Violence of Summer, chapter 42
Mike just stared at her. For a long long time. His mouth fell open and his throat dried up. He brought his hand up to his face rubbing it over his eyes as he started laughing slightly.
"Mike..." Sid trailed.
"Oh god..." Mike said burying his head in his hands. "Jesus fucking Christ..."
"Mike I'm so sorry..." Sid said looking at Mike biting her bottom lip.
Mike placed his hands over his mouth shaking his head looking down at the table. "Are you sure?"
Sid chuckled half heartedly. "Positive."
Mike stood up quickly as Sid watched him quietly as he roamed around the kitchen quickly and his breathing became quicker. She grabbed his arm stopping him from pacing. "Mike sit down..."
"Why?" Mike said looking at her. He kneeled down in front of her trying to hold it all in as he breathed in shakily. "Just why?"
"Because I had to."
"Really!?" Mike said loudly as his eyes watered up. "Really Sid? You had to? Is that the best you can do?"
"I was scared!" Sid said grabbing hold of Mike's head so he looked at her. "Mike I was twenty two years old! I couldn't trust you to look after yourself forget your child! I didn't know until I came to England Mike" she said truthfully. "I lost my baby in that car crash. And then I fell pregnant again with your baby, you think I was going to get rid of it?"
"Why didn't you come back?" Mike whispered as the tears ran down his face and he continued looking up at her from the floor. "Why didn't you come back if you were pregnant with my child?"
"Because I didn't think you loved me anymore," Sid said biting her bottom lip as her eyes swelled up with tears.
Mike buried his head in her lap letting all his body weight go. He shook his head against her as she attempted to wipe the tears from her face. The two of them sat there silently for a few moments as Mike tried to get a grasp of this whole situation. In one night the girl he loved had come back into his life and he found out he had a six year old son. He took in a raspy breath trying to control his emotions and act like a man.
"What's his name?" he asked quietly.
Sid looked down at him swallowing the lump in her throat. "Ryan." Mike looked up at her smiling ever so slightly. "Do you want me introduce you to him?" Sid asked.
Mike bit his lips together standing up slowly as Sid stood up with him. "Okay..." he whispered.
He had never been so nervous about something in all his life. This was like no show, no performance, it was like nothing Mike had ever done. He had to face a challenge he thought he would never have to face in his life. Of course he knew how to handle kids after all Estelle wasn't the easiest child on earth but this was completely different. He had been by Stella's side since the day she had been produced. He didn't have the smallest inkling about Ryan. What if he messed up? What if the kid thought he was a freak? Or didn't like him? After all... To Ryan... Mike was just a stranger.
Sid took Mike's hand leading him out of the kitchen through the small corridor into the living room where Ryan was sat still half asleep on the couch with the T. V on quietly in the background.
Sid went over to Ryan kneeling down in front of the couch kissing him on the forehead softly. She smiled brightly at him brushing his hair back. "'Morning sunshine."
Ryan smiled back at his mother as Sid turned her head slightly to look at Mike who was standing next to the couch watching the two of them in awe. She motioned for him to come and kneel down beside her before turning her head back to look at Ryan.
"Ryan I want you to meet someone," she said to her blue eyed son as she pulled him of the couch so he was standing next to her so he was facing Mike. "This Mike." She whispered stroking the back of his hair. "This is your daddy, Ryan."
Ryan curiously studied Mike for a couple of seconds as he blinked his eyes at the tall man who was knelt down in front of him. Mike smiled back at him as Ryan watched him intently. "Hey kiddo... "
Ryan widened his eyes at Mike studying his black hair and his bright blue eyes. After a few seconds Ryan smiled back at Mike as he felt a slight tinge of warmness run through his body. "Hi daddy..." Ryan whispered back.
Mike was shaking as he tried his uttermost hardest not to show it. The words that had just escaped from the little child's mouth almost bewildered him. This was all too surreal. Was it really his? It had to be...
"Honey why don't you go get some clothes on and I'll make you some breakfast okay?" Sid said kissing Ryan's cheek attentively. Ryan turned to look at his mother smiling happily.
"Okay!" he said brightly. He ran past her quickly going out of the living room running upstairs. Mike fell against the couch running a hand through his hair as he felt the exhaustion of his body hit him. He had only just realized that he hadn't had a wink of sleep all night. He turned his head to look at Sid nervously as she smiled back at him.
"How did I do?" Mike asked.
"Brilliant," Sid said chuckling. Mike tutted staring at the T. V that was showing an episode of Pingu. "I know you're a good father Mike." Sid said sternly as Mike turned his head to look at her.
"How would you know that?"
"I just know. Charlie said you're amazing with Estelle."
Mike stared at the carpet below him skewing his mouth to one side. "I tried baby. I tried." He said shaking his head. "But I couldn't even do that right. What's to say I can this time?"
"You're still her father. Just because you and Ana aren't together anymore doesn't mean you still can't be the great dad that you are."
Mike swallowed the lump in his throat massaging his forehead. "I'm so tired Sid," he sighed. "I'm so tired of trying to make things right. Everything around me feels like it's falling apart. My friends are falling apart; my job is falling apart, cheesh my marriage fell apart years ago. I don't want to walk into this boy's life and let him see that his dad is a guy who's falling apart."
"But you're not falling apart," Sid said moving forward putting a hand on the side of Mike's face. "I know you... Really. I know the real you. When you fall apart you're as weak as anything. But when people around you fall apart you become stronger than ever."
Mike turned his head to look at her studying her face. She was still so concerned about him. Did they still have that spark? Did finding out that she had his son make a difference and what if it did? Maybe it was for the better. Mike felt in the back of his head that this could be his chance to show how much of a changed man he was. How much growing up he had done. He still loved her... He had never stopped loving her, but how did he say that now? After all that had happened in the past few hours...
"I fell apart to," Mike whispered.
"You're not falling apart now. Everyone around you may be, but you're not."
"Then why do I feel like I'm carrying a huge burden on my shoulders?"
"Because you're feeling as if it's your responsibility to put everything back in its place again, but it's not Mike. We all learn from our own mistakes sometimes you have to let people fall apart to become stronger."
Mike breathed in heavily staring straight ahead of him in deep thought. Sid watched his profile carefully still being able to smell that same scent that had haunted her from six years ago. From the moment she had laid eyes on him the previous evening she knew that he was the one. The one and only man she was ever meant to be with.
"I'm falling apart Mike." Sid whispered suddenly. Mike turned to look at her as their eyes met. "You can help me... "
Their eyes burned into each others for a while as Mike swallowed the huge lump in his throat. Sid's eyes still mesmerized him. It was like the first time they looked at each other... He leaned forward slowly as she closed her eyes waiting for his lips to touch hers.
Just as their lips touched a small voice in the doorway made the two adults jerk their heads away from each other. Sid smiled at her son who was stood in the living room doorway fully dressed smiling back at his parents who were sat in front of the couch opposite each other.
"I'm hungry mummy..." he said loudly.
"Well we can't have that can we?" Sid said glancing over at Mike as he smiled back at her, watching her get up.
"Can we go to the park today?" Ryan asked looking up at his mother with wide eyes.
"One thing at a time honey okay?"
Mike got up on his feet as Ryan bounced with excitement running into the kitchen. "Wow he wakes up quickly enough doesn't he?"
"Yeah that definitely comes from you, I was shy as shit when I was that age." Sid laughed turning to look at Mike as he grinned down at her.
"He's a beautiful boy Sid."
"Obviously." Sid smiled as she held onto the bottom of Mike's t-shirt. "He's our son."
"I guess I should call the boys," Mike sighed. "Today's just gonna be us okay? Me you and Ryan. I'm gonna make this right Sid."
"Mike..." Sid trailed.
"Oh god..." Mike said burying his head in his hands. "Jesus fucking Christ..."
"Mike I'm so sorry..." Sid said looking at Mike biting her bottom lip.
Mike placed his hands over his mouth shaking his head looking down at the table. "Are you sure?"
Sid chuckled half heartedly. "Positive."
Mike stood up quickly as Sid watched him quietly as he roamed around the kitchen quickly and his breathing became quicker. She grabbed his arm stopping him from pacing. "Mike sit down..."
"Why?" Mike said looking at her. He kneeled down in front of her trying to hold it all in as he breathed in shakily. "Just why?"
"Because I had to."
"Really!?" Mike said loudly as his eyes watered up. "Really Sid? You had to? Is that the best you can do?"
"I was scared!" Sid said grabbing hold of Mike's head so he looked at her. "Mike I was twenty two years old! I couldn't trust you to look after yourself forget your child! I didn't know until I came to England Mike" she said truthfully. "I lost my baby in that car crash. And then I fell pregnant again with your baby, you think I was going to get rid of it?"
"Why didn't you come back?" Mike whispered as the tears ran down his face and he continued looking up at her from the floor. "Why didn't you come back if you were pregnant with my child?"
"Because I didn't think you loved me anymore," Sid said biting her bottom lip as her eyes swelled up with tears.
Mike buried his head in her lap letting all his body weight go. He shook his head against her as she attempted to wipe the tears from her face. The two of them sat there silently for a few moments as Mike tried to get a grasp of this whole situation. In one night the girl he loved had come back into his life and he found out he had a six year old son. He took in a raspy breath trying to control his emotions and act like a man.
"What's his name?" he asked quietly.
Sid looked down at him swallowing the lump in her throat. "Ryan." Mike looked up at her smiling ever so slightly. "Do you want me introduce you to him?" Sid asked.
Mike bit his lips together standing up slowly as Sid stood up with him. "Okay..." he whispered.
He had never been so nervous about something in all his life. This was like no show, no performance, it was like nothing Mike had ever done. He had to face a challenge he thought he would never have to face in his life. Of course he knew how to handle kids after all Estelle wasn't the easiest child on earth but this was completely different. He had been by Stella's side since the day she had been produced. He didn't have the smallest inkling about Ryan. What if he messed up? What if the kid thought he was a freak? Or didn't like him? After all... To Ryan... Mike was just a stranger.
Sid took Mike's hand leading him out of the kitchen through the small corridor into the living room where Ryan was sat still half asleep on the couch with the T. V on quietly in the background.
Sid went over to Ryan kneeling down in front of the couch kissing him on the forehead softly. She smiled brightly at him brushing his hair back. "'Morning sunshine."
Ryan smiled back at his mother as Sid turned her head slightly to look at Mike who was standing next to the couch watching the two of them in awe. She motioned for him to come and kneel down beside her before turning her head back to look at Ryan.
"Ryan I want you to meet someone," she said to her blue eyed son as she pulled him of the couch so he was standing next to her so he was facing Mike. "This Mike." She whispered stroking the back of his hair. "This is your daddy, Ryan."
Ryan curiously studied Mike for a couple of seconds as he blinked his eyes at the tall man who was knelt down in front of him. Mike smiled back at him as Ryan watched him intently. "Hey kiddo... "
Ryan widened his eyes at Mike studying his black hair and his bright blue eyes. After a few seconds Ryan smiled back at Mike as he felt a slight tinge of warmness run through his body. "Hi daddy..." Ryan whispered back.
Mike was shaking as he tried his uttermost hardest not to show it. The words that had just escaped from the little child's mouth almost bewildered him. This was all too surreal. Was it really his? It had to be...
"Honey why don't you go get some clothes on and I'll make you some breakfast okay?" Sid said kissing Ryan's cheek attentively. Ryan turned to look at his mother smiling happily.
"Okay!" he said brightly. He ran past her quickly going out of the living room running upstairs. Mike fell against the couch running a hand through his hair as he felt the exhaustion of his body hit him. He had only just realized that he hadn't had a wink of sleep all night. He turned his head to look at Sid nervously as she smiled back at him.
"How did I do?" Mike asked.
"Brilliant," Sid said chuckling. Mike tutted staring at the T. V that was showing an episode of Pingu. "I know you're a good father Mike." Sid said sternly as Mike turned his head to look at her.
"How would you know that?"
"I just know. Charlie said you're amazing with Estelle."
Mike stared at the carpet below him skewing his mouth to one side. "I tried baby. I tried." He said shaking his head. "But I couldn't even do that right. What's to say I can this time?"
"You're still her father. Just because you and Ana aren't together anymore doesn't mean you still can't be the great dad that you are."
Mike swallowed the lump in his throat massaging his forehead. "I'm so tired Sid," he sighed. "I'm so tired of trying to make things right. Everything around me feels like it's falling apart. My friends are falling apart; my job is falling apart, cheesh my marriage fell apart years ago. I don't want to walk into this boy's life and let him see that his dad is a guy who's falling apart."
"But you're not falling apart," Sid said moving forward putting a hand on the side of Mike's face. "I know you... Really. I know the real you. When you fall apart you're as weak as anything. But when people around you fall apart you become stronger than ever."
Mike turned his head to look at her studying her face. She was still so concerned about him. Did they still have that spark? Did finding out that she had his son make a difference and what if it did? Maybe it was for the better. Mike felt in the back of his head that this could be his chance to show how much of a changed man he was. How much growing up he had done. He still loved her... He had never stopped loving her, but how did he say that now? After all that had happened in the past few hours...
"I fell apart to," Mike whispered.
"You're not falling apart now. Everyone around you may be, but you're not."
"Then why do I feel like I'm carrying a huge burden on my shoulders?"
"Because you're feeling as if it's your responsibility to put everything back in its place again, but it's not Mike. We all learn from our own mistakes sometimes you have to let people fall apart to become stronger."
Mike breathed in heavily staring straight ahead of him in deep thought. Sid watched his profile carefully still being able to smell that same scent that had haunted her from six years ago. From the moment she had laid eyes on him the previous evening she knew that he was the one. The one and only man she was ever meant to be with.
"I'm falling apart Mike." Sid whispered suddenly. Mike turned to look at her as their eyes met. "You can help me... "
Their eyes burned into each others for a while as Mike swallowed the huge lump in his throat. Sid's eyes still mesmerized him. It was like the first time they looked at each other... He leaned forward slowly as she closed her eyes waiting for his lips to touch hers.
Just as their lips touched a small voice in the doorway made the two adults jerk their heads away from each other. Sid smiled at her son who was stood in the living room doorway fully dressed smiling back at his parents who were sat in front of the couch opposite each other.
"I'm hungry mummy..." he said loudly.
"Well we can't have that can we?" Sid said glancing over at Mike as he smiled back at her, watching her get up.
"Can we go to the park today?" Ryan asked looking up at his mother with wide eyes.
"One thing at a time honey okay?"
Mike got up on his feet as Ryan bounced with excitement running into the kitchen. "Wow he wakes up quickly enough doesn't he?"
"Yeah that definitely comes from you, I was shy as shit when I was that age." Sid laughed turning to look at Mike as he grinned down at her.
"He's a beautiful boy Sid."
"Obviously." Sid smiled as she held onto the bottom of Mike's t-shirt. "He's our son."
"I guess I should call the boys," Mike sighed. "Today's just gonna be us okay? Me you and Ryan. I'm gonna make this right Sid."
