You're My Little Secret, chapter 8
The following Monday I was sitting in a coffee shop on campus looking over some notes for an exam later in the week, and just taking in the campus and the people rushing around me. I still hadn't heard from Tre, but I talked to Adrienne on Sunday and she said opening night of the tour went just fine with the need for a few minor adjustments. I put my chin in my hand and tried to fight off any memories of him, but I couldn't help think about the last time I saw him and how it felt to be held against him. I was dreaming about his blue eyes when I felt someone run into my chair, causing me to lurch forward and my coffee to spill all over the table, soaking my class notes and spilling into my lap.
"FUCK!" I exclaimed pushing my chair back and standing up when the burning liquid clung to my jeans and burned through to my legs.
A young man, apparently the clumsy fuckwit, came around the side of me frantically trying to help me pick up some of my papers and notebooks before the coffee covered all of them.
"Jesus, I am SO sorry." The man mumbled. "I'll get some napkins!" And then he was gone again leaving me pissed me off and mumbling as I shoved some of the papers that didn't get soaked into my messenger bag.
He returned a few seconds later with about fifty napkins, still mumbling apologies and blotting up the coffee on the table and on my chair. He grabbed another bunch of napkins and leaned forward to wipe up the coffee that had spilled on my lap when I stopped him.
"Whoa, I don't need help with that, thank you." I mumbled bitterly.
His face turned red. "I'm sorry." He said for about the tenth time that minute.
I was just about ready to launch into what I thought about stupid people who didn't watch what they were doing when I finally glanced up at him and my mind went totally blank.
"Uhh, no, it's my fault; I shouldn't have ordered such a large coffee." I joked, suddenly embarrassed that I was so hasty to yell at this extremely good looking man with very kind eyes.
He chuckled and leaned over to throw some of the coffee stained napkins into a trash bin next to my table.
"You know, I think you're in my Soc class... is that what you were studying for?" He asked glancing at my notes and then back at me.
"Yeah, Soc 356 with Professor Corr on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons." I replied straightening out my t-shirt and giving up on fussing over my jeans.
"I thought I recognized you from class, I'm Ian by the way." He said leaning over to shake my hand.
"Ava." I said, smiling a little.
"Well, I owe you some notes, Ava." He said. "I hosed yours pretty good."
I laughed. "Yeah, you did and we have a test Thursday." I teased looking up into his chocolate brown eyes and grinning.
"How about I make a copy of my notes and give them to you tomorrow before class, would that be alright?" he asked.
"That would be great, thanks." I replied searching through my papers. "Looks like I just need chapter nineteen, that's the only section that didn't make it out alive." I said.
He grinned. "No problem, how about if we meet a few minutes before class tomorrow and I'll give those to you?" He inquired.
I nodded. "Great, thanks."
"No problem, sorry again about your papers... and your pants." He added glancing down at my thighs.
"They'll wash." I replied and then felt stupid for such a chump remark. "Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow, Ian."
He nodded. "See ya then." He replied before turning around and heading out of the coffee shop.
I watched him walk away through the window and gave him mental props for the way his butt looked in his tight blue jeans. I liked his sense of style; jeans, a vintage t-shirt and a suit coat, complete with Converse shoes. I thought he was adorable in an Emo-I-listen-to-Dashboard-Confessional-kind-of-way, and I looked forward to meeting him before class tomorrow.
As I stood up and gathered up my stuff to head home for the night I realized I hadn't thought of Tre in past five minutes, not even to compare Ian to him like I did with most guys, and I wondered how a complete stranger could turn my melancholy mood around in such a short time.
The following day I met Ian in front of our class ten minutes before it started and I was pleased to see as I walked down the hallway that he was early, leaning against the wall holding a coffee and a stack of notes.
"Hey." He greeted me smiling; he had a great smile I realized once again. "I brought you a coffee, and this time I promise I won't make you spill it on yourself."
I laughed. "Thank you." I said taking the coffee from him and then taking the notes he held out.
"I hope you can read my handwriting." He said crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned towards me a little. "I get bored when she starts rambling so my handwriting tends to get a little lazy."
I grinned. "I completely understand, I'm not convinced SHE knows what she's talking about half the time." I replied shoving his notes into my bag.
We stood in silence for a moment, him fidgeting with the iPod on his hip, and me taking a sip of my coffee.
"So, uh, do you want to check out a local band with me this weekend?" he asked suddenly, catching me by surprise. It had been a long time since I dated, being in a year and a half relationship with Jack and then falling into a routine with Tre. I was very impressed with his initiative.
I nodded. "Yeah, that would be great."
He smiled. "Cool, it's nothing big, just a friend of mine's band. It's downtown. I thought I could make it up to you for being such a dumbass yesterday." He rambled a little, looking down at his feet as his cheeks turned pink.
My heart warmed a little at this positively adorable guy standing in front of me. I bet he was about 21, but I didn't mind going out with someone who was a little bit younger. I always enjoyed hanging out with fellow ramblers.
"Sounds good." I replied. "Let me give you my number, you know just in case we miss each other in class... not that we would because there's an exam in here on Thursday but you know." I said pulling out a piece of paper and quickly writing my cell phone number on it and handing it to him.
He chuckled. "Right, well, we better head in." He said smiling and tucking my number into his pocket.
I nodded. "Wouldn't want to miss a brilliant lecture." I joked as he opened the door for me and followed me in.
I walked towards the back of the classroom to where I usually sat with a couple acquaintances that I had gotten to know in class. They greeted me and I smiled back settling down and pulling out my notebook and the notes Ian had just handed me. I glanced up and saw him sitting a few rows away, inserting the tiny headphones that belonged to his iPod into his ear and tapping his pen on his desk. I can't believe I never noticed him before. He glanced over and winked at me before resuming the pen tapping.
I glanced down at my desk as the professor breezed in bubbling about how much we had to do today and how much we had to review for our test on Thursday. I tried to listen but when I glanced down at the notes Ian had copied for me I couldn't help be grin. I flipped through the pages and noticed that he was a bit of a doodler. There were all kinds of drawings of little creatures and song lyrics decorating the corners and the bottoms of these pages.
I was right on when I said he was a Dashboard Confessional fan, and I also saw some Dishwalla lyrics and possibly some original poems and lyrics as I didn't recognize a few lines. I glanced up at him again, taking in his profile and smiling. He really was adorable.
After class I stuck around to talk to a few of my friends and then decided to head over to Adrienne's to tell her about my new friend. When I got there she was just getting Joey off the bus.
"Hey, what's going on?" I asked leaning down to kiss Joey's cheek.
Adrienne looked a little exhausted and I frowned. "Something wrong, babe?" I asked as we walked through the front door.
"I miss Billie Joe." She replied closing the door behind us and leaning against the counter. "I'm going fucking crazy."
"Aww, I'm sorry. Hasn't he been calling?" I asked.
She nodded. "Oh yeah, actually he's been calling a couple times of day because I just can't get into the swing of things here." She mumbled.
"Adrienne, it's only been five days... they're going to be gone until July." I said quietly. "You better get a fucking grip."
She looked completely appalled at the thought of going that long without him.
"I have to see him... soon." She replied shakily.
Alright it was official: my sister had gone nuts. First the other day with acting weird and the whispering phone calls, and now that Billie Joe had left she had completely gone mental. Yes, she always got a little sad and a little stressed out when he left, but this wasn't a new concept for her. He was gone more than he was home.
I drew her into a hug as Jakob came into the kitchen hiccupping with tears.
"Joey won't let me play with the Playstation." He whined, his face tear stained.
I glanced over at Adrienne who looked ready to fly and felt sympathy for her.
I quickly swooped the little boy up in my arms and carried him towards the den. "I'll take care of this, Adi, you go lay down." I said glancing back at my sister. She managed a small grin before nodding.
I flopped down on the couch with Jakob still in my lap as Joey loomed in front of the television playing some sort of dragon game.
"Hey Joe, what does your dad say about sharing?" I asked sternly from behind him.
"I don't know, he's never home to tell me." He snipped sarcastically.
I bit my lip. I knew this was going to be a problem as Joey got older; he was very attached to Billie Joe and he always took it the hardest when he left.
"That's not true Joe." I replied softly. "You know he tells you when he's home and when he's away that you have to share with your little brother."
Joey stood up suddenly scowling at me before throwing his controller down.
"FINE, Jakob can play, I'll go find something better to do!" He yelled as he stomped out of the room.
Jakob looked up at me, his eyes big. "What's wrong with him aunt Ava?"
"He's just upset because your daddy is gone." I responded kissing his forehead. "He's not mad at you." I reassured the young boy.
I left Jakob in the den as I went in search of Joey. I found him out in the background throwing a baseball up in the air and catching it with his mitt.
"Hey bud, wanna play catch?" I asked picking up Billie Joe's mitt that layed on the ground.
"Do you throw like a girl?" he answered still scowling.
"Aww, come on. Give me a chance." I said encouragingly.
He turned around and walked a few feet back, giving us plenty of throwing room as he chucked the ball harder than necessary into my glove.
"You've got some heat, kid." I complimented throwing the ball back with equal aggression.
He looked surprised as he looked into his mitt."You throw pretty good... for a girl." He added.
"Hey, your mom used to be a good pitcher when she played in middle school." I responded. "Is she helping you right now so you'll know how to play when you sign up in the fall?" I asked.
He nodded. "I wish dad were here to help me though."
I felt bad for the little man because I couldn't imagine growing up without having a father around all the time; I was always close to my dad growing up.
"He'll be back later in the summer and he can help you then." I responded catching the ball as he threw it again. "You'll have plenty of time to practice then."
Joey sighed and plopped down on the ground, putting his head in his hands. I walked over and sat down next to him mimicking his gesture.
"I just wish he was here now." He said quietly.
I felt my heart break a little as I thought of Adrienne upstairs missing her husband and the boys feeling the same way about their dad. I pulled Joey into my lap and he wrapped his arms around my neck as I gave him a big hug. "I know this doesn't help much Joe, but your daddy misses you guys too. A LOT." I emphasized. And suddenly I realized that I had never thought of this until now. Yes, I've heard Adrienne and Billie Joe both mention how he misses his family while he's away, but it wasn't until now that I realized how shitty Billie Joe's situation was too; not only was he leaving his family but he was also leaving his home. I still resented him a little, but I felt some compassion for him too; he tried his best.
Joey and I sat outside a little longer chatting about school and summer coming up. I think he just needed to blow off steam, and I volunteered to be his punching bag if he ever needed one. He seemed to be in better spirits as we headed back into the house; he headed for the den and I warned him again about playing nice with his brother as I headed up the stairs to talk to Adrienne.
She was laying in bed watching TV.
"Hey." She said patting the spot next to her. I ran and jumped on the bed sprawling out next to her.
She giggled. "I already have two kids, I don't need another one." She joked.
"Whatcha watching?" I asked leaning my head against her shoulder.
"I don't know. Some stupid reality TV bullshit." She mumbled.
"So Joey is having a bitch of a time." I stated, ignoring her answer to my question.
She sighed. "He's giving me HELL. And it's gets worse every time he talks to his dad." She answered.
"He'll adjust. It's just getting more difficult as he gets older because he's so attached and he's so SIMILAR to Billie Joe." I complained.
She giggled. "I know. Two Billies walking around, can you imagine?" she teased.
I covered my face. "Ohhh, it would be inhuman." I joked nudging her. "You know I joke a lot about Billie but he's a good dad and he loves you."
She nodded. "I know."
We laid in silence for awhile as she flipped through the channels, both of us occupied by our own thoughts.
"Oh, so I met someone yesterday." I said sitting up tucking my legs underneath me. "Nothing to get too excited about...maybe just a new friend."
She looked over, her eyes lightening up. "That's great, tell me about him." She said eagerly.
It amused me that my sister was more excited than I was about meeting someone new. "Well, his name is Ian and he spilled my coffee on me... that's how we met." I started to go off on a rant but she held her hand up.
"He spilled your coffee on you?" she questioned. "How did he manage that?"
"I was sitting in a coffee shop on campus when he bumped into my chair, which caused me to knock my coffee over onto my class notes and into my lap. Well, he ended up being in the class that the notes were ruined for... we have a test on Thursday so he offered to copy me his notes. So I met him this morning and he brought me a coffee and a stack of notes. And he's cute." I said grinning.
She smiled at me. "You're such a fucking nerd, I love it." She responded. "What does he look like?"
"He has dark brown shaggy hair, that kind of curls at the ends... and he as beautiful dark brown eyes... he's maybe 5'8... kind of Emo. He likes band t-shirts as far as I can tell... you know, that kind of guy." I explained.
She laughed. "I don't think you've dated this kind of guy in awhile. You used to go for those guys in high school."
I nodded. "Yeah, Jack was preppy and blonde and all wrong for me. But this guy is really adorable and he asked me to come out with him this weekend and watch his friend's band play." I said excitedly. "I feel like I'm 16 again."
Adrienne smiled. "I haven't seen you excited over a guy in awhile." She noted, slapping my knee. "Go have some fun!"
I calmed down for a moment. "Hey Adi, you know what I was thinking?"
She shook her head and I continued. "Maybe after graduation and after mom and dad leave I could come stay with the boys for a week and you could go spend some time with Billie Joe." I suggested. "I know you really want to go and the boys can't because they still have school."
She broke into a huge grin. "Really?" she asked. "That's a lot to ask of you." She said hesitantly.
"Nah, they have school until 3:30 every day anyway and it won't be a problem to leave early from work. And if I need some time to myself I could always have Ollie watch them, and it would just be easier if I stayed here because all of their stuff is here, the bus picks them up... blah blah blah."
Adrienne's eyes lit up and I felt good knowing I had made her happy. "Ava, thank you so much... you don't know how much I need this." She said pulling me into a hug.
"Hey, what are sisters for?"
May 7th, 2005
"I'm so proud of you!" My mom gushed for about the thousandth time leaning over to kiss my cheek.
"Thanks mom." I mumbled as my dad rolled his eyes from across the table and sighed. "Leave our daughter alone, Lois, she knows we're proud of her." My dad lightly scolded.
My mom brushed off his words with a wave of her hand. "She deserves to hear it as many times as I want to tell her." She answered strongly.
I caught Adrienne's eye across the table as we both tried to hold back a chuckle. Our parents would never change; always bickering at one another and trying to give constructive criticism which the other one just shrugs off. We've seen this exchange take place our entire life.
My parents, Adrienne, Joey, Jakob, I were gathered around a small table in the back of my favorite Italian restaurant celebrating my graduation that had taken place earlier in the afternoon. I felt content having my family surrounding me on one of my happiest days, but there was a part of me that wished Tre was here to celebrate with me. But I was determined not to let that bring me down... it just felt a little bittersweet to think about him still.
After dinner Adrienne dropped me off as the rest of the dinner party headed back over to her house. Our parents had been staying with me for the first four days they were in town but now it was her turn, and I was ready to have my apartment all to myself again. As I walked down the hall of my apartment building I saw Ian leaning against my door with a small bag in his hand and a big smile on his face.
"You look beautiful." He said leaning over to pull me into a hug. I pulled away and felt my cheeks flush with the compliment as I straightened out my green knee length dress.
"Thanks, have you been here long?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No, I just got here. I know you said you were meeting your family for dinner after the ceremony so I thought I would wait a few hours and catch you afterwards."
This boy was too cute for his own good. Boy, indeed. I found out that Ian was only 21, which isn't bad; I've just never dated a younger guy before. I always opted for the older guys. But what he lacks in age he makes up for in his intelligence and his artistic capabilities. He writes beautiful poetry and song lyrics, which he shared with me one night last week when he took me an open mic night at his favorite coffee bar downtown. He is studying Philosophy and Art History and is heavily involved in politics and music. I like someone who knows what's going on in the world around them.
"Want something to drink?" I asked unlocking the door and beckoning for him to come in.
"I actually brought drinks... and dessert." He answered mysteriously. "Wait here." I watched as he walked into the kitchen, turning around to offer me that infamous smile of his. I smiled back, slipping off my high heels and placing them next to the door. I heard him fumbling through a few of my drawers.
"Need any help?" I teased throwing my purse on the couch and picking up the remote to see if anything was on TV.
"Close your eyes, Ava." Ian whispered from somewhere between me and the kitchen, causing my heart to race a little.
I giggled and placed my hands over my eyes. "Ok, they're closed." I announced.
I heard him shuffle barefoot over my carpet and stop just a few feet to my left.
"K, open 'em." He said, I could hear the smile in his voice.
I turned towards the sound of his voice, my heart melting when I saw him standing in my living room holding a very lopsided cake.
"Aww, Ian." I gushed. "You didn't have to."
"I made it." He grinned sheepishly.
The cake was obviously homemade; it was lopsided and the top layer was tilted and threatening to spill off the side. On the top he had written "Happy Graduation" in sloppy red letters. The rest of the cake was covered in chocolate frosting and it looked delicious despite it's sloppy qualities. I felt my heart tug a little, not at his sweet gesture, but at a similar experience that I had shared with Tre last year on my birthday. I quickly shook away that memory and made myself focus on the present.
"You're sweet." I insisted leaning over to kiss his cheek.
He grinned again. "Shall we cut the cake?"
Two pieces of cake later we were drinking red wine on the couch just talking and occasionally heading outside to smoke.
"I'm going to get out of this dress." I said when we had come back in off the deck.
He smirked. "Can I be of any assistance?" He joked.
I giggled. "Yeah, you can answer the phone if it rings." I replied smiling as I walked into my bedroom. Ian and I had only been out about five times since we first met a couple weeks ago and we had shared a few kisses, but I wasn't sure I was ready to jump into any relationships, purely sexual or otherwise. I learned my lesson last time I tried to have a relationship based on sex, I got screwed over in more ways than one.
As I was pulling on a pair of jeans I heard the phone ring twice and then Ian's "Hello?" I smiled to myself, he really was cute. I wondered who it was; probably Mikey or Adrienne calling. I pulled on my favorite Pink Floyd t-shirt and headed back towards the living room.
Ian was standing in the middle of the living room with my cordless in his hand looking a little awkward. I gave him a confused look as he held the phone out to me. "Someone named Tre." He said.
I felt my heart drop out of my chest and land somewhere in my toes. Not only had I not talked to him in almost four weeks, but he had just had the pleasure of hearing a strange man answer my apartment phone. Great. Super. Awesome.
I took the phone with a shaky hand and turned to walk back towards my bedroom for privacy. "He--Hello?" I said into the receiver.
"Hey." Tre simply greeted. I felt sick as I sat down on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. This was not how I wanted our first conversation to be.
"How are you?" I asked nervously clearing my throat.
"Oh, I'm just great." He replied in a cocky tone.
And suddenly I felt anger rise somewhere inside of me that I didn't know existed.
"Did you call for something, Tre?" I answered, the chill in my voice surprising to my own ears.
He was silent for a moment. "Is that your new boyfriend?" he stammered into the phone.
"He's not my boyfriend." I responded. "Not that that's any of your goddamn business seeing as how you just decided you were going to drop right out of my fucking life a couple weeks ago."
He sighed in frustration. "You asked me for a break." He whispered angrily into the phone.
"Don't you EVEN try to pull that bullshit, Tre. You chickened right the fuck out when things got complicated. Yes, I may have been a little shifty and yes I may have changed my mind but at least I didn't just walk away. You ran away screaming like a little bitch." I shot back, feeling every fiber in my being awakened by this anger that had been hiding inside me.
"Look, I just called to wish you a happy graduation and to tell you that I was thinking about you, but I guess I won't have to worry anymore... looks like you've already got someone warming your bed for you." He snapped.
My jaw dropped open. "Yeah, well at least he's man enough to stick around afterwards." I yelled before hanging up the phone and throwing it on the floor.
I took a couple of deep breathes and made my way back out into the living room where Ian stood still looking rather awkward in the middle of the room.
"Uh, did I miss something?" he asked quietly.
I shook my head. "That used to be my best friend... it's complicated." I said, not really desiring to get into the whole story.
And I think he sensed that. "Umm, maybe I should get going." He suggested, shoving his hands in his pockets.
I sighed. "I'm sorry, but I think that would be for the best too." I said quietly.
"Call me." He simply said as he leaned forward and kissed my cheek before grabbing his jacket. "And Happy Graduation."
I paced around my living room for a few minutes trying to calm the anger inside of me when I heard the phone ring. I almost hoped it was Tre because I was looking for another round of bitching at each other; I still had a lot more to say.
"Yeah?" I snapped into the phone.
I heard Mike's familiar chuckle followed by, "I come in peace."
"Sorry Mikey." I apologized. "Tre called me a few minutes ago and decided he was going to be a dick."
Mike chuckled again. "I figured as much. Tre threw his cell phone across the room and stormed off in a fit of rage."
I sighed. "He's such a little bitch." I mumbled.
"Wow, you are angry. But on a happier note, Happy Graduation. How does it feel to be done with the schooling stage of your life?" He asked.
"Well, I was happy until limp dick called and ruined my good mood." I complained throwing myself down on the couch. "Sorry Mike, I'm sure you don't want to hear my bitching."
"I don't mind; seems like that's what everyone is doing. Billie Joe is bitching because Adrienne flies in a few days and he's complaining that the time isn't coming fast enough. And of course Tre has been a complete whine ass since we started this tour, and all he does is party with the guys from My Chemical Romance." Mike explained.
"You're always the mediator Mike, bless you." I said. "WAIT, your opening act is My Chemical Romance?" I hissed excitedly into the phone.
Mike chuckled. "Yeah, didn't you know that?"
"NO. I thought you were with New Found Glory again. Jesus, My Chemical Romance? I have to come out and meet them. I am fascinated by their lead singer." I confessed giddily.
"Gerard? He's a cool guy." Mike replied. "And you should definitely come out some weekend.
"I don't know, I might throw Tre in front of a fucking bus."
He laughed. "Maybe that would knock some sense into him." He teased.
"I doubt it." I muttered. "Either way I won't be playing nice with others."
Mike chuckled. "Hey, what's this I hear about a new guy? Adrienne told Billie you're seeing some guy named Ian?"
I nodded even though he couldn't see it. "I don't even know if we're doing that. We hang out occasionally; he's in one of my classes. He's a nice guy." I replied.
"No wonder Tre is in a pissy mood, he's jealous."
"Funny Mike but I don't think he really cares much." I answered.
"That's not true; he cares a lot about you Ava. Every so often he'll casually ask me if I've talked to 'anyone' or if I know of anything that is going on 'back home' which means he wants to know what's going on with you." Mike replied chuckling.
It made me feel good to know that Tre wasn't very settled over how we left things either.
"Grrr, that's all I have to say Mikey."
He chuckled. "I know kid, I know."
"Anyway, I miss you Mikey and I love you. Hopefully I'll get to see you soon."
"Ditto, Ava girl. You take care and enjoy being a college grad." He said, sounding rather proud.
"Thanks. I'll talk to you later."
"Bye." He said as I heard the phone line go dead.
"FUCK!" I exclaimed pushing my chair back and standing up when the burning liquid clung to my jeans and burned through to my legs.
A young man, apparently the clumsy fuckwit, came around the side of me frantically trying to help me pick up some of my papers and notebooks before the coffee covered all of them.
"Jesus, I am SO sorry." The man mumbled. "I'll get some napkins!" And then he was gone again leaving me pissed me off and mumbling as I shoved some of the papers that didn't get soaked into my messenger bag.
He returned a few seconds later with about fifty napkins, still mumbling apologies and blotting up the coffee on the table and on my chair. He grabbed another bunch of napkins and leaned forward to wipe up the coffee that had spilled on my lap when I stopped him.
"Whoa, I don't need help with that, thank you." I mumbled bitterly.
His face turned red. "I'm sorry." He said for about the tenth time that minute.
I was just about ready to launch into what I thought about stupid people who didn't watch what they were doing when I finally glanced up at him and my mind went totally blank.
"Uhh, no, it's my fault; I shouldn't have ordered such a large coffee." I joked, suddenly embarrassed that I was so hasty to yell at this extremely good looking man with very kind eyes.
He chuckled and leaned over to throw some of the coffee stained napkins into a trash bin next to my table.
"You know, I think you're in my Soc class... is that what you were studying for?" He asked glancing at my notes and then back at me.
"Yeah, Soc 356 with Professor Corr on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons." I replied straightening out my t-shirt and giving up on fussing over my jeans.
"I thought I recognized you from class, I'm Ian by the way." He said leaning over to shake my hand.
"Ava." I said, smiling a little.
"Well, I owe you some notes, Ava." He said. "I hosed yours pretty good."
I laughed. "Yeah, you did and we have a test Thursday." I teased looking up into his chocolate brown eyes and grinning.
"How about I make a copy of my notes and give them to you tomorrow before class, would that be alright?" he asked.
"That would be great, thanks." I replied searching through my papers. "Looks like I just need chapter nineteen, that's the only section that didn't make it out alive." I said.
He grinned. "No problem, how about if we meet a few minutes before class tomorrow and I'll give those to you?" He inquired.
I nodded. "Great, thanks."
"No problem, sorry again about your papers... and your pants." He added glancing down at my thighs.
"They'll wash." I replied and then felt stupid for such a chump remark. "Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow, Ian."
He nodded. "See ya then." He replied before turning around and heading out of the coffee shop.
I watched him walk away through the window and gave him mental props for the way his butt looked in his tight blue jeans. I liked his sense of style; jeans, a vintage t-shirt and a suit coat, complete with Converse shoes. I thought he was adorable in an Emo-I-listen-to-Dashboard-Confessional-kind-of-way, and I looked forward to meeting him before class tomorrow.
As I stood up and gathered up my stuff to head home for the night I realized I hadn't thought of Tre in past five minutes, not even to compare Ian to him like I did with most guys, and I wondered how a complete stranger could turn my melancholy mood around in such a short time.
The following day I met Ian in front of our class ten minutes before it started and I was pleased to see as I walked down the hallway that he was early, leaning against the wall holding a coffee and a stack of notes.
"Hey." He greeted me smiling; he had a great smile I realized once again. "I brought you a coffee, and this time I promise I won't make you spill it on yourself."
I laughed. "Thank you." I said taking the coffee from him and then taking the notes he held out.
"I hope you can read my handwriting." He said crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned towards me a little. "I get bored when she starts rambling so my handwriting tends to get a little lazy."
I grinned. "I completely understand, I'm not convinced SHE knows what she's talking about half the time." I replied shoving his notes into my bag.
We stood in silence for a moment, him fidgeting with the iPod on his hip, and me taking a sip of my coffee.
"So, uh, do you want to check out a local band with me this weekend?" he asked suddenly, catching me by surprise. It had been a long time since I dated, being in a year and a half relationship with Jack and then falling into a routine with Tre. I was very impressed with his initiative.
I nodded. "Yeah, that would be great."
He smiled. "Cool, it's nothing big, just a friend of mine's band. It's downtown. I thought I could make it up to you for being such a dumbass yesterday." He rambled a little, looking down at his feet as his cheeks turned pink.
My heart warmed a little at this positively adorable guy standing in front of me. I bet he was about 21, but I didn't mind going out with someone who was a little bit younger. I always enjoyed hanging out with fellow ramblers.
"Sounds good." I replied. "Let me give you my number, you know just in case we miss each other in class... not that we would because there's an exam in here on Thursday but you know." I said pulling out a piece of paper and quickly writing my cell phone number on it and handing it to him.
He chuckled. "Right, well, we better head in." He said smiling and tucking my number into his pocket.
I nodded. "Wouldn't want to miss a brilliant lecture." I joked as he opened the door for me and followed me in.
I walked towards the back of the classroom to where I usually sat with a couple acquaintances that I had gotten to know in class. They greeted me and I smiled back settling down and pulling out my notebook and the notes Ian had just handed me. I glanced up and saw him sitting a few rows away, inserting the tiny headphones that belonged to his iPod into his ear and tapping his pen on his desk. I can't believe I never noticed him before. He glanced over and winked at me before resuming the pen tapping.
I glanced down at my desk as the professor breezed in bubbling about how much we had to do today and how much we had to review for our test on Thursday. I tried to listen but when I glanced down at the notes Ian had copied for me I couldn't help be grin. I flipped through the pages and noticed that he was a bit of a doodler. There were all kinds of drawings of little creatures and song lyrics decorating the corners and the bottoms of these pages.
I was right on when I said he was a Dashboard Confessional fan, and I also saw some Dishwalla lyrics and possibly some original poems and lyrics as I didn't recognize a few lines. I glanced up at him again, taking in his profile and smiling. He really was adorable.
After class I stuck around to talk to a few of my friends and then decided to head over to Adrienne's to tell her about my new friend. When I got there she was just getting Joey off the bus.
"Hey, what's going on?" I asked leaning down to kiss Joey's cheek.
Adrienne looked a little exhausted and I frowned. "Something wrong, babe?" I asked as we walked through the front door.
"I miss Billie Joe." She replied closing the door behind us and leaning against the counter. "I'm going fucking crazy."
"Aww, I'm sorry. Hasn't he been calling?" I asked.
She nodded. "Oh yeah, actually he's been calling a couple times of day because I just can't get into the swing of things here." She mumbled.
"Adrienne, it's only been five days... they're going to be gone until July." I said quietly. "You better get a fucking grip."
She looked completely appalled at the thought of going that long without him.
"I have to see him... soon." She replied shakily.
Alright it was official: my sister had gone nuts. First the other day with acting weird and the whispering phone calls, and now that Billie Joe had left she had completely gone mental. Yes, she always got a little sad and a little stressed out when he left, but this wasn't a new concept for her. He was gone more than he was home.
I drew her into a hug as Jakob came into the kitchen hiccupping with tears.
"Joey won't let me play with the Playstation." He whined, his face tear stained.
I glanced over at Adrienne who looked ready to fly and felt sympathy for her.
I quickly swooped the little boy up in my arms and carried him towards the den. "I'll take care of this, Adi, you go lay down." I said glancing back at my sister. She managed a small grin before nodding.
I flopped down on the couch with Jakob still in my lap as Joey loomed in front of the television playing some sort of dragon game.
"Hey Joe, what does your dad say about sharing?" I asked sternly from behind him.
"I don't know, he's never home to tell me." He snipped sarcastically.
I bit my lip. I knew this was going to be a problem as Joey got older; he was very attached to Billie Joe and he always took it the hardest when he left.
"That's not true Joe." I replied softly. "You know he tells you when he's home and when he's away that you have to share with your little brother."
Joey stood up suddenly scowling at me before throwing his controller down.
"FINE, Jakob can play, I'll go find something better to do!" He yelled as he stomped out of the room.
Jakob looked up at me, his eyes big. "What's wrong with him aunt Ava?"
"He's just upset because your daddy is gone." I responded kissing his forehead. "He's not mad at you." I reassured the young boy.
I left Jakob in the den as I went in search of Joey. I found him out in the background throwing a baseball up in the air and catching it with his mitt.
"Hey bud, wanna play catch?" I asked picking up Billie Joe's mitt that layed on the ground.
"Do you throw like a girl?" he answered still scowling.
"Aww, come on. Give me a chance." I said encouragingly.
He turned around and walked a few feet back, giving us plenty of throwing room as he chucked the ball harder than necessary into my glove.
"You've got some heat, kid." I complimented throwing the ball back with equal aggression.
He looked surprised as he looked into his mitt."You throw pretty good... for a girl." He added.
"Hey, your mom used to be a good pitcher when she played in middle school." I responded. "Is she helping you right now so you'll know how to play when you sign up in the fall?" I asked.
He nodded. "I wish dad were here to help me though."
I felt bad for the little man because I couldn't imagine growing up without having a father around all the time; I was always close to my dad growing up.
"He'll be back later in the summer and he can help you then." I responded catching the ball as he threw it again. "You'll have plenty of time to practice then."
Joey sighed and plopped down on the ground, putting his head in his hands. I walked over and sat down next to him mimicking his gesture.
"I just wish he was here now." He said quietly.
I felt my heart break a little as I thought of Adrienne upstairs missing her husband and the boys feeling the same way about their dad. I pulled Joey into my lap and he wrapped his arms around my neck as I gave him a big hug. "I know this doesn't help much Joe, but your daddy misses you guys too. A LOT." I emphasized. And suddenly I realized that I had never thought of this until now. Yes, I've heard Adrienne and Billie Joe both mention how he misses his family while he's away, but it wasn't until now that I realized how shitty Billie Joe's situation was too; not only was he leaving his family but he was also leaving his home. I still resented him a little, but I felt some compassion for him too; he tried his best.
Joey and I sat outside a little longer chatting about school and summer coming up. I think he just needed to blow off steam, and I volunteered to be his punching bag if he ever needed one. He seemed to be in better spirits as we headed back into the house; he headed for the den and I warned him again about playing nice with his brother as I headed up the stairs to talk to Adrienne.
She was laying in bed watching TV.
"Hey." She said patting the spot next to her. I ran and jumped on the bed sprawling out next to her.
She giggled. "I already have two kids, I don't need another one." She joked.
"Whatcha watching?" I asked leaning my head against her shoulder.
"I don't know. Some stupid reality TV bullshit." She mumbled.
"So Joey is having a bitch of a time." I stated, ignoring her answer to my question.
She sighed. "He's giving me HELL. And it's gets worse every time he talks to his dad." She answered.
"He'll adjust. It's just getting more difficult as he gets older because he's so attached and he's so SIMILAR to Billie Joe." I complained.
She giggled. "I know. Two Billies walking around, can you imagine?" she teased.
I covered my face. "Ohhh, it would be inhuman." I joked nudging her. "You know I joke a lot about Billie but he's a good dad and he loves you."
She nodded. "I know."
We laid in silence for awhile as she flipped through the channels, both of us occupied by our own thoughts.
"Oh, so I met someone yesterday." I said sitting up tucking my legs underneath me. "Nothing to get too excited about...maybe just a new friend."
She looked over, her eyes lightening up. "That's great, tell me about him." She said eagerly.
It amused me that my sister was more excited than I was about meeting someone new. "Well, his name is Ian and he spilled my coffee on me... that's how we met." I started to go off on a rant but she held her hand up.
"He spilled your coffee on you?" she questioned. "How did he manage that?"
"I was sitting in a coffee shop on campus when he bumped into my chair, which caused me to knock my coffee over onto my class notes and into my lap. Well, he ended up being in the class that the notes were ruined for... we have a test on Thursday so he offered to copy me his notes. So I met him this morning and he brought me a coffee and a stack of notes. And he's cute." I said grinning.
She smiled at me. "You're such a fucking nerd, I love it." She responded. "What does he look like?"
"He has dark brown shaggy hair, that kind of curls at the ends... and he as beautiful dark brown eyes... he's maybe 5'8... kind of Emo. He likes band t-shirts as far as I can tell... you know, that kind of guy." I explained.
She laughed. "I don't think you've dated this kind of guy in awhile. You used to go for those guys in high school."
I nodded. "Yeah, Jack was preppy and blonde and all wrong for me. But this guy is really adorable and he asked me to come out with him this weekend and watch his friend's band play." I said excitedly. "I feel like I'm 16 again."
Adrienne smiled. "I haven't seen you excited over a guy in awhile." She noted, slapping my knee. "Go have some fun!"
I calmed down for a moment. "Hey Adi, you know what I was thinking?"
She shook her head and I continued. "Maybe after graduation and after mom and dad leave I could come stay with the boys for a week and you could go spend some time with Billie Joe." I suggested. "I know you really want to go and the boys can't because they still have school."
She broke into a huge grin. "Really?" she asked. "That's a lot to ask of you." She said hesitantly.
"Nah, they have school until 3:30 every day anyway and it won't be a problem to leave early from work. And if I need some time to myself I could always have Ollie watch them, and it would just be easier if I stayed here because all of their stuff is here, the bus picks them up... blah blah blah."
Adrienne's eyes lit up and I felt good knowing I had made her happy. "Ava, thank you so much... you don't know how much I need this." She said pulling me into a hug.
"Hey, what are sisters for?"
May 7th, 2005
"I'm so proud of you!" My mom gushed for about the thousandth time leaning over to kiss my cheek.
"Thanks mom." I mumbled as my dad rolled his eyes from across the table and sighed. "Leave our daughter alone, Lois, she knows we're proud of her." My dad lightly scolded.
My mom brushed off his words with a wave of her hand. "She deserves to hear it as many times as I want to tell her." She answered strongly.
I caught Adrienne's eye across the table as we both tried to hold back a chuckle. Our parents would never change; always bickering at one another and trying to give constructive criticism which the other one just shrugs off. We've seen this exchange take place our entire life.
My parents, Adrienne, Joey, Jakob, I were gathered around a small table in the back of my favorite Italian restaurant celebrating my graduation that had taken place earlier in the afternoon. I felt content having my family surrounding me on one of my happiest days, but there was a part of me that wished Tre was here to celebrate with me. But I was determined not to let that bring me down... it just felt a little bittersweet to think about him still.
After dinner Adrienne dropped me off as the rest of the dinner party headed back over to her house. Our parents had been staying with me for the first four days they were in town but now it was her turn, and I was ready to have my apartment all to myself again. As I walked down the hall of my apartment building I saw Ian leaning against my door with a small bag in his hand and a big smile on his face.
"You look beautiful." He said leaning over to pull me into a hug. I pulled away and felt my cheeks flush with the compliment as I straightened out my green knee length dress.
"Thanks, have you been here long?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No, I just got here. I know you said you were meeting your family for dinner after the ceremony so I thought I would wait a few hours and catch you afterwards."
This boy was too cute for his own good. Boy, indeed. I found out that Ian was only 21, which isn't bad; I've just never dated a younger guy before. I always opted for the older guys. But what he lacks in age he makes up for in his intelligence and his artistic capabilities. He writes beautiful poetry and song lyrics, which he shared with me one night last week when he took me an open mic night at his favorite coffee bar downtown. He is studying Philosophy and Art History and is heavily involved in politics and music. I like someone who knows what's going on in the world around them.
"Want something to drink?" I asked unlocking the door and beckoning for him to come in.
"I actually brought drinks... and dessert." He answered mysteriously. "Wait here." I watched as he walked into the kitchen, turning around to offer me that infamous smile of his. I smiled back, slipping off my high heels and placing them next to the door. I heard him fumbling through a few of my drawers.
"Need any help?" I teased throwing my purse on the couch and picking up the remote to see if anything was on TV.
"Close your eyes, Ava." Ian whispered from somewhere between me and the kitchen, causing my heart to race a little.
I giggled and placed my hands over my eyes. "Ok, they're closed." I announced.
I heard him shuffle barefoot over my carpet and stop just a few feet to my left.
"K, open 'em." He said, I could hear the smile in his voice.
I turned towards the sound of his voice, my heart melting when I saw him standing in my living room holding a very lopsided cake.
"Aww, Ian." I gushed. "You didn't have to."
"I made it." He grinned sheepishly.
The cake was obviously homemade; it was lopsided and the top layer was tilted and threatening to spill off the side. On the top he had written "Happy Graduation" in sloppy red letters. The rest of the cake was covered in chocolate frosting and it looked delicious despite it's sloppy qualities. I felt my heart tug a little, not at his sweet gesture, but at a similar experience that I had shared with Tre last year on my birthday. I quickly shook away that memory and made myself focus on the present.
"You're sweet." I insisted leaning over to kiss his cheek.
He grinned again. "Shall we cut the cake?"
Two pieces of cake later we were drinking red wine on the couch just talking and occasionally heading outside to smoke.
"I'm going to get out of this dress." I said when we had come back in off the deck.
He smirked. "Can I be of any assistance?" He joked.
I giggled. "Yeah, you can answer the phone if it rings." I replied smiling as I walked into my bedroom. Ian and I had only been out about five times since we first met a couple weeks ago and we had shared a few kisses, but I wasn't sure I was ready to jump into any relationships, purely sexual or otherwise. I learned my lesson last time I tried to have a relationship based on sex, I got screwed over in more ways than one.
As I was pulling on a pair of jeans I heard the phone ring twice and then Ian's "Hello?" I smiled to myself, he really was cute. I wondered who it was; probably Mikey or Adrienne calling. I pulled on my favorite Pink Floyd t-shirt and headed back towards the living room.
Ian was standing in the middle of the living room with my cordless in his hand looking a little awkward. I gave him a confused look as he held the phone out to me. "Someone named Tre." He said.
I felt my heart drop out of my chest and land somewhere in my toes. Not only had I not talked to him in almost four weeks, but he had just had the pleasure of hearing a strange man answer my apartment phone. Great. Super. Awesome.
I took the phone with a shaky hand and turned to walk back towards my bedroom for privacy. "He--Hello?" I said into the receiver.
"Hey." Tre simply greeted. I felt sick as I sat down on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. This was not how I wanted our first conversation to be.
"How are you?" I asked nervously clearing my throat.
"Oh, I'm just great." He replied in a cocky tone.
And suddenly I felt anger rise somewhere inside of me that I didn't know existed.
"Did you call for something, Tre?" I answered, the chill in my voice surprising to my own ears.
He was silent for a moment. "Is that your new boyfriend?" he stammered into the phone.
"He's not my boyfriend." I responded. "Not that that's any of your goddamn business seeing as how you just decided you were going to drop right out of my fucking life a couple weeks ago."
He sighed in frustration. "You asked me for a break." He whispered angrily into the phone.
"Don't you EVEN try to pull that bullshit, Tre. You chickened right the fuck out when things got complicated. Yes, I may have been a little shifty and yes I may have changed my mind but at least I didn't just walk away. You ran away screaming like a little bitch." I shot back, feeling every fiber in my being awakened by this anger that had been hiding inside me.
"Look, I just called to wish you a happy graduation and to tell you that I was thinking about you, but I guess I won't have to worry anymore... looks like you've already got someone warming your bed for you." He snapped.
My jaw dropped open. "Yeah, well at least he's man enough to stick around afterwards." I yelled before hanging up the phone and throwing it on the floor.
I took a couple of deep breathes and made my way back out into the living room where Ian stood still looking rather awkward in the middle of the room.
"Uh, did I miss something?" he asked quietly.
I shook my head. "That used to be my best friend... it's complicated." I said, not really desiring to get into the whole story.
And I think he sensed that. "Umm, maybe I should get going." He suggested, shoving his hands in his pockets.
I sighed. "I'm sorry, but I think that would be for the best too." I said quietly.
"Call me." He simply said as he leaned forward and kissed my cheek before grabbing his jacket. "And Happy Graduation."
I paced around my living room for a few minutes trying to calm the anger inside of me when I heard the phone ring. I almost hoped it was Tre because I was looking for another round of bitching at each other; I still had a lot more to say.
"Yeah?" I snapped into the phone.
I heard Mike's familiar chuckle followed by, "I come in peace."
"Sorry Mikey." I apologized. "Tre called me a few minutes ago and decided he was going to be a dick."
Mike chuckled again. "I figured as much. Tre threw his cell phone across the room and stormed off in a fit of rage."
I sighed. "He's such a little bitch." I mumbled.
"Wow, you are angry. But on a happier note, Happy Graduation. How does it feel to be done with the schooling stage of your life?" He asked.
"Well, I was happy until limp dick called and ruined my good mood." I complained throwing myself down on the couch. "Sorry Mike, I'm sure you don't want to hear my bitching."
"I don't mind; seems like that's what everyone is doing. Billie Joe is bitching because Adrienne flies in a few days and he's complaining that the time isn't coming fast enough. And of course Tre has been a complete whine ass since we started this tour, and all he does is party with the guys from My Chemical Romance." Mike explained.
"You're always the mediator Mike, bless you." I said. "WAIT, your opening act is My Chemical Romance?" I hissed excitedly into the phone.
Mike chuckled. "Yeah, didn't you know that?"
"NO. I thought you were with New Found Glory again. Jesus, My Chemical Romance? I have to come out and meet them. I am fascinated by their lead singer." I confessed giddily.
"Gerard? He's a cool guy." Mike replied. "And you should definitely come out some weekend.
"I don't know, I might throw Tre in front of a fucking bus."
He laughed. "Maybe that would knock some sense into him." He teased.
"I doubt it." I muttered. "Either way I won't be playing nice with others."
Mike chuckled. "Hey, what's this I hear about a new guy? Adrienne told Billie you're seeing some guy named Ian?"
I nodded even though he couldn't see it. "I don't even know if we're doing that. We hang out occasionally; he's in one of my classes. He's a nice guy." I replied.
"No wonder Tre is in a pissy mood, he's jealous."
"Funny Mike but I don't think he really cares much." I answered.
"That's not true; he cares a lot about you Ava. Every so often he'll casually ask me if I've talked to 'anyone' or if I know of anything that is going on 'back home' which means he wants to know what's going on with you." Mike replied chuckling.
It made me feel good to know that Tre wasn't very settled over how we left things either.
"Grrr, that's all I have to say Mikey."
He chuckled. "I know kid, I know."
"Anyway, I miss you Mikey and I love you. Hopefully I'll get to see you soon."
"Ditto, Ava girl. You take care and enjoy being a college grad." He said, sounding rather proud.
"Thanks. I'll talk to you later."
"Bye." He said as I heard the phone line go dead.
