Green Day and Me on Jerry Springer!, chapter 1
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: "Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Billie Joe is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Mike. So everyone please put your hands together for Billie Joe!"
Jerry: "Okay, now Billie Joe you're here to talk about someone aren't you?"
Billie Joe: "Yes."
Jerry: "And what is this other persons name?"
Billie Joe: "Tre."
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: "Okay, okay, well Tre, is actually here tonight... "
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: "But first we have a surprise for you Billie Joe, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Jason!"
Billie Joe: "What the HELL!!!"
Out of nowhere Billie pulls out a Kendo Stick. Jason reaches for the chair. Out of the shadows Kristie appears.
Kristie: "Wait everybody wait!"
Jerry: "Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Jason."
Jason: "Because I saw Billie Joe and Kristie making out at Madison Square Garden!"
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Kristie: "That's a lie! I was home watching Punk'd!"
Jerry: (raising his hands) "Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Jason?"
Jason: "Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Mike who has recently become engaged to Kristie."
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: "Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Mike out here because Billie Joe had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Tre that's right!"
Mike: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards Billie Joe) "What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Tre! You know I'm how I feel about Tre!"
Kristie: (screams) "What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Tre!"
Mike: "Because I knew that I could never have Tre. But Billie Joe promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!"
Kristie: "What about respect for MY feelings!"
Jason walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Mike.
Jason: "Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me."
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Kristie: "Oh my God! Are you SICK!"
Kristie runs across the room and wraps her arms around Billie Joe tightly.
Kristie: "Billie Joe take me away from all of this!"
Billie Joe: "You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married..."
The crowd does its bit.
Kristie: "Married?"
Billie Joe nods.
Kristie: "Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!"
Billie Joe: "The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Tre."
Mike: (screaming) "WHAT!!!"
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) "So...did you have a nice wedding night?"
Tre: (stepping back out onto center stage) "Well we had sex 69 times if that's what you mean."
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: "Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Billie Joe is married to Tre who Mike has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Mike has recently become engaged to Kristie who was recently spotted kissing Billie Joe in the Madison Square Garden. Now on top of this Jason has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Mike."
Tre: "That's right Jerry."
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) "It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight."
Queue cheesy background music plays and fade to black.
JERRY: "Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Billie Joe is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Mike. So everyone please put your hands together for Billie Joe!"
Jerry: "Okay, now Billie Joe you're here to talk about someone aren't you?"
Billie Joe: "Yes."
Jerry: "And what is this other persons name?"
Billie Joe: "Tre."
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: "Okay, okay, well Tre, is actually here tonight... "
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: "But first we have a surprise for you Billie Joe, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Jason!"
Billie Joe: "What the HELL!!!"
Out of nowhere Billie pulls out a Kendo Stick. Jason reaches for the chair. Out of the shadows Kristie appears.
Kristie: "Wait everybody wait!"
Jerry: "Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Jason."
Jason: "Because I saw Billie Joe and Kristie making out at Madison Square Garden!"
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Kristie: "That's a lie! I was home watching Punk'd!"
Jerry: (raising his hands) "Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Jason?"
Jason: "Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Mike who has recently become engaged to Kristie."
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: "Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Mike out here because Billie Joe had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Tre that's right!"
Mike: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards Billie Joe) "What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Tre! You know I'm how I feel about Tre!"
Kristie: (screams) "What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Tre!"
Mike: "Because I knew that I could never have Tre. But Billie Joe promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!"
Kristie: "What about respect for MY feelings!"
Jason walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Mike.
Jason: "Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me."
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Kristie: "Oh my God! Are you SICK!"
Kristie runs across the room and wraps her arms around Billie Joe tightly.
Kristie: "Billie Joe take me away from all of this!"
Billie Joe: "You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married..."
The crowd does its bit.
Kristie: "Married?"
Billie Joe nods.
Kristie: "Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!"
Billie Joe: "The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Tre."
Mike: (screaming) "WHAT!!!"
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) "So...did you have a nice wedding night?"
Tre: (stepping back out onto center stage) "Well we had sex 69 times if that's what you mean."
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: "Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Billie Joe is married to Tre who Mike has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Mike has recently become engaged to Kristie who was recently spotted kissing Billie Joe in the Madison Square Garden. Now on top of this Jason has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Mike."
Tre: "That's right Jerry."
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) "It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight."
Queue cheesy background music plays and fade to black.
