Words That We Couldn’t Say, chapter 1
[u]Mike's POV[/u]<br><br>
That's when I saw them, lips locked for what seemed like forever, until she noticed me. He pulled away, and she laughed. I could tell that Billie Joe was feeling totally uneasy, with me having seen him kiss Adrienne. They were dating, it was obvious. They probably had been dating for weeks, but I never understood their glances, their smiles. Maybe I didn't want to, after all. <br><br>
"Sorry" I simply said with a smile. <br>
I could tell that Billie was begging me not to leave. He wanted to talk. But what could we possibly talk about? If he didn't want me to leave, then he must have known all along. He wanted to apologize, to say he didn't mean to hurt me. Then why? Why did he want her? <br><br>
I shrugged, and walked away. I didn't want to meet the girl's eyes. I was feeling terribly dizzy, and I had a sick feeling in my stomach. I decided to go get a beer in the tour bus when I met Tré along the way. <br><br>
"Y'all right, man?" he asked, and tilted his head to examine my face. <br>
I nodded, but couldn't manage to say anything. Various thoughts were racing in my head. What if Tré learned about it? I knew exactly what would happen. He'd run to Billie, telling him how much he loved him. What if Billie loved him back, somehow? I didn't want that. I didn't want Billie to fall for Tré. That would be too much to bear. I tried to pretend, to lie to myself and said that it was better kept as a secret, and that I didn't want Tré to be hurt. But, in fact, I wanted to see him hurt. I wanted him to feel the pain I felt at that moment, when I saw Billie in the arms of a woman. But, most of all, I wanted to make sure that he wouldn't get him. I knew I was a sick bastard, but hell - I couldn't feel much worse. <br><br>
"What's wrong?" Tré asked again. This time, he looked worried. "Y'got ditched or what?" <br>
"Ditched", I repeted numbly. The word stabbed me. I had to tell him. He had to know. <br> "Tré, Billie has..." <br><br>
"Michael fuckin' Pritchard!" a voice yelled behind me. <br>
What did he want? I already had enough. <br><br>
"What the fuck is going on here...?" Tré asked rather calmly for the situation. <br>
"Maybe you should tell him too!" I yelled, pointing at Tré. <br>
"Tell me what? What's wrong, Bill?" <br>
"Mike, listen. I'm sorry, I should have told you before. I'm not... That way." <br>
"Not that way? Oh, come on! Why now? Didn't we... I mean, didn't that mean anything to you? Didn't you say that..." <br><br>
"Shut up already" Tré whispered, his staring at his feet. "Just shut up." <br>
We stopped, and stood still for a second. Tré looked at me, his eyes filled with tears. He had understood. <br>
"Why did you lie, Mike?" His voice was shaking, but it was not anger. He found out a friend betrayed him. I knew exactly how it felt. <br>
"I never..." <br>
"You said there was nothing between you guys!" he yelled, now crying. The beer bottle he held came hitting me in the chest. <br>
"Fuck, Tré!" I shouted, trying to catch my breath. <br>
"Mike didn't lie" Billie Joe muttered. "There's strictly nothing between us." <br><br>
[u]Tré's POV[/u]<br><br>
I was confused, and my sight was blurry. I was ashamed of myself. How could I love someone so much, yet be able to hate him? I had to stay, to hear everything. There was nothing between them, and that was quite a relief. If so, then why...? <br>
"Of course not" Mike said, biting is bottom lip. He was furious. "It was just pretend all along..." <br><br>
Then I understood all at once. I suddenly knew why Mike couldn't sleep at night, why he gave me that dirty look when I talked about him. And I knew why he didn't want a girlfriend. He already loved someone. <br>
"Mike, try to understand, goddammit! It meant nothing! I thought it was clear between us!" <br>
'It meant nothing', he had said. What meant nothing?... I didn't want to know. <br>
Mike turned around to face me. <br>
"You weren't supposed to hear that" he simply said. "That's not what Billie had to tell us, now is it, Bill?" <br>
I looked at Billie. He was nervous. <br>
"Adrienne" he said, and paused. He took a deep breath. "I love Adrienne very much, and I'm gonna marry her." <br>
Instinctively, I looked at Mike. I could see from his expression that he wasn't expecting that at all. <br>
"Marry her?" he even repeated. "Come on, you can't be serious!" <br>
"I am" he said. <br>
It took me a moment to realize what he had said. Married? To Adrienne Nesser? <br>
"You can't!" I finally screamed. It was too much. I could see from the corner of my eye that Mike had anticipated my reaction. <br>
"And why can't I?!" Billie Joe screamed even louder. "Why can't I get married, while you sleep with every groupie on tour?!" <br>
"This isn't about me, Billie!" I was trying to yell at him, but my throat was too dry. "This has nothing to do with me. Billie, I've been loving you for what, two whole fuckin' years now? Did you even bother? No, you were too selfish! You think that you'll get away with it? No way!" I started crying again. "I won't let you! I'll never let you get married, you hear me? Never!" <br>
I ran toward him, punching him in the stomach, but I was weak. He placed his arms around my shoulders, while I was still desperately trying to hit him. <br>
I finally gave up, and rested my head on his chest. I knew Mike had left; I heard the door slam shut. Between my sobs, I could hear Billie Joe trying to comfort me, though the words seemed awfully distant. However, at one point, there was something I heard distinctively:<br>
"I did it for us, Tré."
That's when I saw them, lips locked for what seemed like forever, until she noticed me. He pulled away, and she laughed. I could tell that Billie Joe was feeling totally uneasy, with me having seen him kiss Adrienne. They were dating, it was obvious. They probably had been dating for weeks, but I never understood their glances, their smiles. Maybe I didn't want to, after all. <br><br>
"Sorry" I simply said with a smile. <br>
I could tell that Billie was begging me not to leave. He wanted to talk. But what could we possibly talk about? If he didn't want me to leave, then he must have known all along. He wanted to apologize, to say he didn't mean to hurt me. Then why? Why did he want her? <br><br>
I shrugged, and walked away. I didn't want to meet the girl's eyes. I was feeling terribly dizzy, and I had a sick feeling in my stomach. I decided to go get a beer in the tour bus when I met Tré along the way. <br><br>
"Y'all right, man?" he asked, and tilted his head to examine my face. <br>
I nodded, but couldn't manage to say anything. Various thoughts were racing in my head. What if Tré learned about it? I knew exactly what would happen. He'd run to Billie, telling him how much he loved him. What if Billie loved him back, somehow? I didn't want that. I didn't want Billie to fall for Tré. That would be too much to bear. I tried to pretend, to lie to myself and said that it was better kept as a secret, and that I didn't want Tré to be hurt. But, in fact, I wanted to see him hurt. I wanted him to feel the pain I felt at that moment, when I saw Billie in the arms of a woman. But, most of all, I wanted to make sure that he wouldn't get him. I knew I was a sick bastard, but hell - I couldn't feel much worse. <br><br>
"What's wrong?" Tré asked again. This time, he looked worried. "Y'got ditched or what?" <br>
"Ditched", I repeted numbly. The word stabbed me. I had to tell him. He had to know. <br> "Tré, Billie has..." <br><br>
"Michael fuckin' Pritchard!" a voice yelled behind me. <br>
What did he want? I already had enough. <br><br>
"What the fuck is going on here...?" Tré asked rather calmly for the situation. <br>
"Maybe you should tell him too!" I yelled, pointing at Tré. <br>
"Tell me what? What's wrong, Bill?" <br>
"Mike, listen. I'm sorry, I should have told you before. I'm not... That way." <br>
"Not that way? Oh, come on! Why now? Didn't we... I mean, didn't that mean anything to you? Didn't you say that..." <br><br>
"Shut up already" Tré whispered, his staring at his feet. "Just shut up." <br>
We stopped, and stood still for a second. Tré looked at me, his eyes filled with tears. He had understood. <br>
"Why did you lie, Mike?" His voice was shaking, but it was not anger. He found out a friend betrayed him. I knew exactly how it felt. <br>
"I never..." <br>
"You said there was nothing between you guys!" he yelled, now crying. The beer bottle he held came hitting me in the chest. <br>
"Fuck, Tré!" I shouted, trying to catch my breath. <br>
"Mike didn't lie" Billie Joe muttered. "There's strictly nothing between us." <br><br>
[u]Tré's POV[/u]<br><br>
I was confused, and my sight was blurry. I was ashamed of myself. How could I love someone so much, yet be able to hate him? I had to stay, to hear everything. There was nothing between them, and that was quite a relief. If so, then why...? <br>
"Of course not" Mike said, biting is bottom lip. He was furious. "It was just pretend all along..." <br><br>
Then I understood all at once. I suddenly knew why Mike couldn't sleep at night, why he gave me that dirty look when I talked about him. And I knew why he didn't want a girlfriend. He already loved someone. <br>
"Mike, try to understand, goddammit! It meant nothing! I thought it was clear between us!" <br>
'It meant nothing', he had said. What meant nothing?... I didn't want to know. <br>
Mike turned around to face me. <br>
"You weren't supposed to hear that" he simply said. "That's not what Billie had to tell us, now is it, Bill?" <br>
I looked at Billie. He was nervous. <br>
"Adrienne" he said, and paused. He took a deep breath. "I love Adrienne very much, and I'm gonna marry her." <br>
Instinctively, I looked at Mike. I could see from his expression that he wasn't expecting that at all. <br>
"Marry her?" he even repeated. "Come on, you can't be serious!" <br>
"I am" he said. <br>
It took me a moment to realize what he had said. Married? To Adrienne Nesser? <br>
"You can't!" I finally screamed. It was too much. I could see from the corner of my eye that Mike had anticipated my reaction. <br>
"And why can't I?!" Billie Joe screamed even louder. "Why can't I get married, while you sleep with every groupie on tour?!" <br>
"This isn't about me, Billie!" I was trying to yell at him, but my throat was too dry. "This has nothing to do with me. Billie, I've been loving you for what, two whole fuckin' years now? Did you even bother? No, you were too selfish! You think that you'll get away with it? No way!" I started crying again. "I won't let you! I'll never let you get married, you hear me? Never!" <br>
I ran toward him, punching him in the stomach, but I was weak. He placed his arms around my shoulders, while I was still desperately trying to hit him. <br>
I finally gave up, and rested my head on his chest. I knew Mike had left; I heard the door slam shut. Between my sobs, I could hear Billie Joe trying to comfort me, though the words seemed awfully distant. However, at one point, there was something I heard distinctively:<br>
"I did it for us, Tré."
