All the Songs Have Been Erased, chapter 9
I ran upstairs to open the door and Ramona gave me that look that was saying 'I hate you, I hate you, I want you to die'. My face remained blank.
"Why can't you just face it?" she told me. "You don't fit in this family. My dad doesn't love you. My dad loves Frankito and me. And for now, that's it."
"Listen, I'm not going to contradict what you said, because I'm not going to talk for your dad. But I love your dad. And nothing will change that, okay?" I wasn't about to let a 15 year old tell me over.
Tre came over apparently he overheard, "And I love Stephanie. You have to get that. We are a family, all of us. All four of us. You have to get that Ramona. And this is how it's going to stay. Stephanie isn't going to replace your mom, and she knows her place in your life. But she is older than you, and you have to respect that." OhGodthankyouTre. "Now get over to the couch."
Poor Ramona looked like she was going to cry, but I wasn't in the mood to wrap my arm around her. She would probably continue hurting me as well as herself.
Tre and myself sat down on the leather couch while Frankito and Ramona sat on the loveseats that were next to it.
"Listen," Tre started as I grabbed his hands. "I've got some bad news. Actually, it's really... nevermind. Okay here's the thing. You guys know that I love you and would never ever do anything that would tear me away from you, right?"
They both nodded.
"Well, here's the thing. I haven't been feeling well, and started getting these headaches, so I went to the doctor's to get it checked out. And they found something."
"Oh God," Ramona gasped.
"They found... a tumor."
"No! Tell me you're lying, Dad! Tell me you're lying!" Ramona started to cry while Frankie just sat there in shock. Tre shook his head, "I'm sorry-"
"Why? What are your chances?"
Tre spoke quietly, "Less than 50%."
"What? What the hell? It's YOUR fault!" Ramona pointed to me. "You bitch, I HATE YOU! You are the reason this happened. YOU are the reason! You put stress on my dad, you caused this! I HATE YOU!"
"LISTEN Ramona," Tre started as I began to cry, trying to hold back tears as well as I could. "You are NOT going to blame Stephanie for this. This is in NO WAY her fault. It just happens, Mona. So STOP it. I understand that you are angry, but this is stupid. You can't blame people for things that you can't control."
The things I can't control take control of me.
Now usually, if this were a fight that I had had with someone else, other than my (pretty much) step children, I would have yelled back, 'You're such a whore' or 'God, if I'm a bitch, you are the reason they came up with the prase "Speak of the Devil"'. But since this is a different situation, I had to be the responsible one.
"Ramona," I said. "If you would just listen then maybe you can understand. Not too long ago, I was the same exact age as you, you know that- actually that is mostly why you are mad, I'm assuming. And I would've treated the situation the same way you are. We just have to stick together though, because this whole thing is bigger than all of us, like your dad told me.
"And we need all four of us to get through it. If you want your dad alive-" I took my hands to her shoulders and had her face me. "-If you want your dad alive, if you want him here for your prom, your graduation from high school, college. If you want him to walk you down the aisle and see your children, then you will stop this and you will put your dad first, not your mixed feelings about me. Hate me as much as you want, but don't ever let that hate overcome your love for your dad, okay?"
Ramona averted her gaze from my eyes and looked down. "I don't hate you," she said quietly. "You're just... taking my dad from me. I'm used to it being us 3, the winsome threesome. It has been that way for years now, since Claudia and him got divorced. I liked it. But now that you're here, it seems that my dad loves you more than me. I've always been 'his girl' but now I seem to be becoming 'the other girl'."
Tre sat Ramona down and held her in his arms. "Honey. Don't cry, don't cry," he said as he stroked her long brown hair. I thought back to Jason, and how he was doing the exact same thing with Ramona as he did me. "Honey, you know I love all of you the same, you know that. I love you with all my heart, my mind, and my soul. You're my kid, my Honey Bunches."
Ramona smiled, "Honey Bunches of Oats. You haven't called me that in years."
"Haven't remembered it in years," Tre replied. "But that Goddamn commercial was on every second. Just like your on my mind every second of the day. That's why I call you that. Except for you aren't as annoying as those damned factory workers."
"That cereal was horrible."
"You're right with that."
We all looked at each other for a brief moment before I asked Mona, "Friends?"
"More than," she said. "You are going to be my step mom any time now. That is... unless...." I put my finger over her mouth before she could say any more. "Nope," I told her. "Nu-uh. Only positive thoughts in this household for the next few months or so, and that's it. Only positive things come out of positive thoughts, I'm one to know."
"Fine," Ramona stated, smiling. "Stepmom-to-be it is, then."
Tre gave me a kiss and then said, "That it is. That it is."
"Why can't you just face it?" she told me. "You don't fit in this family. My dad doesn't love you. My dad loves Frankito and me. And for now, that's it."
"Listen, I'm not going to contradict what you said, because I'm not going to talk for your dad. But I love your dad. And nothing will change that, okay?" I wasn't about to let a 15 year old tell me over.
Tre came over apparently he overheard, "And I love Stephanie. You have to get that. We are a family, all of us. All four of us. You have to get that Ramona. And this is how it's going to stay. Stephanie isn't going to replace your mom, and she knows her place in your life. But she is older than you, and you have to respect that." OhGodthankyouTre. "Now get over to the couch."
Poor Ramona looked like she was going to cry, but I wasn't in the mood to wrap my arm around her. She would probably continue hurting me as well as herself.
Tre and myself sat down on the leather couch while Frankito and Ramona sat on the loveseats that were next to it.
"Listen," Tre started as I grabbed his hands. "I've got some bad news. Actually, it's really... nevermind. Okay here's the thing. You guys know that I love you and would never ever do anything that would tear me away from you, right?"
They both nodded.
"Well, here's the thing. I haven't been feeling well, and started getting these headaches, so I went to the doctor's to get it checked out. And they found something."
"Oh God," Ramona gasped.
"They found... a tumor."
"No! Tell me you're lying, Dad! Tell me you're lying!" Ramona started to cry while Frankie just sat there in shock. Tre shook his head, "I'm sorry-"
"Why? What are your chances?"
Tre spoke quietly, "Less than 50%."
"What? What the hell? It's YOUR fault!" Ramona pointed to me. "You bitch, I HATE YOU! You are the reason this happened. YOU are the reason! You put stress on my dad, you caused this! I HATE YOU!"
"LISTEN Ramona," Tre started as I began to cry, trying to hold back tears as well as I could. "You are NOT going to blame Stephanie for this. This is in NO WAY her fault. It just happens, Mona. So STOP it. I understand that you are angry, but this is stupid. You can't blame people for things that you can't control."
The things I can't control take control of me.
Now usually, if this were a fight that I had had with someone else, other than my (pretty much) step children, I would have yelled back, 'You're such a whore' or 'God, if I'm a bitch, you are the reason they came up with the prase "Speak of the Devil"'. But since this is a different situation, I had to be the responsible one.
"Ramona," I said. "If you would just listen then maybe you can understand. Not too long ago, I was the same exact age as you, you know that- actually that is mostly why you are mad, I'm assuming. And I would've treated the situation the same way you are. We just have to stick together though, because this whole thing is bigger than all of us, like your dad told me.
"And we need all four of us to get through it. If you want your dad alive-" I took my hands to her shoulders and had her face me. "-If you want your dad alive, if you want him here for your prom, your graduation from high school, college. If you want him to walk you down the aisle and see your children, then you will stop this and you will put your dad first, not your mixed feelings about me. Hate me as much as you want, but don't ever let that hate overcome your love for your dad, okay?"
Ramona averted her gaze from my eyes and looked down. "I don't hate you," she said quietly. "You're just... taking my dad from me. I'm used to it being us 3, the winsome threesome. It has been that way for years now, since Claudia and him got divorced. I liked it. But now that you're here, it seems that my dad loves you more than me. I've always been 'his girl' but now I seem to be becoming 'the other girl'."
Tre sat Ramona down and held her in his arms. "Honey. Don't cry, don't cry," he said as he stroked her long brown hair. I thought back to Jason, and how he was doing the exact same thing with Ramona as he did me. "Honey, you know I love all of you the same, you know that. I love you with all my heart, my mind, and my soul. You're my kid, my Honey Bunches."
Ramona smiled, "Honey Bunches of Oats. You haven't called me that in years."
"Haven't remembered it in years," Tre replied. "But that Goddamn commercial was on every second. Just like your on my mind every second of the day. That's why I call you that. Except for you aren't as annoying as those damned factory workers."
"That cereal was horrible."
"You're right with that."
We all looked at each other for a brief moment before I asked Mona, "Friends?"
"More than," she said. "You are going to be my step mom any time now. That is... unless...." I put my finger over her mouth before she could say any more. "Nope," I told her. "Nu-uh. Only positive thoughts in this household for the next few months or so, and that's it. Only positive things come out of positive thoughts, I'm one to know."
"Fine," Ramona stated, smiling. "Stepmom-to-be it is, then."
Tre gave me a kiss and then said, "That it is. That it is."
