A Note Don't Come Easy, chapter 16
I managed to crawl on my side over to the remains of my guitar, still clutching my side in pain. I grabbed hold of the neck of the guitar, only feeling 3 strings left on it. I winched in pain as I settled back down near my beloved guitar that was now in pieces, shattered across the ground. I waited for what seemed like ages for someone to come find me, or for Green Day to come out of the fire exit doors, to catch their ride back to the hotel. Maybe if I waited long enough the driver of their transport would come, and hopefully find me. I was hard to miss, sprawled out across the floor like I was. A taste of blood settled on my lips, knowing that I had some sort of face injury. I attempted to lift my arm up to feel the damage done to my face, but quickly pulled back from the splitting pain ripping through my side. I so badly wanted Billie Joe to scoop me arms up in his arms and protect me forever. Even though yesterday he promised to me that he would protect me and keep me safe, it was impossible to do. I started to groan and sob in pain and sadness at the same time, my head clogged up with so many depressing thoughts. I realised that know one was going to come soon, so I staggered to my feet, despite the pain. I dragged my guitar too, scrapping it on the floor. I dragged my feet back onto the boulevard under the streetlights, limping as I went. I lifted my guitar up and held it close to me, like as if I was carrying a book. I didn’t know the way back to the hotel by foot, so it took me longer than I wanted to. My side was pulsing pain through me, my whole body tensed up, but I couldn’t do anything about it – I had to get back to the hotel. That was the safest and most sensible thing I could do. I finally clambered through the entrance of the hotel, leaning in the doorway to top for a breather. I kept my face down so no one would fully see me and the damage that had been done – I didn’t want any fuss. I just wanted to be in my room, in my bed, and safe – if anything really is safe. I scurried past the reception and took the 8 flights of stairs to get to my hotel room. As I climbed the various staircases, my breathing started to become heavier and the pain more unbearable. I sobbed as I dragged my guitar and myself back to my room. I searched in my pocket with my bruised hand for my room key. Luckily I still had it; otherwise I would have been screwed. More screwed than I was now. I turned the key in the lock, which opened the door up to my room. I closed the door behind me and placed my guitar on floor, before running to the bathroom to check my bruises and cuts. I turned on the light and for the first time, saw myself in the mirror. I had a fat lip and a black eye; you know the traditional effects you get after a bullocking. My arms were bruised and a slash lay on my wrist from where I had been thrown across the floor. I then remembered something sharp slicing me on the arm as I tried to get up to save my guitar. Another spark of pain thrashed in my side, making me clamp my teeth tight to stop the pain. I lifted up my top and found my side smothered in bruises and probably bleeding. Hunching myself over the sink, I turned on the tap and splashed cold water onto my face with my battered hands. A sudden urge came over me, as I reached over and coughed up a load of blood into the sink. I wiped my mouth as I waited to see if there was anymore to come. I sighed in relief that I was at least some part of what safe was, away from those whores that did this to me. I limped back out into the doorway where I had left my guitar. I turned on another light and the reality suddenly hit me of what had actually happened. All of the stickers had been ripped off, only parts of a few still remaining left on that had refused to come off. I ran my finger over the edge of the guitar to find various dents and scratches. The top left corner had come off completely, just like ‘Blue’ with Billie Joe. The whole guitar was smothered in scratches, dents and marks. It was destroyed completely, nothing left of it. I sat on the edge of my bed, the neck of the guitar slipping from my hands because I couldn’t actually believe what had happened. The tears started to fill my eyes again, when the hotel phone rang in my room, making me jump. I looked at it hesitating, shit scared of who would be on the other end. I was paranoid and scared about everything now. I left it to ring for a couple of more second before I reached across the bed and picked it up.
“Hello?� I asked, choking back my tears.
“Oh thank fuck you’re alright and safe in the hotel.� Billie Joe gasped on the other end of the phone.
But I wasn’t all right, and I wasn’t safe.
“Oh, right.� I replied, not knowing what to say.
“Where were you?� He asked. “We waited for you and you weren’t there.�
“Erm,� I croaked, trying to make out that things were ok. “I saw a load of chavs and didn’t want to be battered by them so I decided to come back here where it was safe.�
The truth was, that was what had exactly happened.
“Oh right. Well, you’re safe, and that’s all that matters.� Billie Joe sighed, not knowing anything.
I’m safe now, but I wasn’t earlier.
“Yeah.� I squeaked, my voice becoming dry because I wanted to cry. “Are you ok?�
“Me?! I’m fine.� Billie Joe answered, his tone of voice changing.
“Billie Joe, you didn’t look right in the audition did you?� I told him, demanding the truth.
“Oh the audition!� He cried. “Shit, I fucking forgot. Well done for getting into the final. You did awesome.�
“Yeah, thanks.� I whispered, knowing that I would never be in the final now without a guitar.
“Anyway, I’ve got to go now because I’m shit tired. I’m going to catch some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?�
“Billie Joe, wait!� I called out, but it was too late.
The line went dead and he had gone. I guess I’ll never find out what was wrong with him now. I put the phone back down and rolled onto the bed so I was facing up at the ceiling. It was weird not staring straight into my Green Day posters, which were at the moment rolled up in tubes and strapped to the side of my suitcase. I felt my face with my hand, feeling that the side of my face was soft and bruised. I knew that I should have never come here; the whole idea of mine has done more damage than good.
* * * * * * * *
I lay sprawled out on the double bed, lying on my stomach. I watched the tube as I munched through a bag of Doritos that I had found in the mini bar in my room. I was watching some crappy horror film that only made me scared at the fact of they were actually showing this crap on the TV! The lights were off so the blue light from the tube flickered throughout the room. I crunched on my prized snack when a knock came at the door. I sharply turned my head in the direction of the knocking, not knowing whether to answer it or not. I didn’t want Billie Joe to see me like this. Another knock came as I hesitantly moved from off of the bed, trying not to lean on my left side, which was still throbbing. I slowly opened the door only so much that I could see who it was. I peeped through the gap, and blocked the rest of the door using my weight so know one who I didn’t want to come in would.
“Hey!� Tre grinned on the other side, walking forward.
I still held the door shut so Tre wouldn’t see my face and various bruises. I smiled a weak smile at him, hoping he wouldn’t catch on that something was up.
“ What’s wrong?� He asked, cocking his head to one side and pushing against the door to open it up more.
This wasn’t going to be easy, so I opened up the door fully and let Tre in. He walked in, looking back down the hall to see if anyone was watching. I closed the door behind him and sighed pitifully, knowing what was going to come if I turned around to face him. He went and sat on my bed and made himself comfortable.
“Wow! Doritos!� He grinned, taking one and munching on it.
I walked behind him and looked down in shame as he lay across my bed, exactly how I had. His eyes glued to the tube.
“So, are you happy with the audition then?� He asked. “You’re in the final!�
I didn’t answer. I bit my lip in sorrow as I started to feel my eyes turn watery. He looked up to see my reaction, when he saw my face. His face totally changed from the grin he once had to an expression of shock. He quickly moved form off the bed and stood up in front of me, studying the bruises on my face.
“Shit…� He whispered, not knowing what to say.
I had never seen him this shocked or stunned before. He lifted up his hand and moved his thumb towards my cheek to feel my bruises.
“Don’t…� I managed to say, moving my hand up to push his thumb down away.
“Just let me…� He whispered gently.
I hesitantly put my arm down as he slowly ran his thumb across my cheek and over the bruise.
“Fuck. What happened?� He asked, keeping his thumb on my face and looking into my eyes.
“Nothing.� I replied, not wanting to talk about it.
“It sure doesn’t look like nothing.� Tre smirked sarcastically. “Come on, you can tell me Stef.�
“I…I…� I started, going to sit on the edge of the bed. “I…got beaten…up.�
“When?� Tre asked, shocked.
“When, …I was…when I was waiting for you.� I struggled to say, avoiding eye contact with him.
“Holy fuck.� He groaned, joining me to sit on the edge of the bed. “Who beat you up?�
“I…don’t, I don’t know.� I whimpered. “A group of girls that were hanging around. I know that one of them auditioned though for the competition though. She was before me I think it was, in the second audition. I’d had problems with them before.�
“Why didn’t tell us, or at least me?� Tre whimpered too in shock.
“Because,…because I thought it was just a group of townies who had an attitude problem. I thought that it was just a one off. But I was obviously wrong!� I screamed, frustrated, angry and upset all at the same time.
“Hey, it’s ok. You’re safe now.� Tre softly whispered, hugging me close to him.
I suddenly burst in to tears (again) and buried myself in Tre. I held onto him tight because I was so scared and frightened still from what had happened.
“Why would they want to attack you?� Tre questioned himself, deep in thought.
“All I remember is them screaming at me that I wasn’t fucking worth anything, and how I always thought I was better than anyone.� I croaked between sobs.
“Don’t listen to them.� Tre whispered, still holding onto me tight. “It’s all bullshit, ok? You are worth something, anything then those mother fuckers EVER will. And if it makes you feel better, I don’t think you think that you’re better than anyone. You’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met in a long time. You’re not like those teenies who just want to fuck us all the time.�
I laughed a little through my sobs and whimpers.
“You have to admit it though,� I started, giggling. “I was a teenie to start with when I first met you.�
“I’m sure you weren’t.� Tre smiled, making me feel better. “Just think though, you’re in the final. Those fuckers who beat you up aren’t. You deserve to get where you are.�
The smile faded away from my face at the thought of the final audition. The tears welled up again in my tired strained eyes.
“Tre,� I croaked, looking up at him with sorry eyes.
“Mmmmm?� He hummed, turning to listen to me.
“Im,…I’m not going to be in the final.�
“What?!� He screamed in confusion.
“I mean,…I CAN’T be in the final.�
“Why not?!� Tre wailed, looking down at me for a good explanation.
“Because…because I don’t have a guitar….that’s why.� I stuttered, not wanting to face the reality.
“I don’t understand.� Tre said confusingly. “Why have you suddenly not got a guitar?�
I couldn’t speak because my throat started to swell up from crying, so I pointed to my smashed guitar that was lying in the corner. Tre looked up and his eyes followed to where my finger was pointing to. He slowly got up from the bed and crept over to the corner. He crouched down and in shock found the remains of my guitar I had managed to drag back with me. I snivelled pathetically as he examined it, before looking up at me with sorry eyes.
“I’m really sorry.� He whispered, coming back to me to give me another sympathetic hug. “Maybe we should go to the police.�
I shot a look up at Tre with an expression of fright on my face.
“Tre, we can’t!� I squealed. “That will be handing ourselves over! They’re after us, remember?�
“Oh, shit. I forgot. Sorry.� Tre groaned, in the memory of why we had moved hotels.
“Please don’t tell Billie Joe.� I begged, starting to cry again.
“Why not?!� Tre asked, putting his arm around my shoulder.
“I don’t want him to know or worry about me. He looked upset enough in the audition. I don’t want to put all of my problems onto him.� I whispered, thinking about Billie Joe.
“Don’t worry,� Tre assured me. “I won’t.�
“What was wrong with him anyway?� I asked, wiping the tears off of my face.
“Oh,..� Tre hesitated on whether to tell me or not. “Adrienne called last night.�
I suddenly forgot all of my problems at the hearing of her name and looked into Tre’s eyes with curiosity.
“Shit, she didn’t find out about…us, did she?� I wondered, raising my eyebrows.
“No. It’s nothing like that. They had an argument.�
“Oh, fuck.� I grunted, pulling away from Tre and starting to pace the room. “Is Billie Joe ok?�
“He will be.� Tre told me, slightly smiling.
“What did they argue about?� I asked, without wanting to sound nosey.
“I don’t know…he didn’t say. I couldn‘t get anything out of him.�
“Oh shit.� I whispered, speechless on what to say.
“I know.� Tre sighed. “ He spent most of the evening down in the bar downstairs, pissed out of his head. He didn’t come back up until gone midnight. He really was bad.�
“I want to go see him.� I suddenly decided, stopping pacing in thought.
“What, now?� Tre asked, frowning.
“Yeah, no, I mean…Oh,…I don’t know!� I screeched, holding my head in my hands. “I’m so fucking confused.�
“Hey, hey.� Tre cooed. “Look, get yourself cleaned up and have a rest, ok? You’ve just been beaten up. I’ll send Billie Joe up later, if you promise to do that. Then you two can talk and sort things out.�
“What is there to sort out?� I wondered, sighing and laying on the bed.
“Well, I had a talk with him.�
“You had a talk with Billie Joe?� I asked, excited and curious to hear what he had said. “And…?�
“And he said he needs to talk to you. Get things straight.�
“Oh, bumfuck!� I cried in fear of what Billie Joe had to say.
Tre laughed at me.
“You like using that word don’t you?!� He giggled cheekily.
“What? Bumfuck!?� I answered, smiling. “Yeah I do. Bet you can guess where I got it from though.�
“Surprise me.� Tre urged, now in a full-grown smile.
“Wasting time, wasting time, down a bumfuck road, and I don’t know where the hell it will go.� I sang, moving my feet in rhythm.
“I should have known.� Tre laughed, realising that the lyrics were from ‘All the time’, off of Nimrod.
I stared up at the ceiling, forgetting that re was there, and started to think about Billie Joe, AGAIN. I had him on the brain. It was like a routine to think about him. I started humming to myself the tune of Waiting, when Tre moved from off of the edge of the bed.
“I better get back. I’ve left Mike on his own to occupy Billie Joe and I promised I’d only be 5 minutes.� He sighed, standing up and stretching high. “Promise you’ll have a rest and clean yourself up?�
“Yeah, I promise.� I promised, sitting up on the bed to see him.
“Just, be careful and make sure that Billie Joe doesn’t do anything stupid when he’s up here, ok?� I asked me, pleading with his eyes.
“Don’t worry. I will. I just hope things with him and Adrienne work out soon.� I muttered, fiddling with my hair.
“Yeah, me too. I’ve never seen him so pissed off. It was pretty big. We could hear him shouting down the hall!� Tre commented, moving towards me. “Anyways, I’ll see you later dude.�
He reached across the bed and gave me one last hug, which I accepted. He pulled away and turned to go out the door.
“Good luck with Billie Joe tonight dude. I hope you two get everything sorted out. And remember, I’m only 4 floors away.�
“Thanks Tre.� I called out as he closed the door behind him and took the stairs back down to the 4th floor.
* * * * * * * *
I was actually surprised that I had done what Tre had told me. I was never really the one to take orders when I was at home. I had had a bath, and for the first time had seen the real damage that had been done to my side. It was covered in a big fat bruise, and felt crushed underneath. I really should have gone to hospital, but I couldn’t be bothered. It only meant hours waiting in Casualty for a doctor to see me, only to send me back home again after 5 minutes of examination. I’d been to the hospital too many times. I had tried to cover my various markings and bruises, but it was still obvious that I had had a beating. I sat in the bathroom for ages, trying to cover my bruises up on my face with the little foundation I had left, but it just sometimes made them stand out more. I threw my foundation bottle in frustration at the wall in the bathroom, making it splatter everywhere.
“Shit…� I grunted to myself.
Why had I just done that? Why was I acting like a total jerk? I forcefully picked up the bottle and slammed it on the shelf, the thud echoing throughout the bathroom. I grabbed some toilet roll and started scrubbing away at the tiles on the wall to remove the foundation. It smeared across the tiles, spreading more across the wall. I finished scrubbing and threw the tissue down the loo, wiping my hands on the towel as I walked out. As I passed the door, someone knocked on the other side. I stood frozen, staring at the door, my heart in my throat once again. Another knock came, this time faster, making me snap out of my frozen position. I strolled over the door and opened it without even thinking that it would be Billie Joe. I opened the door fully so he could see my face. Trying to hide it would make the situation more awkward then what it already was, so I showing him now would be somewhat pain free. Billie Joe stood there, sheepishly in front of my door, criss-crossing his feet over each other. At the sound of the door opening he quickly looked up, to look straight into my broken face. His eyes widened at the sight of my bruises and cuts that were etched across my face.
“Oh fuck!� He gasped, lunging forward and hugging me tight in the doorway.
His arms looped over the back of my neck as he held me tight. I staggered back as the force of him throwing himself at me was too much for me to hold. My strength was shattered enough already. I kicked the door shut with one of my legs, as Billie Joe had too tight of a grip on me for me too move. I didn’t want the whole world to see us. As soon as the door was shut, I threw my arms around his back and hugged him tighter to me. His hair tickled the back of my neck, but I didn’t care. We stayed like this for what seemed like ages, never letting go of each other.
“I’m so sorry.� Billie Joe sobbed, his voice muffled. “I should have looked after you more.�
“Billie Joe, it’s not your fault.� I whispered. “Tre obviously told you then.�
“Yeah, he did.� He whispered back, starting to rock backwards and forwards, still hugging me. “I’m so sorry. For everything. I’ve been so fucking stupid.�
“There’s nothing to be sorry for Billie Joe.� I assured him, rocking with him. “It happened, and we can’t change that.�
“But I made a promise to you that I would protect you and keep you safe. After all you’ve been through with your family, and now this. I thought I could make things better, but I obviously couldn’t.�
“Billie Joe…� I groaned, trying to assure him that everything was not his fault.
“No.� Billie Joe whispered back, putting his finger to my lip. “I’ve made such a mess of things, but I just didn’t realise it. I didn’t realise that you felt about me that way.�
I looked down at his finger on my lip, and then into his gorgeous green eyes. I could have died of embarrassment when he said ‘that way.’
“I just didn’t realise how much I had messed with your head. I thought I was making things better but instead I just made you worse.�
“No! I - � I cried out, trying to make Billie Joe understand that none of this was his fault, but I was cut short.
“No Stef. Please just listen to what I have to say.� Billie Joe pleaded. “Now thinking back, I was an arsehole. I should have stood up to my responsibilities after things, ‘happened’ between us. Instead I ran away because I always felt awkward. But now I realise how much I have fucking messed up, I never meant to cause you harm, and now…now this has happened! I’m…I’m so fucking sorry!�
God, he really was wasn’t he? I didn’t even know how much he was until now. I hated him feeling guilty for everything, because half of it was my fault. Well, most of it was my fault. If I hadn’t come here in the first place, no of this would have happened. But good things had come out of this. It was just that the negative things were overpowering them. The phone call from my mum, Emma not believing me, being hunted by the police, the girls who had beaten me up a few hours ago and the crossed feelings between me and Billie Joe. I had caused nothing but trouble for Green Day since the day I had arrived.
“Stef, please forgive me.� Billie Joe sobbed, pouring his heart out to me.
“Billie Joe, you’ve done nothing wrong.� I cried, starting to sob too. “ Please forgive ME.�
Billie Joe looked up with sorry eyes, which met mine. He looked as if he was going to crack any minute. What the fuck had I done?
“Please…� I cried, pleading with him through sobs.
“Oh fuck.� He gasped, realising how much of a bad state we were both in.
He leaned forward again and wrapped me up in his big warming arms. I stood, trapped inside his big frame, sobbing uncontrollably because I was so confused and emotional about everything. He leaned his head on my shoulder and lightly kissed the side of my cheek, the one that wasn’t bruised. It made me shudder inside, because I was finding it hard to understand what was actually happening. I stopped crying and stood there, wrapped up inside him, as he kept on nuzzling himself into me. He grabbed my hand and dragged me to the bed. (Remember it was double!) He pushed me on the edge and leaned over, fully kissing me on the lips. My brain exploded inside, just like it had when we first touched lips. It was probably a soup inside my head! I hesitated inside on whether this should be happening, if Billie Joe was going to ignore me afterwards. But he did sound generally sorry, and maybe, just maybe things might work out. I leaned back, resting on my elbows as he towered over me, still kissing. Suddenly, a splurge of pain ripped through my bad side and I pulled away from Billie Joe to clutch it.
“Ahhh…� I groaned, looking down at my side.
“What?� Billie Joe whispered. “Let…let me have a look…�
I let him slowly lift my top to reveal the big fat bruise that was covering my side. He examined it carefully, gently touching it around the edges to see what it was like.
“Did they…?� He half asked, not wanting to finish the sentence because he knew it was a touchy subject with me.
I nodded my head in agreement as he put my top back down to cover it up. He moved back to on top of me and moved in to steal another kiss. He definitely had different intentions this time if he was coming back for more. My heart was literally in my throat, as he started picking up the pace. He pulled away for a breath of fresh air before he took of his black and white polka dot tie he was wearing. He chucked it on the floor somewhere and undid the top button of his shirt. I watched as I gasped for air too. God, this was amazing. He ran his finger around the neck of his collar, to loosen it up a bit. He leaned over me once again, and moved his face towards mine. He tried to avoid crushing my bad side as he literally crawled over me. I crawled back, shuffling so I wouldn’t fall off the bed. Again, he planted another smacker on my lips, taking short breaths in between.
“This…is…for…getting…into…the…final.� He managed to gasp in between short kisses.
Shit!!! He didn’t know I wasn’t going to be in the final did he? Tre had to tell him everything else, but NOT that! Why was I left with the difficult job?
“Billie Joe…� I gasped, before being pushed down again by him.
“Mmmmmm.� He hummed before un-doing the belt on his trousers.
Fucking hell!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why did I have to fucking tell him that I fucking wasn’t going to the fucking audition right when he was fucking un-doing his fucking trousers!!!!!!!! I wanted to scream.It was like he was in an automatic mode.
“I’m….not…going….to…the…audition.� I stuttered, sitting up.
Billie Joe sharply looked at me in horror, stopping pulling his trousers off.
“What do you mean? You’re not going to the audition? Are you fucking crazy?!� He cried, not understanding me.
“I can’t.� I simply told him, looking away.
“Why not?� He asked, moving to sit next to me.
“I don’t have a guitar.� I whined, looking into his eyes.
“What the fuck are you on about?� He asked, pulling his trousers back up.
Fuck….that’s all I have to say. He was about to whip off his trousers and then I had to go and spoil it all. I couldn’t pretend that everything was all right though. He had a right to know I wasn’t going to be in the final audition.
“Just, take a look over there!� I sighed, pointing to the corner where my battered was lying.
Billie Joe looked in the corner and strained his eyes to see in the dark. He shuffled off the side of the bed and crept over to my guitar, just like Tre had done earlier when he was here. He bent down and carefully scooped up my guitar, well the remains of it anyway.
“Did they do this?� He scowled, looking at me with sorrow in his eyes.
“Yeah.� I croaked, feeling sad and depressed again.
He ran his finger along the neck and the frets of the guitar, feeling the various marks and dents there. He felt for the strings but only found 3 that were still attached. He looked down at the bottom, where my stickers had once been stuck. I couldn’t watch, it was too sad. He seemed so upset, and I had just un-done everything he had put back. Suddenly, a surge of hate and anger overcome him, his fists raging.
“Those mother fucking whores are going to pay for this!� He grunted through his teeth, before putting my guitar back in the corner.
He stood up and brushed himself down from where we had been on the bed and headed towards the door. It was like HE was the guitar, the one suffering the pain. God.
“Where are you going?� I called to him, worried.
“Where do you think?� He growled.
I scampered off of the bed and ran to his side. I made a promise to Tre that Billie Joe wouldn’t do anything stupid, and I was determined to keep that promise.
“Billie Joe, please don’t do anything stupid. Stay here, please!� I begged, grabbing hold his arm that was around me earlier, holding me tight.
“Stef, let go!� He sighed, pushing my hand away. “Those bitches don’t deserve to walk these streets.�
“Billie Joe! Please!�
“They ruined your only chance!� He yelled, looking deep into my eyes, noticing the bruise that surrounded my right one. “They beat you to a pulp and they got away with it for fuck’s sake! It’s not right! They’ve hurt you, and I promised that no one would EVER do that to you again.�
“And I promised Tre that you wouldn’t do anything stupid!� I whined. “Please Billie Joe. Just stay here for one night. It won’t hurt to just let this one go.�
“I can’t Stef.� He whispered, before striding out of the door to my room and going down the hallway.
“Billie Joe!� I whispered loudly to him as he thrashed the staircase door with his foot.
I ran after him, my mind and heart racing at the thought of what he was going to do.
“Billie Joe!� I screamed down the staircase at him again.
I ran after him, ignoring the pain in my side and the fact everyone around could see my bruises. I literally raced down the stairs, taking 3 or even 4 steps at a time.
“Billie Joe!� I screamed again, grabbing his arm and tugging him back.
I wasn’t going to let Tre down. If I promised him that I’d keep Billie Joe safe, then I that’s exactly what I would do.
“Hello?� I asked, choking back my tears.
“Oh thank fuck you’re alright and safe in the hotel.� Billie Joe gasped on the other end of the phone.
But I wasn’t all right, and I wasn’t safe.
“Oh, right.� I replied, not knowing what to say.
“Where were you?� He asked. “We waited for you and you weren’t there.�
“Erm,� I croaked, trying to make out that things were ok. “I saw a load of chavs and didn’t want to be battered by them so I decided to come back here where it was safe.�
The truth was, that was what had exactly happened.
“Oh right. Well, you’re safe, and that’s all that matters.� Billie Joe sighed, not knowing anything.
I’m safe now, but I wasn’t earlier.
“Yeah.� I squeaked, my voice becoming dry because I wanted to cry. “Are you ok?�
“Me?! I’m fine.� Billie Joe answered, his tone of voice changing.
“Billie Joe, you didn’t look right in the audition did you?� I told him, demanding the truth.
“Oh the audition!� He cried. “Shit, I fucking forgot. Well done for getting into the final. You did awesome.�
“Yeah, thanks.� I whispered, knowing that I would never be in the final now without a guitar.
“Anyway, I’ve got to go now because I’m shit tired. I’m going to catch some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?�
“Billie Joe, wait!� I called out, but it was too late.
The line went dead and he had gone. I guess I’ll never find out what was wrong with him now. I put the phone back down and rolled onto the bed so I was facing up at the ceiling. It was weird not staring straight into my Green Day posters, which were at the moment rolled up in tubes and strapped to the side of my suitcase. I felt my face with my hand, feeling that the side of my face was soft and bruised. I knew that I should have never come here; the whole idea of mine has done more damage than good.
* * * * * * * *
I lay sprawled out on the double bed, lying on my stomach. I watched the tube as I munched through a bag of Doritos that I had found in the mini bar in my room. I was watching some crappy horror film that only made me scared at the fact of they were actually showing this crap on the TV! The lights were off so the blue light from the tube flickered throughout the room. I crunched on my prized snack when a knock came at the door. I sharply turned my head in the direction of the knocking, not knowing whether to answer it or not. I didn’t want Billie Joe to see me like this. Another knock came as I hesitantly moved from off of the bed, trying not to lean on my left side, which was still throbbing. I slowly opened the door only so much that I could see who it was. I peeped through the gap, and blocked the rest of the door using my weight so know one who I didn’t want to come in would.
“Hey!� Tre grinned on the other side, walking forward.
I still held the door shut so Tre wouldn’t see my face and various bruises. I smiled a weak smile at him, hoping he wouldn’t catch on that something was up.
“ What’s wrong?� He asked, cocking his head to one side and pushing against the door to open it up more.
This wasn’t going to be easy, so I opened up the door fully and let Tre in. He walked in, looking back down the hall to see if anyone was watching. I closed the door behind him and sighed pitifully, knowing what was going to come if I turned around to face him. He went and sat on my bed and made himself comfortable.
“Wow! Doritos!� He grinned, taking one and munching on it.
I walked behind him and looked down in shame as he lay across my bed, exactly how I had. His eyes glued to the tube.
“So, are you happy with the audition then?� He asked. “You’re in the final!�
I didn’t answer. I bit my lip in sorrow as I started to feel my eyes turn watery. He looked up to see my reaction, when he saw my face. His face totally changed from the grin he once had to an expression of shock. He quickly moved form off the bed and stood up in front of me, studying the bruises on my face.
“Shit…� He whispered, not knowing what to say.
I had never seen him this shocked or stunned before. He lifted up his hand and moved his thumb towards my cheek to feel my bruises.
“Don’t…� I managed to say, moving my hand up to push his thumb down away.
“Just let me…� He whispered gently.
I hesitantly put my arm down as he slowly ran his thumb across my cheek and over the bruise.
“Fuck. What happened?� He asked, keeping his thumb on my face and looking into my eyes.
“Nothing.� I replied, not wanting to talk about it.
“It sure doesn’t look like nothing.� Tre smirked sarcastically. “Come on, you can tell me Stef.�
“I…I…� I started, going to sit on the edge of the bed. “I…got beaten…up.�
“When?� Tre asked, shocked.
“When, …I was…when I was waiting for you.� I struggled to say, avoiding eye contact with him.
“Holy fuck.� He groaned, joining me to sit on the edge of the bed. “Who beat you up?�
“I…don’t, I don’t know.� I whimpered. “A group of girls that were hanging around. I know that one of them auditioned though for the competition though. She was before me I think it was, in the second audition. I’d had problems with them before.�
“Why didn’t tell us, or at least me?� Tre whimpered too in shock.
“Because,…because I thought it was just a group of townies who had an attitude problem. I thought that it was just a one off. But I was obviously wrong!� I screamed, frustrated, angry and upset all at the same time.
“Hey, it’s ok. You’re safe now.� Tre softly whispered, hugging me close to him.
I suddenly burst in to tears (again) and buried myself in Tre. I held onto him tight because I was so scared and frightened still from what had happened.
“Why would they want to attack you?� Tre questioned himself, deep in thought.
“All I remember is them screaming at me that I wasn’t fucking worth anything, and how I always thought I was better than anyone.� I croaked between sobs.
“Don’t listen to them.� Tre whispered, still holding onto me tight. “It’s all bullshit, ok? You are worth something, anything then those mother fuckers EVER will. And if it makes you feel better, I don’t think you think that you’re better than anyone. You’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met in a long time. You’re not like those teenies who just want to fuck us all the time.�
I laughed a little through my sobs and whimpers.
“You have to admit it though,� I started, giggling. “I was a teenie to start with when I first met you.�
“I’m sure you weren’t.� Tre smiled, making me feel better. “Just think though, you’re in the final. Those fuckers who beat you up aren’t. You deserve to get where you are.�
The smile faded away from my face at the thought of the final audition. The tears welled up again in my tired strained eyes.
“Tre,� I croaked, looking up at him with sorry eyes.
“Mmmmm?� He hummed, turning to listen to me.
“Im,…I’m not going to be in the final.�
“What?!� He screamed in confusion.
“I mean,…I CAN’T be in the final.�
“Why not?!� Tre wailed, looking down at me for a good explanation.
“Because…because I don’t have a guitar….that’s why.� I stuttered, not wanting to face the reality.
“I don’t understand.� Tre said confusingly. “Why have you suddenly not got a guitar?�
I couldn’t speak because my throat started to swell up from crying, so I pointed to my smashed guitar that was lying in the corner. Tre looked up and his eyes followed to where my finger was pointing to. He slowly got up from the bed and crept over to the corner. He crouched down and in shock found the remains of my guitar I had managed to drag back with me. I snivelled pathetically as he examined it, before looking up at me with sorry eyes.
“I’m really sorry.� He whispered, coming back to me to give me another sympathetic hug. “Maybe we should go to the police.�
I shot a look up at Tre with an expression of fright on my face.
“Tre, we can’t!� I squealed. “That will be handing ourselves over! They’re after us, remember?�
“Oh, shit. I forgot. Sorry.� Tre groaned, in the memory of why we had moved hotels.
“Please don’t tell Billie Joe.� I begged, starting to cry again.
“Why not?!� Tre asked, putting his arm around my shoulder.
“I don’t want him to know or worry about me. He looked upset enough in the audition. I don’t want to put all of my problems onto him.� I whispered, thinking about Billie Joe.
“Don’t worry,� Tre assured me. “I won’t.�
“What was wrong with him anyway?� I asked, wiping the tears off of my face.
“Oh,..� Tre hesitated on whether to tell me or not. “Adrienne called last night.�
I suddenly forgot all of my problems at the hearing of her name and looked into Tre’s eyes with curiosity.
“Shit, she didn’t find out about…us, did she?� I wondered, raising my eyebrows.
“No. It’s nothing like that. They had an argument.�
“Oh, fuck.� I grunted, pulling away from Tre and starting to pace the room. “Is Billie Joe ok?�
“He will be.� Tre told me, slightly smiling.
“What did they argue about?� I asked, without wanting to sound nosey.
“I don’t know…he didn’t say. I couldn‘t get anything out of him.�
“Oh shit.� I whispered, speechless on what to say.
“I know.� Tre sighed. “ He spent most of the evening down in the bar downstairs, pissed out of his head. He didn’t come back up until gone midnight. He really was bad.�
“I want to go see him.� I suddenly decided, stopping pacing in thought.
“What, now?� Tre asked, frowning.
“Yeah, no, I mean…Oh,…I don’t know!� I screeched, holding my head in my hands. “I’m so fucking confused.�
“Hey, hey.� Tre cooed. “Look, get yourself cleaned up and have a rest, ok? You’ve just been beaten up. I’ll send Billie Joe up later, if you promise to do that. Then you two can talk and sort things out.�
“What is there to sort out?� I wondered, sighing and laying on the bed.
“Well, I had a talk with him.�
“You had a talk with Billie Joe?� I asked, excited and curious to hear what he had said. “And…?�
“And he said he needs to talk to you. Get things straight.�
“Oh, bumfuck!� I cried in fear of what Billie Joe had to say.
Tre laughed at me.
“You like using that word don’t you?!� He giggled cheekily.
“What? Bumfuck!?� I answered, smiling. “Yeah I do. Bet you can guess where I got it from though.�
“Surprise me.� Tre urged, now in a full-grown smile.
“Wasting time, wasting time, down a bumfuck road, and I don’t know where the hell it will go.� I sang, moving my feet in rhythm.
“I should have known.� Tre laughed, realising that the lyrics were from ‘All the time’, off of Nimrod.
I stared up at the ceiling, forgetting that re was there, and started to think about Billie Joe, AGAIN. I had him on the brain. It was like a routine to think about him. I started humming to myself the tune of Waiting, when Tre moved from off of the edge of the bed.
“I better get back. I’ve left Mike on his own to occupy Billie Joe and I promised I’d only be 5 minutes.� He sighed, standing up and stretching high. “Promise you’ll have a rest and clean yourself up?�
“Yeah, I promise.� I promised, sitting up on the bed to see him.
“Just, be careful and make sure that Billie Joe doesn’t do anything stupid when he’s up here, ok?� I asked me, pleading with his eyes.
“Don’t worry. I will. I just hope things with him and Adrienne work out soon.� I muttered, fiddling with my hair.
“Yeah, me too. I’ve never seen him so pissed off. It was pretty big. We could hear him shouting down the hall!� Tre commented, moving towards me. “Anyways, I’ll see you later dude.�
He reached across the bed and gave me one last hug, which I accepted. He pulled away and turned to go out the door.
“Good luck with Billie Joe tonight dude. I hope you two get everything sorted out. And remember, I’m only 4 floors away.�
“Thanks Tre.� I called out as he closed the door behind him and took the stairs back down to the 4th floor.
* * * * * * * *
I was actually surprised that I had done what Tre had told me. I was never really the one to take orders when I was at home. I had had a bath, and for the first time had seen the real damage that had been done to my side. It was covered in a big fat bruise, and felt crushed underneath. I really should have gone to hospital, but I couldn’t be bothered. It only meant hours waiting in Casualty for a doctor to see me, only to send me back home again after 5 minutes of examination. I’d been to the hospital too many times. I had tried to cover my various markings and bruises, but it was still obvious that I had had a beating. I sat in the bathroom for ages, trying to cover my bruises up on my face with the little foundation I had left, but it just sometimes made them stand out more. I threw my foundation bottle in frustration at the wall in the bathroom, making it splatter everywhere.
“Shit…� I grunted to myself.
Why had I just done that? Why was I acting like a total jerk? I forcefully picked up the bottle and slammed it on the shelf, the thud echoing throughout the bathroom. I grabbed some toilet roll and started scrubbing away at the tiles on the wall to remove the foundation. It smeared across the tiles, spreading more across the wall. I finished scrubbing and threw the tissue down the loo, wiping my hands on the towel as I walked out. As I passed the door, someone knocked on the other side. I stood frozen, staring at the door, my heart in my throat once again. Another knock came, this time faster, making me snap out of my frozen position. I strolled over the door and opened it without even thinking that it would be Billie Joe. I opened the door fully so he could see my face. Trying to hide it would make the situation more awkward then what it already was, so I showing him now would be somewhat pain free. Billie Joe stood there, sheepishly in front of my door, criss-crossing his feet over each other. At the sound of the door opening he quickly looked up, to look straight into my broken face. His eyes widened at the sight of my bruises and cuts that were etched across my face.
“Oh fuck!� He gasped, lunging forward and hugging me tight in the doorway.
His arms looped over the back of my neck as he held me tight. I staggered back as the force of him throwing himself at me was too much for me to hold. My strength was shattered enough already. I kicked the door shut with one of my legs, as Billie Joe had too tight of a grip on me for me too move. I didn’t want the whole world to see us. As soon as the door was shut, I threw my arms around his back and hugged him tighter to me. His hair tickled the back of my neck, but I didn’t care. We stayed like this for what seemed like ages, never letting go of each other.
“I’m so sorry.� Billie Joe sobbed, his voice muffled. “I should have looked after you more.�
“Billie Joe, it’s not your fault.� I whispered. “Tre obviously told you then.�
“Yeah, he did.� He whispered back, starting to rock backwards and forwards, still hugging me. “I’m so sorry. For everything. I’ve been so fucking stupid.�
“There’s nothing to be sorry for Billie Joe.� I assured him, rocking with him. “It happened, and we can’t change that.�
“But I made a promise to you that I would protect you and keep you safe. After all you’ve been through with your family, and now this. I thought I could make things better, but I obviously couldn’t.�
“Billie Joe…� I groaned, trying to assure him that everything was not his fault.
“No.� Billie Joe whispered back, putting his finger to my lip. “I’ve made such a mess of things, but I just didn’t realise it. I didn’t realise that you felt about me that way.�
I looked down at his finger on my lip, and then into his gorgeous green eyes. I could have died of embarrassment when he said ‘that way.’
“I just didn’t realise how much I had messed with your head. I thought I was making things better but instead I just made you worse.�
“No! I - � I cried out, trying to make Billie Joe understand that none of this was his fault, but I was cut short.
“No Stef. Please just listen to what I have to say.� Billie Joe pleaded. “Now thinking back, I was an arsehole. I should have stood up to my responsibilities after things, ‘happened’ between us. Instead I ran away because I always felt awkward. But now I realise how much I have fucking messed up, I never meant to cause you harm, and now…now this has happened! I’m…I’m so fucking sorry!�
God, he really was wasn’t he? I didn’t even know how much he was until now. I hated him feeling guilty for everything, because half of it was my fault. Well, most of it was my fault. If I hadn’t come here in the first place, no of this would have happened. But good things had come out of this. It was just that the negative things were overpowering them. The phone call from my mum, Emma not believing me, being hunted by the police, the girls who had beaten me up a few hours ago and the crossed feelings between me and Billie Joe. I had caused nothing but trouble for Green Day since the day I had arrived.
“Stef, please forgive me.� Billie Joe sobbed, pouring his heart out to me.
“Billie Joe, you’ve done nothing wrong.� I cried, starting to sob too. “ Please forgive ME.�
Billie Joe looked up with sorry eyes, which met mine. He looked as if he was going to crack any minute. What the fuck had I done?
“Please…� I cried, pleading with him through sobs.
“Oh fuck.� He gasped, realising how much of a bad state we were both in.
He leaned forward again and wrapped me up in his big warming arms. I stood, trapped inside his big frame, sobbing uncontrollably because I was so confused and emotional about everything. He leaned his head on my shoulder and lightly kissed the side of my cheek, the one that wasn’t bruised. It made me shudder inside, because I was finding it hard to understand what was actually happening. I stopped crying and stood there, wrapped up inside him, as he kept on nuzzling himself into me. He grabbed my hand and dragged me to the bed. (Remember it was double!) He pushed me on the edge and leaned over, fully kissing me on the lips. My brain exploded inside, just like it had when we first touched lips. It was probably a soup inside my head! I hesitated inside on whether this should be happening, if Billie Joe was going to ignore me afterwards. But he did sound generally sorry, and maybe, just maybe things might work out. I leaned back, resting on my elbows as he towered over me, still kissing. Suddenly, a splurge of pain ripped through my bad side and I pulled away from Billie Joe to clutch it.
“Ahhh…� I groaned, looking down at my side.
“What?� Billie Joe whispered. “Let…let me have a look…�
I let him slowly lift my top to reveal the big fat bruise that was covering my side. He examined it carefully, gently touching it around the edges to see what it was like.
“Did they…?� He half asked, not wanting to finish the sentence because he knew it was a touchy subject with me.
I nodded my head in agreement as he put my top back down to cover it up. He moved back to on top of me and moved in to steal another kiss. He definitely had different intentions this time if he was coming back for more. My heart was literally in my throat, as he started picking up the pace. He pulled away for a breath of fresh air before he took of his black and white polka dot tie he was wearing. He chucked it on the floor somewhere and undid the top button of his shirt. I watched as I gasped for air too. God, this was amazing. He ran his finger around the neck of his collar, to loosen it up a bit. He leaned over me once again, and moved his face towards mine. He tried to avoid crushing my bad side as he literally crawled over me. I crawled back, shuffling so I wouldn’t fall off the bed. Again, he planted another smacker on my lips, taking short breaths in between.
“This…is…for…getting…into…the…final.� He managed to gasp in between short kisses.
Shit!!! He didn’t know I wasn’t going to be in the final did he? Tre had to tell him everything else, but NOT that! Why was I left with the difficult job?
“Billie Joe…� I gasped, before being pushed down again by him.
“Mmmmmm.� He hummed before un-doing the belt on his trousers.
Fucking hell!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why did I have to fucking tell him that I fucking wasn’t going to the fucking audition right when he was fucking un-doing his fucking trousers!!!!!!!! I wanted to scream.It was like he was in an automatic mode.
“I’m….not…going….to…the…audition.� I stuttered, sitting up.
Billie Joe sharply looked at me in horror, stopping pulling his trousers off.
“What do you mean? You’re not going to the audition? Are you fucking crazy?!� He cried, not understanding me.
“I can’t.� I simply told him, looking away.
“Why not?� He asked, moving to sit next to me.
“I don’t have a guitar.� I whined, looking into his eyes.
“What the fuck are you on about?� He asked, pulling his trousers back up.
Fuck….that’s all I have to say. He was about to whip off his trousers and then I had to go and spoil it all. I couldn’t pretend that everything was all right though. He had a right to know I wasn’t going to be in the final audition.
“Just, take a look over there!� I sighed, pointing to the corner where my battered was lying.
Billie Joe looked in the corner and strained his eyes to see in the dark. He shuffled off the side of the bed and crept over to my guitar, just like Tre had done earlier when he was here. He bent down and carefully scooped up my guitar, well the remains of it anyway.
“Did they do this?� He scowled, looking at me with sorrow in his eyes.
“Yeah.� I croaked, feeling sad and depressed again.
He ran his finger along the neck and the frets of the guitar, feeling the various marks and dents there. He felt for the strings but only found 3 that were still attached. He looked down at the bottom, where my stickers had once been stuck. I couldn’t watch, it was too sad. He seemed so upset, and I had just un-done everything he had put back. Suddenly, a surge of hate and anger overcome him, his fists raging.
“Those mother fucking whores are going to pay for this!� He grunted through his teeth, before putting my guitar back in the corner.
He stood up and brushed himself down from where we had been on the bed and headed towards the door. It was like HE was the guitar, the one suffering the pain. God.
“Where are you going?� I called to him, worried.
“Where do you think?� He growled.
I scampered off of the bed and ran to his side. I made a promise to Tre that Billie Joe wouldn’t do anything stupid, and I was determined to keep that promise.
“Billie Joe, please don’t do anything stupid. Stay here, please!� I begged, grabbing hold his arm that was around me earlier, holding me tight.
“Stef, let go!� He sighed, pushing my hand away. “Those bitches don’t deserve to walk these streets.�
“Billie Joe! Please!�
“They ruined your only chance!� He yelled, looking deep into my eyes, noticing the bruise that surrounded my right one. “They beat you to a pulp and they got away with it for fuck’s sake! It’s not right! They’ve hurt you, and I promised that no one would EVER do that to you again.�
“And I promised Tre that you wouldn’t do anything stupid!� I whined. “Please Billie Joe. Just stay here for one night. It won’t hurt to just let this one go.�
“I can’t Stef.� He whispered, before striding out of the door to my room and going down the hallway.
“Billie Joe!� I whispered loudly to him as he thrashed the staircase door with his foot.
I ran after him, my mind and heart racing at the thought of what he was going to do.
“Billie Joe!� I screamed down the staircase at him again.
I ran after him, ignoring the pain in my side and the fact everyone around could see my bruises. I literally raced down the stairs, taking 3 or even 4 steps at a time.
“Billie Joe!� I screamed again, grabbing his arm and tugging him back.
I wasn’t going to let Tre down. If I promised him that I’d keep Billie Joe safe, then I that’s exactly what I would do.
