You're My Little Secret, chapter 17
Precisely a week after what I refer to as my break up with my sister, and seemingly Tre, I was still lying in my bed at 2:30 on Saturday afternoon, in my pajamas, seeing no reason at all why I should get out of bed. I had dug out the third season of 'Will and Grace' and was content to mope about eating ice cream and watching Jack make an ass out of himself and Karen drink herself into an oblivion.
It had been a long week.
I had tried a few different times on Monday to call Adrienne, giving her Sunday to cool off, but she refused to come to the phone. Eventually I had given up; I knew my sister simply needed some time to digest and work through this on her own. I was also aware, from a phone call from Billie Joe, that Adrienne had told him about her surgery. This call had come on Wednesday as I was sitting at work, completely withdrawn from everyone and feeling rather sorry for myself. He had expressed his sympathy for my situation and also let me talk to Joey and Jakob for a few minutes each, knowing how much I missed not being able to see my nephews almost every day. He had taken the news of her surgery better than I thought, but given all that was going on around him I'm sure he was mulling over everything in his own way. And I'm sure we would see many songs come out of this.
I was still lying in bed at 4, trying my hardest not to let Tre float through my mind but damn it all, he always found a way in.
I was just beginning another round of my self-induced pity party when I heard someone knock rather loudly on my door. I ignored it, hoping it was just the UPS man or someone with the wrong apartment, it happened sometimes. But when I heard the knocker call out my name and begin pounding on the door with what sounded like both fists and I knew he was going to be relentless in his efforts. I grumbled all the way to the door, not bothering to grab a robe to cover up my ratty boxer shorts and tank top. I threw the door open as Mike grinned back at me from the other side.
"Well, good afternoon shut-in." Mike teased, stepping inside without waiting to be invited in.
I started back towards my bedroom as he shed his coat, giving him a backwards wave as way of greeting. I shuffled back into my bedroom and crawled under my warm covers as he hovered in the doorway, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.
"Is this what you've been doing all week?" He muttered, glancing around at the various levels of disarray my room was in.
I shook my head. "I went to work too."
He nodded in amusement and sympathy before walking over to the opposite side of my bed and gesturing. "May I?"
I nodded furiously, "Come on in, Mikey." I replied, lifting the comforter up so he could climb in.
I watched with amusement as he took his time getting settled and then finally, he sighed in contentment. "Fuck me this bed is comfortable." He uttered through closed eyes.
I smiled over at him. "I get that a lot."
Not waiting for an invitation I shimmied closer to him and laid my head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around my back. I immediately felt a sense of comfort wash over me as I grabbed for my DVD remote and hit play. To anyone else we might look like a couple enjoying a night in, but to Mike and I this was just a comforting moment amongst two close friends; nothing more, nothing less. We watched a few episodes of 'Will and Grace' in silence, except for the occasional giggle and Mike's sarcastic comments. After the second episode I sensed he thought we had spent enough time in silence to properly assess what he had come to talk about. I closed my eyes and continued to absorb the comfort he was giving me from this much needed human contact as I kept my face pressed against his t-shirt.
"Have you talked to her?" I finally heard him ask, his hesitance obvious and his voice soft.
I shook my head. "She won't take my calls."
I felt him nod as he rubbed my back. "Billie Joe says she's really confused right now... with her surgery and with him, well, us leaving to go back on tour in a few weeks. She just needs some time." I knew all of this; it just didn't make it any easier.
I felt the familiar tears that always hung in the background rush to my eyes as I sniffled and wrapped my arms around his waist tighter. "I miss her." I admitted to the soft cotton of his shirt. And, "I hate this."
He sighed. "I know, kid. She misses you too." He assured me as we laid in silence for a few minutes, both trying to process our thoughts and think of something helpful to say next.
"Talked to Tre?" Mike asked, again hesitant in his pursuit of conversation.
I didn't answer him as I tried desperately not to think of the previous week and how I blew him off when he had come by my work, and then before that when he had called on Sunday afternoon.
"I'm ignoring him." I admitted. "He came to see me at work earlier in the week, but I saw him coming through the window so I quickly ducked into the copy room like a fucking chicken and had Doris, my co-worker, cover for me."
I felt Mike chuckle, which he covertly turned into clearing his throat. "He mentioned trying to get a hold of you. You haven't called him back?"
I shook my head. "I don't really have anything to say." I replied lamely.
"Ava, this is what you wanted, right? To let Adrienne know what's going on... granted she isn't speaking to you right now, but what did you expect?"
I disentangled myself from him and sat up Indian style on the bed as he looked up at me expectantly.
"I expected for her to be angry, yes, but she just... she just turned and walked away from me. I think I would rather have her yell and call me names than just remain silent and keep it all in... the disappointment in me and the silent treatment is what hurts the most." I muttered wiping at my eyes. "It's what's keeping me awake at night."
He looked at me sympathetically. "She'll get over it. But in the mean time, you need to talk Tre. He feels like SHIT." Mike said impatiently.
I rolled my head around trying to relieve the tension in my neck as I openly pouted. "I know, I know. I just don't know what I'll say."
"Think of something, kid. He doesn't deserve to be kept in the dark."
I sighed. "You're right Mikey."
"And what about Ian? Have you talked to him?"
I fell over backwards on to my pillows in shame. "Noooo." I replied miserably. "Mike, don't come visit me anymore... you remind me of all the shit I have to clean up."
He chuckled. "Someone needs to give you a swift kick in the ass." He teased, nudging my knee.
"You realize we are straight out of a 'Real World' episode." I bantered back as I heard his sharp intake of breath at my observation. "Laying in bed together, discussing our pressing issues while displaying a pitiful and emotional state."
Mike laughed at this. "Fucking hate that show. It's all staged." He replied as I giggled and let my mind wander back to his previous question.
Oh God, what was I going to say to Ian? If only I could take everything back and start over, no lies. I needed to find a way to make this all up to him.
I sat up suddenly, a great idea popping into my head, making a smile dance it's way across my face. "Can I borrow your phone?"
Mike looked at me curiously as he dug into his front pocket for his cell, handing it to me. He watched as I scrolled through his phone book and then stopped when I came to the number I needed.
I waited as the call went through, it rang twice and then, "Hello?"
"Billie Joe? It's Ava... yeah... I need a favor."
It had been a long week.
I had tried a few different times on Monday to call Adrienne, giving her Sunday to cool off, but she refused to come to the phone. Eventually I had given up; I knew my sister simply needed some time to digest and work through this on her own. I was also aware, from a phone call from Billie Joe, that Adrienne had told him about her surgery. This call had come on Wednesday as I was sitting at work, completely withdrawn from everyone and feeling rather sorry for myself. He had expressed his sympathy for my situation and also let me talk to Joey and Jakob for a few minutes each, knowing how much I missed not being able to see my nephews almost every day. He had taken the news of her surgery better than I thought, but given all that was going on around him I'm sure he was mulling over everything in his own way. And I'm sure we would see many songs come out of this.
I was still lying in bed at 4, trying my hardest not to let Tre float through my mind but damn it all, he always found a way in.
I was just beginning another round of my self-induced pity party when I heard someone knock rather loudly on my door. I ignored it, hoping it was just the UPS man or someone with the wrong apartment, it happened sometimes. But when I heard the knocker call out my name and begin pounding on the door with what sounded like both fists and I knew he was going to be relentless in his efforts. I grumbled all the way to the door, not bothering to grab a robe to cover up my ratty boxer shorts and tank top. I threw the door open as Mike grinned back at me from the other side.
"Well, good afternoon shut-in." Mike teased, stepping inside without waiting to be invited in.
I started back towards my bedroom as he shed his coat, giving him a backwards wave as way of greeting. I shuffled back into my bedroom and crawled under my warm covers as he hovered in the doorway, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.
"Is this what you've been doing all week?" He muttered, glancing around at the various levels of disarray my room was in.
I shook my head. "I went to work too."
He nodded in amusement and sympathy before walking over to the opposite side of my bed and gesturing. "May I?"
I nodded furiously, "Come on in, Mikey." I replied, lifting the comforter up so he could climb in.
I watched with amusement as he took his time getting settled and then finally, he sighed in contentment. "Fuck me this bed is comfortable." He uttered through closed eyes.
I smiled over at him. "I get that a lot."
Not waiting for an invitation I shimmied closer to him and laid my head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around my back. I immediately felt a sense of comfort wash over me as I grabbed for my DVD remote and hit play. To anyone else we might look like a couple enjoying a night in, but to Mike and I this was just a comforting moment amongst two close friends; nothing more, nothing less. We watched a few episodes of 'Will and Grace' in silence, except for the occasional giggle and Mike's sarcastic comments. After the second episode I sensed he thought we had spent enough time in silence to properly assess what he had come to talk about. I closed my eyes and continued to absorb the comfort he was giving me from this much needed human contact as I kept my face pressed against his t-shirt.
"Have you talked to her?" I finally heard him ask, his hesitance obvious and his voice soft.
I shook my head. "She won't take my calls."
I felt him nod as he rubbed my back. "Billie Joe says she's really confused right now... with her surgery and with him, well, us leaving to go back on tour in a few weeks. She just needs some time." I knew all of this; it just didn't make it any easier.
I felt the familiar tears that always hung in the background rush to my eyes as I sniffled and wrapped my arms around his waist tighter. "I miss her." I admitted to the soft cotton of his shirt. And, "I hate this."
He sighed. "I know, kid. She misses you too." He assured me as we laid in silence for a few minutes, both trying to process our thoughts and think of something helpful to say next.
"Talked to Tre?" Mike asked, again hesitant in his pursuit of conversation.
I didn't answer him as I tried desperately not to think of the previous week and how I blew him off when he had come by my work, and then before that when he had called on Sunday afternoon.
"I'm ignoring him." I admitted. "He came to see me at work earlier in the week, but I saw him coming through the window so I quickly ducked into the copy room like a fucking chicken and had Doris, my co-worker, cover for me."
I felt Mike chuckle, which he covertly turned into clearing his throat. "He mentioned trying to get a hold of you. You haven't called him back?"
I shook my head. "I don't really have anything to say." I replied lamely.
"Ava, this is what you wanted, right? To let Adrienne know what's going on... granted she isn't speaking to you right now, but what did you expect?"
I disentangled myself from him and sat up Indian style on the bed as he looked up at me expectantly.
"I expected for her to be angry, yes, but she just... she just turned and walked away from me. I think I would rather have her yell and call me names than just remain silent and keep it all in... the disappointment in me and the silent treatment is what hurts the most." I muttered wiping at my eyes. "It's what's keeping me awake at night."
He looked at me sympathetically. "She'll get over it. But in the mean time, you need to talk Tre. He feels like SHIT." Mike said impatiently.
I rolled my head around trying to relieve the tension in my neck as I openly pouted. "I know, I know. I just don't know what I'll say."
"Think of something, kid. He doesn't deserve to be kept in the dark."
I sighed. "You're right Mikey."
"And what about Ian? Have you talked to him?"
I fell over backwards on to my pillows in shame. "Noooo." I replied miserably. "Mike, don't come visit me anymore... you remind me of all the shit I have to clean up."
He chuckled. "Someone needs to give you a swift kick in the ass." He teased, nudging my knee.
"You realize we are straight out of a 'Real World' episode." I bantered back as I heard his sharp intake of breath at my observation. "Laying in bed together, discussing our pressing issues while displaying a pitiful and emotional state."
Mike laughed at this. "Fucking hate that show. It's all staged." He replied as I giggled and let my mind wander back to his previous question.
Oh God, what was I going to say to Ian? If only I could take everything back and start over, no lies. I needed to find a way to make this all up to him.
I sat up suddenly, a great idea popping into my head, making a smile dance it's way across my face. "Can I borrow your phone?"
Mike looked at me curiously as he dug into his front pocket for his cell, handing it to me. He watched as I scrolled through his phone book and then stopped when I came to the number I needed.
I waited as the call went through, it rang twice and then, "Hello?"
"Billie Joe? It's Ava... yeah... I need a favor."
