Stupid Billie, chapter 17

*Spanish class...

It all started with Mike... nodding his head... in Spanish class...

"Mr. Pritchard... " Mr. Torres said a Spanish accent.

"It's Dirnt," Mike muttered.

"Oh. Mr. Dirnt, can you tell us what you had for number one?"

"Number one? What number one?"

"Um... the one floating above you," he said sarcastically.

"WHERE?" Mike said, looking up as Veronica rolled her eyes.

The whole class laughed.

"That's almost as bad as Andy thinking gullible was written on the ceiling." Someone shouted.

"Yeah... that was funny... " someone else said.

"You dumb ass," Veronica said to Mike. "I'm not taking you to Chile."

"When are you going to Chile?"

"Next week. I already told you I'll be gone for a while. Make sure Mr. Carr is nice to Thea." Veronica thought about this. "On second thought, make sure Thea doesn't kill Mr. Carr... "

"Okay?" Mike said, confused. "What am I going to do while you're gone?"
"Hang out with the guys." Veronica said like it was obvious.

Mike looked around the room. "What guys?"

Veronica just shrugged. "I'm sure you'll find some if you look hard enough.

Back to Sam and Caitlin... .

Bam walked back in the room with a bump on his head, and a smile on his face.
He sat down, rubbing his bump.

"What did you do now?" Sam said, glaring at him.

"You'll see." He said with an evil grin.

"We should be worried." Brenna said. "I sense something big is going to
happen."


Ten minutes later...

There was a commotion outside the classroom.
BOOM! Something slammed against the lockers, and then they heard "I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to JACKASS!"

"BAM! THIS IS WHAT YOU DID!" Sam yelled as the door slammed open.

Brenna jumped up. "It's Johnny! It's JOHNNY!" she squealed.

" Hey." Johnny said calmly, like there wasn't a big dent in the locker behind him.

"Glad you could make it." Bam said.

"Anytime. Hey lady, can these guys be excused from class?"

"Hell no!" The teacher said, seriously annoyed. "Don't you know there's a law to keep all the doors locked?"

"Well, I have this note... " Johnny said, showing the teacher a note signed by the principal. (How he got it... we will never know)

"Well, okay."

You have never seen anyone get out of a classroom faster. Really, you haven't.
"Let's go get Tre!" Bam said. "And the midget girl!"

Sam hit him. "I did that so Thea doesn't kill you. Let's go"

At Thea's math class...

Thea was falling asleep due to boredom as Tre drummed on the desk while the teacher glared at them.
The door flew open and Johnny said, "Here's JOHNNY!"

The class erupted in laughter as Thea woke up and said "What the fuck? You woke me up!" She looked at Johnny, the cameras, and said "Hey! I know you!"

"No shit Sherlock!" Sam said. "You're excused from class. Let's go."

"Okay?" Thea got up and left, then started doing a little dance because she was out of math class.

"Don't do that Thea." Tre said. "Where's Veronica?"

"We still have to get her."

"WHAT?! You left my Veronica in Spanish class?"

"Tre, how do you know she has Spanish?" Caitlin asked.

"Um... I found her schedule while I was in her locker... .?"

"My drummer is a pervert." Billie said as he smacked Tre. To his surprise, Tre fell to the ground.

"That's not fair!" Tre whined. "I wasn't ready!"

"HAHA, that was awesome!" Johnny said. "We got that on tape!"

"You're recording?!" Sam shouted.

"Yeah, why else would I have a camera man with me?" Johnny said.

"Ohh... this could be bad when we see Veronica... " Sami said.

Spanish Class...

"Mike, my hair looks terrible!" Veronica moaned. "I need hair gel... do you have any?"

"Uh... no sorry... "

"Damn... "

They heard shouts down the hall... but they figured it was just the fifth graders... again.

The door flew open and Tre yelled "MY VERONICA! I HAVE MISSED YOU! THANK GOD YOU'RE ALIVE - I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE DIED!"

"What the hell is going on?" Mr. Torres asked, glaring at Tre. "Why is this short man in my classroom?"

The class laughed, and then Johnny walked in.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Mr. Torres asked again.

"Hola señor. Me llamo Johnny Knoxville." The two shook hands.

"I like him. But I don't like the short man."

The class laughed some more.
"All right dude, here's the thing... I have this note to get two people from the class-"
He was interrupted by a chorus of " 'Pick me' s from the girls in the class.

"As I was saying... I want two people from the class... Mike and the lucky lady is... " Johnny glanced at a piece of paper. "Veronica?"

"Mr. Dirnt and Ms. Malinn? No they haven't done their dialog yet."

"They haven't done their dialog yet." Johnny mocked in a terrible accent.

"I don't like you no more." Mr. Torres said, glaring at Johnny.

Brenna then flipped out. "HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE JOHNNY KNOXVILLE?"

"Breenna?!" Mr. Torres shouted. "You again? Are we still going too fast for you Breenna?"

"You're making her cry!" Some kid in the class shouted.

Brenna turned and ran down the hall.

"Wait!" Johnny shouted, taking chase. "Breenna - I mean Brenna! Come back!"

The group stared after them for a while... then decided to go after them.

"Adios señor!" Sam, Caitlin and Veronica shouted as Thea laughed her ass off.

"Don't even think about showing up for class this afternoon! Sam! Caitlin! Billie Joe! BAM!"

Eventually, they found Brenna and Johnny. Brenna was clinging to Johnny... and she wouldn't let go.

"Breenna... I mean Brenna... you need to let go. I can't feel my legs... " He looked at Bam. "Bam - Bam help! Help me! It's squeezing the life from me!"

"Hey, you called me an it!" Brenna shouted as she punched him.

"Ha, I got that on tape!" The cameraman laughed.

"YOU'RE RECORDING?!" Veronica yelled.

"I thought we already discussed NOT telling her." Billie Joe said.

"This could be very bad... " Mike said.

"Does anyone have hair gel?" Sam asked as she tried to keep Veronica away from Lance, the camera man, who was getting it all on tape.

"I do!" Billie said excitedly. "It's in 'the' locker. Let's go!"

The group headed to Caitlin's locker. Upon opening it, they realized Billie had completely taken it over. It was filled with pictures of his kids, hair gel, and little bags of white powder (We'll pretend we don't know what they are).

"Ohh just what I've been looking for!" Bam said, going for a bag of white powder.

"I don't think so!" Thea said, grabbing all the bags. "I'll be right back... "

Veronica grabbed a tube of hair gel. "To the bathroom!"

"Yay!" Tre said.

"I vote we shove him in a locker... " Caitlin said.

"It would be an honor!" Johnny said as he rubbed the bump on his head. He pushed Tre in and locked the door.

A few minutes later Veronica and Thea were back.

"Now what?" Brenna asked.

"This!" Bam said, pulling the fire alarm.