You're My Little Secret, chapter 20
August 27th, 2005
The day of Adrienne's surgery.
I still hadn't spoken to my sister and Tre and I had yet to speak after the hellacious incident in his driveway. Needless to say, it had been a very shitty couple of weeks with a few tolerable moments that turned up here and there. My trip to Las Vegas proved to be interesting and it took my mind off Tre for awhile... until I spotted their tour poster on one of the walls of the casinos, which sent me straight into the arms of one of my favorite men: Jose Cuervo. Which in turn sent me straight to the bathroom to throw up. It was lovely.
I had talked to Mike a number of times since they left for the tour and we both seemed content to sit and complain about our broken hearts, but then a week ago Mike started singing a different tune. I hadn't asked him yet but I was pretty sure he had found someone to make his lonely nights a little more tolerable.
Lucky bastard. Except I didn't want just anyone, I wanted Tre.
I sat in the visitor's parking lot of the hospital the morning of her surgery and prayed for some sort of strength to get out of my car and deal with the possibility that my sister may not even want to see me when she gets out of recovery, and that Billie Joe may be the only supplier of information I had to rely on today.
I grabbed an extra large coffee from the cafeteria and dragged myself to the second floor, where according to Billie Joe, this is where she would be when she came out of surgery. It was 10:10, she was set to go in for surgery at 10. I hoped by showing up a few minutes late it would alleviate some of the stress she was going through, especially if she didn't want to see me.
I saw Billie Joe first, hunched over in one of those plastic and ridiculously uncomfortable chairs in the waiting lounge. He had his head resting in his hands, a cup of coffee between his feet and he sat completely still. I noticed Mike down the hall a ways, checking out the various vending machines and looking as though he was just trying to stretch his legs and clear his head.
I saw no sign of Tre. Insert disappointment yet relief here.
I carefully slipped into the chair next to Billie Joe, and he immediately looked up as he felt someone next to him. He looked anxious and tired, something that wasn't uncommon from being away on tour, but all of this stress had started to take a toll on him. I could tell.
"Ava... " He said simply, that one word spoke volumes; he was glad that I was here. I nodded a little as I felt tears come to my eyes, and then I felt embarrassment follow shortly afterwards; Jesus, I was crying already. I felt his arm slide around my shoulders as I wiped at my eyes.
"I had to come. Just to be here for support." I muttered as he nodded and pulled me close to him. I laid my head on his shoulder as we awkwardly hugged sitting side by side in the ugly, orange plastic chairs.
I don't know how long we sat like that but I wasn't about to let him go and I think he felt the same way. It had been years since Billie Joe and I had hugged properly, I think the last time was when Adrienne and I received news that our aunt had died of cancer quite a few years back. He had come to the funeral home looking unsure of what to do and out of panic he threw his arms around me and awkwardly slapped my back a few times in a truly appalling manner. We still tease him about that particularly eloquent show of affection.
Today was different though; it felt good to hug someone who understood just how much we had to lose if something went wrong here today, to hug someone who loved her just as much as I did. It felt good just to hug.
Eventually we did break apart, and he awkwardly took a sip of his coffee as I tucked my knees into my chest. I felt like a little kid again for the first time in years because I couldn't quite get a grasp on everything that was going on around me, I felt lost.
"She should be in there for two hours, tops." Billie Joe mumbled from next to me.
I nodded. "Mom told me about most of the surgery details. Adrienne insisted that she didn't come out, huh?" I asked, as it was his turn to nod.
"She didn't want her to have to go through all that trouble of flying out especially when she didn't expect her recovery time to be very long. My mom offered to come and drive the kids to school and stuff until Adi feels better." He replied as I continued to stare at my hands. I had never felt so distant from my sister, we never usually went two days without talking to one another and all of a sudden I had been cast as an outsider, left to hear details that should have come straight from my sister's mouth from others.
"Jakob and Joe with Ollie?" I asked a few minutes later.
"Yeah, Ma figured she could bring them in tomorrow to visit when Adrienne's feeling a little better. She doesn't want them to freak out." He explained.
"Make sense." I simply replied and then we were left in silence again.
I had so much I wanted to say and so many questions, but I didn't think it was fair to push everything on Billie Joe, he was going through a lot too. I never noticed Mike enter the room until he parked his lanky ass on the chair next to me. I looked up as he smiled and practically pulled me into his lap for a giant hug.
"I'm glad you're here." He mumbled into my hair as I gave him a long squeeze and then settled back into my seat again.
"I couldn't have sat home. At least this way I will be here when the information comes through, even if she doesn't want to talk to me... " I trailed off as I saw Tre making his way towards us, a sober look on his face. I honestly thought I was going to pass out as he hovered over us, planting a kiss on Billie Joe's pale cheek.
"Sorry I'm late. Traffic." Tre mumbled quietly, his voice and body language subdued as he sat down in an ugly green chair across from the three of us.
I'm not sure awkward could even BEGIN to paint a picture of the four of us. Billie Joe was the least effected by it because he was completely withdrawn into his own world. The news really hit him hard and I felt bad that he would only be home for two days to be by Adrienne's side. Mike, who always seemed fascinated by the dynamics between Tre and me, was eyeing us closely as we both did our best to avoid looking at one another. I hadn't spoken to him since the night in his driveway almost three weeks ago, but I thought about it every day. I actually thought about him about every other second... I knew it was going to be a long morning.
I only glanced up at him once when he asked Billie Joe something, I couldn't help it, my senses seemed naturally accustomed to him and when he spoke it was an instant reaction to look up. But he wouldn't look at me, and I could tell from the concentration on his face and his posture that he was making quite an effort to keep his sights locked on Billie Joe.
Feeling rather transparent I fixed my eyes on a spot on the floor and focused on that until they went dry from my lack of blinking. No one said anything for what seemed like hours and I found myself ready to laugh, cry, or scream from the tension that could have been cut with a knife.
"I'm going to get coffee, anyone want?" Mike finally asked, standing up and looking between the rest of us. I almost kissed him out of relief as I stood up so abruptly I startled Billie Joe. "I'll go with you... I have to pee." I tried to sound nonchalant but I practically latched on to Mike's arm and dragged him from the waiting area. We strolled to the end of the hallway where I leaned against the soda machine and sighed in relief, I felt like I could finally breathe.
Mike retracted his arm and frowned. "I think you pulled my arm out of it's fucking socket, Ava. Be careful with me, these goods are only useful when they're not damaged."
I was so amused by his statement I actually forgot that I had just run into Tre for the first time in three weeks and four days. But who's counting?
"Did that actually just come out of your mouth?" I teased as he grinned and shrugged off my sarcasm. "Want some M&M's?" He asked, digging some change out of his pockets. I nodded, not really paying attention. The panic had set in.
"MIKE." I hissed as he set to work putting the code into the machine. "What am I going to DO?"
"Get a grip... preferably on something other than my arm." He muttered, still rubbing his arm a little. "We're here for Adrienne, he's not going to start shit with you in the middle of the waiting room. Billie Joe would bitch slap him back to the Mendocino Mountains."
I giggled a little. "You're punchy today." I teased as he sighed.
"Billie hasn't really gotten any sleep the past couple of days, which means I haven't gotten any sleep."
I patted his arm sympathetically. "I think this has been rough on everyone."
He nodded, tearing off the top of the M&M packet and motioning for me to hold out my hand. I did so willingly and shoved a few in my mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
"I feel like this isn't happening." I finally muttered to Mike who had now moved to peruse his soda choices. "I feel so far removed from her at this point that I feel like I'm watching some bad Lifetime movie on TV. And this thing with Tre... it's driving me crazy."
Mike selected a Diet Coke and retrieved it from the machine, glaring up at me as he straightened. "Driving you crazy? I've been confined to a BUS with him for the past three weeks. Both he and Billie Joe have been driving me up a fucking wall, I've been tempted on several occasions to strap myself down to the fucking hood and ride to the next show that way."
I held a hand over my mouth as the thought of Mike as a hood ornament popped into my mind. "I don't think that's the only reason you're punchy, Mikey-boy." I teased as his cheeks reddened.
My mouth dropped open a little. "So it's TRUE, you ARE seeing someone new. Cripes, you didn't even let the sheets cool down, did ya?" I teased as his face reddened even more and he shushed me.
"We're in a hospital for fuck's sake." He mumbled, but he grinned a little and leaned forward and looked around before dropping his tone to that of a whisper. "Her name is Kate. And that's ALL you're getting."
I giggled a little. "Good for you. Unless you're just using her as a rebound whore and in that case, shame on you, you typical male."
He grinned. "I like her." And that's all he had to say, I could tell it was true.
"Congratulations." I smiled and he nodded.
"Come on, let's head back. Billie Joe needs us."
I looked unsure as he grabbed my elbow and lead me back ignoring my protests. "Okay, but let's make a signal or something if I need you to bail me out. Like, when I nudge you or wink four times stand up and pretend like you have to pee and I'll go with you."
He chuckled. "Just breathe in and out, that's all you have to do."
"Something I seem to have trouble doing around him." I muttered under my breath.
And then we were entering the lounge as Tre and Billie Joe looked up. Tre had moved over to my seat so Mike and I sat across from the two of them. I grabbed a magazine off one of the coffee tables and tried to get lost in some tabloid garbage but just being in the same room as him seemed to mindfuck me... and not in a good way. I couldn't still; I crossed my left leg and then I uncrossed it, and then I crossed my right leg, and then I moved so I could tuck my legs underneath me, and then I tucked my knees up into my chest. After awhile Mike nudged me and gave me an evil look, probably the same look Estelle gets when she's antsy. I sighed and tried to sit still but I couldn't help it. There was also the factor that Tre was watching the television that was hanging on the wall above our heads so from the corner of my eye I could never tell whether he was actually looking at the TV or looking at me.
I persuaded myself to glance over at him once and immediately regretted it when his eyes fell just a little after sensing I was looking at him. For a blissful moment we held eye contact, but then he broke it when he looked back up at the television.
I was disappointed but I guess it was for the best, we didn't need to make a scene right out in front of God and everyone. There was also another awkward moment when Billie Joe grabbed at his hair in frustration before standing up and asking Mike if he would go for a walk with him. Mike, being the good friend that he is, obliged and quickly stood up. But as he walked by me and saw my pleading eyes staring up at him he froze and looked torn between his vow to me and supporting his oldest friend. I suddenly felt incredibly selfish, Billie Joe obviously needed some comfort... and a smoke.
"Umm, will you just bring me back a Mountain Dew or something?" I asked when Tre and Billie Joe stared at the odd non-verbal communication going on between Mike and me.
He smiled a little. "Yeah, no problem. We'll be right back."
I almost screamed out in desperation as I saw the back of their black jackets disappear down the hallway.
I carefully tore my eyes away from the doorway and tried to casually throw a glance in Tre's direction, but I almost fell right out of my chair when I saw him staring curiously at me, his eyes looking painfully blue as the sunlight streamed through the window and into the room. I felt like we were locked into some childish staring contest, neither of us backing down for what seemed like hours. He finally crossed his arms over his chest and then looked down at his feet. I resisted the urge to shout I WON as he continued to stare at his shoes. The tension and the uncertainty between us made me want to pull my hair out. For crying out loud, this is Tre. I've known him for fifteen years, were we really going to continue this charade?
I had just opened my mouth to ask him how the tour was going, or something, just as long as we both acknowledged one another when Mike and Billie Joe came walking back into the room. Tre looked up at me curiously as I clamped my mouth shut and tore my eyes away from him.
"Any news yet?" Billie asked hopefully as I regretfully shook my head.
He sat down in the chair across from me looking beyond stressed out as his eyes shone with frustration and concern.
"She's been in there for almost three hours." He simply said as I nodded and looked over at Mike who had plopped down next to me again, stretching his long legs out.
"I'm sure everything is okay, Bill, maybe they just got a late start... or maybe she took longer to come out of it, some people react differently to the anesthetics." Mike replied quietly. I felt bad for him, there really were no special words that could soothe over our worries and concerns, nothing short of seeing Adrienne with our own eyes would do at this point.
"But what if there were complications?" Billie Joe retorted, gripping at his hair again, his eyes pleading for answers.
"I'm sure they would notify us." I responded, reaching across the short distance between us to squeeze his hand. "It'll be okay... I promise." It was quite a bold statement but for some reason I was certain, I felt something deep inside of me telling me that even though she and I weren't speaking, she was alright.
He looked leery for a moment before he squeezed my hand back. "Thanks Ava."
After what seemed like days a doctor finally approached us. "Are you the family of Adrienne Armstrong?" He asked as Billie Joe and I eagerly sprang from our chairs to hear what he had to say. "I'm Dr. Sinclair, I performed Adrienne's surgery this morning."
"I'm Billie Joe, I'm her husband." Billie Joe replied as the doctor nodded.
"I'm her sister, Ava." I added.
The doctor smiled and I felt some of the tension in my shoulders melt away, that had to be a good sign. "Okay, well, you'll be glad to hear the surgery went smoothly."
Billie Joe sighed and ran his hands over his face and into his hair. "That's great news." He muttered as I nodded in agreement.
The doctor nodded, but then his appearance went from seemingly positive to somewhat serious, making my heart rate quicken. "As you know pre-surgery we found a growth on the outside of her right ovary, but we also found an additional tumor inside of that same ovary when we went in to remove the cyst."
I froze as I tried to work through his words. I felt Billie Joe's hand clasp mine as I cleared my throat. "Meaning? You took her entire ovary out instead of just removing what was on the outside?"
"Correct." The doctor answered.
Billie Joe continued to grip my hand and I thought he was going to break all of my fingers as he waved his other hand in the air. "What does this mean?" He questioned as the doctor smile politely.
"A longer recovery time essentially. And a longer stay here in the hospital. Probably about 4-5 days at the most would be necessary. We want to monitor her and make sure that she is healing nicely. And then once she's home she should take it easy for about 3 to 4 weeks so that her body will have time to heal and build it's energy back up. She will also be on a few different medications, they will help her heal and also help with the pain, but don't be surprised to find that this surgery has taken quite a toll on her body. Rest and little to no activity for the first two weeks cannot be stressed enough." He paused to let his words sink in. "Do you have any questions?"
Billie and I stood in a stupor for a moment, not expecting to hear that her surgery had turned into something of this magnitude. The doctor had explained that it would be a simple in and out sort surgery, that most of her time would be spent at home relaxing, but nothing to this extent.
"Can we see her?" Billie Joe asked nervously from beside me.
The doctor smiled. "Of course, but please only one at time. And try to make your visits short, she's groggy from the medication and she needs her rest."
"Thank you, we won't be long. We just want to see her." Billie Joe smiled gratefully as the doctor nodded and strolled away.
My heart started to race as I realized this was going to be the hard part, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be seeing my sister today. And probably not tomorrow either.
He turned to me questioningly and I smiled a little to show my support, I knew he was dying to see her. "Go." I mumbled.
He nodded as he squeezed my hand once more before letting go and hurrying off in the direction that the doctor told us we could find her. I watched him go and felt anxiety rise up in my chest as I tried to stay calm. I turned on my heel to see Tre and Mike staring at me closely, both expressions mirroring that of expecting me to have a breakdown any second. I grabbed my purse off the chair. "I'm going out for a cigarette. If something changes come get me." I mumbled as I took off towards the bank of elevators.
Once outside I gratefully lit my cigarette and felt a little better as the nicotine flowed through my veins, a sense of calm washing over me. I sat down on a broken set of concrete stairs in the back alley of the hospital where no one else seemed interested in hanging out. I wanted some privacy anyway. I stubbed out one cigarette and lit another one immediately.
"You're going to make yourself sick doing that." I heard a familiar voice call from behind me and as I looked up I was surprised to see Tre standing in the doorway. I would have guessed that Mike would have been chosen to check up on me, but I was completely floored to find Tre standing above me. And to be perfectly honest I don't know how eager I was to spend any extra time with Tre right now, a realization that seemed to be hitting me hard over the head. He only served to show me how much I fucked up, and trust me; I didn't need any more help.
I shrugged as he plopped down next to me, his longer legs settling on the step below mine. I kept my eyes fixed on a rusted dumpster about ten feet away as they burned with the lack of sleep I was getting lately. It seemed like the only thing keeping me grounded lately was my cigarettes, they never seemed to let me down either. I wasn't about to give them up.
"So that was quite a shock in there." Tre mumbled and then winced a little at the stupidity of his remark.
I resisted the urge to shove him off the steps. "Sure was." I mumbled back.
I saw him watching me out of the corner of my eye. "You okay?"
"I'm dandy and thank you for asking." I replied bitterly as I took another drag off my cigarette.
He frowned a little as he rested his elbows on his knees, looking off into the distance. "Did I ever tell you that I hate that you smoke?"
I turned to look at him. "Why? Are you going to tell me I hide behind them too?" I shut my eyes in disbelief, I didn't mean for it to come out with such anger, but he never flinched as he met my stare head on.
"I guess I deserve that."
I shrugged. "Forget it. That's what I'm trying to do, it was just a bad night all together. And I'm sorry for snapping at you just now."
He sighed. "I just came out here to see if you were okay, I'm not trying to instigate a fight with you."
I stubbed out my cigarette and exhaled. "That was very kind of, thank you." I replied sarcastically. It seemed in moments like this that he always drew out whatever emotion I was feeling, no matter how hard I tried to keep them hidden away. And lucky for him today he happened to tap into my unresolved anger and abundant supply of bitter issues.
He was silent for a moment and I half expected him to get up and go back inside but he didn't. So we sat there, in silence, as I watched him very slowly but very surely slide closer to me on the top step. My knee was almost brushing his thigh as he moved just a little closer yet.
"I don't blame you for all of this, if that's what you're thinking." I muttered moments later when he shifted again.
He turned to me and frowned. "I wouldn't blame you for your resentment, I mean, isn't what this is all about?"
"What do you mean?" I asked as I dug for another cigarette.
When I had one ready to light he grabbed it out of my hands and broke it in two.
"Hey." I muttered in disbelief. "What gives? You smoke sometimes. Hell, Billie Joe smokes like a damn chimney and you don't give him shit." I pointed out as he shook his head.
"I don't kiss him." I raised an eyebrow in disagreement. "Not frequently anyway."
I almost smiled. "Bullshit."
He grinned. "Okay, okay Jesus. But I like kissing you MORE than I like kissing him."
I looked at him with a leery expression that made him chuckle. "I'm serious, you smoke way too fucking much, Ava. You're only 25... I mean, slow down."
I rolled my eyes in disbelief. "This from the guy who used to do speed in his 'younger days'. As I recall you were quite reckless in your twenties."
He grinned. "But you aren't me."
I nodded. "Thank you for that astute observation. What's your point, Wright?"
He slid slightly closer and cupped my chin in his hand. "My point, my dear Ava, is that I want you to stick around for awhile."
I shrugged my face out of his hand and pushed off the concrete steps, grabbing another cigarette.
"I have nothing around here to stick around for." I joked as I lit up. I watched him eye me from the steps carefully. "You'll never change." He muttered, glancing down at his hands.
I shook my head. "Sorry to disappoint you, but you're right I won't. What you see is what you get."
I turned my back to him and read some of the graffiti that covered the neighboring building next to the hospital, trying to shove his words out of my head. From behind me I could hear him get to his feet and I assumed he was going back inside, I actually wanted him to. I felt myself getting worked up and I didn't want to start blaming him for things that were out of both of our hands because I didn't have the ability to work through shit on my own. But as I stubbed out my cigarette moments later and turned around he was still standing a few feet away from me, eyeing me carefully.
"I want a hug." He stated simply, as though that was next on the itinerary.
I raised an eyebrow. "Who the fuck do I look like? Barney?"
I saw him fight a smile. "I'm sad. I want a hug."
"No." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.
He sighed. "Get your ass over here and hug me."
I shook my head stubbornly. "I remember last time we hugged... you broke up with me, remember? I've taken to considering myself anti-hug you. You're clearly allergic to me."
This time he did smile. "I didn't break up with you, we were never together." He pointed out as I shifted my weight from one foot to another.
"Alright, well, you put a fucking kabosh on us then."
He snorted a little with laughter. "A kabosh? What the hell is that?"
I pushed my hair out of my eyes and shook my head. "I don't want a hug." I replied stubbornly, his eyes dancing with amusement.
I didn't really feel like telling him I loved him or crying on him; those seemed to be the two reactions my body produced as a result of being in his arms.
I watched him continue to hold his arms out almost like Frankito would when he wanted a hug. "Yes you do. You NEED a hug."
"You can't force someone to hug you." I pointed out as he suddenly started walking towards me, my will to distance myself from him breaking down with each step he took.
Yeah, like I was going to turn down a hug from him. I wasn't that mental.
I closed my eyes when I felt his arms encircle me, his familiar smell invading my senses as he gently cupped the back of my head in his hand and pressed my cheek to his shoulder. I gripped the back of his t-shirt as he kissed the side of my head and whispered, "It'll be okay."
I felt the predictable tears spring to my eyes as everything that had gone wrong in the past month came crashing down on me. I had the strong urge to start kicking him as way of venting my emotions, but instead I decided to be honest with him and with myself. "I do resent you." I admitted into his shoulder as he kissed the skin on my neck just inches above where the collar of my t-shirt rested.
"I know." He mumbled back as he held me closer. "And I understand."
"First thing first, I need to stop crying on you." I commented as he chuckled and moved so that I was pressed slightly against the brick wall. Needing and wanting to feel his skin under my hands I slipped a hand under his t-shirt to caress the smooth skin of his back. He felt real and so close to me and it made my heart feel strangled as I realized I was going to have to let him go... again.
"I could never admit that to you until just now even though that has been the reason all along for me pushing you away." I mumbled as he stroked the hair that fell down my back, his one arm still wrapped tightly around me as I held on to him for dear life.
"I know. You were fighting against yourself. You've been doing it for a long time... and you're damn good at it if I do say so myself." He replied as I chuckled a little.
"You're right, I'm sorry."
I felt him shrug beneath me. "You don't have to apologize, Ava. You've just taken the most important step forward by realizing it and admitting it out loud."
I sighed and continued to hold on to him as I tried to work through this realization in my head.
"Tre, I think you and I should..."
"Ava?" I lifted my head off Tre's shoulder to see Mike standing in the doorway giving us a strange look. "Fuck you guys were hard to track down." He muttered.
I regretfully stepped out of Tre's arms, wiping at my eyes, as I looked up at Mike again. "Sorry to interrupt you two but Ava... Adrienne wants to see you."
I'm pretty sure that my heart stopped beating in that instant. I grabbed on to Tre's arm and looked at him to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. He smiled a little. "What are you waiting for? Get in there." He encouraged, placing his hand on my back and giving me a gentle shove.
This was what I had been wanting for so long but I realized suddenly that I didn't know what I would say. I started to walk towards Mike but I stopped when I felt the uncertainty take over my ability to move forward. I grabbed Tre's hand and stepped back to stand in front of him again.
"I don't know what to say." I admitted fearfully as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Tell her everything you haven't been able to say because you've been too afraid of hurting her or losing her."
"But what if she... "
He smiled. "She's already forgiven you. It just took her until now to realize it." He assured me as he started walking back to the steps, dragging me with him.
I shook nervously as I rode up on the elevator between Mike and Tre. I was still holding Tre's hand for support when the doors opened and we spotted Billie Joe talking to a nurse. He turned when he saw us walking towards him.
"Hey, you found her." Billie Joe smiled, noticing that Tre and I's hands were joined. "She asked to see you as soon as she heard you were here."
I swallowed nervously. "What room is she in again?" I asked, almost in a whisper.
"215." He answered. "Right down there." He said motioning to his right.
I nodded and then turned to Tre. "Will you be here when I get back?" I asked
He nodded. "We'll all be here when you get back." Mike answered for him, reassuring me as I finally released Tre's hand and started in the direction of Adrienne's room. I clasped my hands together to stop them from shaking as I felt my mouth go dry. It always seemed to do that anyway... I hated hospitals.
I paused at her door, memorizing each detail of it before forcing myself to take a step forward. She had a room to herself, which was nice, she liked her privacy. I noticed immediately upon stepping inside the dim room that her eyes were closed and I wondered briefly if she was sleeping. But as I approached her bed her eyelids slid open and she looked at me. I honestly don't know who started crying first, me or her, but before I knew it I was rushing forward to wrap my arms around her. She felt so fragile and delicate underneath me, which made me cry harder as she shook against me, her tears soaking my right shoulder. Eventually I pulled away, mostly out of fear of smothering her and mostly because I was afraid I was hurting her.
I perched on the edge of her bed, careful not to tangle her cords or to pull at the IV in her hand.
"Hi." I whispered hoarsely, wiping at the mascara streaks that had started with Tre and then made another appearance a few minutes earlier. Waterproof my ass.
"Hey kid." She whispered back, looking rather uncomfortable as her shoulders and neck were propped up with the help of a pillow.
"How are you feeling?" I asked surveying all of the equipment spread out around her.
"A little better now." She admitted, her voice sounding a little dry as she ran her eyes over my face. "Just tired and sore. But the morphine is great." She joked as I giggled a little. "Yeah, I bet. When you leave ask if you can take some with you."
She looked so pale and all I could do was hold her hands and squeeze them as she reached up and flicked off her television, which I hadn't even noticed was on until she turned it off.
"Adrienne, I'm so sorry... " I started as she cut me off.
"Don't apologize, I'm not angry anymore." She replied quietly, holding tightly to my hands. "I understand why you did it."
"You do?" I questioned as she nodded and then cringed a little as she moved to get more comfortable.
"We don't have to talk about this right now, Aid. If you would rather wait until you're most rested... " She waved her hand at me, dismissing my words.
"No, I've been so damn stubborn by not taking your calls... I don't want to waste anymore time by not talking about it. I can't handle not having you around." She replied. "But first do you think you could refill my glass of water?" She asked as I nodded and quickly reached for her pitcher of water, refilling her glass, and then helping her hold the glass to her lips as she drank.
"That's better." She said as I took the glass back from her and sat it on the table next to her bed.
I fussed over her, making sure she was well covered and comfortable as the nurse came in to check on her and take her readings.
"She'll need her rest soon, it's the best thing for her." The nurse said politely but pointedly as I nodded.
"I won't be long." I promised as she smiled sweetly and scurried away.
"So the boys are coming tomorrow?" I asked as Adrienne's eyes lit up a little.
"Yeah, I miss them already." She replied.
"Do you know if Billie Joe called mom to let her know you're alright?" I asked her as she shook her head. "I'll check with him before I leave." I reassured her as she continued to hold my left hand.
She stared at me for a moment before she spoke. "Do you love him, Ava?" She asked as I glanced away for a moment, surprised by her bluntness.
"Yes." I replied strongly, glancing back her finally. "I do love him."
Adrienne nodded a little. "I think that's why I was so angry... I never saw it. I never knew there was anything going on at all, and for so long I prided myself on knowing you better than anyone... I wanted to make that up to you by not being there when you were little... and well, I thought I had succeeded." She explained.
I felt more tears gather in my eyes. "You do know me better than anyone, Adrienne. I was just being selfish by not telling you." I replied. "In the beginning it was just sex... " I trailed off awkwardly not sure whether this was an overshare or not, considering how well we both knew Tre, but she nodded for me to continue. "So in the beginning we kept it to ourselves, just figuring we were messing around for fun... and then things got complicated. He admitted he had feelings for me and I was stubborn so I pushed him away... I just... I never wanted to hurt you. And I know I made you that promise last summer about finding someone who wasn't a musician or didn't travel... "
Adrienne cut me off as she looked embarrassed. "Ava, that was absurd of me to expect you to follow that rule. I was going through so much shit with Billie Joe and I just wanted to lend you some advice, I guess... it was fucking stupid and I'm sorry. You've never been anything but wonderful to me since you've moved out here and I wanted to repay you by trying to make your life easier because I want you to be happy, but I was really just being controlling like usual, you know how I can get." She paused as I smiled at the acknowledgement of her pesky little habit before she continued. "I mean, how could I blame you for finding someone in the music industry when you practically grew up in it." She replied as she started to cough a little. Before she even asked I grabbed for her water and placed it to her lips so she could take another sip.
I rearranged the pillows behind her back and her head as she tried to get comfortable. I settled next to her again.
"Can I tell you something?" She asked.
I nodded. "Of course, you can tell me anything."
She looked down for a moment at our hands intertwined and she smiled. "I always thought... well, I guess I always hoped you would end up with Mike." She whispered as I resisted the urge to roll my eyes playfully.
"You and mom both." I replied as we chuckled a little.
"I guess I never even considered Tre as a love interest... I guess that was another reason why I was so surprised. I had to finally accept that you and Mike would never be together now." She sighed wistfully, but I was pretty sure she was only half serious. Well, I hoped anyway.
"Tre is great." I replied as she looked at me with thoughtful eyes.
"He is great... he just isn't someone I saw you with. Hell, I don't see him with anyone." She joked as I smiled a little.
I felt there was something important that I needed to bring to her attention before we continued on any further. "You hurt his feelings Adrienne." I mumbled, these words seeming to quickly catch her attention. "And you hurt mine too when you made a snide remark about me ending up with the 'likes of him'... he's like family to us... .I just think that was a little harsh." I said, casting my eyes downward as she looked ashamed.
"Jesus, you're right. I never even thought about that until now... I was just so angry at him... and at you. I love him, he's one of Billie Joe's best friends and mine as well... I'll definitely apologize for that."
I nodded as she looked uncomfortable again. "Can I get you something?" I asked as she shook hear head. "No, I'm just going to be in pain for awhile no matter what. Not like I haven't experienced it before, I did give birth to two kids, you know?" She joked as I giggled.
"Oh I remember. You have yet to stop reminding Billie Joe of that when he tells you you're lazy." I bantered back as she laughed and then cringed.
"Ava, stop... no laughing." She requested holding her side as she tried to stop. "One sneeze and my stitches could tear open."
I stopped laughing immediately, my face paling. "YUCK." I mumbled. "That's fucking gross and that's why YOU had two sons, not me." I replied as she grinned. "Wimp."
"Absolutely. I hate blood, stitches, placenta... " I trailed off as she chuckled and then cringed.
"Ava!" she whined. "You promised."
"Ohhh, sorry. My bad." I replied squeezing her hand. "No more laughing."
She regarded me for a moment. "So have you been seeing him still?" She asked quietly.
I shook my head. "We broke it off... I've only seen him once before today and we got into a huge fight and he, well, he dumped my ass... in his driveway." I admitted as she grinned.
"I can't believe someone actually dumped you."
Had she not been lying in a hospital bed I may have slapped her arm, but given the condition she was in I simply settled for giving her a dirty look.
"Why did he dump you?" She asked curiously.
Just the thought of that night in his driveway was enough to throw me into the depths of a well thought out depression, but I tried to remain calm as I shrugged nonchalantly. "He and I have some issues." I replied as she watched me carefully.
"Issues because of me?"
I glanced up at her as she smiled a little. "Hey, I may be on a morphine drip but I'm not stupid."
I nodded my head. "Yeah, partly because of you and partly because I'm an emotional fuckwhit."
She smiled at that. "What does that mean?"
I sighed. "I told him I didn't want to start anything official with him because you and I hadn't cleared the air and I didn't want to... I didn't want to pick him over you again. I wanted to make things right." I explained as she nodded thoughtfully.
"So you used me as an excuse to mask your insecurities?" She responded as I resisted the urge to slap the hand containing her IV.
"Well... yes. But I had noble reasons in wanting to straighten things out with you. He just... damn it, he saw right through me." I mumbled as she reached for my hand again. "Nothing pisses me off more than that."
"He's smart Ava. He may not look it but damn it if he's not perceptive."
I nodded. "Yeah, I know... and that's so attractive." I mumbled as she covered her face with her hands, hiding a smile. "It's so weird, Ava. I can't believe you're in love with Tre. Tre who used to say things to you like 'I'll give you ten bucks if you eat that' and the same Tre who used to pull your hair and call you names and play soccer with you outside. Gah, it's so fucking weird to me." She mumbled as I smiled down at the floor.
"He's also the same Tre who used to chase the monsters out of my room, the same Tre who threatened to beat up Brian Seever when he broke my heart in tenth grade, and he's the same Tre who bothered to take time to get to know me and to actually look for the real me. I don't know... he's just... he's amazing." I explained, feeling a ridiculously large smile creep over my face.
I glanced over at her as she attempted a smile. "Give me some time to get used to this, huh?" She requested as I nodded. "To lay you and Mike to rest." She joked.
I ignored her Mike comment. "I think we'll need some time to work through the current issues we just unearthed anyway." I muttered regretfully. I saw her yawn and I suddenly felt bad for taking up so much time, she must have been exhausted. "BUT, I think I best be going. You look tired and I don't want to be chased out of here by your nurse."
Adrienne's face fell a little but she nodded, "Yeah okay."
I leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I'll send Billie in before I leave and I'll be back first thing in the morning." I promised leaning closer to whisper, "And I'll bring you some real breakfast."
She smiled a little. "Thank you."
I stood with my hip propped against the bed as I felt an incredible surge of happiness and relief wash over me, we were back to normal. "I missed you." I admitted as she reached for my hand again. "I missed you too... I'm sorry I was stubborn. And I'm sorry it took me until today to get over it." She muttered as I shook my head.
"No more apologies, no more regrets. Let's just put this behind us, deal?"
"Deal." She replied, pulling me to her for another hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"I'll see you in the morning." I promised before releasing her and heading for the door.
I paused just outside of the doorway. "I love you."
"Love you too, kid." She replied as I smiled and then headed back towards the lounge to where the three guys sat sprawled out on the orange and green chairs.
Billie Joe stood up immediately and because he was the first one I saw and he was closer to me than Tre or Mike he was on the receiving end of my burst of happiness. I don't think he had time to register what was happening as I pulled him in for a tight hug. I heard him chuckle against my cheek as I squeezed him for good measure.
"So it went well?" He teased sarcastically when I broke apart to hug Mike who had stood up and moved closer to me, opening his arms.
"Good for you, kid." He muttered as I wrapped my arms around his lanky frame.
When I pulled apart from Mike I noticed Tre was still sitting, his eyes trained on me, his expression unreadable. An awkward moment of silence passed over the four of us in the waiting room again. Billie Joe broke the silence as he grabbed for his discarded jacket.
"I'm going to go see if Adi needs anything. Mike you want to pop in and say hello?" Billie Joe asked as Mike nodded, taking the hint and following him towards the door.
"See you two tomorrow." I called as they nodded and Mike made a hand gesture requesting a phone call later on. I smiled as they disappeared back down the hall.
I moved over to stand in front of Tre who was still sitting, just staring up at me.
"How'd it go? Okay?" He asked curiously, shifting into a reclined position as he threw his arm over the back of the chair next to him.
I nodded. "We cleared the air... she told me she thinks it's weird that we love each other, but that'll she adjust, she needs some time." I admitted, feeling my cheeks redden a little. It was still weird to mutter those sacred words out loud... but freeing all at the same time.
He grinned and looked away, biting his lip. Not waiting for an invitation or feeling like I needed one I sat down next to him and tucked my knees up into my chest.
"So what about you? Do you think you'll adjust?" He mumbled as he leaned a little closer to me, the arm that was thrown over my chair moved around my shoulders as he began brushing his thumb over the bare skin of my arm. I turned to him and gave a playful shrug. "I guess."
He grinned in amusement. "You guess? Anything I could do to sway you into a firm yes?"
I pretended to think for a moment as I reached over his lap to grab his other hand, intertwining our fingers before looking back up at him.
"You could kiss me." I whispered quietly, making a mental note to thank his parents for being so genetically sound.
I leaned towards him and was a little more than shocked when he pulled away and stood up instead. He reached his hands out to me and I grabbed them after hesitating for a moment as he pulled me off of my chair.
"Where are we going?" I asked as we waited patiently for the elevators to arrive.
He didn't say anything as we stood side by side in the elevator, my hand tucked securely inside his. When the doors opened we moved across the lobby and through the sliding doors, walking in the direction of the parking lot.
"Tre where are we... " I started to ask again, but he just kept adamantly pulling me through the lines of cars. Finally I recognized his car about two feet away and right before we reached it he turned around and dipped his head, his lips meeting mine. I was mid-step when he decided that it was time for the kissing to commence so I ended up sort of awkwardly falling on him, my foot stomping on his as he cupped my face and kissed me with such intensity I was pretty sure the planets were going to align as my hands scrambled to his broad shoulders to keep from falling over.
He pulled away first, breathing heavily as I righted myself and apologized for stomping on his foot.
"I didn't think it was appropriate to grope you in a hospital waiting room." He explained when I looked up at him curiously. "Although it was tempting."
I grinned. "I guess your momma raised you right then." I joked as he pulled me back against him for another kiss.
I was more than happy to oblige.
Sitting in his car later I couldn't stop grinning, but the reality of our situation moved in quickly on my good mood.
"So you leave again the day after tomorrow." I offered as he thumped his hands against the steering wheel in time to a Duran Duran song. "This is an awful CD by the way."
He ignored my musical insult and nodded his head. "I know, I don't want to go... .you could come with me?" He replied hopefully.
"You know I can't. Adrienne needs me here." I replied quietly.
He nodded, acknowledging my predicament. "I'll see you on the 16th for your parent's party."
I felt my shoulders deflate. "That seems like a year away." I mumbled. "I don't like this three weeks in between seeing each other bullshit."
I saw his arm snake across the console to reach for my hand. "Except this time we don't have any angst or anger for one another. We can call and stuff."
I turned my head to look at him. "I feel like we're constantly stuck in neutral."
He nodded a little. "But today was huge, Ava. You cleared things up with Adrienne, which means you can't blame me for shit being wrong anymore." I reached over and smacked his arm as he laughed. "Today was good."
"I can think of something that would make it marginally better... " I mumbled under my breath.
I did feel good about the day's progress but I knew the bullshit between Tre and I hadn't magically disappeared over night. And although I knew we were taking steps in the right direction I also knew we weren't quite there yet. And we weren't ready.
"So we wait?" I asked, hoping in the back of my mind that he would just make a phone call to their manager and tell him that he wasn't coming to the next tour date because he had to stay in bed with me forever. That he would devote every single waking second to strengthening our relationship. A girl can dream right?
He sighed and squeezed my hand. "We wait."
The day of Adrienne's surgery.
I still hadn't spoken to my sister and Tre and I had yet to speak after the hellacious incident in his driveway. Needless to say, it had been a very shitty couple of weeks with a few tolerable moments that turned up here and there. My trip to Las Vegas proved to be interesting and it took my mind off Tre for awhile... until I spotted their tour poster on one of the walls of the casinos, which sent me straight into the arms of one of my favorite men: Jose Cuervo. Which in turn sent me straight to the bathroom to throw up. It was lovely.
I had talked to Mike a number of times since they left for the tour and we both seemed content to sit and complain about our broken hearts, but then a week ago Mike started singing a different tune. I hadn't asked him yet but I was pretty sure he had found someone to make his lonely nights a little more tolerable.
Lucky bastard. Except I didn't want just anyone, I wanted Tre.
I sat in the visitor's parking lot of the hospital the morning of her surgery and prayed for some sort of strength to get out of my car and deal with the possibility that my sister may not even want to see me when she gets out of recovery, and that Billie Joe may be the only supplier of information I had to rely on today.
I grabbed an extra large coffee from the cafeteria and dragged myself to the second floor, where according to Billie Joe, this is where she would be when she came out of surgery. It was 10:10, she was set to go in for surgery at 10. I hoped by showing up a few minutes late it would alleviate some of the stress she was going through, especially if she didn't want to see me.
I saw Billie Joe first, hunched over in one of those plastic and ridiculously uncomfortable chairs in the waiting lounge. He had his head resting in his hands, a cup of coffee between his feet and he sat completely still. I noticed Mike down the hall a ways, checking out the various vending machines and looking as though he was just trying to stretch his legs and clear his head.
I saw no sign of Tre. Insert disappointment yet relief here.
I carefully slipped into the chair next to Billie Joe, and he immediately looked up as he felt someone next to him. He looked anxious and tired, something that wasn't uncommon from being away on tour, but all of this stress had started to take a toll on him. I could tell.
"Ava... " He said simply, that one word spoke volumes; he was glad that I was here. I nodded a little as I felt tears come to my eyes, and then I felt embarrassment follow shortly afterwards; Jesus, I was crying already. I felt his arm slide around my shoulders as I wiped at my eyes.
"I had to come. Just to be here for support." I muttered as he nodded and pulled me close to him. I laid my head on his shoulder as we awkwardly hugged sitting side by side in the ugly, orange plastic chairs.
I don't know how long we sat like that but I wasn't about to let him go and I think he felt the same way. It had been years since Billie Joe and I had hugged properly, I think the last time was when Adrienne and I received news that our aunt had died of cancer quite a few years back. He had come to the funeral home looking unsure of what to do and out of panic he threw his arms around me and awkwardly slapped my back a few times in a truly appalling manner. We still tease him about that particularly eloquent show of affection.
Today was different though; it felt good to hug someone who understood just how much we had to lose if something went wrong here today, to hug someone who loved her just as much as I did. It felt good just to hug.
Eventually we did break apart, and he awkwardly took a sip of his coffee as I tucked my knees into my chest. I felt like a little kid again for the first time in years because I couldn't quite get a grasp on everything that was going on around me, I felt lost.
"She should be in there for two hours, tops." Billie Joe mumbled from next to me.
I nodded. "Mom told me about most of the surgery details. Adrienne insisted that she didn't come out, huh?" I asked, as it was his turn to nod.
"She didn't want her to have to go through all that trouble of flying out especially when she didn't expect her recovery time to be very long. My mom offered to come and drive the kids to school and stuff until Adi feels better." He replied as I continued to stare at my hands. I had never felt so distant from my sister, we never usually went two days without talking to one another and all of a sudden I had been cast as an outsider, left to hear details that should have come straight from my sister's mouth from others.
"Jakob and Joe with Ollie?" I asked a few minutes later.
"Yeah, Ma figured she could bring them in tomorrow to visit when Adrienne's feeling a little better. She doesn't want them to freak out." He explained.
"Make sense." I simply replied and then we were left in silence again.
I had so much I wanted to say and so many questions, but I didn't think it was fair to push everything on Billie Joe, he was going through a lot too. I never noticed Mike enter the room until he parked his lanky ass on the chair next to me. I looked up as he smiled and practically pulled me into his lap for a giant hug.
"I'm glad you're here." He mumbled into my hair as I gave him a long squeeze and then settled back into my seat again.
"I couldn't have sat home. At least this way I will be here when the information comes through, even if she doesn't want to talk to me... " I trailed off as I saw Tre making his way towards us, a sober look on his face. I honestly thought I was going to pass out as he hovered over us, planting a kiss on Billie Joe's pale cheek.
"Sorry I'm late. Traffic." Tre mumbled quietly, his voice and body language subdued as he sat down in an ugly green chair across from the three of us.
I'm not sure awkward could even BEGIN to paint a picture of the four of us. Billie Joe was the least effected by it because he was completely withdrawn into his own world. The news really hit him hard and I felt bad that he would only be home for two days to be by Adrienne's side. Mike, who always seemed fascinated by the dynamics between Tre and me, was eyeing us closely as we both did our best to avoid looking at one another. I hadn't spoken to him since the night in his driveway almost three weeks ago, but I thought about it every day. I actually thought about him about every other second... I knew it was going to be a long morning.
I only glanced up at him once when he asked Billie Joe something, I couldn't help it, my senses seemed naturally accustomed to him and when he spoke it was an instant reaction to look up. But he wouldn't look at me, and I could tell from the concentration on his face and his posture that he was making quite an effort to keep his sights locked on Billie Joe.
Feeling rather transparent I fixed my eyes on a spot on the floor and focused on that until they went dry from my lack of blinking. No one said anything for what seemed like hours and I found myself ready to laugh, cry, or scream from the tension that could have been cut with a knife.
"I'm going to get coffee, anyone want?" Mike finally asked, standing up and looking between the rest of us. I almost kissed him out of relief as I stood up so abruptly I startled Billie Joe. "I'll go with you... I have to pee." I tried to sound nonchalant but I practically latched on to Mike's arm and dragged him from the waiting area. We strolled to the end of the hallway where I leaned against the soda machine and sighed in relief, I felt like I could finally breathe.
Mike retracted his arm and frowned. "I think you pulled my arm out of it's fucking socket, Ava. Be careful with me, these goods are only useful when they're not damaged."
I was so amused by his statement I actually forgot that I had just run into Tre for the first time in three weeks and four days. But who's counting?
"Did that actually just come out of your mouth?" I teased as he grinned and shrugged off my sarcasm. "Want some M&M's?" He asked, digging some change out of his pockets. I nodded, not really paying attention. The panic had set in.
"MIKE." I hissed as he set to work putting the code into the machine. "What am I going to DO?"
"Get a grip... preferably on something other than my arm." He muttered, still rubbing his arm a little. "We're here for Adrienne, he's not going to start shit with you in the middle of the waiting room. Billie Joe would bitch slap him back to the Mendocino Mountains."
I giggled a little. "You're punchy today." I teased as he sighed.
"Billie hasn't really gotten any sleep the past couple of days, which means I haven't gotten any sleep."
I patted his arm sympathetically. "I think this has been rough on everyone."
He nodded, tearing off the top of the M&M packet and motioning for me to hold out my hand. I did so willingly and shoved a few in my mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
"I feel like this isn't happening." I finally muttered to Mike who had now moved to peruse his soda choices. "I feel so far removed from her at this point that I feel like I'm watching some bad Lifetime movie on TV. And this thing with Tre... it's driving me crazy."
Mike selected a Diet Coke and retrieved it from the machine, glaring up at me as he straightened. "Driving you crazy? I've been confined to a BUS with him for the past three weeks. Both he and Billie Joe have been driving me up a fucking wall, I've been tempted on several occasions to strap myself down to the fucking hood and ride to the next show that way."
I held a hand over my mouth as the thought of Mike as a hood ornament popped into my mind. "I don't think that's the only reason you're punchy, Mikey-boy." I teased as his cheeks reddened.
My mouth dropped open a little. "So it's TRUE, you ARE seeing someone new. Cripes, you didn't even let the sheets cool down, did ya?" I teased as his face reddened even more and he shushed me.
"We're in a hospital for fuck's sake." He mumbled, but he grinned a little and leaned forward and looked around before dropping his tone to that of a whisper. "Her name is Kate. And that's ALL you're getting."
I giggled a little. "Good for you. Unless you're just using her as a rebound whore and in that case, shame on you, you typical male."
He grinned. "I like her." And that's all he had to say, I could tell it was true.
"Congratulations." I smiled and he nodded.
"Come on, let's head back. Billie Joe needs us."
I looked unsure as he grabbed my elbow and lead me back ignoring my protests. "Okay, but let's make a signal or something if I need you to bail me out. Like, when I nudge you or wink four times stand up and pretend like you have to pee and I'll go with you."
He chuckled. "Just breathe in and out, that's all you have to do."
"Something I seem to have trouble doing around him." I muttered under my breath.
And then we were entering the lounge as Tre and Billie Joe looked up. Tre had moved over to my seat so Mike and I sat across from the two of them. I grabbed a magazine off one of the coffee tables and tried to get lost in some tabloid garbage but just being in the same room as him seemed to mindfuck me... and not in a good way. I couldn't still; I crossed my left leg and then I uncrossed it, and then I crossed my right leg, and then I moved so I could tuck my legs underneath me, and then I tucked my knees up into my chest. After awhile Mike nudged me and gave me an evil look, probably the same look Estelle gets when she's antsy. I sighed and tried to sit still but I couldn't help it. There was also the factor that Tre was watching the television that was hanging on the wall above our heads so from the corner of my eye I could never tell whether he was actually looking at the TV or looking at me.
I persuaded myself to glance over at him once and immediately regretted it when his eyes fell just a little after sensing I was looking at him. For a blissful moment we held eye contact, but then he broke it when he looked back up at the television.
I was disappointed but I guess it was for the best, we didn't need to make a scene right out in front of God and everyone. There was also another awkward moment when Billie Joe grabbed at his hair in frustration before standing up and asking Mike if he would go for a walk with him. Mike, being the good friend that he is, obliged and quickly stood up. But as he walked by me and saw my pleading eyes staring up at him he froze and looked torn between his vow to me and supporting his oldest friend. I suddenly felt incredibly selfish, Billie Joe obviously needed some comfort... and a smoke.
"Umm, will you just bring me back a Mountain Dew or something?" I asked when Tre and Billie Joe stared at the odd non-verbal communication going on between Mike and me.
He smiled a little. "Yeah, no problem. We'll be right back."
I almost screamed out in desperation as I saw the back of their black jackets disappear down the hallway.
I carefully tore my eyes away from the doorway and tried to casually throw a glance in Tre's direction, but I almost fell right out of my chair when I saw him staring curiously at me, his eyes looking painfully blue as the sunlight streamed through the window and into the room. I felt like we were locked into some childish staring contest, neither of us backing down for what seemed like hours. He finally crossed his arms over his chest and then looked down at his feet. I resisted the urge to shout I WON as he continued to stare at his shoes. The tension and the uncertainty between us made me want to pull my hair out. For crying out loud, this is Tre. I've known him for fifteen years, were we really going to continue this charade?
I had just opened my mouth to ask him how the tour was going, or something, just as long as we both acknowledged one another when Mike and Billie Joe came walking back into the room. Tre looked up at me curiously as I clamped my mouth shut and tore my eyes away from him.
"Any news yet?" Billie asked hopefully as I regretfully shook my head.
He sat down in the chair across from me looking beyond stressed out as his eyes shone with frustration and concern.
"She's been in there for almost three hours." He simply said as I nodded and looked over at Mike who had plopped down next to me again, stretching his long legs out.
"I'm sure everything is okay, Bill, maybe they just got a late start... or maybe she took longer to come out of it, some people react differently to the anesthetics." Mike replied quietly. I felt bad for him, there really were no special words that could soothe over our worries and concerns, nothing short of seeing Adrienne with our own eyes would do at this point.
"But what if there were complications?" Billie Joe retorted, gripping at his hair again, his eyes pleading for answers.
"I'm sure they would notify us." I responded, reaching across the short distance between us to squeeze his hand. "It'll be okay... I promise." It was quite a bold statement but for some reason I was certain, I felt something deep inside of me telling me that even though she and I weren't speaking, she was alright.
He looked leery for a moment before he squeezed my hand back. "Thanks Ava."
After what seemed like days a doctor finally approached us. "Are you the family of Adrienne Armstrong?" He asked as Billie Joe and I eagerly sprang from our chairs to hear what he had to say. "I'm Dr. Sinclair, I performed Adrienne's surgery this morning."
"I'm Billie Joe, I'm her husband." Billie Joe replied as the doctor nodded.
"I'm her sister, Ava." I added.
The doctor smiled and I felt some of the tension in my shoulders melt away, that had to be a good sign. "Okay, well, you'll be glad to hear the surgery went smoothly."
Billie Joe sighed and ran his hands over his face and into his hair. "That's great news." He muttered as I nodded in agreement.
The doctor nodded, but then his appearance went from seemingly positive to somewhat serious, making my heart rate quicken. "As you know pre-surgery we found a growth on the outside of her right ovary, but we also found an additional tumor inside of that same ovary when we went in to remove the cyst."
I froze as I tried to work through his words. I felt Billie Joe's hand clasp mine as I cleared my throat. "Meaning? You took her entire ovary out instead of just removing what was on the outside?"
"Correct." The doctor answered.
Billie Joe continued to grip my hand and I thought he was going to break all of my fingers as he waved his other hand in the air. "What does this mean?" He questioned as the doctor smile politely.
"A longer recovery time essentially. And a longer stay here in the hospital. Probably about 4-5 days at the most would be necessary. We want to monitor her and make sure that she is healing nicely. And then once she's home she should take it easy for about 3 to 4 weeks so that her body will have time to heal and build it's energy back up. She will also be on a few different medications, they will help her heal and also help with the pain, but don't be surprised to find that this surgery has taken quite a toll on her body. Rest and little to no activity for the first two weeks cannot be stressed enough." He paused to let his words sink in. "Do you have any questions?"
Billie and I stood in a stupor for a moment, not expecting to hear that her surgery had turned into something of this magnitude. The doctor had explained that it would be a simple in and out sort surgery, that most of her time would be spent at home relaxing, but nothing to this extent.
"Can we see her?" Billie Joe asked nervously from beside me.
The doctor smiled. "Of course, but please only one at time. And try to make your visits short, she's groggy from the medication and she needs her rest."
"Thank you, we won't be long. We just want to see her." Billie Joe smiled gratefully as the doctor nodded and strolled away.
My heart started to race as I realized this was going to be the hard part, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be seeing my sister today. And probably not tomorrow either.
He turned to me questioningly and I smiled a little to show my support, I knew he was dying to see her. "Go." I mumbled.
He nodded as he squeezed my hand once more before letting go and hurrying off in the direction that the doctor told us we could find her. I watched him go and felt anxiety rise up in my chest as I tried to stay calm. I turned on my heel to see Tre and Mike staring at me closely, both expressions mirroring that of expecting me to have a breakdown any second. I grabbed my purse off the chair. "I'm going out for a cigarette. If something changes come get me." I mumbled as I took off towards the bank of elevators.
Once outside I gratefully lit my cigarette and felt a little better as the nicotine flowed through my veins, a sense of calm washing over me. I sat down on a broken set of concrete stairs in the back alley of the hospital where no one else seemed interested in hanging out. I wanted some privacy anyway. I stubbed out one cigarette and lit another one immediately.
"You're going to make yourself sick doing that." I heard a familiar voice call from behind me and as I looked up I was surprised to see Tre standing in the doorway. I would have guessed that Mike would have been chosen to check up on me, but I was completely floored to find Tre standing above me. And to be perfectly honest I don't know how eager I was to spend any extra time with Tre right now, a realization that seemed to be hitting me hard over the head. He only served to show me how much I fucked up, and trust me; I didn't need any more help.
I shrugged as he plopped down next to me, his longer legs settling on the step below mine. I kept my eyes fixed on a rusted dumpster about ten feet away as they burned with the lack of sleep I was getting lately. It seemed like the only thing keeping me grounded lately was my cigarettes, they never seemed to let me down either. I wasn't about to give them up.
"So that was quite a shock in there." Tre mumbled and then winced a little at the stupidity of his remark.
I resisted the urge to shove him off the steps. "Sure was." I mumbled back.
I saw him watching me out of the corner of my eye. "You okay?"
"I'm dandy and thank you for asking." I replied bitterly as I took another drag off my cigarette.
He frowned a little as he rested his elbows on his knees, looking off into the distance. "Did I ever tell you that I hate that you smoke?"
I turned to look at him. "Why? Are you going to tell me I hide behind them too?" I shut my eyes in disbelief, I didn't mean for it to come out with such anger, but he never flinched as he met my stare head on.
"I guess I deserve that."
I shrugged. "Forget it. That's what I'm trying to do, it was just a bad night all together. And I'm sorry for snapping at you just now."
He sighed. "I just came out here to see if you were okay, I'm not trying to instigate a fight with you."
I stubbed out my cigarette and exhaled. "That was very kind of, thank you." I replied sarcastically. It seemed in moments like this that he always drew out whatever emotion I was feeling, no matter how hard I tried to keep them hidden away. And lucky for him today he happened to tap into my unresolved anger and abundant supply of bitter issues.
He was silent for a moment and I half expected him to get up and go back inside but he didn't. So we sat there, in silence, as I watched him very slowly but very surely slide closer to me on the top step. My knee was almost brushing his thigh as he moved just a little closer yet.
"I don't blame you for all of this, if that's what you're thinking." I muttered moments later when he shifted again.
He turned to me and frowned. "I wouldn't blame you for your resentment, I mean, isn't what this is all about?"
"What do you mean?" I asked as I dug for another cigarette.
When I had one ready to light he grabbed it out of my hands and broke it in two.
"Hey." I muttered in disbelief. "What gives? You smoke sometimes. Hell, Billie Joe smokes like a damn chimney and you don't give him shit." I pointed out as he shook his head.
"I don't kiss him." I raised an eyebrow in disagreement. "Not frequently anyway."
I almost smiled. "Bullshit."
He grinned. "Okay, okay Jesus. But I like kissing you MORE than I like kissing him."
I looked at him with a leery expression that made him chuckle. "I'm serious, you smoke way too fucking much, Ava. You're only 25... I mean, slow down."
I rolled my eyes in disbelief. "This from the guy who used to do speed in his 'younger days'. As I recall you were quite reckless in your twenties."
He grinned. "But you aren't me."
I nodded. "Thank you for that astute observation. What's your point, Wright?"
He slid slightly closer and cupped my chin in his hand. "My point, my dear Ava, is that I want you to stick around for awhile."
I shrugged my face out of his hand and pushed off the concrete steps, grabbing another cigarette.
"I have nothing around here to stick around for." I joked as I lit up. I watched him eye me from the steps carefully. "You'll never change." He muttered, glancing down at his hands.
I shook my head. "Sorry to disappoint you, but you're right I won't. What you see is what you get."
I turned my back to him and read some of the graffiti that covered the neighboring building next to the hospital, trying to shove his words out of my head. From behind me I could hear him get to his feet and I assumed he was going back inside, I actually wanted him to. I felt myself getting worked up and I didn't want to start blaming him for things that were out of both of our hands because I didn't have the ability to work through shit on my own. But as I stubbed out my cigarette moments later and turned around he was still standing a few feet away from me, eyeing me carefully.
"I want a hug." He stated simply, as though that was next on the itinerary.
I raised an eyebrow. "Who the fuck do I look like? Barney?"
I saw him fight a smile. "I'm sad. I want a hug."
"No." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.
He sighed. "Get your ass over here and hug me."
I shook my head stubbornly. "I remember last time we hugged... you broke up with me, remember? I've taken to considering myself anti-hug you. You're clearly allergic to me."
This time he did smile. "I didn't break up with you, we were never together." He pointed out as I shifted my weight from one foot to another.
"Alright, well, you put a fucking kabosh on us then."
He snorted a little with laughter. "A kabosh? What the hell is that?"
I pushed my hair out of my eyes and shook my head. "I don't want a hug." I replied stubbornly, his eyes dancing with amusement.
I didn't really feel like telling him I loved him or crying on him; those seemed to be the two reactions my body produced as a result of being in his arms.
I watched him continue to hold his arms out almost like Frankito would when he wanted a hug. "Yes you do. You NEED a hug."
"You can't force someone to hug you." I pointed out as he suddenly started walking towards me, my will to distance myself from him breaking down with each step he took.
Yeah, like I was going to turn down a hug from him. I wasn't that mental.
I closed my eyes when I felt his arms encircle me, his familiar smell invading my senses as he gently cupped the back of my head in his hand and pressed my cheek to his shoulder. I gripped the back of his t-shirt as he kissed the side of my head and whispered, "It'll be okay."
I felt the predictable tears spring to my eyes as everything that had gone wrong in the past month came crashing down on me. I had the strong urge to start kicking him as way of venting my emotions, but instead I decided to be honest with him and with myself. "I do resent you." I admitted into his shoulder as he kissed the skin on my neck just inches above where the collar of my t-shirt rested.
"I know." He mumbled back as he held me closer. "And I understand."
"First thing first, I need to stop crying on you." I commented as he chuckled and moved so that I was pressed slightly against the brick wall. Needing and wanting to feel his skin under my hands I slipped a hand under his t-shirt to caress the smooth skin of his back. He felt real and so close to me and it made my heart feel strangled as I realized I was going to have to let him go... again.
"I could never admit that to you until just now even though that has been the reason all along for me pushing you away." I mumbled as he stroked the hair that fell down my back, his one arm still wrapped tightly around me as I held on to him for dear life.
"I know. You were fighting against yourself. You've been doing it for a long time... and you're damn good at it if I do say so myself." He replied as I chuckled a little.
"You're right, I'm sorry."
I felt him shrug beneath me. "You don't have to apologize, Ava. You've just taken the most important step forward by realizing it and admitting it out loud."
I sighed and continued to hold on to him as I tried to work through this realization in my head.
"Tre, I think you and I should..."
"Ava?" I lifted my head off Tre's shoulder to see Mike standing in the doorway giving us a strange look. "Fuck you guys were hard to track down." He muttered.
I regretfully stepped out of Tre's arms, wiping at my eyes, as I looked up at Mike again. "Sorry to interrupt you two but Ava... Adrienne wants to see you."
I'm pretty sure that my heart stopped beating in that instant. I grabbed on to Tre's arm and looked at him to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. He smiled a little. "What are you waiting for? Get in there." He encouraged, placing his hand on my back and giving me a gentle shove.
This was what I had been wanting for so long but I realized suddenly that I didn't know what I would say. I started to walk towards Mike but I stopped when I felt the uncertainty take over my ability to move forward. I grabbed Tre's hand and stepped back to stand in front of him again.
"I don't know what to say." I admitted fearfully as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Tell her everything you haven't been able to say because you've been too afraid of hurting her or losing her."
"But what if she... "
He smiled. "She's already forgiven you. It just took her until now to realize it." He assured me as he started walking back to the steps, dragging me with him.
I shook nervously as I rode up on the elevator between Mike and Tre. I was still holding Tre's hand for support when the doors opened and we spotted Billie Joe talking to a nurse. He turned when he saw us walking towards him.
"Hey, you found her." Billie Joe smiled, noticing that Tre and I's hands were joined. "She asked to see you as soon as she heard you were here."
I swallowed nervously. "What room is she in again?" I asked, almost in a whisper.
"215." He answered. "Right down there." He said motioning to his right.
I nodded and then turned to Tre. "Will you be here when I get back?" I asked
He nodded. "We'll all be here when you get back." Mike answered for him, reassuring me as I finally released Tre's hand and started in the direction of Adrienne's room. I clasped my hands together to stop them from shaking as I felt my mouth go dry. It always seemed to do that anyway... I hated hospitals.
I paused at her door, memorizing each detail of it before forcing myself to take a step forward. She had a room to herself, which was nice, she liked her privacy. I noticed immediately upon stepping inside the dim room that her eyes were closed and I wondered briefly if she was sleeping. But as I approached her bed her eyelids slid open and she looked at me. I honestly don't know who started crying first, me or her, but before I knew it I was rushing forward to wrap my arms around her. She felt so fragile and delicate underneath me, which made me cry harder as she shook against me, her tears soaking my right shoulder. Eventually I pulled away, mostly out of fear of smothering her and mostly because I was afraid I was hurting her.
I perched on the edge of her bed, careful not to tangle her cords or to pull at the IV in her hand.
"Hi." I whispered hoarsely, wiping at the mascara streaks that had started with Tre and then made another appearance a few minutes earlier. Waterproof my ass.
"Hey kid." She whispered back, looking rather uncomfortable as her shoulders and neck were propped up with the help of a pillow.
"How are you feeling?" I asked surveying all of the equipment spread out around her.
"A little better now." She admitted, her voice sounding a little dry as she ran her eyes over my face. "Just tired and sore. But the morphine is great." She joked as I giggled a little. "Yeah, I bet. When you leave ask if you can take some with you."
She looked so pale and all I could do was hold her hands and squeeze them as she reached up and flicked off her television, which I hadn't even noticed was on until she turned it off.
"Adrienne, I'm so sorry... " I started as she cut me off.
"Don't apologize, I'm not angry anymore." She replied quietly, holding tightly to my hands. "I understand why you did it."
"You do?" I questioned as she nodded and then cringed a little as she moved to get more comfortable.
"We don't have to talk about this right now, Aid. If you would rather wait until you're most rested... " She waved her hand at me, dismissing my words.
"No, I've been so damn stubborn by not taking your calls... I don't want to waste anymore time by not talking about it. I can't handle not having you around." She replied. "But first do you think you could refill my glass of water?" She asked as I nodded and quickly reached for her pitcher of water, refilling her glass, and then helping her hold the glass to her lips as she drank.
"That's better." She said as I took the glass back from her and sat it on the table next to her bed.
I fussed over her, making sure she was well covered and comfortable as the nurse came in to check on her and take her readings.
"She'll need her rest soon, it's the best thing for her." The nurse said politely but pointedly as I nodded.
"I won't be long." I promised as she smiled sweetly and scurried away.
"So the boys are coming tomorrow?" I asked as Adrienne's eyes lit up a little.
"Yeah, I miss them already." She replied.
"Do you know if Billie Joe called mom to let her know you're alright?" I asked her as she shook her head. "I'll check with him before I leave." I reassured her as she continued to hold my left hand.
She stared at me for a moment before she spoke. "Do you love him, Ava?" She asked as I glanced away for a moment, surprised by her bluntness.
"Yes." I replied strongly, glancing back her finally. "I do love him."
Adrienne nodded a little. "I think that's why I was so angry... I never saw it. I never knew there was anything going on at all, and for so long I prided myself on knowing you better than anyone... I wanted to make that up to you by not being there when you were little... and well, I thought I had succeeded." She explained.
I felt more tears gather in my eyes. "You do know me better than anyone, Adrienne. I was just being selfish by not telling you." I replied. "In the beginning it was just sex... " I trailed off awkwardly not sure whether this was an overshare or not, considering how well we both knew Tre, but she nodded for me to continue. "So in the beginning we kept it to ourselves, just figuring we were messing around for fun... and then things got complicated. He admitted he had feelings for me and I was stubborn so I pushed him away... I just... I never wanted to hurt you. And I know I made you that promise last summer about finding someone who wasn't a musician or didn't travel... "
Adrienne cut me off as she looked embarrassed. "Ava, that was absurd of me to expect you to follow that rule. I was going through so much shit with Billie Joe and I just wanted to lend you some advice, I guess... it was fucking stupid and I'm sorry. You've never been anything but wonderful to me since you've moved out here and I wanted to repay you by trying to make your life easier because I want you to be happy, but I was really just being controlling like usual, you know how I can get." She paused as I smiled at the acknowledgement of her pesky little habit before she continued. "I mean, how could I blame you for finding someone in the music industry when you practically grew up in it." She replied as she started to cough a little. Before she even asked I grabbed for her water and placed it to her lips so she could take another sip.
I rearranged the pillows behind her back and her head as she tried to get comfortable. I settled next to her again.
"Can I tell you something?" She asked.
I nodded. "Of course, you can tell me anything."
She looked down for a moment at our hands intertwined and she smiled. "I always thought... well, I guess I always hoped you would end up with Mike." She whispered as I resisted the urge to roll my eyes playfully.
"You and mom both." I replied as we chuckled a little.
"I guess I never even considered Tre as a love interest... I guess that was another reason why I was so surprised. I had to finally accept that you and Mike would never be together now." She sighed wistfully, but I was pretty sure she was only half serious. Well, I hoped anyway.
"Tre is great." I replied as she looked at me with thoughtful eyes.
"He is great... he just isn't someone I saw you with. Hell, I don't see him with anyone." She joked as I smiled a little.
I felt there was something important that I needed to bring to her attention before we continued on any further. "You hurt his feelings Adrienne." I mumbled, these words seeming to quickly catch her attention. "And you hurt mine too when you made a snide remark about me ending up with the 'likes of him'... he's like family to us... .I just think that was a little harsh." I said, casting my eyes downward as she looked ashamed.
"Jesus, you're right. I never even thought about that until now... I was just so angry at him... and at you. I love him, he's one of Billie Joe's best friends and mine as well... I'll definitely apologize for that."
I nodded as she looked uncomfortable again. "Can I get you something?" I asked as she shook hear head. "No, I'm just going to be in pain for awhile no matter what. Not like I haven't experienced it before, I did give birth to two kids, you know?" She joked as I giggled.
"Oh I remember. You have yet to stop reminding Billie Joe of that when he tells you you're lazy." I bantered back as she laughed and then cringed.
"Ava, stop... no laughing." She requested holding her side as she tried to stop. "One sneeze and my stitches could tear open."
I stopped laughing immediately, my face paling. "YUCK." I mumbled. "That's fucking gross and that's why YOU had two sons, not me." I replied as she grinned. "Wimp."
"Absolutely. I hate blood, stitches, placenta... " I trailed off as she chuckled and then cringed.
"Ava!" she whined. "You promised."
"Ohhh, sorry. My bad." I replied squeezing her hand. "No more laughing."
She regarded me for a moment. "So have you been seeing him still?" She asked quietly.
I shook my head. "We broke it off... I've only seen him once before today and we got into a huge fight and he, well, he dumped my ass... in his driveway." I admitted as she grinned.
"I can't believe someone actually dumped you."
Had she not been lying in a hospital bed I may have slapped her arm, but given the condition she was in I simply settled for giving her a dirty look.
"Why did he dump you?" She asked curiously.
Just the thought of that night in his driveway was enough to throw me into the depths of a well thought out depression, but I tried to remain calm as I shrugged nonchalantly. "He and I have some issues." I replied as she watched me carefully.
"Issues because of me?"
I glanced up at her as she smiled a little. "Hey, I may be on a morphine drip but I'm not stupid."
I nodded my head. "Yeah, partly because of you and partly because I'm an emotional fuckwhit."
She smiled at that. "What does that mean?"
I sighed. "I told him I didn't want to start anything official with him because you and I hadn't cleared the air and I didn't want to... I didn't want to pick him over you again. I wanted to make things right." I explained as she nodded thoughtfully.
"So you used me as an excuse to mask your insecurities?" She responded as I resisted the urge to slap the hand containing her IV.
"Well... yes. But I had noble reasons in wanting to straighten things out with you. He just... damn it, he saw right through me." I mumbled as she reached for my hand again. "Nothing pisses me off more than that."
"He's smart Ava. He may not look it but damn it if he's not perceptive."
I nodded. "Yeah, I know... and that's so attractive." I mumbled as she covered her face with her hands, hiding a smile. "It's so weird, Ava. I can't believe you're in love with Tre. Tre who used to say things to you like 'I'll give you ten bucks if you eat that' and the same Tre who used to pull your hair and call you names and play soccer with you outside. Gah, it's so fucking weird to me." She mumbled as I smiled down at the floor.
"He's also the same Tre who used to chase the monsters out of my room, the same Tre who threatened to beat up Brian Seever when he broke my heart in tenth grade, and he's the same Tre who bothered to take time to get to know me and to actually look for the real me. I don't know... he's just... he's amazing." I explained, feeling a ridiculously large smile creep over my face.
I glanced over at her as she attempted a smile. "Give me some time to get used to this, huh?" She requested as I nodded. "To lay you and Mike to rest." She joked.
I ignored her Mike comment. "I think we'll need some time to work through the current issues we just unearthed anyway." I muttered regretfully. I saw her yawn and I suddenly felt bad for taking up so much time, she must have been exhausted. "BUT, I think I best be going. You look tired and I don't want to be chased out of here by your nurse."
Adrienne's face fell a little but she nodded, "Yeah okay."
I leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I'll send Billie in before I leave and I'll be back first thing in the morning." I promised leaning closer to whisper, "And I'll bring you some real breakfast."
She smiled a little. "Thank you."
I stood with my hip propped against the bed as I felt an incredible surge of happiness and relief wash over me, we were back to normal. "I missed you." I admitted as she reached for my hand again. "I missed you too... I'm sorry I was stubborn. And I'm sorry it took me until today to get over it." She muttered as I shook my head.
"No more apologies, no more regrets. Let's just put this behind us, deal?"
"Deal." She replied, pulling me to her for another hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"I'll see you in the morning." I promised before releasing her and heading for the door.
I paused just outside of the doorway. "I love you."
"Love you too, kid." She replied as I smiled and then headed back towards the lounge to where the three guys sat sprawled out on the orange and green chairs.
Billie Joe stood up immediately and because he was the first one I saw and he was closer to me than Tre or Mike he was on the receiving end of my burst of happiness. I don't think he had time to register what was happening as I pulled him in for a tight hug. I heard him chuckle against my cheek as I squeezed him for good measure.
"So it went well?" He teased sarcastically when I broke apart to hug Mike who had stood up and moved closer to me, opening his arms.
"Good for you, kid." He muttered as I wrapped my arms around his lanky frame.
When I pulled apart from Mike I noticed Tre was still sitting, his eyes trained on me, his expression unreadable. An awkward moment of silence passed over the four of us in the waiting room again. Billie Joe broke the silence as he grabbed for his discarded jacket.
"I'm going to go see if Adi needs anything. Mike you want to pop in and say hello?" Billie Joe asked as Mike nodded, taking the hint and following him towards the door.
"See you two tomorrow." I called as they nodded and Mike made a hand gesture requesting a phone call later on. I smiled as they disappeared back down the hall.
I moved over to stand in front of Tre who was still sitting, just staring up at me.
"How'd it go? Okay?" He asked curiously, shifting into a reclined position as he threw his arm over the back of the chair next to him.
I nodded. "We cleared the air... she told me she thinks it's weird that we love each other, but that'll she adjust, she needs some time." I admitted, feeling my cheeks redden a little. It was still weird to mutter those sacred words out loud... but freeing all at the same time.
He grinned and looked away, biting his lip. Not waiting for an invitation or feeling like I needed one I sat down next to him and tucked my knees up into my chest.
"So what about you? Do you think you'll adjust?" He mumbled as he leaned a little closer to me, the arm that was thrown over my chair moved around my shoulders as he began brushing his thumb over the bare skin of my arm. I turned to him and gave a playful shrug. "I guess."
He grinned in amusement. "You guess? Anything I could do to sway you into a firm yes?"
I pretended to think for a moment as I reached over his lap to grab his other hand, intertwining our fingers before looking back up at him.
"You could kiss me." I whispered quietly, making a mental note to thank his parents for being so genetically sound.
I leaned towards him and was a little more than shocked when he pulled away and stood up instead. He reached his hands out to me and I grabbed them after hesitating for a moment as he pulled me off of my chair.
"Where are we going?" I asked as we waited patiently for the elevators to arrive.
He didn't say anything as we stood side by side in the elevator, my hand tucked securely inside his. When the doors opened we moved across the lobby and through the sliding doors, walking in the direction of the parking lot.
"Tre where are we... " I started to ask again, but he just kept adamantly pulling me through the lines of cars. Finally I recognized his car about two feet away and right before we reached it he turned around and dipped his head, his lips meeting mine. I was mid-step when he decided that it was time for the kissing to commence so I ended up sort of awkwardly falling on him, my foot stomping on his as he cupped my face and kissed me with such intensity I was pretty sure the planets were going to align as my hands scrambled to his broad shoulders to keep from falling over.
He pulled away first, breathing heavily as I righted myself and apologized for stomping on his foot.
"I didn't think it was appropriate to grope you in a hospital waiting room." He explained when I looked up at him curiously. "Although it was tempting."
I grinned. "I guess your momma raised you right then." I joked as he pulled me back against him for another kiss.
I was more than happy to oblige.
Sitting in his car later I couldn't stop grinning, but the reality of our situation moved in quickly on my good mood.
"So you leave again the day after tomorrow." I offered as he thumped his hands against the steering wheel in time to a Duran Duran song. "This is an awful CD by the way."
He ignored my musical insult and nodded his head. "I know, I don't want to go... .you could come with me?" He replied hopefully.
"You know I can't. Adrienne needs me here." I replied quietly.
He nodded, acknowledging my predicament. "I'll see you on the 16th for your parent's party."
I felt my shoulders deflate. "That seems like a year away." I mumbled. "I don't like this three weeks in between seeing each other bullshit."
I saw his arm snake across the console to reach for my hand. "Except this time we don't have any angst or anger for one another. We can call and stuff."
I turned my head to look at him. "I feel like we're constantly stuck in neutral."
He nodded a little. "But today was huge, Ava. You cleared things up with Adrienne, which means you can't blame me for shit being wrong anymore." I reached over and smacked his arm as he laughed. "Today was good."
"I can think of something that would make it marginally better... " I mumbled under my breath.
I did feel good about the day's progress but I knew the bullshit between Tre and I hadn't magically disappeared over night. And although I knew we were taking steps in the right direction I also knew we weren't quite there yet. And we weren't ready.
"So we wait?" I asked, hoping in the back of my mind that he would just make a phone call to their manager and tell him that he wasn't coming to the next tour date because he had to stay in bed with me forever. That he would devote every single waking second to strengthening our relationship. A girl can dream right?
He sighed and squeezed my hand. "We wait."
