Would You Be Mine?, chapter 19
Recap
The doctor talked to me a little and then examined me. After that we had to wait a little until we were called into his office.
"Please take a seat" he said pointing to the chairs in front of his desk.
End recap
"OK Mrs, Miller. All in all you're fine. You have some wounds but no inner injuries. But there is one thing... " he said looking like 'business as usual'
I felt a cold shiver running down my spine. I squeezed Billie's and again who tried to look confident.
"You're pregnant" he said.
I thought I got something wrong. I couldn't be pregnant. No! Not from Tom! I looked at Billie who was shocked as well. He didn't know what to say.
"I don't know if I should congratulate you or not. You better sleep a night over it and clear your thoughts and we'll se each other tomorrow, OK?" he said giving me his hand.
"OK" I said not knowing what else to say.
The drive back was completely silent. No one said something. When I entered Billie's house everything came crushing down on me.
"No, I can't be pregnant of Tom. No, I can't." Billie came behind me and stroke my back.
"Shhh... It's OK. You don't have to keep it" he said rubbing me back.
I looked at him. "But it's a child. It has a right to live. You can't blame it for what Tom did. And besides, what if it's yours? We had sex as well." I cried.
"But we used a condom. It's unlikely that it's mine." he said grabbing me and sitting me on the couch. "Think about it. I'll be on your side if you want to keep it. And I'll be on your side if you don't. No matter what. I love you" he said kissing my lips.
I smiled and returned the kiss. It felt so good. We haven't kissed since before our argument. I felt like all my fears were gone.
"Hold me Billie" I said cuddling up to him.
He wrapped his arms around me and held me for what seemed like hours. I closed my eyes and a tear dropped down my cheek.
"I don't want to keep it" I whispered to myself. Billie noticed I said something.
"What?" he asked
"Nothing. I was just thinking out loud" I said
"What were you thinking?" he asked
"Billie, if I have an abortion does that mean that I've killed my baby?" I asked in a childish, but serious way
"No, it's not that big and I don't think it'll be good for a child to have a rapist as father even though he wouldn't meet him. You know what I mean?"
"I know. The child has to live with the fact that nobody actually wanted him or her. I mean I would love it like a 'normal' kid but never the less it's not a good condition for a child. And it would remind me of him. No, I can't keep the child" I said looking up to Billie.
"Let's wait until tomorrow with your final decision, OK? You wanna go somewhere?" he asked
"Can we go to the beach? Maybe we can call Mel and all to join us?" I asked.
"Sure" Billie said kissing me lightly on the lips. I didn't feel like spending the day at home though it wasn't actually my home.
I changed into my bikini and Billie did the same (well not in a bikini, you know *g*)
"No way!" Mel screamed. "What a bastard. He made you pregnant? Oh my god. You're not keeping it, are you?"
I had just told them what the doctor said.
"I don't know. I mean it has a right to live, hasn't it? I mean, it's not the baby's fault. But I think I couldn't stand it looking into the baby's eyes. I mean it would remind me of Tom." I said looking at my feet.
"I know. It's a tough decision. But I won't keep it" said Tré. Wow, Tré being serious. What a unique moment.
"Well, I mean, I don't have breasts and there is something hanging between my legs so it would be difficult for me to give birth to that kid." OK, I was too hasty. There Tré the clown was back. Everyone laughed at his remark. He knows how to cheer you up. He really is special.
"And you're sure it's not Billie's?" Mike asked concerned.
"No, we used a condom, so it's very unlikely" I said. Everyone stared at me.
"Aha, so you did it?" Mel asked with a cheeky smile.
I smiled which was answer enough. Billie leaned over and kissed me.
"Lovebirds... " Tré said almost singing.
In the evening Adrienne visited us. Billie was a little disappointed that se didn't brought Joey and Jakob but Adrienne said he could have the kids over the next weekend. Adrienne then asked how I feel. She was very nice to me and you could tell that she felt sorry. After all I think she liked me. Adrienne asked if I maybe want to talk to her in private and I was really happy I could talk to someone who is more neutral than Billie or Mel since she wasn't involved in all this.
Adrienne said that if she was in my situation she would not keep the child. But she had another idea.
"You know Sarah, there is another option."
I looked at her wondering what she was up to.
"You know I think the baby still has a right to live. You could give birth to the child and then give it to foster parents. I mean there a many couples out there who desperately want a child but aren't able to have one. You could choose a very nice one, maybe a doctor or something, and they would love the child maybe even more that you would ever be able to." she said smiling at me.
I thought for a second. Maybe she was right. I felt so bad at the thought of killing my child. I would hate myself forever if I kill the baby. She was right the baby has a right to live. It's not the baby's fault that his father was such a dickhead.
Adrienne then said goodbye. "You can call me anytime, OK?" she said kissing my cheek.
"Thank you"
After Adrienne had gone I talked to Billie. I told him what Adrienne had told me. He looked a little surprised.
"Whatever you do, it's fine by me. Just listen to your heart. But if you ask me I think it's actually not a bad idea." he said and smiled.
I called my parents and talked with them about it and after that with Mel. Everyone said that this would be the best thing to do so this was my decision: I'm gonna keep the baby. Only one thing was important: Tom must never know that he will have a baby because he would want to see it.
Besides the baby there was another tough thing ahead of me: the trial. Billie went with me to the police station and I told them what I remembered though it was tough. After that Billie told them what he saw when he found me and what happened. Everyone wanted a fast trial, also because of the baby. Otherwise Tom would see that I was pregnant.
Three days later the trial started. It was set for three days. I was very nervous but luckily Billie was on my side.
First Tom denied everything and said that I wanted him to do it. He said I called him as soon as Billie was out of the house and invited him for a little sex party. I cried. I couldn't believe that he lies like that. Billie took my hand and said I should try not to cry because that's what Tom wants to see. So I stopped crying. My lawyer was very good and he convicted Tom of lying.
After the three days of trial the court pronounced their sentence.
The doctor talked to me a little and then examined me. After that we had to wait a little until we were called into his office.
"Please take a seat" he said pointing to the chairs in front of his desk.
End recap
"OK Mrs, Miller. All in all you're fine. You have some wounds but no inner injuries. But there is one thing... " he said looking like 'business as usual'
I felt a cold shiver running down my spine. I squeezed Billie's and again who tried to look confident.
"You're pregnant" he said.
I thought I got something wrong. I couldn't be pregnant. No! Not from Tom! I looked at Billie who was shocked as well. He didn't know what to say.
"I don't know if I should congratulate you or not. You better sleep a night over it and clear your thoughts and we'll se each other tomorrow, OK?" he said giving me his hand.
"OK" I said not knowing what else to say.
The drive back was completely silent. No one said something. When I entered Billie's house everything came crushing down on me.
"No, I can't be pregnant of Tom. No, I can't." Billie came behind me and stroke my back.
"Shhh... It's OK. You don't have to keep it" he said rubbing me back.
I looked at him. "But it's a child. It has a right to live. You can't blame it for what Tom did. And besides, what if it's yours? We had sex as well." I cried.
"But we used a condom. It's unlikely that it's mine." he said grabbing me and sitting me on the couch. "Think about it. I'll be on your side if you want to keep it. And I'll be on your side if you don't. No matter what. I love you" he said kissing my lips.
I smiled and returned the kiss. It felt so good. We haven't kissed since before our argument. I felt like all my fears were gone.
"Hold me Billie" I said cuddling up to him.
He wrapped his arms around me and held me for what seemed like hours. I closed my eyes and a tear dropped down my cheek.
"I don't want to keep it" I whispered to myself. Billie noticed I said something.
"What?" he asked
"Nothing. I was just thinking out loud" I said
"What were you thinking?" he asked
"Billie, if I have an abortion does that mean that I've killed my baby?" I asked in a childish, but serious way
"No, it's not that big and I don't think it'll be good for a child to have a rapist as father even though he wouldn't meet him. You know what I mean?"
"I know. The child has to live with the fact that nobody actually wanted him or her. I mean I would love it like a 'normal' kid but never the less it's not a good condition for a child. And it would remind me of him. No, I can't keep the child" I said looking up to Billie.
"Let's wait until tomorrow with your final decision, OK? You wanna go somewhere?" he asked
"Can we go to the beach? Maybe we can call Mel and all to join us?" I asked.
"Sure" Billie said kissing me lightly on the lips. I didn't feel like spending the day at home though it wasn't actually my home.
I changed into my bikini and Billie did the same (well not in a bikini, you know *g*)
"No way!" Mel screamed. "What a bastard. He made you pregnant? Oh my god. You're not keeping it, are you?"
I had just told them what the doctor said.
"I don't know. I mean it has a right to live, hasn't it? I mean, it's not the baby's fault. But I think I couldn't stand it looking into the baby's eyes. I mean it would remind me of Tom." I said looking at my feet.
"I know. It's a tough decision. But I won't keep it" said Tré. Wow, Tré being serious. What a unique moment.
"Well, I mean, I don't have breasts and there is something hanging between my legs so it would be difficult for me to give birth to that kid." OK, I was too hasty. There Tré the clown was back. Everyone laughed at his remark. He knows how to cheer you up. He really is special.
"And you're sure it's not Billie's?" Mike asked concerned.
"No, we used a condom, so it's very unlikely" I said. Everyone stared at me.
"Aha, so you did it?" Mel asked with a cheeky smile.
I smiled which was answer enough. Billie leaned over and kissed me.
"Lovebirds... " Tré said almost singing.
In the evening Adrienne visited us. Billie was a little disappointed that se didn't brought Joey and Jakob but Adrienne said he could have the kids over the next weekend. Adrienne then asked how I feel. She was very nice to me and you could tell that she felt sorry. After all I think she liked me. Adrienne asked if I maybe want to talk to her in private and I was really happy I could talk to someone who is more neutral than Billie or Mel since she wasn't involved in all this.
Adrienne said that if she was in my situation she would not keep the child. But she had another idea.
"You know Sarah, there is another option."
I looked at her wondering what she was up to.
"You know I think the baby still has a right to live. You could give birth to the child and then give it to foster parents. I mean there a many couples out there who desperately want a child but aren't able to have one. You could choose a very nice one, maybe a doctor or something, and they would love the child maybe even more that you would ever be able to." she said smiling at me.
I thought for a second. Maybe she was right. I felt so bad at the thought of killing my child. I would hate myself forever if I kill the baby. She was right the baby has a right to live. It's not the baby's fault that his father was such a dickhead.
Adrienne then said goodbye. "You can call me anytime, OK?" she said kissing my cheek.
"Thank you"
After Adrienne had gone I talked to Billie. I told him what Adrienne had told me. He looked a little surprised.
"Whatever you do, it's fine by me. Just listen to your heart. But if you ask me I think it's actually not a bad idea." he said and smiled.
I called my parents and talked with them about it and after that with Mel. Everyone said that this would be the best thing to do so this was my decision: I'm gonna keep the baby. Only one thing was important: Tom must never know that he will have a baby because he would want to see it.
Besides the baby there was another tough thing ahead of me: the trial. Billie went with me to the police station and I told them what I remembered though it was tough. After that Billie told them what he saw when he found me and what happened. Everyone wanted a fast trial, also because of the baby. Otherwise Tom would see that I was pregnant.
Three days later the trial started. It was set for three days. I was very nervous but luckily Billie was on my side.
First Tom denied everything and said that I wanted him to do it. He said I called him as soon as Billie was out of the house and invited him for a little sex party. I cried. I couldn't believe that he lies like that. Billie took my hand and said I should try not to cry because that's what Tom wants to see. So I stopped crying. My lawyer was very good and he convicted Tom of lying.
After the three days of trial the court pronounced their sentence.
