Why Not?, chapter 1
Cretin Hop by The Ramones was playing. I always noticed the music in this place. Again, I was sitting in the half coffee shop, half record store. Sitting in the same place I always do, the black and green couch. I don't know why I keep coming here, alone.
There was a cold breeze from outside, someone had opened the door. It was him. The one, my one. He didn't even look my way.
I started picking at the remnants of yellow nail polish. How long had it been? Why would he come here? Did he know I would be here?
I turned back and watched him walk around, browsing. What should I do? When should I do it? Would it be too late?
I got up and returned my mug to the counter. Why couldn't I talk to him?
Our eyes met. I started shaking and held onto the counter for my life. He dropped a tape and came over.
The song ended, and London Calling started.
He threw his arms around me. "Oh, shit, I'm so sorry, don't be mad, please don't hate me. I'll explain everything, ok?" He stopped and looked at me. I felt my eyes water. How was he going to explain?
"Come on." He led me back to the couch where I was sitting before. "You want anything?" I shook my head. "Never mind," he was holding my hands. I love it when he does that. "you, you, I still love you."
"You do?" I said shocked.
"Yea, when we were gone... I need to tell you everything. You wanna stay here? No, you wanna go to the park?" He was throwing all these things together, and it made me so confused.
"Sure." I had stopped shaking. I wanted him to tell me everything.
"Come on." We left the coffee shop/record store and got in his car. The same red Ford he'd always had. "I'll explain everything, but I don't want you to get mad. I still love you. I love you so much, and I've been a mess ever--"
"Can you just let me think for a second?"
"Yea, sorry."
What am I supposed to do now? I want to take him back. I need him. I've been a mess ever since he left, everything seemed to go downhill since then. But he left for almost half a year without ever calling, writing, anything.
We pulled up to the park. Why did I agree to come here? It's freezing outside. He got out of the car and opened the door for me.
"Ready?"
"Yea." We walked to a bench, holding hands. It felt so safe, but awkward at the same time. Why did he do this to me? Why would he have a reason to?
"Do you just want me to tell you what happened?"
"Yes, why did you just leave like that? And why didn't you call, or write? What the fuck were you thinking?" I yelled.
"I would've called, but when we left I wasn't sure if we wanted to stay together."
"Don't give me that bullshit."
"Well, maybe you felt that way, but sometimes I wasn't sure of myself, or us."
"So you just stopped talking to me? You think that was going to fix your problem?"
"I just thought, it was over." he sighed ashamed.
"But it wasn't. And now you still love me?"
"Yea, of course. We were gone for 4 months, and it was the worst 4 months of my life. I kept wanting to talk to you, and be with you, but after I realized what I did, I was afraid of what you'd say."
"So you just left to another country, another continent, and didn't keep in touch?"
"I don't know what I was thinking. All we did was drive from place to place, and play. Its all a blur of concerts and bars."
"So you drove around, played, and went out drinking all night? Were you fucking other girls too? Since you thought it was over?"
"Hell no, that's what made it horrible. Everything was taunting me, but all I wanted was you."
"Don't you fucking lie to me." I was in tears again.
"Jamie..." he put his arms around me. It felt so good. Like he would never do anything wrong.
"Oh Mike, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I just..."
"I know, it's ok."
There was a cold breeze from outside, someone had opened the door. It was him. The one, my one. He didn't even look my way.
I started picking at the remnants of yellow nail polish. How long had it been? Why would he come here? Did he know I would be here?
I turned back and watched him walk around, browsing. What should I do? When should I do it? Would it be too late?
I got up and returned my mug to the counter. Why couldn't I talk to him?
Our eyes met. I started shaking and held onto the counter for my life. He dropped a tape and came over.
The song ended, and London Calling started.
He threw his arms around me. "Oh, shit, I'm so sorry, don't be mad, please don't hate me. I'll explain everything, ok?" He stopped and looked at me. I felt my eyes water. How was he going to explain?
"Come on." He led me back to the couch where I was sitting before. "You want anything?" I shook my head. "Never mind," he was holding my hands. I love it when he does that. "you, you, I still love you."
"You do?" I said shocked.
"Yea, when we were gone... I need to tell you everything. You wanna stay here? No, you wanna go to the park?" He was throwing all these things together, and it made me so confused.
"Sure." I had stopped shaking. I wanted him to tell me everything.
"Come on." We left the coffee shop/record store and got in his car. The same red Ford he'd always had. "I'll explain everything, but I don't want you to get mad. I still love you. I love you so much, and I've been a mess ever--"
"Can you just let me think for a second?"
"Yea, sorry."
What am I supposed to do now? I want to take him back. I need him. I've been a mess ever since he left, everything seemed to go downhill since then. But he left for almost half a year without ever calling, writing, anything.
We pulled up to the park. Why did I agree to come here? It's freezing outside. He got out of the car and opened the door for me.
"Ready?"
"Yea." We walked to a bench, holding hands. It felt so safe, but awkward at the same time. Why did he do this to me? Why would he have a reason to?
"Do you just want me to tell you what happened?"
"Yes, why did you just leave like that? And why didn't you call, or write? What the fuck were you thinking?" I yelled.
"I would've called, but when we left I wasn't sure if we wanted to stay together."
"Don't give me that bullshit."
"Well, maybe you felt that way, but sometimes I wasn't sure of myself, or us."
"So you just stopped talking to me? You think that was going to fix your problem?"
"I just thought, it was over." he sighed ashamed.
"But it wasn't. And now you still love me?"
"Yea, of course. We were gone for 4 months, and it was the worst 4 months of my life. I kept wanting to talk to you, and be with you, but after I realized what I did, I was afraid of what you'd say."
"So you just left to another country, another continent, and didn't keep in touch?"
"I don't know what I was thinking. All we did was drive from place to place, and play. Its all a blur of concerts and bars."
"So you drove around, played, and went out drinking all night? Were you fucking other girls too? Since you thought it was over?"
"Hell no, that's what made it horrible. Everything was taunting me, but all I wanted was you."
"Don't you fucking lie to me." I was in tears again.
"Jamie..." he put his arms around me. It felt so good. Like he would never do anything wrong.
"Oh Mike, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I just..."
"I know, it's ok."
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