Can, chapter 1

Do you ever what wouldve happened if Mike didnt move with Billie when his mom and sister left? Well this is my version. A seventeen year old boy with no one to turn to.


Can


The cut on my arm dripped with blood. The red substance poured out of me like laughter from the lips of the person who started this all.

Deryck Whibley had a sneering kind of laugh, the type that could latch itself onto the top of your spine, wrap coldly around your neck and then shoot down your spine with a fiery chill until it spreads over your rib cage and into your whole body, causing you to wince, causing him to laugh even more. His laugh was contagious to everyone in the high school. Everyone but me. Probably because I'm always the one he targets.

Me. Mike Dirnt, the center of attention but in the bad way. I'm a normal 17 year old. The key word being normal. Normal isn't good enough for the world, no not when you're a teenager. Perfect, is what you have to be. Perfect and nothing less. That's what they all are. Perfect on the outside. But that's all that matters right? Not the fact that inside them, their already blackened hearts are pounding out rotting, black blood through their poison veins. I hate them all so much!

I let out an angered cry and slammed my palm against the full length mirror in front of my kneeling figure. I looked up at the reflecting glass and glanced at myself, then let out a shallow growl and looked quickly away.

My eyes were dull and glazed over with tears. Grey shadows lay under them, showing my lack of sleep. My hair was tasseled and greasy from 4 days and nights lying in my bed, in the same clothes doing nothing, just stewing in my own confusion and loneliness.

My hand stayed pressed against the cold mirror and I stared at my arm, the blood was slowly crawling down it to meet my shoulder then dripped down my back. The cut was deep, and I was mesmerized by it. The blood flow was slowing and I knew it would stop soon. But I didn't want it to.

I brought my sore eyes down to meet Papercut lying on the floor. I named my knife - laugh at me if you like, I'll just block out the sound.

Papercut was a sharp knife used for cutting wire in my art class. I stole it after I'd managed to accidentally cut myself with it. The rush was so amazing I knew I had to feel it again. And I did, a lot.
My body was covered in scars dating back to this time last year. I pulled up my jeans leg and stared down at my leg. Two weeks ago, the day before summer holidays, I had made my favorite cut.

I sat in the bathroom, Deryck and his friends laughter still ringing in my ears. I took out Papercut and carved the words 'Don't laugh at me' into my skin on my left leg.
It felt good - somehow like a revenge.

I'm not depressed by the way. I'm just angry.

*********
I dipped my fingers into the black paint, it felt cool against my skin and I smiled at the feeling. The paint was soft, and gentle in wrapping itself around my skin, invading my pores. With one swift motion I brought my hand out of the paint and ran it along the soft blue walls surrounding my room. I made it across two walls before the paint on my fingers grew dry and then admired my work.

I had been in here all day. The fifth day of my solitary summer confinement. My room was starting to get on my nerves by now. So I decided it needed a make-over. The paint had been lying in my closet for weeks, waiting to be used. There was only one brush, a small art brush in my room so I had to make use of that.

I had painted words all over my wall, lyrics of songs and quotes. My favorite of course being 'Don't laugh at me'.

In between these words I painted pictures that expressed how I felt.

A small rabbit caught in the headlights of a truck. To show how scared I am.
A young boy on a swing, in an empty, dirty forgotten place. To show how alone I feel.

The other pictures were of angels. I don't know what my angel looks like so I painted many versions, hoping to get just one right. One of these pictures were of a heart, flying down a golden trail of light. My angel may not have a physical appearance. But I can rest assured that it has love for me. To me this picture makes the most sense.

I heard a soft knock on my door and gasped. My eyes met themselves in the mirror across from me and I scanned the scene in front of me. I was wearing nothing but a knee length pair of gray shorts. They were heavy material and covered in different color paints. You could see the cuts on my legs, including my favorite. There was still some dried blood caked over my skin and I knew I'd have to cover myself.

I had no shirt on and you could see scars and fresh cuts coating my arms and stomach. I ran my fingers lightly over the scars on my stomach and stared at them through the mirror.

Beautiful...

"Mike! Open the door!" My sister's voice rang through the door and broke me out of my trance. I jumped a little and opened my mouth to cry out but found my voice lost. I haven't talked in over 4 days the most that has come out of my mouth was the occasional growl when the mirror caught my reflection. I don't like the mirror.

"Mike, please let me know your ok, let me in." Her voice was starting to crack a little, she was worried. I shook my head. I couldn't let my sister see me like this.

"Hang on." I called out through the door, I felt a little strange, hearing my own voice I almost forgot what it sounded like.

I ran into my bathroom and splashed water over my face and body. I realized that I haven't shaved and I was starting to grow a beard but I ignored it and threw on a long sleeved t-shirt and put on some long pants.

I rushed to the door and opened it just enough so I could get out. I stepped into the hall where my sister stood, a worried look on her face. The light in the hall was blinding and I squinted and leaned against my door, making sure she didn't go in.
"What's up?" I whispered, looking up at Myla.

Myla was 21, she cared about me but recently she had been living her own life and forgetting about her little brother. But when Mom and Dad found out they were going to Spain for two weeks when I got off school, they got Myla to come and stay with me. They knew something was wrong with me.

They're wrong though.

There isn't something wrong with me.

There's everything wrong with me.

************

"Mike, little bro. You know I'm here for you right?" Myla's eyes met mine and automatically I was filled with pressurizing guilt. Her eyes were so pain stricken that it killed me, I know I caused this, it's my fault she was nearly crying right in front of me.

"Mikey, I've been here for 5 days, you haven't talked to me, you haven't even eaten anything. Are you Ok? Please tell me the truth Mikey." She shook her head in sadness and I sighed and looked down at the floor.

I didn't want to hurt her anymore then I already have. But, which way do I go? Do I lie to her? Or tell the truth? Both will hurt her. I realize that I need to make a decision now and I look up at her and nod.

"I'm fine sis, just, teenage hormone crap." I let out a low laugh and she smiles and me. I can see her hesitate as she steps toward me, but she pulls me into a hug and rubs me on the back.

"Come eat dinner with me?" My body tensed up as she pulled away and said this, but I nodded and smiled a little, just to make her happy.

"Great." She gave me a sincere smile and I told her I'd be 10 minutes and went back into my room.

2 minutes later I stepped into the shower. The water was warm, not too hot but it stung against some of my cuts pretty badly so I made the shower quick. I got dressed in something that covered all my skin except my face and hands. Happy with the result I put on my facade and left the room to go join my sister for dinner.

"Hey sis what's for eats?" My fake smile dropped the second I walked into the dining room when I saw who was there with Myla. Myla stood at the end of the table, leaning against the back of a chair, smiling up at me. And a middle aged lady sat on one of the tables chairs, a plate of food in front of her and a notebook next to the food. She looked friendly, her face was wrinkled and even more so when she smiled up at me, her blonde hair was short and thick, it went just past her chin then curved in. She looked like a nice person but I had a feeling she had a PHD. That couldn't be good. I'm clearly not sick physically, so that only left one thing.




"Hi...um." I raised my eyebrows, expecting to hear 'Dr. something' from this lady. She smiled and stood up, reaching a hand out to me.

"Hello Mike, I'm Caroline. Nice to meet you. I'm a friend of Myla's, she's told me all about you." A friend of Myla's. I can't really see this 40 year old woman dancing in night clubs with my 21 year old sister, it's getting more and more obvious.

"You're a doctor aren't you?" I asked, my voice cold. Myla's gave me a glare and I knew I'd embarrassed her. Caroline looked a little flustered and she let out an awkward laugh and sat down again. She fidgeted with her notebook and cutlery, making sure they were all parallel with the table, then looked up at me with sad eyes.

"Mike, Myla told me that you haven't left your room in five days, and that you might be having some social issues. I was thinking we could have a...."

"Well you thought wrong! I'm not hungry anymore sis, I'm going to bed I don't feel too good." I spat out, glaring at the doctor and then stormed up the stairs. I barged into my room and slammed the door shut, letting out an angry cry and kicking the first thing that came in connection with my foot, I didn't care what it was. I slid down my door and sat, leaning against it as the tears dripped down my face.

One tear floated it's way down my face and hit off my bottom lip. I let out a shaky sigh and licked my lips, taking in the salty taste off the tear. Why is pain all I taste? I try to eat but everything just tastes so empty, just like sand in my mouth. But the taste of blood and tears are clear to me. Strong tastes that drive my senses completely crazy. I gave up holding in my tears and let out loud sobs, I ran my hands through my hair then screamed and tugged at it.

"Mike, please let me in, please..." My sobs drowned out my sister's begging and I crawled onto my knees, facing the door. I lay my palms flat out on the door and leaned over, my head dropping between my arms, staring at my knees. I know I'm sweating and a mixture of tears and sweat drop to the floor below me. My sobs grow louder and my breathing gets heavy. It's hard to breathe through all the sobbing and I clench one of my hands into a fist and slam it against my door. I can hear Myla crying to me on the other side but I can't concentrate on what she's saying. I listen to my breathes, they're very loud and deep, shaky and labored. My lungs are starting to hurt and my ribcage begins to strain under the pressure of me trying to stretch my lungs. I need more oxygen I feel like I'm dying as I lean my whole body weight against my door. My whole body breaks out into a heavier sweat and my head starts to spin, all I can hear is my breathing and the sobs that are making it so difficult.

Ignoring the pain I take the deepest breath possible at this moment and feeling the fire in my lungs I manage to scream. I scream loudly and then fall, making a loud thud on the floor. I keep breathing deep and manage to cry out.

"What's happening to me?!"

****************
I heard a loud noise and a rush of wind before something hit me hard on the head. I realized the door had been opened as I lay here on the floor, struggling to breathe.

"Oh Mikey, what do I do?" My sister's voice sounded tearful, terrified and far away. She started shouting downstairs for help and I gripped my knees, curling up, digging my nails into the skin. My lungs felt like blocks of ice boxing in a raging fire and the pain was unbearable. I had squeezed my eyes tight shut but I could still feel the room spinning. I could hear screaming and I eventually realized that it was me who was doing the screaming. My throat was scratchy, my head was spinning, my lungs were about to explode, my nails were cutting through my skin my eyes were stinging, my emotions were raw and my body was giving up. I let myself breathe, stopped screaming and loosened my grip on my knees. This was all too much for me and I forced my body to shut down.

*********

A brush of cold air hit my face and I winced. I tried to groan but my raw throat wouldn't let me. My eyes felt like vinegar had just been poured into them and had been left for infection. I tried to open them but it hurt too much and I let out a cry, this time my throat gave way for it but still screamed it's pain.

My head was pounding and my mind was too tired to bother trying to remember what happened. All of a sudden something wet and cold hit my forehead and I screamed loudly. Oh my lungs felt that. The wet cold thing pressed harder on my forehead and I turned quickly onto my side and before my mind could process the fall, I was lying face first on the floor. My nose had gotten a good hit off the floor and my lungs and throat were burning and when I felt comforting arms wrap around me I was grateful for something that finally wasn't painful. I let out a contented sigh and then someone was whispering in my ear.

"Mikey, you alright? Can you stand up?" Another contented sigh escaped my lips as I recognized the voice that belonged to my next door neighbor, Anastacia.

Anastacia and me were best friends up until we were 12. After that, Anastacia went to boarding school and we drifted apart. During school she was away and during summer she always went to her aunts place in Ireland.

Anastacia's arms wrapped around my waist and she tugged at me to stand up. I tried my best to co-operate but it was difficult.
I was so exhausted and it was affecting my whole body. My eyes felt like mini-deserts were placed in them, with sand shifting everywhere and camels trekking across the gritty stuff, pressing the sand down deeper into my already damaged eyes. My limbs were gone limp and my legs were desperate to crumble into a helpless heap on the floor. My muscles were so stiff that you'd swear I'd been up all night running the length of the state.

But worst of all were my emotions. But the feeling of having someone hold me was amazing. It was like a quenched man stranded for weeks had been given a drink of water. Anastacia turned me around so I was facing her, although I couldn't see her with my eyes shut.

"Mike, I'm going to put you lying on your bed alright?" I slowly nodded then it came to me that I was leaning against her, unable to stand by myself. Since when did I become so dependant?

Anastacia's hands gripped my shoulders and mine clung onto her arms. She made me sit on the bed then lay me down flat. I didn't let go of her arms and I tugged her towards me, I heard her laugh kind of nervously and then she sat next to me, my arms encircled her waist and I pulled her down so she lay next to me. I rested my head on her shoulder and she sighed and put an arm around me.

I felt the tears burning at the back of my eyes when she sighed. Here I was, in the arm's of someone, that's all I ever wanted. To be excepted by someone. But it wasn't real, she didn't care. My tears began to soak the skin on her neck as I silently cried.

My whole body was screaming out to be loved. Just a hug every now and then, a kiss or words that meant something of love.

But my mind knew better.

I knew that by now, it was too late to love me.

*********************

"Morning kiddo." I woke and was greeted with a delicate voice. I felt Anastacia's soft hand on my forehead and she placed a gentle kissed where her hand had just brushed. She had stayed with me... She does care.

Hands wrapped around me and I felt....loved. It was strange but it was soothing and for a few seconds I felt like I was in almost some sort of euphoric dream land where my pillows and blanket were so light that they were nothing but a warm sense covering me, wrapping me up in it's comfort. I opened my eyes and couldn't help but smile. My eyes felt new and refreshed, my muscles relaxed, my throat felt rough still, but nothing that a little water wouldn't cure. And best of all - I felt like a weight was lifted.
I had been screaming shouting cutting crying and letting out so much anger and hate for myself and the cruel world that surrounded me, that I felt as though it had been an amazing relief. The feelings were going I could tell.

The problems still remained. But the past few days and that final breakdown, tore me into little pieces. And now they're laid out in front of my mind, and I just have to slowly put them back together. I can think clearly now.

My mind is free! I'm freeing myself slowly from the depression I'd put myself in.

"Hey Anastacia." My voice came out tired, rough but happy. She smiled more, sensing the happiness in my voice.

"Here, have some water Mikey." I sat up and she handed me a glass of cold water, which I swallowed gratefully. She sat next to me on the bed hugging her knee's and with a huge encouraging, contagious smile on her face.

"Me and your sister have been worried about you, been constantly by your side the past 2 days! You wouldn't wake up you were dead to the world." She laughed nervously at the word 'dead' considering I could've killed myself, then continued when I didn't say anything. "I like what you did to your walls, the pictures are really pretty."

"Like you." I said blankly, but my eyes told her I meant it. She blushed and laughed a little.

"What have you been up to?" I asked her with a curious look, I wanted her to know I was interested in her life. I was I cared so much about her. I've missed her so much. And she looked after me. I've been emptied of my feelings and filled up with one giving act from this girl. She started telling me about her days, and I listened intensely. She told me about her boyfriends her friends her school her family, everything in her life. For 2 hours we just talked and laughed and the tension was gone and I knew that both of us were back-we were the same old Mike and Anastacia that were before.

"My last boyfriend - Darren, oh he was a sweet-talking little bastard!" She laughed, a fake laugh and I smiled and put my hand over hers.

"He hurt you?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yes." She looked at me with sad eyes, and I saw in them that she made the decision to trust me with her story. "He, told me he loved me, and then I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend, he denied it and convinced me, we carried on as normal, I didn't say anything to my best friend - I guess I was sub-consciously afraid of the truth. But, it came out eventually." I saw her eyes fill up and she hung her head.

"Are you ok Anastacia?" I asked, giving her hand a squeeze.

"He broke my heart Mikey." She burst out into tears and slung onto my chest, I wrapped my arms around her allowed every bit of love and care for her to run through my veins to the tips of my nerves and out of my body and into hers in one hug.

I rubbed my hands up and down her back and whispered to her soothingly and for the first time in years I felt like I had a purpose.

10 minutes later, she raised her head and looked at me with watery eyes.

"Thank you Mikey." She whispered and gave me a weak smile. She looked tired, I lay her down on my bed and I stayed sitting, I reached over, and she watched my hand with her beautiful green eyes. I rested two of my fingers on her eyes, one on each, and closed them gently. She didn't protest and within minutes she's was breathing into her peaceful sleep. I watched her for a little while, then lay down and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close to me, my face resting in front of hers. I synchronized our breathing and soon was in my own deep slumber.

********

A hand brushed my hair back waking me suddenly. My eyes shot open and my sisters face was hovering over mine, smiling slightly.

"You two are cute together." She whispered and then left. I pulled Anastacia closer to me and watched her wake slowly. She kept her eyes closed and stretched and yawned, then finally opened her beautiful eyes and made contact with my eyes.

"Morning." She whispered and sat up, looking at her watch.

"Oh god I have to see my friends in an hour! I better go!" She turned to me and gave me a quick hug. "I'll come over later ok?" She stood up and turned to leave but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Anastacia." I hesitated and just stared at her beauty for a while. "I love you."

The silence that followed was the most awkward one I've ever experienced. It lasted only 2 seconds but felt as long as 2 years.

"Mikey, Oh god, how do I say this, you're my friend, we have a great history, but...that's all, Mikey, I don't love you. I'm sorry. You're a great memory to me, and we'll talk on the phone when I'm away....but, even being your friend is hard Mikey. I. I can't love you." With that, she gave me a sad smile and left my room, my sanctuary.

She doesn't love me...

She doesn't care...it was pity.

I felt a sharp pain in my chest and my lungs felt suffocated, my breathing became labored and before long, I could taste copper....it was blood. I became terrified that blood was coming up my throat and soon I began to choke on it, the pain in my chest felt like a ripping muscle, and I knew exactly what muscle it was. My heart.

I collapsed on the ground, clutching the covers of my bed in my fists. And I knew what was happening.

I lay down and soon my grip loosened on my bed sheets. My breathing slowed to a stop and the pain became a numb throb. I blocked out all my painful memories, and fixated my mind on a picture of me and Anastacia when we were 10, best friends, with a happy childhood.

I watched this scene like a movie in my head as I lay on my floor, blood pouring from my mouth.

I lay there, dying of a broken heart, taking a beautiful memory with me.





I wake up in the hospital 5ive day later. It turns out, I almost did die of a broken heart, or at least damaged. They didnt understand how it happened. The doctor told to my sister that a vein in my heart had burst. I now have a major heart problem and will probobly die soon. I've always thought about dying. I'm not sure if I want to now anymore. They found the cuts on my body. I'm supposed to get help. I'm pissed just about being in the hospital, let alone getting 'help'. No one can help me. I dont need 'help'. I need someone to love who loves me back. Anastacia in other words. I cried. I cried and yelled and screamed and hurt. It hurt me that she pittied me. It hurt so much, that I felt something in my body explode or something.. I'm not sure exactly what, but all of the sudden I heard some beeping noises and then I died. Or at least thats what I thought.
*two days later*
Anastacia was sleeping on the small visiting chair in the room. She looked beat down and tired. I saw some flowers and cards next to the bed on the side table. she slowly woke up. I hesitated to say something. I quickly closed my eyes before she could see that I was awake. She started to talk to me.
"OH Mikey. Why would you do this to me? You put so much pressure on yourself for me and now look what happend!"
"You have absolutly no Idea what your talking about!" I screamed to her. It wasnt because of her I was in the hospital! It was because of anger and pain and lonleyness and craziness I was in the hospital. Nothing about her was to do with it.
"I am in this bed right now because I have heart failure! I hate you and you have nothing to do with it!" I asumed thats what was wrong with me, so I just went along with my logical reason for my hospitality. I meant it though. I believed thats what was wrong with me.
She started to cry. I let out a small sigh of anger, then grunted as the doctor came in.
"Mr. Dirnt. I am happy to see you awake." he put on one of those stupid *Im your doctor so I guess I need to feel like you can trust me* smiles. You know, out of simpathy. He continued. "It looks like your going to be ok for a while, but your still going to need to check in every three months. You have heart failure thats unfamilliar with us." he explained. "So I'm outta here soon?" I anxiously asked. "Well, were still going to have to run two or three more tests, but yes you should be home soon. Uuh I brought a friend of mine to talk to you. Maybe your familliar with her?" I looked at him. I felt the rage in my body biuld up. He was going to get me help? Again, no one can help me with my problems. Only if I trust them enough to tell them. but then I must really love them. A lady walked in the door. I couldnt believe my eyes. It was that Caroline chick Myla had brought to me. I looked at them both in disgust and shouted "YOU CANT HELP ME!!" and my body lifted so I was sitting up now. "Calm down Mike, PLease just stay calm. Cant she at least try to help you? Please, for your sake?" "NO! THERE ISNT ANYONE IN THE WORLD THAT CAN HELP ME! JUST LEAVE ME BE!!! I NEED TO BE ALONE! GO AWAY!!" I instructed. I felt my calm come back. Slowly, but it was coming. They left the room, The Doctor, Caroline, and Anastacia. I cried to myself again. I looked for something sharp. After 15 minutes of searching where I could reach, I finally came to realize that they wouldnt leave any sharp objects in any of the patients rooms, especially cutters. I cried and screamed. Myla suddenly came in the room. I looked at her and cried out " I dont know whats wrong with me!" She looked at me with tears rolling down her face and then ran over to the bed to hug me. "Mikey!" she cried. Thats all she could say. I didnt blame her. Who wanted anything to do with me? All I've ever done is complain about the way people treat me. But that isnt my fault. So I guess people just dont like me because I'm so.....so....... so uncontrolable and hard to be around. I suppose Im just losing my mind.
We held each other for a while. I started to tell her I was sorry when she cut me off. " Myla I-" "MIkey Im soo sorry I havent been there for you lately!! I've just been so wrapped up in my new house and school and things. I'm totally sorry Mikey!"
I was speachless. Was that how she really felt? Was she really sorry? Did she really miss me? I cried with her. "Myla Im so sorry. If I could I would try to be what other people want, maybe I would have it easier."

"Why would you want to be like every one else mikey? Why dont you just be the normal you? Mike Dirnt? My kid brother? If people dont like the way you are than you just need to tell them to fuck themselves and get over it because you are who you are!" she looked at me dissapointed. "Does that explain the cuts Mikey? Why would you do that to yourself? I dont understand!" I had forgotten about the cuts. They must've scared Myla. "No. No! NO! Nothing about my cuts concerne you any more! You moved on and dont need me any more!" "Mikey!" she slapped me. I looked down, then at her. She had her hands cupped over her mouthg like *I cant believe I just did that* sorta way. "Im so sorry!" she left. She left me there to rott in that prison. She hit me. She hit me! Why? Why would she do that? No one had ever even thought about hitting me. They were always scared of me or knew I would kick their ass.
I was all alone with no one to care for me.
No one. I felt like dying, like ripping my heart out and tossing it out the window. No one loved me, no one cared about how I felt and how I delt with it.
Anastacia walked in about an hour later. I didnt understand why anyone would come in to visit me.
"Hi Mikey." there was a silence. "I'm sorry about earlier." I stared at her. She looked down to her feet in shame. "I mean earlier the other day when I left you in your room like that. After you told me....you know." I looked down remembering what I had told her. Oh yes, 'I love you.' I remember. "I didnt know what I was talking about." I lied. "I cant love you. Your my neighbor, my friend....or at least I thought. Your full of shit. All of you." She looked at me like I was crazy. I looked at her like she better believe it. "Oh. So you didnt mean it? You just said that to make me feel....feel.... I dont know, The way I felt." "What the fuck are you talking about? I dont know why I said it. It was a terrible day for me and I guess I just needed to feel something." I told her. I wasnt sure by th at point whether I loved her or not, and if I were to tell her the truth. Should I? No. She should fess up first..... that is if she has anything to confess. I hope so. I do think I love her. The way she kissed me when we were in my room. The way she cared for me. She was beautiful. I could get lost in her gorgious green eyes. I could stare at her for hours. I feel better when she's here hanging out with me and instead of at her aunt's or her stupid boarding school in Ireland.
"Mike I was coming here to apologize and tell you I cant go to that school or Ireland anymore. My family cant afford it. I am staying here for good now and I can spend more time with you. I didnt come to pick a fight. Thats the last thing I want to do."
"Well, sorry. I dont know what to do in a time like this, since this is all new to me. I've never exactly been in a hospital for anything like this. And I still dont even know exactly why Im in here in the first place, or at least what caused it. I do know im in here for a heart problem though ."
"MIke, I didnt ever think that we would be like this. I've never yelled at you before and you've never yelled at me! What's happening to us? I always want to be your friend! And now it might be easier, I dont have to leave anymore. And Im subscribing to your school, so I'll always be ther. Maybe we'll even have the same classes if we try."
"Who said I was going back to school? Do you have any idea what its like there? No you dont. Why would anyone want to go to that school? Its Hell! Why the fuck would any one subscribe to Laguna High?!" I was sooo confused. Who would do that?? Am I the only one that thinks Laguna High is the worst school ever? Am I alone on that? Please dont tell me thats whats going down in the world?
"MIkey. Why cant you just give it another shot? I know I cant understand what is going on with you, but I'd likme for you to try cause Ill be there and you wont be lonely. And you'll have someone to watch your back, be by your side at all times! I love you Mikey!"
"What?" What did she just say to me? Did she just say what I think she said? Oh my God! In a brotherly/sisterly way, or true love like I thought I was feeling?
How? When? What??? I dont understand. She told me she couldnt love me and we could only be friends. "What did you just say?"
"Nothing I dont know what your talking about."
"Anastacia Summers! Tell me what you just said NOW!" I was scared at this point. I wasnt sure if that was my mind that said I love you Mikey, or if she really said it. "Anastacia please!"
"Nothing Mikey! I didnt say a word! Why cant you just believe me?"
"Because I need to know how you feel. Because I need you in my life. Because you make my life livable. Your the one and only reason I am here right now! because you make me feel special and I wish I could feel that more becasue no one has ever cared enough to help me and stay with me like you. ANASTACIA I LOVE YOU!" I started cried out. I couldnt take it any more! I did love her. And thats all that mattered to me at the moment. I waited for a response, a reaction, a motion.
"Mikey, I-I....I dont know! I dont know what to do!! I dont think I can deal with this now! Mikey I need you! But I cant be here right now I need to get out. I need-" she cut herself off leaving me for the second time in one day. I feel stupid.I feel like I want to die and not come back, God should've just let me go when my heart was going out to begin with. "I hate you! GOD! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU GOD!!!" I screamed aloud. I felt something explode in my body again. Except, this time it hit me. Hard. And it was my second chance to die. "Do I want to do this? Do I want to die? HELP ME! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!! GOD HELP ME!!!! ANASTACIA!!!! PLEASE HELP MEE!!"
Blackness filled my mind, my sight, and my thoughts. I had died. Again. Or so I had wanted.
All of a sudden I felt something cut into my head. It hurt. "Why would they give me surgery if I was waking up soon?" I thought to myself. Myla wouldnt let them do that. Anastacia wouldnt either, if she loves me like I think she does. I do tihnk she does.
They were done. I dont remember seeing them finish or anything, but they were done Because I walked out of my room to go see anastacia, to see if she was ready to talk. I found the waiting room and then waned to my sister and my love. But they didnt notice me. Two reasons; First I think I was dead and it was my ghost walking around, Second because they were too destracted me Deryck. Thats right Deryck Whibley was giving information to my sister and my best friend. He! He ws giving information about me!!! He's the one that makes my life a living hell! I told you!! You can even look up at the top of your screen! it will say how much pain he's caused me.
"Just let him go. No one wants him on this earth any longer. Just have him suffer like he always wanted. He kept telling people he wanted to die. We're all waiting for it. He obviously doesnt want to live."
"But. I love him to much! I just found out that we both feel the same about each other. I cant!" Anastacia said. I thought I was dead already? It didnt matter to me much, the fact that I had a person love me and to hear them say it....that feeling....that feeling......it's beautiful. I've never felt that way in my life! I liked it, no scratch that, I LOVED IT!! But get this!:
"If you really loved him, you would both just let him go! He would want that, I as his only friend. I know him better than any one, he even told me so. He tol;d me that if there was ever a situation like this, to do exactly as I am doing now. Believe me, it's the right thing to do."
Was he really trying to prove to them that he was my best friend? Were they buying it? They couldnt have been! Myla knows I dont have time for friends, she wont believe him!
Myla looked at Anastacia and cried. She told her that if my only friend new me that well, then it was for the best to let me go.
"NO! I CHANGED MY MIND! I DONT WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU TWO! I LOVE YOU BOTH! DONT LET ME GO, HE'S LYING! HE DOESNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! NO I- I WANT TO LIVE!" I tried screaming to them, no use they couldnt hear me. All of a sudden they got up and walked to a room. I followed close behind. The room was white, with a bed in it. I then realized it was mine. They both walked in crying on each other.
"Im right here you guys, dont cry. Im right here. Dont worry Im not going any where." I tried again.
"OH MY GOD!" I yelled out. ON my bed was....was...........was me. "What the fuck is going on!? Will somebody please talk to me!?!?!" The nurse talked to my sister to see if a dicision was made. "No. There is no way Im dying now! The dicision is no!" I told her. She didnt notice me."Let him go, he'd be happier that way." Anastacia managed to cry out. "NOOO! I LOVE YOU ANASTACIA!!" I was terrified. Then I remembered watching this one movie, "Ghost" (with Patrick Swazey(sp!?)) In it he died and then he saw this big scene going on around the corner. Him and his girlfriend were walking home from the movies or something and then he got shot! He watched himself get shot!! He watched himself die! He then realaized he was dead, watching the re-enactment of what had just happened to him. Such the tragedy.
Well thats what I thought happened to me. Fortunetly I woke up about 5ive hours later. It was all one big mistake, a dream. I was so scared, I pissed my pants! Thats never happened to me before. I had apperently screamed in my sleep and they called my sister and Anastacia in. They lookef at me as soon as they heard me breathe like a normal person (*Mikes thoughts* I was breathing really heavy!) I looked at my sister scared out of my mind. "Myla dont let me die please! I love you!" I was bursting out with tears by now. She was confused on what ' dont let me die' meant. I wasnt going to die even with my condition, I just thought I was. "Mikey your not going any where any time soon sweetie! I wont let you!" She ran for the bed and hugged me, tite as possible. "Mikey, hun, I love you to much to let you go like that! What made you think of dying?" she comforted me, kind of like how I felt when Anastacia was with me, except in a sisterly/brotherly way. I felt excepted to someones world. Some one(two) thought I was special enough to let me enter there own world. Anastacia and Myla were the two. I loved them both with all of my heart!
"I had a nightmare! I died and I didnt know it. I thought I was getting surgery and then I woke up from it and then i went to go find Anastacia to se if she was ready to talk about 'us' and then i found Deryck Whibley talking to you to. He was telling you that he was my best friend and that I tol him that if ther were ever a situation like me almost dying with one thing they could do to help, just to let me die and then you went to my room and I tried to talk to you both but you couldnt hear me. in my room I didnt realize it was mine till i followed you in to find my self on my bed. I as almost dead and you told the nurse that you loved me enough to let me die like I wanted! I DONT WANT TO DIE ANY MORE! I love you both to much!" I cried so hard I wasnt even sure if they understood me. But all that mattered was that I got it outta me. I just lost my cool.
Anastacia waited for a few minutes till she asked if she could talk to me privatley.
"Sure" Myla said kissing/hugging me good-bye.
"Mikey?" she started "We need to talk."
"About?" I asked her.
"Every thing!" I nodded my head. " When Myla called me and told me you were dying or something, I was scared out of my mind. I thought it was my fault.
"No Ana-" she cut me off from cutting her off. "Please just listen" "Ok sorry" I agreed.
"I thought I had killed you! I thought I was going to be put in jail and locked up! I was scared out of my mind. It was a scary day for me! You told me you loved me and I told you I didnt. I got as far as my friend car door till my cell phone rang, with your crying sister screaming you were almost gone! I thought about you the whole way to the hospital. I was so scared, and I know I've already established that (haha sammie will get that!! oh sorry this is a serious moment!) but have you ever felt that scared?"
I thought about her quiestion a sec. " I was never any more scared than my night mare, or when I hit the floor when you left me there to die! Yes I have been that scared! And it was your fault!"
"MIkey I'm sooooo sorry! And I thought about you for five days, till I came to realize, you've never hurt me, made fun of me, or any thing like that. And we're so much alike and never normally fight...till just recently. I love you! With all my heart, and I guess I was just to scared to love any one after my last boyfriend. Espacially you! I dont know why, but you were hard to love at the time. But I've loved you all along!" She looked at me with teary eyes, I could see her emotion twinkle in the corner of her big gorgious green eyes.
I looked at her and cracked a smile to my face, slowly, but it came. I slowly leaned in to kiss her, as she wanted it to happen, she did the same. We got lost in the kiss and we realized we never wanted it to end. She crawled up on top of me and then I passionetly kissed her, giving it every thing I had. I broke away for a sec to tell her " Anastacia Rachel Summers, I love you with all of my heart, and I will never ever hurt you or forget you! I will always and forever love you and I'll always be there, but I want you to please promise me something." "What? Any thing baby!" "Never let me go. Not from your heart, mind, dreams. Make sure I'm always able to love. Make sure you can tell me if there is something unusual about me. I need to know so I can be easier to handle. I know I'm not exactly the best person to be around, but when I'm with you....its easier and better. I love you sooo much, I dont even know what to do with myself!!!"
She smiled. "I promise if you promise. I cant live without you, dont ever leave me. I'd kill myself Mike. I Love You just as much!" She kissed me giving it her best shot. I loved her. It wasn't pity after all.

The next two days I got out of the hospital. Me and Myla and my new sweet heart all went out to celebrate. I think Im becoming a new person. I think Im a lot happier than usual. I have a new home in a way. I mean I have someine that is always there and someone to turn to now. I think I like that feeling. I didnt think I could ever be happy, but I do. And Paper cut, has been put away for a while. Im gonna miss him though. I still do like the feeling of that, some sort of...revenge. But Ill just hae to do with out it. After all, I've found a better feeling.
"Love. Love is a four letter word. Another is Want. I Want to Love you. Another is Know. I Want to Know how to Love you. Heart. Heart is a five letter word. But if you take out the e, it will still say heart. I Want to Know how to Love you with my Hart. It's all the same. I feel great when Im with you Anastacia. I love you." I told her. I wrote it for her. I dont ever write. I most definetly have changed. I guess change can be good.
"Mikey, I love you with all of my heart. And nothing in the entire world could change that. Kiss me you fool!" she joked around alot. I kissed her. We laughed. "I love your laugh. I havent heard it in a long time Mister!" she told me. "Well I've been having problems. Baby, make it all better." I pouted. She laughd again and then kissed me. She kissed my neck, then lifted my shirt off. She kissed my scars. It felt wierd. I've never actually been with a girl before until the other day. I closed my eyes in shame, with that lok on my face. You know that look like * please stop, please I dont want you to see me this way.* She looked up at me. I opened my eyes. "Im sorry." I told her. "Dont be. You didnt have any way of dealing with any thing. Ummmm I should show you.." I slapped on that confused look. "What do you mean? Whats wrong?" She slowly lifted up her shirt. "Mikey, your not alone."
She had scars. Red scars, old scars, new scars, my scars. She cut as well. I traced them with my finger tips. She exchanged the face I had on a minute ago, you know that one when she was kissing mine. I looked at her.
"Why?"
"I had no friends and no way of dealing. I had nothing to control. I needed to feel something. Some sort of..... I dont know. I, I just needed to feel. You know?" She new exactly that I new. We were so much alike, we didnt even know it.
"Come here Ana" I hugged her. She cried on my shoulder.
"What'd you call me?"
"Ana, I wont if you dont want me to."
"No, I love it." She flashed a smile, then started to kiss me again. She gasped for air. We both panted like dogs chasing after a car. I lied on my back and she climbed on top of me.
"What's wrong babe?"
"Nothing, I guess Im just tired. I'm gonna take a little nap, ok?" I looked at her with closed eyes. She sighed and lied on my chest and fell into sleep herself.

About three hours later, we both woke up and then walked down-stairs to grab a bite to eat. Myla was down there on the phone with our parents.
"Yea. No. Well yea we're fine. I was thiking of moving to a place closer to here. Well I dont know. It was just a thought mom, its not like have evr cared about any thing I've done before. I was just putting it out there. You know what? Bye I cant deal with this now." She hung up the phone.
"Damnit" she said not noticing we were right there.
"Moving again? Why?" I asked her. She was startled. "Sorry." I apologized.
"UUmmmm I dont know, it was just a thought. I miss you alot, and it probobly isnt the best for you to be living with mom and dad for two more years.....maybe we could get a house near here. just the two of us. No rules, no nothing. Just us the house, and what ever or who ever. What do you think?"
I sat on the step to think for a minute. That might be a great idea. It cant be to far from Anastacia, I'd die. But, Myla is the only other person that cares for me, and I think that might be great for me. "Where would it be? It cant be too far from here. I cant live with out her. But I like the idea." I admitted.
"Well you've seen my new house right?" I nodded my head yes. "Well thats not to far from here. We could either stay there or move closero here.....but there's no onpen spaces. So we might not be able to. But Anastacia, your alomost 18 right?" I had forgotten that by 18 you can move out. "Yea! Right after mikes birthday." "Well why dont you come?!" That actually was a great idea, but it would be a little wierd living with your girlfriend and your sister. I mean by the time our birthdays come, we'll be madly in love and want a place of our own.
"Well What if we wanted a place of our own? I mean no offence or anything....but I dont exactly want to live with my sister for the rest of my life."
" I can respect that. Its not offensive, I understand eactly what you mean. Well, what if I sold my house, and then all of us put our money together for a really big house, that way part will be mine and part of it will be yours. Or I could help you both out and get you both a place of your own. Wow did that just come out of my mouth? You guys cant move in together, what if you dont get married, then one of you will leave and the other with the house. Then it will have been a huge waste of money. Maybe you should both start out with me, then if you are together for a while, you can get a house of your own. Does that sound okay? Other wise, your both probobly going to live with your parents for about 5 years after school, get some small apartment you cant barely afford, have some crapy job that doesnt pay well, and just live in a living hell. Think about it." she finished with an akward smile. Me and Ana looked at each other. I went to the kitchen, her following behind."Im hungry." I said. "Me too." she agreed. We both grabbed something from the cupbord and went back up to my room to talk.
"I like the idea, I have money in the bank that I've saved since I was little. After a while with your sister, we could buy our own house. I want to be with you forever." She put it out there. I knew what she thought. But I wasnt sure if I agreed. "I want to be with you for as long as possible as well....forever. But.... I dont know. I like the idea as well, but do you care if we live with Myla for a year or two? I guess I'm alright with it."
"Living with your sister would be like one big party, you heard her no rules no nothing! I love the idea! Are you having second thoughts?"
"No I love it if you do." I told her. I did like the idea. I wasnt lying to her. She showed me a smile and then we went down to watch T.V with Myla.
"Looks like were going to follow your plan." I told my sister.
"Great! So your going to start out with me at my place right?" "Yea I guess so. If it's big enough." "We can add on." she said smirking. "Just one more year!" She recited.
"What time is it?" Anacstacia asked me. "Ummmm, 7:30 why?" "I have to go babe, bye" "Bye. I love you." I kissed her. Shekissed me. It didnt end right away either. She was there for about 15 minutes, till Myla said "wooOOOooo, getting a little ramantic there eh?" We quickly pulled apart, and she softly kissed my cheek. "Bye Myla." she said rolling her eyes. We both smiled (me and Myla) and I walked her out the door.
"I love you so much" she whispered to me. "I love you too. Dont ever forget that, ok? Promise me please." I looked at her with my 'serious face'. She looked at me with hers. "I wont. I wont I promise. I love you so much, dont you forget that, ok? Your the best thing thats ever happened to me. I dont want us to change, my life is perfect right now, or at least when Im with you. Kiss me." "Your wish" I paused "is my command." I kissed her passionetly and she wrapped her arms around my neck. She pulled apart. "Sorry, Its my dads birthday. We are having dinner tonight. I have to be there, my parents are already sorta angry I've been gone for like..two weeks. But they do understand the purpose, its just they wanted me home today. I told them I needed to be here with you, friend purposes. But I really need to be there tonight. Ok? I love you. Bye" She let go of me and a feeling surged through my body. Like I lost the touch, but I knew it was there. "I love you Ana." I told her as she walked off. She blew a kiss to me. I smiled at her and walked back into the house.
"You really like her dont you?" Myla asked as I shut the door.
"What do you want me to say? Yes, I do. I love her. And if you have a problem th-" "No, I think it's cute. Your meant for each other. I'm happy for you. If she makes you happy, than stay with her, I'd hate to see you....how you were, again. I love you too much to let that happen. And Im sorry I did in the first place. I love you Mike, I always will. After all, I kinda have to, your my brother." She laughed and I joined her. "Well thats comforting. Thanks, I love you to." I carcastically blurted. "Wanna watch a movie with me? Im watching Labrinth. I know it's corny, but we used to watch it all the time if you recall. I'm in the mood to do something with you and I dont know exactly what." "Umm, sure why not." I said. "YAY!" she sang excitedly. "Ok you have to sit right here next to me, cause I want you to and I havent been a very good sister, and cause I said so period." I laughed.
She popped it in and we watched it. I was lying on the pillow that was on her lap and she was brushing my hair with her hands like my mom had used to when we were kids. I started to fall asleep, but then I was too hungry to do that. So I got up and made some Mac 'N Cheese for the both of us. Then I was full and tired. I fell asleep in my sisters lap on that pillow. The movie ended around 10:00 and then she left to go upstairs and go to bed.
I woke up around 12:00 and left the living room. I stumbled to my room, and dropped dead on my bed to fall asleep. I dreamt of her. Her beauty, her smile, her scent, her voice. I dreamt, that we were together, with a little girl. Her name was Emily. My daughter! I had a daughter! I want a little girl, or boy, but I want a child. Any way. Me and Ana had a kid. And we both loved her and we both loved each other. Am I realy going to be with her forever? I want to have a little girl named Emily with her. The baby in my dream was beautiful. She looked just like the both of us. Oh god I love her so much. Emily. What a beautiful name.
I woke up around 10:00 and went to get dressed. I walked down stairs to fing Myla making breakfast for us both. "Hey sleeping beauty, haha" I cacastically laughed to her and then she gave me a plate of food. "When can we get out of here? Out of this house? I dont like it here. I dont think any one does. It gives me bad thoughts. I want to go back to Berkly, with Tre` and Billie. You dont understand how much I miss them." "Im sorry sweetie. Why dont you ever call them? Ever since we've been here, you have never talked to them. They both have phones, I knew them for a while. Im sure they havent moved, they probobly still have the same numbers. Maybe it will make you feel ok. I mean, I know Anastacia has done that already, but they might make it even better." I smiled at the thought of her name. I was trying to remember their numbers. I ate the food and walked up to my room with the phone.
I looked for my book of people's number. Dont know why I needed a book, I only had a few people in it. Or so I thought. I found it, opened it, and found to see it was almost filled with people I had forgotten. I was ashamed I did. Memories soon flooded my mind and then I came across Tre`s then Billies. I dialed Billie's number first.

"Hello?" they ansewered. "Is Billie there?" "Yea hold on." Oh my god. I was going to talk to my friend for the first time in like, 4 years. "Hello?" "Billie? Billie Joe Armstrong?" "Yea, who wants to know?" "Billie, its me. Mike!" "Mike?" "Billie, you didnt forget me did you?" "Ummm..." "Billie, its me Mike! What are you talking about? Please tell me you didnt forget me. Ok. We were best friends in elementary school. We met in 5th? I had to move to Laguna because my family couldnt afford it here. Come on, me you Tre`?" "Mike?! Oh my god!! I havent heard from you in years! How are you man?" "Im.....better, I guess. How is it over there? Oh were good. Me and Tre`, we're sort of loners. We're popular, but only because we're fools." "Yea? Im popular, but only because I dont fit in with any one else. I get "teased" alot. They cause me so much pain. I dont know how I survived. I mean, ever since I left you two, I was so angry. I just kept slashing myself. Literally." "You mean, you cut yourself? Oh Mike. Why would you do that?" " It felt good, and I nneeded to control something. I neede to feel something. You know? Well you might not. But things just got a whole lot better." "Why? What changed?" "My neighbor, Anastacia." "Oh a girl I see." "Well, she's not just a girl though. I love her. And I didnt realize it untill I got out of the hospital the other day." "Wait, what? You were in the hospital? What the hell happened dude?" "Well, a vein in my heart burst and then a lot changed at that hospital...."

About an hour or two later, I got off the phone with Billie and called Tre`. We had the exact same convorsation. They both werent the same with out me. They said after I left, things changed and they even drifted apart for a little bit, but they didnt want to lose all of there friedships. And after a month of waiting for my calls, they gave up and thought I had forgotten about them. Then I told them, my phone didnt get connected until two months of living at my house..

I planned on meeting them sooner or later. It made my day talking to them. I loved them like brothers.


After a while I missed my baby, so I walked over to her house to see her. I knocked on the door, and she answered it. Crying.
"Whats wrong babe?" I was concerned. She looked at me with fear. I could see it in her eyes. "Oh my god, Ana whats wrong?"
She cried even harder.
"Mike I love you with all my heart and Ill never leave you." she mouthed.
"Ana tell me what's the matter, please!"
"Mikey, I cant see you any more! My parents think you arent my type. They wont let me talk to you any more!" She cried.

I felt the pain rage into my soul. "What?" I whispered with embracing her. She hugged tight but then pulled apart, giving me a kiss and a note.
She shut the door slowly, and mouthed "I love you and I will never stop seeing you." "Ana!" I whispered. I ran home and stormed up the stairs . I pounced on top of the bed and looked for Paper Cut. I needed it. I found him in stabbed into my matress. I ripped him out and then carved 'Anastacia' into my upper left arm. Small enough so that you could only see it with my shirt off. But still legible. It felt great. I did the same on my right arm, in the same place.
I remembered the note. I took it out of my pocket, and opened it. It read:

Dear my Beloved Mikey,
I am never going to leave you. Im never going to stop seeing you. I will find any chance I can to go see you. My parents will not always be home, they arent usually any ways. I will try and see you ever time I can. I cant even begin to tell you how sorry I am, that I had to tell you something like that. But my dad needed proof that I wasnt going to see you any more. I lied. You know me, I dont lie to my parents. Only for you baby. I had a dream last night. I'm debating on whether I should explain to you or not. But I dont want to keep anything from you. Well, I was with you and I guess we were married. But the most i remember is seeing me in a chair and you hovering mver me. I had this beautiful baby girl in my hands. Emily we called her. That means so much to me. Think it might be a sign? I really do love you, and dont ever let it change. Please, I've waited all my life for someone like you. Im so sorry I had to tell you, I didnt mean it! Dont let yourself think I meant it! Ok? I love you with my heart fully! Oh my god! Im going to have an orgasm thinking about you! hahaha Im just kidding!!! Well I hope that joke made this letter easier to read. I love you. Love me too. Dont lie to me. I'll die if you ever do any thing with another person. Please.
Dont forget our love's meaning
I love you,
Anastacia (a.k.a your Ana)





"Oh Ana. I need you. You cant leave me. PLease God, please. Dont let her leave me. She is the one. I love her to death. Please." I couldnt handle it. Did she really have that dream? No way. Is it possible? God I love her with all my heart. "Ana dont leave me." I whisperd. I walked down stairs to find my sister sitting on the couch.
"Myla!" I cried to her.
"What's wrong sweeite?"
"Her parents wont let her see me."
"Oh Mike. Im so sorry."
"She said she wouldnt stop seeing me, her parents arent ever home anyway. But she's almost 18 and they cant tell her what to do any more, right?"
"Mikey, she obviously loves you, and yea. When she's 18 she can move out with you. Why cant she see you? What dont her parents like about you?"
"I dont know. I think they know that theres something wrong with me. Like, the way i almost died, that wouldnt happen to a normal person."
"But there isnt any thing wrong with you. You a perfectly normal kid. Dont worry it'll all be ok after a while, just one more year. Im sure you guys can have a 'secret' relationship. That will be....well youll be together."
"Myla, what if they found out? I mean, I know she can make her own decisions but, they might do something to her."
"Like what? She doesnt get hit does she?"
"No I dont thik so, she'd tell me.I just mean, what if they dont ever speak to her again? That would be my fault."
"Well I dont really think she'd care. Come here Mike." I went over and cried on her shoulder. She comforted me best she could.

The door bell rang. Myla answered it. I was still on the couch crying my eyes out.
"Mikey?" I heard a very familliar voice, but I didnt bother to look up.
"Mikey?" I heard it again. It sounded like,
"Ana!" I raced for the door and she jumped on me. I kissed her. I kissed her all over. WE both cried and told each other we'd never leave each other.
Then I carried her up to my room. I lied her on my bed and then lied on top of her and kissed the death out of her.

"Ana I thought I would never see you again. I thought I had lost you. I was so scared!"
"No Mikey, no. I wouldnt leave you. I'm going to be with you for ever and eternity."

I kissed her some more. Tham I remembered the note. I took it out of my pocket and showed it to her. She smiled.
"The dream. I want you to know, taht you didnt have it alone. I had it to. Does that mean any thing to you?"
"It means every thing to me! Mikey, We're going to be together forever! YES!" she laughed as I thought about it.
"What?"
"I dont know. Just kiss me. Emily is in the future!." we both laughed and kissed for a very long time.
Myla was down stairs making something that smelt reeeeeeeeaaaaaally good. So we both went down stairs to go see what it was. It was pizza. Oh yea, my sister can make awsome pizza.
We had lunch and talked for a while till Ana had to leave before her dad came home.
"Bye I love you Mikey." "I love you too!"

She left and I watched through the window. I went up to my room and turned on my music. I hadn't listened to music in the longest time. I even sang. I sing pretty well, I think. Myla walked in to my room. She laughed at me.
"I didnt know you could sing! Your pretty good if you asked me."
"Yea, well I didnt ask you." we both laughed a little. She threw me some keys. I looked at them.
"No way!" She had given me the keys to her car. I had always used my parents car to go any where, if I did. But I knew I wanted to go some where. And I knew exactly where.
"Bye love ya." I ran down the stairs towards the door.
"Wait where are you going?"
"To Berkley!"
"Tell every one I said Hi!" She hollered.
"Ok, I will!"

I ran into the car, when Anastacia yelled out her window.
"Where are you going?!" "I need to go back to Berkley for a little while! I love you!" "I love you too!" she hollered back to me. I blew her a kiss and she cought it and smeared it all over her cheeks.

I sped off out to the road. I blasted my radio. "WOOHOOO!!!!!" I yelled. I got onto the freeway, And then the highway. I past a couple Burger Kings and then I was in Berkley. I knew exactly where Billies house was.

I parked in front of his house and ran towards the door. I knocked.
"BIILIE!" I yelled out.
" Mike?!" He ran outside and then we just stared each other down.
"Hey!! Dude! Where the hell have you been?!