A Note Don't Come Easy, chapter 37
I opened up the door to my hotel room quietly, and we both walked in. I shut it behind us and closed my eyes, sighing deeply and shivering a little from the cold. We both stood soaking wet, drenched to the bone. Billie's matted wet hair hanging over his bright green eyes. He took off his wet blazer and hung it on the hook by the door as he passed it. We didn't even bother to turn the light on.
"You ok?" He asked, looking at me lean against the back of the door.
I shrugged my shoulders, hanging my head. He looked at me hard for a while, before walking over and placing his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it a little.
"It's ok now. I've told you. Nothing's going to harm you anymore."
I looked into his eyes and they glinted in the moonlight that was shining from outside, seeping through the window. I bit my tongue as I swallowed hard, my whole mind screaming inside.
"We need to clean your cuts." I simply said, moving away from him and changing the subject.
He smiled to himself, turning around to watch me walk into the bathroom, turning on the light.
I soon appeared with a wet cloth, ringing it out and moving my thumb to support his jaw-line. I turned his face to the side a little, applying the cloth to one of his deep cuts across the side of his nose.
Neither of us said anything as he looked at me, watching as I concentrated on his cuts and bruises.
"These are deep." I told him. "You really should go to the hospital."
"I don't want to."
"Why?"
"Because I wanna stay with you."
I stopped in my tracks, the cloth still placed over a cut on his face. I sighed, before continuing to dab his wounds. He smiled knowingly to himself, thinking. It made me a little a nervous.
"Jesus," I muttered to myself, looking carefully at one of his cuts. "How the hell did you do this?"
"Do what?"
"Get a fucking cut this deep in your nose?"
"That must have been in the explosion."
I looked up at him stunned, an image of him being blasted playing over in my mind. I wasn't expecting a response like that. It was horrible. I couldn't stand it any longer. He was coping so well, and yet I couldn't stand the thought of him being trapped inside the torment.
My bottom lip trembled, and my eyes filled with tears once again. I can't remember how many times I cried today.
"I'm sorry... " I sobbed, putting down the cloth and covering my face with my hands to cry.
But it was no use in covering it because he knew what I was doing anyway.
"Aw Stef... "
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close as I cried into him.
"It's ok. It's all ok now. You're safe, I'm safe. We're together. Everything's going to be ok now. I'm here."
"I thought you were dead." I sobbed. "I thought I was never going to see you again."
"Me too. Me too. When I saw you cut yourself, I thought my life had ended."
A pane of guilt overcome me.
"And today, trapped in there - I couldn't leave it how we had; hanging. It was just too much. If more than anything, it was you that drove me to save myself. If I hadn't thought about you then I guess I would have stayed and waited for help. But I had to find you and make sure that YOU were ok. For all I knew you and Mike could have been trapped too when he had picked you up from the hospital. It was you who saved me."
I knew that a part of him was lying, because he wouldn't have just stayed and waited for help. I knew him too well. I wasn't the only thing that drove him to save himself. Didn't Green Day, Adrienne, Joey, Jakob, playing the guitar, singing, writing songs, Mike or Tre mean anything to him?
I felt a bit awkward in the way that it sounded like I had replaced Adrienne. Because I didn't want that. I just felt so guilty when Adrienne came to mind. After all, she WAS his wife and I was just his bit on the side. But it felt special and I loved it. I loved HIM.
"I just can't stop thinking about you, in there... it must have been horrible... " I broke into a fit of cries.
"It was. But I'm here now."
He ran his fingers through my hair as I sighed, kissing me on the forehead gently.
"You'll see, everything's going to get better. Things are going to change between us, starting from tonight."
I looked up at him and remembered his words, and there seemed to be a new glimmer of hope behind them. After all that had happened, right now it DID seem possible for things to turn out better. Maybe this was our turning point.
"Now you wipe your eyes ok? I just need to do something first. Clean myself up. I can't walk round with a half blooded face all night."
He patted me on the shoulder and walked into the bathroom, leaving me to wipe my eyes on my sleeve. It was just as good as a tissue. I dragged my feet across the room, standing at the edge of the bed and kicking off my wet shoes, as well as taking off my socks. Stuffing the soggy pieces of material into the insides of my shoes, I took off my drenched hoody and placed it on the back of the chair in the corner of the room that had never been sat on near the radiator. I stretched my feet, slowly pacing around in a circle at the end of the bed, waiting for him. With my hand to my forehead, and my eyes stinging, I wondered if he really did mean what he had said about saving himself so he could see me again. It tugged on my heartstrings so much that sometimes it hurt.
I looked at my wrists, seeing my bandages and cuts showing through. Most of the cuts were visible since I had been thrown on the floor so many times that the protection had fallen off - which wasn't good. But I couldn't do anything about that now. The only thing I could do was make sure that they didn't catch or open up again. And even after then, the scars would still be as clear as anything.
I'm such a dipshit. How could I have been so selfish? Trying to take my own life when Billie Joe's was almost snatched away from him today. All those innocent people and I actually wanted to die. What the fuck was I thinking? Now because of me he almost died. Because of me. Because I was too busy thinking about myself and not others. As always.
How could I? I had made the biggest mistake of my life by putting that blade to my wrist. And knowing that I had wanted it to hurt him made me feel twice as guilty. Infact that hurt more than the thought of me trying to kill myself.
And Billie Joe. What about Billie Joe? He's being so brave. My hearts bleeding for him. If only he knew that. If only he knew how sorry I was everything. How sorry I am for all the pain, hurt and anger I've caused.
It was no use, the tears once again making a return. I was always crying these days, I couldn't help it. I sobbed a little, not knowing what else to do right now. I heard the door open to the bathroom, making me catch my breath back as I spun on the spot to face Billie Joe. The light had been turned out from the bathroom, so the room was dark once again. He saw my tears and he felt my pain. He opened up his arms and smiled sweetly to me.
"Come here... "
I more than likely ran into his hug, holding him tight forever as he did too. Together, we both sat down on the edge of the bed, still cradled in each other's arms. It was hard to work out who was supporting who.
"You're soaking." Billie told me, holding me tight for warmth.
"So are you."
He smiled bleakly.
"Yeah, but that doesn't matter. I don't want you to catch cold."
Sometimes I wished that he didn't care so much because it made me feel awkward in that sense that I was having TOO much attention. It was hard to explain but if someone was constantly putting you first, it would make you feel a little uneasy believe me.
He took off his wet shoes and socks too seeing as I had done it myself, and kicked them over into the corner. Sitting comfortable on the edge of the bed, still soaking wet, we huddled together as I continued to cry.
After a few seconds of silence he squeezed me tight.
"You ok?" He asked.
I nodded, as I was too choked to say anything. He wiped away my tears for me, looking down on me to see if I was actually ok or if I were just lying.
"I'm so sorry for everything... " I muttered.
"I told you, it's ok. It's all in the past now, I'm going to keep you safe."
"But that's the thing!" I yelped, rising to my feet and looking at him as he still sat perched on the bed. "One way or another he's still going to get me. I'm going to be taken away because one day you'll have to go back home and so will I. What will happen to me then huh? It's all going to go back to how it used to be and he's always going to be there!"
"Who babes?" Billie Joe asked, worried. He rose to his feet and took my hands in his. "Who's going to get you?"
I screamed at him. "Tom! Tom is!"
And then I think then he saw my terror. Saw it in my eyes and felt it.
I started to sob again. "He's going to come and get me and then I'll be sorry."
"No he's not. Stef listen to me," he assured me as I hung my head. "He's never going to come near you again. I won't let him. I can't let you go back. If you do then I'll have to come with you too."
"How? You can't keep this up forever Billie Joe and you know it. He'll come, he'll get me... and then that's the end... all of this will be done, over with. Something of the past like everything else."
"No Stef, listen to me please. He's NOT going to come and get you, and I WILL keep this going for as long as I can. I... I don't want to loose you again."
"Me neither Billie. But I thought I had. I thought I had lost you forever and that you were dead and it was all my fault. All my fault... I thought you were gone and all I kept thinking was how much I had wasted everything we had, ruined it all and hurt you."
"You've ruined nothing." He told me, wiping my eyes dry once again. "And I'm going to be here for you forever no matter what it takes. I promise you Stef. I promise you."
He planted a kiss softly onto my forehead, closing his eyes. His lips were so soft.
"It's ok now... " he whispered. "It's ok now... I promise... I promise... "
"But Billie... I've messed things up so much, and I... I... " I sobbed as he cradled around me. "I can't stop thinking about what I've done to you. How fucking stupid I was and how cruel I was to you... "
"Shhhh... " He cooed.
"I've messed things up so much, I can't pretend it didn't happen. I'm sorry Billie Joe, so sorry - "
"Shhhhh." He put his finger to my lips. "No more words."
"But I - "
"No more buts. Never no more buts." He moved closer towards me as I looked into his eyes, watching his own as in his mind they undressed me. "No more words. No more sorrys. No more pain. No more... "
And then I fell under his spell, his last few words fading out slowly as he pouted a little and gently pressed his lips against my own.
We broke away, looking into each other's eyes, knowing that this was both what we had yearned for so long.
We kissed again, this time a little more deeper and meaningful than the first. As we used our tongues to tickle each other, I felt him move his hand round the back of my head and cup it around the back of my neck, drawing me closer to him. I placed my hands onto his chest, feeling his heart race inside of him. I closed my eyes slowly, taking in the sensation and enjoying every moment of it. Continuing to kiss in the darkened room, I slowly moved my hands down his chest, and rested them on his delicate hips - teasing him a little.
We pulled away, stopping for a breath, looking into each other's eyes once again as we pressed our foreheads together. I caught him smiling a little to himself, before stepping forward against me, his legs intertwined with mine as we stood there together. I brushed my lips against his, reacting him to kiss me once again. I felt his tongue, making me tingle all over. As we passionately kissed, he moved his hand away from the back of my neck.
Still locked within our kiss, he slid his hands slowly up under my t-shirt, making me shudder a little. Placing his hands on the side's of my waist under the material, my heart rate started to pick up pace.
Then he took hold of my top, starting to lift it up my body. I pulled away from his lips, looking at him, still in a daze.
"Billie... "
"Hmmm... " he replied back, still focused on his hands that were still delicately taking care of my top.
"I'm... I'm scared... "
I had never been scared before but this time, for some reason, I was.
He looked up at me with those lush green eyes that seemed to shine brightly more than anything at the moment. He leaned in and placed his lips onto mine once again.
"It's ok... " he assured me as he whispered. "I'll take care of you... "
And that's exactly what I let him do.
Take care of me.
Pressing his lips on to me again, I responded back. I nodded to him slowly, giving him all my trust and letting go of all my fears for once.
"I promise."
Taking care, he lifted my top over my head and let it drop to the floor. He looked at the top of my right arm in particular, running his finger over my still quite new tattoo. His name engraved on my arm making him love and yearn for me even more. He smiled to himself, looking at it a little longer in awe. He moved his head closer towards me, twisting it as he kissed the side of my neck, catching my breath as I felt his lips against my skin. He trailed down my neck and further, continuously planting kisses wherever he went.
I took hold of his tie and delicately pulled it apart, taking it off of him and throwing it somewhere behind him. Undoing the top buttons of his shirt and leaving the shirt slightly open, my fingers fumbled. He brought his head up to look at me.
Twirling on the spot, I lifted my arms in the air and let him take hold of me, snaking his arms around my back and kissing me passionately once again. I brought my hands up to his face and cupped his jaw line within my hands, bringing him closer to me.
Aroused, I moved my hands down from off of his face and stripped him of his belt, hearing it clatter to the floor with the other items of clothing that had already fallen victim to our passion. Teasing him, I undid the button of his trousers, before very slowly pulling down the zip.
He groaned a little, as I mumbled in laughter to myself.
I felt his sturdy hands trail around to my back, pulling my bra straps down over my shoulders before he unclipped it at the back like a pro.
I pulled his shirt off over his chest, slipping his arms out and disposing of the item on the floor.
"You ok?" He whispered as he placed both of his thumbs underneath the rim of my jeans and looking up at me, as if asking for permission.
"Yeah... "
I nodded at him, proceeding to watch as his own hands slipped around my jeans and delicately slipped them off of my hips and down - letting them crumble to a heap by our feet.
I bit my lip as he looked up at me from the tops of his eyes, smiling.
"Bite my lip and close my eyes/Take me away to paradise."
In a quick movement he placed hold of my waist, twisting me around and flinging me back onto the double bed. It was more of a dance than anything else. I lay, sprawled onto the bed; my back arched a little as I watched him suddenly crawl over the top of my figure. Looking up and staring into his eyes, he towered over me, his black pants being the only item left on him as they lay half balanced on his hips, the zip still undone and open. He bucked his hips against mine, pressing against me as he kissed again. His tongue left my mouth and once again trailed down my body, lower and lower - teasing me and making me moan. Closing my eyes I giggled as he tickled me with his tongue, causing him to smile too.
Bare chested, he moved his hands up and down my sides, touching me sensitively.
Removing me of my last item of clothing, I swallowed hard as the sexual tension started to build up inside of me.
Like an instant reaction, I slipped my fingers around his trouser waistline and pulled them over his body, letting them slip off at the end of his feet and fall to the floor.
Placing my legs in between his and sitting up, he slipped off his own boxer shorts and disposed of them.
His mouth turned into a hot warm smile. He leant his body forward and supported himself by putting his hands either side of my shoulders, his frame falling onto mine. Lying on top of me he swallowed inside of my mouth again, slowly starting to grind his hips against mine.
Breathing deeply, I heard him moan to himself again as I felt him suddenly harden to full mast. It made me groan with him, not being able to stand the waiting any longer.
"You ready?" He asked me quietly when we had stopped kissing for a few seconds.
I looked at him and nodded, but my eyes told him that I was a little nervous. But I trusted him when he had said that he would take care of me.
Suddenly, he ground into me, quickening the pace as he did. My mind seemed to blow into tiny little bits. My muscles tightened around him as he did, causing a little discomfort as first before starting to enjoy it. His hips bucking every so often with a jerky movement. I started to moan, not being able to control myself as he held his teeth clenched shut in exhilaration.
"Argh... Billie... " I cried, gripping tightly hold of the duvet that was underneath us.
"Arhh... nargh... urgh... " he panted, grinding up and down, suddenly feeling himself rise to the next level.
Feeling him inside of me, I let out a groan, Billie Joe covering my mouth with his to drown out the noise. But he suddenly pulled away for air, not being able to keep control either.
"Argh... nargh - fuck... Ohhh... f-u-c-k... "
He moaned pleasurably to himself, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.
"Oh... oh... urgh... fuck... arhh... Ohhhhh... "
Still moaning madly to himself, the sweat poured from off of his forehead and his eyes being no longer visible except for the whites.
Suddenly, his whole body shook as he felt his orgasm coming, pounding and grinding those hips into me deeper, harder, quicker. I wanted to scream.
He let out a load groan, panting. Continuing to thrust into me the hardest I had ever imagined, I arched my back as I felt myself starting to climax from him.
"F-u-c-k... oh fuck... arh... Urgh... Nargh... Billie... aargh... ohhhh... "
Suddenly everything speeded up by 10 times, both of us groaning as I joined in with Billie Joe in reaching our orgasms.
Both of us rocking, grinding into each other on the bed in the darkness. Our legs tangled together, my toes curling during the process, my knuckles turning white.
Covering up each other's mouths to drown out the loud moaning and groaning that were coming from both of us. He thrust hard into me a few times, letting a few moans from me escape as he breathed in deeply, jerking his hips a couple more times as he anti-climaxed. He groaned in pleasure to himself once again as he closed his eyes, making me shudder as I felt him. He jerked his hips every so often as he released, my muscles tensing as he did. I rolled my eyes back a little bit, my mind fizzing and looking up at the ceiling as all I could make out was Billie's lustful moans.
And then he collapsed onto me, both panting as he rested his head on my chest. Sweating like mad, he gasped for air, his whole body moving up and down as he inhaled. He closed his eyes, exhausted, and let his limps fall by the side of me as he lay on top still. I closed my eyes two, just as exhausted as Billie was. I let out a quiet sigh, trying to recover as I sunk into the duvet further, Billie Joe on top of me. His skin sticking to mine and both of our heart beats still racing. I swallowed back, spreading my arm to the side and sprawling it across the bed.
Billie Joe turned a little, still pressing his exhausted body on top of mine, and moved his arm up higher - wrapping his arm over my shoulder bone and under my neck, resting his hand there and pulling it forward as he leant up to kiss my forehead.
I let my head rest again back onto the bed with his hand still softly stroking the bottom of my hair at the back of my neck. His fingertips so soft and soothing.
He placed his head back onto my chest, positioning himself comfortably on me, his legs wrapped around mine and our limbs intertwined as one. I lent my head to the side and rested it on top of Billie's, who was breathing in deeply still, trying to regain back to normal - his eyes closed. I snaked my other arm up and round his side, resting it across his back and keeping his body close to mine. I shifted a little, making myself comfortable on the bed for both of us, closing my eyes exhausted.
"I... love you Stef babes... " he panted, his eyes still closed mesmerized and still not moving from his resting spot against me.
"I love you too Billie... " I replied, still breathing in deeply.
Moving his head a little in towards me, his kissed my skin delicately and resumed back to lying comfortably with me. I kissed the top of his head, my lips meeting his hair that was still damp from when we had been standing in the rain earlier. Snuggling up to him I settled down and let go of all my limbs, exhaustion taking control of both of us. We lay there, nothing moving or stirring around us. Everything was silent. All that could be heard was our breathing, our chests lifting up and down as we did. And then everything fell deadly still as we lay wrapped in each other's bodies for comfort as we peacefully fell asleep together.
"You ok?" He asked, looking at me lean against the back of the door.
I shrugged my shoulders, hanging my head. He looked at me hard for a while, before walking over and placing his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it a little.
"It's ok now. I've told you. Nothing's going to harm you anymore."
I looked into his eyes and they glinted in the moonlight that was shining from outside, seeping through the window. I bit my tongue as I swallowed hard, my whole mind screaming inside.
"We need to clean your cuts." I simply said, moving away from him and changing the subject.
He smiled to himself, turning around to watch me walk into the bathroom, turning on the light.
I soon appeared with a wet cloth, ringing it out and moving my thumb to support his jaw-line. I turned his face to the side a little, applying the cloth to one of his deep cuts across the side of his nose.
Neither of us said anything as he looked at me, watching as I concentrated on his cuts and bruises.
"These are deep." I told him. "You really should go to the hospital."
"I don't want to."
"Why?"
"Because I wanna stay with you."
I stopped in my tracks, the cloth still placed over a cut on his face. I sighed, before continuing to dab his wounds. He smiled knowingly to himself, thinking. It made me a little a nervous.
"Jesus," I muttered to myself, looking carefully at one of his cuts. "How the hell did you do this?"
"Do what?"
"Get a fucking cut this deep in your nose?"
"That must have been in the explosion."
I looked up at him stunned, an image of him being blasted playing over in my mind. I wasn't expecting a response like that. It was horrible. I couldn't stand it any longer. He was coping so well, and yet I couldn't stand the thought of him being trapped inside the torment.
My bottom lip trembled, and my eyes filled with tears once again. I can't remember how many times I cried today.
"I'm sorry... " I sobbed, putting down the cloth and covering my face with my hands to cry.
But it was no use in covering it because he knew what I was doing anyway.
"Aw Stef... "
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close as I cried into him.
"It's ok. It's all ok now. You're safe, I'm safe. We're together. Everything's going to be ok now. I'm here."
"I thought you were dead." I sobbed. "I thought I was never going to see you again."
"Me too. Me too. When I saw you cut yourself, I thought my life had ended."
A pane of guilt overcome me.
"And today, trapped in there - I couldn't leave it how we had; hanging. It was just too much. If more than anything, it was you that drove me to save myself. If I hadn't thought about you then I guess I would have stayed and waited for help. But I had to find you and make sure that YOU were ok. For all I knew you and Mike could have been trapped too when he had picked you up from the hospital. It was you who saved me."
I knew that a part of him was lying, because he wouldn't have just stayed and waited for help. I knew him too well. I wasn't the only thing that drove him to save himself. Didn't Green Day, Adrienne, Joey, Jakob, playing the guitar, singing, writing songs, Mike or Tre mean anything to him?
I felt a bit awkward in the way that it sounded like I had replaced Adrienne. Because I didn't want that. I just felt so guilty when Adrienne came to mind. After all, she WAS his wife and I was just his bit on the side. But it felt special and I loved it. I loved HIM.
"I just can't stop thinking about you, in there... it must have been horrible... " I broke into a fit of cries.
"It was. But I'm here now."
He ran his fingers through my hair as I sighed, kissing me on the forehead gently.
"You'll see, everything's going to get better. Things are going to change between us, starting from tonight."
I looked up at him and remembered his words, and there seemed to be a new glimmer of hope behind them. After all that had happened, right now it DID seem possible for things to turn out better. Maybe this was our turning point.
"Now you wipe your eyes ok? I just need to do something first. Clean myself up. I can't walk round with a half blooded face all night."
He patted me on the shoulder and walked into the bathroom, leaving me to wipe my eyes on my sleeve. It was just as good as a tissue. I dragged my feet across the room, standing at the edge of the bed and kicking off my wet shoes, as well as taking off my socks. Stuffing the soggy pieces of material into the insides of my shoes, I took off my drenched hoody and placed it on the back of the chair in the corner of the room that had never been sat on near the radiator. I stretched my feet, slowly pacing around in a circle at the end of the bed, waiting for him. With my hand to my forehead, and my eyes stinging, I wondered if he really did mean what he had said about saving himself so he could see me again. It tugged on my heartstrings so much that sometimes it hurt.
I looked at my wrists, seeing my bandages and cuts showing through. Most of the cuts were visible since I had been thrown on the floor so many times that the protection had fallen off - which wasn't good. But I couldn't do anything about that now. The only thing I could do was make sure that they didn't catch or open up again. And even after then, the scars would still be as clear as anything.
I'm such a dipshit. How could I have been so selfish? Trying to take my own life when Billie Joe's was almost snatched away from him today. All those innocent people and I actually wanted to die. What the fuck was I thinking? Now because of me he almost died. Because of me. Because I was too busy thinking about myself and not others. As always.
How could I? I had made the biggest mistake of my life by putting that blade to my wrist. And knowing that I had wanted it to hurt him made me feel twice as guilty. Infact that hurt more than the thought of me trying to kill myself.
And Billie Joe. What about Billie Joe? He's being so brave. My hearts bleeding for him. If only he knew that. If only he knew how sorry I was everything. How sorry I am for all the pain, hurt and anger I've caused.
It was no use, the tears once again making a return. I was always crying these days, I couldn't help it. I sobbed a little, not knowing what else to do right now. I heard the door open to the bathroom, making me catch my breath back as I spun on the spot to face Billie Joe. The light had been turned out from the bathroom, so the room was dark once again. He saw my tears and he felt my pain. He opened up his arms and smiled sweetly to me.
"Come here... "
I more than likely ran into his hug, holding him tight forever as he did too. Together, we both sat down on the edge of the bed, still cradled in each other's arms. It was hard to work out who was supporting who.
"You're soaking." Billie told me, holding me tight for warmth.
"So are you."
He smiled bleakly.
"Yeah, but that doesn't matter. I don't want you to catch cold."
Sometimes I wished that he didn't care so much because it made me feel awkward in that sense that I was having TOO much attention. It was hard to explain but if someone was constantly putting you first, it would make you feel a little uneasy believe me.
He took off his wet shoes and socks too seeing as I had done it myself, and kicked them over into the corner. Sitting comfortable on the edge of the bed, still soaking wet, we huddled together as I continued to cry.
After a few seconds of silence he squeezed me tight.
"You ok?" He asked.
I nodded, as I was too choked to say anything. He wiped away my tears for me, looking down on me to see if I was actually ok or if I were just lying.
"I'm so sorry for everything... " I muttered.
"I told you, it's ok. It's all in the past now, I'm going to keep you safe."
"But that's the thing!" I yelped, rising to my feet and looking at him as he still sat perched on the bed. "One way or another he's still going to get me. I'm going to be taken away because one day you'll have to go back home and so will I. What will happen to me then huh? It's all going to go back to how it used to be and he's always going to be there!"
"Who babes?" Billie Joe asked, worried. He rose to his feet and took my hands in his. "Who's going to get you?"
I screamed at him. "Tom! Tom is!"
And then I think then he saw my terror. Saw it in my eyes and felt it.
I started to sob again. "He's going to come and get me and then I'll be sorry."
"No he's not. Stef listen to me," he assured me as I hung my head. "He's never going to come near you again. I won't let him. I can't let you go back. If you do then I'll have to come with you too."
"How? You can't keep this up forever Billie Joe and you know it. He'll come, he'll get me... and then that's the end... all of this will be done, over with. Something of the past like everything else."
"No Stef, listen to me please. He's NOT going to come and get you, and I WILL keep this going for as long as I can. I... I don't want to loose you again."
"Me neither Billie. But I thought I had. I thought I had lost you forever and that you were dead and it was all my fault. All my fault... I thought you were gone and all I kept thinking was how much I had wasted everything we had, ruined it all and hurt you."
"You've ruined nothing." He told me, wiping my eyes dry once again. "And I'm going to be here for you forever no matter what it takes. I promise you Stef. I promise you."
He planted a kiss softly onto my forehead, closing his eyes. His lips were so soft.
"It's ok now... " he whispered. "It's ok now... I promise... I promise... "
"But Billie... I've messed things up so much, and I... I... " I sobbed as he cradled around me. "I can't stop thinking about what I've done to you. How fucking stupid I was and how cruel I was to you... "
"Shhhh... " He cooed.
"I've messed things up so much, I can't pretend it didn't happen. I'm sorry Billie Joe, so sorry - "
"Shhhhh." He put his finger to my lips. "No more words."
"But I - "
"No more buts. Never no more buts." He moved closer towards me as I looked into his eyes, watching his own as in his mind they undressed me. "No more words. No more sorrys. No more pain. No more... "
And then I fell under his spell, his last few words fading out slowly as he pouted a little and gently pressed his lips against my own.
We broke away, looking into each other's eyes, knowing that this was both what we had yearned for so long.
We kissed again, this time a little more deeper and meaningful than the first. As we used our tongues to tickle each other, I felt him move his hand round the back of my head and cup it around the back of my neck, drawing me closer to him. I placed my hands onto his chest, feeling his heart race inside of him. I closed my eyes slowly, taking in the sensation and enjoying every moment of it. Continuing to kiss in the darkened room, I slowly moved my hands down his chest, and rested them on his delicate hips - teasing him a little.
We pulled away, stopping for a breath, looking into each other's eyes once again as we pressed our foreheads together. I caught him smiling a little to himself, before stepping forward against me, his legs intertwined with mine as we stood there together. I brushed my lips against his, reacting him to kiss me once again. I felt his tongue, making me tingle all over. As we passionately kissed, he moved his hand away from the back of my neck.
Still locked within our kiss, he slid his hands slowly up under my t-shirt, making me shudder a little. Placing his hands on the side's of my waist under the material, my heart rate started to pick up pace.
Then he took hold of my top, starting to lift it up my body. I pulled away from his lips, looking at him, still in a daze.
"Billie... "
"Hmmm... " he replied back, still focused on his hands that were still delicately taking care of my top.
"I'm... I'm scared... "
I had never been scared before but this time, for some reason, I was.
He looked up at me with those lush green eyes that seemed to shine brightly more than anything at the moment. He leaned in and placed his lips onto mine once again.
"It's ok... " he assured me as he whispered. "I'll take care of you... "
And that's exactly what I let him do.
Take care of me.
Pressing his lips on to me again, I responded back. I nodded to him slowly, giving him all my trust and letting go of all my fears for once.
"I promise."
Taking care, he lifted my top over my head and let it drop to the floor. He looked at the top of my right arm in particular, running his finger over my still quite new tattoo. His name engraved on my arm making him love and yearn for me even more. He smiled to himself, looking at it a little longer in awe. He moved his head closer towards me, twisting it as he kissed the side of my neck, catching my breath as I felt his lips against my skin. He trailed down my neck and further, continuously planting kisses wherever he went.
I took hold of his tie and delicately pulled it apart, taking it off of him and throwing it somewhere behind him. Undoing the top buttons of his shirt and leaving the shirt slightly open, my fingers fumbled. He brought his head up to look at me.
Twirling on the spot, I lifted my arms in the air and let him take hold of me, snaking his arms around my back and kissing me passionately once again. I brought my hands up to his face and cupped his jaw line within my hands, bringing him closer to me.
Aroused, I moved my hands down from off of his face and stripped him of his belt, hearing it clatter to the floor with the other items of clothing that had already fallen victim to our passion. Teasing him, I undid the button of his trousers, before very slowly pulling down the zip.
He groaned a little, as I mumbled in laughter to myself.
I felt his sturdy hands trail around to my back, pulling my bra straps down over my shoulders before he unclipped it at the back like a pro.
I pulled his shirt off over his chest, slipping his arms out and disposing of the item on the floor.
"You ok?" He whispered as he placed both of his thumbs underneath the rim of my jeans and looking up at me, as if asking for permission.
"Yeah... "
I nodded at him, proceeding to watch as his own hands slipped around my jeans and delicately slipped them off of my hips and down - letting them crumble to a heap by our feet.
I bit my lip as he looked up at me from the tops of his eyes, smiling.
"Bite my lip and close my eyes/Take me away to paradise."
In a quick movement he placed hold of my waist, twisting me around and flinging me back onto the double bed. It was more of a dance than anything else. I lay, sprawled onto the bed; my back arched a little as I watched him suddenly crawl over the top of my figure. Looking up and staring into his eyes, he towered over me, his black pants being the only item left on him as they lay half balanced on his hips, the zip still undone and open. He bucked his hips against mine, pressing against me as he kissed again. His tongue left my mouth and once again trailed down my body, lower and lower - teasing me and making me moan. Closing my eyes I giggled as he tickled me with his tongue, causing him to smile too.
Bare chested, he moved his hands up and down my sides, touching me sensitively.
Removing me of my last item of clothing, I swallowed hard as the sexual tension started to build up inside of me.
Like an instant reaction, I slipped my fingers around his trouser waistline and pulled them over his body, letting them slip off at the end of his feet and fall to the floor.
Placing my legs in between his and sitting up, he slipped off his own boxer shorts and disposed of them.
His mouth turned into a hot warm smile. He leant his body forward and supported himself by putting his hands either side of my shoulders, his frame falling onto mine. Lying on top of me he swallowed inside of my mouth again, slowly starting to grind his hips against mine.
Breathing deeply, I heard him moan to himself again as I felt him suddenly harden to full mast. It made me groan with him, not being able to stand the waiting any longer.
"You ready?" He asked me quietly when we had stopped kissing for a few seconds.
I looked at him and nodded, but my eyes told him that I was a little nervous. But I trusted him when he had said that he would take care of me.
Suddenly, he ground into me, quickening the pace as he did. My mind seemed to blow into tiny little bits. My muscles tightened around him as he did, causing a little discomfort as first before starting to enjoy it. His hips bucking every so often with a jerky movement. I started to moan, not being able to control myself as he held his teeth clenched shut in exhilaration.
"Argh... Billie... " I cried, gripping tightly hold of the duvet that was underneath us.
"Arhh... nargh... urgh... " he panted, grinding up and down, suddenly feeling himself rise to the next level.
Feeling him inside of me, I let out a groan, Billie Joe covering my mouth with his to drown out the noise. But he suddenly pulled away for air, not being able to keep control either.
"Argh... nargh - fuck... Ohhh... f-u-c-k... "
He moaned pleasurably to himself, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.
"Oh... oh... urgh... fuck... arhh... Ohhhhh... "
Still moaning madly to himself, the sweat poured from off of his forehead and his eyes being no longer visible except for the whites.
Suddenly, his whole body shook as he felt his orgasm coming, pounding and grinding those hips into me deeper, harder, quicker. I wanted to scream.
He let out a load groan, panting. Continuing to thrust into me the hardest I had ever imagined, I arched my back as I felt myself starting to climax from him.
"F-u-c-k... oh fuck... arh... Urgh... Nargh... Billie... aargh... ohhhh... "
Suddenly everything speeded up by 10 times, both of us groaning as I joined in with Billie Joe in reaching our orgasms.
Both of us rocking, grinding into each other on the bed in the darkness. Our legs tangled together, my toes curling during the process, my knuckles turning white.
Covering up each other's mouths to drown out the loud moaning and groaning that were coming from both of us. He thrust hard into me a few times, letting a few moans from me escape as he breathed in deeply, jerking his hips a couple more times as he anti-climaxed. He groaned in pleasure to himself once again as he closed his eyes, making me shudder as I felt him. He jerked his hips every so often as he released, my muscles tensing as he did. I rolled my eyes back a little bit, my mind fizzing and looking up at the ceiling as all I could make out was Billie's lustful moans.
And then he collapsed onto me, both panting as he rested his head on my chest. Sweating like mad, he gasped for air, his whole body moving up and down as he inhaled. He closed his eyes, exhausted, and let his limps fall by the side of me as he lay on top still. I closed my eyes two, just as exhausted as Billie was. I let out a quiet sigh, trying to recover as I sunk into the duvet further, Billie Joe on top of me. His skin sticking to mine and both of our heart beats still racing. I swallowed back, spreading my arm to the side and sprawling it across the bed.
Billie Joe turned a little, still pressing his exhausted body on top of mine, and moved his arm up higher - wrapping his arm over my shoulder bone and under my neck, resting his hand there and pulling it forward as he leant up to kiss my forehead.
I let my head rest again back onto the bed with his hand still softly stroking the bottom of my hair at the back of my neck. His fingertips so soft and soothing.
He placed his head back onto my chest, positioning himself comfortably on me, his legs wrapped around mine and our limbs intertwined as one. I lent my head to the side and rested it on top of Billie's, who was breathing in deeply still, trying to regain back to normal - his eyes closed. I snaked my other arm up and round his side, resting it across his back and keeping his body close to mine. I shifted a little, making myself comfortable on the bed for both of us, closing my eyes exhausted.
"I... love you Stef babes... " he panted, his eyes still closed mesmerized and still not moving from his resting spot against me.
"I love you too Billie... " I replied, still breathing in deeply.
Moving his head a little in towards me, his kissed my skin delicately and resumed back to lying comfortably with me. I kissed the top of his head, my lips meeting his hair that was still damp from when we had been standing in the rain earlier. Snuggling up to him I settled down and let go of all my limbs, exhaustion taking control of both of us. We lay there, nothing moving or stirring around us. Everything was silent. All that could be heard was our breathing, our chests lifting up and down as we did. And then everything fell deadly still as we lay wrapped in each other's bodies for comfort as we peacefully fell asleep together.
