The Children Of Rage & Love (Sequel to Give Me Novacaine), chapter 4
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After going back down, Veronica showed the pictures to her brother and sister telling the news of their other siblings.
"Wow! How cool!" Rosa's usual upbeat tone chimed in first.
"What a dick, why the hell wouldn't he tell us?" Carlos said angrily. Sometimes Veronica just wanted to slap him, god he was such an asshole.
"I don't know, but I'm a go visit mom and talk to her about papi's kids," she said, putting the box near the door so she wouldn't forget to take it with her.
"And because he would probably end up getting the dick response, you're giving him pendejo."
"Don't call me a dumbass, dumbass."
"I'll call you what I want to call you, pendejo," Veronica teased, Carlos having the short fuse of his father tried to hit her, but Ubber stepped in the way.
"Hey, didn't your dad ever tell you not to hit the girls?"
"Yeah, but he didn't say anything about the bitches," he spat out.
"Would you two quit fighting, I swear you take the sibling rivalry to an extreme," Muy said, walking in the living room.
"I know it's good and all that, Veronica knows how to play with the boys, but that doesn't make her one...all the time," Hella joked; the room laughed except for Veronica.
"Haha, very funny, I almost forgot to laugh."
"Vero, that line was out when our parents were young and they haven't brung it back, dear," Hella teased; Hella was the girliest along with Rosa, they were very close considering the gap in ages, but since Rosa was very stuck up for her age, her and Rosa never really noticed the difference in ages anyways.
"Blow me, Hel."
"Ew, that's so gross, don't say stuff like that, sis," Rosa said making a face and covering her ears.
"Awww, the poor little virgin is traumatized," Vero laughed.
"And if you're not, we don't need to know," Carlos quickly added before the words could escape Rosie's mouth.
"I'm going back up, there's some more stuff I wanna go through before I head out, you guys don't mind that I take these boxes with me, right?" she asked Ubber and his sisters.
"Depends on what it is."
"Just some pictures of my dad and some records of his I guess, is it okay?"
"Yeah, go ahead, if you find anything of ours tell us though, OK?" Joni said, wiping her eyes.
"Yeah sure, hey Joni, wanna go help me finish going through the boxes?" Veronica always had a soft spot for Joni; she was a great person to be around when you were one of her close friends, she was a closet clown, but on the outside she was this insecure person who she just didn't want to be around sometimes because her sadness always seemed to bring down the mood of all the fun.
"Uhm OK," she said as she led the way to the attic.
"You guys need any help?" Jonathan asked.
"No, we'll be good, leave us girls be!" Veronica shot down, laughing.
"So what are we, transvestites?" Muy asked, offended.
"Stop being so sensitive, let's go get some food," Rocio said, walking into the kitchen to put some water on for coffee.
"Seriously, you guys swear that you have to be involved in every little piece of gossip going on with us," Carlos said, following Rocio into the kitchen.
"And he follows her like a dog, he's such a dip," Hella said, rolling her eyes; she hated to think that any of the thoughts in her mind were true.
"Let's go get food," Muy quickly said, not giving Carlos any time alone with Chio.
Vero and Joni were in the attic laughing and having a good time looking through the boxes of keepsakes their families kept.
"Look, it's that time we all went to Beijing when Green Day was on tour and we were all on vacation," Vero said, looking through a box full of journals and pictures.
"I can't believe they still allowed them back into the city after that week of hell from us damn Americans," Joni laughed.
"Remember that hot waiter guy who insisted on having a dance with you?" Vero teased, laughing; Johanna blushed and nodded.
"If only I coulda brung him home with me," she sighed. The girls laughed together and closed up the box, leaving it by the door so they could take it with them on the way down. It was starting to get darker by the minute and not even the little light in the middle of the attic would be able to entirely light the huge attic, so they only had about a half hour to get anything else done and put two boxes by the door, still insisting to go through one of them before going down.
"Hey, before we go through this box, can I ask you something?" Vero said, keeping Joni from opening the box.
"Yeah, sure, anything you know, you're like my best friend, ask me whatever floats your boat," Joni smiled.
"Awww, thanks babe, you're my closest friend too, but seriously, you won't get mad if I give you a piece of advice even if most likely it's going to be something you won't want to hear or like?"
"Just tell me already, I hate it when people try to build things up," she said, a little peeved.
"OK, but first, why do you like my brother when I KNOW you can do so much better then that no good wanna be thug stupid ass who never sees any of the good that's in front of him EVER. I just don't see it."
"I don't know, because he was always so nice to me and he's really cute and he was the only guy who ever acted like he had some brains or maturity when I was around him."
"Maturity? BRAINS? Hahah! Are you sure that it was my brother you're talking about? Honey, Carlos is arrogant and pinheaded; he's full of shit, and thinks that he's a god. Ok, so he's cute, but what does that matter? He isn't smart enough to see that you are a great person that your beautiful inside and out and that you are worth a lot more than the fucking skanks he went out with; he doesn't deserve for you to like him, you should just go and look for a better guy because my brother isn't exactly the cream of the crop... Actually, I have this really cute friend who-"
"What are you doing, trying to set me up cuz you feel sorry for me that your brother thinks I'm just an ugly little tag along?" she yelled angrily.
"I'm trying to open your eyes up and I was thinking MAYBE you and my friend could get to know each other a little better, excuse me for caring about you," Veronica said, getting up off the floor. "I'll look at these boxes at my house, I don't want to talk to you if you're going to be a stupid ass about someone I've known all my life and know like the back of my hand, so if you think that I'm wrong and you're right, know what? It's your heart, let you tear it out because I'm not going to fucking care anymore," she said, grabbing the box in front of them running down the stairs and telling Ubber to help her take the boxes to the car.
Outside Vero and Ubber were fitting the boxes into her car; she had gotten the other two boxes in the attic without so much as paying any attention to the other life in there still. They put the last box in the drivers seat and closed the door to her jeep which her mother had given her on her 16th birthday, she loved the black 4x4 to death and would drive it until it gave out on her. Her back against the driver seat door Vero and Ubber started making small talk.
"You know, sometimes I wish I could go back to being fifteen years old and having my mom and daddy just there and happy and I wouldn't have to deal with the real world anymore. Why couldn't I stay little forever?" she said, looking at Ubber, who was laughing.
"What? I'm serious." She thought about it a second and laughed herself.
"Come on Vero, none of us could wait until we moved out no matter how much we love our parents; we didn't want to stay living with them until the end of time."
"Yeah, you're right, I couldn't wait until the day I moved out, it meant that I didn't have to have my papi or mami meet any of my boyfriends anymore." Ubber's light mood fell a little, but he was quick to pick it up.
"Yeah, I didn't have to live with a house full of women anymore," Veronica laughed.
"You had your dad."
"Well, we weren't exactly the closest of people." Veronica was always confused at how Ubber was never close to his father, she loved her Uncle Tre; man, he was the craziest and most fun guy she knew, she used to wish that Tre were younger because she had a secret crush on him, but she grew out of that once she met her first boyfriend.
"Yeah, I don't get why, but yeah."
"Well I don't get why you don't like Carlos."
"Because he's a dipshit asshole."
"Yeah, everyone in the house heard you and Joni fighting. Just let her have her crush."
"Why? He's an asshole, Oob, I had to live with him for nineteen years; I would assume that if he's no good for your own flesh and blood, then maybe you could care too. Carlos is a wam bam thank you ma'am kinda guy, he could care less about someone's emotions and if he ever saw anything in Joni, which he never will. It's just going to be a night of hot sex and he's going to boot her the next day not to mention Joni is saving herself. I know this, I don't want her to remember her first time being with a guy who kicked her off the bed twenty minutes after they finished, she should remember it and look back on it smiling not regretting it like me," she said, that last part without thinking and quickly muttered an "Oh shit" before looking away.
"Yeah, well, she's smarter than to do that. And what do you mean IF he sees anything in her, who wouldn't be able to see the fucking great person she is?" Ubber said, starting to get angry.
"Carlos is, he looks at a girl with an ass and a nice rack, not the one that has substance; I know what I'm talking about, he's trash and no good for Joni, so the sooner she gets over that wanna be thug, the better because he'll just get her shot up," Veronica said, opening the door to her jeep and slamming it shut, the stereo blared out the Sex Pistols version of Johhny B. Goode as she sped out of the driveway and to her one bedroom apartment in Echo Park.
Ubber stared at the empty road, he knew Vero was angry and right, Carlos may have been his friend, but he wasn't a good choice for Johanna. This wasn't just that older brother protectiveness, but still, he sort of hoped that Carlos would change, but there was no changing for him anytime soon. Ubber walked back in the house and saw that Jonathan and Rocio had left and they had taken Carlos with them.
"When did Jon and Roach leave?"
"A few minutes after you and Veronica went outside to pack her car up," Joni said, coming out of the kitchen with a sandwich and glass of juice.
"You know Vero's right, don't you, hon?"
"No she isn't, I know Carlos acts tough and like he doesn't care, but he does."
"Stop doing this to yourself and just go out and meet new people; forget about Carlos, he may be my friend, but he really is a jerk-off."
"Your one to talk, I'll move on when you get a girlfriend," Joni said, walking into her old room slamming the door. Ubber sighed and went up to his room.
"This is what I left Fresno for? It's high school all over again," he said, laying on his twin mattress that pretty much made his legs dangle over the edge. His other sisters had fallen asleep on the couch and he could hear Joni crying her eyes out.
"Yeah, it's definitely high school again, except now there's no more loving family, just an angry one," he said, closing his eyes, letting sleep take him in.
Echo Park is one the oldest neighborhoods in L.A and Vero loving everything old fashioned fit right into the blended neighborhood. It may not have been the richest of places, but it also wasn't south gate or anything, it was just a middle class neighborhood with the type of people Vero liked. She parked her car in front of her apartment complex and started taking the boxes in one by one into her house. What really sucked was since she had to feel like she was constantly on top of the world, she had to carry each box up a flight of stairs and into her house then repeat it three more times. By the time she was done she was panting and dying.
"Next time I'm taking the elevator," she gasped as she sat on her couch, taking a minute to catch her breath. Once she composed herself, she got up and walked into the kitchen to heat herself up a hot pocket and check her messages.
Unwrapping the pizza pocket, the first few messages were just friends asking her to call them back so they could talk about a show; one was from a co-worker telling her she had to work overtime at the bar on Thursday because her gay friend Chip had to go out on a personal leave.
"Fuck, dammit, now I get an extra day of guys hitting on me and spilling their drinks on me, oh fucking joy," she said, grabbing a can of Dr. Pepper and jumping on her counter top; the microwave was still heating the food and the last message played.
This message is for Veronica Armstrong concerning your mother Natalie Armstrong, she is under suicide watch because a nurse caught her hoarding pills planning to overdose, we assume, please give us a call at (213) 250-4228 when you can and we will give you more information on her condition. Thank you for your time, Miss. Armstrong.
The voice was gone and left Greeny with her mouth wide open and a Hot Pocket on her lap.
"Oh shit! What the fuck, aren't the kids supposed to be the suicidal ones, not the parents? She has the whole parental thing very confused." Veronica jumped off her counter and picked up the phone.
"Hello, Alliance Nursing Center of Echo Park, how may I help you?"
"Hi, it's Veronica Armstrong; I'm calling for my mother, Natalie Armstrong. I got a phone call saying they put her on suicide watch? What is this and how long is she going to be on this watch thing?"
"Oh yes, Mrs. Armstrong was caught with a vast amount of pills and the doctors have decided to keep her on suicide watch for the next few weeks until they can be certain she won't try this again."
"OK, so what exactly does suicide watch mean?" Veronica asked.
"Well, with your mother's history, we are going to have to keep her under constant surveillance and just in case someone can't be with her, her wrists will be tied down to the bed railings." This angered Veronica, her mother wasn't an animal to be tied down, even though it may have been for her own good, no one deserved to be tied down like an animal getting ready to be shot.
"I don't care about my mother's past, you don't tie her wrists, we're the ones paying for it and I'm sure my mother would agree that having her hands tied down is something she would want much less then me." The nurse on the other end tried to argue.
"Yes, but it's for her own good."
"It's for her own good to be tied down like a maniac? She is a 70 year old woman, what damage could she do? Beat you with her walker?! No, I don't care what you say, I don't' want her hands tied down and if I go and I find them there, then I'll sue your company for elderly abuse."
"It's not abuse if it's for her own good."
"Not if we don't understand why."
"She was keeping pills hidden, what don't you understand, Miss Armstrong."
"I understand that fine, but she isn't going to slit her wrists especially if everything around her is plastic, now I am going to visit her tomorrow and when I go, I better not see any damn wrist binds or hear about any of them because I will sue your asses penniless. Now have a good night." She hung the phone up and slammed it on the charger.
"I shoulda just hired a fucking in home nurse for her, she just likes making life difficult," Vero cursed and sat on her couch turning on her stereo some classic oldies softly played out. No one knew she listened to this type of music, it wasn't that she was ashamed or anything about the music, she listened to she could give a rats ass about people, but they never bothered to ask and never assumed it, so they naturally didn't know. She looked over at the boxes and figured what the hell, she wasn't going to sleep any time soon and put the box in front of her. The box was heavy and taped like they didn't even want the air to get in. She got back up and came back with a kitchen knife and made a clear line down the middle of the tape, making things easier on herself. When she opened it, the box had books, journals, and what do you know? Even MORE pictures. She laughed at how much her parents collected photos, some already getting ready to crumple into ashes and just be memories. She sorted the pictures and kept pictures of her mother and grandmother on one side and on the other side which happened to be considerably bigger, was her father's family. She didn't spend too much time on the pictures except for one of her mother and another guy who had a big nose, but didn't look to bad, it seemed to be one of her mother's old boyfriends, they looked even happier then her father and his first wife, but then again pictures can always deceive, too. She put the picture on her couch and reached for a journal that had another picture of him and bands that she knew her mother worshipped.
"Ooo, what did Mama used to write about," she asked no one in particular, sitting back, reading the journal. The date was nearly thirty years ago.
12/26/02
Tale of a Generation
Bastard Child
That's what I am
What I am and I couldn't be prouder
Wouldn't want a man who couldn't take responsibility for his mistake
Let alone a father who did the same
Walked out of my life
Didn't say good-bye
I could care less though
I'm a happy person
Confused at first
Thinking why did everyone have a dad but not me
Then I was sad
Praying that one day
My father would come and take me away
From the shit hole that was my life
But then I became angry
Yes I realized the truth
You didn't want me
You didn't have the ball to take care of me
Thinking 50 a month would show love
It angered me more that the money was forced out of you
It made me bitter
But I don't care anymore
Because I've found myself a generation full of bastard kids
And we've all moved on
Now we'll find the ones who turned their backs to us and show them
The proud bastards we are.
Veronica was shocked at the emotion she felt, especially since she had her father, she felt the anger and the emotions that went through her mom feeling like she had without a father when she grew up. Vero could never imagine a life with out her papi, but she would imagine that she would feel something like this had she not had him around. Looking at her clock, she saw it was midnight and she still had things to get done early in the morning before visiting her mom. She walked into her room, journal in hand, closing the door, as she lay in bed falling asleep; she remembered about the picture of her father's children.
"Maybe mami knew them, they look nice," she said as sleep got the best of her, the day's events just a blur of things on her list to forget.
"Wow! How cool!" Rosa's usual upbeat tone chimed in first.
"What a dick, why the hell wouldn't he tell us?" Carlos said angrily. Sometimes Veronica just wanted to slap him, god he was such an asshole.
"I don't know, but I'm a go visit mom and talk to her about papi's kids," she said, putting the box near the door so she wouldn't forget to take it with her.
"And because he would probably end up getting the dick response, you're giving him pendejo."
"Don't call me a dumbass, dumbass."
"I'll call you what I want to call you, pendejo," Veronica teased, Carlos having the short fuse of his father tried to hit her, but Ubber stepped in the way.
"Hey, didn't your dad ever tell you not to hit the girls?"
"Yeah, but he didn't say anything about the bitches," he spat out.
"Would you two quit fighting, I swear you take the sibling rivalry to an extreme," Muy said, walking in the living room.
"I know it's good and all that, Veronica knows how to play with the boys, but that doesn't make her one...all the time," Hella joked; the room laughed except for Veronica.
"Haha, very funny, I almost forgot to laugh."
"Vero, that line was out when our parents were young and they haven't brung it back, dear," Hella teased; Hella was the girliest along with Rosa, they were very close considering the gap in ages, but since Rosa was very stuck up for her age, her and Rosa never really noticed the difference in ages anyways.
"Blow me, Hel."
"Ew, that's so gross, don't say stuff like that, sis," Rosa said making a face and covering her ears.
"Awww, the poor little virgin is traumatized," Vero laughed.
"And if you're not, we don't need to know," Carlos quickly added before the words could escape Rosie's mouth.
"I'm going back up, there's some more stuff I wanna go through before I head out, you guys don't mind that I take these boxes with me, right?" she asked Ubber and his sisters.
"Depends on what it is."
"Just some pictures of my dad and some records of his I guess, is it okay?"
"Yeah, go ahead, if you find anything of ours tell us though, OK?" Joni said, wiping her eyes.
"Yeah sure, hey Joni, wanna go help me finish going through the boxes?" Veronica always had a soft spot for Joni; she was a great person to be around when you were one of her close friends, she was a closet clown, but on the outside she was this insecure person who she just didn't want to be around sometimes because her sadness always seemed to bring down the mood of all the fun.
"Uhm OK," she said as she led the way to the attic.
"You guys need any help?" Jonathan asked.
"No, we'll be good, leave us girls be!" Veronica shot down, laughing.
"So what are we, transvestites?" Muy asked, offended.
"Stop being so sensitive, let's go get some food," Rocio said, walking into the kitchen to put some water on for coffee.
"Seriously, you guys swear that you have to be involved in every little piece of gossip going on with us," Carlos said, following Rocio into the kitchen.
"And he follows her like a dog, he's such a dip," Hella said, rolling her eyes; she hated to think that any of the thoughts in her mind were true.
"Let's go get food," Muy quickly said, not giving Carlos any time alone with Chio.
Vero and Joni were in the attic laughing and having a good time looking through the boxes of keepsakes their families kept.
"Look, it's that time we all went to Beijing when Green Day was on tour and we were all on vacation," Vero said, looking through a box full of journals and pictures.
"I can't believe they still allowed them back into the city after that week of hell from us damn Americans," Joni laughed.
"Remember that hot waiter guy who insisted on having a dance with you?" Vero teased, laughing; Johanna blushed and nodded.
"If only I coulda brung him home with me," she sighed. The girls laughed together and closed up the box, leaving it by the door so they could take it with them on the way down. It was starting to get darker by the minute and not even the little light in the middle of the attic would be able to entirely light the huge attic, so they only had about a half hour to get anything else done and put two boxes by the door, still insisting to go through one of them before going down.
"Hey, before we go through this box, can I ask you something?" Vero said, keeping Joni from opening the box.
"Yeah, sure, anything you know, you're like my best friend, ask me whatever floats your boat," Joni smiled.
"Awww, thanks babe, you're my closest friend too, but seriously, you won't get mad if I give you a piece of advice even if most likely it's going to be something you won't want to hear or like?"
"Just tell me already, I hate it when people try to build things up," she said, a little peeved.
"OK, but first, why do you like my brother when I KNOW you can do so much better then that no good wanna be thug stupid ass who never sees any of the good that's in front of him EVER. I just don't see it."
"I don't know, because he was always so nice to me and he's really cute and he was the only guy who ever acted like he had some brains or maturity when I was around him."
"Maturity? BRAINS? Hahah! Are you sure that it was my brother you're talking about? Honey, Carlos is arrogant and pinheaded; he's full of shit, and thinks that he's a god. Ok, so he's cute, but what does that matter? He isn't smart enough to see that you are a great person that your beautiful inside and out and that you are worth a lot more than the fucking skanks he went out with; he doesn't deserve for you to like him, you should just go and look for a better guy because my brother isn't exactly the cream of the crop... Actually, I have this really cute friend who-"
"What are you doing, trying to set me up cuz you feel sorry for me that your brother thinks I'm just an ugly little tag along?" she yelled angrily.
"I'm trying to open your eyes up and I was thinking MAYBE you and my friend could get to know each other a little better, excuse me for caring about you," Veronica said, getting up off the floor. "I'll look at these boxes at my house, I don't want to talk to you if you're going to be a stupid ass about someone I've known all my life and know like the back of my hand, so if you think that I'm wrong and you're right, know what? It's your heart, let you tear it out because I'm not going to fucking care anymore," she said, grabbing the box in front of them running down the stairs and telling Ubber to help her take the boxes to the car.
Outside Vero and Ubber were fitting the boxes into her car; she had gotten the other two boxes in the attic without so much as paying any attention to the other life in there still. They put the last box in the drivers seat and closed the door to her jeep which her mother had given her on her 16th birthday, she loved the black 4x4 to death and would drive it until it gave out on her. Her back against the driver seat door Vero and Ubber started making small talk.
"You know, sometimes I wish I could go back to being fifteen years old and having my mom and daddy just there and happy and I wouldn't have to deal with the real world anymore. Why couldn't I stay little forever?" she said, looking at Ubber, who was laughing.
"What? I'm serious." She thought about it a second and laughed herself.
"Come on Vero, none of us could wait until we moved out no matter how much we love our parents; we didn't want to stay living with them until the end of time."
"Yeah, you're right, I couldn't wait until the day I moved out, it meant that I didn't have to have my papi or mami meet any of my boyfriends anymore." Ubber's light mood fell a little, but he was quick to pick it up.
"Yeah, I didn't have to live with a house full of women anymore," Veronica laughed.
"You had your dad."
"Well, we weren't exactly the closest of people." Veronica was always confused at how Ubber was never close to his father, she loved her Uncle Tre; man, he was the craziest and most fun guy she knew, she used to wish that Tre were younger because she had a secret crush on him, but she grew out of that once she met her first boyfriend.
"Yeah, I don't get why, but yeah."
"Well I don't get why you don't like Carlos."
"Because he's a dipshit asshole."
"Yeah, everyone in the house heard you and Joni fighting. Just let her have her crush."
"Why? He's an asshole, Oob, I had to live with him for nineteen years; I would assume that if he's no good for your own flesh and blood, then maybe you could care too. Carlos is a wam bam thank you ma'am kinda guy, he could care less about someone's emotions and if he ever saw anything in Joni, which he never will. It's just going to be a night of hot sex and he's going to boot her the next day not to mention Joni is saving herself. I know this, I don't want her to remember her first time being with a guy who kicked her off the bed twenty minutes after they finished, she should remember it and look back on it smiling not regretting it like me," she said, that last part without thinking and quickly muttered an "Oh shit" before looking away.
"Yeah, well, she's smarter than to do that. And what do you mean IF he sees anything in her, who wouldn't be able to see the fucking great person she is?" Ubber said, starting to get angry.
"Carlos is, he looks at a girl with an ass and a nice rack, not the one that has substance; I know what I'm talking about, he's trash and no good for Joni, so the sooner she gets over that wanna be thug, the better because he'll just get her shot up," Veronica said, opening the door to her jeep and slamming it shut, the stereo blared out the Sex Pistols version of Johhny B. Goode as she sped out of the driveway and to her one bedroom apartment in Echo Park.
Ubber stared at the empty road, he knew Vero was angry and right, Carlos may have been his friend, but he wasn't a good choice for Johanna. This wasn't just that older brother protectiveness, but still, he sort of hoped that Carlos would change, but there was no changing for him anytime soon. Ubber walked back in the house and saw that Jonathan and Rocio had left and they had taken Carlos with them.
"When did Jon and Roach leave?"
"A few minutes after you and Veronica went outside to pack her car up," Joni said, coming out of the kitchen with a sandwich and glass of juice.
"You know Vero's right, don't you, hon?"
"No she isn't, I know Carlos acts tough and like he doesn't care, but he does."
"Stop doing this to yourself and just go out and meet new people; forget about Carlos, he may be my friend, but he really is a jerk-off."
"Your one to talk, I'll move on when you get a girlfriend," Joni said, walking into her old room slamming the door. Ubber sighed and went up to his room.
"This is what I left Fresno for? It's high school all over again," he said, laying on his twin mattress that pretty much made his legs dangle over the edge. His other sisters had fallen asleep on the couch and he could hear Joni crying her eyes out.
"Yeah, it's definitely high school again, except now there's no more loving family, just an angry one," he said, closing his eyes, letting sleep take him in.
Echo Park is one the oldest neighborhoods in L.A and Vero loving everything old fashioned fit right into the blended neighborhood. It may not have been the richest of places, but it also wasn't south gate or anything, it was just a middle class neighborhood with the type of people Vero liked. She parked her car in front of her apartment complex and started taking the boxes in one by one into her house. What really sucked was since she had to feel like she was constantly on top of the world, she had to carry each box up a flight of stairs and into her house then repeat it three more times. By the time she was done she was panting and dying.
"Next time I'm taking the elevator," she gasped as she sat on her couch, taking a minute to catch her breath. Once she composed herself, she got up and walked into the kitchen to heat herself up a hot pocket and check her messages.
Unwrapping the pizza pocket, the first few messages were just friends asking her to call them back so they could talk about a show; one was from a co-worker telling her she had to work overtime at the bar on Thursday because her gay friend Chip had to go out on a personal leave.
"Fuck, dammit, now I get an extra day of guys hitting on me and spilling their drinks on me, oh fucking joy," she said, grabbing a can of Dr. Pepper and jumping on her counter top; the microwave was still heating the food and the last message played.
This message is for Veronica Armstrong concerning your mother Natalie Armstrong, she is under suicide watch because a nurse caught her hoarding pills planning to overdose, we assume, please give us a call at (213) 250-4228 when you can and we will give you more information on her condition. Thank you for your time, Miss. Armstrong.
The voice was gone and left Greeny with her mouth wide open and a Hot Pocket on her lap.
"Oh shit! What the fuck, aren't the kids supposed to be the suicidal ones, not the parents? She has the whole parental thing very confused." Veronica jumped off her counter and picked up the phone.
"Hello, Alliance Nursing Center of Echo Park, how may I help you?"
"Hi, it's Veronica Armstrong; I'm calling for my mother, Natalie Armstrong. I got a phone call saying they put her on suicide watch? What is this and how long is she going to be on this watch thing?"
"Oh yes, Mrs. Armstrong was caught with a vast amount of pills and the doctors have decided to keep her on suicide watch for the next few weeks until they can be certain she won't try this again."
"OK, so what exactly does suicide watch mean?" Veronica asked.
"Well, with your mother's history, we are going to have to keep her under constant surveillance and just in case someone can't be with her, her wrists will be tied down to the bed railings." This angered Veronica, her mother wasn't an animal to be tied down, even though it may have been for her own good, no one deserved to be tied down like an animal getting ready to be shot.
"I don't care about my mother's past, you don't tie her wrists, we're the ones paying for it and I'm sure my mother would agree that having her hands tied down is something she would want much less then me." The nurse on the other end tried to argue.
"Yes, but it's for her own good."
"It's for her own good to be tied down like a maniac? She is a 70 year old woman, what damage could she do? Beat you with her walker?! No, I don't care what you say, I don't' want her hands tied down and if I go and I find them there, then I'll sue your company for elderly abuse."
"It's not abuse if it's for her own good."
"Not if we don't understand why."
"She was keeping pills hidden, what don't you understand, Miss Armstrong."
"I understand that fine, but she isn't going to slit her wrists especially if everything around her is plastic, now I am going to visit her tomorrow and when I go, I better not see any damn wrist binds or hear about any of them because I will sue your asses penniless. Now have a good night." She hung the phone up and slammed it on the charger.
"I shoulda just hired a fucking in home nurse for her, she just likes making life difficult," Vero cursed and sat on her couch turning on her stereo some classic oldies softly played out. No one knew she listened to this type of music, it wasn't that she was ashamed or anything about the music, she listened to she could give a rats ass about people, but they never bothered to ask and never assumed it, so they naturally didn't know. She looked over at the boxes and figured what the hell, she wasn't going to sleep any time soon and put the box in front of her. The box was heavy and taped like they didn't even want the air to get in. She got back up and came back with a kitchen knife and made a clear line down the middle of the tape, making things easier on herself. When she opened it, the box had books, journals, and what do you know? Even MORE pictures. She laughed at how much her parents collected photos, some already getting ready to crumple into ashes and just be memories. She sorted the pictures and kept pictures of her mother and grandmother on one side and on the other side which happened to be considerably bigger, was her father's family. She didn't spend too much time on the pictures except for one of her mother and another guy who had a big nose, but didn't look to bad, it seemed to be one of her mother's old boyfriends, they looked even happier then her father and his first wife, but then again pictures can always deceive, too. She put the picture on her couch and reached for a journal that had another picture of him and bands that she knew her mother worshipped.
"Ooo, what did Mama used to write about," she asked no one in particular, sitting back, reading the journal. The date was nearly thirty years ago.
12/26/02
Tale of a Generation
Bastard Child
That's what I am
What I am and I couldn't be prouder
Wouldn't want a man who couldn't take responsibility for his mistake
Let alone a father who did the same
Walked out of my life
Didn't say good-bye
I could care less though
I'm a happy person
Confused at first
Thinking why did everyone have a dad but not me
Then I was sad
Praying that one day
My father would come and take me away
From the shit hole that was my life
But then I became angry
Yes I realized the truth
You didn't want me
You didn't have the ball to take care of me
Thinking 50 a month would show love
It angered me more that the money was forced out of you
It made me bitter
But I don't care anymore
Because I've found myself a generation full of bastard kids
And we've all moved on
Now we'll find the ones who turned their backs to us and show them
The proud bastards we are.
Veronica was shocked at the emotion she felt, especially since she had her father, she felt the anger and the emotions that went through her mom feeling like she had without a father when she grew up. Vero could never imagine a life with out her papi, but she would imagine that she would feel something like this had she not had him around. Looking at her clock, she saw it was midnight and she still had things to get done early in the morning before visiting her mom. She walked into her room, journal in hand, closing the door, as she lay in bed falling asleep; she remembered about the picture of her father's children.
"Maybe mami knew them, they look nice," she said as sleep got the best of her, the day's events just a blur of things on her list to forget.
