A Note Don't Come Easy, chapter 21
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I screamed my lungs out as I sat bolt right up in bed in a cold sweat. I looked around to see the familiar surroundings of my hotel room. I looked in the corner to see my Fender Jagstang. Was this a dream? Was it possible to go back into the same dream twice? Maybe my step-dad’s strangling had caused me to black out and I was dreaming again. Wishing I were back where I longed to be. I reached down by the bed and grabbed the nearest thing near me – which was my old guitar that I crashed across the top of my head in a moment of fright. Fucking hell…that fucking hurt. I wasn’t intending for it to be my old guitar. Oh well, it still has some use. I rubbed my head, placing the guitar next to me on the bed. Well one thing was for sure. I wasn’t dreaming if my head hurt this much. It had only been a fucking nightmare. Thank fucking god! I could hear myself breathing loudly, the only sound that filled the room. I rushed out of bed and walked out onto the balcony, just to definitely check I wasn’t dreaming this. The city night-lights lit up the night, the sound of cars and people laughing echoing in the air. My heart was pounding madly and I was shaking from both the burst of fresh air and my nightmare. I walked back inside and sat on the end of my bed, rubbing my eyes. I was so glad to be here, and not at home. I hated it there. I hated it there so much that I had preferred to die if I had to live there again. I had to make sure that I was actually awake, and not dreaming this. I had to see that Billie Joe, Tre and Mike were downstairs, here with me in this very hotel. Just to put my mind at rest. I fumbled around in the dark for my battered converse on the floor somewhere. I didn’t even think once to put the light on. I slipped them on my feet and crept outside of my room and down the hallway towards the staircases. I slowly tiptoed down to the 4th floor, careful not to wake anyone up as I passed the hundreds of rooms. I reached their room and knocked quietly on their door, checking to see if there was anybody around. I stood there in suspense, as I waited for someone to answer the door. I stood there for a few minutes, but it seemed like ages. I started to feel slightly nervous that no one was answering the door, and started to fear the worst. Maybe I WAS dreaming this. I knocked frantically on the door again, hoping and praying that it was Green Day who was staying in the room. Finally, Mike stumbled and answered the door, barely opening his eyes. It wasn’t Billie Joe, but I flung my arms around him, holding on to him for dear life and closing my eyes tightly shut. He staggered back, and looked confusingly down at me. He rubbed his eyes to wake himself up more and hugged me back. He didn’t know what he was doing or where he was, he just rested his arms on my back because I was hugging him. We both just seemed to stand there for ages. I opened my eyes and in the corner of them looked up to him, just being able to see the back of his head and ruffled hair.
“Ummm, Mike?� I whispered. “You’re squishing me.�
“Arh, sorry.� He mumbled pulling away from me.
He didn’t have a clue on what he was doing. I still held on to him tightly as he scratch the top his head, causing his hair to fluff up.
“What are you doing here?� He slurred, suddenly realising what was happening.
“Is Billie Joe with you?� I asked, panicky.
“What?!�
“Just tell me! Is here there with you?� I pleaded.
“Yeah, he is. Why wouldn’t he? What’s happened? What’s going on?� He asked, wincing from the light that was in the hallway.
“Nothing.� I whispered, still holding on to him.
“Stef, what’s happened? Tell me.� He spoke softly, looking down on me.
He was so tall compared to me. He always seemed to tower over me. I suddenly burst out crying in my relief that everything was how I wanted it to be.
“I had..a..nightmare..Mike.� I sobbed. “I was back…at home..and my step-dad, well, he..killed me.�
“Oh. Shit.� He whispered, seeing my reaction. “Come in.�
He pulled me inside before checking down the hallway that no one was watching. He closed the door behind us and took me into the bathroom. He closed the door before turning on the light not to wake Billie Joe or Tre up who were still sleeping in the main part of the room.
“Tell me what happened.� He asked softly, leaning against the radiator as I sat on the edge of the bath.
“I had a nightmare.� I told him again. “I was back at home, and I was really confused because it was as if I had come home from staying with you guys. But I didn’t know why I was at home. I tried to run away and find you but my step-dad ended up strangling me because I dropped a dish and…�
I stopped my confessing. I looked up at him, tears in my eyes.
“Mike… I thought I was dead and that I would…never see you again.�
I broke down into another fit of sobs, hiding my face in my hands. My wristband collecting up the tears, dampening it.
“Hey, it’s ok.� He assured me, leaning over and hugging me. “It was only a dream. You’re safe now, and with us.�
“I’m sorry I woke you up.� I snivelled. “I just had to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming and that I was still with you.�
“It’s fine, honestly.� He smiled. “Someone once told me, that if you die in your dreams, then it means that you’re entering a new chapter within your life.�
“Really?� I pondered, looking up at him in curiosity. “Who told you that?�
“Just someone. Anyways, if it makes you feel any better, you can stay with us tonight.�
I looked up at him, feeling a little better. “Really?�
“Yeah, I’m sure the other’s won’t mind. But you’ll have to stay in here though. There’s no room out there. Tre’s taken up all the room.� He laughed, smiling at me again.
“Are you sure?� I wondered, wiping my eyes dry.
“I’m sure.� He placed his hand on my shoulder sympathetically. “I’ll just go and get you some blankets.�
He wondered off out of the bathroom to get me some blankets as I stared blankly around their bathroom. Their various belongs scattered across the place. I was so thankful and relieved that it had only been a dream. A dream that I would never forget. I wonder who told Mike that? I wasn’t going to ask again though because it was kind of obvious he didn’t want to say who. I waited for Mike to return as I heard him in the room shuffle about the place for some blankets for me. I felt so much better now I was with them. I thought I was back home. I thought I was dead. And most importantly, was that I thought I would never see Billie Joe again.
* * * * * * *
So that night, I spent it in the bath. I had Billie Joe’s spare pillow and a couple of blankets Mike had found in the cupboard. Mike had nicked Billie Joe’s pillow from under his head as he was sleeping, making him grumble and fight within his sleep. It was weird, sleeping in the bath. But I liked it, because it was a different surrounding and was kinda kewl at the same time. Throughout the night I could hear various grumbles and snoring from all of them, making me giggle. It wasn’t until the early hours of the morning, that I managed to drift back to sleep myself. Only to remember that I had to be awake within a few more hours. I turned around in the bath, barely opening my eyes. The blankets were twisted and wrapped around me, making it a puzzle to get them off. I fought with them viciously every so often, thrashing my arms and legs about in my irritation. Sometime later on, I heard someone get up and stumble into the bathroom. I winced through my eyes that were still barely open, trying to come to my senses. They pushed the toilet seat up and stretched up high, scratching their chest. They yawned and looked at themselves in the mirror before starting to undo their trousers.
“Tre!� I screamed, suddenly realising what he was doing and sitting bolt right up in the bath.
“Fucking hell!� He yelled back in shock, seeing me curled up in the bath. “What the fuck?!�
He staggered back in the corner of the bathroom, tumbling over the toilet seat. He looked at me as if I was some kind of freak show. He just stared at me as I sat up and rubbed my eyes before yawning. Mike came dashing in, looking at us both, a sense of quick panic on his face from the outburst of screaming.
“Yeah, I forgot to tell you Tre.� He admitted sheepishly. “Stef’s sleeping in the bathroom.�
Tre looked horrifically at him, before turning back to stare at me. Mike tried to hide his light giggles as I just gave Tre a staring contest. It could only happen to poor old Tre.
* * * * * * * *
I sat in the bathroom, thinking things through when Mike and Tre walked past to go outside.
“Where are you going?� I asked quickly.
“To get some breakfast.� Mike told me, pointing to the door.
“What about Billie Joe?�
“Don’t be stupid!� Tre laughed. “Billie Joe up this early? You’ve got to be joking!�
“He’ll be fine.� Mike said in between yawning. “You wanna come?�
“No, I’m not hungry.� I grumbled, yawning too.
Tre looked at Mike and shrugged his shoulders, before they opened the door to go and get some food.
“See you later.� They called out, slamming the door behind them.
I listened carefully as they walked down the hallway and down the stairs. Billie Joe was still asleep. I crept into the main part of the room, and found him in the far side bed, the other too empty and covered with Mike and Tre’s belongs. He lay peaceful asleep, his mouth slightly open and dug deep under the covers. He looked so cute. Why was it that all rock stars looked this cute in the mornings? I slowly walked over to his side, and looked down on his deep in thought. I thought I would never see him again. I thought I was dead. I wanted him so much. Only if he knew that. I carefully pulled back the corner of the duvet, which revealed his bare back. He was only wearing a pair of boxers. I sneakily slipped under the covers and lay next to him, his body heat warming me up. I snuggled up to him, knowing what I was doing was slightly wrong. I started to drift back into a light sleep, when he stirred and turned around, crushing me.
“Aw.� I whispered to myself, trying to move.
He slowly opened his eyes at hearing my voice, and came face to face with me. I just looked at him. He looked confused, before looking around the room to see where he was.
“What are you doing here?� He questioned, wincing.
I didn’t answer him. I didn’t really know myself why I was there in the bed with him. He looked at me, waiting for an answer, but I didn’t know what to say to him.
“Come here…� he waved to me, opening up his arms.
I shuffled forward and put myself against him as he wrapped his arms around me. Now I knew for sure that I had only been dreaming, because this felt so real. I snuggled myself up to him, closing my eyes and smiling.
“Where’s Tre and Mike?� He suddenly asked after a while, looking around.
“Gone to breakfast.�
“And you thought you’d wait until they had gone that you crawled into bed with me?� He mocked, smiling down on me.
My face turned red as I bit my lip in embarrassment. He laughed to himself as he still continued to hold me in his arms.
“So I guess that means we’ll be alone together for a while then?� He asked.
“Yeah. I guess so.�
There was another long pause between us. I snuggled up to him more, as he just stared blankly at the ceiling, thinking.
“Billie Joe…� I whispered.
“Hmmmmm.� He moaned in return, glancing down at me as I rested underneath his chin.
“I’ve been thinking.� I started again, speaking slowly as I tried to pluck up the courage.
“About what?� He asked, glancing down at me and wrapping his arms around me as I continued to rest under his chin.
I stopped to think about whether I had made the right decision or not. Was I right in saying what I was going to say? But after my ordeal nightmare, I was pretty sure. I wasn’t prepared to take the risk of loosing Billie Joe. As he said himself ‘It’s better to regret something you’ve done than something you haven’t.’ He had basically said it all for me. I went to carry on telling him.
“Been thinking, about us.� I hesitated, waiting for a reaction from him.
“Oh yeah.�
He tried not to sound too bothered with his laid back attitude, but I could tell that he felt slightly awkward.
“I’ve, well…I…erm…�
I stumbled across my words as he shifted and leaned forward slightly so he could see my face clearly and not from an angle. I wasn’t able to say what I wanted to say. I didn’t know how to word things without feeling embarrassed. I looked into his re-freshed green eyes from the night’s sleep I had disturbed him from. I might as well tell him straight. I was getting nowhere by delaying it any longer.
“I’m going to come. To…the…Grammies.� I carefully announced, looking up at him.
His face melted a hot warm smile, his eyes fulfilled with excitement. He reminded me of a little kid on Christmas morning. He screamed madly in excitement and joy as he looked at me in content.
“Yes!!!� He yelled happily, letting go of his grasp around me and instead rolling on top of me. “Yes!!!�
I laughed hysterically as he madly thumped the pillow with his fists on either side of my face.
“Yes! Yes! I fucking love you!� I screamed again, still thumping the pillows and the bed sheets.
It was just a figure of speech. He didn’t really mean it. I looked up at him as he rested on top of me. He stopped madly thumping things in his excitement and looked down to meet my eyes. There was another pause between us, as we both seemed to just stare at one another. Billie Joe slowly moved his hand from the pillow and gently tucked a loose strand of my hair back behind my ear.
“So, um…when is the Grammies then?� I asked, smiling.
“Oh, in 3 days.�
“3 days!� I yelled. “That’s like on Friday, and todays Tuesday!�
“Well done. You can count.�
“Don’t be sarcastic!� I playfully told him, looking up at him. “I never was that good at Maths or a few other subjects when it came to school.�
“You make up for it in other things though.�
“Oh, like what Billie Joe?�
I wanted to know what he thought I was ‘clever’ at, because I wasn’t clever at anything.
“Well…� he started, thinking.
See, he couldn’t think of anything straight away. He was just trying to make me feel better, and he was trying to prove me wrong.
“You can play guitar. That’s one thing!� He smiled.
So could most people on the punk/rock scene.
“Yeah, but that’s only because of you.� I mentioned, pushing him with my finger on his bare chest.
“Say, you…erm…wanna do something tomorrow night?� He asked, looking away shy. “Obviously tonight’s out because of the gig.�
“Hmmm.� I hummed back, thinking. “Just make sure Jimmy’s trampled tonight.�
Billie Joe’s cute smile suddenly vanished, as he curled his lip in hatred.
“Don’t worry. I will.� He assured me. “I’ll also make sure that he doesn’t have the chance to get back to his feet.�
I sniggered as an image of Jimmy being trampled to death in the mosh pit sprang into my mind. God, I wish that would happen. I wish I could be there to see it.
“What songs are you playing?� I asked.
If I couldn’t go the gig myself, I wanted to at least know what I was missing out on.
“American Idiot, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Minority, Basketcase, Longview, Good Riddance, King for a day - �
“King for a day?� I cried, cutting him short.
I absolutely adored King for a day. I remember when I first heard it. I couldn’t stop laughing.
“Are you gonna wear a thong!?�
“Nah.� He grumbled, slightly shaking his head.
“Damn it.� I shouted out loud, suddenly realising I had said the wrong thing.
I looked up at him as I threw my hand over my mouth. What was the point when people did that? It never helped the situation because you had already said it.
“What’s the point?� He sighed. “You’re not going to be there to see it.�
A huge smile spread across my face as he laughed at my surprised reaction. I didn’t know what to say back to him. Suddenly, Tre burst through the door like a crazed maniac, which is nothing unusual. Both me and Billie Joe shot an ‘oh-shit-we’ve-been-caught’ look at him, both our hearts pumping. He was lying on top of me in only a pair of boxers. It looked exactly what I wanted it to be. Only thing was, it wasn’t happening.
“Tre!� Billie Joe screamed mean fully at him.
Tre looked at us both curious, looking at Billie Joe in particular in his boxers.
“Tre!� He screamed again, still not budging from our position.
I just looked at Tre, waiting for an answer.
“The cops! The fucking cops!� Tre yelled wildly, pointing out the door.
He immediately within a split second threw himself on the floor at his suitcase and thrashed it open.
“Who? What? Where?!� Billie Joe panicked, moving himself off of me and running towards Tre.
“The cops?!� I repeated, scared.
They were still after us? Well, me and Tre anyways. I had kind of forgotten all about it. So much had happened since then.
“They’re coming dudes!� He screamed, throwing all of his stuff into his suitcase in a bundle.
“Holy shit!� Billie Joe cried, grabbing a pair of trousers from off of the floor and slipping them on.
So that was my last glimpse of the famous boxers ladies and gentlemen. It was fun while it lasted. Tre ran into the bathroom, nearly knocking Billie Joe over who was searching for a shirt or something to cover his bare chest. I just stood by the bed me and Billie Joe had been laying in a few minutes ago, on top of each other. What was I to do? There was nothing I could do, except for stand there. Tre hurriedly shifted out of the bathroom, his arms full up to under his chin with his toiletries. He threw them into the suitcase and crouched down on the floor beside it. He clamped it shut hurriedly, various parts of clothes hanging out between the gap.
“Tre, where you going?� I called out to him as he headed towards the door with his suitcase.
I ran after him and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him back inside.
“Where’s Mike?� I asked, as Billie Joe started to collect his stuff up around the room.
“I don’t know.� Tre whined. “I just ran.�
“So where’s he now?!�
“I don’t know!� He screamed at me again.
“Tre, they’re probably not even here for us.� I assured him, trying to hope that what I was saying was true myself.
“What makes you so sure?� He asked, turning to face me.
“I don’t…know.� I stuttered.
“Exactly! Billie Joe, I’ll call us a taxi.�
He pointed to the phone before putting his suitcase in the corner for the moment. I looked at Billie Joe.
“Hey, Tre, wait a minute!� Billie Joe called, standing up from collecting things off of the floor. “Where do you think we’re going to go?�
“Anywhere but here.� He replied, picking up the hotel room phone.
I looked at Billie Joe, who just gave me a confused and panicking look. He quickly collected his and Mike’s belongings up and threw them into their suitcases, not bothering to put them in the right band member’s suitcase. Then it dawned on me…what was going to happen to me? Where would I go? Would I go with them? Or we they abandon me? Oh shit, I didn’t want to even think about them leaving me. They wouldn’t do that, would they?
“What’s going to happen to me?� I asked, before Mike burst through the door.
“Mike!� Tre squealed like a little kid, as he pressed the phone against his ear.
“Never, fucking do that again!� He gasped at Tre, out of breath from running up the stairs. “I have just gotten myself into some deep shit because of you two!�
He pointed at me and then Tre, leaning his hands on is knees as he caught back his breath.
“What are we gonna do Mike?� Tre whined, looking at him for some kind of answer.
“We got to get away, that’s what!�
At the sound of this, Tre continued to call for a taxi. I had never known Mike to run away from something or someone. It must be pretty bad if he was telling us all to pack up and leave so suddenly. I always saw Mike as the sensible one.
“Wait, hold on guys!� Billie Joe called, waving his arms madly about. “We can’t just run away! What about Stef?�
They all looked at me, as there was an awkward silence. None of them knew what to say. Mike slowly turned back to face Billie Joe, his face kind of sad.
“Billie Joe, we have a gig tonight. We can’t afford to risk Tre ending up in jail.� He said, trying to prove a point.
Tre whimpered at the thought of being stuck in a cell. I gave him a sympathetic look. I was partly to blame as well.
“Why not? It’s only Jimmy.� I said to myself, but they all seemed to hear it.
I looked shamelessly back down at my feet, leaving it to them to debate amongst themselves.
“Come on Billie Joe.� Tre moaned helplessly, still waiting for a reply from the taxi company. “They’re after you as well you know!�
“What?!� Billie Joe screamed. “What the fuck have I done?�
“You’re the one who lied to the cops that you didn’t know us! Remember?!� Tre reminded us.
“When was this?� Billie Joe screamed again.
“After one of my auditions, when we had nearly…� I started, before trailing off. “Me and Tre ended up hiding under the table.�
“Oh yeah.� Billie Joe whispered, suddenly remembering it.
“You two were too busy trying to get into each others pants.� Tre said, pointing at us.
“When was this?!� Mike asked, confused.
Oh god. Mike. He didn’t know ANY of this did he? He hardly knew anything that was going on between me and Billie Joe. I had only told Tre. Well, he had to find out sometime. I just wish it hadn’t been now.
“Hello?� Tre asked on the phone, finally someone answering him. “Yes, we’d like to order a taxi please.�
“What’s going to happen to me?� I asked again, but still nobody answered.
Billie Joe just looked at the floor in embarrassment. Should I go pack my suitcase or what? I didn’t know what to do or what they were planning to do with me.
“Yes, so that will be $50?� I heard Tre ask the taxi company operator.
Billie Joe just stood there, mooching and looking down at his feet. Mike started to finish collecting up his stuff from where Billie Joe had stopped. He finally grabbed everything of his and clamped his suitcase shut tight, leaning on it for it to close fully.
“Billie Joe, don’t just stand there.� Mike softly mumbled at him, feeling sympathetic. “Come on, hurry up and pack. The cab will be here soon.�
Billie Joe ignored Mike’s orders for him to pack his things. Mike just looked at him for a while before finally giving in and packing his things up for him. I looked at Billie Joe, tears in my eyes. Was this really the end? Was this going to be the end of everything? This was my nightmare coming true. I would end up having to go back home. Home, the place I hated the most. They couldn’t leave. Not just like this. It just didn’t seem right. It was wrong. All fucking wrong. I started to think back to everything that had happened between the 4 of us. The memories. I started to think that memories were all I was going to have from now on. I couldn’t leave Billie Joe. I just couldn’t. Even if I had to go into hiding with them, I would. I thought back to when we had all first met. When Mike had heard me playing on my guitar in my hotel room and had knocked on my door. When he then introduced Tre and Billie Joe to me and my guitaring. Then me bursting out crying and Billie Joe comforting me when it came to my problems at home. Then he had taken me to Amp’s Way, the guitar shop, where I had first set my eyes on my new blue Fender Jagstang, which was now sitting in the corner of my hotel room. Then there was the tickle fight, which had lead to Billie Joe and I kissing - and then Adrienne had phoned and interrupted us. That seemed so long ago, back when we had only known each other for a couple of days. That had been the start of our feelings. That had been the start of our ‘thing.’ The millions of lessons Billie Joe had given me to prepare for my audition. Then who could forget the evening when we all got so pissed on shots and had lead to me and Tre stealing from a shop for some more booze. That was exactly why I was here now, watching Green Day slip away from me. All because of some stupid urge for alcohol. Then there had been the many auditions that had followed, and of course, to go along with it, the many attempts of me and Billie Joe trying to get into each other’s pants. Then I had made it to the final, leading to me then being beaten up. Billie Joe had then brought me my new guitar, which I used in the final, and meeting Jimmy. Loosing the final, the fight with Jimmy, Toni and Louisa in the parking lot. And now we were standing here, all of that coming to a close end. Oh my god, I didn’t want it end. It couldn’t end. Not like this. We had too much to do still. What about the Grammies? What about me and Billie Joe? I had to do or say something.
“The taxi will be here in 10 minutes.� Tre told them, putting the phone down.
“I’ll come with you!� I blurted out, desperate to stay with them.
Billie Joe just looked up at me. From the look on his saddened face, I guess that even that wasn’t possible. Mike clamped Billie Joe’s suitcase shut, and stood it up on the floor. Why was everyone ignoring me?
“What about me?� I repeated, but this time quietly.
“Can’t she come with us?� Tre asked, suddenly realising that I was still standing there. “They are after her too you know.�
At least someone was thinking about me. There seemed to be an awkward pause between all of us as we all tried to think of a way out of this.
“So they’re after all of us then aren’t they?� Mike asked, looking at us all individually.
“Yup. Guess so.� I replied, shifting my feet on the spot.
“Holy shit…� Billie Joe whispered to himself, sitting on the edge of the bed and planting his head in his hands.
I wanted to go over there and hug him tight and comfort him, but I wasn’t going to. Not with Mike and Tre around and with the cops close behind us, somewhere in this hotel. Well, I had guessed that’s where they had been seen anyways.
“What do you want to do Billie?� Mike asked, titling his head to one side slightly.
“What do I wanna do?� Billie Joe repeated, looking up at him. “What I wanna do is be at home, where none of this has happened. Where the cops aren’t involved and where there are no complications. I’m kind of tired of just, …everything! Nothing is making fucking sense!�
He slammed his fists into the duvet beside him, anger and frustration building up inside of him. Tears started to well up in my eyes. He wanted to be at home, where none of this had happened. He wanted to be with Adrienne. He had wished that none of this had happened. Oh my fucking god…look at what I had done. I had ruined him. I hated this. I had torn Billie Joe in two, the man I loved the most. I didn’t want to show my tears, so I bowed my head down in shame. I kept telling myself that it was just a lash of anger, nothing else, and that he didn’t mean a word of it. He was just angry and frustrated. I hoped and prayed that that was all it was. I wiped my eyes with my hands and the tears spread across my palm. I was always crying these days. I was too emotional. Maybe I needed to calm down. I cried at everything. I remember I cried when I had to cancel my 17th birthday meal, because not enough people could come. I hated rejection. It was the worst thing ever. And right now, I felt as if Billie Joe, the man I loved the most, was rejecting me. It was awful. Fucking awful. The worst gut wrenching feeling ever. Tre peered out of the window and down onto the ground below.
“Taxi’s here!� He cried suddenly, running to grab his suitcase.
Mike quickly moved too, and turned round to pick up his own suitcase, that had just literally been shut a few minutes ago.
“Come on Billie Joe!� He called; they both headed out of the door, as Billie Joe reluctantly stood up and dragged his suitcase off of the bed and down the hallway.
I stood there in the middle of the room, in between the bathroom and door, as they all rushed past. Billie Joe slumped past me, his head down so he couldn’t see me. He stole a glance off of me and gave me one final look. The tears streamed down my face as I watched him leave in front of me. By the look on his face, I don’t think he could bring himself to say anything to me. He headed off down the corridor and down the staircase following the others, not looking back because it was just too horrible. I looked around their empty room, everything gone. Just an empty room with 3 empty beds. One which me and Billie Joe had been lying in earlier. The life and soul of the place had gone, along with the love I had. My life felt as if it was over. I couldn’t go back to the life I had before Green Day and Billie Joe. It was my nightmare coming true. I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t go back home. I couldn’t let it come to that. Without a second thought, I ran out of the room and down the stairs after them. This was where those many PE lessons came in handy. I literally flew down the stairs, bursting through the door when I reached the final floor, crashing against it. I raced through the lobby, just to see them dragging their suitcases down the concrete steps outside, and down to the taxi. Tre frantically threw his suitcase down, as Mike looked around to see if the police were around or watching. Billie Joe just stood at the top of the steps and watched them. I could tell he didn’t want to do this. It wasn’t like Billie Joe to run away from things. I raced forward, hoping to catch them just in time. I wasn’t going to let Green Day go that easily. Not after everything that had happened. Tre jumped inside the taxi as Mike went to follow before calling out to Billie Joe.
“Come on Billie Joe!� He called, as Billie Joe still stood at the top with his suitcase.
“Wait!� I screamed, charging towards him.
Billie Joe suddenly turned around at the sound of my voice, as I ran towards him. Mike looked at me as I ran towards Billie Joe, knowing what was happening was wrong. They couldn’t leave. It was cruel if they did. I flung myself around Billie Joe, never wanting to let him go in case he had to go away inside that dreaded taxi. He hugged me tight back, nuzzling his face into my neck.
“Don’t go.� I pleaded, crying into his ruffled hair.
He hadn’t even brushed it from waking up this morning. He pulled away and looked at Tre and Mike, waiting to leave in the taxi. He looked down on me, an expression of confusion and pain on his face. He was torn between worlds, and cruelly, he couldn’t have both.
I screamed my lungs out as I sat bolt right up in bed in a cold sweat. I looked around to see the familiar surroundings of my hotel room. I looked in the corner to see my Fender Jagstang. Was this a dream? Was it possible to go back into the same dream twice? Maybe my step-dad’s strangling had caused me to black out and I was dreaming again. Wishing I were back where I longed to be. I reached down by the bed and grabbed the nearest thing near me – which was my old guitar that I crashed across the top of my head in a moment of fright. Fucking hell…that fucking hurt. I wasn’t intending for it to be my old guitar. Oh well, it still has some use. I rubbed my head, placing the guitar next to me on the bed. Well one thing was for sure. I wasn’t dreaming if my head hurt this much. It had only been a fucking nightmare. Thank fucking god! I could hear myself breathing loudly, the only sound that filled the room. I rushed out of bed and walked out onto the balcony, just to definitely check I wasn’t dreaming this. The city night-lights lit up the night, the sound of cars and people laughing echoing in the air. My heart was pounding madly and I was shaking from both the burst of fresh air and my nightmare. I walked back inside and sat on the end of my bed, rubbing my eyes. I was so glad to be here, and not at home. I hated it there. I hated it there so much that I had preferred to die if I had to live there again. I had to make sure that I was actually awake, and not dreaming this. I had to see that Billie Joe, Tre and Mike were downstairs, here with me in this very hotel. Just to put my mind at rest. I fumbled around in the dark for my battered converse on the floor somewhere. I didn’t even think once to put the light on. I slipped them on my feet and crept outside of my room and down the hallway towards the staircases. I slowly tiptoed down to the 4th floor, careful not to wake anyone up as I passed the hundreds of rooms. I reached their room and knocked quietly on their door, checking to see if there was anybody around. I stood there in suspense, as I waited for someone to answer the door. I stood there for a few minutes, but it seemed like ages. I started to feel slightly nervous that no one was answering the door, and started to fear the worst. Maybe I WAS dreaming this. I knocked frantically on the door again, hoping and praying that it was Green Day who was staying in the room. Finally, Mike stumbled and answered the door, barely opening his eyes. It wasn’t Billie Joe, but I flung my arms around him, holding on to him for dear life and closing my eyes tightly shut. He staggered back, and looked confusingly down at me. He rubbed his eyes to wake himself up more and hugged me back. He didn’t know what he was doing or where he was, he just rested his arms on my back because I was hugging him. We both just seemed to stand there for ages. I opened my eyes and in the corner of them looked up to him, just being able to see the back of his head and ruffled hair.
“Ummm, Mike?� I whispered. “You’re squishing me.�
“Arh, sorry.� He mumbled pulling away from me.
He didn’t have a clue on what he was doing. I still held on to him tightly as he scratch the top his head, causing his hair to fluff up.
“What are you doing here?� He slurred, suddenly realising what was happening.
“Is Billie Joe with you?� I asked, panicky.
“What?!�
“Just tell me! Is here there with you?� I pleaded.
“Yeah, he is. Why wouldn’t he? What’s happened? What’s going on?� He asked, wincing from the light that was in the hallway.
“Nothing.� I whispered, still holding on to him.
“Stef, what’s happened? Tell me.� He spoke softly, looking down on me.
He was so tall compared to me. He always seemed to tower over me. I suddenly burst out crying in my relief that everything was how I wanted it to be.
“I had..a..nightmare..Mike.� I sobbed. “I was back…at home..and my step-dad, well, he..killed me.�
“Oh. Shit.� He whispered, seeing my reaction. “Come in.�
He pulled me inside before checking down the hallway that no one was watching. He closed the door behind us and took me into the bathroom. He closed the door before turning on the light not to wake Billie Joe or Tre up who were still sleeping in the main part of the room.
“Tell me what happened.� He asked softly, leaning against the radiator as I sat on the edge of the bath.
“I had a nightmare.� I told him again. “I was back at home, and I was really confused because it was as if I had come home from staying with you guys. But I didn’t know why I was at home. I tried to run away and find you but my step-dad ended up strangling me because I dropped a dish and…�
I stopped my confessing. I looked up at him, tears in my eyes.
“Mike… I thought I was dead and that I would…never see you again.�
I broke down into another fit of sobs, hiding my face in my hands. My wristband collecting up the tears, dampening it.
“Hey, it’s ok.� He assured me, leaning over and hugging me. “It was only a dream. You’re safe now, and with us.�
“I’m sorry I woke you up.� I snivelled. “I just had to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming and that I was still with you.�
“It’s fine, honestly.� He smiled. “Someone once told me, that if you die in your dreams, then it means that you’re entering a new chapter within your life.�
“Really?� I pondered, looking up at him in curiosity. “Who told you that?�
“Just someone. Anyways, if it makes you feel any better, you can stay with us tonight.�
I looked up at him, feeling a little better. “Really?�
“Yeah, I’m sure the other’s won’t mind. But you’ll have to stay in here though. There’s no room out there. Tre’s taken up all the room.� He laughed, smiling at me again.
“Are you sure?� I wondered, wiping my eyes dry.
“I’m sure.� He placed his hand on my shoulder sympathetically. “I’ll just go and get you some blankets.�
He wondered off out of the bathroom to get me some blankets as I stared blankly around their bathroom. Their various belongs scattered across the place. I was so thankful and relieved that it had only been a dream. A dream that I would never forget. I wonder who told Mike that? I wasn’t going to ask again though because it was kind of obvious he didn’t want to say who. I waited for Mike to return as I heard him in the room shuffle about the place for some blankets for me. I felt so much better now I was with them. I thought I was back home. I thought I was dead. And most importantly, was that I thought I would never see Billie Joe again.
* * * * * * *
So that night, I spent it in the bath. I had Billie Joe’s spare pillow and a couple of blankets Mike had found in the cupboard. Mike had nicked Billie Joe’s pillow from under his head as he was sleeping, making him grumble and fight within his sleep. It was weird, sleeping in the bath. But I liked it, because it was a different surrounding and was kinda kewl at the same time. Throughout the night I could hear various grumbles and snoring from all of them, making me giggle. It wasn’t until the early hours of the morning, that I managed to drift back to sleep myself. Only to remember that I had to be awake within a few more hours. I turned around in the bath, barely opening my eyes. The blankets were twisted and wrapped around me, making it a puzzle to get them off. I fought with them viciously every so often, thrashing my arms and legs about in my irritation. Sometime later on, I heard someone get up and stumble into the bathroom. I winced through my eyes that were still barely open, trying to come to my senses. They pushed the toilet seat up and stretched up high, scratching their chest. They yawned and looked at themselves in the mirror before starting to undo their trousers.
“Tre!� I screamed, suddenly realising what he was doing and sitting bolt right up in the bath.
“Fucking hell!� He yelled back in shock, seeing me curled up in the bath. “What the fuck?!�
He staggered back in the corner of the bathroom, tumbling over the toilet seat. He looked at me as if I was some kind of freak show. He just stared at me as I sat up and rubbed my eyes before yawning. Mike came dashing in, looking at us both, a sense of quick panic on his face from the outburst of screaming.
“Yeah, I forgot to tell you Tre.� He admitted sheepishly. “Stef’s sleeping in the bathroom.�
Tre looked horrifically at him, before turning back to stare at me. Mike tried to hide his light giggles as I just gave Tre a staring contest. It could only happen to poor old Tre.
* * * * * * * *
I sat in the bathroom, thinking things through when Mike and Tre walked past to go outside.
“Where are you going?� I asked quickly.
“To get some breakfast.� Mike told me, pointing to the door.
“What about Billie Joe?�
“Don’t be stupid!� Tre laughed. “Billie Joe up this early? You’ve got to be joking!�
“He’ll be fine.� Mike said in between yawning. “You wanna come?�
“No, I’m not hungry.� I grumbled, yawning too.
Tre looked at Mike and shrugged his shoulders, before they opened the door to go and get some food.
“See you later.� They called out, slamming the door behind them.
I listened carefully as they walked down the hallway and down the stairs. Billie Joe was still asleep. I crept into the main part of the room, and found him in the far side bed, the other too empty and covered with Mike and Tre’s belongs. He lay peaceful asleep, his mouth slightly open and dug deep under the covers. He looked so cute. Why was it that all rock stars looked this cute in the mornings? I slowly walked over to his side, and looked down on his deep in thought. I thought I would never see him again. I thought I was dead. I wanted him so much. Only if he knew that. I carefully pulled back the corner of the duvet, which revealed his bare back. He was only wearing a pair of boxers. I sneakily slipped under the covers and lay next to him, his body heat warming me up. I snuggled up to him, knowing what I was doing was slightly wrong. I started to drift back into a light sleep, when he stirred and turned around, crushing me.
“Aw.� I whispered to myself, trying to move.
He slowly opened his eyes at hearing my voice, and came face to face with me. I just looked at him. He looked confused, before looking around the room to see where he was.
“What are you doing here?� He questioned, wincing.
I didn’t answer him. I didn’t really know myself why I was there in the bed with him. He looked at me, waiting for an answer, but I didn’t know what to say to him.
“Come here…� he waved to me, opening up his arms.
I shuffled forward and put myself against him as he wrapped his arms around me. Now I knew for sure that I had only been dreaming, because this felt so real. I snuggled myself up to him, closing my eyes and smiling.
“Where’s Tre and Mike?� He suddenly asked after a while, looking around.
“Gone to breakfast.�
“And you thought you’d wait until they had gone that you crawled into bed with me?� He mocked, smiling down on me.
My face turned red as I bit my lip in embarrassment. He laughed to himself as he still continued to hold me in his arms.
“So I guess that means we’ll be alone together for a while then?� He asked.
“Yeah. I guess so.�
There was another long pause between us. I snuggled up to him more, as he just stared blankly at the ceiling, thinking.
“Billie Joe…� I whispered.
“Hmmmmm.� He moaned in return, glancing down at me as I rested underneath his chin.
“I’ve been thinking.� I started again, speaking slowly as I tried to pluck up the courage.
“About what?� He asked, glancing down at me and wrapping his arms around me as I continued to rest under his chin.
I stopped to think about whether I had made the right decision or not. Was I right in saying what I was going to say? But after my ordeal nightmare, I was pretty sure. I wasn’t prepared to take the risk of loosing Billie Joe. As he said himself ‘It’s better to regret something you’ve done than something you haven’t.’ He had basically said it all for me. I went to carry on telling him.
“Been thinking, about us.� I hesitated, waiting for a reaction from him.
“Oh yeah.�
He tried not to sound too bothered with his laid back attitude, but I could tell that he felt slightly awkward.
“I’ve, well…I…erm…�
I stumbled across my words as he shifted and leaned forward slightly so he could see my face clearly and not from an angle. I wasn’t able to say what I wanted to say. I didn’t know how to word things without feeling embarrassed. I looked into his re-freshed green eyes from the night’s sleep I had disturbed him from. I might as well tell him straight. I was getting nowhere by delaying it any longer.
“I’m going to come. To…the…Grammies.� I carefully announced, looking up at him.
His face melted a hot warm smile, his eyes fulfilled with excitement. He reminded me of a little kid on Christmas morning. He screamed madly in excitement and joy as he looked at me in content.
“Yes!!!� He yelled happily, letting go of his grasp around me and instead rolling on top of me. “Yes!!!�
I laughed hysterically as he madly thumped the pillow with his fists on either side of my face.
“Yes! Yes! I fucking love you!� I screamed again, still thumping the pillows and the bed sheets.
It was just a figure of speech. He didn’t really mean it. I looked up at him as he rested on top of me. He stopped madly thumping things in his excitement and looked down to meet my eyes. There was another pause between us, as we both seemed to just stare at one another. Billie Joe slowly moved his hand from the pillow and gently tucked a loose strand of my hair back behind my ear.
“So, um…when is the Grammies then?� I asked, smiling.
“Oh, in 3 days.�
“3 days!� I yelled. “That’s like on Friday, and todays Tuesday!�
“Well done. You can count.�
“Don’t be sarcastic!� I playfully told him, looking up at him. “I never was that good at Maths or a few other subjects when it came to school.�
“You make up for it in other things though.�
“Oh, like what Billie Joe?�
I wanted to know what he thought I was ‘clever’ at, because I wasn’t clever at anything.
“Well…� he started, thinking.
See, he couldn’t think of anything straight away. He was just trying to make me feel better, and he was trying to prove me wrong.
“You can play guitar. That’s one thing!� He smiled.
So could most people on the punk/rock scene.
“Yeah, but that’s only because of you.� I mentioned, pushing him with my finger on his bare chest.
“Say, you…erm…wanna do something tomorrow night?� He asked, looking away shy. “Obviously tonight’s out because of the gig.�
“Hmmm.� I hummed back, thinking. “Just make sure Jimmy’s trampled tonight.�
Billie Joe’s cute smile suddenly vanished, as he curled his lip in hatred.
“Don’t worry. I will.� He assured me. “I’ll also make sure that he doesn’t have the chance to get back to his feet.�
I sniggered as an image of Jimmy being trampled to death in the mosh pit sprang into my mind. God, I wish that would happen. I wish I could be there to see it.
“What songs are you playing?� I asked.
If I couldn’t go the gig myself, I wanted to at least know what I was missing out on.
“American Idiot, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Minority, Basketcase, Longview, Good Riddance, King for a day - �
“King for a day?� I cried, cutting him short.
I absolutely adored King for a day. I remember when I first heard it. I couldn’t stop laughing.
“Are you gonna wear a thong!?�
“Nah.� He grumbled, slightly shaking his head.
“Damn it.� I shouted out loud, suddenly realising I had said the wrong thing.
I looked up at him as I threw my hand over my mouth. What was the point when people did that? It never helped the situation because you had already said it.
“What’s the point?� He sighed. “You’re not going to be there to see it.�
A huge smile spread across my face as he laughed at my surprised reaction. I didn’t know what to say back to him. Suddenly, Tre burst through the door like a crazed maniac, which is nothing unusual. Both me and Billie Joe shot an ‘oh-shit-we’ve-been-caught’ look at him, both our hearts pumping. He was lying on top of me in only a pair of boxers. It looked exactly what I wanted it to be. Only thing was, it wasn’t happening.
“Tre!� Billie Joe screamed mean fully at him.
Tre looked at us both curious, looking at Billie Joe in particular in his boxers.
“Tre!� He screamed again, still not budging from our position.
I just looked at Tre, waiting for an answer.
“The cops! The fucking cops!� Tre yelled wildly, pointing out the door.
He immediately within a split second threw himself on the floor at his suitcase and thrashed it open.
“Who? What? Where?!� Billie Joe panicked, moving himself off of me and running towards Tre.
“The cops?!� I repeated, scared.
They were still after us? Well, me and Tre anyways. I had kind of forgotten all about it. So much had happened since then.
“They’re coming dudes!� He screamed, throwing all of his stuff into his suitcase in a bundle.
“Holy shit!� Billie Joe cried, grabbing a pair of trousers from off of the floor and slipping them on.
So that was my last glimpse of the famous boxers ladies and gentlemen. It was fun while it lasted. Tre ran into the bathroom, nearly knocking Billie Joe over who was searching for a shirt or something to cover his bare chest. I just stood by the bed me and Billie Joe had been laying in a few minutes ago, on top of each other. What was I to do? There was nothing I could do, except for stand there. Tre hurriedly shifted out of the bathroom, his arms full up to under his chin with his toiletries. He threw them into the suitcase and crouched down on the floor beside it. He clamped it shut hurriedly, various parts of clothes hanging out between the gap.
“Tre, where you going?� I called out to him as he headed towards the door with his suitcase.
I ran after him and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him back inside.
“Where’s Mike?� I asked, as Billie Joe started to collect his stuff up around the room.
“I don’t know.� Tre whined. “I just ran.�
“So where’s he now?!�
“I don’t know!� He screamed at me again.
“Tre, they’re probably not even here for us.� I assured him, trying to hope that what I was saying was true myself.
“What makes you so sure?� He asked, turning to face me.
“I don’t…know.� I stuttered.
“Exactly! Billie Joe, I’ll call us a taxi.�
He pointed to the phone before putting his suitcase in the corner for the moment. I looked at Billie Joe.
“Hey, Tre, wait a minute!� Billie Joe called, standing up from collecting things off of the floor. “Where do you think we’re going to go?�
“Anywhere but here.� He replied, picking up the hotel room phone.
I looked at Billie Joe, who just gave me a confused and panicking look. He quickly collected his and Mike’s belongings up and threw them into their suitcases, not bothering to put them in the right band member’s suitcase. Then it dawned on me…what was going to happen to me? Where would I go? Would I go with them? Or we they abandon me? Oh shit, I didn’t want to even think about them leaving me. They wouldn’t do that, would they?
“What’s going to happen to me?� I asked, before Mike burst through the door.
“Mike!� Tre squealed like a little kid, as he pressed the phone against his ear.
“Never, fucking do that again!� He gasped at Tre, out of breath from running up the stairs. “I have just gotten myself into some deep shit because of you two!�
He pointed at me and then Tre, leaning his hands on is knees as he caught back his breath.
“What are we gonna do Mike?� Tre whined, looking at him for some kind of answer.
“We got to get away, that’s what!�
At the sound of this, Tre continued to call for a taxi. I had never known Mike to run away from something or someone. It must be pretty bad if he was telling us all to pack up and leave so suddenly. I always saw Mike as the sensible one.
“Wait, hold on guys!� Billie Joe called, waving his arms madly about. “We can’t just run away! What about Stef?�
They all looked at me, as there was an awkward silence. None of them knew what to say. Mike slowly turned back to face Billie Joe, his face kind of sad.
“Billie Joe, we have a gig tonight. We can’t afford to risk Tre ending up in jail.� He said, trying to prove a point.
Tre whimpered at the thought of being stuck in a cell. I gave him a sympathetic look. I was partly to blame as well.
“Why not? It’s only Jimmy.� I said to myself, but they all seemed to hear it.
I looked shamelessly back down at my feet, leaving it to them to debate amongst themselves.
“Come on Billie Joe.� Tre moaned helplessly, still waiting for a reply from the taxi company. “They’re after you as well you know!�
“What?!� Billie Joe screamed. “What the fuck have I done?�
“You’re the one who lied to the cops that you didn’t know us! Remember?!� Tre reminded us.
“When was this?� Billie Joe screamed again.
“After one of my auditions, when we had nearly…� I started, before trailing off. “Me and Tre ended up hiding under the table.�
“Oh yeah.� Billie Joe whispered, suddenly remembering it.
“You two were too busy trying to get into each others pants.� Tre said, pointing at us.
“When was this?!� Mike asked, confused.
Oh god. Mike. He didn’t know ANY of this did he? He hardly knew anything that was going on between me and Billie Joe. I had only told Tre. Well, he had to find out sometime. I just wish it hadn’t been now.
“Hello?� Tre asked on the phone, finally someone answering him. “Yes, we’d like to order a taxi please.�
“What’s going to happen to me?� I asked again, but still nobody answered.
Billie Joe just looked at the floor in embarrassment. Should I go pack my suitcase or what? I didn’t know what to do or what they were planning to do with me.
“Yes, so that will be $50?� I heard Tre ask the taxi company operator.
Billie Joe just stood there, mooching and looking down at his feet. Mike started to finish collecting up his stuff from where Billie Joe had stopped. He finally grabbed everything of his and clamped his suitcase shut tight, leaning on it for it to close fully.
“Billie Joe, don’t just stand there.� Mike softly mumbled at him, feeling sympathetic. “Come on, hurry up and pack. The cab will be here soon.�
Billie Joe ignored Mike’s orders for him to pack his things. Mike just looked at him for a while before finally giving in and packing his things up for him. I looked at Billie Joe, tears in my eyes. Was this really the end? Was this going to be the end of everything? This was my nightmare coming true. I would end up having to go back home. Home, the place I hated the most. They couldn’t leave. Not just like this. It just didn’t seem right. It was wrong. All fucking wrong. I started to think back to everything that had happened between the 4 of us. The memories. I started to think that memories were all I was going to have from now on. I couldn’t leave Billie Joe. I just couldn’t. Even if I had to go into hiding with them, I would. I thought back to when we had all first met. When Mike had heard me playing on my guitar in my hotel room and had knocked on my door. When he then introduced Tre and Billie Joe to me and my guitaring. Then me bursting out crying and Billie Joe comforting me when it came to my problems at home. Then he had taken me to Amp’s Way, the guitar shop, where I had first set my eyes on my new blue Fender Jagstang, which was now sitting in the corner of my hotel room. Then there was the tickle fight, which had lead to Billie Joe and I kissing - and then Adrienne had phoned and interrupted us. That seemed so long ago, back when we had only known each other for a couple of days. That had been the start of our feelings. That had been the start of our ‘thing.’ The millions of lessons Billie Joe had given me to prepare for my audition. Then who could forget the evening when we all got so pissed on shots and had lead to me and Tre stealing from a shop for some more booze. That was exactly why I was here now, watching Green Day slip away from me. All because of some stupid urge for alcohol. Then there had been the many auditions that had followed, and of course, to go along with it, the many attempts of me and Billie Joe trying to get into each other’s pants. Then I had made it to the final, leading to me then being beaten up. Billie Joe had then brought me my new guitar, which I used in the final, and meeting Jimmy. Loosing the final, the fight with Jimmy, Toni and Louisa in the parking lot. And now we were standing here, all of that coming to a close end. Oh my god, I didn’t want it end. It couldn’t end. Not like this. We had too much to do still. What about the Grammies? What about me and Billie Joe? I had to do or say something.
“The taxi will be here in 10 minutes.� Tre told them, putting the phone down.
“I’ll come with you!� I blurted out, desperate to stay with them.
Billie Joe just looked up at me. From the look on his saddened face, I guess that even that wasn’t possible. Mike clamped Billie Joe’s suitcase shut, and stood it up on the floor. Why was everyone ignoring me?
“What about me?� I repeated, but this time quietly.
“Can’t she come with us?� Tre asked, suddenly realising that I was still standing there. “They are after her too you know.�
At least someone was thinking about me. There seemed to be an awkward pause between all of us as we all tried to think of a way out of this.
“So they’re after all of us then aren’t they?� Mike asked, looking at us all individually.
“Yup. Guess so.� I replied, shifting my feet on the spot.
“Holy shit…� Billie Joe whispered to himself, sitting on the edge of the bed and planting his head in his hands.
I wanted to go over there and hug him tight and comfort him, but I wasn’t going to. Not with Mike and Tre around and with the cops close behind us, somewhere in this hotel. Well, I had guessed that’s where they had been seen anyways.
“What do you want to do Billie?� Mike asked, titling his head to one side slightly.
“What do I wanna do?� Billie Joe repeated, looking up at him. “What I wanna do is be at home, where none of this has happened. Where the cops aren’t involved and where there are no complications. I’m kind of tired of just, …everything! Nothing is making fucking sense!�
He slammed his fists into the duvet beside him, anger and frustration building up inside of him. Tears started to well up in my eyes. He wanted to be at home, where none of this had happened. He wanted to be with Adrienne. He had wished that none of this had happened. Oh my fucking god…look at what I had done. I had ruined him. I hated this. I had torn Billie Joe in two, the man I loved the most. I didn’t want to show my tears, so I bowed my head down in shame. I kept telling myself that it was just a lash of anger, nothing else, and that he didn’t mean a word of it. He was just angry and frustrated. I hoped and prayed that that was all it was. I wiped my eyes with my hands and the tears spread across my palm. I was always crying these days. I was too emotional. Maybe I needed to calm down. I cried at everything. I remember I cried when I had to cancel my 17th birthday meal, because not enough people could come. I hated rejection. It was the worst thing ever. And right now, I felt as if Billie Joe, the man I loved the most, was rejecting me. It was awful. Fucking awful. The worst gut wrenching feeling ever. Tre peered out of the window and down onto the ground below.
“Taxi’s here!� He cried suddenly, running to grab his suitcase.
Mike quickly moved too, and turned round to pick up his own suitcase, that had just literally been shut a few minutes ago.
“Come on Billie Joe!� He called; they both headed out of the door, as Billie Joe reluctantly stood up and dragged his suitcase off of the bed and down the hallway.
I stood there in the middle of the room, in between the bathroom and door, as they all rushed past. Billie Joe slumped past me, his head down so he couldn’t see me. He stole a glance off of me and gave me one final look. The tears streamed down my face as I watched him leave in front of me. By the look on his face, I don’t think he could bring himself to say anything to me. He headed off down the corridor and down the staircase following the others, not looking back because it was just too horrible. I looked around their empty room, everything gone. Just an empty room with 3 empty beds. One which me and Billie Joe had been lying in earlier. The life and soul of the place had gone, along with the love I had. My life felt as if it was over. I couldn’t go back to the life I had before Green Day and Billie Joe. It was my nightmare coming true. I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t go back home. I couldn’t let it come to that. Without a second thought, I ran out of the room and down the stairs after them. This was where those many PE lessons came in handy. I literally flew down the stairs, bursting through the door when I reached the final floor, crashing against it. I raced through the lobby, just to see them dragging their suitcases down the concrete steps outside, and down to the taxi. Tre frantically threw his suitcase down, as Mike looked around to see if the police were around or watching. Billie Joe just stood at the top of the steps and watched them. I could tell he didn’t want to do this. It wasn’t like Billie Joe to run away from things. I raced forward, hoping to catch them just in time. I wasn’t going to let Green Day go that easily. Not after everything that had happened. Tre jumped inside the taxi as Mike went to follow before calling out to Billie Joe.
“Come on Billie Joe!� He called, as Billie Joe still stood at the top with his suitcase.
“Wait!� I screamed, charging towards him.
Billie Joe suddenly turned around at the sound of my voice, as I ran towards him. Mike looked at me as I ran towards Billie Joe, knowing what was happening was wrong. They couldn’t leave. It was cruel if they did. I flung myself around Billie Joe, never wanting to let him go in case he had to go away inside that dreaded taxi. He hugged me tight back, nuzzling his face into my neck.
“Don’t go.� I pleaded, crying into his ruffled hair.
He hadn’t even brushed it from waking up this morning. He pulled away and looked at Tre and Mike, waiting to leave in the taxi. He looked down on me, an expression of confusion and pain on his face. He was torn between worlds, and cruelly, he couldn’t have both.
