When Gnomes Attack, chapter 1
It was a bright and beautiful morning at the Pritchard house. The bright morning sun shinned into the bedroom, leaving streaks of light across the entire room. There lies, Mike Dirnt, sleeping soundly in his huge bed covered in soft, warm, cotton sheets as he dreamt about some of the strangest things any human mind could ever come up with. Sleeping soundly next to him, was a girl named Jessica, and she curled up into his body, taking in his heat.
Mike started to stir awake when a shadow moved across the room from something moving in the window. The shadow had danced across his face and he had somehow seen it in his sleep. Not sure what woke him up, he sat up in the bed, causing Jessica to move away from him and curl up into her own ball while pulling the covers almost all the way over her head. Mike looked at the clock and saw it was nine in the morning. Figuring he had slept enough, he stood up to walk down stairs and start the coffee. Once the coffee had started, he quietly walked out the front door to retrieve the morning newspaper that had been delivered to his house very early that morning. When he bent down the pick the news paper up he felt something hard hit him in the butt.
'What the hell?' He asked himself as he looked around the yard. He looked at the ground and discovered a dirt clot had been thrown at his hiney. There was nothing. Attempting to pick it up again, he was distracted by the sprinkler system turning on, causing him to get soaked with cold water.
'AHH!' Mike screamed as he uselessly tried to block the water from hitting him with his arms. He walked through the now soaked grass in his socks, he continued to get soaked. He finally made it to the knob and twisted it, causing the sprinklers to slow to a halt. Frustrated with his now soggy, muddy, and grass stained socks, and now, soggy body, he went to grab the news paper. This time he never made it to the news paper. He fell flat on his face after tripping over something. It was something big too. He rolled onto his back to look back at the walk way to see there was now nothing there.
'Tre are you pulling something on me or something?' He asked, thinking Tre would be in the bushes, resisting the urge to laugh his ass off at his flustered friend. But he got no response. Mike reached for the news paper from his position on the ground and sat it on his lap. He looked around suspiciously. Just as he was standing up, the sprinklers instantly came to life, this time more on full blast and soaking him more than he had been before and making the newspaper run.
'WHAT THE FUCK?' He said rather loudly as he ran through the lawn to turn them back off. When he turned it off, he walked back towards his door. Suddenly, another dirt clot came flying out of no where and his him in the back of the head. Mike struck a random karate pose and looked around the yard for any signs of life. His back was facing the house. Another dirt clot came flying and hit him in the middle of his back. He turned around in his slick fighting pose and looked around. Then three dirt clots came flying from the other side of the yard, one hitting the side of his face, one his arm, and one on his thigh. He looked around the yard. He saw some flowers and bushes he planted and some garden gnomes sitting amongst them. He always hated those gnomes. They always looked so jolly and harmless. So harmless it was freaky. Kinda like the Chucky doll. It's just a doll yet it kills you. Scowling, he walked back inside the house and scowled again at the random gnomes sitting in his kitchen.
'What are you looking at?' He muttered to one of them. It just sit there with its goofy grin on its face and its jolly red cheeks shined in the lights. He took his socks off and threw them away. As he was walking out of the kitchen to go take a shower he slipped and fell on a puddle of water and landed right on his ass. Feeling almost mad at himself for all this shit that was happening to him, he just laid flat on his back and starred up, feeling tears come into his eyes. He looked up at his refrigerator that had a gnome sitting on top of it and an empty water bottle. Finding that rather odd, he stood up and looked at the gnome. He took it off of the refrigerator and walked outside. Knowing his neighbors hated them too, he threw it over the fence to their side. Feeling a little more at ease, he walked back into his house and was startled by the gnome he just threw over the fence was sitting on the ground in front of him, staring him down and holding a can of chili beans. Feeling dazed, he picked it up again, and went back outside. He took the gnome and slammed it down on the ground, watching it shatter and bust apart.
'Ha. How do you like THAT?' He asked the rubble of that once used to be a gnome. Feeling accomplished he walked back into his house, yet again startled. He saw three gnomes looking at him, with angry eye brows this time. He was starting to get scared. Where were they coming from? He picked up the three angry looking gnomes and walked into the front yard and set them amongst the other garden gnomes that were full sized. Then out of the blue, he felt a stab of pain in his back.
'YE-OW!' He let out. He turned around and looked at the ground and saw a large sized gnome laying on the ground. Grabbing his back he looked at all the gnomes and saw they had a devious look on their faces. Then, dirt clots of all sizes started to fly at him. He yelled each time one hit him and he couldn't see sing he was shielding his face. He was shocked by them suddenly stopping. He gradually regained his postured and looked around. He turned back towards the front door and saw a confused Jessica standing in the door way.
'Mike? What the hell are you doing?' She asked him. Mike had a nervous look on his face.
'I Uh.... I dunno..' He stuttered.
'Well come inside'
'Yeah hold on' He told her. She shut the door and instantly, he felt an apple hit his head. 'WHAT THE HELL!?'
Then right after that, the sprinklers turned on, dirt clots started flying at him, along with tiny rocks. They stopped again when a passing car went by. As soon as the car was out of sight, everything started again. Mike quickly turned to run inside but there was a gnome in his way of the door. He turned to run into the back yard to find a line of gnomes standing there also. He looked back at his car and saw gnomes standing there too. He eyes his car and then gasped when a gnome fell out of the tree above it and broke the windshield. Then he looked inside the car and saw there was gnomes in there too. Another gnome fell out of the tree and tore through the convertibles roof, then the car alarm went off, the sprinklers started, the windshield wipers started going, and all the oil leaked out of it and onto the driveway. The front door whipped open and Jessica stood there in awe as dirt clots began to fly at Mike while everything was taking place. He saw her and yelled.
'JESSICA!'
'MIKE WHAT'S GOING ON!?' She asked. 'OW!' She yelled when a dirt clot hit her in the face. Then a lot more started coming at her, and she slammed the door shut only to have eggs thrown at her inside the house.
'AHHHHHHHHH!' He ran down the street, getting odd looks from neighbors since he was running around the street in his pajamas, soaked and covered in dirt and mud yet nothing was happening.
'SIR! WHAT'S WRONG?!' A concerned neighbor asked.
'MY GNOMES ARE ATTACKING ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND!' He yelled.
'Bwahahaa' The person laughed deviously. 'My plan worked'
'What?' Mike looked at him.
'I can't stand you since you and your band got spray cheese all over my gnomes. I put a spell on them to attack you' The man said.
'This isn't possible' Mike said breathlessly. 'Tell them to stop please. This is terrible'
'GNOMES! I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!' He said. He heard his car alarm go off along with the sprinklers. The neighborhood became eerily quiet.
'Dude. What's your problem'
'This won't happen again if you leave now' Mike processed what the man just said. He then took off down the street as the man laughed deviously. Then he stopped. He saw a flash of white.
*
It was a bright and beautiful morning at the Pritchard house. The bright morning sun shinned into the bedroom, leaving streaks of light across the entire room. There lies, Mike Dirnt, sleeping soundly in his huge bed covered in soft, warm, cotton sheets as he dreamt about some of the strangest things any human mind could ever come up with. Sleeping soundly next to him, was a girl named Jessica, and she curled up into his body, taking in his heat.
Mike rose from his bed, thinking about the dream he had just had. He laughed at the stupidity of it. Slipping on his robe, he walked outside to retrieve the newspaper. He looked around his yard. The gnomes remained there and the ones from his kitchen weren't there. The grass was dry except for the dew that had built up in the night. He reached down the grab it. No clot of dirt hit his bum. Smiling, he walked back up towards his house, and turned around to look back at the clean yard. The car was in perfect condition. Just as he turned into the house, he dirt clot hit the back of his head. He turned around and saw Tre ducking behind a car across the street.
Good ol' Tre.
Mike started to stir awake when a shadow moved across the room from something moving in the window. The shadow had danced across his face and he had somehow seen it in his sleep. Not sure what woke him up, he sat up in the bed, causing Jessica to move away from him and curl up into her own ball while pulling the covers almost all the way over her head. Mike looked at the clock and saw it was nine in the morning. Figuring he had slept enough, he stood up to walk down stairs and start the coffee. Once the coffee had started, he quietly walked out the front door to retrieve the morning newspaper that had been delivered to his house very early that morning. When he bent down the pick the news paper up he felt something hard hit him in the butt.
'What the hell?' He asked himself as he looked around the yard. He looked at the ground and discovered a dirt clot had been thrown at his hiney. There was nothing. Attempting to pick it up again, he was distracted by the sprinkler system turning on, causing him to get soaked with cold water.
'AHH!' Mike screamed as he uselessly tried to block the water from hitting him with his arms. He walked through the now soaked grass in his socks, he continued to get soaked. He finally made it to the knob and twisted it, causing the sprinklers to slow to a halt. Frustrated with his now soggy, muddy, and grass stained socks, and now, soggy body, he went to grab the news paper. This time he never made it to the news paper. He fell flat on his face after tripping over something. It was something big too. He rolled onto his back to look back at the walk way to see there was now nothing there.
'Tre are you pulling something on me or something?' He asked, thinking Tre would be in the bushes, resisting the urge to laugh his ass off at his flustered friend. But he got no response. Mike reached for the news paper from his position on the ground and sat it on his lap. He looked around suspiciously. Just as he was standing up, the sprinklers instantly came to life, this time more on full blast and soaking him more than he had been before and making the newspaper run.
'WHAT THE FUCK?' He said rather loudly as he ran through the lawn to turn them back off. When he turned it off, he walked back towards his door. Suddenly, another dirt clot came flying out of no where and his him in the back of the head. Mike struck a random karate pose and looked around the yard for any signs of life. His back was facing the house. Another dirt clot came flying and hit him in the middle of his back. He turned around in his slick fighting pose and looked around. Then three dirt clots came flying from the other side of the yard, one hitting the side of his face, one his arm, and one on his thigh. He looked around the yard. He saw some flowers and bushes he planted and some garden gnomes sitting amongst them. He always hated those gnomes. They always looked so jolly and harmless. So harmless it was freaky. Kinda like the Chucky doll. It's just a doll yet it kills you. Scowling, he walked back inside the house and scowled again at the random gnomes sitting in his kitchen.
'What are you looking at?' He muttered to one of them. It just sit there with its goofy grin on its face and its jolly red cheeks shined in the lights. He took his socks off and threw them away. As he was walking out of the kitchen to go take a shower he slipped and fell on a puddle of water and landed right on his ass. Feeling almost mad at himself for all this shit that was happening to him, he just laid flat on his back and starred up, feeling tears come into his eyes. He looked up at his refrigerator that had a gnome sitting on top of it and an empty water bottle. Finding that rather odd, he stood up and looked at the gnome. He took it off of the refrigerator and walked outside. Knowing his neighbors hated them too, he threw it over the fence to their side. Feeling a little more at ease, he walked back into his house and was startled by the gnome he just threw over the fence was sitting on the ground in front of him, staring him down and holding a can of chili beans. Feeling dazed, he picked it up again, and went back outside. He took the gnome and slammed it down on the ground, watching it shatter and bust apart.
'Ha. How do you like THAT?' He asked the rubble of that once used to be a gnome. Feeling accomplished he walked back into his house, yet again startled. He saw three gnomes looking at him, with angry eye brows this time. He was starting to get scared. Where were they coming from? He picked up the three angry looking gnomes and walked into the front yard and set them amongst the other garden gnomes that were full sized. Then out of the blue, he felt a stab of pain in his back.
'YE-OW!' He let out. He turned around and looked at the ground and saw a large sized gnome laying on the ground. Grabbing his back he looked at all the gnomes and saw they had a devious look on their faces. Then, dirt clots of all sizes started to fly at him. He yelled each time one hit him and he couldn't see sing he was shielding his face. He was shocked by them suddenly stopping. He gradually regained his postured and looked around. He turned back towards the front door and saw a confused Jessica standing in the door way.
'Mike? What the hell are you doing?' She asked him. Mike had a nervous look on his face.
'I Uh.... I dunno..' He stuttered.
'Well come inside'
'Yeah hold on' He told her. She shut the door and instantly, he felt an apple hit his head. 'WHAT THE HELL!?'
Then right after that, the sprinklers turned on, dirt clots started flying at him, along with tiny rocks. They stopped again when a passing car went by. As soon as the car was out of sight, everything started again. Mike quickly turned to run inside but there was a gnome in his way of the door. He turned to run into the back yard to find a line of gnomes standing there also. He looked back at his car and saw gnomes standing there too. He eyes his car and then gasped when a gnome fell out of the tree above it and broke the windshield. Then he looked inside the car and saw there was gnomes in there too. Another gnome fell out of the tree and tore through the convertibles roof, then the car alarm went off, the sprinklers started, the windshield wipers started going, and all the oil leaked out of it and onto the driveway. The front door whipped open and Jessica stood there in awe as dirt clots began to fly at Mike while everything was taking place. He saw her and yelled.
'JESSICA!'
'MIKE WHAT'S GOING ON!?' She asked. 'OW!' She yelled when a dirt clot hit her in the face. Then a lot more started coming at her, and she slammed the door shut only to have eggs thrown at her inside the house.
'AHHHHHHHHH!' He ran down the street, getting odd looks from neighbors since he was running around the street in his pajamas, soaked and covered in dirt and mud yet nothing was happening.
'SIR! WHAT'S WRONG?!' A concerned neighbor asked.
'MY GNOMES ARE ATTACKING ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND!' He yelled.
'Bwahahaa' The person laughed deviously. 'My plan worked'
'What?' Mike looked at him.
'I can't stand you since you and your band got spray cheese all over my gnomes. I put a spell on them to attack you' The man said.
'This isn't possible' Mike said breathlessly. 'Tell them to stop please. This is terrible'
'GNOMES! I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!' He said. He heard his car alarm go off along with the sprinklers. The neighborhood became eerily quiet.
'Dude. What's your problem'
'This won't happen again if you leave now' Mike processed what the man just said. He then took off down the street as the man laughed deviously. Then he stopped. He saw a flash of white.
*
It was a bright and beautiful morning at the Pritchard house. The bright morning sun shinned into the bedroom, leaving streaks of light across the entire room. There lies, Mike Dirnt, sleeping soundly in his huge bed covered in soft, warm, cotton sheets as he dreamt about some of the strangest things any human mind could ever come up with. Sleeping soundly next to him, was a girl named Jessica, and she curled up into his body, taking in his heat.
Mike rose from his bed, thinking about the dream he had just had. He laughed at the stupidity of it. Slipping on his robe, he walked outside to retrieve the newspaper. He looked around his yard. The gnomes remained there and the ones from his kitchen weren't there. The grass was dry except for the dew that had built up in the night. He reached down the grab it. No clot of dirt hit his bum. Smiling, he walked back up towards his house, and turned around to look back at the clean yard. The car was in perfect condition. Just as he turned into the house, he dirt clot hit the back of his head. He turned around and saw Tre ducking behind a car across the street.
Good ol' Tre.
