Violence of Summer, chapter 41
"I think Tre's talking in his sleep again... " Sid mumbled as Mike turned his head to look at a crashed out Tre on the couch.
"Oh yeah. He still talks in his sleep... only rarely though. It's not as bad as it used to be when we were in the pod."
It was way past midnight and Mike and Sid were the only ones left standing after Tre and Billie had crashed out on the hotel room floor. The night had passed so easily it was almost as if Sid had never left... it was like the six years apart had never happened and everything was just... normal again. But there was still something... something in the back of Mike's head that was jabbing at him. Questions, explanations, so many things that had to be said between the two of them. But how could he do it now? She had just suddenly walked back into his life... he didn't have time to prepare for this at all.
After a few more hours of easy talking between the two of them Mike poured Sid another drink as the two of them sat on the marble floor opposite each other.
"Tell me about your house." Mike asked.
"It's small." She shrugged. "It's English. It's... just a house." She smiled picking up her drink.
"Is that it?" Mike asked disappointed. "I mean... no secret passages, no buried treasure, no twisted garden type thing going on?"
Sid laughed at him shaking her head. "No... it's just outside of London so it's not like one of those classic British country home type things. But... it's nice."
"You ever thought of coming back to America any time soon?" Mike asked quite suddenly.
Sid looked at him biting her lip. "I don't know... " she said truthfully.
"I need to go to the bathroom." Mike groaned picking himself up off the floor. "I'll be back in a moment... " he trailed.
Sid watched him stumble out of the small bar area as he stepped over Billie's sleeping body going into the small bathroom.
After a few seconds Mike opened the bathroom door slowly making his way back over to the bar silently. He saw Sid now standing up getting some more glasses from the cupboard as he went over to her. She didn't notice him behind her as he just stood and watched her for a couple of seconds admiring her shape from behind.
"Why did you leave me?" he said all of a sudden surprising her.
Sid turned around to look at Mike. She glanced over at Billie and Tre quickly to make sure they were still asleep as she looked back at Mike who was watching her closely.
"I didn't leave you. I left home."
"You left me." Mike swallowed. "Why d'you do it? I just wanna know if it was something I said-"
"You know what it was!" Sid said trying not to raise her voice as she came closer to him. "Don't act as if you don't know. I left because you hurt me. It's that simple."
"You hurt me just as much as I hurt you." Mike shot back. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"
Sid breathed in heavily itching her ear nervously. "Mike please... "
"Sid." Mike cut in on her. "I don't think you understand... what I went through."
"Oh I don't understand what you went through?" Sid said in a high voice pointing a finger at his chest. "Well jeez Mike I am so sorry. You know I'm really sorry you had to leave me to go on tour and go off and have the time of your life! That must've been so hard for you." She said sarcastically.
"You think it was like that don't you? You think that I just took loads of drugs and fucked everything!"
"Don't tell me otherwise. I'm not stupid."
"Jesus Christ... " Mike mumbled. "There's a lot you still don't know about me. I'm a changed man."
Sid shook her head looking at the floor. "Listen Mike... there are some things, you don't understand... "
"Then why don't you make me understand?" Mike said going forward slightly. "What makes you think that I won't understand now huh? I'm a little more grown up than I was six years ago! I had a wife... I've got a kid! I know you think that when you left I just moved on or whatever... but it wasn't like that. You killed me... "
"I killed you?" Sid frowned. "What about me? You think it was easy for me to? Just to leave. Leave my home, leave my friends? No Mike, it was hard for me to. It killed me to-"
"Then why d'you do it?" Mike urged.
"Because I had to!" Sid burst trying hard not to wake up Tre and Billie who were still fast asleep. "It was the only right thing to do. If I had stayed it just would've damaged us more than... more than the damage that had been done. Don't you think enough had been done?"
"You know every day... every day I tried to think of what I had done wrong... what I could've done to have made you not go away. Sid... me and you had something me and Ana never had."
Sid sighed out deeply turning her back on him. "Please don't do this now... "
"What am I doing? I know you understand what I'm saying but there are still things between us that are just kept in the dark. I only felt like shit because I knew I had made you feel like shit. That's a tough thing for a guy to do... .to admit that it was his fault." Mike looked at the back of Sid studying her closely wondering if she was crying or not. He went forward very slowly putting a hand on her arm. "Sid... let me in your life again... " he whispered.
Sid breathed in heavily closing her eyes tightly before opening them again. "How can I allow myself to do that?"
"Let me prove to you that I've changed. I'm still the Mike you fell in love with at that Halloween party Sid. I'm just grown up... "
Sid turned around slowly to look at him. "There's a lot-"
"That needs to be said I know." Mike finished for her. They both looked out of the window seeing the sky was slowly getting lighter and lighter.
"What's the time?" Sid asked.
"It must be around four or five o'clock." Mike whispered.
"I should get home."
Mike looked at her swallowing the lump in his throat. "Let me take you home... ?"
Sid looked back at him for a long time as their eyes met for the first time that evening. She nodded her head slowly as he smiled warmly at her.
"D'you think we should just leave these two here then?" Sid asked looking at Tre who was on the couch and Billie on the floor.
"Yeah just leave 'em. When they wake up they'll figure out where they are... probably argue, then go back to the room."
***
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions, oh, let's go back to the start, running in circles, coming up tails, its only science apart, nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part, nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard, oh, take me back to the start... - The Scientist - Coldplay
Once the two had arrived at Sid's house it was about five o'clock in the morning. There was a hazy fog outside and the morning air was so cold it had even frosted the windows. Sid quietly opened the front door allowing Mike in as he looked around him studying her house. They came through a small way as she led him into the kitchen and indicated for him to sit down. He sat in a wooden chair at the round table as Sid turned around to look at him.
"Two secs... I just need to do something." She said quietly. Mike nodded his head as she left the kitchen and he heard the staircase creak under her feet. He smiled to himself lightly looking around him again at the small kitchen. He tapped his feet on the tiled floor thinking about all that had happened in the past twelve hours. It all seemed pretty surreal. Was she really there? Was he gonna wake up and find her gone again... ? The thought of it almost scared him. He couldn't loose her again...
After a few seconds he heard some more footsteps on the staircase and some whispering coming from the hallway. Not much longer Sid appeared in the kitchen doorway smiling wearily.
"Just a friend. I let her crash here last night." She explained as Mike's mouth formed into an 'o'.
"You didn't have to tell her she had to go just because I'm here you know." Mike said raising an eyebrow.
"Eh, she starts work in an hour anyway."
"Oh... jeez, tough sub."
Sid chuckled at him going over to the counter. "Do you want a drink?" she asked casually.
"Good old coffee would do me absolutely fine." Mike said heavily stretching his arms above his head. Sid smiled into the kettle half heartedly. She looked back at Mike for a second or two before turning away quickly.
"What do you think's gonna happen to Green Day then? You guys gonna go back into recording?" Sid questioned.
"I dunno." Mike sighed. "I don't even know if they're that keen on going on with this any more... "
Sid turned around leaning against the counter frowning at Mike. "Are you serious?"
Mike shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know anymore. What's even serious and what isn't, I mean it's becoming a bit of a joke now."
"You'll get over it... " Sid trailed pouring the water in the mug.
"You think?"
"Of course you will." She re-assured placing Mike's coffee in front of him as she sat opposite him. "You think I don't know you guys already. You've had bad patches before. It's a bumpy ride, stardom. I hear a lot of it you know."
"I know we've had bad patches before Sid but this is different. I'm telling you I mean... it's personal this time you know? I don't think we can cope for much longer. You know Tre just got re-married and it's already falling apart and he's blaming it on Green Day. And Billie and Adie really aren't doing well... " Mike paused biting his lip looking at Sid. "And then you come along."
"I come along?" Sid repeated raising an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Mike rested his elbows on the table running his two hands through his newly died jet black hair. "It's just... " Mike paused then looked back up at her not quite sure how to finish the sentence. "I'm just surprised that's all... " he whispered.
"What do you expect me to say Mike?" Sid replied. "Did you think you could avoid me forever?"
"Of course not." Mike said quickly.
"I waited for you." Sid said quietly as Mike stared at her. "I waited but you never came."
Mike took in a raspy breath putting both his hands down on the table in front of him. "You know sometimes I thought about... what you were doing. Who you were with... just sometimes it would randomly pop into my head you know? Like I wonder what Sid's doing right now? And I could've easily asked Charlie... or Adrienne but something in the back of my brain was telling me other wise. It's as if... I was scared to find out because I thought maybe if I knew... it would tempt me to talk to you... and I couldn't talk to you because... I didn't know what to say."
Sid licked her lips nervously looking at Mike who was staring at his hands. "But the real reason was because I didn't want to explain myself... I was just hiding from it all."
Sid didn't know what to say. She just sat there silently as Mike breathed in heavily, continuing. "But all the while I was hiding from it I just thought about it more. And I kept telling myself that it would be the last time. I would try and analyze it and I promised myself each time that it would be the last time. I would try and figure it out but it didn't work. I had all this time on my hands with nothing to do so I would sit there and think about that night... and I would go over it again and again and again and in the end it didn't resolve anything. I was just re-living the car crash and I was just re-living every little thing that happened afterwards." Mike brought his hand up to his face massaging the underneath of his eyes with his finger tips. "And all the time it ended with the question, why did I let it end like that? Why didn't I do things properly?"
Sid took Mike's free hand in her own getting him to look at her as he avoided looking into her eyes, ruffling his hair. "You know what the problem was right?" she said quietly. "We were both really young back then. There was too much all going on at once Mike."
"I never cheated on you Sid." Mike said suddenly.
Sid looked at Mike swallowing the lump in her throat. "Mike... "
"I never once did. Never."
Sid tore her eyes away from him looking down at the table as Mike lifted his head looking at her. "I've made some mistakes... I'm not a perfect man I'll admit it. I cheated on Ana you know. Not willingly... I was messed up. But I never cheated on you Sid. I was a dick but I didn't cheat on you."
"Why did you say you did?" Sid whispered bringing her hands up to her face wiping the tears that had started rolling down her cheeks.
Mike took in a shaky breath looking at her. "Because I was jealous."
"There were so many other things... " Sid said shaking her head wiping her face looking back at Mike. "Other things that made me leave Mike."
"I know." Mike agreed. "I treated you like shit Sid I know. You didn't deserve it... "
"It wasn't just that... " she interrupted.
Just when Mike was about to open his mouth the two of them heard the stairs creak above them as some footsteps made their way downstairs. Mike looked at Sid frowning as she stared at the kitchen door.
"Someone else here?" Mike asked but he got no answer. Instead his answer was standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
Mike's breath hitched in his throat as he looked down at the small boy who looked like he was still half asleep. He couldn't have been more than five or six years of age. He was wearing a pair of power ranger's pajamas and he had a load of thick dark brown hair messily arranged on the top of his head. His bright blue eyes merely glanced at the two adults sitting at the kitchen table.
"Morning mummy... " he grumbled in an adorable little English accent before going further down the corridor into the living room. Mike looked at Sid who was still looking at the doorway before turning her head so her eyes met Mike's.
"Who was that?" Mike managed.
"That... was your son."
"Oh yeah. He still talks in his sleep... only rarely though. It's not as bad as it used to be when we were in the pod."
It was way past midnight and Mike and Sid were the only ones left standing after Tre and Billie had crashed out on the hotel room floor. The night had passed so easily it was almost as if Sid had never left... it was like the six years apart had never happened and everything was just... normal again. But there was still something... something in the back of Mike's head that was jabbing at him. Questions, explanations, so many things that had to be said between the two of them. But how could he do it now? She had just suddenly walked back into his life... he didn't have time to prepare for this at all.
After a few more hours of easy talking between the two of them Mike poured Sid another drink as the two of them sat on the marble floor opposite each other.
"Tell me about your house." Mike asked.
"It's small." She shrugged. "It's English. It's... just a house." She smiled picking up her drink.
"Is that it?" Mike asked disappointed. "I mean... no secret passages, no buried treasure, no twisted garden type thing going on?"
Sid laughed at him shaking her head. "No... it's just outside of London so it's not like one of those classic British country home type things. But... it's nice."
"You ever thought of coming back to America any time soon?" Mike asked quite suddenly.
Sid looked at him biting her lip. "I don't know... " she said truthfully.
"I need to go to the bathroom." Mike groaned picking himself up off the floor. "I'll be back in a moment... " he trailed.
Sid watched him stumble out of the small bar area as he stepped over Billie's sleeping body going into the small bathroom.
After a few seconds Mike opened the bathroom door slowly making his way back over to the bar silently. He saw Sid now standing up getting some more glasses from the cupboard as he went over to her. She didn't notice him behind her as he just stood and watched her for a couple of seconds admiring her shape from behind.
"Why did you leave me?" he said all of a sudden surprising her.
Sid turned around to look at Mike. She glanced over at Billie and Tre quickly to make sure they were still asleep as she looked back at Mike who was watching her closely.
"I didn't leave you. I left home."
"You left me." Mike swallowed. "Why d'you do it? I just wanna know if it was something I said-"
"You know what it was!" Sid said trying not to raise her voice as she came closer to him. "Don't act as if you don't know. I left because you hurt me. It's that simple."
"You hurt me just as much as I hurt you." Mike shot back. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"
Sid breathed in heavily itching her ear nervously. "Mike please... "
"Sid." Mike cut in on her. "I don't think you understand... what I went through."
"Oh I don't understand what you went through?" Sid said in a high voice pointing a finger at his chest. "Well jeez Mike I am so sorry. You know I'm really sorry you had to leave me to go on tour and go off and have the time of your life! That must've been so hard for you." She said sarcastically.
"You think it was like that don't you? You think that I just took loads of drugs and fucked everything!"
"Don't tell me otherwise. I'm not stupid."
"Jesus Christ... " Mike mumbled. "There's a lot you still don't know about me. I'm a changed man."
Sid shook her head looking at the floor. "Listen Mike... there are some things, you don't understand... "
"Then why don't you make me understand?" Mike said going forward slightly. "What makes you think that I won't understand now huh? I'm a little more grown up than I was six years ago! I had a wife... I've got a kid! I know you think that when you left I just moved on or whatever... but it wasn't like that. You killed me... "
"I killed you?" Sid frowned. "What about me? You think it was easy for me to? Just to leave. Leave my home, leave my friends? No Mike, it was hard for me to. It killed me to-"
"Then why d'you do it?" Mike urged.
"Because I had to!" Sid burst trying hard not to wake up Tre and Billie who were still fast asleep. "It was the only right thing to do. If I had stayed it just would've damaged us more than... more than the damage that had been done. Don't you think enough had been done?"
"You know every day... every day I tried to think of what I had done wrong... what I could've done to have made you not go away. Sid... me and you had something me and Ana never had."
Sid sighed out deeply turning her back on him. "Please don't do this now... "
"What am I doing? I know you understand what I'm saying but there are still things between us that are just kept in the dark. I only felt like shit because I knew I had made you feel like shit. That's a tough thing for a guy to do... .to admit that it was his fault." Mike looked at the back of Sid studying her closely wondering if she was crying or not. He went forward very slowly putting a hand on her arm. "Sid... let me in your life again... " he whispered.
Sid breathed in heavily closing her eyes tightly before opening them again. "How can I allow myself to do that?"
"Let me prove to you that I've changed. I'm still the Mike you fell in love with at that Halloween party Sid. I'm just grown up... "
Sid turned around slowly to look at him. "There's a lot-"
"That needs to be said I know." Mike finished for her. They both looked out of the window seeing the sky was slowly getting lighter and lighter.
"What's the time?" Sid asked.
"It must be around four or five o'clock." Mike whispered.
"I should get home."
Mike looked at her swallowing the lump in his throat. "Let me take you home... ?"
Sid looked back at him for a long time as their eyes met for the first time that evening. She nodded her head slowly as he smiled warmly at her.
"D'you think we should just leave these two here then?" Sid asked looking at Tre who was on the couch and Billie on the floor.
"Yeah just leave 'em. When they wake up they'll figure out where they are... probably argue, then go back to the room."
***
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions, oh, let's go back to the start, running in circles, coming up tails, its only science apart, nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part, nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard, oh, take me back to the start... - The Scientist - Coldplay
Once the two had arrived at Sid's house it was about five o'clock in the morning. There was a hazy fog outside and the morning air was so cold it had even frosted the windows. Sid quietly opened the front door allowing Mike in as he looked around him studying her house. They came through a small way as she led him into the kitchen and indicated for him to sit down. He sat in a wooden chair at the round table as Sid turned around to look at him.
"Two secs... I just need to do something." She said quietly. Mike nodded his head as she left the kitchen and he heard the staircase creak under her feet. He smiled to himself lightly looking around him again at the small kitchen. He tapped his feet on the tiled floor thinking about all that had happened in the past twelve hours. It all seemed pretty surreal. Was she really there? Was he gonna wake up and find her gone again... ? The thought of it almost scared him. He couldn't loose her again...
After a few seconds he heard some more footsteps on the staircase and some whispering coming from the hallway. Not much longer Sid appeared in the kitchen doorway smiling wearily.
"Just a friend. I let her crash here last night." She explained as Mike's mouth formed into an 'o'.
"You didn't have to tell her she had to go just because I'm here you know." Mike said raising an eyebrow.
"Eh, she starts work in an hour anyway."
"Oh... jeez, tough sub."
Sid chuckled at him going over to the counter. "Do you want a drink?" she asked casually.
"Good old coffee would do me absolutely fine." Mike said heavily stretching his arms above his head. Sid smiled into the kettle half heartedly. She looked back at Mike for a second or two before turning away quickly.
"What do you think's gonna happen to Green Day then? You guys gonna go back into recording?" Sid questioned.
"I dunno." Mike sighed. "I don't even know if they're that keen on going on with this any more... "
Sid turned around leaning against the counter frowning at Mike. "Are you serious?"
Mike shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know anymore. What's even serious and what isn't, I mean it's becoming a bit of a joke now."
"You'll get over it... " Sid trailed pouring the water in the mug.
"You think?"
"Of course you will." She re-assured placing Mike's coffee in front of him as she sat opposite him. "You think I don't know you guys already. You've had bad patches before. It's a bumpy ride, stardom. I hear a lot of it you know."
"I know we've had bad patches before Sid but this is different. I'm telling you I mean... it's personal this time you know? I don't think we can cope for much longer. You know Tre just got re-married and it's already falling apart and he's blaming it on Green Day. And Billie and Adie really aren't doing well... " Mike paused biting his lip looking at Sid. "And then you come along."
"I come along?" Sid repeated raising an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Mike rested his elbows on the table running his two hands through his newly died jet black hair. "It's just... " Mike paused then looked back up at her not quite sure how to finish the sentence. "I'm just surprised that's all... " he whispered.
"What do you expect me to say Mike?" Sid replied. "Did you think you could avoid me forever?"
"Of course not." Mike said quickly.
"I waited for you." Sid said quietly as Mike stared at her. "I waited but you never came."
Mike took in a raspy breath putting both his hands down on the table in front of him. "You know sometimes I thought about... what you were doing. Who you were with... just sometimes it would randomly pop into my head you know? Like I wonder what Sid's doing right now? And I could've easily asked Charlie... or Adrienne but something in the back of my brain was telling me other wise. It's as if... I was scared to find out because I thought maybe if I knew... it would tempt me to talk to you... and I couldn't talk to you because... I didn't know what to say."
Sid licked her lips nervously looking at Mike who was staring at his hands. "But the real reason was because I didn't want to explain myself... I was just hiding from it all."
Sid didn't know what to say. She just sat there silently as Mike breathed in heavily, continuing. "But all the while I was hiding from it I just thought about it more. And I kept telling myself that it would be the last time. I would try and analyze it and I promised myself each time that it would be the last time. I would try and figure it out but it didn't work. I had all this time on my hands with nothing to do so I would sit there and think about that night... and I would go over it again and again and again and in the end it didn't resolve anything. I was just re-living the car crash and I was just re-living every little thing that happened afterwards." Mike brought his hand up to his face massaging the underneath of his eyes with his finger tips. "And all the time it ended with the question, why did I let it end like that? Why didn't I do things properly?"
Sid took Mike's free hand in her own getting him to look at her as he avoided looking into her eyes, ruffling his hair. "You know what the problem was right?" she said quietly. "We were both really young back then. There was too much all going on at once Mike."
"I never cheated on you Sid." Mike said suddenly.
Sid looked at Mike swallowing the lump in her throat. "Mike... "
"I never once did. Never."
Sid tore her eyes away from him looking down at the table as Mike lifted his head looking at her. "I've made some mistakes... I'm not a perfect man I'll admit it. I cheated on Ana you know. Not willingly... I was messed up. But I never cheated on you Sid. I was a dick but I didn't cheat on you."
"Why did you say you did?" Sid whispered bringing her hands up to her face wiping the tears that had started rolling down her cheeks.
Mike took in a shaky breath looking at her. "Because I was jealous."
"There were so many other things... " Sid said shaking her head wiping her face looking back at Mike. "Other things that made me leave Mike."
"I know." Mike agreed. "I treated you like shit Sid I know. You didn't deserve it... "
"It wasn't just that... " she interrupted.
Just when Mike was about to open his mouth the two of them heard the stairs creak above them as some footsteps made their way downstairs. Mike looked at Sid frowning as she stared at the kitchen door.
"Someone else here?" Mike asked but he got no answer. Instead his answer was standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
Mike's breath hitched in his throat as he looked down at the small boy who looked like he was still half asleep. He couldn't have been more than five or six years of age. He was wearing a pair of power ranger's pajamas and he had a load of thick dark brown hair messily arranged on the top of his head. His bright blue eyes merely glanced at the two adults sitting at the kitchen table.
"Morning mummy... " he grumbled in an adorable little English accent before going further down the corridor into the living room. Mike looked at Sid who was still looking at the doorway before turning her head so her eyes met Mike's.
"Who was that?" Mike managed.
"That... was your son."
