A Handful of Pixie Dust (Sequel to The Art of Survival), chapter 7
Bethan stood in front of the mirror brushing her hair and staring at her reflection. She dropped her hand in mid-brush and let her shoulders slump. "You must be crazy." she told herself.
A week had passed since her conversation with Adrienne and the only thing she had thought about was Rhys. It was true that she still felt something for him. He had been her first love and no one forgets their first love. No matter what they do to you.
It didn't really help that Rhys kept making frequent and frantic phone calls to Bethan's mobile under his favourite identity, "Number Withheld." His calls were stormed with apologies and desperate explanations all until Bethan hung up. Yet, like listening to a painful song repeated on the radio, Bethan found she had memorised his speeches to the extent she agreed to meet him to talk about things.
"You are definitely out of your mind." Bethan told herself turning away from her reflection. She knew what she had to do. Her mobile phone glared at her with unfaltering determination. She only had to pick it up, call Rhys and cancel. Or just not turn up at all. It was simple.
Bethan stared back at her phone then stepped forward to take her coat from her bed, cursing her lack of courage.
***
As Bethan neared the park bench, she could see Rhys sat gazing into the horizon. His expression was puckered with concentration like he was drawing the words he was meant to say from it.
Bethan watched Rhys for a while knowing this could be her last chance to walk away. On the verge of confidence, she went to turn but Rhys caught sight of her and her strength melted in his eyes. "Damn me for being so weak." she mumbled to herself, walking towards Rhys who stepped forward to hug her. "Don't touch me." Bethan said forcefully. Rhys faltered and stumbled back into his seat.
"Thanks for coming." Rhys mumbled.
Bethan said nothing. She just sat down on the opposite end of the bench as far away from Rhys as she could get. Rhys looked around him, confusion set in his eyes. "Where's Nia?" he asked.
"She's at my mum's," Bethan answered. "You didn't think I'd bring her with me, did you?"
Rhys looked down at the floor, a melancholy shadow draped over his face. Bethan pressed her lips together and tried to remain strong. It was an instinctive decision she had made from the beginning that Nia wouldn't be at this meeting. It'd just be too confusing for her. So Bethan had left her with Mandy, grudgingly, but it had to be done. She hadn't told Adrienne or Green Day she was doing this. She knew they wouldn't completely understand why. Thinking about it, Bethan didn't completely understand either.
Rhys raised his head. "But she's my daughter." he said pleadingly.
"And she doesn't even know you, Rhys," Bethan retorted. "And do you wanna know why? Because the whole five years of her life you never came around to see her. She must think I created her by myself."
"Don't be like this." Rhys pleaded.
"How else am I supposed to be?" Bethan asked. "Did you expect me to come here with open arms and let you into my daughter's life?"
"No. But I expected you to be a bit more understanding. I didn't know if you'd had the baby or not, did I?"
"No and you made it blatant that you didn't care either. You moved away as soon as you knew it existed so don't play like you were kept in the shadows, Rhys. You put yourself there because you couldn't face up to what you'd done."
Rhys studied his hand which were clamped in his lap. "I didn't mean to," he whispered. "I never meant for it to happen."
"Then why did it?" Bethan pressed. "Tell me, because I've been asking myself this for the past five years and I can't get any answers."
Rhys looked up at peered into Bethan's eyes taking in her anger and iron will with a sigh. "I did it because I loved you, Bethan."
"No, Rhys," Bethan argued. "When you love someone you don't rape them and leave them for dead to raise the pieces."
"I was just a kid." Rhys persisted.
"So was I," Bethan added. "But I had to grow up pretty damn fast." She eyed Rhys coldly. "It seems you still have to."
"Why do you have to be like this?" Rhys demanded, his eyes springing up at the nip at his pride.
"Because it's the truth and you know it, Rhys. You just don't want to face up to it. If you really want to be a part of Nia's life, you can start with child support. Something you've never bothered with before."
Rhys opened his mouth to argue but spotted the danger in Bethan's eyes and stopped. She was right. She had changed. And he wasn't sure if he liked what he saw now.
Bethan sensed this change in attitude and bristled. "Don't look at me in that way," she ordered quietly. "I'm not the one in the wrong here. If you want to be a part of Nia's life, you should have decided sooner and stuck by me like anyone with a speck of decency would have done. Instead you just came from nowhere and expected me to open up and let you in again. Well I can't, Rhys. I have a daughter now and I have to look out for her. I just don't know if I can let you near her. I don't know if I can trust you anymore."
"But this is my fucking daughter we're talking about! You can't stop me from seeing her!" Rhys exploded.
"Yes, I can," Bethan corrected, standing up. "And I will. If and when Nia wants to see you, she will. Until then, it's best for you to stay away and stop calling."
"But that could be ages yet!" Rhys protested.
"So wait. You seem to be pretty good at it." With that, Bethan spun around and marched back home.
A week had passed since her conversation with Adrienne and the only thing she had thought about was Rhys. It was true that she still felt something for him. He had been her first love and no one forgets their first love. No matter what they do to you.
It didn't really help that Rhys kept making frequent and frantic phone calls to Bethan's mobile under his favourite identity, "Number Withheld." His calls were stormed with apologies and desperate explanations all until Bethan hung up. Yet, like listening to a painful song repeated on the radio, Bethan found she had memorised his speeches to the extent she agreed to meet him to talk about things.
"You are definitely out of your mind." Bethan told herself turning away from her reflection. She knew what she had to do. Her mobile phone glared at her with unfaltering determination. She only had to pick it up, call Rhys and cancel. Or just not turn up at all. It was simple.
Bethan stared back at her phone then stepped forward to take her coat from her bed, cursing her lack of courage.
***
As Bethan neared the park bench, she could see Rhys sat gazing into the horizon. His expression was puckered with concentration like he was drawing the words he was meant to say from it.
Bethan watched Rhys for a while knowing this could be her last chance to walk away. On the verge of confidence, she went to turn but Rhys caught sight of her and her strength melted in his eyes. "Damn me for being so weak." she mumbled to herself, walking towards Rhys who stepped forward to hug her. "Don't touch me." Bethan said forcefully. Rhys faltered and stumbled back into his seat.
"Thanks for coming." Rhys mumbled.
Bethan said nothing. She just sat down on the opposite end of the bench as far away from Rhys as she could get. Rhys looked around him, confusion set in his eyes. "Where's Nia?" he asked.
"She's at my mum's," Bethan answered. "You didn't think I'd bring her with me, did you?"
Rhys looked down at the floor, a melancholy shadow draped over his face. Bethan pressed her lips together and tried to remain strong. It was an instinctive decision she had made from the beginning that Nia wouldn't be at this meeting. It'd just be too confusing for her. So Bethan had left her with Mandy, grudgingly, but it had to be done. She hadn't told Adrienne or Green Day she was doing this. She knew they wouldn't completely understand why. Thinking about it, Bethan didn't completely understand either.
Rhys raised his head. "But she's my daughter." he said pleadingly.
"And she doesn't even know you, Rhys," Bethan retorted. "And do you wanna know why? Because the whole five years of her life you never came around to see her. She must think I created her by myself."
"Don't be like this." Rhys pleaded.
"How else am I supposed to be?" Bethan asked. "Did you expect me to come here with open arms and let you into my daughter's life?"
"No. But I expected you to be a bit more understanding. I didn't know if you'd had the baby or not, did I?"
"No and you made it blatant that you didn't care either. You moved away as soon as you knew it existed so don't play like you were kept in the shadows, Rhys. You put yourself there because you couldn't face up to what you'd done."
Rhys studied his hand which were clamped in his lap. "I didn't mean to," he whispered. "I never meant for it to happen."
"Then why did it?" Bethan pressed. "Tell me, because I've been asking myself this for the past five years and I can't get any answers."
Rhys looked up at peered into Bethan's eyes taking in her anger and iron will with a sigh. "I did it because I loved you, Bethan."
"No, Rhys," Bethan argued. "When you love someone you don't rape them and leave them for dead to raise the pieces."
"I was just a kid." Rhys persisted.
"So was I," Bethan added. "But I had to grow up pretty damn fast." She eyed Rhys coldly. "It seems you still have to."
"Why do you have to be like this?" Rhys demanded, his eyes springing up at the nip at his pride.
"Because it's the truth and you know it, Rhys. You just don't want to face up to it. If you really want to be a part of Nia's life, you can start with child support. Something you've never bothered with before."
Rhys opened his mouth to argue but spotted the danger in Bethan's eyes and stopped. She was right. She had changed. And he wasn't sure if he liked what he saw now.
Bethan sensed this change in attitude and bristled. "Don't look at me in that way," she ordered quietly. "I'm not the one in the wrong here. If you want to be a part of Nia's life, you should have decided sooner and stuck by me like anyone with a speck of decency would have done. Instead you just came from nowhere and expected me to open up and let you in again. Well I can't, Rhys. I have a daughter now and I have to look out for her. I just don't know if I can let you near her. I don't know if I can trust you anymore."
"But this is my fucking daughter we're talking about! You can't stop me from seeing her!" Rhys exploded.
"Yes, I can," Bethan corrected, standing up. "And I will. If and when Nia wants to see you, she will. Until then, it's best for you to stay away and stop calling."
"But that could be ages yet!" Rhys protested.
"So wait. You seem to be pretty good at it." With that, Bethan spun around and marched back home.
