Where Do Broken Hearts Go?, chapter 6
*Billie Joe p.o.v*
I was terrified the night after I kissed her. Terrified and guilty as hell. What would Adie think? I kept thinking over and over in my head. How could you betray her like that? I have to admit that I was pretty awful to Charlie. I barely spoke to her at all. I barely looked at her that's how much it hurt. At first she didn't seem to notice, since the next night I was in the studio with Mike and Tre, and the night after that I went and got completely shitfaced with them, but after a week it was really starting to hurt her. This of course made me feel even worse, and caused me to try and avoid her at all costs. I stopped going to Dairy Queen on practice nights with her, and stopped watching movies with her late at night. Each day she got sadder and sadder and as she got sadder it only made me more depressed. I wanted to help her I really did, but I figured if I avoided the situation, what seemed inevitable wouldn't happen. You cant betray Adie... My mind kept telling me....
*back to Charlie*
I'd been right. It was a mistake. It was a spurr of the moment "you don't mean a damn thing to me, I just need to kiss someone" mistake. What was even scarier was the fact that I really was beginning to love him. I thought maybe he needed time to think at first, so I let it go. But pretty soon everything stopped and we were back to square one again. I had told Taylor what had happened and she just told me to give him time. Well, after a week of time spent alone and ignored I'd had enough.
"Why are you avoiding me?" I said one night as he walked up to his room.
"I'm not avoiding you. I'm just fucking tired ok?" he said continuing without turning around.
"Yes you are. You're avoiding me because we kissed aren't you?" I said. I could tell he had flinched at the mention of our kiss. Once more he continued up the stairs, only this time he didn't say a word.
"You're scared. You're terrified because maybe...just maybe...that kiss actually did MEAN something to you. Your scared because you have feelings for me and it scares the fuck out of you. You're scared because you're opening your heart to me and you never thought it could ever open again." He stopped and lowered his head and muttered something.
"And..." I continued. "Your scared because you think you are betraying Adie." This made him turn around.
"That kiss?" he said to me. "Was nothing...it didn't mean a fucking thing so get off it." My mouth dropped open and my lips trembled. I knew this was how he felt but to hear him actually say it was even worse.
"You are nothing." he added. My eyes welled up with tears and I buried my head in my hands for a second.
"I hate you." I muttered.
I looked up at him one last time. I had no idea what his expression was because my eyes were blurred with tears. So I ran out the door. It was pouring rain and ice cold, not unlike the day I died. My first instinct was to go to Tay's, but then I thought I'd rather be alone so I apparated to a park nearby and took cover in the jungle gym. I was so angry at him. I figured he just walked up to his room, glad to be rid of me, when I left. But little did I know that that night we both cried ourselves to sleep.
I was terrified the night after I kissed her. Terrified and guilty as hell. What would Adie think? I kept thinking over and over in my head. How could you betray her like that? I have to admit that I was pretty awful to Charlie. I barely spoke to her at all. I barely looked at her that's how much it hurt. At first she didn't seem to notice, since the next night I was in the studio with Mike and Tre, and the night after that I went and got completely shitfaced with them, but after a week it was really starting to hurt her. This of course made me feel even worse, and caused me to try and avoid her at all costs. I stopped going to Dairy Queen on practice nights with her, and stopped watching movies with her late at night. Each day she got sadder and sadder and as she got sadder it only made me more depressed. I wanted to help her I really did, but I figured if I avoided the situation, what seemed inevitable wouldn't happen. You cant betray Adie... My mind kept telling me....
*back to Charlie*
I'd been right. It was a mistake. It was a spurr of the moment "you don't mean a damn thing to me, I just need to kiss someone" mistake. What was even scarier was the fact that I really was beginning to love him. I thought maybe he needed time to think at first, so I let it go. But pretty soon everything stopped and we were back to square one again. I had told Taylor what had happened and she just told me to give him time. Well, after a week of time spent alone and ignored I'd had enough.
"Why are you avoiding me?" I said one night as he walked up to his room.
"I'm not avoiding you. I'm just fucking tired ok?" he said continuing without turning around.
"Yes you are. You're avoiding me because we kissed aren't you?" I said. I could tell he had flinched at the mention of our kiss. Once more he continued up the stairs, only this time he didn't say a word.
"You're scared. You're terrified because maybe...just maybe...that kiss actually did MEAN something to you. Your scared because you have feelings for me and it scares the fuck out of you. You're scared because you're opening your heart to me and you never thought it could ever open again." He stopped and lowered his head and muttered something.
"And..." I continued. "Your scared because you think you are betraying Adie." This made him turn around.
"That kiss?" he said to me. "Was nothing...it didn't mean a fucking thing so get off it." My mouth dropped open and my lips trembled. I knew this was how he felt but to hear him actually say it was even worse.
"You are nothing." he added. My eyes welled up with tears and I buried my head in my hands for a second.
"I hate you." I muttered.
I looked up at him one last time. I had no idea what his expression was because my eyes were blurred with tears. So I ran out the door. It was pouring rain and ice cold, not unlike the day I died. My first instinct was to go to Tay's, but then I thought I'd rather be alone so I apparated to a park nearby and took cover in the jungle gym. I was so angry at him. I figured he just walked up to his room, glad to be rid of me, when I left. But little did I know that that night we both cried ourselves to sleep.
