Best Kept Secret, Biggest Mistake, chapter 6
We walked through the nearly empty parking lot, and up to the brown and white building, hands locked together. We didn't even notice Mike's car sitting in the parking lot right by the entrance.
We walked through the double doors, gaining a nod from the guy at the front desk. He knew my name and we'd even had a few conversations by now. That's how long I'd been here.
"Hey Kaitlin." He smiled.
"Hey Dave." I smiled back, and continued up the hotel stairs. Billie Joe's hand was still clasped tightly around my own. I looked over at him. He was smiling brightly to himself. And just seeing that was enough to make me smile. I was so wrapped in watching him I hardly noticed when he spoke to me.
"What are you looking at?" He laughed.
"Huh?" I said coming back into reality.
"What are you looking at?" He repeated facing my this time.
"Oh... uh... just watching you." I told the truth, for once not sounding like a stuttering nervous teenager in front of him. I hated how our life together had turned out so much like an angsty teenage movie. It was unfair in a way, but it was amazing at the same time. We still managed to stay together.
"Well I knew I was sexy, but staring brings this to a new level." He said. I giggled and shoved him. "What?!" He whined.
"You're so arrogant." I laughed.
"And is there something wrong with that?" he said as we reached the top of the stairs and turned left down the long hallway.
"Maaaaybeh." I said.
"And I take it your not gonna tell me eh?" He asked.
"Nope." I said simply. He eyed me slyly.
"I hate you." He said. I gasped, making a pouty face like I was about to cry. I loved messing around with him. "NO! I didn't mean it!" He said and wrapped his arms around my from the side, hugging me as we walked.
"I knew that." I said, hugging him tightly back as we stopped in front of the bedroom door. He kissed me softly just before I took out the key to open the bedroom door.
Once opened, my nose was filled with that familiar smell that it still harbored since the day we got there. I absolutely hated it.
"Tre I'm back." I called into the room.
"And where the hell have you been?" I heard somebody else's voice answer. I knew that voice. My heart nearly stopped beating. I didn't wanna take a step further. But I had to.
"Mike." I said, pausing and preparing for my explanation.
"Don't even." He cut me off. "Just... Don't." he said, his voice clearly aggravated. My mouth shut immediately. Even if I had wanted to I couldn't have spoken.
"Mike, don't start this shit again." Billie Joe said appearing into plain view.
"Billie Joe, you were the one who brought this on! AGAIN!" his voice rose. My mind flashed back to when I was listening pressed against the door. My mind shut down, I couldn't think.
*Billie Joe's POV*
"We wouldn't even be fighting if you would just learn that you need to let go of your sis-"Mike cut me off.
"No, we wouldn't be fighting, if you would have stayed away from her like I told you in the first place!" My blood began to boil. I wasn't about to fall out of this one again. I wasn't gonna run out.
"Can you blame her for wanting me to be there?!" I shouted.
"Still! I told you to stay away from her!" He retorted.
"Do you think I even care what you say anymore Mike?!" I asked him. "I'm in love with her and you have to accept that. WE are together. It's not just me. I'm not the only one to blame." I stated a point. His face was screwed up in confusion. He looked like he was about to say something. I had played this fight out in my mind for months. I knew what I was gonna say, and I had an answer for every question, a question for every accusation.
"Get out of here." He said. "Get the fuck out of here! I never want to see you again!" He shouted much to my surprise. I knew my face must have depicted shock. I didn't move. I thought I was paralyzed. "Didn't you hear me?! GET OUT!" He lunged towards me. I ran for the door. I was doing it again. Running away like a dog with my tail between my legs. It hurt.
*Kaitlin's POV*
"Mike! How could you?!" I shouted as Billie Joe bolted out the door. I didn't know what hurt more, knowing that I didn't even stand up for myself, or that Billie Joe ran out... looking like he'd given up.
Mike was speechless, eyes wide.
"Get the hell away from me! I hate you! I FUCKING HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" I sobbed throwing myself on the bed and closing my eyes with my back turned towards him.
"Kaitlin-"
"Don't you fucking touch me." I said gravely cutting him off. He was silent. After a few minutes I heard the door shut. I turned around. He was gone.
I sobbed into the silence of the empty room. Why did my life have to be such a hell? Well, compared to others, I'm sure this was nothing. But It didn't mean that it stopped hurting.
"Why Mike? Why can't you just let me go?" I asked nobody in particular. No answer. Typical. That's what I get when I start asking somebody questions when they aren't there.
Mike was always so kind to me. He was always there tog give a shoulder to cry on. He was always looking out for me. I loved him more than I loved anybody. He was everything to me. My parents were there all the time. But they were there in more of a "take care of her because I have to" way. Mike was always there in the "take care of her because I love her" way. It made me feel like I actually had a family.
So in a way, I understood why he was so mad with Billie Joe.
Mike was my everything. And then I fell in love. Billie Joe cared about me, he took care of me in every way that Mike always had. And then some. He made me feel loved, and special. He made me feel like there was something to this life besides just making sure you lived it to the fullest. He opened my eyes to the side of love where you didn't have to worry about what your boyfriend was doing when you weren't around. He opened my eyes to the side of love that you only had dreams about, where everything was perfect. Even though our relationship was anything but perfect, always having to look over our shoulder to make sure there were no witnesses, it didn't stop us from enjoying it more than ever.
Billie Joe wasn't trying to take me away from Mike. It was love, and
Mike didn't see that. I never wished more that he saw it, more than I did now.
This was tearing the band apart. It was tearing best friends apart. It was like a nightmare. But I wasn't sleeping. I had pinched myself many times to make sure. It was real. And it was my fault. If Billie Joe and I hadn't gotten together none of this would have happened. They would be happy with each other. And I wouldn't be in this position.
And to be honest, I was beginning to regret that anything had happened between me and him at all.
We walked through the double doors, gaining a nod from the guy at the front desk. He knew my name and we'd even had a few conversations by now. That's how long I'd been here.
"Hey Kaitlin." He smiled.
"Hey Dave." I smiled back, and continued up the hotel stairs. Billie Joe's hand was still clasped tightly around my own. I looked over at him. He was smiling brightly to himself. And just seeing that was enough to make me smile. I was so wrapped in watching him I hardly noticed when he spoke to me.
"What are you looking at?" He laughed.
"Huh?" I said coming back into reality.
"What are you looking at?" He repeated facing my this time.
"Oh... uh... just watching you." I told the truth, for once not sounding like a stuttering nervous teenager in front of him. I hated how our life together had turned out so much like an angsty teenage movie. It was unfair in a way, but it was amazing at the same time. We still managed to stay together.
"Well I knew I was sexy, but staring brings this to a new level." He said. I giggled and shoved him. "What?!" He whined.
"You're so arrogant." I laughed.
"And is there something wrong with that?" he said as we reached the top of the stairs and turned left down the long hallway.
"Maaaaybeh." I said.
"And I take it your not gonna tell me eh?" He asked.
"Nope." I said simply. He eyed me slyly.
"I hate you." He said. I gasped, making a pouty face like I was about to cry. I loved messing around with him. "NO! I didn't mean it!" He said and wrapped his arms around my from the side, hugging me as we walked.
"I knew that." I said, hugging him tightly back as we stopped in front of the bedroom door. He kissed me softly just before I took out the key to open the bedroom door.
Once opened, my nose was filled with that familiar smell that it still harbored since the day we got there. I absolutely hated it.
"Tre I'm back." I called into the room.
"And where the hell have you been?" I heard somebody else's voice answer. I knew that voice. My heart nearly stopped beating. I didn't wanna take a step further. But I had to.
"Mike." I said, pausing and preparing for my explanation.
"Don't even." He cut me off. "Just... Don't." he said, his voice clearly aggravated. My mouth shut immediately. Even if I had wanted to I couldn't have spoken.
"Mike, don't start this shit again." Billie Joe said appearing into plain view.
"Billie Joe, you were the one who brought this on! AGAIN!" his voice rose. My mind flashed back to when I was listening pressed against the door. My mind shut down, I couldn't think.
*Billie Joe's POV*
"We wouldn't even be fighting if you would just learn that you need to let go of your sis-"Mike cut me off.
"No, we wouldn't be fighting, if you would have stayed away from her like I told you in the first place!" My blood began to boil. I wasn't about to fall out of this one again. I wasn't gonna run out.
"Can you blame her for wanting me to be there?!" I shouted.
"Still! I told you to stay away from her!" He retorted.
"Do you think I even care what you say anymore Mike?!" I asked him. "I'm in love with her and you have to accept that. WE are together. It's not just me. I'm not the only one to blame." I stated a point. His face was screwed up in confusion. He looked like he was about to say something. I had played this fight out in my mind for months. I knew what I was gonna say, and I had an answer for every question, a question for every accusation.
"Get out of here." He said. "Get the fuck out of here! I never want to see you again!" He shouted much to my surprise. I knew my face must have depicted shock. I didn't move. I thought I was paralyzed. "Didn't you hear me?! GET OUT!" He lunged towards me. I ran for the door. I was doing it again. Running away like a dog with my tail between my legs. It hurt.
*Kaitlin's POV*
"Mike! How could you?!" I shouted as Billie Joe bolted out the door. I didn't know what hurt more, knowing that I didn't even stand up for myself, or that Billie Joe ran out... looking like he'd given up.
Mike was speechless, eyes wide.
"Get the hell away from me! I hate you! I FUCKING HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" I sobbed throwing myself on the bed and closing my eyes with my back turned towards him.
"Kaitlin-"
"Don't you fucking touch me." I said gravely cutting him off. He was silent. After a few minutes I heard the door shut. I turned around. He was gone.
I sobbed into the silence of the empty room. Why did my life have to be such a hell? Well, compared to others, I'm sure this was nothing. But It didn't mean that it stopped hurting.
"Why Mike? Why can't you just let me go?" I asked nobody in particular. No answer. Typical. That's what I get when I start asking somebody questions when they aren't there.
Mike was always so kind to me. He was always there tog give a shoulder to cry on. He was always looking out for me. I loved him more than I loved anybody. He was everything to me. My parents were there all the time. But they were there in more of a "take care of her because I have to" way. Mike was always there in the "take care of her because I love her" way. It made me feel like I actually had a family.
So in a way, I understood why he was so mad with Billie Joe.
Mike was my everything. And then I fell in love. Billie Joe cared about me, he took care of me in every way that Mike always had. And then some. He made me feel loved, and special. He made me feel like there was something to this life besides just making sure you lived it to the fullest. He opened my eyes to the side of love where you didn't have to worry about what your boyfriend was doing when you weren't around. He opened my eyes to the side of love that you only had dreams about, where everything was perfect. Even though our relationship was anything but perfect, always having to look over our shoulder to make sure there were no witnesses, it didn't stop us from enjoying it more than ever.
Billie Joe wasn't trying to take me away from Mike. It was love, and
Mike didn't see that. I never wished more that he saw it, more than I did now.
This was tearing the band apart. It was tearing best friends apart. It was like a nightmare. But I wasn't sleeping. I had pinched myself many times to make sure. It was real. And it was my fault. If Billie Joe and I hadn't gotten together none of this would have happened. They would be happy with each other. And I wouldn't be in this position.
And to be honest, I was beginning to regret that anything had happened between me and him at all.
