Best Kept Secret, Biggest Mistake, chapter 1
"Well, it's not much... but for now, its home." I sighed. The motel room smelled strongly of alcohol and cigarette smoke, undoubtedly from past visitors. The walls were painted a faded dingy orange to match the lamp shades and bed covers. The blinds seemed to be the only pleasant thing in the room, colored a creamy soft white. The ceiling was worn and cracking in places. As much as I didn't want to be here, I really didn't have a choice.
"Don't worry Kaitlin. It's only for a little while, just until we find a better place." Mike came up behind me, placing his arm over my shoulder. I could tell that he wasn't exactly pleased with the place either. But he was always trying to see the bright side of things, no matter what the situation.
He back flopped onto the bed closest to the door. I watched as he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. He laid there for the longest time, breathing. Just breathing. I couldn't even bring myself to move from the doorway. This place could never be home to me, even if my brother thought so, Berkeley would always be it. San Francisco was nice and all, but nothing really ever compares to where you've lived for your whole life.
"C'mon. You should sleep. We have a big day ahead of us." He said suddenly, awakening me from my trance of thought. I looked at him like he was crazy for a moment, but then gave in. I really didn't have a choice. I reluctantly made my way to the bed next to his. They were separated only by a nightstand. I tried to bounce a little sitting down. The bed stayed stiff. Agh, I gave up. All I could do now was look forward to tomorrow.
I slipped my shoes off, slowly as if hoping that I'd wake up any minute and find myself in my old bedroom. This would all have been a bad dream. But that wouldn't happen. I climbed under the covers. They weren't soft like my sheets, but hardened and rough from years and years of wear, like a guitar players fingers. Most of the time the feeling comforted me, it reminded me of him. But not tonight. I let my head fall back onto the under stuffed pillow. I could even feel the hard mattress through it.
"Mike?" I asked the figure lying on the bed opposite me. But there was no answer. He had already fallen asleep. I leaned up to the nightstand and pulled the string under the lampshade, turning off the light. Everything went dark. I stared at the air between me and the ceiling, consumed by silence. This wasn't home. The air was cold. Not warm and welcoming. Not beckoning me to close my eyes and drift into slumber. It was shouting at me, not giving me peace. Keeping me awake.
I finally closed my eyes tightly and uncomfortably. I wanted to shut it all out. It never happened, I kept telling myself. But repetition wasn't helping me this time. But then again, did it ever? Of course not. My eyes eased... and the darkness consumed me. I could hear the music playing in my head. The relaxing tune that always returned to me in my dreams. And so I drifted off to sleep.
***
"Mike? What are you doing? It's late." I said, opening my bedroom door groggily.
"Just c'mon Sis. We're going to sneak out tonight." I didn't object, but only listened to his words. He beckoned me out of the room and down the stairs, making sure I missed the creaking steps. We tip toed through the darkness, into the kitchen. He slowly opened the backdoor. It made a loud Screech. We both froze, fearful that our parents would wake. After about a minute, there was no movement. We continued out the door and over out garden fence.
Across the street I could see the figures of two other people. I assumed them to be Tre and Billie Joe.
"You brought Kaitlin?" Billie Joe questioned quietly.
"C'mon man. Today is her birthday." Mike said. I had almost forgotten. How could I have?!
"Right man. Happy Birthday to the greatest chick any of us guys has ever known." Billie Joe said. I could slightly make out a smile in the dark. It surprised me. Rarely would I ever see him crack a smile. Well, not since his dad died at least.
"I second that, dude." Tre joined in.
"And a wonderful sister." Mike added, embracing me tightly.
"Thanks guys." I said smiling. But yet Billie Joe's smile fascinated me. I wished I could have seen it in daylight. I had almost forgotten what his smile looked like. It had been so long since he had last showed it to anyone.
Billie Joe pulled a lighter out of his pocket. A flamed flared up in the darkness, glowing lightly on his face. There is was again, just barely lingering on his lips. A smile. My heart did a back flip in my chest. I felt so happy to see Billie Joe smiling again. And I knew from the looks on Tre and Mikes faces that they could see it too.
"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday Dear Kaitlin, happy Birthday to you." They all sang in unison just above a whisper as to not give us away to any neighbors.
"Well, blow out the flame." Tre said rather impatiently. I leaned over and took a deep breath. I exhaled heavily on the light. It went out with a small last flicker. They all clapped lightly. It was surprisingly warm out tonight. Not a shiver ran down my spine. Not a one except the one I got whenever he looked at me. When Billie Joe looked me dead in the eyes.
"So, how old are you now?" Tre spoke up in the silence.
"15." I said plainly. Not nearly old enough. Not old enough to drive. Not old enough to get the trust of Mom and Dad. And not anywhere close to being old enough to catch the attention of Billie Joe.
"Well guys... " Mike started, but paused letting a monstrous yawn escape his mouth. "I'm gonna head off to bed. Kaitlin, you can stay out if you want." My mind did a double take. What did he just say?!
"W-what?" I stuttered unsurely. I was sure that he must've been talking to Tre or Billie Joe, but said my name by mistake.
"You can stay out with Billie Joe and Tre. You're 15 now, and well old enough." He beamed down at me. I had the most light hearted feeling ever. I wanted to dance down the street singing at the top of my lungs. But I restrained myself.
"Thanks big brother." I said embracing him tight enough to strangle him. I hadn't called him Big Brother in ages. I felt like a little kid again.
"Your welcome Kaitlin." He said, his voice practically doused in happiness, like sweet chocolate. I released him from my grasp. I watched as he crossed the street and hopped our backyard fence. There was an awkward silence between the remaining two. Were they all that clueless as to what to do with just me?
"Hehehe... well, I think I'll hit the hay too." Tre stuttered nervously. I turned immediately toward him. "Yep, well goodnight guys." He said quickly before turning and walking away. I watched his every footstep down the block until he turned the corner under the dim flickering street lamp.
Now I turned To Billie Joe. I jumped back a bit to find him staring at me when I turned around. I had never really noticed how green his eyes were. It was hypnotizing. I couldn't look away. The dim street lamps weren't quite enough to see anything really. But they reflected onto his eyes perfectly. They were so smooth like glass that you could almost see yourself in them.
After the long and deafening silence, I spoke.
"Billie I-" I tried to say but I was cut off.
"Kaitlin?" he said. "Oh, Go ahead." He said hearing me.
"No its okay... really." I said.
"You sure?" he asked sweetly. His eyes were sincere.
"Yes Billie. Go ahead." I laughed a bit.
"Allright then. Well...I....Uh.."
"Kaitlin, Wake up." I heard Mike whisper into my ear softly shaking me.
"Don't worry Kaitlin. It's only for a little while, just until we find a better place." Mike came up behind me, placing his arm over my shoulder. I could tell that he wasn't exactly pleased with the place either. But he was always trying to see the bright side of things, no matter what the situation.
He back flopped onto the bed closest to the door. I watched as he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. He laid there for the longest time, breathing. Just breathing. I couldn't even bring myself to move from the doorway. This place could never be home to me, even if my brother thought so, Berkeley would always be it. San Francisco was nice and all, but nothing really ever compares to where you've lived for your whole life.
"C'mon. You should sleep. We have a big day ahead of us." He said suddenly, awakening me from my trance of thought. I looked at him like he was crazy for a moment, but then gave in. I really didn't have a choice. I reluctantly made my way to the bed next to his. They were separated only by a nightstand. I tried to bounce a little sitting down. The bed stayed stiff. Agh, I gave up. All I could do now was look forward to tomorrow.
I slipped my shoes off, slowly as if hoping that I'd wake up any minute and find myself in my old bedroom. This would all have been a bad dream. But that wouldn't happen. I climbed under the covers. They weren't soft like my sheets, but hardened and rough from years and years of wear, like a guitar players fingers. Most of the time the feeling comforted me, it reminded me of him. But not tonight. I let my head fall back onto the under stuffed pillow. I could even feel the hard mattress through it.
"Mike?" I asked the figure lying on the bed opposite me. But there was no answer. He had already fallen asleep. I leaned up to the nightstand and pulled the string under the lampshade, turning off the light. Everything went dark. I stared at the air between me and the ceiling, consumed by silence. This wasn't home. The air was cold. Not warm and welcoming. Not beckoning me to close my eyes and drift into slumber. It was shouting at me, not giving me peace. Keeping me awake.
I finally closed my eyes tightly and uncomfortably. I wanted to shut it all out. It never happened, I kept telling myself. But repetition wasn't helping me this time. But then again, did it ever? Of course not. My eyes eased... and the darkness consumed me. I could hear the music playing in my head. The relaxing tune that always returned to me in my dreams. And so I drifted off to sleep.
***
"Mike? What are you doing? It's late." I said, opening my bedroom door groggily.
"Just c'mon Sis. We're going to sneak out tonight." I didn't object, but only listened to his words. He beckoned me out of the room and down the stairs, making sure I missed the creaking steps. We tip toed through the darkness, into the kitchen. He slowly opened the backdoor. It made a loud Screech. We both froze, fearful that our parents would wake. After about a minute, there was no movement. We continued out the door and over out garden fence.
Across the street I could see the figures of two other people. I assumed them to be Tre and Billie Joe.
"You brought Kaitlin?" Billie Joe questioned quietly.
"C'mon man. Today is her birthday." Mike said. I had almost forgotten. How could I have?!
"Right man. Happy Birthday to the greatest chick any of us guys has ever known." Billie Joe said. I could slightly make out a smile in the dark. It surprised me. Rarely would I ever see him crack a smile. Well, not since his dad died at least.
"I second that, dude." Tre joined in.
"And a wonderful sister." Mike added, embracing me tightly.
"Thanks guys." I said smiling. But yet Billie Joe's smile fascinated me. I wished I could have seen it in daylight. I had almost forgotten what his smile looked like. It had been so long since he had last showed it to anyone.
Billie Joe pulled a lighter out of his pocket. A flamed flared up in the darkness, glowing lightly on his face. There is was again, just barely lingering on his lips. A smile. My heart did a back flip in my chest. I felt so happy to see Billie Joe smiling again. And I knew from the looks on Tre and Mikes faces that they could see it too.
"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday Dear Kaitlin, happy Birthday to you." They all sang in unison just above a whisper as to not give us away to any neighbors.
"Well, blow out the flame." Tre said rather impatiently. I leaned over and took a deep breath. I exhaled heavily on the light. It went out with a small last flicker. They all clapped lightly. It was surprisingly warm out tonight. Not a shiver ran down my spine. Not a one except the one I got whenever he looked at me. When Billie Joe looked me dead in the eyes.
"So, how old are you now?" Tre spoke up in the silence.
"15." I said plainly. Not nearly old enough. Not old enough to drive. Not old enough to get the trust of Mom and Dad. And not anywhere close to being old enough to catch the attention of Billie Joe.
"Well guys... " Mike started, but paused letting a monstrous yawn escape his mouth. "I'm gonna head off to bed. Kaitlin, you can stay out if you want." My mind did a double take. What did he just say?!
"W-what?" I stuttered unsurely. I was sure that he must've been talking to Tre or Billie Joe, but said my name by mistake.
"You can stay out with Billie Joe and Tre. You're 15 now, and well old enough." He beamed down at me. I had the most light hearted feeling ever. I wanted to dance down the street singing at the top of my lungs. But I restrained myself.
"Thanks big brother." I said embracing him tight enough to strangle him. I hadn't called him Big Brother in ages. I felt like a little kid again.
"Your welcome Kaitlin." He said, his voice practically doused in happiness, like sweet chocolate. I released him from my grasp. I watched as he crossed the street and hopped our backyard fence. There was an awkward silence between the remaining two. Were they all that clueless as to what to do with just me?
"Hehehe... well, I think I'll hit the hay too." Tre stuttered nervously. I turned immediately toward him. "Yep, well goodnight guys." He said quickly before turning and walking away. I watched his every footstep down the block until he turned the corner under the dim flickering street lamp.
Now I turned To Billie Joe. I jumped back a bit to find him staring at me when I turned around. I had never really noticed how green his eyes were. It was hypnotizing. I couldn't look away. The dim street lamps weren't quite enough to see anything really. But they reflected onto his eyes perfectly. They were so smooth like glass that you could almost see yourself in them.
After the long and deafening silence, I spoke.
"Billie I-" I tried to say but I was cut off.
"Kaitlin?" he said. "Oh, Go ahead." He said hearing me.
"No its okay... really." I said.
"You sure?" he asked sweetly. His eyes were sincere.
"Yes Billie. Go ahead." I laughed a bit.
"Allright then. Well...I....Uh.."
"Kaitlin, Wake up." I heard Mike whisper into my ear softly shaking me.
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