A Note Don't Come Easy, chapter 11
“Never mind.� Tre quickly said, his face looking disappointed.
“Tre, if you’ve got something to tell me, please say it. If it’s one thing I hate its people leading me on and then not telling me the full story.� I whined to him, moving my hands from off of my knees and standing up straight.
The night air was cold and was fresh on our chests because we were breathing so heavily.
“I don’t know whether you’ll like it or not.� Tre sighed, avoiding eye contact with me.
“Whether I will or not, I still want to hear it.� I sighed, sitting back down by the recycling bin because my legs couldn’t hold my weight any longer.
There was an awkward pause between us as I ran my fingers through my wind swept hair.
“Well,� Tre started again. “Let’s just say I like you, a bit…more…than…a…friend.�
I looked at him in surprise. I had never seen Tre like this before. He was sort of speechless, and to me that’s the 8th wonder of the world! I never thought I’d see the day when Tre Cool was lost for words! God, I thought it was going to be hard making something with Billie Joe, but now Tre was jumping in and giving me offers. Maybe Billie Joe was just awkward. What the fuck was I meant to do? Turn him down? I couldn’t. I didn’t have the guts to. He couldn’t help it if he liked me. But that was the most confusing bit. Why did he like me? Nobody like’s me, in that sort of way.
“I know you and Billie Joe have a little ‘thing’ going on, so that’s why I’m telling you now, while he’s not around.� Tre whispered softly before crouching down next to me and leaning against the wall.
“What makes you think that?� I asked, my headache becoming more painful by the minute from the amount of alcohol.
“Cut the crap Stef.� Tre groaned. “We all know something’s going on between you two. Even Mike’s noticed.�
“But that’s the thing Tre.� I cried. “There’s nothing going on between us, no matter what it looks like. They’ll never be a ‘me and Billie Joe.’ He has a wife for fuck’s sake!�
“That doesn’t mean anything.�
“Yes, it does!� I laughed.
“What’s with the hand holding, the hugging, and the fucking staring each other until one of you drops dead then?!?� Tre questioned, a little confused.
“Just good friends.� I sighed slowly, silently crying inside.
“That’s shit.� Tre told me.
“I know it is. But I know for a fact that Billie Joe doesn’t want anything to happen between us.�
“Have you talked to him then?�
“No. But by what happened the other day, I kind of got the message.�
“Wait,� Tre interrupted me. “What happened the other day?�
“Oh, shit. You don’t know do you?� I cried, frowning.
Tre shook his head violently, eager to hear what I had to say. Excitement seemed to flicker behind his watery bloodshot eyes.
“When Billie Joe came to my suite - I think it was, Tuesday, we ended up having a tickling fight because I wouldn’t give him my Coke. You can kind of guess of what happened from there.�
A big smile had spread across Tre’s face.
“Whoa! You two fucked?!?� He blurted out, too excited for comfort.
“No!� I screamed back. “We kissed.�
“Oh,� Tre said, a little disappointed. “Not as exciting as I thought then.�
“Tre!� I screamed, hitting him over the head with little energy I had left, annoyed.
“Ok! Alright, stop hitting me already! Geeze. So what happened after that?�
“We never got to the end because Adrienne called mid-snog and Billie Joe had to pull away and answer it.�
“Ain’t that always the way.� Tre sighed. “But surely, he must have said something to you after?
“Not a thing. It was like it had never happened. He just carried on like normal. I was going to say something to him, but Mike came along and he had to go to a press conference - or something. I got the impression that he didn’t want to mention it because he thought it was a big mistake.� I groaned, banging my head back against the wall.
“I’m sure that’s not the way Billie Joe wanted you to take it.� Tre said sympathetically, giving me a hug.
I was too tired to pull away from him after his confession, so I just lay in his arms, my head pounding and my mind bubbled with questions.
“Billie Joe doesn’t like to show his feelings. He’s a sensitive guy.�
“I know. That’s what I’m afraid of.� I whimpered into Tre.
“Come on,� he whispered after a while. “We better get back to the hotel before the cops decide to take another tour down this block again.�
He got up and helped me to my feet, my legs still wanting to snap. We picked up the bottles of stolen booze and sneaked back to the hotel, watching out for the cops from every corner. We stumbled up the stairs, happy that we were safe from them for at least tonight.
“Tre,� I groaned, leaning on the door to my suite. “I’m gonna get my hoody. Come with me.�
“Yeah sure.� He answered, as I gave him the bottles of booze that were in my hands.
He waited behind me as I tried to frantically open the door with my card key, almost snapping it in half. I can never do these fucking things! I sneaked into my suite, which was pitch black. Tre stood in the doorway and waited for me, the bottles of booze in his hands. They belonged in his more than they did mine. I stumbled around, trying to find the doorway to my bedroom. I rummaged around and pulled out my black Green Day Nimrod hoody. As I walked out of my bedroom, I saw someone or something from the corner of my eye. I screamed as load as I could, swivelling around to see a black shadow in the corner. Tre came running in and turned the light on. He grabbed me around the shoulders to protect me from whatever was in my suite.
“What the fuck?!? BILLIE JOE!� Tre cried, letting go of his grip suddenly at the sight of Billie Joe.
I don’t think he wanted Billie Joe to suspect anything. But at the moment, Billie Joe was too pissed to acknowledge anything. He was crouched in the corner of my suite, laughing his head off. He had scared the fucking shit out of me.
“What are you doing?� Tre cried again.
I was too tired to shout at him and ask questions. I just left it all to Tre.
Billie Joe couldn’t speak for laughing, so he pointed to the balcony, where someone else was. Mike. He was squatted over the edge of the balcony with his trousers down, having a shit.
“Mike!� Tre screamed, not knowing whether to laugh or shout at him.
I sniggered at Mike’s constipated face, the adrenaline still pouring through my body from my scare. Mike let out a sigh and pulled his trousers up as he got down from the railing of the balcony. He peered over the edge to see where his Dookie had fallen.
“Right on some dude’s car!� He laughed, closing the balcony doors and sitting next to Billie Joe who was still laughing uncontrollably.
“Why did you have to do it from my balcony?� I whined, still clutching my hoody tight.
“Just made it more fun.� Mike laughed. “Made it funnier if we did it someone else’s suite and not ours. Make’s it more risky�
“Mike you’re a bastard.� Tre sniggered.
“I know.� Mike smirked, taking a bow.
I sighed and sat down on the sofa, moving away from Tre. I just wanted to go to sleep. I slowly spread out across the sofa, pulling my hoody over my tired body. There was no point in going back to their suite since they were all in mine. Anyways, I didn’t trust 3 drunken rock stars alone in my suite with my stuff.
* * * * * * * *
I opened my eyes from my snoozing spot on the sofa, to see Tre and Mike getting up and tip toeing out of the suite, trying not to wake me. I quickly snapped from my sleep and sat up.
“Where are you guys going?� I asked, rubbing my eyes and smudging my eyeliner everywhere.
“To bed.� Mike groaned, realising I was up and that he’d probably have to face a round of questions before he could get to bed.
“Back to our suite.� Yawned Tre.
“What about Billie Joe?� I asked, frowning.
“What about him?� Mike replied. “We can’t wake him so he’ll have to stay here.�
“He can’t stay here!� I screamed, vaguely pointing to him.
He was spread out on the other sofa, his left arm and leg swinging off the edge. He had a beer bottle lightly sitting in his hand. His mouth was open and he was drooling all across the fabric. He looked kinda cute like that.
“Why not?� Mike asked. “Just leave him there. He’ll be fine. If we try and wake him he’ll only get aggressive with us. The booze has knocked him for 6.�
“No! Take him back!� I screamed again.
“No!�
“Yes! Please!� I pleaded with them.
“What do you have against him staying here anyways?� Mike asked, frowning and scratching his head.
“Nothing…� I hesitated.
I shot a look at Tre. I think he understood by look etched across his face.
“He’ll be fine Stef. Don’t worry about it.� Tre assured me, winking, so Mike didn’t see or understand what we were going on about.
I looked at Billie Joe once again. He looked so sweet when he was asleep. I looked back at Tre. Mike was already out the door and trying to get back into their own suite that was probably trashed and littered with bottles.
“Don’t worry Stef.� Tre assured me again, whispering. “You’ll be fine. I’ll try and talk to Billie Joe tomorrow about, - well you know what.�
He cut his sentence short as Mike stood in the doorway.
“Are you fucking coming or what Tre? Or am I going to have the suite to myself?� He groaned.
He didn’t look too good either. None of us did. Maybe we had celebrated too much. Can there be such a thing?
“Alright, calm down Mike. I’m coming.�
Mike disappeared into their suite and Tre went to go out the door when he called back to me, clutching onto the doorframe.
“Oh Stef,�
“Yeah?�
“Try and get some sleep for the rest of the night. You’ve got another long day tomorrow.�
“Another long day?� I asked, leaning over the back of the sofa so I could see him. What the fuck was he going on about?
“Didn’t Billie tell you?� He asked, a little shocked.
“No!?�
“Your next audition’s tomorrow.�
Then he disappeared behind the door as he closed it shut and turned the light out.
* * * * * * * *
BUM FUCK!!! I had another audition? TOMORROW!!!! Shit, what was I going to play? I lay in bed still with my day clothes on, staring up at my posters. What the fuck was I going to play? Billie Joe, why hadn’t you told me? Why did he not tell me that I would have to face those bastards for judges again? He had had enough time to tell me. Shit. I was so screwed. I looked at my clock too see that it was 3 in the morning. Just a few hours before another fucking audition. I rolled over and closed my eyes, hoping to get some shut-eye like Tre had advised me to.
* * * * * * * *
I felt something crawl up next to me underneath the sheets. I screwed up into a ball to try and get back to sleep, clamping my eyes shut again. Then I felt a hand slip around my waist underneath my T-Shirt. It was so fucking cold it made me jump. Wait, a second…..SHIT!!! Billie Joe! I bolted upright in bed and found him lying next to me in the bed.
“Billie Joe!� I screamed.
“What!?� He grumbled, annoyed.
I could smell the alcohol on him. It wasn’t good. He was drunk and trying to crawl into bed with me. God knows what state of mind he was in. Maybe it was best if I didn’t know!
“You’re in my bed!� I screamed again, rubbing my tired eyes.
“Does it look like I care?� He yawned.
“No….but I do!�
“What’s so wrong with it?� He mumbled before falling back to sleep again.
“Oh, forget it.� I cried, rolling out of bed.
His hand shot out form under the duvet and grabbed my arm.
“Don’t be like this. Come back to sleep. You need it as much as I do.� He slurred, still not moving, his eyes still closed.
“Yeah, and why is that?� I cried sarcastically. “Because I have another fucking audition tomorrow that no-one told me about.�
“Oh shit…�
“Yeah, it IS shit Billie Joe. Bullshit.�
“I’m sorry. I must have forgotten or something.� He groaned once again, sitting up from beneath the covers that were nearly covering his head. “I was going to tell you. Honestly I was. I was having such a good time last night, I just seemed to forget about everything else. �
“You forget a lot of things don’t you.� I whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed, my back turned to him.
“What do you mean?� he wondered, frowning constantly from lack of sleep.
“Never mind.� I grunted, fed up with his questioning.
“Stef.� He pulled me back down onto the edge of the bed as I tried to walk away again.
“Billie Joe, don’t you remember that kiss the other day?�
“Yeah, sure I do! Do you think I wouldn’t?� He softly told me, a loving smile on his face.
“Then why didn’t you mention it again after?�
“Was I meant to?� I asked, chewing his tongue.
“Oh, never mind!�
I slowly got up from the edge of the bed against his force and started to walk out into the suite.
“Where are you going?�
“To practise on my guitar.�
“Don’t.� Billie Joe pleaded. “You need to have some sleep.�
“Billie Joe, I need to work out another song for the audition tomorrow. I’m so screwed!�
“No you’re not.� He assured me, lying back down. “If you practise now when you’re tired, then yeah, you ARE screwed. Trust me�
Trust him? TRUST HIM? I wanted to, but I didn’t know whether to or not. I slowly walked towards the side of the bed he was in, listening to what he had to say.
“Come back to bed and I’ll help you with your audition first thing in the morning.�
I hesitated, and then looked straight into his eyes that were bloodshot, just like mine and Tre’s. Probably Mike’s too. Behind all the alcohol and confusion, I saw someone who was loving and caring. True to his word.
“Promise?�
“I promise.� He whispered, taking my hand in his.
I smiled back tiredly, and bowed my head deep in thought. He dragged me back into bed using my arm and laid me next to him. I turned to face him, to look at his peaceful sleeping face. I never knew rock stars could look so cute when they were sleeping. An extra bonus I suppose. I lay there, motionless, watching him sleep peacefully, his chest moving up and down lightly from breathing. But for some reason, I had this burning feeling inside of me that told me something wasn’t right. I felt so awkward. This just didn’t feel right, for some reason. It was all wrong, this should be feeling perfect. But it just wasn’t. Something was wrong. What was wrong with me?
“Billie Joe.� I whispered.
“Hmmmmmmm?� He hummed, his eyebrows raising.
“This just feels wrong.�
“What does?�
“Us. Together. In the same bed.�
“Why is it?�
“It just doesn’t feel right. I don’t know why. I have a weird feeling that something’s going to go wrong.�
“Like what? What’s wrong with sharing the same bed?� He protested.
Use your brain Billie Joe! You Nimrod! I like you, A LOT, we are sharing a bed, we are both drunk and could easily take advantage of each other, and oh yeah, not to mention you have a family!!!!
“You have a wife Billie Joe who loves you.� I started.
“I know I do. You think I don’t know that? What’s that got to do with it anyways?� He groaned, his eyes pouring into mine. “But it’s not like we’re going to do anything is it Stef?�
Now he had asked THE question!!! Well, by the sounds of it, you don’t want anything to happen, so I guess no, nothing was going to happen. You know how to make me feel special and wanted don’t you?
“No.� I replied, disappointed.
Now I knew how he really felt. He had just used me to get to my bed. He didn’t want to make anything out of it.
“Right then. Now try and get some sleep.�
When he had climbed into the bed, I thought he was drunk and wanted a fuck. That’s why I had moved so quickly; thinking about his family and what damage it would do to them. But now I wish he had fucked me. Because that would have been better than the loneliness I was feeling right now. I rolled my eyes, and turned my back to him to get some sleep. This was weird. Of all the things we COULD be doing in this bed, we laid backs turned to each other, not speaking. Why did nothing turn out right for me when it came to guys? They were too complicated…especially Billie Joe.
* * * * * * * *
I woke up with Billie Joe crushed against me. He had taken up all the room in the bed and now I was laying tight straight in the little space he had left me. He tried to roll over further, pushing me off the side. I nudged him back in the opposite direction with my elbow, to give me some breathing space. God he was strong against me. I lay there for minutes, looking at his sweet sleeping face. God, he looked mighty cute first thing in the morning. I climbed out of bed and rolled out onto the floor. My clothes were all scrumpled and creased from where I had been lying. I walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains, letting the sun rip through the bedroom. I stretched up high with my arms, grunting at the same time.
“Stef….� Billie Joe groaned, waking up.
I turned round to see him lying on his stomach, with the duvet draped over the top of his head and muffled hair. His face was creased and he slowly put his hand up to shield his gorgeous starlet eyes from the bright light.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.� I told him, pulling an ‘opps’ face, if there really is such a thing.
I yawned and paused for a moment to think. Billie Joe dug further underneath the duvet, hiding from the light. I scattered about the room, trying to find my black converse. I searched under items of clothing and bags; trying to find my beloved shoes I had cherished since the day I bought them.
“Hey, they’re my shoes!� Billie Joe cried, peeping through the gap between the shoes and realising I was slipping on his kewl black tennis shoes.
“And that’s my bed.� I replied, pointing to him, spread out under the duvet. “But I let you have it.�
He gave me a confused look before sitting up and leaning against the headboard. He watched me check myself out in the mirror, wiping off my smudged eyeliner around my bloodshot eyes.
“Where you going?� he asked, cocking his head to one side.
“To the shop downstairs. I’m hungry. Do you want anything?�
“Just some coffee and waffles. I’ve got a sudden urge for waffles all of the sudden.� He said between yawning.
* * * * * * * *
We both munched lightly on our waffles I had bought, and Billie Joe had cooked.
“Wow, you’re really good at cooking waffles.� I told him, between mouthfuls of delicious waffle and syrup.
“Thanks. Jakob and Joseph love it when I cook them waffles.� He smiled.
“I can see why. They’re delicious. When I try to cook them, I either cook them too much or too little. I’m not domesticated at all! Ask my mum.�
We both laughed together, Billie Joe trying not to get his syrup everywhere. It was dripping off the side of his waffle.
“Of course, nothing can beat Pop Tarts.� I mentioned, taking another bite.
“What the fuck are Pop Tarts?� Billie Joe questioned, pulling a confused smile.
“You never heard of Pop Tarts?� I asked in shock horror. “God, you’re missing out. They’re the best thing in the world!�
“Right.� Billie Joe said, not having a clue on what I was talking about and tucking into his second waffle.
“If you ever come to the UK again, you’ll have to try them. My mum used to always give them to me for breakfast before school in the morning when I was a kid.�
Billie Joe looked at me with those GORGEOUS eyes of his, the ones that twinkled in the light.
“What?� I asked, wondering why the hell he was staring at me, which was making me nervous.
“Your eyes.� He whispered.
“What about them?�
“Nothing. They’re just so gorgeous.�
Vice-versa Billie Joe. Wait a minute; was he calling MY eyes gorgeous??? Was he fucking BLIND?!? A smile started to break across my face as his did too. He had a big dollop of syrup on the edge of his mouth from where his waffle had been bitten. I tried to hide my laugher but a big smile broke out on my spotty face.
“What?� He asked, smiling.
“You have, erm…� I started then used my hand to point to the side of my mouth.
“Oh…� he giggled.
He quickly put down his waffle and moved his finger around his mouth, trying to wipe the syrup away.
“Gone?� He asked, showing the side of his face where the syrup had now been spread across his cheek. His fingers were now sticky and he kept them still in the air to prevent him from making everything else sticky.
“Come here…� I laughed as I leaned towards his face.
I wiped the syrup off of his face and around his mouth with my finger. He looked at me as my finger ran across the edge of his lip. He smiled a hot warm smile at me, one that made my heart race for miles. I managed to give him a corner of a smile back, my finger still on the side of his lip. I yearned for him to grab hold of me and protect me forever. God, I wish he had fucked me last night. I slowly ran my finger over his lip again, not thinking about what I was doing. I was like, transfixed. Not that I hadn’t been before by him though! I bit my own lip deep in thought, starring into his lush green eyes again. I took in every little detail of them and recorded it in my mind. My hand moved from the side of his face and down to his chin. What the fuck was I doing? He had a wife, 2 kids, and there was a big age gap between us!!! I tried to break away, but I couldn’t. Billie Joe looked pretty hypnotized too. I sighed heavily and moved my hand away from his face. I turned awkwardly away from him and got up from my seat. Billie Joe cocked his head to one side, and twisted his jaw to the other. His teeth lightly gritted against each other. He sat there thinking and watching me scurry off. He could tell I was embarrassed. He seemed to be so laid back and kewl about the whole thing though. That was one thing that made me feel awkward – he hardly ever felt embarrassed. He took everything on the chin. The chin I had just been toughing. Oh shit….I had made a complete idiot of myself now.
“Erm, where’s…my…guitar…� I asked, stuttering and frantically rummaging around trying to find it.
“Over in the corner. Where you left it last night.� He said, STILL smiling and pointing to my guitar.
Billie Joe, stop fucking smiling! It makes me nervous! How did he know where I had left my guitar? What did he know that I didn’t? I picked up my guitar by the neck and dragged it back to our seating spot. I kept my eyes down on my guitar as I tried to take it out of its cover. I wanted to cry and let all of my emotions out. I so badly wanted to scream the place down. He didn’t know that today it was 3 years since my Granddad had died. The Granddad that always understood me and kept me safe. I had never really gotten over his death. I still cried about it. I frantically tried to undo the zip on the case but it got jammed and I broke it in frustration. I had so many emotions inside of me that were clashing with each other.
“Oh, this FUCKING THING!� I screamed, my fists clenching and shaking.
I slammed my guitar on the counter, not thinking about the consequences it would have on it.
“Hey, hey!� Billie Joe whispered, taking my hands and holding them to prevent them from shaking.
A tear rolled down my cheek as he took my chin and lifted it up with his finger.
“It’s ok.� He whispered softly to me, looking deep into my eyes.
Another tear parted from my eye and he leaned forward to give me another hug.
“Come here.� He whispered, hugging me tight and rocking me back and forth.
This felt so right. I wish it could last forever. But I knew deep down that it couldn’t, and it never would. I hadn’t felt this safe since my Granddad had died. Billie Joe pulled away and clasped his hands on the side of my arms tightly.
“Everything will be fine. I promise. Just trust me. We’ll get through this together, whatever you’re feeling. You can tell me about it later, but at the moment I’m keeping I’m promise of helping you with your audition. Have you chosen a song yet?�
I shook my head pathetically as I wiped away my tears. I looked back in my hands to see what I had wiped away form my cheek. I wanted to tell him everything, about all my troubles and feelings. But now wasn’t the time. I just wanted somebody to love me. My life was a wreck, and who was to blame?
“Well, I’ve already chosen for you. You’re playing Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Ok?� Billie Joe told me, determined to help me.
I nodded, and watched him as he grabbed my guitar and started tuning it up.
“Thank you.� I whimpered, starting to cry again, the tears dwelling in my eyes.
God, he was determined wasn’t he?
“Tre, if you’ve got something to tell me, please say it. If it’s one thing I hate its people leading me on and then not telling me the full story.� I whined to him, moving my hands from off of my knees and standing up straight.
The night air was cold and was fresh on our chests because we were breathing so heavily.
“I don’t know whether you’ll like it or not.� Tre sighed, avoiding eye contact with me.
“Whether I will or not, I still want to hear it.� I sighed, sitting back down by the recycling bin because my legs couldn’t hold my weight any longer.
There was an awkward pause between us as I ran my fingers through my wind swept hair.
“Well,� Tre started again. “Let’s just say I like you, a bit…more…than…a…friend.�
I looked at him in surprise. I had never seen Tre like this before. He was sort of speechless, and to me that’s the 8th wonder of the world! I never thought I’d see the day when Tre Cool was lost for words! God, I thought it was going to be hard making something with Billie Joe, but now Tre was jumping in and giving me offers. Maybe Billie Joe was just awkward. What the fuck was I meant to do? Turn him down? I couldn’t. I didn’t have the guts to. He couldn’t help it if he liked me. But that was the most confusing bit. Why did he like me? Nobody like’s me, in that sort of way.
“I know you and Billie Joe have a little ‘thing’ going on, so that’s why I’m telling you now, while he’s not around.� Tre whispered softly before crouching down next to me and leaning against the wall.
“What makes you think that?� I asked, my headache becoming more painful by the minute from the amount of alcohol.
“Cut the crap Stef.� Tre groaned. “We all know something’s going on between you two. Even Mike’s noticed.�
“But that’s the thing Tre.� I cried. “There’s nothing going on between us, no matter what it looks like. They’ll never be a ‘me and Billie Joe.’ He has a wife for fuck’s sake!�
“That doesn’t mean anything.�
“Yes, it does!� I laughed.
“What’s with the hand holding, the hugging, and the fucking staring each other until one of you drops dead then?!?� Tre questioned, a little confused.
“Just good friends.� I sighed slowly, silently crying inside.
“That’s shit.� Tre told me.
“I know it is. But I know for a fact that Billie Joe doesn’t want anything to happen between us.�
“Have you talked to him then?�
“No. But by what happened the other day, I kind of got the message.�
“Wait,� Tre interrupted me. “What happened the other day?�
“Oh, shit. You don’t know do you?� I cried, frowning.
Tre shook his head violently, eager to hear what I had to say. Excitement seemed to flicker behind his watery bloodshot eyes.
“When Billie Joe came to my suite - I think it was, Tuesday, we ended up having a tickling fight because I wouldn’t give him my Coke. You can kind of guess of what happened from there.�
A big smile had spread across Tre’s face.
“Whoa! You two fucked?!?� He blurted out, too excited for comfort.
“No!� I screamed back. “We kissed.�
“Oh,� Tre said, a little disappointed. “Not as exciting as I thought then.�
“Tre!� I screamed, hitting him over the head with little energy I had left, annoyed.
“Ok! Alright, stop hitting me already! Geeze. So what happened after that?�
“We never got to the end because Adrienne called mid-snog and Billie Joe had to pull away and answer it.�
“Ain’t that always the way.� Tre sighed. “But surely, he must have said something to you after?
“Not a thing. It was like it had never happened. He just carried on like normal. I was going to say something to him, but Mike came along and he had to go to a press conference - or something. I got the impression that he didn’t want to mention it because he thought it was a big mistake.� I groaned, banging my head back against the wall.
“I’m sure that’s not the way Billie Joe wanted you to take it.� Tre said sympathetically, giving me a hug.
I was too tired to pull away from him after his confession, so I just lay in his arms, my head pounding and my mind bubbled with questions.
“Billie Joe doesn’t like to show his feelings. He’s a sensitive guy.�
“I know. That’s what I’m afraid of.� I whimpered into Tre.
“Come on,� he whispered after a while. “We better get back to the hotel before the cops decide to take another tour down this block again.�
He got up and helped me to my feet, my legs still wanting to snap. We picked up the bottles of stolen booze and sneaked back to the hotel, watching out for the cops from every corner. We stumbled up the stairs, happy that we were safe from them for at least tonight.
“Tre,� I groaned, leaning on the door to my suite. “I’m gonna get my hoody. Come with me.�
“Yeah sure.� He answered, as I gave him the bottles of booze that were in my hands.
He waited behind me as I tried to frantically open the door with my card key, almost snapping it in half. I can never do these fucking things! I sneaked into my suite, which was pitch black. Tre stood in the doorway and waited for me, the bottles of booze in his hands. They belonged in his more than they did mine. I stumbled around, trying to find the doorway to my bedroom. I rummaged around and pulled out my black Green Day Nimrod hoody. As I walked out of my bedroom, I saw someone or something from the corner of my eye. I screamed as load as I could, swivelling around to see a black shadow in the corner. Tre came running in and turned the light on. He grabbed me around the shoulders to protect me from whatever was in my suite.
“What the fuck?!? BILLIE JOE!� Tre cried, letting go of his grip suddenly at the sight of Billie Joe.
I don’t think he wanted Billie Joe to suspect anything. But at the moment, Billie Joe was too pissed to acknowledge anything. He was crouched in the corner of my suite, laughing his head off. He had scared the fucking shit out of me.
“What are you doing?� Tre cried again.
I was too tired to shout at him and ask questions. I just left it all to Tre.
Billie Joe couldn’t speak for laughing, so he pointed to the balcony, where someone else was. Mike. He was squatted over the edge of the balcony with his trousers down, having a shit.
“Mike!� Tre screamed, not knowing whether to laugh or shout at him.
I sniggered at Mike’s constipated face, the adrenaline still pouring through my body from my scare. Mike let out a sigh and pulled his trousers up as he got down from the railing of the balcony. He peered over the edge to see where his Dookie had fallen.
“Right on some dude’s car!� He laughed, closing the balcony doors and sitting next to Billie Joe who was still laughing uncontrollably.
“Why did you have to do it from my balcony?� I whined, still clutching my hoody tight.
“Just made it more fun.� Mike laughed. “Made it funnier if we did it someone else’s suite and not ours. Make’s it more risky�
“Mike you’re a bastard.� Tre sniggered.
“I know.� Mike smirked, taking a bow.
I sighed and sat down on the sofa, moving away from Tre. I just wanted to go to sleep. I slowly spread out across the sofa, pulling my hoody over my tired body. There was no point in going back to their suite since they were all in mine. Anyways, I didn’t trust 3 drunken rock stars alone in my suite with my stuff.
* * * * * * * *
I opened my eyes from my snoozing spot on the sofa, to see Tre and Mike getting up and tip toeing out of the suite, trying not to wake me. I quickly snapped from my sleep and sat up.
“Where are you guys going?� I asked, rubbing my eyes and smudging my eyeliner everywhere.
“To bed.� Mike groaned, realising I was up and that he’d probably have to face a round of questions before he could get to bed.
“Back to our suite.� Yawned Tre.
“What about Billie Joe?� I asked, frowning.
“What about him?� Mike replied. “We can’t wake him so he’ll have to stay here.�
“He can’t stay here!� I screamed, vaguely pointing to him.
He was spread out on the other sofa, his left arm and leg swinging off the edge. He had a beer bottle lightly sitting in his hand. His mouth was open and he was drooling all across the fabric. He looked kinda cute like that.
“Why not?� Mike asked. “Just leave him there. He’ll be fine. If we try and wake him he’ll only get aggressive with us. The booze has knocked him for 6.�
“No! Take him back!� I screamed again.
“No!�
“Yes! Please!� I pleaded with them.
“What do you have against him staying here anyways?� Mike asked, frowning and scratching his head.
“Nothing…� I hesitated.
I shot a look at Tre. I think he understood by look etched across his face.
“He’ll be fine Stef. Don’t worry about it.� Tre assured me, winking, so Mike didn’t see or understand what we were going on about.
I looked at Billie Joe once again. He looked so sweet when he was asleep. I looked back at Tre. Mike was already out the door and trying to get back into their own suite that was probably trashed and littered with bottles.
“Don’t worry Stef.� Tre assured me again, whispering. “You’ll be fine. I’ll try and talk to Billie Joe tomorrow about, - well you know what.�
He cut his sentence short as Mike stood in the doorway.
“Are you fucking coming or what Tre? Or am I going to have the suite to myself?� He groaned.
He didn’t look too good either. None of us did. Maybe we had celebrated too much. Can there be such a thing?
“Alright, calm down Mike. I’m coming.�
Mike disappeared into their suite and Tre went to go out the door when he called back to me, clutching onto the doorframe.
“Oh Stef,�
“Yeah?�
“Try and get some sleep for the rest of the night. You’ve got another long day tomorrow.�
“Another long day?� I asked, leaning over the back of the sofa so I could see him. What the fuck was he going on about?
“Didn’t Billie tell you?� He asked, a little shocked.
“No!?�
“Your next audition’s tomorrow.�
Then he disappeared behind the door as he closed it shut and turned the light out.
* * * * * * * *
BUM FUCK!!! I had another audition? TOMORROW!!!! Shit, what was I going to play? I lay in bed still with my day clothes on, staring up at my posters. What the fuck was I going to play? Billie Joe, why hadn’t you told me? Why did he not tell me that I would have to face those bastards for judges again? He had had enough time to tell me. Shit. I was so screwed. I looked at my clock too see that it was 3 in the morning. Just a few hours before another fucking audition. I rolled over and closed my eyes, hoping to get some shut-eye like Tre had advised me to.
* * * * * * * *
I felt something crawl up next to me underneath the sheets. I screwed up into a ball to try and get back to sleep, clamping my eyes shut again. Then I felt a hand slip around my waist underneath my T-Shirt. It was so fucking cold it made me jump. Wait, a second…..SHIT!!! Billie Joe! I bolted upright in bed and found him lying next to me in the bed.
“Billie Joe!� I screamed.
“What!?� He grumbled, annoyed.
I could smell the alcohol on him. It wasn’t good. He was drunk and trying to crawl into bed with me. God knows what state of mind he was in. Maybe it was best if I didn’t know!
“You’re in my bed!� I screamed again, rubbing my tired eyes.
“Does it look like I care?� He yawned.
“No….but I do!�
“What’s so wrong with it?� He mumbled before falling back to sleep again.
“Oh, forget it.� I cried, rolling out of bed.
His hand shot out form under the duvet and grabbed my arm.
“Don’t be like this. Come back to sleep. You need it as much as I do.� He slurred, still not moving, his eyes still closed.
“Yeah, and why is that?� I cried sarcastically. “Because I have another fucking audition tomorrow that no-one told me about.�
“Oh shit…�
“Yeah, it IS shit Billie Joe. Bullshit.�
“I’m sorry. I must have forgotten or something.� He groaned once again, sitting up from beneath the covers that were nearly covering his head. “I was going to tell you. Honestly I was. I was having such a good time last night, I just seemed to forget about everything else. �
“You forget a lot of things don’t you.� I whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed, my back turned to him.
“What do you mean?� he wondered, frowning constantly from lack of sleep.
“Never mind.� I grunted, fed up with his questioning.
“Stef.� He pulled me back down onto the edge of the bed as I tried to walk away again.
“Billie Joe, don’t you remember that kiss the other day?�
“Yeah, sure I do! Do you think I wouldn’t?� He softly told me, a loving smile on his face.
“Then why didn’t you mention it again after?�
“Was I meant to?� I asked, chewing his tongue.
“Oh, never mind!�
I slowly got up from the edge of the bed against his force and started to walk out into the suite.
“Where are you going?�
“To practise on my guitar.�
“Don’t.� Billie Joe pleaded. “You need to have some sleep.�
“Billie Joe, I need to work out another song for the audition tomorrow. I’m so screwed!�
“No you’re not.� He assured me, lying back down. “If you practise now when you’re tired, then yeah, you ARE screwed. Trust me�
Trust him? TRUST HIM? I wanted to, but I didn’t know whether to or not. I slowly walked towards the side of the bed he was in, listening to what he had to say.
“Come back to bed and I’ll help you with your audition first thing in the morning.�
I hesitated, and then looked straight into his eyes that were bloodshot, just like mine and Tre’s. Probably Mike’s too. Behind all the alcohol and confusion, I saw someone who was loving and caring. True to his word.
“Promise?�
“I promise.� He whispered, taking my hand in his.
I smiled back tiredly, and bowed my head deep in thought. He dragged me back into bed using my arm and laid me next to him. I turned to face him, to look at his peaceful sleeping face. I never knew rock stars could look so cute when they were sleeping. An extra bonus I suppose. I lay there, motionless, watching him sleep peacefully, his chest moving up and down lightly from breathing. But for some reason, I had this burning feeling inside of me that told me something wasn’t right. I felt so awkward. This just didn’t feel right, for some reason. It was all wrong, this should be feeling perfect. But it just wasn’t. Something was wrong. What was wrong with me?
“Billie Joe.� I whispered.
“Hmmmmmmm?� He hummed, his eyebrows raising.
“This just feels wrong.�
“What does?�
“Us. Together. In the same bed.�
“Why is it?�
“It just doesn’t feel right. I don’t know why. I have a weird feeling that something’s going to go wrong.�
“Like what? What’s wrong with sharing the same bed?� He protested.
Use your brain Billie Joe! You Nimrod! I like you, A LOT, we are sharing a bed, we are both drunk and could easily take advantage of each other, and oh yeah, not to mention you have a family!!!!
“You have a wife Billie Joe who loves you.� I started.
“I know I do. You think I don’t know that? What’s that got to do with it anyways?� He groaned, his eyes pouring into mine. “But it’s not like we’re going to do anything is it Stef?�
Now he had asked THE question!!! Well, by the sounds of it, you don’t want anything to happen, so I guess no, nothing was going to happen. You know how to make me feel special and wanted don’t you?
“No.� I replied, disappointed.
Now I knew how he really felt. He had just used me to get to my bed. He didn’t want to make anything out of it.
“Right then. Now try and get some sleep.�
When he had climbed into the bed, I thought he was drunk and wanted a fuck. That’s why I had moved so quickly; thinking about his family and what damage it would do to them. But now I wish he had fucked me. Because that would have been better than the loneliness I was feeling right now. I rolled my eyes, and turned my back to him to get some sleep. This was weird. Of all the things we COULD be doing in this bed, we laid backs turned to each other, not speaking. Why did nothing turn out right for me when it came to guys? They were too complicated…especially Billie Joe.
* * * * * * * *
I woke up with Billie Joe crushed against me. He had taken up all the room in the bed and now I was laying tight straight in the little space he had left me. He tried to roll over further, pushing me off the side. I nudged him back in the opposite direction with my elbow, to give me some breathing space. God he was strong against me. I lay there for minutes, looking at his sweet sleeping face. God, he looked mighty cute first thing in the morning. I climbed out of bed and rolled out onto the floor. My clothes were all scrumpled and creased from where I had been lying. I walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains, letting the sun rip through the bedroom. I stretched up high with my arms, grunting at the same time.
“Stef….� Billie Joe groaned, waking up.
I turned round to see him lying on his stomach, with the duvet draped over the top of his head and muffled hair. His face was creased and he slowly put his hand up to shield his gorgeous starlet eyes from the bright light.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.� I told him, pulling an ‘opps’ face, if there really is such a thing.
I yawned and paused for a moment to think. Billie Joe dug further underneath the duvet, hiding from the light. I scattered about the room, trying to find my black converse. I searched under items of clothing and bags; trying to find my beloved shoes I had cherished since the day I bought them.
“Hey, they’re my shoes!� Billie Joe cried, peeping through the gap between the shoes and realising I was slipping on his kewl black tennis shoes.
“And that’s my bed.� I replied, pointing to him, spread out under the duvet. “But I let you have it.�
He gave me a confused look before sitting up and leaning against the headboard. He watched me check myself out in the mirror, wiping off my smudged eyeliner around my bloodshot eyes.
“Where you going?� he asked, cocking his head to one side.
“To the shop downstairs. I’m hungry. Do you want anything?�
“Just some coffee and waffles. I’ve got a sudden urge for waffles all of the sudden.� He said between yawning.
* * * * * * * *
We both munched lightly on our waffles I had bought, and Billie Joe had cooked.
“Wow, you’re really good at cooking waffles.� I told him, between mouthfuls of delicious waffle and syrup.
“Thanks. Jakob and Joseph love it when I cook them waffles.� He smiled.
“I can see why. They’re delicious. When I try to cook them, I either cook them too much or too little. I’m not domesticated at all! Ask my mum.�
We both laughed together, Billie Joe trying not to get his syrup everywhere. It was dripping off the side of his waffle.
“Of course, nothing can beat Pop Tarts.� I mentioned, taking another bite.
“What the fuck are Pop Tarts?� Billie Joe questioned, pulling a confused smile.
“You never heard of Pop Tarts?� I asked in shock horror. “God, you’re missing out. They’re the best thing in the world!�
“Right.� Billie Joe said, not having a clue on what I was talking about and tucking into his second waffle.
“If you ever come to the UK again, you’ll have to try them. My mum used to always give them to me for breakfast before school in the morning when I was a kid.�
Billie Joe looked at me with those GORGEOUS eyes of his, the ones that twinkled in the light.
“What?� I asked, wondering why the hell he was staring at me, which was making me nervous.
“Your eyes.� He whispered.
“What about them?�
“Nothing. They’re just so gorgeous.�
Vice-versa Billie Joe. Wait a minute; was he calling MY eyes gorgeous??? Was he fucking BLIND?!? A smile started to break across my face as his did too. He had a big dollop of syrup on the edge of his mouth from where his waffle had been bitten. I tried to hide my laugher but a big smile broke out on my spotty face.
“What?� He asked, smiling.
“You have, erm…� I started then used my hand to point to the side of my mouth.
“Oh…� he giggled.
He quickly put down his waffle and moved his finger around his mouth, trying to wipe the syrup away.
“Gone?� He asked, showing the side of his face where the syrup had now been spread across his cheek. His fingers were now sticky and he kept them still in the air to prevent him from making everything else sticky.
“Come here…� I laughed as I leaned towards his face.
I wiped the syrup off of his face and around his mouth with my finger. He looked at me as my finger ran across the edge of his lip. He smiled a hot warm smile at me, one that made my heart race for miles. I managed to give him a corner of a smile back, my finger still on the side of his lip. I yearned for him to grab hold of me and protect me forever. God, I wish he had fucked me last night. I slowly ran my finger over his lip again, not thinking about what I was doing. I was like, transfixed. Not that I hadn’t been before by him though! I bit my own lip deep in thought, starring into his lush green eyes again. I took in every little detail of them and recorded it in my mind. My hand moved from the side of his face and down to his chin. What the fuck was I doing? He had a wife, 2 kids, and there was a big age gap between us!!! I tried to break away, but I couldn’t. Billie Joe looked pretty hypnotized too. I sighed heavily and moved my hand away from his face. I turned awkwardly away from him and got up from my seat. Billie Joe cocked his head to one side, and twisted his jaw to the other. His teeth lightly gritted against each other. He sat there thinking and watching me scurry off. He could tell I was embarrassed. He seemed to be so laid back and kewl about the whole thing though. That was one thing that made me feel awkward – he hardly ever felt embarrassed. He took everything on the chin. The chin I had just been toughing. Oh shit….I had made a complete idiot of myself now.
“Erm, where’s…my…guitar…� I asked, stuttering and frantically rummaging around trying to find it.
“Over in the corner. Where you left it last night.� He said, STILL smiling and pointing to my guitar.
Billie Joe, stop fucking smiling! It makes me nervous! How did he know where I had left my guitar? What did he know that I didn’t? I picked up my guitar by the neck and dragged it back to our seating spot. I kept my eyes down on my guitar as I tried to take it out of its cover. I wanted to cry and let all of my emotions out. I so badly wanted to scream the place down. He didn’t know that today it was 3 years since my Granddad had died. The Granddad that always understood me and kept me safe. I had never really gotten over his death. I still cried about it. I frantically tried to undo the zip on the case but it got jammed and I broke it in frustration. I had so many emotions inside of me that were clashing with each other.
“Oh, this FUCKING THING!� I screamed, my fists clenching and shaking.
I slammed my guitar on the counter, not thinking about the consequences it would have on it.
“Hey, hey!� Billie Joe whispered, taking my hands and holding them to prevent them from shaking.
A tear rolled down my cheek as he took my chin and lifted it up with his finger.
“It’s ok.� He whispered softly to me, looking deep into my eyes.
Another tear parted from my eye and he leaned forward to give me another hug.
“Come here.� He whispered, hugging me tight and rocking me back and forth.
This felt so right. I wish it could last forever. But I knew deep down that it couldn’t, and it never would. I hadn’t felt this safe since my Granddad had died. Billie Joe pulled away and clasped his hands on the side of my arms tightly.
“Everything will be fine. I promise. Just trust me. We’ll get through this together, whatever you’re feeling. You can tell me about it later, but at the moment I’m keeping I’m promise of helping you with your audition. Have you chosen a song yet?�
I shook my head pathetically as I wiped away my tears. I looked back in my hands to see what I had wiped away form my cheek. I wanted to tell him everything, about all my troubles and feelings. But now wasn’t the time. I just wanted somebody to love me. My life was a wreck, and who was to blame?
“Well, I’ve already chosen for you. You’re playing Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Ok?� Billie Joe told me, determined to help me.
I nodded, and watched him as he grabbed my guitar and started tuning it up.
“Thank you.� I whimpered, starting to cry again, the tears dwelling in my eyes.
God, he was determined wasn’t he?
