A Note Don't Come Easy, chapter 23
I sat on the balcony, my head and arms rested against the bars as I over looked the night's sky. The stars glittered miles away, making the image of a distilled mind. It reminded me of the first time I had heard Wake Me Up When Septembers Ends. It had been Christmas day, and I was sitting in the dark, in my Nan's room on my own. I had been given the American Idiot album for Christmas. That's all I had wanted that Christmas, I didn't want to open anything else once I had it. I was just so happy with that one CD. Everyone had been arguing with each other, and it had only reminded me of how broken we were as a family. It broke my heart, because even on Christmas day nobody could put aside their differences and get along for once. It just constantly reminded me of my Granddad being gone, because Christmas had never been the same since he had died. He was always the one to make Christmas, and without him, it was dead. I had dragged the CD player up the stairs and had shut the door, desperately blocking out the noise of the people I was related to's absurd shouting. I had put on my treasured present, and sat and listened to it whilst staring out of the window, staring at the stars in the still night sky. Staring at the same picture tonight reminded me of that day, and how much that song meant to me. It was such a beautiful song, and it would always be a part of my life. I suddenly felt dark emotionally inside, all these pitiful memories and thoughts wallowing in my mind. I sighed heavily, waiting for Billie Joe to return. You lucky bastard Jimmy. I didn't care if Green Day got their fans to trample him to death, he shouldn't have been there in the first fucking place. Technically, I shouldn't be there either, because I had cheated, but guilt and winning was better to cope with than the dark feelings I was feeling right now inside. I looked up into the sky again, it being so peaceful and still. I was being melodramatic, I know, but in my opinion, the stars and the night sky were the most inspiring and prettiest thing on earth. There was a slight noise of footsteps and muttering off in the distance. I couldn't hear properly because I was sitting outside. I slouched further into my chair when I heard a faint knock at my door. I cocked my head in the direction of the noise, staring at my door from the other side of the room on the tiny balcony. I didn't really know whether it had been my door or not. Another light tap echoed through my room, shifting me from my seat out on the balcony. I dragged myself to the door, rubbing my eyes in my insomniac phrase as I opened it up. I had never been the one to sleep properly or good healthy decent hours.
"Hey." Billie Joe smiled, looking slightly rough from the lack of energy that had been used for the gig.
"Hey." I yawned, quickly covering my mouth.
"I brought someone to see you." He smiled, a glint of cheekiness shining through in those tired eyes of his.
I looked at him in suspension, as he stepped out of the way to the side to reveal a familiar figure to me. I felt my eyes open wide, my jaw hanging open slightly in shock. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
"Ashlee... ?" I asked, kind of surprised to say the least at seeing my first Green Day friend standing in the doorway next to Billie Joe.
"Hey Stefo!" She laughed, smiling.
"Oh my god!"
That's all I could say. Oh my god. I was just shocked. How did Billie Joe find her?
"How did you... ?" I asked, trailing off of my words in my surprise.
"Find her?" Billie Joe asked, finishing off my sentence for me. "I'm full of surprises."
Yeah, you ARE Billie Joe Armstrong, and it never ceases to amaze me. I looked at Billie Joe waiting for an answer, and then at Ashlee. I was so fucking surprised to see her, standing in front of me, thousands of miles away from home too. I was just in complete shock and excitement at the same time. I didn't know what to do. How the fuck did Billie Joe know I was friends with her?
"Just happens so that Ashlee mentioned your favourite Green Day website." He told me, smiling with pride at making me happy. "She also mentioned your username, Stef. Or should I say, billie_joe_fit."
He smiled as he called me by my username, making me beam with excitement and happiness. This was too good to be true.
"It was just luck that I got to meet them again." Ashlee smiled, looking at me.
"Lucky cow." I joked, laughing.
I remember when Ashlee had met Green Day when she saw them in Manchester. I was so jealous! I remember being shocked when I found out that she had met Billie Joe. I had been happy for her though, because someone I knew had met them. I had met Ashlee on geekstinkbreath.net, my favourite Green Day website. Like I had said to Billie Joe earlier, this website had been my second home and my sanctuary whilst I had been living at home. Most of my closest friends were from the website. It was an awesome place though.
"I mentioned you to them and told you that you were a big fan. I gave them your username so they could email you if they wanted. That's when Billie Joe asked me if I knew you." Ashlee told me, nudging towards Billie Joe.
Big fan?! Big didn't even come into it. My whole world WAS Green Day. It must have been destiny then that I had been drawing and Billie Joe had asked to look at them. Otherwise he would have never brought Ashlee back to see me. I looked at Billie Joe, who was still beaming and smiling as he leaned in the doorway.
"So, you wanna hit the big town?" Ashlee asked, mischief in her eyes. "We got a lot of catching up to do!"
I looked at Billie Joe, not sure on what to do.
"Can I go please Billie Joe?" I asked, pleading with him.
"Yeah sure. Why are you asking me anyways?" He laughed, moving from out of the doorframe and standing up straight in front of me. "Go enjoy yourself. It'll do you good to get out of here for a while."
"What about you?" I asked, feeling slightly guilty about leaving him on his own.
Every other night he had the company of Tre and Mike, but tonight was different. It was the only night we could be together alone, and I was wasting it.
"I'll be fine." He whispered softly, giving me a reassuring smile. "Go on, get out of here."
He joked nudging me with his fist playfully. I smiled at him as he leaned forward to give me another peck on the cheek. I blushed slightly in embarrassment as Ashlee was watching us. I smiled one final time at him before heading down the hallway with one of my best friends by my side. We entered the stairways, Ashlee suddenly turning towards me.
"What was that about dude?" She asked, smiling with curiosity.
"What?" I asked her, wondering what she was going on about.
"What do you mean, what? The kiss dude! The kiss!?"
"Oh that." I sighed, as it wasn't such a big deal compared to what we had been through before. "I'll explain it all later. So, where are we going?"
"Wherever the music takes us."
* * * * * * * *
I sat in a club, at the bar, with Ashlee by my side. We both had had five rounds of shots between us, and my head was throbbing like mad.
"So Jimmy the bastard got to see Green Day." I told Ashlee, just after taking another shot, the fumes pumping around me suddenly.
She laughed, looking at me.
"So that's the dude who stage dived." She giggled.
"He stage dived?"
"Yeah, Billie Joe told him to, so he did. Then as he jumped Tre signalled for everyone to move aside and they did. It was so fucking funny! We just saw him fall flat on his fucking face! Then the crowd moved back, and well, we never saw him again after that."
I screamed inside with happiness and pride. Yes, Jimmy the fucking little twat had been crushed. I felt so much better now. For the last hour that we had sat in the bar, I had been telling Ashlee everything that had happened between me and Billie Joe and Green Day. From when I had first decided to go to America, right up to now where Billie Joe had asked me yesterday to go to the Grammies with him.
"Yes, well then after the whole thing in the parking lot, Billie Joe asked me to go to the Grammies with him."
"Wow the Grammies?!" She chocked spitting out her drink. "That's pretty kewl Stef."
"I know. I'm kind of nervous about it though." I admitted, moving the empty shot glass about in the ball of my hand.
"What the fuck? Stef, you should go. No, you ARE going to go. I'll make you." She demanded, smiling before ordering another round of shots. "You HAVE to go. It's the fucking Grammies for fuck's sake!"
"I know, that's just the problem. Everyone will be there to see me with Billie Joe."
"Then, what about Adrienne?" She asked, pushing the empty glasses to one side in a clutter.
"Oh, well, she doesn't know." I murmured.
She stared at me for a few seconds, before summarising up the facts for me in her drunkard state.
"So let me get this straight. You're going to the Grammies, with her husband, and she doesn't know that you're going to be there too?"
"Well, no, that's the thing. She's not going. That's why Billie Joe wants me to go."
"Oh shit Stef. All hell's going to break fucking loose when she finds out." She warned me, shuffling about in her seat.
"She won't find out."
"What?!"
"Billie Joe told me that she won't find out."
"Oh, and how do you think that's going to work? What's he going to do? Hide every newspaper and photo that was ever taken at the Grammies? Unplug the TV in his house so she can't watch it? Do you really think you'll get away with it?"
"I don't know, but I fucking hope so." I sighed, taking one of the shot glasses out of the round Ashlee had just ordered.
* * * * * * * *
It had been another 2 hours, and me and Ashlee were out of our minds. We couldn't even understand what each other were saying. We just nodded and pretended that we did. Neither of us was making sense, not even to ourselves. We were crashed out, and spread across the bar.
"I feel really hyper." I told her, giggling.
"Me too."
I glanced at the big screen that was screwed to the wall, and saw that the Holiday video was playing.
"Ashlee!" I cried, whacking her one, harder than I imagined.
"Aw, what?" She asked, rubbing her arm.
"The Holiday videos on!" I cried excitedly, jumping up and down and pointing to the screen.
She shot her head up to take a look, as a thrill of excitement came through me, that Green Day were on the screen. Not that I never saw them enough, but at the fact that it was being played in the bar we were in. I got off of my stool in a stumble and start copying Tre on the big screen, who was dressed in a dress and dancing about. I copied his every move in a drunkard state, Ashlee watching and laughing. She got up too, and started dancing like Billie Joe does in his version of Buddy Holly from Weezer, both of us drunk. We both laughed, as the barman watched us in suspicion. I suddenly looked up at the screen, to now see Billie Joe with the microphone in his hands, with the 4 dancing girls behind him. I stopped in my tracks as Ashlee carried on dancing.
"Look at those fucking bitches." I cried at the screen, pointing at the 4 girls dressed up.
"Who are?" Ashlee asked, turning to me not understanding.
"Theys are!" I screamed pointing to them.
I had never really liked those girls in the video, but had thought it was effective. Now I was just jealous, because they were near Billie Joe. I don't know why I felt like this, but I was drunk, and kind of emotional. My green side came out, my muscles tensed as I watched them dance behind Billie Joe, MY Billie Joe, pouting and showing off their flesh.
"They must die. NOW!" I screamed suddenly, not knowing what I was saying. "Die die die!"
"Excuse me mam', but please can you keep the noise down?" The barman asked me, leaning over the counter top and watching us still.
No I wasn't going to shut up. Why should I? Those bitches on the big screen were annoying me. It had never annoyed me this much before. Sure, when I saw first the video I was 'jealous' of them because they were dancing behind Billie Joe with hardly anything on, but now I just felt a pain of vengeance towards them. I hadn't even met them before! But this feeling was trapped inside of me. I had to let my rage out that I was feeling towards someone or something. And those 4 girls dancing in hot pants and laddered fish net tights seemed like the perfect victims. They're were near Billie Joe, and that's all that mattered to me. That was the perfect reason. Ashlee looked at me, giggling as I carried on ranting in front of the big screen.
"You fucking bitches! Get away from him otherwise I'll... I'll... " I stuttered. "I'll do something to you! And it wont be nice, ok?!"
"Stef, you've fucking cracked!" Ashlee laughed. "It's not like you've not seen them before."
"But they is around Billie Joe!" I grunted looking at her and pointing at the big screen.
"And they always have been." She reminded me, taking another shot from off of the counter top. "Wants another one?"
She indicated towards the several empty shot glasses that was spread our around her. I shock my head, as I looked back up at the big screen, scowling still.
"Why are they even in that video anyways? They must be punished, like, now!" I grunted again as I came back to sit next to Ashlee. "Dickheads, fuckfaces, cock smoking mother fucking arseholes, dirty twats, waste of semen and I hope they die!"
"Watch your language!" The barman yelled at me, frowning.
What was his problem? Why was he telling me to watch my language? Everyone was swearing if he listened hard enough. I glared at him, as I took to my seat. I wasn't in the mood to be told what to do. I was pissed off and my head was killing me.
"Everyone else is swearing you nimrod." I mumbled at him, rolling my eyes and taking a sip of my cocktail that was still in its glass on the counter top.
"What did you just say?!" He cried at me, suddenly turning around.
Ok, he wasn't meant to hear my rambling.
"I said... " I cried, before taking a quick breath as another shot of alcohol plundered round me. "I saids... that yous was a nimrod and... that's everyone else is a swearing."
I couldn't even speak now. I had all the symptoms of being drunk.
"Right, get out!" He ordered, pointing to the door and causing some of the other customers to turn round and watch.
Ashlee suddenly looked up at him from resting her pounding head on her arm.
"Are yous barring us?" She asked, frowning and looking confused.
"Yes I am!" He shouted back. "I think you've quite enough drink already. You already disturbed us tonight with your constant screaming at the screen. I'm surprised you've lasted this long in here. Go on. Get out! Before I call security."
I looked at him hard, reading to shout at him, but I stopped myself before I could get us into even more shit. I didn't fancy spending the night in jail. I was already in trouble with the cops. I grabbed hold of my cocktail and drank the remainders of it within one gulp. I wiped my mouth with my hand before slowly raising out of my seat.
"Come on Ashlee, we're not wanted here." I growled sarcastically.
The barman watched me carefully as I staggered out of the door and out on the boulevard, with Ashlee close behind me. I stumbled about, trying to gather my bearings together. I looked about the boulevard, the nightlife of it taking place. Ashlee dragged herself out of the bar, her eyes glazed.
"Fucking wanker." I grumbled, glancing back to the bar we had just been thrown out of.
"Where'd you wants to go now?" Ashlee asked, starting to head down the boulevard.
"I..I dunno." I grunted, pissed off.
"Oh!" She cried a little excited. "Let's go pick up some shexy boys Stef!"
I looked at her, feeling awkward. I didn't want to do that. The only person I was interested in was Billie Joe - the person who was so hard to reach.
"What's wrong?" She asked, walking towards me as I glumly looked down at the sidewalk. "It's Billie Joe isn't it?"
I looked away again, too drunk and shy to say anything.
"You really do like him don't ya?"
Again I didn't say anything at first. I looked up at her, swaying slightly because of my throbbing head.
"I... I just wanna go and make sure he's ok, that's all." I mumbled, feeling dark again.
I cared about him so much.
"Alright." She admitted sighing. "Let's get you back to the hotel."
I smiled as we both started to head off in the opposite direction, the hotel in view from where we were walking. I said my final goodbyes to her, giving her a tight hug. I felt tearful, and the situation just seemed strange. She would fly back home tomorrow, where everyone else was. The place and world I had left behind, and seeing her tonight had been like a reminder that the past was still there. I felt sad, not completely understanding what was happening to me in my life. I was going to miss her. She was the only one who actually believed what was happening to me, and I was thankful to her for that.
* * * * * * * *
I stumbled back up to my hotel room, winching because the sudden burst of light was hurting my eyes. I had been in the dark for the last couple of hours so the sudden streaks of light were making my head feel worse. Everything was a blur around me. I had never been this drunk before. I don't know why I had drunk so much. I felt so fucking awful. I managed to clamber up the staircases to the 8th floor where my hotel room was, with the help of hanging on tightly to the stair rail. I heaved myself up all of the floors, managing to do it without collapsing once. I felt so light headed and I suddenly received a dizzy spell that sent my mind flying. Oh my god, I was in such a fucking terrible state. NEVER again was I going to drink this much. I staggered towards my room, hoping that it WAS the right room I was heading drunkenly towards to. I fumbled about in my pocket, trying to find the key to my room. I groaned whilst trying to find it in my irritation and frustration, kicking the door with my foot. It hurt but the alcohol was taking over the pain so all I could feel was a slight dose of pins in needles. I finally yanked the key out of my pocket and shoved into my door, falling against it and flying through into my room. The door slammed loudly against the wall, echoing down the hallway. I looked into my room to see Billie Joe sitting slumped on the edge of my bed.
"Hey." He whispered gently, coming towards me at seeing me just fly through the door.
"Well hewo shexy!" I slurred, getting up and stumbling towards him, grinning without even knowing I was doing it.
"Erm, yeah hi." He answered, slightly embarrassed at my behaviour, but laughing as he shut the door behind me.
I stumbled towards him and buckled into his arms.
"Hey, erm, did you have a good time?" He asked, catching me in his arms and looking down on me with hesitation.
"Oh I had the most wonderfullest time Billie Joe!" I giggled in his hold of me, waving my arms everywhere, nearly hitting him by accident. "We went everywheres!"
I was so drunk. My words were everywhere. I couldn't even speak properly for god's sake.
"Well, that's good that you had good time then." He smiled, but still feeling awkward in the presence of my drunkard behaviour. "You're back a bit early though aren't you?"
"Oh! I came backs to sees you... shexy Billie Joes Armstrongs! I was worried abouts you." I tumbled over my words, taping him on his chest lightly.
"Worried about me?" He asked, frowning and looking into my glazed bloodshot eyes.
"Yesh worried Billie Joe. I felt guilty that I was out having good times and yous wasn't." I told him, slurring over my words again as I rolled my eyes.
"Ok." He grumbled, now looking worriedly down onto me - a crumpled drunkard heap in his arms. "I think you should go to bed now."
"Bed?!" I protested. "What?! It's too early to go to bed my shexy Billie Joe."
You could tell I was out of it. I would NEVER say any of this to his face if I were sober. This wasn't me talking, but only the alcohol that was pumping around my system.
"No, come on." He told me sternly, standing me up straight, as I seemed to hunch over in his arms. "You really do need to sleep."
"Billie Joe, I don't!" I yelled angrily, getting annoyed with him.
My head hurt so much that I was getting annoyed with everything around me. Even Billie Joe, and that's something I promised myself I wouldn't do.
"Stef, you're drunk for fuck's sake! You need to sleep." He urged me, grabbing my arm and leading me towards my bed. "Look, I'm glad that you had a great time, but I've never seen you like this before. Sleeping is the best thing for you. Trust me, you'll be grateful to me tomorrow for it."
I let myself be dragged by him towards my bed, looking at him in a mischievous manner.
"Come to bed with me with Billie Joe." I slurred to him, moving in towards him.
"What?" He asked, shocked and feeling really awkward as I moved against him.
"Come on. Come to bed with me Billie Joe." I pleaded.
I did not have a fucking clue what I was saying. I would never say this to him. I was so out of my mind that I couldn't have any control over what I was saying.
"No Stef." He told me, shaking my hands off from around his waist. "You are drunk and you're just saying this. Now, come on. Into bed."
He was being so patient with me. It was kind of surprising. My behaviour WAS awful.
"I won't gos unless you comes with me." I told him, smiling and wrapping myself around him and hugging him tight.
"Stef, I've already told you." He whined, taking my hands off of around him again and pushing me towards my bed. "No."
"You know you wants it to happen as much as I dos." I said, raising my eyebrows at him and smiling still.
He looked at me, his patience span shortening, deep in thought. He looked at me hard with those confused eyes of his. I was playing with his mind.
"Did you want a glass of water or something?" He asked, heading towards the mini-bar to get me a glass.
"Why yous trying to change the subject?" I asked, annoyed at him.
"I'm not trying to change the subject Stef." He groaned, trying to handle me. "I just asked if you wanted a glass of water or not."
"Well I don't!" I yelled, stamping my foot.
I was having a strop?! Oh my dear fucking god, someone smack me now. I actually couldn't believe myself. Billie Joe turned round, his face tired and tense.
"Fine. I won't get you one then. I was only trying to help." He sighed, scratching the back of his neck.
"You sound like my fucking mother." I blurted out, angry with him for no reason.
Holy shit, I had just compared to him to my mother. I would NEVER in a million years dream of doing that. Oh my god. Somebody knock me out know PLEASE before I do anymore damage to the guy I loved the most. Billie Joe looked at me hurt at my words, his face saddening and his eyes glazing over. He looked down at the floor before looking back up at me. What the fuck had I just done? I wanted to be shot, right here and right now.
"You'll regret it if you don't go to sleep Stef." He told me quietly.
I was so shocked that he had just spoken to me. If I were him I would have walked out ages ago. I was disgusted with my own behaviour.
"Fine! Ill go to fucking bed if it makes you fucking happy." I grunted, scrambling under the duvet and hiding away from him.
I clamped my eyes shut tightly with so many emotions and thoughts swirling around my clogged up alcoholic mind. I curled myself up into a ball as the duvet scrunched up around me. I started to feel myself drift away slowly, letting go of all my thoughts and every muscle in my body. My head still thumping more than Tre could on drums, the pain throbbing around me.
* * * * * * * *
I came to my senses in my dimmed room, the light just creeping through my window screaming through the curtain material. I closed my eyes again and screwed myself up even more, hiding deeper into the duvet. I couldn't believe what had happened last night. Those things I had said to Billie Joe. I was so ashamed of myself that I didn't want to emerge from my bed. It wasn't hard to remember. Even if was drunk I could still remember my awful behaviour and Billie Joe's attempts to calm me down. I had forced myself onto him without even thinking. That's something I would never think about doing. God, I felt so bad. I didn't want to show myself to him. I couldn't bear it. The thoughts were just too demanding and awful. I peeped over the edge of the duvet and around my room, constantly blinking to wake myself up. Surprisingly, I didn't have a hangover. I was never the one to suffer from them. I could drink as much as I wanted and still be fine in the morning. Billie Joe was right, that sleep had helped. Billie Joe was always right.
"Coffee?" Someone asked from the other side of my room.
I sat bolt up in bed, looking directly at Billie Joe sitting ahead of me by the mini-bar and coffee maker, sipping on his own mug of coffee. What the fuck? How come he was still here? I couldn't look him in the eye.
"Um... yeah." I whimpered, feeling guilty and looking at the pattern on my duvet.
He placed his mug on the side and started to pour some coffee out of the maker and into another cup for me.
"How... how come... you're still... here?" I mumbled, still looking away from him and feeling awkward.
"I had to stay and see if you were alright." He simply said, finishing in pouring the coffee.
I looked away and out of the window, feeling awkward with my behaviour last night. "I had to make sure that you were ok this morning." He continued, stirring the substance around in my mug. "You were... terrible last night. I've never seen you so drunk before. You kind of scared me."
Now this was just too much. He was making me feel REALLY guilty now. I couldn't stand the amount of pressure that was sitting on top of me. He walked over to the side of the bed and passed my mug of coffee that was clasped inside his hands. I slowly reached my hands up to him and took the mug, planting it on the bed wrapped in my hands. I stared down at the swirling coffee as he sat on the edge of the bed next to me, looking at me with those comforting eyes of his. He looked at me hard before putting his hand on my leg that was being covered with the duvet in my upright sitting position.
"Where did you sleep?" I asked guiltily, avoiding all eye contact with him.
"I didn't. I sat and watched you sleeping." He answered. "But what shut eye I did get I spent in the bath."
I looked up at him quickly before bringing my head back down to a low level.
"Hey, don't worry about last night. I knew deep down that you were drunk." Billie Joe told me softly, smiling kindly at me.
I didn't answer him. I couldn't speak, I felt so upset and disgusted with myself. I couldn't even look him in the eye or speak to him.
"Stef," he called me, making me look up at him. "It's ok. Seriously. It's not like I've not been drunk before is it?"
I smiled weakly at him, thinking about how cute he was when he was drunk. But that was the difference. He was cute and I was just too pushy and loud. There was a big difference there. I remembered back to the night when we all got so drunk, and I had returned to my room with Tre to find him and Mike in my room in the dark, Mike having a shit off of my balcony.
"See," he said smiling. "You're smiling now. Look, we don't have to remember last night ok? Let's just forget about it. It was a drunkard mistake and I know that because I know you too well Stef. I could tell that wasn't you."
I sighed as he looked deeply into my eyes, showing kindness. Why was he being so nice to me? I couldn't quite grasp it.
"Let's just forget about the whole thing ok?" He told me, raising his eyebrows in suggestion.
I nodded my head slowly, looking back down and hanging my head in shame once again.
"Can I have a hug?" He asked sweetly, looking up at from those gorgeous green eyes of his.
My face let go and I whimpered in my confused state of mind, leaning forward and hugging him tight. He returned the favour and held me close to him. I felt him sigh against me, clenching onto my hoody that I was still wearing from last night. I hadn't changed. I had just scrambled into bed in my bad mood. Everything was still a blur from last night.
"It's ok." He whispered to me, his voice muffled from behind me. "Let's just forget about it."
I closed my eyes as one single tear rolled down my face. I was so ashamed of myself, how could I have compared Billie Joe to my mum? It was just an awful thought, and I couldn't believe that I had put it into words. I hated myself for it. I felt as if I could never forgive myself. Not in a million years for what I had said to him, even if I did have the excuse of being totally drunk.
"You better get ready." Billie Joe told me, pulling away from the hug and looking into my tearful eyes. "Mike and Tre will be here in an hour."
"Why?" I asked suddenly. "Where are we going?"
I didn't know anything about going out. Well, if I did I had forgotten. The only thing that I could remember was the Grammies, but that was in another 2 days.
"I'm taking you shopping." He told me again, smiling.
"Why are you taking me shopping?" I asked curiously, looking at him.
"Well, you need a dress for the Grammies don't you?"
I just looked at him. Oh god, I had to wear a dress. If you hadn't already guessed, I wasn't that 'keen' on wearing dresses to say the least. How did he know that I didn't have a dress in the first place? I looked at him in suspicion.
"What if I already have a dress?" I asked him, trying to catch him out.
"Which you don't." He replying, grinning.
"How do you know that?"
He laughed lightly to himself, smiling sweetly at me before answering my question.
"Come on Stef. I know you too well. You're not the sort of person who has a dress hidden somewhere are you? Unless you want to surprise me now."
I just looked at him again. He was going to be disappointed and proved right - because I didn't have a dress to whip out and surprise him with. In my embarrassment of trying to catch him out, I looked down into my mug of coffee that I still hadn't touched.
"See." He smiled again. "I may be dumb but I'm not stupid."
He was not dumb. I was the dumb one. You call being in an international punk band that has sold multi-millions dumb? I don't think so. He looked down to what my own eyes were staring at, which turned out to be the coffee still.
"You going to drink that coffee or just stare at it all morning?" He joked peering into the mug to see that I hadn't drunk any.
Immediately I put the cup to my lips and took a sip of the luke warm liquid. I didn't like drinking 'warm' drinks, but I did anyways because Billie Joe had made it and I didn't want to upset him even more. Plus I was thirsty and knew that coffee would give me some lease of energy. I also knew that later on I would feel the aftermath of drinking it by feeling clogged up inside. I couldn't believe that Billie Joe was going to take me shopping, to buy a dress. Dresses weren't cheap. I knew that much about them. The thing about it that I couldn't believe though was the fact that he was still going to take me, after I said all of those things to him last night and behaved the way I did. I couldn't believe him, and I didn't deserve him or anything that he gave to me. Anything he gave to me was too good for me to touch because all I ever did was cause problems.
"Hey." Billie Joe smiled, looking slightly rough from the lack of energy that had been used for the gig.
"Hey." I yawned, quickly covering my mouth.
"I brought someone to see you." He smiled, a glint of cheekiness shining through in those tired eyes of his.
I looked at him in suspension, as he stepped out of the way to the side to reveal a familiar figure to me. I felt my eyes open wide, my jaw hanging open slightly in shock. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
"Ashlee... ?" I asked, kind of surprised to say the least at seeing my first Green Day friend standing in the doorway next to Billie Joe.
"Hey Stefo!" She laughed, smiling.
"Oh my god!"
That's all I could say. Oh my god. I was just shocked. How did Billie Joe find her?
"How did you... ?" I asked, trailing off of my words in my surprise.
"Find her?" Billie Joe asked, finishing off my sentence for me. "I'm full of surprises."
Yeah, you ARE Billie Joe Armstrong, and it never ceases to amaze me. I looked at Billie Joe waiting for an answer, and then at Ashlee. I was so fucking surprised to see her, standing in front of me, thousands of miles away from home too. I was just in complete shock and excitement at the same time. I didn't know what to do. How the fuck did Billie Joe know I was friends with her?
"Just happens so that Ashlee mentioned your favourite Green Day website." He told me, smiling with pride at making me happy. "She also mentioned your username, Stef. Or should I say, billie_joe_fit."
He smiled as he called me by my username, making me beam with excitement and happiness. This was too good to be true.
"It was just luck that I got to meet them again." Ashlee smiled, looking at me.
"Lucky cow." I joked, laughing.
I remember when Ashlee had met Green Day when she saw them in Manchester. I was so jealous! I remember being shocked when I found out that she had met Billie Joe. I had been happy for her though, because someone I knew had met them. I had met Ashlee on geekstinkbreath.net, my favourite Green Day website. Like I had said to Billie Joe earlier, this website had been my second home and my sanctuary whilst I had been living at home. Most of my closest friends were from the website. It was an awesome place though.
"I mentioned you to them and told you that you were a big fan. I gave them your username so they could email you if they wanted. That's when Billie Joe asked me if I knew you." Ashlee told me, nudging towards Billie Joe.
Big fan?! Big didn't even come into it. My whole world WAS Green Day. It must have been destiny then that I had been drawing and Billie Joe had asked to look at them. Otherwise he would have never brought Ashlee back to see me. I looked at Billie Joe, who was still beaming and smiling as he leaned in the doorway.
"So, you wanna hit the big town?" Ashlee asked, mischief in her eyes. "We got a lot of catching up to do!"
I looked at Billie Joe, not sure on what to do.
"Can I go please Billie Joe?" I asked, pleading with him.
"Yeah sure. Why are you asking me anyways?" He laughed, moving from out of the doorframe and standing up straight in front of me. "Go enjoy yourself. It'll do you good to get out of here for a while."
"What about you?" I asked, feeling slightly guilty about leaving him on his own.
Every other night he had the company of Tre and Mike, but tonight was different. It was the only night we could be together alone, and I was wasting it.
"I'll be fine." He whispered softly, giving me a reassuring smile. "Go on, get out of here."
He joked nudging me with his fist playfully. I smiled at him as he leaned forward to give me another peck on the cheek. I blushed slightly in embarrassment as Ashlee was watching us. I smiled one final time at him before heading down the hallway with one of my best friends by my side. We entered the stairways, Ashlee suddenly turning towards me.
"What was that about dude?" She asked, smiling with curiosity.
"What?" I asked her, wondering what she was going on about.
"What do you mean, what? The kiss dude! The kiss!?"
"Oh that." I sighed, as it wasn't such a big deal compared to what we had been through before. "I'll explain it all later. So, where are we going?"
"Wherever the music takes us."
* * * * * * * *
I sat in a club, at the bar, with Ashlee by my side. We both had had five rounds of shots between us, and my head was throbbing like mad.
"So Jimmy the bastard got to see Green Day." I told Ashlee, just after taking another shot, the fumes pumping around me suddenly.
She laughed, looking at me.
"So that's the dude who stage dived." She giggled.
"He stage dived?"
"Yeah, Billie Joe told him to, so he did. Then as he jumped Tre signalled for everyone to move aside and they did. It was so fucking funny! We just saw him fall flat on his fucking face! Then the crowd moved back, and well, we never saw him again after that."
I screamed inside with happiness and pride. Yes, Jimmy the fucking little twat had been crushed. I felt so much better now. For the last hour that we had sat in the bar, I had been telling Ashlee everything that had happened between me and Billie Joe and Green Day. From when I had first decided to go to America, right up to now where Billie Joe had asked me yesterday to go to the Grammies with him.
"Yes, well then after the whole thing in the parking lot, Billie Joe asked me to go to the Grammies with him."
"Wow the Grammies?!" She chocked spitting out her drink. "That's pretty kewl Stef."
"I know. I'm kind of nervous about it though." I admitted, moving the empty shot glass about in the ball of my hand.
"What the fuck? Stef, you should go. No, you ARE going to go. I'll make you." She demanded, smiling before ordering another round of shots. "You HAVE to go. It's the fucking Grammies for fuck's sake!"
"I know, that's just the problem. Everyone will be there to see me with Billie Joe."
"Then, what about Adrienne?" She asked, pushing the empty glasses to one side in a clutter.
"Oh, well, she doesn't know." I murmured.
She stared at me for a few seconds, before summarising up the facts for me in her drunkard state.
"So let me get this straight. You're going to the Grammies, with her husband, and she doesn't know that you're going to be there too?"
"Well, no, that's the thing. She's not going. That's why Billie Joe wants me to go."
"Oh shit Stef. All hell's going to break fucking loose when she finds out." She warned me, shuffling about in her seat.
"She won't find out."
"What?!"
"Billie Joe told me that she won't find out."
"Oh, and how do you think that's going to work? What's he going to do? Hide every newspaper and photo that was ever taken at the Grammies? Unplug the TV in his house so she can't watch it? Do you really think you'll get away with it?"
"I don't know, but I fucking hope so." I sighed, taking one of the shot glasses out of the round Ashlee had just ordered.
* * * * * * * *
It had been another 2 hours, and me and Ashlee were out of our minds. We couldn't even understand what each other were saying. We just nodded and pretended that we did. Neither of us was making sense, not even to ourselves. We were crashed out, and spread across the bar.
"I feel really hyper." I told her, giggling.
"Me too."
I glanced at the big screen that was screwed to the wall, and saw that the Holiday video was playing.
"Ashlee!" I cried, whacking her one, harder than I imagined.
"Aw, what?" She asked, rubbing her arm.
"The Holiday videos on!" I cried excitedly, jumping up and down and pointing to the screen.
She shot her head up to take a look, as a thrill of excitement came through me, that Green Day were on the screen. Not that I never saw them enough, but at the fact that it was being played in the bar we were in. I got off of my stool in a stumble and start copying Tre on the big screen, who was dressed in a dress and dancing about. I copied his every move in a drunkard state, Ashlee watching and laughing. She got up too, and started dancing like Billie Joe does in his version of Buddy Holly from Weezer, both of us drunk. We both laughed, as the barman watched us in suspicion. I suddenly looked up at the screen, to now see Billie Joe with the microphone in his hands, with the 4 dancing girls behind him. I stopped in my tracks as Ashlee carried on dancing.
"Look at those fucking bitches." I cried at the screen, pointing at the 4 girls dressed up.
"Who are?" Ashlee asked, turning to me not understanding.
"Theys are!" I screamed pointing to them.
I had never really liked those girls in the video, but had thought it was effective. Now I was just jealous, because they were near Billie Joe. I don't know why I felt like this, but I was drunk, and kind of emotional. My green side came out, my muscles tensed as I watched them dance behind Billie Joe, MY Billie Joe, pouting and showing off their flesh.
"They must die. NOW!" I screamed suddenly, not knowing what I was saying. "Die die die!"
"Excuse me mam', but please can you keep the noise down?" The barman asked me, leaning over the counter top and watching us still.
No I wasn't going to shut up. Why should I? Those bitches on the big screen were annoying me. It had never annoyed me this much before. Sure, when I saw first the video I was 'jealous' of them because they were dancing behind Billie Joe with hardly anything on, but now I just felt a pain of vengeance towards them. I hadn't even met them before! But this feeling was trapped inside of me. I had to let my rage out that I was feeling towards someone or something. And those 4 girls dancing in hot pants and laddered fish net tights seemed like the perfect victims. They're were near Billie Joe, and that's all that mattered to me. That was the perfect reason. Ashlee looked at me, giggling as I carried on ranting in front of the big screen.
"You fucking bitches! Get away from him otherwise I'll... I'll... " I stuttered. "I'll do something to you! And it wont be nice, ok?!"
"Stef, you've fucking cracked!" Ashlee laughed. "It's not like you've not seen them before."
"But they is around Billie Joe!" I grunted looking at her and pointing at the big screen.
"And they always have been." She reminded me, taking another shot from off of the counter top. "Wants another one?"
She indicated towards the several empty shot glasses that was spread our around her. I shock my head, as I looked back up at the big screen, scowling still.
"Why are they even in that video anyways? They must be punished, like, now!" I grunted again as I came back to sit next to Ashlee. "Dickheads, fuckfaces, cock smoking mother fucking arseholes, dirty twats, waste of semen and I hope they die!"
"Watch your language!" The barman yelled at me, frowning.
What was his problem? Why was he telling me to watch my language? Everyone was swearing if he listened hard enough. I glared at him, as I took to my seat. I wasn't in the mood to be told what to do. I was pissed off and my head was killing me.
"Everyone else is swearing you nimrod." I mumbled at him, rolling my eyes and taking a sip of my cocktail that was still in its glass on the counter top.
"What did you just say?!" He cried at me, suddenly turning around.
Ok, he wasn't meant to hear my rambling.
"I said... " I cried, before taking a quick breath as another shot of alcohol plundered round me. "I saids... that yous was a nimrod and... that's everyone else is a swearing."
I couldn't even speak now. I had all the symptoms of being drunk.
"Right, get out!" He ordered, pointing to the door and causing some of the other customers to turn round and watch.
Ashlee suddenly looked up at him from resting her pounding head on her arm.
"Are yous barring us?" She asked, frowning and looking confused.
"Yes I am!" He shouted back. "I think you've quite enough drink already. You already disturbed us tonight with your constant screaming at the screen. I'm surprised you've lasted this long in here. Go on. Get out! Before I call security."
I looked at him hard, reading to shout at him, but I stopped myself before I could get us into even more shit. I didn't fancy spending the night in jail. I was already in trouble with the cops. I grabbed hold of my cocktail and drank the remainders of it within one gulp. I wiped my mouth with my hand before slowly raising out of my seat.
"Come on Ashlee, we're not wanted here." I growled sarcastically.
The barman watched me carefully as I staggered out of the door and out on the boulevard, with Ashlee close behind me. I stumbled about, trying to gather my bearings together. I looked about the boulevard, the nightlife of it taking place. Ashlee dragged herself out of the bar, her eyes glazed.
"Fucking wanker." I grumbled, glancing back to the bar we had just been thrown out of.
"Where'd you wants to go now?" Ashlee asked, starting to head down the boulevard.
"I..I dunno." I grunted, pissed off.
"Oh!" She cried a little excited. "Let's go pick up some shexy boys Stef!"
I looked at her, feeling awkward. I didn't want to do that. The only person I was interested in was Billie Joe - the person who was so hard to reach.
"What's wrong?" She asked, walking towards me as I glumly looked down at the sidewalk. "It's Billie Joe isn't it?"
I looked away again, too drunk and shy to say anything.
"You really do like him don't ya?"
Again I didn't say anything at first. I looked up at her, swaying slightly because of my throbbing head.
"I... I just wanna go and make sure he's ok, that's all." I mumbled, feeling dark again.
I cared about him so much.
"Alright." She admitted sighing. "Let's get you back to the hotel."
I smiled as we both started to head off in the opposite direction, the hotel in view from where we were walking. I said my final goodbyes to her, giving her a tight hug. I felt tearful, and the situation just seemed strange. She would fly back home tomorrow, where everyone else was. The place and world I had left behind, and seeing her tonight had been like a reminder that the past was still there. I felt sad, not completely understanding what was happening to me in my life. I was going to miss her. She was the only one who actually believed what was happening to me, and I was thankful to her for that.
* * * * * * * *
I stumbled back up to my hotel room, winching because the sudden burst of light was hurting my eyes. I had been in the dark for the last couple of hours so the sudden streaks of light were making my head feel worse. Everything was a blur around me. I had never been this drunk before. I don't know why I had drunk so much. I felt so fucking awful. I managed to clamber up the staircases to the 8th floor where my hotel room was, with the help of hanging on tightly to the stair rail. I heaved myself up all of the floors, managing to do it without collapsing once. I felt so light headed and I suddenly received a dizzy spell that sent my mind flying. Oh my god, I was in such a fucking terrible state. NEVER again was I going to drink this much. I staggered towards my room, hoping that it WAS the right room I was heading drunkenly towards to. I fumbled about in my pocket, trying to find the key to my room. I groaned whilst trying to find it in my irritation and frustration, kicking the door with my foot. It hurt but the alcohol was taking over the pain so all I could feel was a slight dose of pins in needles. I finally yanked the key out of my pocket and shoved into my door, falling against it and flying through into my room. The door slammed loudly against the wall, echoing down the hallway. I looked into my room to see Billie Joe sitting slumped on the edge of my bed.
"Hey." He whispered gently, coming towards me at seeing me just fly through the door.
"Well hewo shexy!" I slurred, getting up and stumbling towards him, grinning without even knowing I was doing it.
"Erm, yeah hi." He answered, slightly embarrassed at my behaviour, but laughing as he shut the door behind me.
I stumbled towards him and buckled into his arms.
"Hey, erm, did you have a good time?" He asked, catching me in his arms and looking down on me with hesitation.
"Oh I had the most wonderfullest time Billie Joe!" I giggled in his hold of me, waving my arms everywhere, nearly hitting him by accident. "We went everywheres!"
I was so drunk. My words were everywhere. I couldn't even speak properly for god's sake.
"Well, that's good that you had good time then." He smiled, but still feeling awkward in the presence of my drunkard behaviour. "You're back a bit early though aren't you?"
"Oh! I came backs to sees you... shexy Billie Joes Armstrongs! I was worried abouts you." I tumbled over my words, taping him on his chest lightly.
"Worried about me?" He asked, frowning and looking into my glazed bloodshot eyes.
"Yesh worried Billie Joe. I felt guilty that I was out having good times and yous wasn't." I told him, slurring over my words again as I rolled my eyes.
"Ok." He grumbled, now looking worriedly down onto me - a crumpled drunkard heap in his arms. "I think you should go to bed now."
"Bed?!" I protested. "What?! It's too early to go to bed my shexy Billie Joe."
You could tell I was out of it. I would NEVER say any of this to his face if I were sober. This wasn't me talking, but only the alcohol that was pumping around my system.
"No, come on." He told me sternly, standing me up straight, as I seemed to hunch over in his arms. "You really do need to sleep."
"Billie Joe, I don't!" I yelled angrily, getting annoyed with him.
My head hurt so much that I was getting annoyed with everything around me. Even Billie Joe, and that's something I promised myself I wouldn't do.
"Stef, you're drunk for fuck's sake! You need to sleep." He urged me, grabbing my arm and leading me towards my bed. "Look, I'm glad that you had a great time, but I've never seen you like this before. Sleeping is the best thing for you. Trust me, you'll be grateful to me tomorrow for it."
I let myself be dragged by him towards my bed, looking at him in a mischievous manner.
"Come to bed with me with Billie Joe." I slurred to him, moving in towards him.
"What?" He asked, shocked and feeling really awkward as I moved against him.
"Come on. Come to bed with me Billie Joe." I pleaded.
I did not have a fucking clue what I was saying. I would never say this to him. I was so out of my mind that I couldn't have any control over what I was saying.
"No Stef." He told me, shaking my hands off from around his waist. "You are drunk and you're just saying this. Now, come on. Into bed."
He was being so patient with me. It was kind of surprising. My behaviour WAS awful.
"I won't gos unless you comes with me." I told him, smiling and wrapping myself around him and hugging him tight.
"Stef, I've already told you." He whined, taking my hands off of around him again and pushing me towards my bed. "No."
"You know you wants it to happen as much as I dos." I said, raising my eyebrows at him and smiling still.
He looked at me, his patience span shortening, deep in thought. He looked at me hard with those confused eyes of his. I was playing with his mind.
"Did you want a glass of water or something?" He asked, heading towards the mini-bar to get me a glass.
"Why yous trying to change the subject?" I asked, annoyed at him.
"I'm not trying to change the subject Stef." He groaned, trying to handle me. "I just asked if you wanted a glass of water or not."
"Well I don't!" I yelled, stamping my foot.
I was having a strop?! Oh my dear fucking god, someone smack me now. I actually couldn't believe myself. Billie Joe turned round, his face tired and tense.
"Fine. I won't get you one then. I was only trying to help." He sighed, scratching the back of his neck.
"You sound like my fucking mother." I blurted out, angry with him for no reason.
Holy shit, I had just compared to him to my mother. I would NEVER in a million years dream of doing that. Oh my god. Somebody knock me out know PLEASE before I do anymore damage to the guy I loved the most. Billie Joe looked at me hurt at my words, his face saddening and his eyes glazing over. He looked down at the floor before looking back up at me. What the fuck had I just done? I wanted to be shot, right here and right now.
"You'll regret it if you don't go to sleep Stef." He told me quietly.
I was so shocked that he had just spoken to me. If I were him I would have walked out ages ago. I was disgusted with my own behaviour.
"Fine! Ill go to fucking bed if it makes you fucking happy." I grunted, scrambling under the duvet and hiding away from him.
I clamped my eyes shut tightly with so many emotions and thoughts swirling around my clogged up alcoholic mind. I curled myself up into a ball as the duvet scrunched up around me. I started to feel myself drift away slowly, letting go of all my thoughts and every muscle in my body. My head still thumping more than Tre could on drums, the pain throbbing around me.
* * * * * * * *
I came to my senses in my dimmed room, the light just creeping through my window screaming through the curtain material. I closed my eyes again and screwed myself up even more, hiding deeper into the duvet. I couldn't believe what had happened last night. Those things I had said to Billie Joe. I was so ashamed of myself that I didn't want to emerge from my bed. It wasn't hard to remember. Even if was drunk I could still remember my awful behaviour and Billie Joe's attempts to calm me down. I had forced myself onto him without even thinking. That's something I would never think about doing. God, I felt so bad. I didn't want to show myself to him. I couldn't bear it. The thoughts were just too demanding and awful. I peeped over the edge of the duvet and around my room, constantly blinking to wake myself up. Surprisingly, I didn't have a hangover. I was never the one to suffer from them. I could drink as much as I wanted and still be fine in the morning. Billie Joe was right, that sleep had helped. Billie Joe was always right.
"Coffee?" Someone asked from the other side of my room.
I sat bolt up in bed, looking directly at Billie Joe sitting ahead of me by the mini-bar and coffee maker, sipping on his own mug of coffee. What the fuck? How come he was still here? I couldn't look him in the eye.
"Um... yeah." I whimpered, feeling guilty and looking at the pattern on my duvet.
He placed his mug on the side and started to pour some coffee out of the maker and into another cup for me.
"How... how come... you're still... here?" I mumbled, still looking away from him and feeling awkward.
"I had to stay and see if you were alright." He simply said, finishing in pouring the coffee.
I looked away and out of the window, feeling awkward with my behaviour last night. "I had to make sure that you were ok this morning." He continued, stirring the substance around in my mug. "You were... terrible last night. I've never seen you so drunk before. You kind of scared me."
Now this was just too much. He was making me feel REALLY guilty now. I couldn't stand the amount of pressure that was sitting on top of me. He walked over to the side of the bed and passed my mug of coffee that was clasped inside his hands. I slowly reached my hands up to him and took the mug, planting it on the bed wrapped in my hands. I stared down at the swirling coffee as he sat on the edge of the bed next to me, looking at me with those comforting eyes of his. He looked at me hard before putting his hand on my leg that was being covered with the duvet in my upright sitting position.
"Where did you sleep?" I asked guiltily, avoiding all eye contact with him.
"I didn't. I sat and watched you sleeping." He answered. "But what shut eye I did get I spent in the bath."
I looked up at him quickly before bringing my head back down to a low level.
"Hey, don't worry about last night. I knew deep down that you were drunk." Billie Joe told me softly, smiling kindly at me.
I didn't answer him. I couldn't speak, I felt so upset and disgusted with myself. I couldn't even look him in the eye or speak to him.
"Stef," he called me, making me look up at him. "It's ok. Seriously. It's not like I've not been drunk before is it?"
I smiled weakly at him, thinking about how cute he was when he was drunk. But that was the difference. He was cute and I was just too pushy and loud. There was a big difference there. I remembered back to the night when we all got so drunk, and I had returned to my room with Tre to find him and Mike in my room in the dark, Mike having a shit off of my balcony.
"See," he said smiling. "You're smiling now. Look, we don't have to remember last night ok? Let's just forget about it. It was a drunkard mistake and I know that because I know you too well Stef. I could tell that wasn't you."
I sighed as he looked deeply into my eyes, showing kindness. Why was he being so nice to me? I couldn't quite grasp it.
"Let's just forget about the whole thing ok?" He told me, raising his eyebrows in suggestion.
I nodded my head slowly, looking back down and hanging my head in shame once again.
"Can I have a hug?" He asked sweetly, looking up at from those gorgeous green eyes of his.
My face let go and I whimpered in my confused state of mind, leaning forward and hugging him tight. He returned the favour and held me close to him. I felt him sigh against me, clenching onto my hoody that I was still wearing from last night. I hadn't changed. I had just scrambled into bed in my bad mood. Everything was still a blur from last night.
"It's ok." He whispered to me, his voice muffled from behind me. "Let's just forget about it."
I closed my eyes as one single tear rolled down my face. I was so ashamed of myself, how could I have compared Billie Joe to my mum? It was just an awful thought, and I couldn't believe that I had put it into words. I hated myself for it. I felt as if I could never forgive myself. Not in a million years for what I had said to him, even if I did have the excuse of being totally drunk.
"You better get ready." Billie Joe told me, pulling away from the hug and looking into my tearful eyes. "Mike and Tre will be here in an hour."
"Why?" I asked suddenly. "Where are we going?"
I didn't know anything about going out. Well, if I did I had forgotten. The only thing that I could remember was the Grammies, but that was in another 2 days.
"I'm taking you shopping." He told me again, smiling.
"Why are you taking me shopping?" I asked curiously, looking at him.
"Well, you need a dress for the Grammies don't you?"
I just looked at him. Oh god, I had to wear a dress. If you hadn't already guessed, I wasn't that 'keen' on wearing dresses to say the least. How did he know that I didn't have a dress in the first place? I looked at him in suspicion.
"What if I already have a dress?" I asked him, trying to catch him out.
"Which you don't." He replying, grinning.
"How do you know that?"
He laughed lightly to himself, smiling sweetly at me before answering my question.
"Come on Stef. I know you too well. You're not the sort of person who has a dress hidden somewhere are you? Unless you want to surprise me now."
I just looked at him again. He was going to be disappointed and proved right - because I didn't have a dress to whip out and surprise him with. In my embarrassment of trying to catch him out, I looked down into my mug of coffee that I still hadn't touched.
"See." He smiled again. "I may be dumb but I'm not stupid."
He was not dumb. I was the dumb one. You call being in an international punk band that has sold multi-millions dumb? I don't think so. He looked down to what my own eyes were staring at, which turned out to be the coffee still.
"You going to drink that coffee or just stare at it all morning?" He joked peering into the mug to see that I hadn't drunk any.
Immediately I put the cup to my lips and took a sip of the luke warm liquid. I didn't like drinking 'warm' drinks, but I did anyways because Billie Joe had made it and I didn't want to upset him even more. Plus I was thirsty and knew that coffee would give me some lease of energy. I also knew that later on I would feel the aftermath of drinking it by feeling clogged up inside. I couldn't believe that Billie Joe was going to take me shopping, to buy a dress. Dresses weren't cheap. I knew that much about them. The thing about it that I couldn't believe though was the fact that he was still going to take me, after I said all of those things to him last night and behaved the way I did. I couldn't believe him, and I didn't deserve him or anything that he gave to me. Anything he gave to me was too good for me to touch because all I ever did was cause problems.
