Would You Be Mine?, chapter 10
Recap
Billie looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm sorry Sarah. I saw you watching us arguing. I know Adie talked shit. But she is right at one point."
"Which point?" I asked scared to death.
Billie didn't say anything. He took my hand and walked with me to sit on the bed.
End recap
"She was right saying that I'm way too old for you". I didn't believe what I heard. "What? What? I... I... "
"Shh... You know it yourself. I know you are concerned as well."
"Well I was at the beginning but... Ehm... Mel convinced me. D.. Do you wanna break up with me now?" Tears running down my face.
"I didn't know we were actually together." Billie said in a cold voice.
How could he be like that? He always was so nice and all. I felt like in a nightmare. I couldn't stop crying. "Why do you say all that? I thought you loved me?" I said catching my breath.
Billie hugged me and said: "Listen I do love you. I just wanted to test you. I know, not a nice way but I had to. I love you Sarah. But if we really want to be together we should be aware of what this means to us and to the people around us."
"What are you talking about?" I didn't understand what the hell he was talking.
"I just don't want people talking shit about us because it would probably hurt you and do no good to our relationship. But now that I know how much you love me I have no doubts that what we have is right." he said kissing me on the forehead.
All this just didn't make any sense to me but having Billie holding my hand and kissing me reassured me.
I spent the afternoon unpacking my stuff. I hate living out of the suitcase so I was happy that there was a closet in my room. Billie meanwhile was playing guitar downstairs. Suddenly my cell phone rang. I thought it was Mel but it was an unknown number. I answered the phone but later I wished I hadn't.
Some guy was screaming things to me (in German, but you wouldn't understand, so I write it in English):
"Sarah, you bitch. Fucking rockstars all the time? Fuck you bitch, you still owe me a round!" I first didn't recognize him but after that I knew who it was: Tom, my ex-boyfriend who tried to rape me.
I started to yell at him "Shut the fuck up. I didn't fuck him you asshole. And get the hell out of my life! I hate you." With that I hung up the phone. I collapsed crying. All the memories and fears came back to me.
How did he get my number? I changed it after that night in the park so how the hell did he find out my number?
Then I heard footsteps. Billie must have heard my yelling and crying. "Sarah? Are you OK?" he asked on his way upstairs. I ran to the mirror and tried to wipe away me tears. He entered the room.
"Sarah? What's wrong?" he asked.
"Uhm, nothing. A fly flew in my eyes." I lied.
"Let me see" he came over and looked into my eyes. "Well, there's nothing. Why were you yelling?"
I couldn't answer him. I didn't want him to know. I don't know why but I felt ashamed. I ran downstairs and out of the house. I couldn't stand it. I didn't want to cry in front of Billie.
I ran down the street not knowing where to go. That was so typical of me, I thought, running away from problems. I did it my entire life. I sat down on the pavement and cried. I felt so stupid for running away. I hated myself. I looked up to see where I actually was. In the distance I saw the beach, so I went there. I sat in the sand and watched the ocean. Barely any people were at the beach today. Probably because they had to work.
Why did I have to run away? Why did I lie to Billie? Why couldn't I tell him Tom called? Why? Why? Why? I'm such a stupid dumbass. I buried my head in my hands and cried.
*Billies POV*
Billie ran after her but she was way ahead. I went back to the house and called Mel.
"Mel, I need your help, please!" Billie yelled
"Calm down, calm down, what happened?" Mel asked.
"Sarah, I heard her yelling and went to see what was going on but she didn't tell. I can tell she cried but she denied it. Then she ran away. I couldn't catch her. Do you know why she ran away?"
"No, not at all. She told me yesterday at the beach that she loves you."
"Can you guys help me finding her?"
"Yes, of course. We'll be there in about half an hour. Bye"
Billie then also called Tré who wanted to help as well.
About half an hour later:
"I hope she didn't get lost. She has a bad sense of direction" Mel said.
"In which direction did she run?" Mike asked.
"Down the street." Billie answered.
"But why the hell would she run away?" Tré wondered.
Billie told them about the argument they had because of Adrienne. "But we made it up so it couldn't be that" Billie said.
They decided to go out and look for her. Everyone took another direction. Mel went with Mike, and Billie went with Tré.
*Mel's POV*
"Do you really have no idea what could be wrong with her?" Mike asked Mel.
"No, she seemed happy. But she always runs away from problems." Mel said.
"Where could she be?" Mike asked.
Mel thought for a moment. Then something came to her mind.
"She once told me that when she wants to be alone she goes to lonely places where she can think without people running around her." Mel said.
"I know where she could be." Mike said and grabbed Mels hand.
"Where are we going?" Mel asked
"Well she doesn't know many places here - except from one. And that place IS lonely, especially in the week."
"The beach?"
"Yeah, lets go."
They ran as fast as they could. It was already getting dark outside.
*Billie's POV*
Billie and Tré walked through the entire city. They were in parks and cafés and every place they could think of. Since it started to get dark outside Billie started to worry.
*Sarah's POV*
I just couldn't stop crying. Some people were passing by and saying things like "Poor girl" or "what a pity". I didn't care what they thought about me. Then I noticed that it had gotten dark. Fuck. How should I find back? Billie must be worried, I thought. Again, I started hating myself. For a moment I stopped crying because in the distance I saw someone walking who looked just like Billie. But when the person came nearer I realized it wasn't him. I started crying again.
Then someone tapped on my shoulder and hugged me. "Sarah, what the fuck?" it was Mel.
I turned around and saw Mike with her. Mike instantly grabbed his cell phone and called Billie.
"Hey Billie, we found her... Nah, don't worry... She's at the beach." Mike put his phone in his pockets and hugged me.
"Shhh, stop crying." he said. I was so lucky they found me but so scared of what Billie would say or think.
"What happened?" Mel asked.
I couldn't tell her what happened. She didn't know about what Tom did to me. Only Billie knew. Mel looked at me worried. She was my best friend for more than ten years. Why couldn't I just tell her? Finally I did. I told her and Mike everything that happened.
"Oh, I'm so sorry" Mike said hugging me.
"He's a stupid fuck. I always knew it. He always said stupid things to me after your break-up that I didn't understand. But now I know. I'm so sorry Sarah." she said hugging me.
Then Mike said: "Sarah, look!" and pointed to two figures in the distance, running in our direction: Billie and Tré. I was so happy to see Billie. But I was scared of his reaction. Would he understand?
Billie looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm sorry Sarah. I saw you watching us arguing. I know Adie talked shit. But she is right at one point."
"Which point?" I asked scared to death.
Billie didn't say anything. He took my hand and walked with me to sit on the bed.
End recap
"She was right saying that I'm way too old for you". I didn't believe what I heard. "What? What? I... I... "
"Shh... You know it yourself. I know you are concerned as well."
"Well I was at the beginning but... Ehm... Mel convinced me. D.. Do you wanna break up with me now?" Tears running down my face.
"I didn't know we were actually together." Billie said in a cold voice.
How could he be like that? He always was so nice and all. I felt like in a nightmare. I couldn't stop crying. "Why do you say all that? I thought you loved me?" I said catching my breath.
Billie hugged me and said: "Listen I do love you. I just wanted to test you. I know, not a nice way but I had to. I love you Sarah. But if we really want to be together we should be aware of what this means to us and to the people around us."
"What are you talking about?" I didn't understand what the hell he was talking.
"I just don't want people talking shit about us because it would probably hurt you and do no good to our relationship. But now that I know how much you love me I have no doubts that what we have is right." he said kissing me on the forehead.
All this just didn't make any sense to me but having Billie holding my hand and kissing me reassured me.
I spent the afternoon unpacking my stuff. I hate living out of the suitcase so I was happy that there was a closet in my room. Billie meanwhile was playing guitar downstairs. Suddenly my cell phone rang. I thought it was Mel but it was an unknown number. I answered the phone but later I wished I hadn't.
Some guy was screaming things to me (in German, but you wouldn't understand, so I write it in English):
"Sarah, you bitch. Fucking rockstars all the time? Fuck you bitch, you still owe me a round!" I first didn't recognize him but after that I knew who it was: Tom, my ex-boyfriend who tried to rape me.
I started to yell at him "Shut the fuck up. I didn't fuck him you asshole. And get the hell out of my life! I hate you." With that I hung up the phone. I collapsed crying. All the memories and fears came back to me.
How did he get my number? I changed it after that night in the park so how the hell did he find out my number?
Then I heard footsteps. Billie must have heard my yelling and crying. "Sarah? Are you OK?" he asked on his way upstairs. I ran to the mirror and tried to wipe away me tears. He entered the room.
"Sarah? What's wrong?" he asked.
"Uhm, nothing. A fly flew in my eyes." I lied.
"Let me see" he came over and looked into my eyes. "Well, there's nothing. Why were you yelling?"
I couldn't answer him. I didn't want him to know. I don't know why but I felt ashamed. I ran downstairs and out of the house. I couldn't stand it. I didn't want to cry in front of Billie.
I ran down the street not knowing where to go. That was so typical of me, I thought, running away from problems. I did it my entire life. I sat down on the pavement and cried. I felt so stupid for running away. I hated myself. I looked up to see where I actually was. In the distance I saw the beach, so I went there. I sat in the sand and watched the ocean. Barely any people were at the beach today. Probably because they had to work.
Why did I have to run away? Why did I lie to Billie? Why couldn't I tell him Tom called? Why? Why? Why? I'm such a stupid dumbass. I buried my head in my hands and cried.
*Billies POV*
Billie ran after her but she was way ahead. I went back to the house and called Mel.
"Mel, I need your help, please!" Billie yelled
"Calm down, calm down, what happened?" Mel asked.
"Sarah, I heard her yelling and went to see what was going on but she didn't tell. I can tell she cried but she denied it. Then she ran away. I couldn't catch her. Do you know why she ran away?"
"No, not at all. She told me yesterday at the beach that she loves you."
"Can you guys help me finding her?"
"Yes, of course. We'll be there in about half an hour. Bye"
Billie then also called Tré who wanted to help as well.
About half an hour later:
"I hope she didn't get lost. She has a bad sense of direction" Mel said.
"In which direction did she run?" Mike asked.
"Down the street." Billie answered.
"But why the hell would she run away?" Tré wondered.
Billie told them about the argument they had because of Adrienne. "But we made it up so it couldn't be that" Billie said.
They decided to go out and look for her. Everyone took another direction. Mel went with Mike, and Billie went with Tré.
*Mel's POV*
"Do you really have no idea what could be wrong with her?" Mike asked Mel.
"No, she seemed happy. But she always runs away from problems." Mel said.
"Where could she be?" Mike asked.
Mel thought for a moment. Then something came to her mind.
"She once told me that when she wants to be alone she goes to lonely places where she can think without people running around her." Mel said.
"I know where she could be." Mike said and grabbed Mels hand.
"Where are we going?" Mel asked
"Well she doesn't know many places here - except from one. And that place IS lonely, especially in the week."
"The beach?"
"Yeah, lets go."
They ran as fast as they could. It was already getting dark outside.
*Billie's POV*
Billie and Tré walked through the entire city. They were in parks and cafés and every place they could think of. Since it started to get dark outside Billie started to worry.
*Sarah's POV*
I just couldn't stop crying. Some people were passing by and saying things like "Poor girl" or "what a pity". I didn't care what they thought about me. Then I noticed that it had gotten dark. Fuck. How should I find back? Billie must be worried, I thought. Again, I started hating myself. For a moment I stopped crying because in the distance I saw someone walking who looked just like Billie. But when the person came nearer I realized it wasn't him. I started crying again.
Then someone tapped on my shoulder and hugged me. "Sarah, what the fuck?" it was Mel.
I turned around and saw Mike with her. Mike instantly grabbed his cell phone and called Billie.
"Hey Billie, we found her... Nah, don't worry... She's at the beach." Mike put his phone in his pockets and hugged me.
"Shhh, stop crying." he said. I was so lucky they found me but so scared of what Billie would say or think.
"What happened?" Mel asked.
I couldn't tell her what happened. She didn't know about what Tom did to me. Only Billie knew. Mel looked at me worried. She was my best friend for more than ten years. Why couldn't I just tell her? Finally I did. I told her and Mike everything that happened.
"Oh, I'm so sorry" Mike said hugging me.
"He's a stupid fuck. I always knew it. He always said stupid things to me after your break-up that I didn't understand. But now I know. I'm so sorry Sarah." she said hugging me.
Then Mike said: "Sarah, look!" and pointed to two figures in the distance, running in our direction: Billie and Tré. I was so happy to see Billie. But I was scared of his reaction. Would he understand?
