A Note Don't Come Easy, chapter 12
I sat tightly in the corner of the limo that was taking us to our destination – the audition. I was shitting myself! I had never been so unprepared for something like this in my life before. I sat there trying to go over and over what Billie Joe had taught me a few hours ago. His voice boomed inside of my head. I was so gonna screw up, I just knew it. There was no way I was going to survive this audition. I just managed to scrape through the last one, and for that I was prepared, so what made me think this would be any easier?
“You ok Stef?� Tre asked, raising his eyebrows.
Ok with what? The audition or my situation with Billie Joe?
“Erm, …yeah.� I lied, hesitating for not knowing what to say.
“You’ll be fine.� Billie Joe smiled at me, before placing his hand on my knee.
I managed to smile back, but my face quickly changed as soon as he turned to look out the blacked out window. He fiddled with his wedding ring in his other hand that was up against his face, using his thumb, while Mike slept in the seat opposite him, trying to shift his hangover. I saw this as my opportunity to shoot a look at Tre, who was sitting opposite me. I made sure Billie Joe was occupied looking out the window, before I mouthed the words “I-need-to-talk-to-you,� to Tre.
He tilted his head to one side in confusion, trying to understand me. I made hand signals, pointing to me, showing two fingers, using my hand to create a mouth talking and then pointing to him, whilst exaggerating the words again by mouthing.
“Oh!� he mouthed, finally understanding me. “Why?�
I paused, and then slowly tilted my head in the direction of Billie Joe, who was still peering through the window. Tre nodded, understanding me, and then too, looked out of the window deep in thought. I didn’t want Tre to be the carrier of all my troubles, but he was the only person I could really talk to about me and Billie Joe. The limo slowed to a stop, and pulled up next to the sidewalk. Mike stirred from his sleep.
“Why have we stopped?� He groaned, finding it hard to keep his eyes open.
“You’re stop Stef.� Billie Joe told me, snapping me from my thoughts.
“Oh, right, yeah.� I stuttered, quickly jumping out of the limo and onto the Boulevard.
I turned around and took one final look at Billie Joe before the door slammed shut. The limo drove away, leaving me just standing there, gormless. It was yesterday being repeated all over again. The only difference was that I had a hangover and I knew what the judges would be like. Complete and utter bastards. That’s what. I glanced up to the green sign that read “Palm’s Sun Boulevard.� I had never seen a boulevard sign before. That’s sad I know, but when you live in the UK, you become fascinated with the American lifestyle and environment. Or maybe that was just me being a freak, as usual…
* * * * * * * *
I picked up my audition number and headed for the nearest corner to practise on my guitar. My number this time was 657. At least I didn’t have to wait as long as I had to yesterday. I pulled the guitar from its cover, and wiped off the dust, propping it up on my lap. I quietly started to play the chords to Boulevard of Broken Dreams, making sure I had the timing right. I just sat there amongst all the hopefuls that had turned up for their second audition, just like me. I kept my head down and concentrated on my playing. I needed all the luck I could get. I loved Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I never got bored of it. I used to always listen to it when I was depressed or felt lonely at home. It was my song. I did walk a lonely road, because no one never really understood me. Except for my Granddad. Shit. My granddad. I missed him so much. I wish he were still here, next to me, giving me advice and love. I suddenly fucked up the chords because my fingers overlapped each other, and I was thinking about other things. I wasn’t concentrating.
“Shit!� I grunted, examining my busted fingers.
A group of girls with studs pierced across their faces were watching me, and laughing. Their hair was scrapped back and to be honest, they looked like disgusted pigs. They caught me staring at them, and then started laughing again, except for one who clutched a guitar. They made me so fucking angry. I grabbed my guitar and ran out of the studio as fast as I could. I ran down the boulevard, dashing past all the people heading in the opposite direction. I weaved in between them, not thinking about what I was doing or where I was going. Something was wrong with me in the head. I needed help so badly. So many things had confused me and fucked me up. I thought my life would have been better if I moved here, but it just made things more complicated. Why had my Granddad died? Why was my life such a mess? Why was I on this fucking planet, living? Why was Billie Joe acting like an arsehole? Why couldn’t things ever be simple? I stopped suddenly, thinking about Billie Joe. I couldn’t run away from him. Not after all that had happened. Where was I going to go? I had no money. I slowly looked up and watched the people cross the road. I silently watched a mother and her daughter walk across the road, hand in hand. I was crying inside, wanting to be loved. The mother then picked the child up the on the other side of the road, hugging her tight, making her smile sweetly and glow with warmth. She didn’t know how lucky she was. What was I doing? I craved for what that little girl had. That’s all I wanted. Reality suddenly hit me again, and realising the consequences of my actions, I walked back to the studio. Things would only be alright if I made them. It was all up to me. If I wanted to get through this audition, I had to fucking play hard. If I wanted to love, I would somehow find them. And if I wanted something to happen with Billie Joe, I HAD to make it happen.
* * * * * * * *
I stood by the double doors, leading to the room where Green Day and the judges were. My heart was racing like mad, I was so nervous. I waited for number 656 to come out before I went in. One of the girls who had laughed at me earlier walked out, her fists full of rage and anger. It was the same one who was holding the guitar. She stared at me coldly, before stomping off to join her bitch buddies. They eyed me carefully as I walked into the room, guitar clutched in my hand. I walked in to see Tre, Mike, Billie Joe and the two judges sitting in the exactly same seats as they had been yesterday. You could tell that the judges didn’t get on with Green Day, by the huge gap in between their seats. Tre, Mike and Billie Joe all sat huddled together at one end of the table, while Igor and his ‘friend’ sat at the other, literally on each other’s laps.
“Hello again…..� The woman judge started, trailing off as she forgot my name.
“Stef.� I filled her in, forcing a half smile.
I might as well try to be polite to them if I wanted to get through to the next round.
“Stef. And what are you going to play for us?� She asked, chewing on a new piece of gum she had purchased.
“Erm,� I stuttered because I was so nervous.
I saw from the corner of my eye Billie Joe shift in his seat. Perhaps he was nervous for me too.
“Boulevard of Broken Dreams.� I told her, forcing her to scribble more notes down.
I stood there waiting for a reply or an instruction on what to do next, my grip tightening on the neck of my guitar. The strings were pressing into my palm.
“Well, what are you waiting for then?� Igor, the male judge grunted at me, waving his arm about.
I scrambled to grab a stool quickly as he carried on shouting abuse at me.
“Do you think we have time for all of this? No!� he screamed again.
The woman judge patted his hand, whispering to him;
“Calm down Igor. Calm down.�
Tre sniggered, trying to control his laughter that was trapped inside of him. I hated those judges. If it wasn’t for Tre’s constant humour, I would have walked out by now. I sat on the stool and propped my guitar into position. I closed my eyes and then hesitantly, started strumming the first notes and chords of Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I played it with such emotion and feeling, that it nearly made me cry. That song was exactly how I was feeling at the moment. Billie Joe was right. Songs did sound better when they had meaning to them. I strummed the last chord, and then slowly slipped off the stool, before looking up at the judges. Igor sat there with his arms cross, staring right at me. You know when you get that horrible feeling, when a guy looks at you and you feel he’s undressing you with his eyes? That’s what I felt Igor or whatever his name is was doing to me. I wanted Billie Joe to scoop me up in his arms and protect me, but I couldn’t let the judges know that I knew Green Day personally. I watched Igor and his lady friend chat discuss amongst themselves, whilst Tre waved at me from under the table, pulling a big happy face smile. I smiled back at him, hoping that the judges wouldn’t notice.
“Toni,� Igor whined to the other judge. “Please listen to me.�
So that was her name. Toni. Toni and Igor. They both sounded as strange as each other. I stood and waited as the judges argued and quarrelled over my performance. Billie Joe looked tense too. I think we all just wanted them to hurry up and tell us if I was through or not. Mike only wanting them to hurry up so he could sleep.
“Well, there’s a few questions to ask before I can make a final decision.� Toni snooted, putting down her pencil and clasping her hands together head-teacher style.
Tre rolled his eyes in desperation and banged his head on the table. Billie Joe sat there and bit his lip nervously, waiting for the taunting questions. Mike looked tired, still suffering from a hangover. I think he just wanted to go bed.
“Why did you choose to play that particular song?� Toni asked, pouting her lips.
Oh, she needed to get a life, seriously!
“Because it’s relevant to me, me and my life.� I blurted, the tears welling up inside me.
“Tell me, how is it relevant?� Toni asked again, now chewing the end of her pencil.
Oh why did she have to ask so fucking stupid questions?!? And God, she did like to chew things didn’t she? I looked down at my feet in mental agony, not knowing whether to answer the question truthfully or not. I looked up at Billie Joe, who was now on the edge of his seat, urging me on to answer the question. He could tell that something was wrong with me.
“Erm…� I began again, my tears returning. “Well, my Granddad was the only one who understood me and listened to me. He was like, my guardian angel. You know, the one person you can talk to? And well, he died…� I trailed off.
I wiped away my tears and wiped my hands on my trousers nervously.
“No one understood me at home. I was alone really. And today has been 3 years since my Granddad died, and that’s why I played that song.� I blurted, the tears now streaming down my cheeks.
It hadn’t been the reason to why I had played it. I had played it because that’s what Billie Joe had chosen for me. But that was the reason to why I had put so much feeling into it and I that song was relevant to me. Toni nodded as if she understood, and then scribbled down a few more notes on her pieces of file paper. I finally took the courage to look up at Billie Joe, my eyes swept with tears. His face was speechless; his mouth was just wide open. His eyes seemed to be tearful too. Tre just gave me a puppy dog face, which made me want to cry even more.
“That will do for now.� Toni whispered to me.
Wow, she was actually nice to me for once! She paused for a while, and all you could was my snivelling. Billie Joe felt trapped behind the table. He wanted to come and hug me, but he couldn’t because then our cover would be blown. It was like he was watching me suffer whilst being chained to the table, not being able to help. I could tell it in his gorgeous desperate eyes. Watching him made me feel so sad inside. I hated watching people suffer. I cried at the most stupidest things. Toni finally put down her pencil and looked at me straight in the eye.
“Well, I’m happy to say, that you are in the next round!� She announced, placing her hands on her knees, as if I was a little kid or something.
I was so happy. (You’ve probably read this somewhere before that I’m happy, but hey!) Igor didn’t look impressed though. Screw him!!! I deserved this. A smile broke across Tre and Billie Joe’s face. Mike had fallen asleep, but he smiled at some point through snoozing so I guess that’s just as good!
“Whoever trained you trained you well.� Toni told me, picking up her pencil again, ready for the next hopeful.
I glanced at Billie Joe, smiling, and then I left with a quick ‘thank you.’
I walked out back into the lobby of the studio, where those girls were still standing. I smiled at them, knowing that I had gotten through to the next round, and they hadn’t. It gave me pleasure knowing that those bitches who laughed at me were suffering for once. Even if it was just over a Green Day concert.
“Don’t fucking smile at me whore!� One of them screamed at me as I walked past.
I just carried on walking, ignoring them, like I did with the bullies at school. I knew that answering back to them would get my face busted up. Not that it was pretty in the first place. Did I do wrong in smiling at her? Probably
“Hey! I’m talking to you!� she screamed again.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, and the next thing I know; I’ve been swivelled round and was facing 4 angry looking bitches. They towered over me, their various face piercings shining in the light. They looked awful. I tried to walk away, but I was grabbed harshly on the arm.
“What makes you think you can walk away?� Their leader snorted at me, the girl who had had the audition before me.
I looked into her cold eyes. Why were there people like this in the world?
“Hey!� A security guard called from the corner, realising that something was up.
The 4 girls sharply turned their heads to the guard and then back to me. They leaned forward right into my face and whispered:
“Don’t think this is over...cunt.�
They slundered off out of the studio and down the boulevard. I watched them as they disappeared around the building, I could hear them laughing. People like that don’t deserve to laugh.
“Are you ok?� The guard asked, approaching me.
“Yeah, I’m ok thanks.�
“No problems. If anything like that happens again, come and find someone.� He told me, patting me on the shoulder.
I smiled at him, still a little worried about what might happen if I went outside and bumped into them again. The guard wandered off back to his corner mumbling;
“Kids these days. Don’t know the meaning of respect.�
* * * * * * * *
I sat in my suite, spread out across the sofa, watching the tube. Nothing good was on, which was normal for this time of the day. I had walked straight back to the hotel after my audition, since I didn’t want to hang around any longer to find out more about those girls. What was their problem anyway? Just because I had survived the audition. Billie Joe was probably wondering where I was. I was meant to meet him in the parking lot again but that meant risking my skin with those girls. I wanted to call him to tell him where I was, and that I was safe, but I didn’t have his cell number. At least it gave Tre chance to speak to him when they were in the limo, and at least here I was safe. I somehow don’t think that we will be celebrating tonight! Mike was still suffering from last night! Poor Mike. He was the one who drank the least and still he was the one with the massive hangover. I wish there was a computer around. I so badly wanted to go on my favourite Green Day site Geek Stink Breath and talk to all my Green Day buddies I had met on there. I missed them all; especially Nat, Ashlee, Cady, Tunny, Flaming Phalanges and GreenDayAngel. I loved our little chats we had. I missed my pals so much. They were still at home, admiring over Green Day, while I was here socialising with Green Day. Kinda puts it into perspective doesn’t it! There wasn’t a computer around though. I relied on technology too much.
* * * * * * * *
I had fallen asleep on the sofa whilst watching the tube. I glanced at it too see what was on. Some couple have sex in some crappy soap. How fake did that look? Anyway, how was I meant know? I glanced up at the delicate carved ceiling and thought back to last night, when Billie Joe had crawled into bed with me. I wish he had fucked me. I had strong feelings for him. I really do sound like a teenie, but you can’t help having feelings for someone, can you? Just like Tre couldn’t help having feelings for me. Did he really mean it or was he just mucking, or was he just pissed? He didn’t sound like he was mucking. I had never seen Tre act so serious before. One good thing about it though was that Tre was now helping me out with Billie Joe. He had sorta turned into my agony uncle! I don’t know whether he would like that though! Stealing last night had given me such a drive. It was so full of excitement and energy. Tre did know how to do things in style didn’t he? There was a knock at the door and the sound of Mike’s groaning voice outside.
“Coming!� I called, rolling off the sofa and plodding over to the door. I opened it to Billie Joe and Tre, who walked in. I guess they knew that they were welcome in my suite now after last night and all the things we’ve been through.
“Mike gone to bed?� I asked, closing the door, knowing that that’s where he would be if he wasn’t there.
“Yeah. He’s gotta a massive hangover and a thumping headache.� Tre told me, walking into the lounge. “Poor bastard.�
Tre stopped in his tracks as his eyes laid on the tube and the couple having sex.
“Whoa! Good stuff on tube! Good stuff on tube!� He screamed, jumping onto the sofa to watch the porn.
“Oh shit. I left it on.� I whined, pointing at the TV.
“Stef, if you wanted to watch porn, you only had to say. No need to hide it from us.� Tre smirked, eager to catch every detail of the scene. “Billie Joe watches it every night before he goes to bed.�
“Oh, shut your mouth Tre!� Billie Joe cried, half smiling.
He didn’t seem as cheery and happy as he usually did. He took my hand, and softly leaned towards to whisper in my ear;
“Why didn’t you tell me?�
I looked at him, clueless of what to say. His eyes were tearful, and he seemed hurt.
I shook my head in disbelief, wanting to cry again.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!� Tre screamed, jumping up and down as the woman on the tube had an orgasm. “Whooo!�
Billie Joe ignored him, and tucked my hair behind my ear, still keeping eye contact with me. Tre then started rubbing his hands up and down his thighs, screaming at the top of his lungs;
“Go on! She’s going for it again!�
Billie Joe looked at him pathetically and annoyed, and dragged me to my bedroom to get away from the noise. He pushed the door shut so only a little gap was left barely open.
“That’s better. All that noise was giving me a headache.� He rolled eyes, pointing to outside and then joining me on the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, what kind of show shows stuff like that at this time of day anyway?� I asked, frowning.
“American shows.� Billie Joe smirked, laughing at his own comment. “Tre just gets all little, over excited.�
“I don’t think that’s the phrase!� I giggled, my body tired and aching.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. God, he was so warm, like a radiator, or was that his love? Corny ain’t I? I rested my head on his shoulder, tired and weepy.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?� He whispered, breaking the silence.
“About what?� I asked, knowing perfectly well what he meant.
“Your Granddad?� He whispered again, after hesitating whether to mention it or not.
“I don’t know,� I croaked, chocking back the tears. “I wanted to, but…I don’t know.�
“It’s ok. I understand.� He told me, stroking my hair.
I knew he wasn’t just saying that, he really did mean it. He knew what it was like to loose a family member, but I gave him all my credit, because his dad died when he was a lot younger than me. We seemed to sit there for ages, just in each other’s arms. I wanted him to kiss me, right now, but nothing happened. I felt like singing the lyrics to ‘Tired of waiting for you’ from Shenanigans. ‘Cos, I’m so tired, tired of waiting, tired of waiting for you.’ He must have read my thoughts, because then his gentle hand slowly moved from my waist to under my top and up, and this time he wasn’t drunk or wanted my bed. Oh God, was this it? I didn’t know, but I had suddenly grown VERY, very nervous.
“You ok Stef?� Tre asked, raising his eyebrows.
Ok with what? The audition or my situation with Billie Joe?
“Erm, …yeah.� I lied, hesitating for not knowing what to say.
“You’ll be fine.� Billie Joe smiled at me, before placing his hand on my knee.
I managed to smile back, but my face quickly changed as soon as he turned to look out the blacked out window. He fiddled with his wedding ring in his other hand that was up against his face, using his thumb, while Mike slept in the seat opposite him, trying to shift his hangover. I saw this as my opportunity to shoot a look at Tre, who was sitting opposite me. I made sure Billie Joe was occupied looking out the window, before I mouthed the words “I-need-to-talk-to-you,� to Tre.
He tilted his head to one side in confusion, trying to understand me. I made hand signals, pointing to me, showing two fingers, using my hand to create a mouth talking and then pointing to him, whilst exaggerating the words again by mouthing.
“Oh!� he mouthed, finally understanding me. “Why?�
I paused, and then slowly tilted my head in the direction of Billie Joe, who was still peering through the window. Tre nodded, understanding me, and then too, looked out of the window deep in thought. I didn’t want Tre to be the carrier of all my troubles, but he was the only person I could really talk to about me and Billie Joe. The limo slowed to a stop, and pulled up next to the sidewalk. Mike stirred from his sleep.
“Why have we stopped?� He groaned, finding it hard to keep his eyes open.
“You’re stop Stef.� Billie Joe told me, snapping me from my thoughts.
“Oh, right, yeah.� I stuttered, quickly jumping out of the limo and onto the Boulevard.
I turned around and took one final look at Billie Joe before the door slammed shut. The limo drove away, leaving me just standing there, gormless. It was yesterday being repeated all over again. The only difference was that I had a hangover and I knew what the judges would be like. Complete and utter bastards. That’s what. I glanced up to the green sign that read “Palm’s Sun Boulevard.� I had never seen a boulevard sign before. That’s sad I know, but when you live in the UK, you become fascinated with the American lifestyle and environment. Or maybe that was just me being a freak, as usual…
* * * * * * * *
I picked up my audition number and headed for the nearest corner to practise on my guitar. My number this time was 657. At least I didn’t have to wait as long as I had to yesterday. I pulled the guitar from its cover, and wiped off the dust, propping it up on my lap. I quietly started to play the chords to Boulevard of Broken Dreams, making sure I had the timing right. I just sat there amongst all the hopefuls that had turned up for their second audition, just like me. I kept my head down and concentrated on my playing. I needed all the luck I could get. I loved Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I never got bored of it. I used to always listen to it when I was depressed or felt lonely at home. It was my song. I did walk a lonely road, because no one never really understood me. Except for my Granddad. Shit. My granddad. I missed him so much. I wish he were still here, next to me, giving me advice and love. I suddenly fucked up the chords because my fingers overlapped each other, and I was thinking about other things. I wasn’t concentrating.
“Shit!� I grunted, examining my busted fingers.
A group of girls with studs pierced across their faces were watching me, and laughing. Their hair was scrapped back and to be honest, they looked like disgusted pigs. They caught me staring at them, and then started laughing again, except for one who clutched a guitar. They made me so fucking angry. I grabbed my guitar and ran out of the studio as fast as I could. I ran down the boulevard, dashing past all the people heading in the opposite direction. I weaved in between them, not thinking about what I was doing or where I was going. Something was wrong with me in the head. I needed help so badly. So many things had confused me and fucked me up. I thought my life would have been better if I moved here, but it just made things more complicated. Why had my Granddad died? Why was my life such a mess? Why was I on this fucking planet, living? Why was Billie Joe acting like an arsehole? Why couldn’t things ever be simple? I stopped suddenly, thinking about Billie Joe. I couldn’t run away from him. Not after all that had happened. Where was I going to go? I had no money. I slowly looked up and watched the people cross the road. I silently watched a mother and her daughter walk across the road, hand in hand. I was crying inside, wanting to be loved. The mother then picked the child up the on the other side of the road, hugging her tight, making her smile sweetly and glow with warmth. She didn’t know how lucky she was. What was I doing? I craved for what that little girl had. That’s all I wanted. Reality suddenly hit me again, and realising the consequences of my actions, I walked back to the studio. Things would only be alright if I made them. It was all up to me. If I wanted to get through this audition, I had to fucking play hard. If I wanted to love, I would somehow find them. And if I wanted something to happen with Billie Joe, I HAD to make it happen.
* * * * * * * *
I stood by the double doors, leading to the room where Green Day and the judges were. My heart was racing like mad, I was so nervous. I waited for number 656 to come out before I went in. One of the girls who had laughed at me earlier walked out, her fists full of rage and anger. It was the same one who was holding the guitar. She stared at me coldly, before stomping off to join her bitch buddies. They eyed me carefully as I walked into the room, guitar clutched in my hand. I walked in to see Tre, Mike, Billie Joe and the two judges sitting in the exactly same seats as they had been yesterday. You could tell that the judges didn’t get on with Green Day, by the huge gap in between their seats. Tre, Mike and Billie Joe all sat huddled together at one end of the table, while Igor and his ‘friend’ sat at the other, literally on each other’s laps.
“Hello again…..� The woman judge started, trailing off as she forgot my name.
“Stef.� I filled her in, forcing a half smile.
I might as well try to be polite to them if I wanted to get through to the next round.
“Stef. And what are you going to play for us?� She asked, chewing on a new piece of gum she had purchased.
“Erm,� I stuttered because I was so nervous.
I saw from the corner of my eye Billie Joe shift in his seat. Perhaps he was nervous for me too.
“Boulevard of Broken Dreams.� I told her, forcing her to scribble more notes down.
I stood there waiting for a reply or an instruction on what to do next, my grip tightening on the neck of my guitar. The strings were pressing into my palm.
“Well, what are you waiting for then?� Igor, the male judge grunted at me, waving his arm about.
I scrambled to grab a stool quickly as he carried on shouting abuse at me.
“Do you think we have time for all of this? No!� he screamed again.
The woman judge patted his hand, whispering to him;
“Calm down Igor. Calm down.�
Tre sniggered, trying to control his laughter that was trapped inside of him. I hated those judges. If it wasn’t for Tre’s constant humour, I would have walked out by now. I sat on the stool and propped my guitar into position. I closed my eyes and then hesitantly, started strumming the first notes and chords of Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I played it with such emotion and feeling, that it nearly made me cry. That song was exactly how I was feeling at the moment. Billie Joe was right. Songs did sound better when they had meaning to them. I strummed the last chord, and then slowly slipped off the stool, before looking up at the judges. Igor sat there with his arms cross, staring right at me. You know when you get that horrible feeling, when a guy looks at you and you feel he’s undressing you with his eyes? That’s what I felt Igor or whatever his name is was doing to me. I wanted Billie Joe to scoop me up in his arms and protect me, but I couldn’t let the judges know that I knew Green Day personally. I watched Igor and his lady friend chat discuss amongst themselves, whilst Tre waved at me from under the table, pulling a big happy face smile. I smiled back at him, hoping that the judges wouldn’t notice.
“Toni,� Igor whined to the other judge. “Please listen to me.�
So that was her name. Toni. Toni and Igor. They both sounded as strange as each other. I stood and waited as the judges argued and quarrelled over my performance. Billie Joe looked tense too. I think we all just wanted them to hurry up and tell us if I was through or not. Mike only wanting them to hurry up so he could sleep.
“Well, there’s a few questions to ask before I can make a final decision.� Toni snooted, putting down her pencil and clasping her hands together head-teacher style.
Tre rolled his eyes in desperation and banged his head on the table. Billie Joe sat there and bit his lip nervously, waiting for the taunting questions. Mike looked tired, still suffering from a hangover. I think he just wanted to go bed.
“Why did you choose to play that particular song?� Toni asked, pouting her lips.
Oh, she needed to get a life, seriously!
“Because it’s relevant to me, me and my life.� I blurted, the tears welling up inside me.
“Tell me, how is it relevant?� Toni asked again, now chewing the end of her pencil.
Oh why did she have to ask so fucking stupid questions?!? And God, she did like to chew things didn’t she? I looked down at my feet in mental agony, not knowing whether to answer the question truthfully or not. I looked up at Billie Joe, who was now on the edge of his seat, urging me on to answer the question. He could tell that something was wrong with me.
“Erm…� I began again, my tears returning. “Well, my Granddad was the only one who understood me and listened to me. He was like, my guardian angel. You know, the one person you can talk to? And well, he died…� I trailed off.
I wiped away my tears and wiped my hands on my trousers nervously.
“No one understood me at home. I was alone really. And today has been 3 years since my Granddad died, and that’s why I played that song.� I blurted, the tears now streaming down my cheeks.
It hadn’t been the reason to why I had played it. I had played it because that’s what Billie Joe had chosen for me. But that was the reason to why I had put so much feeling into it and I that song was relevant to me. Toni nodded as if she understood, and then scribbled down a few more notes on her pieces of file paper. I finally took the courage to look up at Billie Joe, my eyes swept with tears. His face was speechless; his mouth was just wide open. His eyes seemed to be tearful too. Tre just gave me a puppy dog face, which made me want to cry even more.
“That will do for now.� Toni whispered to me.
Wow, she was actually nice to me for once! She paused for a while, and all you could was my snivelling. Billie Joe felt trapped behind the table. He wanted to come and hug me, but he couldn’t because then our cover would be blown. It was like he was watching me suffer whilst being chained to the table, not being able to help. I could tell it in his gorgeous desperate eyes. Watching him made me feel so sad inside. I hated watching people suffer. I cried at the most stupidest things. Toni finally put down her pencil and looked at me straight in the eye.
“Well, I’m happy to say, that you are in the next round!� She announced, placing her hands on her knees, as if I was a little kid or something.
I was so happy. (You’ve probably read this somewhere before that I’m happy, but hey!) Igor didn’t look impressed though. Screw him!!! I deserved this. A smile broke across Tre and Billie Joe’s face. Mike had fallen asleep, but he smiled at some point through snoozing so I guess that’s just as good!
“Whoever trained you trained you well.� Toni told me, picking up her pencil again, ready for the next hopeful.
I glanced at Billie Joe, smiling, and then I left with a quick ‘thank you.’
I walked out back into the lobby of the studio, where those girls were still standing. I smiled at them, knowing that I had gotten through to the next round, and they hadn’t. It gave me pleasure knowing that those bitches who laughed at me were suffering for once. Even if it was just over a Green Day concert.
“Don’t fucking smile at me whore!� One of them screamed at me as I walked past.
I just carried on walking, ignoring them, like I did with the bullies at school. I knew that answering back to them would get my face busted up. Not that it was pretty in the first place. Did I do wrong in smiling at her? Probably
“Hey! I’m talking to you!� she screamed again.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, and the next thing I know; I’ve been swivelled round and was facing 4 angry looking bitches. They towered over me, their various face piercings shining in the light. They looked awful. I tried to walk away, but I was grabbed harshly on the arm.
“What makes you think you can walk away?� Their leader snorted at me, the girl who had had the audition before me.
I looked into her cold eyes. Why were there people like this in the world?
“Hey!� A security guard called from the corner, realising that something was up.
The 4 girls sharply turned their heads to the guard and then back to me. They leaned forward right into my face and whispered:
“Don’t think this is over...cunt.�
They slundered off out of the studio and down the boulevard. I watched them as they disappeared around the building, I could hear them laughing. People like that don’t deserve to laugh.
“Are you ok?� The guard asked, approaching me.
“Yeah, I’m ok thanks.�
“No problems. If anything like that happens again, come and find someone.� He told me, patting me on the shoulder.
I smiled at him, still a little worried about what might happen if I went outside and bumped into them again. The guard wandered off back to his corner mumbling;
“Kids these days. Don’t know the meaning of respect.�
* * * * * * * *
I sat in my suite, spread out across the sofa, watching the tube. Nothing good was on, which was normal for this time of the day. I had walked straight back to the hotel after my audition, since I didn’t want to hang around any longer to find out more about those girls. What was their problem anyway? Just because I had survived the audition. Billie Joe was probably wondering where I was. I was meant to meet him in the parking lot again but that meant risking my skin with those girls. I wanted to call him to tell him where I was, and that I was safe, but I didn’t have his cell number. At least it gave Tre chance to speak to him when they were in the limo, and at least here I was safe. I somehow don’t think that we will be celebrating tonight! Mike was still suffering from last night! Poor Mike. He was the one who drank the least and still he was the one with the massive hangover. I wish there was a computer around. I so badly wanted to go on my favourite Green Day site Geek Stink Breath and talk to all my Green Day buddies I had met on there. I missed them all; especially Nat, Ashlee, Cady, Tunny, Flaming Phalanges and GreenDayAngel. I loved our little chats we had. I missed my pals so much. They were still at home, admiring over Green Day, while I was here socialising with Green Day. Kinda puts it into perspective doesn’t it! There wasn’t a computer around though. I relied on technology too much.
* * * * * * * *
I had fallen asleep on the sofa whilst watching the tube. I glanced at it too see what was on. Some couple have sex in some crappy soap. How fake did that look? Anyway, how was I meant know? I glanced up at the delicate carved ceiling and thought back to last night, when Billie Joe had crawled into bed with me. I wish he had fucked me. I had strong feelings for him. I really do sound like a teenie, but you can’t help having feelings for someone, can you? Just like Tre couldn’t help having feelings for me. Did he really mean it or was he just mucking, or was he just pissed? He didn’t sound like he was mucking. I had never seen Tre act so serious before. One good thing about it though was that Tre was now helping me out with Billie Joe. He had sorta turned into my agony uncle! I don’t know whether he would like that though! Stealing last night had given me such a drive. It was so full of excitement and energy. Tre did know how to do things in style didn’t he? There was a knock at the door and the sound of Mike’s groaning voice outside.
“Coming!� I called, rolling off the sofa and plodding over to the door. I opened it to Billie Joe and Tre, who walked in. I guess they knew that they were welcome in my suite now after last night and all the things we’ve been through.
“Mike gone to bed?� I asked, closing the door, knowing that that’s where he would be if he wasn’t there.
“Yeah. He’s gotta a massive hangover and a thumping headache.� Tre told me, walking into the lounge. “Poor bastard.�
Tre stopped in his tracks as his eyes laid on the tube and the couple having sex.
“Whoa! Good stuff on tube! Good stuff on tube!� He screamed, jumping onto the sofa to watch the porn.
“Oh shit. I left it on.� I whined, pointing at the TV.
“Stef, if you wanted to watch porn, you only had to say. No need to hide it from us.� Tre smirked, eager to catch every detail of the scene. “Billie Joe watches it every night before he goes to bed.�
“Oh, shut your mouth Tre!� Billie Joe cried, half smiling.
He didn’t seem as cheery and happy as he usually did. He took my hand, and softly leaned towards to whisper in my ear;
“Why didn’t you tell me?�
I looked at him, clueless of what to say. His eyes were tearful, and he seemed hurt.
I shook my head in disbelief, wanting to cry again.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!� Tre screamed, jumping up and down as the woman on the tube had an orgasm. “Whooo!�
Billie Joe ignored him, and tucked my hair behind my ear, still keeping eye contact with me. Tre then started rubbing his hands up and down his thighs, screaming at the top of his lungs;
“Go on! She’s going for it again!�
Billie Joe looked at him pathetically and annoyed, and dragged me to my bedroom to get away from the noise. He pushed the door shut so only a little gap was left barely open.
“That’s better. All that noise was giving me a headache.� He rolled eyes, pointing to outside and then joining me on the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, what kind of show shows stuff like that at this time of day anyway?� I asked, frowning.
“American shows.� Billie Joe smirked, laughing at his own comment. “Tre just gets all little, over excited.�
“I don’t think that’s the phrase!� I giggled, my body tired and aching.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. God, he was so warm, like a radiator, or was that his love? Corny ain’t I? I rested my head on his shoulder, tired and weepy.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?� He whispered, breaking the silence.
“About what?� I asked, knowing perfectly well what he meant.
“Your Granddad?� He whispered again, after hesitating whether to mention it or not.
“I don’t know,� I croaked, chocking back the tears. “I wanted to, but…I don’t know.�
“It’s ok. I understand.� He told me, stroking my hair.
I knew he wasn’t just saying that, he really did mean it. He knew what it was like to loose a family member, but I gave him all my credit, because his dad died when he was a lot younger than me. We seemed to sit there for ages, just in each other’s arms. I wanted him to kiss me, right now, but nothing happened. I felt like singing the lyrics to ‘Tired of waiting for you’ from Shenanigans. ‘Cos, I’m so tired, tired of waiting, tired of waiting for you.’ He must have read my thoughts, because then his gentle hand slowly moved from my waist to under my top and up, and this time he wasn’t drunk or wanted my bed. Oh God, was this it? I didn’t know, but I had suddenly grown VERY, very nervous.
