You're My Little Secret, chapter 5
April 11th, 2005
"Oh my GOD, you don't know how much I needed that." I mumbled appreciatively as I collapsed against Tre's chest in exhaustion.
His blue eyes twinkled with the compliment. "I'm glad I could please m'lady."
"I'm so stressed out right now I may pull my fucking hair out." I whined as he affectionately brushed pieces of damp hair off my forehead.
"Me too." He agreed stretching languidly and smirking.
"Oh yeah... and just what the hell are you doing that's so stressful?" I questioned leaning over him to retrieve my pack of smokes off the nightstand, wrapping the sheet around me as I went. "You're in the middle of a break from touring."
He sat up a little leaning against the headboard and shrugged, frown lines appearing on his face.
"I hate the downtimes in between touring. I just get used to being home and Frankito is finally happy with me again and then I have to fucking up and leave." He muttered.
I frowned. "I'm sorry, Tre."
He watched me as I took a drag from my cigarette. "What?" I questioned.
"I miss you too, you know." He said quietly leaning over to kiss me softly.
"I know, but at least you're back in the States to tour for a week or two; I can come out for long weekends and such." I replied wagging my eyebrows at him.
"Actually you only have three more weeks until you graduate and then you can come out all summer." He said pulling me into his lap.
I shook my head. "You know I can't do that. I have to work. Plus Adrienne would be suspicious."
His face fell a little. "I thought maybe you could take the summer off, come spend some time with me, Adrienne aside."
"Here and there, yes, I want to come out with Adrienne and the boys when you go overseas in July."
I touched his face when he frowned a little. "Hey, what's up?" I asked putting out my cigarette and giving him my full attention.
"You know we've never really discussed the details of our relationship." He said looking up into my eyes as I felt a sense of entrapment come over me.
I was about to answer him when I heard a knock on the front door followed by Adrienne calling out my name.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD... HIDE!" I half yelled, half whispered trying to untangle myself from the sheets as Tre made a mad dash to get off the bed at the same time. He ended up with an elbow in his lower regions, which only made it that more difficult for him to get off the bed. By this time the panic I was feeling had reached an all time high as Adrienne knocked again, this time louder.
"Where should I hide?" he asked flinching as he lifted his leg to put his boxers back on. "In the guest room?"
"Uhh, go in the closet of the guest bedroom." I demanded pulling my jeans on and searching for some sort of shirt to put on. Without thinking I grabbed Tre's t-shirt off the lampshade where it was tossed aside merely an hour earlier when I basically pulled him out of his car window and dragged him inside.
"AVA, that's MY t-shirt... you can't wear that to greet your SISTER." Tre hissed reaching for the hem of the shirt. "Give it to me."
I giggled at the sight of him; his boxers were inside out, his Mohawk was crushed and his eyes were as wide as saucers as he struggled to pull his t-shirt on.
"CHRIST, go let her in before she gets suspicious!" He said throwing me an old Berkeley sweatshirt that was laying on the floor.
I stumbled to the door, flinching when I glanced in the hallway mirror as I passed it trying to make some sense of my tangled hair and smudged mascara. I definitely looked like I had been having sex and I was definitely in trouble. I pulled open the door and just about died when I saw not only Adrienne but Joey and Jakob standing in front of my door.
"Jesus, what were you doing? You look like you've been dragged behind a car." She chuckled, raising an eyebrow at my disheveled appearance as I motioned for them to come in.
I froze for a moment as I tried to think up something logical. "Cleaning! Yeah, I'm going crazy with stress and whenever I get stressed I, uh, clean." I answered, trying to control the ramblings that threatened to come strolling out of my mouth; a small habit of mine.
She nodded, "Uh huh I see. Well, we were in the neighborhood and I thought I would come by and see if I could borrow that recipe of yours for Better Than SEX cake." She said, emphasizing the word sex with much amusement.
"Uhh, yeah. Let's go into the kitchen and I'll, uh, get that for you." I replied feeling my face turn about seven shades of red. "Umm, boys you can go watch some cartoons if you want." I said. "Remote is on the coffee table."
"Thanks aunt Ava." Joey replied plopping down on the couch with Jakob following suit.
Adrienne and I were heading into the kitchen when we heard a large crash come from the back bedroom where Tre was currently being stowed away. I cringed and hoped to the high powers that Adrienne would believe me when I told her I bought a large iguana named Simon and that was his new home; that was the best I could come up with in that moment anyway.
"Do you have company, sis?" Adrienne teased as I scrambled into the kitchen and made myself busy looking through my cupboards for my recipe book, ignoring the noises coming from the back. I was glad that my back was to her because I closed my eyes in sheer embarrassment and fear, praying that she hadn't seen Tre's SUV parked around the corner and that she wouldn't put the pieces together.
I turned around upon finding my recipe book and held it up. "FOUND IT." I stated just a little too loud because she crossed her arms over her chest, her amusement quite apparent as she grinned some more.
"Good for you." She said encouragingly; although I wasn't sure if she meant for finding the book or for having sex.
I laughed nervously. "Yeah, lemme copy this down for you." I said grabbing a piece of paper and a pen and jotting down the recipe. She leaned against the counter, still smirking, and tapping her pointer finger to her lip like she always did when she was being obnoxiously smug.
"Who is he?" she questioned.
My writing hand shook just a little bit more when she asked that, and I almost passed out from the panic attack that was overtaking my body.
"Umm, who's who? He who?" I asked dumbly standing upright again and handing her the piece of paper.
"Don't be cute, Ava. Your hair looks like a pack of squirrels moved into it and there's something about you that screams 'I just had great sex'. And besides a sister always knows." She said smirking. I felt the urge to laugh when she said that last part, but I was pretty sure I would end up regretting that laugh later on when everything came tumbling down.
"He's just a guy from one of my classes. We were studying and one thing led to another; it was just stress sex, you know, the kind that helps you think more clearly when it's all over, a favor to both of us if you will." I replied with ease and confidence. I realized that these days I almost lied as well to others as I did to myself and that was a scary thought.
Adrienne looked impressed. "I'm glad that you're getting back out there again." She said in an encouraging voice, as though I broke my arm during soccer or something and this was my first game back in.
I nodded. "Yeah, I would bring him out... but you know... " I said shrugging my shoulders.
She waved her hand. "No, I completely understandable. We're taking off anyway."
She winked at me before walking by me and back out into the living room. "Boys we're leaving. Say goodbye to your aunt Ava."
I waved goodbye to them as she pulled open my apartment door and shooed them out before stepping out herself. She paused at the door putting her sunglasses on and smiling at me once again. "Thanks for the recipe, kid. Oh, and next time I'll call before I stop by." She said smirking before closing the door.
I waited a few seconds before walking up to the door and locking it, peering out the peephole to make sure the coast was clear. I walked back into the spare bedroom and opened the closet door glaring down at Tre who was sitting on the floor with several pairs of shoes strewn about him.
He looked none too happy. "How many fucking pairs of shoes do you need?"
I giggled. "Were you trying them on in here or what?" I teased as he climbed out and straightened out his shirt.
He sighed. "Sorry about the noise... did she suspect anything?"
I shook my head. "I told her I was studying with a guy from class and we ended up having stress sex." I explained.
"Is that a concept in college?" he questioned, following me out of the bedroom into the kitchen where I grabbed us two beers.
"I guess. I don't know, during finals I get stressed out and sex is a great way to relieve tension."
He smirked. "And what about the other times when you don't have finals? What do you call that?"
"Fucking." I answered simply.
He nodded and then looked a little apprehensive. "I think I'm going to get going home, spend some time with the little man."
"I thought we were spending some time together today?" I asked, confused at his sudden departure. "I don't have class tomorrow and I don't have any studying to do for once. How about a movie or something? We could take Frankito."
He shrugged. "It doesn't feel right."
"It doesn't feel right? What the fuck does that mean?" I questioned crossing my arms over my chest.
"I don't know, it was a close call today and I just think we should cool it."
"Oh that's super, NOW you grow a conscience. That's great, Tre. Three weeks ago I want to step back and figure shit out and that makes me a rigid bitch, but when you do it I suppose I should congratulate you for being noble and smart. You know what, you're RIGHT you should leave because you're pissing me off." I said slamming my beer down on the counter and heading back into my bedroom.
I started making the bed and I could hear him still shifting around in the kitchen as if he wasn't sure whether he should stay or leave.
I walked back to my bedroom doorway and stood there watching him fidget.
"Lemme make the decision easy, just fucking go." I said before slamming my bedroom door.
This time I heard the front door open and slam behind him.
We needed to take a break.
The next night I called up Sidney and asked if she wanted to go out to some bars sans any obnoxious and predictable male suitors. She eagerly agreed and told me to meet her near her house at a bar that had just opened up. When I arrived she was already perched on a barstool drinking a blue drink out of a big fishbowl glass.
"Hey gorgeous!" she said giving me a quick hug as I sat down next to her and ordered a drink.
"Thanks for coming out with me tonight." I said after we had clinked our glasses together, making a toast to the fact that we pee sitting down.
"I'm glad you called, Ava, I always enjoy hanging out with you." She responded. "But I have a question."
I looked away from a very appealing gentleman sitting down at the other end of the bar and nodded, giving her silent permission to ask me.
"How come you asked just for my company tonight? Seems like whenever we go out it's with Mike or Tre and Adrienne and Billie Joe. What's going on?" she asked curiously.
I shrugged. "I don't know, sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with male bullshit." I offered simply and she seemed pacified by it.
"I gotcha."
We sat in silence for a moment, both drinking and letting our minds become accustomed to the buzzes we were acquiring and the bar noises that circulated around us.
"So let's play catch-up. I've been out of town a lot lately and I haven't chatted with you much. How is school? Are you seeing anyone?" she said awhile later, still working her way through her enormous drink.
I shook my head. "No one exclusively. And school is stressful, but I'm almost done so I'm excited." And because she asked me the relationship question I felt inclined to be polite and do the same for her. "How are you and Mike doing?"
She shrugged. "We're alright. The long distance thing gets old after awhile." She admitted.
I chuckled. "Tell me about. 'Long Distance Blows' seems to be the theme of all the relationships around here."
She laughed too. "I guess you're right. Fuck, I'm sorry; you must get sick of hearing about this from your sister; and you yourself dealing with it too."
I wasn't sure whether she was talking about Jack or Tre but I didn't ask because I wasn't prepared to answer any questions about him tonight so I just shook my head and said, "Don't be. It's unavoidable."
She sighed and pushed her glass away. "Mike is great, you know?" she said. "I just hope we can make this last."
I set my drink down and although it wasn't empty I signaled for another one; I knew this would be a long conversation. And really I only had myself to blame, I initiated the damn thing.
Two hours later Sidney had told me everything about her and Mike's relationship; not bothering to leave out personal details. Mind you I was drunk and I knew we were going to have to pour her into a cab when the night was over, but there are just some things a person needs to keep to themselves. This woman was an open book. I had just lit a cigarette when she went a whole new direction with her ramblings.
"You know, Mike was leery about dating me at first." She said, stumbling a little over her words.
"Why?" I questioned leaning in closer to hear more clearly.
"Because I had slept with Tre first." She simply stated, shrugging her shoulders.
OH, well, this was certainly news to me.
"REALLY?" I said sitting up right again.
"Yeah, a few weeks before Mike asked me out Tre and I got drunk and slept together. You know that Mike and I never really became official until the end of August anyway, right? We had an open relationship from April to mid-August, which meant when we were traveling we could fuck whoever we wanted and not worry about the repercussions. It was rather convenient."
"An open relationship? I never knew." I said not quite being able to picture Mike agreeing to sleep around when he had someone has was serious about; and he was serious about Sidney. "He didn't start traveling again until September after their CD was released though, right?" My mind was reeling from all of this new information and I was having a hard time keeping everything straight in my head.
"Uh huh. It was mostly for me; I requested that clause in our contract." She said giggling a little.
Because I was drunk and because I love Mike with every breath that I take I felt inclined to make a bold statement; rudeness aside. "So you liked whoring around, other people's feelings be damned?" I concluded.
She eyed me for a moment before chuckling. "I wouldn't have used the word 'whoring' but yes I'll admit in the beginning I didn't want to be exclusive because it's hard for me to be faithful when I'm on the road with all of these sexy lawyers... and I didn't want to hurt him, I wanted to be honest with him. So we agreed to have an open relationship; that way if he was ever tempted he could do whatever too. "
"How kind of you; very thoughtful. Everyone won at the end of the day." I said sarcastically raising my beer bottle up in the air as kind of a toast.
"BUT." She began loudly and rather pointedly, "Getting to know him made me realize that I would be a fucking idiot to let him get away, and yeah it's a pain in my ever-loving ass to arrange a time for us to see each other but Jesus he's so worth it." She said dreamily as she stood up rather suddenly and rather unsteadily off her stool, apparently signaling the end of the Mike and Sidney conversation. "I'm going to pee. Will you call Mike and tell him to come get me?"
I nodded and tried not to laugh. "Sure. Don't fall in!" I yelled after her. "If you're not back in ten minutes I'll come for you."
She giggled and stumbled off to the ladies room. I wasn't aware that she planned on having Mike pick her up, but I still planned on taking a cab home. I picked up my cell phone and called Mike who happened to be shooting pool with Tre just down the road at another bar. I wasn't sure I wanted to see Tre after yesterday's debacle, but I knew I couldn't drive myself home and I found some comfort in knowing we didn't have to hide in front of Mike, even if everything wasn't verbally out in the open.
Fifteen minutes later I was holding Sidney up as we stood outside the club and waited for Mike and Tre; this proved to be difficult considering Sidney is about five inches taller than I am. We watched as Mike pulled up first and Tre drove up behind him. They parked and got out, trudging over to us.
"Hey Mike." Sidney slurred as I graciously passed her to him. She slumped against his chest, her knees giving out as she kissed his neck and giggled.
"Wow Sid, no more for you. And don't you have a big case to try tomorrow?" he questioned steadying her in his arms.
"She said nothing about that to me, but she's in big fucking trouble if she does." I said laughing at the state she was in... and because she probably couldn't remember her zip code if you asked her.
Tre stood off to the side having yet to open his mouth, but he kept glancing at me occasionally and fidgeting with his cell phone.
"Alright, I'm going to get Sid home. Thanks for calling for her, I'm glad she didn't try and get home by herself." Mike said picking her up and carrying her over to his passenger side door as she giggled and cooed at him.
I nodded. "Night you two."
Tre stepped closer to me as we watched Mike and Sidney drive off. I glanced over at him briefly and decided I was glad he was here, even if we had a shitty little spat.
"Did you have fun tonight?" he asked looking into my eyes for the first time since he got there.
I nodded. "Sorry to pull you guys away from your evening." I said quietly.
"Nah, we were just drinking some beer and shooting some pool. Nothing important." He answered stepping a little closer and shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Ready to go?" he asked.
I nodded again. He held my door open for me as I climbed into his SUV, waited for me to get settled, and then closed it behind me. He came around to the other side and climbed in next to me, hesitating with putting the key in the ignition.
"How do you want to handle the car situation?" he asked glancing over at me.
I leaned my head back against the headrest and shrugged. "Whatever is easiest for you. You're the one being inconvenienced."
"It's not an inconvenience, Ava." He paused, thinking for a moment. "Umm, my place is closest, you could stay the night and tomorrow I could bring you back for your car." He suggested.
"That's fine." I replied casually as he turned the key in the ignition and we pulled away from the club.
We were about ten feet down the road when I felt the need to rid some of the jumbled thoughts tumbling around in my brain.
"So you slept with Sidney?" I questioned turning in my seat to look at him. I figured I might as well start off with the one I was most curious about.
He swerved a little off the road at my sudden outburst and sighed, looking over at me. "You can't be mad at me for something that happened before you and me. That's asinine." He insisted turning off the radio so we could talk properly.
I shook my head. "No, I'm not mad, actually. I just never knew." I replied and I really was telling the truth; I couldn't be angry at him for something that happened while I was still dating Jack.
"I didn't know Mike liked her, I never would have slept with her had I known that."
I nodded. "You'd never screw Mike over like that." I agreed turning the radio back on, much to his annoyance, and flipping through some of his presets; finally settling on a classic rock station playing The Cure.
"Ava, can I ask you something?" Tre asked glancing over at me.
"Yeah, I'm all yours." I mumbled. "And I'm drunk." I added for the hell of it.
He chuckled. "Well fuck, maybe I should take advantage of you tonight then."
I shrugged. "You can't rape the willing."
He smirked. "No, really. I want to ask you something."
I began fumbling with the radio again when the station went to commercial and I wasn't sure if I was prepared for an "us" talk if that's what he was aiming for. My head felt thick and cloudy and I just wanted food and a bed; none of the complicated bullshit.
"Not like I'm going anywhere." I finally mumbled sarcastically.
I watched in disbelief when he gently slapped my hand away from the dashboard and turned the radio off all together. "That's just fucking rude." I whined crossing my arms over my chest.
He rolled his eyes. "Are you sleeping with other people?" he asked ignoring my whining.
I was slightly irritated, not necessarily with the question but with the fact that we could never seem to be on the same page at the same time. When I wanted to be serious he didn't, and when he finally wanted to have a chat six months into our little affair I'm drunk and grumpy.
"Does it make a difference to you either way?" I asked stubbornly, glancing out the window.
He sighed and shifted a little in his seat, apparently unhappy with my answer. The car was painfully quiet without the sound of the radio or our voices echoing through it.
"Are you still mad at me about yesterday?" he asked quietly.
I shook my head but I didn't bother to look at him. "I have nothing to be mad at you about. I just get frustrated with the whole situation and because you're the only person who fucking knows about it I have to bitch at you."
"How fortunate for me." He muttered.
For that comment I turned to face him with a glare. "You're not exactly a fucking picnic in the park sometimes yourself."
"I never said I was." He replied calmly. "Are you going to answer my question?"
"First I want to know why it makes any difference to you." I responded crossing my arms over my chest and fixing my gaze on him.
He switched driving hands and glanced over at me. "I'm not sleeping with anyone else. I mean, I haven't since we started." He admitted, quietly.
I was very surprised; not only at his confession but his unnecessary loyalty and I guess I didn't do a very good job of hiding it.
"Why are you so surprised?" He asked when he looked over and saw the look of shock on my face.
"I don't know; there were some big gaps between seeing each other, I just didn't think you could hold out." I replied, feeling rather impressed with the man sitting next to me.
He shrugged. "Seemed like when we weren't together I was on the phone with you or at least trying to figure out how I was going to fucking call you without everyone else listening in."
"Sorry I was being a bitch earlier... and just a few seconds ago." I blurted out for no damn good reason; just needed to get it out there.
He chuckled. "S'okay. Everything was a little fucked up earlier."
"And no, I haven't slept with anyone else since October either."
He was quiet for a moment. "So I guess we're kind of together then, unofficially."
I sighed. "Tre don't do that, it just makes it that much harder."
"Do what?" he asked.
"Label us."
"I'm just trying to figure this out, Ava. Six months is a long time for both of us only to be sleeping with each other, but not fucking calling it anything. What a fucking waste." He growled in frustration.
I leaned my head back against my seat and watched as rain began hitting the windshield. "I wish things were simpler like they used to be."
September 23rd, 2004
"I'm sorry about Jack." Mike said quietly as we were stood in line at the movie theatre waiting to buy tickets.
I sighed and linked my arm through his resting my cheek against his arm.
"Nothing to be sorry about, Mikey. It's for the best that it's over." I mumbled.
I had this all very well rehearsed considering every person in my address book had called to offer their apologies and their 'get back out theres'. Plus it felt nice trying to convince my tricky mind that it was in fact alright that it was over.
"Hey." He said placing a finger under my chin and lifting my face up to look at him. "You don't have to pretend in front of me. You've seen me go through two divorces and countless break-ups. It fucking sucks."
I nodded. "I'm not really pretending... my mind has just sort of shut down for the time being. It only happened a month ago... classes have started again... the craziness has started up for you guys, congratulations by the way, and I just need time to process everything. I'll be alright." I said.
"I know." He replied. "You're one tough bitch."
We settled down in our seats in the back corner of the theatre and were content to share a large tub of popcorn and an even larger diet coke.
"I'm glad you're my date for tonight; I couldn't ask for better company." I said through a mouthful of milk duds.
He chuckled. "My what lovely teeth you have." He joked before leaning over and kissing my forehead. "Ditto kid, I love spending time with you too."
"I just wish Adrienne would step off a bit, she's worse than our mother." I admitted handing him a napkin and putting two straws in our enormous cup.
"She's just looking out for you, and I think she is also trying to repay you for all that you did for her this past summer." He replied putting a handful of popcorn in his mouth.
I nodded. "I guess I never thought of it that way. I'm just glad they worked it out. They deserve to be happy together."
Mike nodded in agreement. "Absolutely."
"I'm also glad Adrienne dragged me out here for a long weekend, I love seeing you guys perform your new stuff, which fucking rocks by the way. I know you gave me a preview of it this summer in the studio, but seeing you guys sing it live is the best."
He grinned. "Yeah, thanks. Actually, thank Billie Joe."
I chuckled. "Nah, he has a big enough head as it is. Where would he put all of that extra hair he would need to grow to keep it looking awesome?" I wondered out loud sarcastically.
"Ava... " Mike said shooting me a warning look.
I grinned sheepishly. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry. He and I are getting along again; I just can't help making fun of his fucking hair. I replied. "His precious." I said imitating Gollum from 'Lord of the Rings' while stroking my own hair slowly and rocking back in forth in my chair.
Mike laughed and shot me another look but we quickly settled down when the previews began rolling. I loved being on the road with these guys because I could block out everything else happening in my life and just sort of get swept up in their chaos and crazy schedules. And sometimes that's just what I needed to do.
I was standing in my hotel room a few nights later trying to shove everything back into my suitcase when there was a knock at my door. I tried one last time, in vain, to zip the damn thing, but just ended up kicking it to the floor in defeat. I stumbled to the door, brushing my bangs off my face and cursing.
"Yeah?" I said throwing the door open.
Tre's playful eyes stared back at me. "Were you raised in a barn? No one answers their door like that." He teased, moving past me into my room and plopping on my bed.
"I'm trying to pack. Cripes, can't you people stay just two nights in one city? I'm sick of packing already." I complained. I moved some shirts off my bed and sat down next to him.
"What's up?" I asked.
"I'm eating trail mix." He responded holding up his bag triumphantly; smiling and exposing the mound of chewed food in his mouth.
"How fucking wonderful for you, what does that have to do with me?" I asked leaning in and helping myself to a handful.
"WELL, I was wondering... do I have bad breath?" he said bringing his face inches from mine and exhaling loudly, sending pieces of raisins and peanuts on my face and down the front of my t-shirt.
"TRE, yuck!" I squealed, shoving his chest with my hands. "That's so gross!"
"Come ON, I need to know! HELP ME!" he said grabbing my wrists and bringing me closer to him again. I held my face away, complaining loudly. "TRE! I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T GET OFF OF ME I'LL HARM YOUR EXISTING NUT!"
In one fluent motion he straddled my hips; the impact of his weight causing me to lose my balance and both of us to tumble onto the floor. The trail mix ended up flying everywhere; my hair, the floor, under the bed.
He was laughing so hard he started choking, which also was very alarming considering he was hovering over me, threatening to spray me again with the recycled food in his mouth.
"I feel NO sympathy for you!" I yelled pushing at him. He was still sitting on me, preventing me from getting up.
Finally he gained his composure, his face red from the choking and the laughing fit he brought upon himself. I shoved at his chest again, shooing him away from me. He finally complied, letting me up.
"Yum, melted M&M's." I complained, peeling the semi-melted candy off the back of my shirt.
"You could have saved yourself the trouble and just answered my question." He said, scooping some of the trail mix off the floor and shoving it into his mouth. I watched him plow through the floor ridden candy like a beaver, wondering why in hell's name I found him so unexplainably attractive. There certainly was no one like him in the world, that's for sure.
He caught me looking at him and stopped mid-chew to mumble, "What?"
"Nothing. I was actually wondering how you dress yourself in the morning because you certainly couldn't be considered a fully functioning adult." I answered. "Does someone come in and help you?"
He looked amused. "So you were thinking of me naked?"
I pretended to gag for a minute. "Tre, I have a sensitive stomach, please spare me."
"You want this sexy body?" He said impersonating Fat Bastard.
He looked so absurd running his hands over his wrinkled shirt I couldn't help but chuckle.
"What are the plans for tonight? Are we hitting some bars?" I asked after gaining my composure and the food had been cleaned up.
"I don't know. Haven't you talked to Adrienne?" He answered while scanning the room.
"Well, I figured her and Billie Joe would stay in with the boys, but that maybe me, you and Mike could go out... .what are you looking for?" I finally asked impatiently as he was still searching my room with his eyes.
"Your TV remote! I wanted to watch some cartoons." He answered.
I rolled my eyes and walked over to the nightstand. "Here."
He grabbed it from me before jumping on the bed. Lying on his stomach he changed the channel to Cartoon Network. "Adult Swim is on. Wanna watch Harvey Birdman with me?" he said patting the spot next to him.
I smiled a little. I wanted to go out and have a few drinks before we all flew home in the morning, but a night in with Tre watching cartoons sounded like fun too.
"I guess, but just until something better comes along." I replied laying down next to him on my stomach. "When is Family Guy on?" I asked.
"In a couple hours." He replied, nudging me with his shoulder. "You kind of smell like melted chocolate."
I shot him a dirty look as he started chanting, "Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka... "
"Shhhh, we're missing the show." I responded kicking him with my foot.
He winked at me and then turned his attention back to the television. I love when he winks at me; it's a guilty pleasure of mine. For a brief moment I was distracted from feeling sorry for myself for once again being single.
****
I shook myself from my flashback realizing that we had arrived at Tre's house.
"You awake?" he asked softly taking the keys out of the ignition and unbuckling his seatbelt.
I wiped my eyes and yawned. "Yeah, I must have dozed off." I replied. "Sorry."
I followed him into the house, holding on to the back of his shirt as he led me through the dark and up the stairs into his room. He quietly shut the door behind me.
"Do you want a t-shirt or something?" he asked as he disappeared into his closet.
"Yeah, that'll be good, thanks." I replied.
For some reason it felt like we had traveled back in time and this was some sort of platonic arrangement; I had gotten drunk and Tre offered to let me crash at his place, no funny business happening here. And for some reason that made me feel sad. When he still hadn't come out of his closet I wandered over and glanced into the small room. He had his back turned to me as he took of his shirt and shoes. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, planting small kisses in the middle of his back. I think my action surprised him because he jumped a little.
"Hey." He whispered covering my hands with his own.
"Miss you." I simply said pressing my cheek against his warm back and sighing.
He carefully turned around in my arms and looked down at me with a confused expression. "What do you mean?" he asked removing my arms from around his waist and lifting my shirt over my head. I shivered in the cool air and quickly wrapped my arms around him again.
I felt him wrap his strong arms around me as I said, "I don't like where we are right now." I wasn't sure I even knew what I was talking about and I knew he wasn't sure either.
"We don't have to stand in the closet." He joked kissing the top of my head.
I giggled a little. "Let's just go to bed."
He moved his hands down the small of my back and cupped my ass, lifting me up to wrap my legs around his waist. I kissed his neck a little and I felt him shiver as he carried me over to the bed. He placed one knee on it as he pulled back the comforter and the sheet and gently laid me down on the pillows. I watched him hover above me as he moved his hands down to my jeans unbuckling my belt and undoing the button and the zipper. I lifted my ass off the bed and smiled sweetly at him as he pulled my jeans off and threw them on the floor.
"Come here." I said hooking my finger at him. He placed his hands on either side of my torso as he leaned down to give me a soft kiss. He didn't expect me to grab on to the top of his jeans and pull him on top of me because he chuckled when he ended up crashing against me in a rough kiss. I wrapped my legs around his waist, loving the feel of my bare legs rubbing against his jean clad ones. I heard him moan a little when I started to grind against him, but before we could really get going he pulled away, hovering over me as he touched my face.
"Not tonight, ok?" he whispered. "I don't want to ruin this."
I was a little disappointed but I understood. After our conversation in the car I knew he didn't want to make right by having sex and forgetting about it; he wanted to make it right by finishing the conversation.
"I understand." I mumbled kissing him one last time before he rolled over and turned off the light.
I shivered at the break in contact and slid closer to him under the covers as he took off his jeans and got comfortable under the blankets. I touched his arm as he shifted on his side and pulled my back against his stomach wrapping his arms around me and burying his face into my hair.
"Night." I whispered kissing his hands.
"Night, Ava." He whispered back.
"Oh my GOD, you don't know how much I needed that." I mumbled appreciatively as I collapsed against Tre's chest in exhaustion.
His blue eyes twinkled with the compliment. "I'm glad I could please m'lady."
"I'm so stressed out right now I may pull my fucking hair out." I whined as he affectionately brushed pieces of damp hair off my forehead.
"Me too." He agreed stretching languidly and smirking.
"Oh yeah... and just what the hell are you doing that's so stressful?" I questioned leaning over him to retrieve my pack of smokes off the nightstand, wrapping the sheet around me as I went. "You're in the middle of a break from touring."
He sat up a little leaning against the headboard and shrugged, frown lines appearing on his face.
"I hate the downtimes in between touring. I just get used to being home and Frankito is finally happy with me again and then I have to fucking up and leave." He muttered.
I frowned. "I'm sorry, Tre."
He watched me as I took a drag from my cigarette. "What?" I questioned.
"I miss you too, you know." He said quietly leaning over to kiss me softly.
"I know, but at least you're back in the States to tour for a week or two; I can come out for long weekends and such." I replied wagging my eyebrows at him.
"Actually you only have three more weeks until you graduate and then you can come out all summer." He said pulling me into his lap.
I shook my head. "You know I can't do that. I have to work. Plus Adrienne would be suspicious."
His face fell a little. "I thought maybe you could take the summer off, come spend some time with me, Adrienne aside."
"Here and there, yes, I want to come out with Adrienne and the boys when you go overseas in July."
I touched his face when he frowned a little. "Hey, what's up?" I asked putting out my cigarette and giving him my full attention.
"You know we've never really discussed the details of our relationship." He said looking up into my eyes as I felt a sense of entrapment come over me.
I was about to answer him when I heard a knock on the front door followed by Adrienne calling out my name.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD... HIDE!" I half yelled, half whispered trying to untangle myself from the sheets as Tre made a mad dash to get off the bed at the same time. He ended up with an elbow in his lower regions, which only made it that more difficult for him to get off the bed. By this time the panic I was feeling had reached an all time high as Adrienne knocked again, this time louder.
"Where should I hide?" he asked flinching as he lifted his leg to put his boxers back on. "In the guest room?"
"Uhh, go in the closet of the guest bedroom." I demanded pulling my jeans on and searching for some sort of shirt to put on. Without thinking I grabbed Tre's t-shirt off the lampshade where it was tossed aside merely an hour earlier when I basically pulled him out of his car window and dragged him inside.
"AVA, that's MY t-shirt... you can't wear that to greet your SISTER." Tre hissed reaching for the hem of the shirt. "Give it to me."
I giggled at the sight of him; his boxers were inside out, his Mohawk was crushed and his eyes were as wide as saucers as he struggled to pull his t-shirt on.
"CHRIST, go let her in before she gets suspicious!" He said throwing me an old Berkeley sweatshirt that was laying on the floor.
I stumbled to the door, flinching when I glanced in the hallway mirror as I passed it trying to make some sense of my tangled hair and smudged mascara. I definitely looked like I had been having sex and I was definitely in trouble. I pulled open the door and just about died when I saw not only Adrienne but Joey and Jakob standing in front of my door.
"Jesus, what were you doing? You look like you've been dragged behind a car." She chuckled, raising an eyebrow at my disheveled appearance as I motioned for them to come in.
I froze for a moment as I tried to think up something logical. "Cleaning! Yeah, I'm going crazy with stress and whenever I get stressed I, uh, clean." I answered, trying to control the ramblings that threatened to come strolling out of my mouth; a small habit of mine.
She nodded, "Uh huh I see. Well, we were in the neighborhood and I thought I would come by and see if I could borrow that recipe of yours for Better Than SEX cake." She said, emphasizing the word sex with much amusement.
"Uhh, yeah. Let's go into the kitchen and I'll, uh, get that for you." I replied feeling my face turn about seven shades of red. "Umm, boys you can go watch some cartoons if you want." I said. "Remote is on the coffee table."
"Thanks aunt Ava." Joey replied plopping down on the couch with Jakob following suit.
Adrienne and I were heading into the kitchen when we heard a large crash come from the back bedroom where Tre was currently being stowed away. I cringed and hoped to the high powers that Adrienne would believe me when I told her I bought a large iguana named Simon and that was his new home; that was the best I could come up with in that moment anyway.
"Do you have company, sis?" Adrienne teased as I scrambled into the kitchen and made myself busy looking through my cupboards for my recipe book, ignoring the noises coming from the back. I was glad that my back was to her because I closed my eyes in sheer embarrassment and fear, praying that she hadn't seen Tre's SUV parked around the corner and that she wouldn't put the pieces together.
I turned around upon finding my recipe book and held it up. "FOUND IT." I stated just a little too loud because she crossed her arms over her chest, her amusement quite apparent as she grinned some more.
"Good for you." She said encouragingly; although I wasn't sure if she meant for finding the book or for having sex.
I laughed nervously. "Yeah, lemme copy this down for you." I said grabbing a piece of paper and a pen and jotting down the recipe. She leaned against the counter, still smirking, and tapping her pointer finger to her lip like she always did when she was being obnoxiously smug.
"Who is he?" she questioned.
My writing hand shook just a little bit more when she asked that, and I almost passed out from the panic attack that was overtaking my body.
"Umm, who's who? He who?" I asked dumbly standing upright again and handing her the piece of paper.
"Don't be cute, Ava. Your hair looks like a pack of squirrels moved into it and there's something about you that screams 'I just had great sex'. And besides a sister always knows." She said smirking. I felt the urge to laugh when she said that last part, but I was pretty sure I would end up regretting that laugh later on when everything came tumbling down.
"He's just a guy from one of my classes. We were studying and one thing led to another; it was just stress sex, you know, the kind that helps you think more clearly when it's all over, a favor to both of us if you will." I replied with ease and confidence. I realized that these days I almost lied as well to others as I did to myself and that was a scary thought.
Adrienne looked impressed. "I'm glad that you're getting back out there again." She said in an encouraging voice, as though I broke my arm during soccer or something and this was my first game back in.
I nodded. "Yeah, I would bring him out... but you know... " I said shrugging my shoulders.
She waved her hand. "No, I completely understandable. We're taking off anyway."
She winked at me before walking by me and back out into the living room. "Boys we're leaving. Say goodbye to your aunt Ava."
I waved goodbye to them as she pulled open my apartment door and shooed them out before stepping out herself. She paused at the door putting her sunglasses on and smiling at me once again. "Thanks for the recipe, kid. Oh, and next time I'll call before I stop by." She said smirking before closing the door.
I waited a few seconds before walking up to the door and locking it, peering out the peephole to make sure the coast was clear. I walked back into the spare bedroom and opened the closet door glaring down at Tre who was sitting on the floor with several pairs of shoes strewn about him.
He looked none too happy. "How many fucking pairs of shoes do you need?"
I giggled. "Were you trying them on in here or what?" I teased as he climbed out and straightened out his shirt.
He sighed. "Sorry about the noise... did she suspect anything?"
I shook my head. "I told her I was studying with a guy from class and we ended up having stress sex." I explained.
"Is that a concept in college?" he questioned, following me out of the bedroom into the kitchen where I grabbed us two beers.
"I guess. I don't know, during finals I get stressed out and sex is a great way to relieve tension."
He smirked. "And what about the other times when you don't have finals? What do you call that?"
"Fucking." I answered simply.
He nodded and then looked a little apprehensive. "I think I'm going to get going home, spend some time with the little man."
"I thought we were spending some time together today?" I asked, confused at his sudden departure. "I don't have class tomorrow and I don't have any studying to do for once. How about a movie or something? We could take Frankito."
He shrugged. "It doesn't feel right."
"It doesn't feel right? What the fuck does that mean?" I questioned crossing my arms over my chest.
"I don't know, it was a close call today and I just think we should cool it."
"Oh that's super, NOW you grow a conscience. That's great, Tre. Three weeks ago I want to step back and figure shit out and that makes me a rigid bitch, but when you do it I suppose I should congratulate you for being noble and smart. You know what, you're RIGHT you should leave because you're pissing me off." I said slamming my beer down on the counter and heading back into my bedroom.
I started making the bed and I could hear him still shifting around in the kitchen as if he wasn't sure whether he should stay or leave.
I walked back to my bedroom doorway and stood there watching him fidget.
"Lemme make the decision easy, just fucking go." I said before slamming my bedroom door.
This time I heard the front door open and slam behind him.
We needed to take a break.
The next night I called up Sidney and asked if she wanted to go out to some bars sans any obnoxious and predictable male suitors. She eagerly agreed and told me to meet her near her house at a bar that had just opened up. When I arrived she was already perched on a barstool drinking a blue drink out of a big fishbowl glass.
"Hey gorgeous!" she said giving me a quick hug as I sat down next to her and ordered a drink.
"Thanks for coming out with me tonight." I said after we had clinked our glasses together, making a toast to the fact that we pee sitting down.
"I'm glad you called, Ava, I always enjoy hanging out with you." She responded. "But I have a question."
I looked away from a very appealing gentleman sitting down at the other end of the bar and nodded, giving her silent permission to ask me.
"How come you asked just for my company tonight? Seems like whenever we go out it's with Mike or Tre and Adrienne and Billie Joe. What's going on?" she asked curiously.
I shrugged. "I don't know, sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with male bullshit." I offered simply and she seemed pacified by it.
"I gotcha."
We sat in silence for a moment, both drinking and letting our minds become accustomed to the buzzes we were acquiring and the bar noises that circulated around us.
"So let's play catch-up. I've been out of town a lot lately and I haven't chatted with you much. How is school? Are you seeing anyone?" she said awhile later, still working her way through her enormous drink.
I shook my head. "No one exclusively. And school is stressful, but I'm almost done so I'm excited." And because she asked me the relationship question I felt inclined to be polite and do the same for her. "How are you and Mike doing?"
She shrugged. "We're alright. The long distance thing gets old after awhile." She admitted.
I chuckled. "Tell me about. 'Long Distance Blows' seems to be the theme of all the relationships around here."
She laughed too. "I guess you're right. Fuck, I'm sorry; you must get sick of hearing about this from your sister; and you yourself dealing with it too."
I wasn't sure whether she was talking about Jack or Tre but I didn't ask because I wasn't prepared to answer any questions about him tonight so I just shook my head and said, "Don't be. It's unavoidable."
She sighed and pushed her glass away. "Mike is great, you know?" she said. "I just hope we can make this last."
I set my drink down and although it wasn't empty I signaled for another one; I knew this would be a long conversation. And really I only had myself to blame, I initiated the damn thing.
Two hours later Sidney had told me everything about her and Mike's relationship; not bothering to leave out personal details. Mind you I was drunk and I knew we were going to have to pour her into a cab when the night was over, but there are just some things a person needs to keep to themselves. This woman was an open book. I had just lit a cigarette when she went a whole new direction with her ramblings.
"You know, Mike was leery about dating me at first." She said, stumbling a little over her words.
"Why?" I questioned leaning in closer to hear more clearly.
"Because I had slept with Tre first." She simply stated, shrugging her shoulders.
OH, well, this was certainly news to me.
"REALLY?" I said sitting up right again.
"Yeah, a few weeks before Mike asked me out Tre and I got drunk and slept together. You know that Mike and I never really became official until the end of August anyway, right? We had an open relationship from April to mid-August, which meant when we were traveling we could fuck whoever we wanted and not worry about the repercussions. It was rather convenient."
"An open relationship? I never knew." I said not quite being able to picture Mike agreeing to sleep around when he had someone has was serious about; and he was serious about Sidney. "He didn't start traveling again until September after their CD was released though, right?" My mind was reeling from all of this new information and I was having a hard time keeping everything straight in my head.
"Uh huh. It was mostly for me; I requested that clause in our contract." She said giggling a little.
Because I was drunk and because I love Mike with every breath that I take I felt inclined to make a bold statement; rudeness aside. "So you liked whoring around, other people's feelings be damned?" I concluded.
She eyed me for a moment before chuckling. "I wouldn't have used the word 'whoring' but yes I'll admit in the beginning I didn't want to be exclusive because it's hard for me to be faithful when I'm on the road with all of these sexy lawyers... and I didn't want to hurt him, I wanted to be honest with him. So we agreed to have an open relationship; that way if he was ever tempted he could do whatever too. "
"How kind of you; very thoughtful. Everyone won at the end of the day." I said sarcastically raising my beer bottle up in the air as kind of a toast.
"BUT." She began loudly and rather pointedly, "Getting to know him made me realize that I would be a fucking idiot to let him get away, and yeah it's a pain in my ever-loving ass to arrange a time for us to see each other but Jesus he's so worth it." She said dreamily as she stood up rather suddenly and rather unsteadily off her stool, apparently signaling the end of the Mike and Sidney conversation. "I'm going to pee. Will you call Mike and tell him to come get me?"
I nodded and tried not to laugh. "Sure. Don't fall in!" I yelled after her. "If you're not back in ten minutes I'll come for you."
She giggled and stumbled off to the ladies room. I wasn't aware that she planned on having Mike pick her up, but I still planned on taking a cab home. I picked up my cell phone and called Mike who happened to be shooting pool with Tre just down the road at another bar. I wasn't sure I wanted to see Tre after yesterday's debacle, but I knew I couldn't drive myself home and I found some comfort in knowing we didn't have to hide in front of Mike, even if everything wasn't verbally out in the open.
Fifteen minutes later I was holding Sidney up as we stood outside the club and waited for Mike and Tre; this proved to be difficult considering Sidney is about five inches taller than I am. We watched as Mike pulled up first and Tre drove up behind him. They parked and got out, trudging over to us.
"Hey Mike." Sidney slurred as I graciously passed her to him. She slumped against his chest, her knees giving out as she kissed his neck and giggled.
"Wow Sid, no more for you. And don't you have a big case to try tomorrow?" he questioned steadying her in his arms.
"She said nothing about that to me, but she's in big fucking trouble if she does." I said laughing at the state she was in... and because she probably couldn't remember her zip code if you asked her.
Tre stood off to the side having yet to open his mouth, but he kept glancing at me occasionally and fidgeting with his cell phone.
"Alright, I'm going to get Sid home. Thanks for calling for her, I'm glad she didn't try and get home by herself." Mike said picking her up and carrying her over to his passenger side door as she giggled and cooed at him.
I nodded. "Night you two."
Tre stepped closer to me as we watched Mike and Sidney drive off. I glanced over at him briefly and decided I was glad he was here, even if we had a shitty little spat.
"Did you have fun tonight?" he asked looking into my eyes for the first time since he got there.
I nodded. "Sorry to pull you guys away from your evening." I said quietly.
"Nah, we were just drinking some beer and shooting some pool. Nothing important." He answered stepping a little closer and shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Ready to go?" he asked.
I nodded again. He held my door open for me as I climbed into his SUV, waited for me to get settled, and then closed it behind me. He came around to the other side and climbed in next to me, hesitating with putting the key in the ignition.
"How do you want to handle the car situation?" he asked glancing over at me.
I leaned my head back against the headrest and shrugged. "Whatever is easiest for you. You're the one being inconvenienced."
"It's not an inconvenience, Ava." He paused, thinking for a moment. "Umm, my place is closest, you could stay the night and tomorrow I could bring you back for your car." He suggested.
"That's fine." I replied casually as he turned the key in the ignition and we pulled away from the club.
We were about ten feet down the road when I felt the need to rid some of the jumbled thoughts tumbling around in my brain.
"So you slept with Sidney?" I questioned turning in my seat to look at him. I figured I might as well start off with the one I was most curious about.
He swerved a little off the road at my sudden outburst and sighed, looking over at me. "You can't be mad at me for something that happened before you and me. That's asinine." He insisted turning off the radio so we could talk properly.
I shook my head. "No, I'm not mad, actually. I just never knew." I replied and I really was telling the truth; I couldn't be angry at him for something that happened while I was still dating Jack.
"I didn't know Mike liked her, I never would have slept with her had I known that."
I nodded. "You'd never screw Mike over like that." I agreed turning the radio back on, much to his annoyance, and flipping through some of his presets; finally settling on a classic rock station playing The Cure.
"Ava, can I ask you something?" Tre asked glancing over at me.
"Yeah, I'm all yours." I mumbled. "And I'm drunk." I added for the hell of it.
He chuckled. "Well fuck, maybe I should take advantage of you tonight then."
I shrugged. "You can't rape the willing."
He smirked. "No, really. I want to ask you something."
I began fumbling with the radio again when the station went to commercial and I wasn't sure if I was prepared for an "us" talk if that's what he was aiming for. My head felt thick and cloudy and I just wanted food and a bed; none of the complicated bullshit.
"Not like I'm going anywhere." I finally mumbled sarcastically.
I watched in disbelief when he gently slapped my hand away from the dashboard and turned the radio off all together. "That's just fucking rude." I whined crossing my arms over my chest.
He rolled his eyes. "Are you sleeping with other people?" he asked ignoring my whining.
I was slightly irritated, not necessarily with the question but with the fact that we could never seem to be on the same page at the same time. When I wanted to be serious he didn't, and when he finally wanted to have a chat six months into our little affair I'm drunk and grumpy.
"Does it make a difference to you either way?" I asked stubbornly, glancing out the window.
He sighed and shifted a little in his seat, apparently unhappy with my answer. The car was painfully quiet without the sound of the radio or our voices echoing through it.
"Are you still mad at me about yesterday?" he asked quietly.
I shook my head but I didn't bother to look at him. "I have nothing to be mad at you about. I just get frustrated with the whole situation and because you're the only person who fucking knows about it I have to bitch at you."
"How fortunate for me." He muttered.
For that comment I turned to face him with a glare. "You're not exactly a fucking picnic in the park sometimes yourself."
"I never said I was." He replied calmly. "Are you going to answer my question?"
"First I want to know why it makes any difference to you." I responded crossing my arms over my chest and fixing my gaze on him.
He switched driving hands and glanced over at me. "I'm not sleeping with anyone else. I mean, I haven't since we started." He admitted, quietly.
I was very surprised; not only at his confession but his unnecessary loyalty and I guess I didn't do a very good job of hiding it.
"Why are you so surprised?" He asked when he looked over and saw the look of shock on my face.
"I don't know; there were some big gaps between seeing each other, I just didn't think you could hold out." I replied, feeling rather impressed with the man sitting next to me.
He shrugged. "Seemed like when we weren't together I was on the phone with you or at least trying to figure out how I was going to fucking call you without everyone else listening in."
"Sorry I was being a bitch earlier... and just a few seconds ago." I blurted out for no damn good reason; just needed to get it out there.
He chuckled. "S'okay. Everything was a little fucked up earlier."
"And no, I haven't slept with anyone else since October either."
He was quiet for a moment. "So I guess we're kind of together then, unofficially."
I sighed. "Tre don't do that, it just makes it that much harder."
"Do what?" he asked.
"Label us."
"I'm just trying to figure this out, Ava. Six months is a long time for both of us only to be sleeping with each other, but not fucking calling it anything. What a fucking waste." He growled in frustration.
I leaned my head back against my seat and watched as rain began hitting the windshield. "I wish things were simpler like they used to be."
September 23rd, 2004
"I'm sorry about Jack." Mike said quietly as we were stood in line at the movie theatre waiting to buy tickets.
I sighed and linked my arm through his resting my cheek against his arm.
"Nothing to be sorry about, Mikey. It's for the best that it's over." I mumbled.
I had this all very well rehearsed considering every person in my address book had called to offer their apologies and their 'get back out theres'. Plus it felt nice trying to convince my tricky mind that it was in fact alright that it was over.
"Hey." He said placing a finger under my chin and lifting my face up to look at him. "You don't have to pretend in front of me. You've seen me go through two divorces and countless break-ups. It fucking sucks."
I nodded. "I'm not really pretending... my mind has just sort of shut down for the time being. It only happened a month ago... classes have started again... the craziness has started up for you guys, congratulations by the way, and I just need time to process everything. I'll be alright." I said.
"I know." He replied. "You're one tough bitch."
We settled down in our seats in the back corner of the theatre and were content to share a large tub of popcorn and an even larger diet coke.
"I'm glad you're my date for tonight; I couldn't ask for better company." I said through a mouthful of milk duds.
He chuckled. "My what lovely teeth you have." He joked before leaning over and kissing my forehead. "Ditto kid, I love spending time with you too."
"I just wish Adrienne would step off a bit, she's worse than our mother." I admitted handing him a napkin and putting two straws in our enormous cup.
"She's just looking out for you, and I think she is also trying to repay you for all that you did for her this past summer." He replied putting a handful of popcorn in his mouth.
I nodded. "I guess I never thought of it that way. I'm just glad they worked it out. They deserve to be happy together."
Mike nodded in agreement. "Absolutely."
"I'm also glad Adrienne dragged me out here for a long weekend, I love seeing you guys perform your new stuff, which fucking rocks by the way. I know you gave me a preview of it this summer in the studio, but seeing you guys sing it live is the best."
He grinned. "Yeah, thanks. Actually, thank Billie Joe."
I chuckled. "Nah, he has a big enough head as it is. Where would he put all of that extra hair he would need to grow to keep it looking awesome?" I wondered out loud sarcastically.
"Ava... " Mike said shooting me a warning look.
I grinned sheepishly. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry. He and I are getting along again; I just can't help making fun of his fucking hair. I replied. "His precious." I said imitating Gollum from 'Lord of the Rings' while stroking my own hair slowly and rocking back in forth in my chair.
Mike laughed and shot me another look but we quickly settled down when the previews began rolling. I loved being on the road with these guys because I could block out everything else happening in my life and just sort of get swept up in their chaos and crazy schedules. And sometimes that's just what I needed to do.
I was standing in my hotel room a few nights later trying to shove everything back into my suitcase when there was a knock at my door. I tried one last time, in vain, to zip the damn thing, but just ended up kicking it to the floor in defeat. I stumbled to the door, brushing my bangs off my face and cursing.
"Yeah?" I said throwing the door open.
Tre's playful eyes stared back at me. "Were you raised in a barn? No one answers their door like that." He teased, moving past me into my room and plopping on my bed.
"I'm trying to pack. Cripes, can't you people stay just two nights in one city? I'm sick of packing already." I complained. I moved some shirts off my bed and sat down next to him.
"What's up?" I asked.
"I'm eating trail mix." He responded holding up his bag triumphantly; smiling and exposing the mound of chewed food in his mouth.
"How fucking wonderful for you, what does that have to do with me?" I asked leaning in and helping myself to a handful.
"WELL, I was wondering... do I have bad breath?" he said bringing his face inches from mine and exhaling loudly, sending pieces of raisins and peanuts on my face and down the front of my t-shirt.
"TRE, yuck!" I squealed, shoving his chest with my hands. "That's so gross!"
"Come ON, I need to know! HELP ME!" he said grabbing my wrists and bringing me closer to him again. I held my face away, complaining loudly. "TRE! I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T GET OFF OF ME I'LL HARM YOUR EXISTING NUT!"
In one fluent motion he straddled my hips; the impact of his weight causing me to lose my balance and both of us to tumble onto the floor. The trail mix ended up flying everywhere; my hair, the floor, under the bed.
He was laughing so hard he started choking, which also was very alarming considering he was hovering over me, threatening to spray me again with the recycled food in his mouth.
"I feel NO sympathy for you!" I yelled pushing at him. He was still sitting on me, preventing me from getting up.
Finally he gained his composure, his face red from the choking and the laughing fit he brought upon himself. I shoved at his chest again, shooing him away from me. He finally complied, letting me up.
"Yum, melted M&M's." I complained, peeling the semi-melted candy off the back of my shirt.
"You could have saved yourself the trouble and just answered my question." He said, scooping some of the trail mix off the floor and shoving it into his mouth. I watched him plow through the floor ridden candy like a beaver, wondering why in hell's name I found him so unexplainably attractive. There certainly was no one like him in the world, that's for sure.
He caught me looking at him and stopped mid-chew to mumble, "What?"
"Nothing. I was actually wondering how you dress yourself in the morning because you certainly couldn't be considered a fully functioning adult." I answered. "Does someone come in and help you?"
He looked amused. "So you were thinking of me naked?"
I pretended to gag for a minute. "Tre, I have a sensitive stomach, please spare me."
"You want this sexy body?" He said impersonating Fat Bastard.
He looked so absurd running his hands over his wrinkled shirt I couldn't help but chuckle.
"What are the plans for tonight? Are we hitting some bars?" I asked after gaining my composure and the food had been cleaned up.
"I don't know. Haven't you talked to Adrienne?" He answered while scanning the room.
"Well, I figured her and Billie Joe would stay in with the boys, but that maybe me, you and Mike could go out... .what are you looking for?" I finally asked impatiently as he was still searching my room with his eyes.
"Your TV remote! I wanted to watch some cartoons." He answered.
I rolled my eyes and walked over to the nightstand. "Here."
He grabbed it from me before jumping on the bed. Lying on his stomach he changed the channel to Cartoon Network. "Adult Swim is on. Wanna watch Harvey Birdman with me?" he said patting the spot next to him.
I smiled a little. I wanted to go out and have a few drinks before we all flew home in the morning, but a night in with Tre watching cartoons sounded like fun too.
"I guess, but just until something better comes along." I replied laying down next to him on my stomach. "When is Family Guy on?" I asked.
"In a couple hours." He replied, nudging me with his shoulder. "You kind of smell like melted chocolate."
I shot him a dirty look as he started chanting, "Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka... "
"Shhhh, we're missing the show." I responded kicking him with my foot.
He winked at me and then turned his attention back to the television. I love when he winks at me; it's a guilty pleasure of mine. For a brief moment I was distracted from feeling sorry for myself for once again being single.
****
I shook myself from my flashback realizing that we had arrived at Tre's house.
"You awake?" he asked softly taking the keys out of the ignition and unbuckling his seatbelt.
I wiped my eyes and yawned. "Yeah, I must have dozed off." I replied. "Sorry."
I followed him into the house, holding on to the back of his shirt as he led me through the dark and up the stairs into his room. He quietly shut the door behind me.
"Do you want a t-shirt or something?" he asked as he disappeared into his closet.
"Yeah, that'll be good, thanks." I replied.
For some reason it felt like we had traveled back in time and this was some sort of platonic arrangement; I had gotten drunk and Tre offered to let me crash at his place, no funny business happening here. And for some reason that made me feel sad. When he still hadn't come out of his closet I wandered over and glanced into the small room. He had his back turned to me as he took of his shirt and shoes. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, planting small kisses in the middle of his back. I think my action surprised him because he jumped a little.
"Hey." He whispered covering my hands with his own.
"Miss you." I simply said pressing my cheek against his warm back and sighing.
He carefully turned around in my arms and looked down at me with a confused expression. "What do you mean?" he asked removing my arms from around his waist and lifting my shirt over my head. I shivered in the cool air and quickly wrapped my arms around him again.
I felt him wrap his strong arms around me as I said, "I don't like where we are right now." I wasn't sure I even knew what I was talking about and I knew he wasn't sure either.
"We don't have to stand in the closet." He joked kissing the top of my head.
I giggled a little. "Let's just go to bed."
He moved his hands down the small of my back and cupped my ass, lifting me up to wrap my legs around his waist. I kissed his neck a little and I felt him shiver as he carried me over to the bed. He placed one knee on it as he pulled back the comforter and the sheet and gently laid me down on the pillows. I watched him hover above me as he moved his hands down to my jeans unbuckling my belt and undoing the button and the zipper. I lifted my ass off the bed and smiled sweetly at him as he pulled my jeans off and threw them on the floor.
"Come here." I said hooking my finger at him. He placed his hands on either side of my torso as he leaned down to give me a soft kiss. He didn't expect me to grab on to the top of his jeans and pull him on top of me because he chuckled when he ended up crashing against me in a rough kiss. I wrapped my legs around his waist, loving the feel of my bare legs rubbing against his jean clad ones. I heard him moan a little when I started to grind against him, but before we could really get going he pulled away, hovering over me as he touched my face.
"Not tonight, ok?" he whispered. "I don't want to ruin this."
I was a little disappointed but I understood. After our conversation in the car I knew he didn't want to make right by having sex and forgetting about it; he wanted to make it right by finishing the conversation.
"I understand." I mumbled kissing him one last time before he rolled over and turned off the light.
I shivered at the break in contact and slid closer to him under the covers as he took off his jeans and got comfortable under the blankets. I touched his arm as he shifted on his side and pulled my back against his stomach wrapping his arms around me and burying his face into my hair.
"Night." I whispered kissing his hands.
"Night, Ava." He whispered back.
