A Note Don't Come Easy, chapter 42
Billie Joe suddenly felt a pain of guilt overcome him, Tre's last words ringing in both ears.
... For both couples... for both couples...
But then it clicked inside of him that Tre had been talking about him and Mike - joking around to the previous conversation. For a moment he had thought he had been talking about what had happened between him and Addi the previous night. But he couldn't of been. Nobody knew of it.
Or did they?
Realising he was becoming paranoid, Billie shrugged off the guilty conscience and tried to forget about it. He didn't want to spoil things tonight. He wanted it to be just perfect. He wasn't going to let his previous mistakes and his troubled marriage stand in his way.
* * * * * * * *
A little while later, I saw myself holding Billie's hand under the table. I was constantly linked with him.
We had just finished eating our main meal, Tre devouring his the most.
As a waiter took away our empty plates, (or mostly empty in my case) I sat and watched as Billie gently licked his lips from just having finished eating his chicken scallops. A bit like a cat would do after just having a saucer of cream.
He turned round and caught my eye, looking at me with a cautious smile.
"What?" he asked, smirking in the embarrassment of me watching him.
"Nothing."
He raised his eyebrow, unsure of himself before turning back to look at the menu for desert.
"You guys ordered what you want for desert?" He asked, scanning over the menu.
"I think I'll just have a coffee Bill'," Mike assumed, putting the menu back on the table before him for the third time tonight.
"Tre?"
Tre sat there, stroking his chin and cocking his head to one side in thought as he looked at the list.
"I think I'll have the... " he waved his finger in the air before hitting the menu with it. "The double chocolate fudge cake."
Billie smiled a little before turning his head to face me.
"Hows about you babe?"
"Um... " I stumbled as I looked over the list just like the other 2 had previously.
I hadn't even looked at the menu, since I had been too occupied looking past it and instead at Billie Joe.
"I'll have the ice cream tower." I randomly picked.
Billie called over the waiter who took down our orders from off of the guitarist before hustling off back into the kitchen.
Billie leaned his face into the crook of my neck, kissing me softly.
"I love you."
I smiled softly as he did, feeling a little awkward considering the other two were watching us though.
"I love you too." I replied kissing him back.
"Because I love you's not enough/I'm lost for words."
* * * * * * * *
Billie Joe playfully wriggled his eyebrows at me, before slipping some ice cream onto his spoon and inside of his mouth.
I smiled back, beaming because right now I felt so happy to be here.
This had been the first time we had done something together without there ever being complications or a strong sense of tension.
The last time we had done something together and enjoyed ourselves had been back after my first audition - where we had all plastered ourselves and only did anything that was fun.
I sat there, eating my ice cream and thinking back to then, and how far things had come between us.
Thinking about everything that had happened in the last couple of months.
Because to me everything that had happened before the Grammies seemed so long ago, so distant, so perfect.
*
Tre put down the last vodka bottle - empty and the last of it's contents having just been drunk by him.
He let it roll across the floor, watching as Mike sat laughing to himself. He sat there, knees tucked up under his chin and in too much of a drunkard state to understand what he was doing and why. Or even what he was laughing at.
Billie Joe and I sat on the couch, his arm slumped over my shoulder's as he constantly grinned.
We were trying to make some what a conversation together, but couldn't because we were either so drunk or too busy laughing.
"So... lemme get this straight... " Billie Joe slurred, pointing at me and going crossed eyed for a few seconds. "You've never... never had a boyfriend before?"
I shook my head violently in the negative, raising my eyebrows at the same time.
Billie broke out into a smile, nodding his head at the same time as if in approval.
I didn't have a clue to as why he was nodding his head, but I didn't ask. My mind was too busy buzzing with different thoughts, like;
How I had just made it through my first audition.
How quickly everything was happening before me.
How hot Billie Joe was looking right now...
"You know it's been a week since we met?" He slurred, slapping my back as he tried to bare his surroundings.
"Yeah. Yeah it has. It seems like I've known you for ages-s-s-s... "
I exaggerated my last words as I threw my head onto the back of the couch, looking at him as his hand lay sandwiched in between the couch and the back of my neck.
"Yeah." he grinned like a Cheshire cat.
I don't even think he realised that he was doing it. I thought it was kind of cute.
"What?" he asked, giggling as he caught me looking at him.
"Nothing."
*
That night seemed so long ago, so distant, so perfect.
As Mike gently sipped on his coffee, Billie Joe and I continued to eat our ice cream - a part slipping off of his spoon just as he brought it to his mouth, missing it.
With his mouth still agape, his eyes followed the ice cream as it plopped back into his bowl, pulling his face by wrinkling his nose.
His bottom lip folded and turning to look at me with a sad look played, he made me laugh - causing me to put my hand to my own mouth to stop the ice cream from escaping due to laughing.
He let a smile to break across his face, laughing a little to himself before dipping into the bowl once again. I watched as he took another spoonful, but instead turned to me and grinned.
Without saying anything, I opened my mouth - letting him spoon feed me a scoop of his ice cream covered in chocolate sauce.
Wrinkling my nose back as he watched me eat it, in return I scooped some of my own onto a spoon and lead it towards his lips.
Gracefully he opened them... his eyes following the spoon as his mouth devoured it.
God... the hotness of it.
It was like watching chocolate melt.
Watching it melt and teasing you because you couldn't have it yet.
In a way, it was also like watching a loving mother feed a baby, but the love I had for Billie Joe felt so much stronger than any mother could ever love their child.
Smiling at each other as we did, he leaned forward and rubbed his nose gently against mine as he ate my dessert I had just fed him.
And then a thought came across his mind - one that would never go away.
Will I always be able to stay like this? Stay with Stef and love her like I do now, as well as keep my family?
Will I be given the blessing of being able to love her and let her openly love me back?
They were questions that only fate could decide.
... For both couples... for both couples...
But then it clicked inside of him that Tre had been talking about him and Mike - joking around to the previous conversation. For a moment he had thought he had been talking about what had happened between him and Addi the previous night. But he couldn't of been. Nobody knew of it.
Or did they?
Realising he was becoming paranoid, Billie shrugged off the guilty conscience and tried to forget about it. He didn't want to spoil things tonight. He wanted it to be just perfect. He wasn't going to let his previous mistakes and his troubled marriage stand in his way.
* * * * * * * *
A little while later, I saw myself holding Billie's hand under the table. I was constantly linked with him.
We had just finished eating our main meal, Tre devouring his the most.
As a waiter took away our empty plates, (or mostly empty in my case) I sat and watched as Billie gently licked his lips from just having finished eating his chicken scallops. A bit like a cat would do after just having a saucer of cream.
He turned round and caught my eye, looking at me with a cautious smile.
"What?" he asked, smirking in the embarrassment of me watching him.
"Nothing."
He raised his eyebrow, unsure of himself before turning back to look at the menu for desert.
"You guys ordered what you want for desert?" He asked, scanning over the menu.
"I think I'll just have a coffee Bill'," Mike assumed, putting the menu back on the table before him for the third time tonight.
"Tre?"
Tre sat there, stroking his chin and cocking his head to one side in thought as he looked at the list.
"I think I'll have the... " he waved his finger in the air before hitting the menu with it. "The double chocolate fudge cake."
Billie smiled a little before turning his head to face me.
"Hows about you babe?"
"Um... " I stumbled as I looked over the list just like the other 2 had previously.
I hadn't even looked at the menu, since I had been too occupied looking past it and instead at Billie Joe.
"I'll have the ice cream tower." I randomly picked.
Billie called over the waiter who took down our orders from off of the guitarist before hustling off back into the kitchen.
Billie leaned his face into the crook of my neck, kissing me softly.
"I love you."
I smiled softly as he did, feeling a little awkward considering the other two were watching us though.
"I love you too." I replied kissing him back.
"Because I love you's not enough/I'm lost for words."
* * * * * * * *
Billie Joe playfully wriggled his eyebrows at me, before slipping some ice cream onto his spoon and inside of his mouth.
I smiled back, beaming because right now I felt so happy to be here.
This had been the first time we had done something together without there ever being complications or a strong sense of tension.
The last time we had done something together and enjoyed ourselves had been back after my first audition - where we had all plastered ourselves and only did anything that was fun.
I sat there, eating my ice cream and thinking back to then, and how far things had come between us.
Thinking about everything that had happened in the last couple of months.
Because to me everything that had happened before the Grammies seemed so long ago, so distant, so perfect.
*
Tre put down the last vodka bottle - empty and the last of it's contents having just been drunk by him.
He let it roll across the floor, watching as Mike sat laughing to himself. He sat there, knees tucked up under his chin and in too much of a drunkard state to understand what he was doing and why. Or even what he was laughing at.
Billie Joe and I sat on the couch, his arm slumped over my shoulder's as he constantly grinned.
We were trying to make some what a conversation together, but couldn't because we were either so drunk or too busy laughing.
"So... lemme get this straight... " Billie Joe slurred, pointing at me and going crossed eyed for a few seconds. "You've never... never had a boyfriend before?"
I shook my head violently in the negative, raising my eyebrows at the same time.
Billie broke out into a smile, nodding his head at the same time as if in approval.
I didn't have a clue to as why he was nodding his head, but I didn't ask. My mind was too busy buzzing with different thoughts, like;
How I had just made it through my first audition.
How quickly everything was happening before me.
How hot Billie Joe was looking right now...
"You know it's been a week since we met?" He slurred, slapping my back as he tried to bare his surroundings.
"Yeah. Yeah it has. It seems like I've known you for ages-s-s-s... "
I exaggerated my last words as I threw my head onto the back of the couch, looking at him as his hand lay sandwiched in between the couch and the back of my neck.
"Yeah." he grinned like a Cheshire cat.
I don't even think he realised that he was doing it. I thought it was kind of cute.
"What?" he asked, giggling as he caught me looking at him.
"Nothing."
*
That night seemed so long ago, so distant, so perfect.
As Mike gently sipped on his coffee, Billie Joe and I continued to eat our ice cream - a part slipping off of his spoon just as he brought it to his mouth, missing it.
With his mouth still agape, his eyes followed the ice cream as it plopped back into his bowl, pulling his face by wrinkling his nose.
His bottom lip folded and turning to look at me with a sad look played, he made me laugh - causing me to put my hand to my own mouth to stop the ice cream from escaping due to laughing.
He let a smile to break across his face, laughing a little to himself before dipping into the bowl once again. I watched as he took another spoonful, but instead turned to me and grinned.
Without saying anything, I opened my mouth - letting him spoon feed me a scoop of his ice cream covered in chocolate sauce.
Wrinkling my nose back as he watched me eat it, in return I scooped some of my own onto a spoon and lead it towards his lips.
Gracefully he opened them... his eyes following the spoon as his mouth devoured it.
God... the hotness of it.
It was like watching chocolate melt.
Watching it melt and teasing you because you couldn't have it yet.
In a way, it was also like watching a loving mother feed a baby, but the love I had for Billie Joe felt so much stronger than any mother could ever love their child.
Smiling at each other as we did, he leaned forward and rubbed his nose gently against mine as he ate my dessert I had just fed him.
And then a thought came across his mind - one that would never go away.
Will I always be able to stay like this? Stay with Stef and love her like I do now, as well as keep my family?
Will I be given the blessing of being able to love her and let her openly love me back?
They were questions that only fate could decide.
