A Note Don't Come Easy, chapter 19
“Billie Joe! I can’t!� I yelled as he dragged me across the parking lot.
“Why not?� He asked, frowning as he tugged on me even more.
“Because…I’m too young.� I stuttered.
“Didn’t stop you the night we downed shots though, did it?� He questioned, smiling.
“Yeah, but…that was different.� I replied, trying to break away from him.
“How is it different?� Tre laughed.
“It just is.� I moaned as Billie Joe literally picked me up and threw me over his shoulders. “We were celebrating back then.�
“Well, were celebrating now.� Billie Joe told me, hoisting me up.
“What for? That I lost?� I whined. “Put me down!�
“Come on.� Mike urged, nudging me. “You’re only a year younger. Besides, you could pass as an 21 year old anytime.�
I frowned at his comment. I wasn’t even 18 and he was saying I could past as a 21 year old? He needed his eyes checking.
“Yeah. If you need backup, just start making out with me. That way they wont suspect that you’re the age you are!� Tre smirked, holding in his laughter.
“Because they would never suspect that the innocent Tre Cool would be enough of a pervert to do that would they?� Mike laughed.
Billie Joe laughed out loud in a slightly awkward way as he put me back on the ground before brushing himself down.
“Just one drink.� He pleaded with his gorgeous green eyes.
And well, you all know how I give in to them whenever I see them, don’t we? I just couldn’t resist.
“Alright, alright!� I groaned. “But just one drink. If anyone suspects something, I’m leaving it to you to cover up.�
“Like I said, just make out with me!� Tre giggled again, as we walked into the bar.
Billie Joe awkwardly looked away at Tre’s comment, and I caught him doing it. As soon as we walked into the bar, everyone’s head turned to see who had entered the through the doors. Most people stopped and stared at the sight of Green Day entering their local bar. Oh shit…I could feel them all staring at me.
“Billie Joe…� I whispered worriedly. “They’re going to start thinking things. They’re going to suspect something!�
“No they’re not.� Billie Joe whispered back, assuring me, and pushing me towards a table. “Just act like normal, sit down, and relax.�
Act like normal? Like this was normal. That was easier said than done. I timidly sat down, watching everyone stare at me still. Tre and Mike sat next to me as Billie Joe wondered off to the bar to get us our drinks.
“God. What a bunch of rednecks!� Tre cussed as he eyed everyone in the bar who was staring at us. “Can’t they just let us have a drink without being stared at?�
“Obviously not.� Mike tutted, making himself comfortable in his wooden chair.
My eyes darted from table to table in the bar as the people one by one turned back to their general chit chat and drinks. One of them was bound to suspect something. This so hadn’t been a good idea. My eyes slowly moved across the room, when I suddenly caught a familiar flicker of thick bleached hair. I shot my head back in fright once my head had adjusted to what I had just seen. Was I thinking and seeing straight? Oh shit…I was. Oh fuck…Crowded around a table together were the group of girls who had beaten me up 5 nights ago, with…holy shit! Jimmy?! I couldn’t believe it…I would have never put them both together. Jimmy sucked on another fag whilst the girls play fought amongst themselves. I blinked a number of times, my eyes fixed on them as they laughed and joked around together. Why were they given the chance to laugh or smile after what they had done? They shouldn’t be in here anyway, they were too young. But then again, so was I, so it was best to keep quiet about the age thing.
“Stef, are you ok?� Mike asked seeing me panic, and leaning forward towards me.
“Mike, you see them girls in the corner?� I asked, titling my head in their direction as my heart beat fast inside.
“Yeah…� he replied listening carefully. “Wait a minute…isn’t that…Jimmy?!�
“Yeah� I gulped, panic stricken. “Well, you know the girls he’s with? Well, there the ones…who…beat me up.�
I didn’t want to hear the truth. Why did they have to be here? Why did we have to be here even? Mike’s eyes widened as he suddenly looked up to get a closer look of them.
“Are you sure it’s them?� He whispered, keeping watch of them.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m pretty sure it’s them. One of them auditioned too, but she never made it. That’s how I know them.� I whispered back. “I had met them before they beat me up.�
“What?� Mike cried, shocked. “When was this? Why didn’t you tell us?�
“Because I thought I could handle the situation myself.� I stuttered, thinking how stupid I was not to tell anyone about this before. “I thought it was nothing at the time.�
“Still, you should have told us.� Mike sympathetically told me, being understanding towards me.
“Can we go please?� I asked, starting to think of the worse.
“Why?� He asked, turning around to see that Tre was busy sticking a cocktail umbrella up his nose.
“Because…� I started. “I don’t want them too see me. I didn’t tell you this, but Jimmy yesterday kept saying that he knew that I was staying with you. I tried to cover up, but…he knows Mike. He just knows…and I don’t know how.�
“Alright. I get what you mean. That Jimmy guy’s a bastard anyways.� He sighed. “Tre, where’s Billie Joe?�
I looked at Tre who had now fully shoved the umbrella up his left nostril in experimentation.
“Tre!� Mike grunted, glaring at him.
“What?!� Tre yelled, quickly pulling the umbrella out of his nose in surprise, suddenly realising we had been watching him.
“Where’s Billie Joe?� Mike asked again, this time saying it more slowly in a sarcastic tone so he could understand.
“At the bar.� Tre replied, stating the obvious and playing with the umbrella. “Why?�
“We need to go.� Mike told him, searching above the tables for Billie Joe.
“Aww, why?� Tre whined, looking at him. “We haven’t even had our drink yet!�
“Tre, we need to go…now!!!� Mike told him forcefully, still searching for Billie Joe.
“Come on Mike. Just one drink, please!!!� Tre pleaded, clasping his hands together.
“Now Tre!� Mike grunted for the final time, staring at him.
“Please Tre.� I begged. “Just do it for me.�
“Alright! But I don’t get what the deal is!�
I sighed as I wondered whether it would be a good idea to tell him or not.
“Jimmy and the girls who beat me up are over there…together.� I told him, trying not to panic too much.
“What!?� Tre gasped, looking in their direction.
“That’s why we got to go. Now where’s Billie Joe?� Mike asked again, keeping his eye out still for Billie Joe, who had seemingly disappeared.
“Oh shit…they’re getting up! They’re gonna walk past us Mike and see us!� I cried, looking away so they wouldn’t catch my eye.
“No, they’re not. Just…all look away and we’ll be fine. Hopefully they’ll just walk past.� Mike calmed me down, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Let me smash them to a pulp!� Tre growled, rolling up his sleeve to his blazer, ready to throw a punch at any of them.
“Tre, no!� I gasped pulling his arm back down by his side. “You’ll blow our cover! You don’t want that do you? Oh crap, they’re coming! Just look away!!!�
I practically hid myself under the table, knocking my head as I went. Jimmy and the girls swooned past as if they owned the fucking place. Mike looked away, whilst Tre glared at them from underneath the hair that was covering his eyes, urging to jump on them all and beat them up. I waited a few seconds before I said anything.
“Are they gone?� I called out, searching to see if the cost was clear.
“They’re gone.� Mike told me, sitting back upright in his chair.
“Did they see you? Did they?� I worried, repeating myself as I knocked my head on the table again whilst trying to sit back in my own chair.
“No, I don’t think so.� Mike replied.
“Oh thank fuck for that!� I gasped, sighing relief.
I finally let myself relax as I slumped back in my chair, happy that they had gone.
“Here you go guys.� Billie Joe said as he gave us our drinks one by one.
“Typical, now you come.� Mike groaned, rolling his eyes at him.
“What did I do now?!� Billie Joe cried, defending himself.
“You took your time.� Mike replied sarcastically.
“I’m sorry, but there was a fat git in front of me who took forever!�
“We’re not on about that.� Tre groaned. “They wouldn’t let me beat them to a pulp!�
He sulked in his chair, whinging to Billie Joe.
“Tre…� I moaned, wishing he would just drop the subject.
“Who? What?� Billie Joe questioned, his mind blank.
“Those two!� Tre cried, pointing to me and Mike.
“Billie Joe would have said the same!� Mike yelled, rolling his eyes again and taking a sip of his larger Billie Joe had just brought him.
“Done the same about what?� Billie Joe groaned. “To who? Wait, I’m really confused now…�
He looked up at us, really confused and looking at me for answers. Why did he always look at me? He made me feel worse by doing that.
“I’ll tell you who!� Tre cried, out of control. “Jimmy and the whores who beat Stef up, that’s who!�
“What? They were here?!� Billie Joe roared, turning his head sharply at me.
“And they wouldn’t let me beat them shitless!� Tre whined, once again.
“Why the hell didn’t you come and get me?!� Billie Joe demanded, anger in his eyes.
“We DID try and get you. That’s we’ve been trying to do!� Mike grunted back.
“Billie Joe, it’s ok.� I told him softly. “Seriously, they’re gone now.�
“Which way did they go?� He asked, ignoring what I had just said.
“Let it rest Billie.� Mike warned him, like he was an authority figure or something.
“That way! They went that way!� Tre chanted, pointing madly at the door.
Why was Tre acting like this? He wasn’t helping at all. He was making things worse. He was behaving like an obsessed maniac. Billie Joe looked in the direction of Tre’s absurd pointing, grating his teeth in anger. He slammed his hands on the table, making me jump and rose to his feet. He seemed fixed on the door, totally focused on going after them – just like he had the night he had ran out of the hotel and I had to chase him.
“Billie Joe! No!� I cried, but not too loudly, grabbing his arm.
“Shit Billie!� Mike cried to himself, joining me in holding him down so he couldn’t escape.
We managed together to force him back down in his chair, mostly on Mike’s strength. I managed to calm down slightly once he had finally settled in his chair.
“Just, let it go.� I whispered to him. “Just…try and enjoy your drink. That’s what we’re here for, right?�
First it had been them dragging me to the bar, now it was me who was trying to persuade them to stay. He reluctantly took hold of his drink, but just stared out into the open, thinking. Tre seemed to sulk in the corner, sighing every now and again to show that he was pissed off. I tried to ignore him and instead, enjoy my drink. I sipped on it lightly, looking up at Billie Joe every now and again. So much for ‘celebrating’ – no one was enjoying themselves. I tried to look cheerful, but I knew deep down that it wouldn’t help whether I did or not. Mike looked around the table, seeing all 3 of our faces. He sighed deeply, pushing his drink to the side and admitting defeat.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here.� He mumbled, getting up.
“Yeah, this ain’t fun anymore.� Tre whined quietly, getting up too.
Me and Billie Joe followed, leaving our barely touched drinks on the table for someone else to find. We all dragged our feet out through the double doors, me and Billie Joe behind Tre and Mike. We walked out of the bar and into the open, the sun beaming down on us, making us squint. We headed towards the car when suddenly a clump of mud smacked Tre hard on the side of the face, causing him to stagger slightly to the side because of the force. Billie Joe and I shot our head in the direction of the flying mud, to find Jimmy and the group of girls standing on the corner of the building. Mike rushed to Tre’s aid to help him get back on his feet again.
“Shit…you got the wrong fucking one Louisa!� Jimmy grunted to the girl behind him, the one who had ordered her ‘crew’ to beat me up the other night – the ringleader. “I told you to get the girl.�
So that was her name. Louisa. What a name. Mike put his arm on Tre’s shoulder sympathetically, as my eyes widened in anger at Jimmy. I hated him so much. I hated him more than I loved Billie Joe, and that’s a lot!
“So, we meet again Stef.� Jimmy sniggered, then looking at Billie Joe who was standing close to me. “Oh and look. She’s brought lover boy with her.�
“Fuck off Jimmy.� I cried, raging inside, but trying not to show that I was hurt by him or what he was saying.
“Yes, fuck off Jimmy!� Tre repeated, giving him a dirty look as he wiped the mud off of his cheek.
“Shut up arsehole. I’m here for her.� He snarled back, glaring at me.
I kept my eyes on him, trying to stare him out. My hand searched for Billie Joe’s by his side, finally finding it and holding it tight. Tre glared back, Mike standing slightly in front of him uncase he suddenly decided to lash out. I felt so fucking angry. I WAS so fucking angry. How could Jimmy say these things to the band he had supposedly been a fan of ‘for years?’ He was the one who was a teenie, not me. He was an absolute bastard. I felt so sorry for Tre, this was all because of me. My heart bled for Green Day right at this moment. I hated watching this sort of thing – people being humiliated. It’s a feeling hard to describe, but all I can say is that I wanted to rip my heart out and give it to them. I felt so sad, just watching Green Day being called names and shit. I loved these guys; it was killing me having to witness this.
“Go home Jimmy.� Billie Joe said calmly, trying to make the situation better.
“You can shut up too lover boy.� Jimmy screamed at Billie Joe. “I knew something was going on between you two.�
He pointed at me and Billie Joe, smiling knowingly to himself. Why was he shouting at Billie Joe? Shouting at me would be better, but not Billie Joe. I didn’t want Billie Joe to have to go through this – the pain and the suffering.
“You think that because you’re in such a big band that you can do whatever you want.� Jimmy snarled again, taking the piss.
He sounded so much like Louisa who was standing behind him had on the night I was attacked. A flashback popped suddenly into my mind, of her throwing me to the floor and ordering her ‘crew’ to thrash my sides in. Anger raged inside of me as I thought back to that night. And here I was standing in front of the people who had exactly done that to me, and the boy who had ruined my dreams. Why couldn’t he just leave us alone? He’d got what he wanted by winning the audition. Why was he pestering us? So what if I was staying with Green Day? What was his problem? Was he jealous or something?
“Why are you here Jimmy?� I croaked, plucking up the courage to talk to him.
“I want to ask you the same thing.� He said, turning the question around. “Why are you here with them? I thought you said you had nothing to do with THEM? You lied to me Stef and you’ve hurt me bad.�
He was being sarcastic with the ‘you’ve hurt me bad’ bit. I could tell. He wasn’t the sort of guy to get upset about things like that.
“THEM are called Green Day.� I snapped back at him.
I had never been this angry in a long time. Jimmy was doing a pretty good job of winding me up.
“I know what they’re called alright?� He shouted back at me. “I’m not as dumb as you are. I was clever enough to be one step ahead of you in this game.�
He tutted at me, smirking. What the fucking hell was he going on about? This kid made no sense to me at all.
“Game? What game?!� I asked, frowning at him, confused.
“Come on! You know what we’re going on about!� He laughed, putting his hands in his jeans pocket.
I shook my head violently, not wanting to hear what he had to say.
“Well, this is impressive.� He smiled. “Would it spring to mind if I mentioned a certain thrashing to one’s side?�
I looked down at my side from the corner of my side, my heart starting to stop beating. I heard Billie Joe gulp, his muscles tensing up inside of him.
“You, you what?� I asked quietly.
“Ah, so you do know what we’re going on about then?� You see, this is what I’m going on about. I’m not stupid enough to run into some stupid trap like that. Oh, but not just any trap. No, no. What you don’t know is that it had been me all this time that had set you up. But not just by anybody. Yep, that’s right. It was my sister who beat you shitless! � He mocked, smiling with glee.
Everyone on Jimmy’s side burst out laughing. No.way.was.this.true. Louisa the bitch was…Jimmy’s sister? I felt suddenly sick. He had enjoyed telling me every little detail of that. I was in total shock. I was just numb all over. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. The tears start to well up in my tired eyes. They all started laughing as I bit my lip in anger and started to physically shake. I suddenly squeezed Billie Joe’s hand really tight, making him wince and look down at his crushed hand. Jimmy smiled slyly back at me, showing off his crooked teeth.
“What’s the matter Stef? Lover boy got your tongue?�
The group of girls laughed and sniggered loudly at Jimmy’s comment, making me feel small and like a piece of shit. Why was everyone so cruel to me in this world? Then I suddenly remembered – God, Jimmy was younger than me. I looked up at Billie Joe, tears of anger, sadness and confusion in my eyes. I was so hurt; I didn’t know what to do. I was being humiliated in front of Green Day and the people I loved the most – what would you do?
“Awww. Does Mr Billie Joe Armstrong need to sort the bullies out for you?� Louisa cooed at me, taking the piss badly.
Billie Joe, please help me. I wouldn’t say it in front of them, but I wanted him to help desperately. He was the only one in this world that could. I begged him with my eyes, still shaking because I was so hysterical. Billie Joe looked at Tre and Mike, who were watching me choke back my poisoned tears.
“For the last time,� Billie Joe ordered, hatred for them in his voice. “Go home. All of you.�
“Yeah, go home before I break your freakin’ neck!� Tre threatened, giving him the evils.
“Or what, tubby?� Jimmy replied back, pushing his luck and knowing it.
Tre just looked at him, speechless on what to say. Mike looked at Tre, then at Jimmy, then at Billie Joe. He was as stunned as Tre was. Something suddenly snapped inside of me. Something I had never felt before. He had just called Tre tubby! He just called innocent Tre fucking TUBBY! How dare he! He was the one who was fucking tubby fucking bastard! A fuse blew up inside of me, a sudden evil pounding through me. I suddenly let go of Billie Joe’s hand without thinking, and raced towards them like a bull seeing red. Something inside me was forcing me to do this – I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I had to do something. Billie Joe suddenly realised what I was doing and never had I seen him move so quick before. He lashed out his arms and grabbed me, holding me tight to him. A sense of panic descended upon all of us, as I went ballistic in Billie Joe’s wrath. He looked scared as I screamed my lungs out at them. The tears harshly streaming down my face. I wasn’t screaming anything in particular – I was just screaming at them.
“Stef,� Billie Joe yelled over my screaming, scared for me. “Just let them get on with it! Stef!�
I wasn’t listening. I was still screaming, and leaning across Billie Joe’s arms – trying to break free.
“She needs to go back to the mental house.� I heard Louisa tell Jimmy as they watched Billie Joe struggle with me.
I had never seen him look this scared this before – either by me or what was happening around us. I think it was more to do with me – I was hysterical. I couldn’t stop. The next thing I know, Tre’s racing past us, charging towards them like I had just attempted to a minute ago.
“Tre!� Mike yelled, running after Tre.
I watched as Tre lunged himself at Jimmy, throwing him to the floor. The group of girls panicked at the sight of Tre going mental, and most of them ran away, except for Louisa, who tried to help her brother. This was crazy. The two boys tumbled across the parking lot, Tre over powering Jimmy. I stood dumbstruck in Billie Joe’s grasp, the tears smudging my eyeliner and painting big black lines down my face. Mike grabbed hold of Tre and tried to force him off of Jimmy, who was looking pretty freaked out by now. Billie Joe watched, shocked and horrified. His eyes were as wide as saucers, his mouth hanging slightly open in horror of what was happening. This was all happening too fucking fast. I had never seen Billie Joe like this before. As Mike threw Tre off of Jimmy, a car pulled up at the side of the road, grinding to a halt at a screech. Billie Joe and I watched the car, waiting to see who would come out, when Jimmy crawled to his feet once free from Tre.
“Mum!� He cried out like a spoilt brat.
He ran like a wimp to the car as TONI stepped out of the driver’s side. No. No fucking way. I was imaging this. I hoped and prayed with all my might that I had heard him wrong. Holy shit…Toni was, Jimmy’s…mum?!
“Mum?!?� Mike cried out loud, horrified at seeing Toni.
Jimmy ran up to her and hugged her tight around the waist as she started to stroke his hair.
“What’s going on?� She asked, eyeing us all carefully like a hawk.
She looked around to see me crushed in Billie Joe’s arms and Mike kneeling next to Tre who was lying on the floor where he had been thrown off of Jimmy. This was too fucking much. It all made perfect sense now. That’s why she had always taken to Jimmy in auditions…he was her fucking son! She had cheated and let Jimmy win all this time? I had cheated too, and I knew that, but your own mum being the judge? That was just fucking out of order and wrong. I let out a weak cry as I crumpled in Billie Joe’s arms, the whole thing being too much for me to handle and getting the better of me. I fell to the floor in the emotion and frustration, Billie Joe lowering to my level, not letting go of his grasp on me and still cradling me. I started to cry again as he just stared at Toni in disgust and hatred.
“Mum, Tre tried to beat me up!� Jimmy whined, making out he was innocent and all.
Toni looked down at Tre as she rocked Jimmy in her arms. Wait a second; if Toni was Jimmy’s mum, then what did that make Igor? Jimmy’s dad?! Tre raged as he glared at Toni. Mike slowly placed his hand on Tre’s shoulder, to assure him of something if there was anything and to stop him from shaking.
“You…you were a judge and you let Jimmy win?� Mike asked, more than angry with her.
“You only let her get into the final because she was staying with you.� Toni replied, pointing viciously at me. “I only thought it was fair.�
“Fair? Fair?! You wanna talk about being FAIR?!� Mike outraged, now his turn to go mental. “Do you call your daughter beating up some innocent person so your son can win the final of a competition FAIR?! Is that what fucking fair is to you?�
“Well, I wouldn’t say she was exactly innocent.� Toni sneered. “Do you call sleeping with Billie Joe Armstrong innocent? Who has a wife and 2 kids?�
I suddenly looked up at her, clenching my teeth tight. It was none of her fucking business what happened between us. How fucking dare she say that! We hadn’t even slept with each other, but I wish we had done.
“If that’s the way my kids feel then so be it. If they want to beat someone up, let them do it. You can’t tell me how to raise my kids.� Toni carried on, responding to Mike’s accusation. “I can’t stop my kids having fun and I’m not going to.�
“Fun?! HAVING FUN?!� Tre screamed, suddenly getting up to sock her one. “Why, you…!�
Mike quickly leaned on top of him again, forcing him back onto the ground. She called me being beaten up…fun. I wanted my life to end. Now I was a nervous wreck on the floor, a nobody, a nothing. I wanted someone to wake me up and just tell me everything was ok, and that this was just a freakish nightmare. I wanted to wake up the morning after my first audition, the night Billie Joe had drunkenly crept into bed with me. I wanted to wake up then, and now, back when everything was ok. No complications, nothing. I wanted to wake up and fuck him. Billie Joe placed his hands on my shoulders and looked at me under my hanging head checking to see if I was somewhat ok – but I wasn’t. I wasn’t anywhere near o fucking k. I just sat there; I was a wreck, and a nervous neurotic mess.
“You knew about it all along then?� Mike asked, still holding down Tre.
“About what? Them beating her up? Of course I did. Did you think I didn’t?� Toni tutted, in a tone of voice that sounded like she was stating the obvious.
It all came flooding back to me, my conversation with Jimmy on the day of the final. He had accused me of staying with Green Day, and had asked what had happened to my last guitar. The fucking bastard – he was just pushing me, but he had known all along. That’s how he knew so much about me – from both Toni and those girls.
“She needed to be taught a fucking lesson, and you know it.� Louisa snorted past me, as she walked towards her mother and brother. “She fucking cheated.�
“So did you!� Tre screamed again, glaring at Louisa with hatred. “Except you took it to the extreme you fucking bitch!�
“Come on kids. Let’s go home, now!� Toni ordered, staring at Tre at calling Louisa a bitch.
She ushered Jimmy and Louisa into the car before walking around to get into the driver’s seat. A bitch was only a quarter of what Louisa was, so why was Toni shocked?
“Oh, and Stef,� Jimmy called out to me before climbing into the car.
I slowly looked up at him, ashamed to show my drenched face. I looked at him dazed, waiting to see what else he had to say about me. Why didn’t he just rip me up now and cut me into a thousand pieces? Now had never felt like a better time to do that. Billie Joe’s glazed eyes followed mine, meeting Jimmy’s.
“Don’t take this to heart. It happens to the best of us. Some day or another, your time will come. It was going to happen to you some day or another. Besides, I couldn’t let the girl who had had help from Green Day win the competition could I?� He smiled nastily. “It had to be done.�
He went to climb into the car when he stood back up again to say one final thing to me. Nothing he said anymore could hurt me. He had damaged me as far as I could go.
“Oh, and by the way. I had had it in for you for ages, you getting beaten shitless I mean. You just got lucky the times before because you always seemed to escape. You were very very lucky to make it even to the final.�
Lucky? Is this what he called lucky? Ok, just forget what I had just said about him not being able to hurt me anymore. I looked at him in outrage, my face turning from sad to angry. I wanted him to rot in hell.
“Billie Joe,� Jimmy called out to him, grabbing Billie’s attention. “Don’t let yourself get too depressed about your dad dying and all. Rock stars don’t cry over things like that. You’ll get over it, like the rest of us. It’s just getting a bit pathetic now. Mike, Tre…see you at the gig tomorrow!�
He disappeared into the car, and closed the door. I looked at Billie Joe, bruised and hurt at what Jimmy had just called out to him. What did he mean? Rock stars didn’t cry over things like that? They weren’t fucking robots! They had feelings too! Billie Joe was heart wrenched. No, Billie Joe. Please don’t cry. Please, you’ll start me off again. I wanted to stab myself and let all the evil and pain inside of me and Billie Joe escape through and out of our systems. Mike and Tre looked at the car in horror, gob smacked. That had been the final straw. Picking on me was one thing, but saying that to Billie Joe was beyond pure evil. I was no longer myself, but some crazed maniac who had been pushed beyond too far. I suddenly had a sudden rush of blood to the head, making me jump to my feet. I felt sick, but I couldn’t let them get away. Not after what they had just done to Billie Joe. I was bleeding inside for him. More than I had been all my life for myself. The car sped off as I ran towards it in a mad and uncontrollable state of mind. Billie Joe still stayed crouched on the floor from where he had been cradling me because he was too stunned to move or do anything.
“Fucking arseholes!� I screamed after the car, the tears now forming into an ocean.
I searched on the floor for the nearest thing to throw. I picked up a stone by my feet and lobbed it at the car, still screaming my heart out.
“Fuck off, all of you! You fucking arseholes! You’ve fucking ruined my life! All of our lives, do you fucking hear me?!�
The stone missed the car by inches. I couldn’t even fucking throw now. I carried on shouting abuse at them, I was so angry. I was a bomb that had exploded, and wouldn’t stop until my fuse had blown. I had never been this angry before. All the anger I had ever felt could not match up to what I was feeling now. I had a deadly but powerful feeling inside of me. Billie Joe slowly got to his feet and walked near me. He was so stunned by what had just happened, he seemed to be in a daze.
“Fucking hell!� I screamed out again, grabbing more stones around me and throwing them one by one, grunting in my frustration.
“Stef…� Billie Joe whispered to me slowly, hurt and confused. “Stef…�
He didn’t even try to shout over me, he had no energy to. He just kept whispering my name. I attempted to throw the stones but my emotions were getting the better of me, draining away what energy I had left – the stones only landing a few feet away from me.
“Stef…� Billie Joe whispered again, tears in his eyes too.
“Ahhhhhh!� I yelled into mid air, clenching my fists together in agony.
I looked up into the sky, wishing and praying for a sign, or just something to tell me things were going to get better and be ok. But no one answered me, as usual.
“You’re…all…fucking…arseholes…� I whispered, admitting defeat and starting to sob again. “Fucking…arseholes…�
My voice cracked and I crumpled again, realising that I had been a victim again to the same people. But this time, they had taken down Tre, Mike and Billie Joe too. My heart bled for them so much. I wanted to die for them. I cried uncontrollably into my hands, shaking physically. In a moment of sadness, one of my favourite songs from the Kerplunk album came rushing into my mind, making me feel even more depressed. ‘No one knows’ spun around my head, making me cry even more – “Call me irresponsible, call me habitual, but when you think of me, do you fill your head with schemes, better think again because no one knows.� I finally let go of myself mentally and I carried on to scream, cry, sob, moan, and drain away into nothing. I couldn’t stop myself.
“All I want… is for somebody… to love me.� I sobbed in between my cries and inconsolable groans. Billie Joe timidly reached out to me, not sure whether to touch me or not like I was a piece of broken glass. He was so fragile right now – I didn’t want to hurt him even more. He wrapped around me, feeling my hurt and pain as well as his own agony. The tears wallowed up in his own glazed eyes from the sadness he was feeling. I hated seeing him like this. We both really needed each other right now. I suddenly realised that now this time, it was my turn to look after Billie Joe.
“I… I…� He stammered. “I… love, I… love you.� He whispered to me, letting the first tear roll down his cheek and hugging me carefully.
I carried on to cry as he tightened his grip around me, literally crushing me. I turned inwards and cried into him, hiding away. He let out a cry of sudden pain and looked up to the sky like I had just done, praying for some sort of solution. He clenched hold of my jacket, none of us not quite knowing what to do or what was going to happen next. Tre and Mike edged near, exchanging saddened looks as Billie Joe and I cried unstoppable into each other’s arms in the middle of the parking lot.
“Why not?� He asked, frowning as he tugged on me even more.
“Because…I’m too young.� I stuttered.
“Didn’t stop you the night we downed shots though, did it?� He questioned, smiling.
“Yeah, but…that was different.� I replied, trying to break away from him.
“How is it different?� Tre laughed.
“It just is.� I moaned as Billie Joe literally picked me up and threw me over his shoulders. “We were celebrating back then.�
“Well, were celebrating now.� Billie Joe told me, hoisting me up.
“What for? That I lost?� I whined. “Put me down!�
“Come on.� Mike urged, nudging me. “You’re only a year younger. Besides, you could pass as an 21 year old anytime.�
I frowned at his comment. I wasn’t even 18 and he was saying I could past as a 21 year old? He needed his eyes checking.
“Yeah. If you need backup, just start making out with me. That way they wont suspect that you’re the age you are!� Tre smirked, holding in his laughter.
“Because they would never suspect that the innocent Tre Cool would be enough of a pervert to do that would they?� Mike laughed.
Billie Joe laughed out loud in a slightly awkward way as he put me back on the ground before brushing himself down.
“Just one drink.� He pleaded with his gorgeous green eyes.
And well, you all know how I give in to them whenever I see them, don’t we? I just couldn’t resist.
“Alright, alright!� I groaned. “But just one drink. If anyone suspects something, I’m leaving it to you to cover up.�
“Like I said, just make out with me!� Tre giggled again, as we walked into the bar.
Billie Joe awkwardly looked away at Tre’s comment, and I caught him doing it. As soon as we walked into the bar, everyone’s head turned to see who had entered the through the doors. Most people stopped and stared at the sight of Green Day entering their local bar. Oh shit…I could feel them all staring at me.
“Billie Joe…� I whispered worriedly. “They’re going to start thinking things. They’re going to suspect something!�
“No they’re not.� Billie Joe whispered back, assuring me, and pushing me towards a table. “Just act like normal, sit down, and relax.�
Act like normal? Like this was normal. That was easier said than done. I timidly sat down, watching everyone stare at me still. Tre and Mike sat next to me as Billie Joe wondered off to the bar to get us our drinks.
“God. What a bunch of rednecks!� Tre cussed as he eyed everyone in the bar who was staring at us. “Can’t they just let us have a drink without being stared at?�
“Obviously not.� Mike tutted, making himself comfortable in his wooden chair.
My eyes darted from table to table in the bar as the people one by one turned back to their general chit chat and drinks. One of them was bound to suspect something. This so hadn’t been a good idea. My eyes slowly moved across the room, when I suddenly caught a familiar flicker of thick bleached hair. I shot my head back in fright once my head had adjusted to what I had just seen. Was I thinking and seeing straight? Oh shit…I was. Oh fuck…Crowded around a table together were the group of girls who had beaten me up 5 nights ago, with…holy shit! Jimmy?! I couldn’t believe it…I would have never put them both together. Jimmy sucked on another fag whilst the girls play fought amongst themselves. I blinked a number of times, my eyes fixed on them as they laughed and joked around together. Why were they given the chance to laugh or smile after what they had done? They shouldn’t be in here anyway, they were too young. But then again, so was I, so it was best to keep quiet about the age thing.
“Stef, are you ok?� Mike asked seeing me panic, and leaning forward towards me.
“Mike, you see them girls in the corner?� I asked, titling my head in their direction as my heart beat fast inside.
“Yeah…� he replied listening carefully. “Wait a minute…isn’t that…Jimmy?!�
“Yeah� I gulped, panic stricken. “Well, you know the girls he’s with? Well, there the ones…who…beat me up.�
I didn’t want to hear the truth. Why did they have to be here? Why did we have to be here even? Mike’s eyes widened as he suddenly looked up to get a closer look of them.
“Are you sure it’s them?� He whispered, keeping watch of them.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m pretty sure it’s them. One of them auditioned too, but she never made it. That’s how I know them.� I whispered back. “I had met them before they beat me up.�
“What?� Mike cried, shocked. “When was this? Why didn’t you tell us?�
“Because I thought I could handle the situation myself.� I stuttered, thinking how stupid I was not to tell anyone about this before. “I thought it was nothing at the time.�
“Still, you should have told us.� Mike sympathetically told me, being understanding towards me.
“Can we go please?� I asked, starting to think of the worse.
“Why?� He asked, turning around to see that Tre was busy sticking a cocktail umbrella up his nose.
“Because…� I started. “I don’t want them too see me. I didn’t tell you this, but Jimmy yesterday kept saying that he knew that I was staying with you. I tried to cover up, but…he knows Mike. He just knows…and I don’t know how.�
“Alright. I get what you mean. That Jimmy guy’s a bastard anyways.� He sighed. “Tre, where’s Billie Joe?�
I looked at Tre who had now fully shoved the umbrella up his left nostril in experimentation.
“Tre!� Mike grunted, glaring at him.
“What?!� Tre yelled, quickly pulling the umbrella out of his nose in surprise, suddenly realising we had been watching him.
“Where’s Billie Joe?� Mike asked again, this time saying it more slowly in a sarcastic tone so he could understand.
“At the bar.� Tre replied, stating the obvious and playing with the umbrella. “Why?�
“We need to go.� Mike told him, searching above the tables for Billie Joe.
“Aww, why?� Tre whined, looking at him. “We haven’t even had our drink yet!�
“Tre, we need to go…now!!!� Mike told him forcefully, still searching for Billie Joe.
“Come on Mike. Just one drink, please!!!� Tre pleaded, clasping his hands together.
“Now Tre!� Mike grunted for the final time, staring at him.
“Please Tre.� I begged. “Just do it for me.�
“Alright! But I don’t get what the deal is!�
I sighed as I wondered whether it would be a good idea to tell him or not.
“Jimmy and the girls who beat me up are over there…together.� I told him, trying not to panic too much.
“What!?� Tre gasped, looking in their direction.
“That’s why we got to go. Now where’s Billie Joe?� Mike asked again, keeping his eye out still for Billie Joe, who had seemingly disappeared.
“Oh shit…they’re getting up! They’re gonna walk past us Mike and see us!� I cried, looking away so they wouldn’t catch my eye.
“No, they’re not. Just…all look away and we’ll be fine. Hopefully they’ll just walk past.� Mike calmed me down, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Let me smash them to a pulp!� Tre growled, rolling up his sleeve to his blazer, ready to throw a punch at any of them.
“Tre, no!� I gasped pulling his arm back down by his side. “You’ll blow our cover! You don’t want that do you? Oh crap, they’re coming! Just look away!!!�
I practically hid myself under the table, knocking my head as I went. Jimmy and the girls swooned past as if they owned the fucking place. Mike looked away, whilst Tre glared at them from underneath the hair that was covering his eyes, urging to jump on them all and beat them up. I waited a few seconds before I said anything.
“Are they gone?� I called out, searching to see if the cost was clear.
“They’re gone.� Mike told me, sitting back upright in his chair.
“Did they see you? Did they?� I worried, repeating myself as I knocked my head on the table again whilst trying to sit back in my own chair.
“No, I don’t think so.� Mike replied.
“Oh thank fuck for that!� I gasped, sighing relief.
I finally let myself relax as I slumped back in my chair, happy that they had gone.
“Here you go guys.� Billie Joe said as he gave us our drinks one by one.
“Typical, now you come.� Mike groaned, rolling his eyes at him.
“What did I do now?!� Billie Joe cried, defending himself.
“You took your time.� Mike replied sarcastically.
“I’m sorry, but there was a fat git in front of me who took forever!�
“We’re not on about that.� Tre groaned. “They wouldn’t let me beat them to a pulp!�
He sulked in his chair, whinging to Billie Joe.
“Tre…� I moaned, wishing he would just drop the subject.
“Who? What?� Billie Joe questioned, his mind blank.
“Those two!� Tre cried, pointing to me and Mike.
“Billie Joe would have said the same!� Mike yelled, rolling his eyes again and taking a sip of his larger Billie Joe had just brought him.
“Done the same about what?� Billie Joe groaned. “To who? Wait, I’m really confused now…�
He looked up at us, really confused and looking at me for answers. Why did he always look at me? He made me feel worse by doing that.
“I’ll tell you who!� Tre cried, out of control. “Jimmy and the whores who beat Stef up, that’s who!�
“What? They were here?!� Billie Joe roared, turning his head sharply at me.
“And they wouldn’t let me beat them shitless!� Tre whined, once again.
“Why the hell didn’t you come and get me?!� Billie Joe demanded, anger in his eyes.
“We DID try and get you. That’s we’ve been trying to do!� Mike grunted back.
“Billie Joe, it’s ok.� I told him softly. “Seriously, they’re gone now.�
“Which way did they go?� He asked, ignoring what I had just said.
“Let it rest Billie.� Mike warned him, like he was an authority figure or something.
“That way! They went that way!� Tre chanted, pointing madly at the door.
Why was Tre acting like this? He wasn’t helping at all. He was making things worse. He was behaving like an obsessed maniac. Billie Joe looked in the direction of Tre’s absurd pointing, grating his teeth in anger. He slammed his hands on the table, making me jump and rose to his feet. He seemed fixed on the door, totally focused on going after them – just like he had the night he had ran out of the hotel and I had to chase him.
“Billie Joe! No!� I cried, but not too loudly, grabbing his arm.
“Shit Billie!� Mike cried to himself, joining me in holding him down so he couldn’t escape.
We managed together to force him back down in his chair, mostly on Mike’s strength. I managed to calm down slightly once he had finally settled in his chair.
“Just, let it go.� I whispered to him. “Just…try and enjoy your drink. That’s what we’re here for, right?�
First it had been them dragging me to the bar, now it was me who was trying to persuade them to stay. He reluctantly took hold of his drink, but just stared out into the open, thinking. Tre seemed to sulk in the corner, sighing every now and again to show that he was pissed off. I tried to ignore him and instead, enjoy my drink. I sipped on it lightly, looking up at Billie Joe every now and again. So much for ‘celebrating’ – no one was enjoying themselves. I tried to look cheerful, but I knew deep down that it wouldn’t help whether I did or not. Mike looked around the table, seeing all 3 of our faces. He sighed deeply, pushing his drink to the side and admitting defeat.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here.� He mumbled, getting up.
“Yeah, this ain’t fun anymore.� Tre whined quietly, getting up too.
Me and Billie Joe followed, leaving our barely touched drinks on the table for someone else to find. We all dragged our feet out through the double doors, me and Billie Joe behind Tre and Mike. We walked out of the bar and into the open, the sun beaming down on us, making us squint. We headed towards the car when suddenly a clump of mud smacked Tre hard on the side of the face, causing him to stagger slightly to the side because of the force. Billie Joe and I shot our head in the direction of the flying mud, to find Jimmy and the group of girls standing on the corner of the building. Mike rushed to Tre’s aid to help him get back on his feet again.
“Shit…you got the wrong fucking one Louisa!� Jimmy grunted to the girl behind him, the one who had ordered her ‘crew’ to beat me up the other night – the ringleader. “I told you to get the girl.�
So that was her name. Louisa. What a name. Mike put his arm on Tre’s shoulder sympathetically, as my eyes widened in anger at Jimmy. I hated him so much. I hated him more than I loved Billie Joe, and that’s a lot!
“So, we meet again Stef.� Jimmy sniggered, then looking at Billie Joe who was standing close to me. “Oh and look. She’s brought lover boy with her.�
“Fuck off Jimmy.� I cried, raging inside, but trying not to show that I was hurt by him or what he was saying.
“Yes, fuck off Jimmy!� Tre repeated, giving him a dirty look as he wiped the mud off of his cheek.
“Shut up arsehole. I’m here for her.� He snarled back, glaring at me.
I kept my eyes on him, trying to stare him out. My hand searched for Billie Joe’s by his side, finally finding it and holding it tight. Tre glared back, Mike standing slightly in front of him uncase he suddenly decided to lash out. I felt so fucking angry. I WAS so fucking angry. How could Jimmy say these things to the band he had supposedly been a fan of ‘for years?’ He was the one who was a teenie, not me. He was an absolute bastard. I felt so sorry for Tre, this was all because of me. My heart bled for Green Day right at this moment. I hated watching this sort of thing – people being humiliated. It’s a feeling hard to describe, but all I can say is that I wanted to rip my heart out and give it to them. I felt so sad, just watching Green Day being called names and shit. I loved these guys; it was killing me having to witness this.
“Go home Jimmy.� Billie Joe said calmly, trying to make the situation better.
“You can shut up too lover boy.� Jimmy screamed at Billie Joe. “I knew something was going on between you two.�
He pointed at me and Billie Joe, smiling knowingly to himself. Why was he shouting at Billie Joe? Shouting at me would be better, but not Billie Joe. I didn’t want Billie Joe to have to go through this – the pain and the suffering.
“You think that because you’re in such a big band that you can do whatever you want.� Jimmy snarled again, taking the piss.
He sounded so much like Louisa who was standing behind him had on the night I was attacked. A flashback popped suddenly into my mind, of her throwing me to the floor and ordering her ‘crew’ to thrash my sides in. Anger raged inside of me as I thought back to that night. And here I was standing in front of the people who had exactly done that to me, and the boy who had ruined my dreams. Why couldn’t he just leave us alone? He’d got what he wanted by winning the audition. Why was he pestering us? So what if I was staying with Green Day? What was his problem? Was he jealous or something?
“Why are you here Jimmy?� I croaked, plucking up the courage to talk to him.
“I want to ask you the same thing.� He said, turning the question around. “Why are you here with them? I thought you said you had nothing to do with THEM? You lied to me Stef and you’ve hurt me bad.�
He was being sarcastic with the ‘you’ve hurt me bad’ bit. I could tell. He wasn’t the sort of guy to get upset about things like that.
“THEM are called Green Day.� I snapped back at him.
I had never been this angry in a long time. Jimmy was doing a pretty good job of winding me up.
“I know what they’re called alright?� He shouted back at me. “I’m not as dumb as you are. I was clever enough to be one step ahead of you in this game.�
He tutted at me, smirking. What the fucking hell was he going on about? This kid made no sense to me at all.
“Game? What game?!� I asked, frowning at him, confused.
“Come on! You know what we’re going on about!� He laughed, putting his hands in his jeans pocket.
I shook my head violently, not wanting to hear what he had to say.
“Well, this is impressive.� He smiled. “Would it spring to mind if I mentioned a certain thrashing to one’s side?�
I looked down at my side from the corner of my side, my heart starting to stop beating. I heard Billie Joe gulp, his muscles tensing up inside of him.
“You, you what?� I asked quietly.
“Ah, so you do know what we’re going on about then?� You see, this is what I’m going on about. I’m not stupid enough to run into some stupid trap like that. Oh, but not just any trap. No, no. What you don’t know is that it had been me all this time that had set you up. But not just by anybody. Yep, that’s right. It was my sister who beat you shitless! � He mocked, smiling with glee.
Everyone on Jimmy’s side burst out laughing. No.way.was.this.true. Louisa the bitch was…Jimmy’s sister? I felt suddenly sick. He had enjoyed telling me every little detail of that. I was in total shock. I was just numb all over. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. The tears start to well up in my tired eyes. They all started laughing as I bit my lip in anger and started to physically shake. I suddenly squeezed Billie Joe’s hand really tight, making him wince and look down at his crushed hand. Jimmy smiled slyly back at me, showing off his crooked teeth.
“What’s the matter Stef? Lover boy got your tongue?�
The group of girls laughed and sniggered loudly at Jimmy’s comment, making me feel small and like a piece of shit. Why was everyone so cruel to me in this world? Then I suddenly remembered – God, Jimmy was younger than me. I looked up at Billie Joe, tears of anger, sadness and confusion in my eyes. I was so hurt; I didn’t know what to do. I was being humiliated in front of Green Day and the people I loved the most – what would you do?
“Awww. Does Mr Billie Joe Armstrong need to sort the bullies out for you?� Louisa cooed at me, taking the piss badly.
Billie Joe, please help me. I wouldn’t say it in front of them, but I wanted him to help desperately. He was the only one in this world that could. I begged him with my eyes, still shaking because I was so hysterical. Billie Joe looked at Tre and Mike, who were watching me choke back my poisoned tears.
“For the last time,� Billie Joe ordered, hatred for them in his voice. “Go home. All of you.�
“Yeah, go home before I break your freakin’ neck!� Tre threatened, giving him the evils.
“Or what, tubby?� Jimmy replied back, pushing his luck and knowing it.
Tre just looked at him, speechless on what to say. Mike looked at Tre, then at Jimmy, then at Billie Joe. He was as stunned as Tre was. Something suddenly snapped inside of me. Something I had never felt before. He had just called Tre tubby! He just called innocent Tre fucking TUBBY! How dare he! He was the one who was fucking tubby fucking bastard! A fuse blew up inside of me, a sudden evil pounding through me. I suddenly let go of Billie Joe’s hand without thinking, and raced towards them like a bull seeing red. Something inside me was forcing me to do this – I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I had to do something. Billie Joe suddenly realised what I was doing and never had I seen him move so quick before. He lashed out his arms and grabbed me, holding me tight to him. A sense of panic descended upon all of us, as I went ballistic in Billie Joe’s wrath. He looked scared as I screamed my lungs out at them. The tears harshly streaming down my face. I wasn’t screaming anything in particular – I was just screaming at them.
“Stef,� Billie Joe yelled over my screaming, scared for me. “Just let them get on with it! Stef!�
I wasn’t listening. I was still screaming, and leaning across Billie Joe’s arms – trying to break free.
“She needs to go back to the mental house.� I heard Louisa tell Jimmy as they watched Billie Joe struggle with me.
I had never seen him look this scared this before – either by me or what was happening around us. I think it was more to do with me – I was hysterical. I couldn’t stop. The next thing I know, Tre’s racing past us, charging towards them like I had just attempted to a minute ago.
“Tre!� Mike yelled, running after Tre.
I watched as Tre lunged himself at Jimmy, throwing him to the floor. The group of girls panicked at the sight of Tre going mental, and most of them ran away, except for Louisa, who tried to help her brother. This was crazy. The two boys tumbled across the parking lot, Tre over powering Jimmy. I stood dumbstruck in Billie Joe’s grasp, the tears smudging my eyeliner and painting big black lines down my face. Mike grabbed hold of Tre and tried to force him off of Jimmy, who was looking pretty freaked out by now. Billie Joe watched, shocked and horrified. His eyes were as wide as saucers, his mouth hanging slightly open in horror of what was happening. This was all happening too fucking fast. I had never seen Billie Joe like this before. As Mike threw Tre off of Jimmy, a car pulled up at the side of the road, grinding to a halt at a screech. Billie Joe and I watched the car, waiting to see who would come out, when Jimmy crawled to his feet once free from Tre.
“Mum!� He cried out like a spoilt brat.
He ran like a wimp to the car as TONI stepped out of the driver’s side. No. No fucking way. I was imaging this. I hoped and prayed with all my might that I had heard him wrong. Holy shit…Toni was, Jimmy’s…mum?!
“Mum?!?� Mike cried out loud, horrified at seeing Toni.
Jimmy ran up to her and hugged her tight around the waist as she started to stroke his hair.
“What’s going on?� She asked, eyeing us all carefully like a hawk.
She looked around to see me crushed in Billie Joe’s arms and Mike kneeling next to Tre who was lying on the floor where he had been thrown off of Jimmy. This was too fucking much. It all made perfect sense now. That’s why she had always taken to Jimmy in auditions…he was her fucking son! She had cheated and let Jimmy win all this time? I had cheated too, and I knew that, but your own mum being the judge? That was just fucking out of order and wrong. I let out a weak cry as I crumpled in Billie Joe’s arms, the whole thing being too much for me to handle and getting the better of me. I fell to the floor in the emotion and frustration, Billie Joe lowering to my level, not letting go of his grasp on me and still cradling me. I started to cry again as he just stared at Toni in disgust and hatred.
“Mum, Tre tried to beat me up!� Jimmy whined, making out he was innocent and all.
Toni looked down at Tre as she rocked Jimmy in her arms. Wait a second; if Toni was Jimmy’s mum, then what did that make Igor? Jimmy’s dad?! Tre raged as he glared at Toni. Mike slowly placed his hand on Tre’s shoulder, to assure him of something if there was anything and to stop him from shaking.
“You…you were a judge and you let Jimmy win?� Mike asked, more than angry with her.
“You only let her get into the final because she was staying with you.� Toni replied, pointing viciously at me. “I only thought it was fair.�
“Fair? Fair?! You wanna talk about being FAIR?!� Mike outraged, now his turn to go mental. “Do you call your daughter beating up some innocent person so your son can win the final of a competition FAIR?! Is that what fucking fair is to you?�
“Well, I wouldn’t say she was exactly innocent.� Toni sneered. “Do you call sleeping with Billie Joe Armstrong innocent? Who has a wife and 2 kids?�
I suddenly looked up at her, clenching my teeth tight. It was none of her fucking business what happened between us. How fucking dare she say that! We hadn’t even slept with each other, but I wish we had done.
“If that’s the way my kids feel then so be it. If they want to beat someone up, let them do it. You can’t tell me how to raise my kids.� Toni carried on, responding to Mike’s accusation. “I can’t stop my kids having fun and I’m not going to.�
“Fun?! HAVING FUN?!� Tre screamed, suddenly getting up to sock her one. “Why, you…!�
Mike quickly leaned on top of him again, forcing him back onto the ground. She called me being beaten up…fun. I wanted my life to end. Now I was a nervous wreck on the floor, a nobody, a nothing. I wanted someone to wake me up and just tell me everything was ok, and that this was just a freakish nightmare. I wanted to wake up the morning after my first audition, the night Billie Joe had drunkenly crept into bed with me. I wanted to wake up then, and now, back when everything was ok. No complications, nothing. I wanted to wake up and fuck him. Billie Joe placed his hands on my shoulders and looked at me under my hanging head checking to see if I was somewhat ok – but I wasn’t. I wasn’t anywhere near o fucking k. I just sat there; I was a wreck, and a nervous neurotic mess.
“You knew about it all along then?� Mike asked, still holding down Tre.
“About what? Them beating her up? Of course I did. Did you think I didn’t?� Toni tutted, in a tone of voice that sounded like she was stating the obvious.
It all came flooding back to me, my conversation with Jimmy on the day of the final. He had accused me of staying with Green Day, and had asked what had happened to my last guitar. The fucking bastard – he was just pushing me, but he had known all along. That’s how he knew so much about me – from both Toni and those girls.
“She needed to be taught a fucking lesson, and you know it.� Louisa snorted past me, as she walked towards her mother and brother. “She fucking cheated.�
“So did you!� Tre screamed again, glaring at Louisa with hatred. “Except you took it to the extreme you fucking bitch!�
“Come on kids. Let’s go home, now!� Toni ordered, staring at Tre at calling Louisa a bitch.
She ushered Jimmy and Louisa into the car before walking around to get into the driver’s seat. A bitch was only a quarter of what Louisa was, so why was Toni shocked?
“Oh, and Stef,� Jimmy called out to me before climbing into the car.
I slowly looked up at him, ashamed to show my drenched face. I looked at him dazed, waiting to see what else he had to say about me. Why didn’t he just rip me up now and cut me into a thousand pieces? Now had never felt like a better time to do that. Billie Joe’s glazed eyes followed mine, meeting Jimmy’s.
“Don’t take this to heart. It happens to the best of us. Some day or another, your time will come. It was going to happen to you some day or another. Besides, I couldn’t let the girl who had had help from Green Day win the competition could I?� He smiled nastily. “It had to be done.�
He went to climb into the car when he stood back up again to say one final thing to me. Nothing he said anymore could hurt me. He had damaged me as far as I could go.
“Oh, and by the way. I had had it in for you for ages, you getting beaten shitless I mean. You just got lucky the times before because you always seemed to escape. You were very very lucky to make it even to the final.�
Lucky? Is this what he called lucky? Ok, just forget what I had just said about him not being able to hurt me anymore. I looked at him in outrage, my face turning from sad to angry. I wanted him to rot in hell.
“Billie Joe,� Jimmy called out to him, grabbing Billie’s attention. “Don’t let yourself get too depressed about your dad dying and all. Rock stars don’t cry over things like that. You’ll get over it, like the rest of us. It’s just getting a bit pathetic now. Mike, Tre…see you at the gig tomorrow!�
He disappeared into the car, and closed the door. I looked at Billie Joe, bruised and hurt at what Jimmy had just called out to him. What did he mean? Rock stars didn’t cry over things like that? They weren’t fucking robots! They had feelings too! Billie Joe was heart wrenched. No, Billie Joe. Please don’t cry. Please, you’ll start me off again. I wanted to stab myself and let all the evil and pain inside of me and Billie Joe escape through and out of our systems. Mike and Tre looked at the car in horror, gob smacked. That had been the final straw. Picking on me was one thing, but saying that to Billie Joe was beyond pure evil. I was no longer myself, but some crazed maniac who had been pushed beyond too far. I suddenly had a sudden rush of blood to the head, making me jump to my feet. I felt sick, but I couldn’t let them get away. Not after what they had just done to Billie Joe. I was bleeding inside for him. More than I had been all my life for myself. The car sped off as I ran towards it in a mad and uncontrollable state of mind. Billie Joe still stayed crouched on the floor from where he had been cradling me because he was too stunned to move or do anything.
“Fucking arseholes!� I screamed after the car, the tears now forming into an ocean.
I searched on the floor for the nearest thing to throw. I picked up a stone by my feet and lobbed it at the car, still screaming my heart out.
“Fuck off, all of you! You fucking arseholes! You’ve fucking ruined my life! All of our lives, do you fucking hear me?!�
The stone missed the car by inches. I couldn’t even fucking throw now. I carried on shouting abuse at them, I was so angry. I was a bomb that had exploded, and wouldn’t stop until my fuse had blown. I had never been this angry before. All the anger I had ever felt could not match up to what I was feeling now. I had a deadly but powerful feeling inside of me. Billie Joe slowly got to his feet and walked near me. He was so stunned by what had just happened, he seemed to be in a daze.
“Fucking hell!� I screamed out again, grabbing more stones around me and throwing them one by one, grunting in my frustration.
“Stef…� Billie Joe whispered to me slowly, hurt and confused. “Stef…�
He didn’t even try to shout over me, he had no energy to. He just kept whispering my name. I attempted to throw the stones but my emotions were getting the better of me, draining away what energy I had left – the stones only landing a few feet away from me.
“Stef…� Billie Joe whispered again, tears in his eyes too.
“Ahhhhhh!� I yelled into mid air, clenching my fists together in agony.
I looked up into the sky, wishing and praying for a sign, or just something to tell me things were going to get better and be ok. But no one answered me, as usual.
“You’re…all…fucking…arseholes…� I whispered, admitting defeat and starting to sob again. “Fucking…arseholes…�
My voice cracked and I crumpled again, realising that I had been a victim again to the same people. But this time, they had taken down Tre, Mike and Billie Joe too. My heart bled for them so much. I wanted to die for them. I cried uncontrollably into my hands, shaking physically. In a moment of sadness, one of my favourite songs from the Kerplunk album came rushing into my mind, making me feel even more depressed. ‘No one knows’ spun around my head, making me cry even more – “Call me irresponsible, call me habitual, but when you think of me, do you fill your head with schemes, better think again because no one knows.� I finally let go of myself mentally and I carried on to scream, cry, sob, moan, and drain away into nothing. I couldn’t stop myself.
“All I want… is for somebody… to love me.� I sobbed in between my cries and inconsolable groans. Billie Joe timidly reached out to me, not sure whether to touch me or not like I was a piece of broken glass. He was so fragile right now – I didn’t want to hurt him even more. He wrapped around me, feeling my hurt and pain as well as his own agony. The tears wallowed up in his own glazed eyes from the sadness he was feeling. I hated seeing him like this. We both really needed each other right now. I suddenly realised that now this time, it was my turn to look after Billie Joe.
“I… I…� He stammered. “I… love, I… love you.� He whispered to me, letting the first tear roll down his cheek and hugging me carefully.
I carried on to cry as he tightened his grip around me, literally crushing me. I turned inwards and cried into him, hiding away. He let out a cry of sudden pain and looked up to the sky like I had just done, praying for some sort of solution. He clenched hold of my jacket, none of us not quite knowing what to do or what was going to happen next. Tre and Mike edged near, exchanging saddened looks as Billie Joe and I cried unstoppable into each other’s arms in the middle of the parking lot.
