so, but it seems like you put the brakes on your relationship progress again. Something going on?" He asked, concern filling his voice as we both sat down on a stool. "You've been a little distant since we got home."
I leaned my head against my hand and turned towards his him. "Something is going on... but the way I feel for Tre remains the same. If that makes sense." I mumbled as he nodded.
"Does this something have to do with Adrienne?" Mike questioned.
I nodded. "I found out what's been going on... .and I just, I just need more time before I go blurting out that Tre and I are together." I explained as he grinned.
"I know I've been saying this since the beginning, but I'll say it again; in the end everything will be okay, it'll work out." He promised as I grinned up at him.
"You're such a fucking optimist." I teased as he kissed my cheek.
"Tell me about it. But someone has to keep you kids in line." He paused for a moment and then cringed, "Oh fuck, I have to go. I see Sidney scanning the crowd impatiently... she wants me to meet more of her colleagues. People with names like Blake Carrington and Bryce Malloy. Fucking rich snobs." He joked, as I waved him away.
"Have fun." I mumbled as he strolled back towards his birthday girl.
I was about to go find Tre when I felt two strangely familiar yet foreign hands cover my eyes.
"Guess who." The person demanded.
I felt my stomach hit the floor as I fought not to recognize the voice. Oh please God, it can't be...
"Ian?" I mumbled, pulling his hands away from my eyes and turning around on my stool.
I stared at him as he broke into that charming grin of his. "Hey, I wanted to surprise you." He explained as he grabbed my hands and pulled me to stand next to him, wrapping me in a hug. "I just got back from Oregon this morning."
I was so flustered and so appalled that he was here, especially while things were messy enough. Tre was going to throw a fucking mental, and who could blame him? This certainly didn't look good.
"What are you doing HERE?" I asked, taking a step back from him and quickly looking around.
He grinned again and reached out to touch the curls framing my face. "You look beautiful." He complimented, blushing a little.
I muttered a thank you just as Adrienne appeared at my side.
"You must be Ian!" Adrienne gushed, holding out her hand. "Hi, I'm Ava's sister Adrienne, we spoke on the phone."
Ian shook her hand and smiled. "Nice to meet you. I'm so glad you called."
I was so confused and I swear my head was going to spin around on my neck with how fucked up everything was.
"Hold on!" I demanded, both of them turning to look at me as though they just remembered I was here. "You called Ian?" I clarified as my sister nodded and grinned.
"I called and asked him to come out tonight... I wanted to meet him and you mentioned he was gone for a couple weeks, so I called to see when he was coming back... I thought it would great if he could come out and meet everyone." She explained.
"And it just so happened I was flying back this morning." Ian added, smiling at me.
"I'm going to grab my husband, stay right here!" Adrienne said, scurrying away as Ian turned back to me and smiled. "She seems great."
I felt so panicked and I knew if I didn't get air soon I was going to pass out, I felt like I was being suffocated. And I had to find Tre before he found us.
"Ian, I need to step out for a minute... " I said taking a step backwards, and as I did I felt my back press against a warm chest. Fuck me...
"Well HI, you must be Ian." I heard Tre say from behind me, just a touch louder than necessary. Ian's grin never faltered as he stepped forward and held out his hand. "I am. And you are?"
Tre gently maneuvered himself around me and placed his hand in Ian's. "I'm Tre, we spoke on the phone awhile back." Tre replied as Ian's smile faded just a little.
I stood staring back and forth between them in horror as Tre practically crushed Ian's hand in his own.
"So you came out to celebrate with us, huh?" Tre asked, finally releasing his hand and leaning back against the bar.
Ian nodded. "Yeah, I've been out of town for a couple weeks visiting family in Oregon. I flew back in this morning."
Tre nodded enthusiastically. "I see, well, I'm glad you could join us. Ava has told us so MUCH about you." He replied, making me feel rather uncomfortable at the way he was staring at Ian, a look that sort of resembled a lion ready to attack his prey.
Ian smiled, obviously also feeling rather uncomfortable under Tre's fixed gaze and turned to look at me as I continued to glare up at Tre.
"Tre, don't you have some underage girl to feel up?" I joked sarcastically through clenched teeth.
Tre finally tore his glare away from Ian and fixed it on me. "What's the problem, kid? I'm just trying to be friendly here... you know how much we've all been DYING to meet Ian... umm, Ian... what's your last name, by the way?" Tre asked curioiusly.
Ian cleared his throat. "Jones."
Tre's eyes widened. "Jones? Oh, like the Counting Crow's song... you know, pass me a bottle, Mr. Jones. Sha la la la la la, yeah." He mocked, grinning like a smartass.
"Tre... " I started in a warning tone but I was cut off by Adrienne appearing at my side, dragging a very confused Billie Joe with her.
She reached over and pulled Ian against her side in a warm gesture as she spoke. "Billie Joe this is Ava's boyfriend Ian... Ian, this is my husband Billie Joe." Adrienne enthusiastically introduced the two as Ian blushed and Billie Joe looked at me in confusion.
"I though Ava said he wasn't... " Billie Joe started but was cut off by Adrienne poking him in the side. "She DID say he was out of town." Adrienne finished the sentence with a polite smile.
Billie Joe shook his head. "No, what I was going to say was she said he wasn't her boy... " He started yet again, but this time it was Tre who cut him off.
"No, I'm pretty sure she said Ian is her main squeeze." Tre said, fixing another glare in my direction as I stood helplessly among everyone, feeling as though I was drowning in a pool of anxiety.
Four pairs of eyes stared at me, waiting for a response to his statement as I glared menacingly at Tre. And then I lost it. "What the fuck are you trying to do, huh?" I asked, snapping at Tre... feeling my eyes burn with months of guilt and betrayal, and just from the general angst that never seemed to go away.
His eyebrow rose in surprise and I could sense Ian's discomfort and Adrienne's confused stare boring into the side of my head.
"What do you want me to say?" I demanded, stepping closer to him as he stubbornly pushed away from the bar and stood toe to toe with me, his blue eyes fixed on my brown ones.
"Umm, I have a question." I heard Billie Joe mumble from behind me.
Tre and I turned to look at him as he lowered his raised hand. "Does anyone want a drink because I think a fucking shot of something or another could really ease the tension in here." He joked lightly as Adrienne pushed him and gave him a disappointed look.
"What's going on?" She asked, glancing back and forth between Tre and I and then once at a very confused looking Ian.
"Ava?" She questioned more pointedly after a moment of no response from the three of us.
I stood awkwardly still for a moment trying to conjure some sort of explanation for everything, but months and months of piled up shit made it difficult for me to speak. Tre sighed at my silence as I stared down at my shoes, not even knowing where to begin. I looked up at him when he sighed and he looked hurt, which made my heart twist inside my chest.
"You know what? Fuck it, I'm done." He muttered at me as he stepped past me and headed for the door.
I felt panic rise in me at his words. "No, Tre... " I said helplessly, not bothering to explain to the other three where I was going as I started after him.
I could feel three pairs of eyes stare into my back as I pushed through the crowd, trying to stay close behind him as he stalked towards the door but he was a little sturdier than I was, making it easier for him to push his way through.
I sighed in relief when I felt fresh air push its way into my lungs and cool my flushed skin. I hurried along the sidewalk after him as he continued to march towards his car in anger.
"Tre, STOP." I demanded as my high heels made a haunting sound against the concrete. "TRE."
As I caught up to him I grabbed on to his forearm but he tore it away from my grasp and continued to hurry along, never stopping or even turning to look at me.
"Don't be like this... please." I begged, as tears began streaming down my face, going almost unnoticed as I reached for him once again, grabbing on to the pooled material in the back of his shirt.
When he reached his car he turned around so suddenly and so unexpectedly that I crashed into his chest. He grabbed my arms to steady me as his icy eyes bore into my teary ones.
"I'm so sick of fucking lying, Ava." He stated calmly, as I nodded and wiped at my eyes.
"I didn't know what to say... I wasn't prepared to answer about us." I explained as he shook his head in disappointment.
"The truth... you could have told the fucking truth." He muttered sadly, still grasping my arms.
"And what exactly IS the fucking truth?" I heard Adrienne's voice question from behind us. I whipped my head around to see Adrienne and Billie Joe standing just a few feet to our right.
She looked very confused and VERY angry. "Adrienne, I... " I started to reply as Tre released my arms and stepped forward. "I love your sister... I love Ava." Tre strongly replied, earning a rise of an eyebrow from Billie Joe and an appalled look from my sister.
"You WHAT?" Adrienne gasped in surprise. "Ava?" She turned to me with questioning eyes, her hand pressed to her chest.
I felt my resistance crumble, it was now or never. "We've been seeing each other since last October." I blurted out, surprising myself. That probably wasn't the best place to start but I was so tired of lying. "Since Halloween." I added for the fuck of it, no use in holding back now.
Adrienne's mouth dropped open as she took a step backwards into Billie Joe who was looking quite surprised himself, but I could also sense a touch of smugness; he had known all long.
"HALLOWEEN?" She echoed in disbelief. "I don't understand... " She mumbled, turning to look at Billie Joe who shrugged helplessly.
"I think it's great." He offered with another shrug, which earned a small smile from Tre who remained stoic in his stance, hands jammed into his pockets.
"Oh yeah, it's just fucking WONDERFUL, very magical." Adrienne fumed sarcastically. "My only sister ending up with the likes of him." Adrienne mumbled, jerking a thumb towards Tre.
"Hey." I said defensively taking a step towards Tre, which earned another raise of Billie Joe's eyebrow. "Don't talk about him like that." I warned as her mouth hung open even further.
"I can't believe this... it's like the fucking twilight zone." She murmured, grabbing at her head. I sensed her meltdown was upon us and I only hoped we would all make it out alive.
"YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO ME SINCE OCTOBER?" She shrieked, causing Billie Joe to flinch because her mouth was only inches away from his eardrum.
I cringed too... but out of guilt. "I'm sorry." I said desperately, walking closer to her and taking her hand. "I never thought it would get this far, but it has and well... we love each other. I've been meaning to tell you for awhile now... " And then I stopped talking suddenly, earning a look of frustration from my sister.
But I was tired of making excuses and tired of lying. "Actually, you know what Adrienne, we didn't want to tell you because in the beginning it was just about sex." I stated matter-o-factly as her eyes widened in disbelief. I saw Billie Joe's eyes shift to Tre and then shift down to the ground, obviously in shock of my admittance. "It started off as purely sexual in the beginning and then slowly as the months rolled on we realized that we have come to care for one another." I said slowly, turning around to look at Tre who was still standing still and he offered me a quiet smile.
Adrienne had grabbed a hold of the hem on Billie Joe's jacket and it looked like her head was going to pop off so I hurriedly added, "But the last thing I ever wanted to do was lie to or to make you lose trust in me. We didn't plan it, we didn't expect it to happen... it just sort of fell into our hands." And when she still looked lost, "Oh, Adrienne... I'm sorry." I mumbled, tearing up at the last part as she stood completely still, staring at me in shock and disbelief.
We stared at each other for a moment, her eyes pleading for understanding and mine for forgiveness. And then she looked away, simply releasing her hold on Billie Joe's coat and turning on her heel to walk away from me.
"Adrienne... " I called out desperately to her retreating back, but she didn't reply and she never looked back. And as I stood there on the empty sidewalk watching her wordlessly walk away from me my heart broke. I had been right, she wasn't going to forgive me for this. I wrapped my arms around myself as Billie Joe shot me a look of sympathy, but he too wordlessly turned and walked away from me, hurrying after his wife. I felt myself start to shake as the tears poured down my cheeks and emptiness filled my chest.
I had almost forgotten Tre was there until I felt him gently touch my back, causing me to jump at the sudden contact.
"Ava... " He started to say in a soft voice but I shook off his hand and turned to walk back towards my car. "It's what you wanted, right? Her to know the fucking truth!" I yelled at him, never turning around to look at him as I walked miserably back to my car. I knew this wasn't entirely his fault, but it felt easier to blame someone than to actually deal with the realizations that Adrienne may never forgive me for betraying her.
I hated myself and I hated him in that moment too; my best kept secret and favorite mistake had finally backfired. And now I was left to pick up the pieces.
