Feelings And Scars Are Permanent (Sequel to Why Do Bad Things Always Happen To Us?), chapter 6
I woke up sometime the next day still on the couch. I yawned and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. Slowly I got up from the couch and saw Billie Joe. He was asleep in the recliner. He looked so adorable when he was asleep. He looked very innocent too. I couldn't help but smile. I took the blanket off of me and walked through the living room and into the bathroom.
"Uh, I look horrible." I said as I bagan washing the smeared eye liner off my face.
I fixed my hair and everything and headed back towards the living room, sitting on the couch. I turned on the TV but kept it low because Billie Joe was still asleep. Hopefully, this time he won't fall off the recliner like he did on the couch the other day.
Billie Joe wiggled around and turned over yawning. I smiled but kept my eyes on the TV. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him get up and look and look around. Finally, I turned to look at him and smiled.
"Hey Billie."
"Hey." He said back. "What time is it?"
"Uh.. I don't know."
"Hmm.." He looked around for a clock. "There it is!"
"You've lived in this house for how long? And you had trouble finding a clock?"
".. Yes. So? What's your point?"
"My point is that you're insane."
Billie Joe smiled a cheekie grin and said, "Took you this long to figure this out?"
"No, I've known this ever since I met you that very first day of school."
"I remember that. You looked so cuuuuuute."
"Ohh, I looked cute."
Billie Joe shook his head.
"You still look cute!"
"I was just messing around with yah Billie boy."
"When will you stop that?" Billie Joe asked as he sat down next to me.
"When pigs-" But I was cut off by the phone ringing.
Billie Joe got up and answered the phone.
"Hello? Oh yeah. She's here. Just a sec."
"Who is it?" I whispered.
"It's your dad."
I sighed and took the phone, "Hello?"
"Steph, come home."
"Why?"
"Because I said so, damnit."
"Fine."
"Were you the only one who stayed at the house with that boy?"
"Dad, he has a name."
"Answer me."
"Yes."
"What were you doing?"
"Watching TV and movies. Dad. I'm not stupid."
".. Come home now though."
"But-"
"No buts! Just do it, damnit!" And with that he hung up.
I sighed and hung up.
"Fucking twat." I whispered. "I have to go Billie."
"Okay. Do you want me to walk with you there?"
"Nah. I'll be fine. I just gotta go change and get ready." I said walking towards the bathroom.
***
"I'm home!" I yelled as I entered my home.
"I'm in here." I heard my father say from the living room.
"Hi." I said to him.
"I don't like it when you stay there by yourself. That boy.. He just wants to get into your pants."
I gave him a confused and pissed off look.
"Dad! You've known Billie Joe for about 4 years! You can't honestly tell me that that's what you think."
"He's a boy. Every boy is like that."
"Yeah well not Billie Joe. You're wrong."
My father slammed his fist onto the coffee table.
"I am never wrong. Don't talk to me like you know it all. How can you be so stupid?"
"Gee, I wonder."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
I looked at him, "Whatever you want it to mean."
He smacked me across the face.
"Go away." I said holding my face. "Why don't you just go away?! You don't do this world any good."
I began heading for my room when my dad grabbed my wrist hard and pulled me back. He grabbed my other one hard and began to shake me.
"Stop it!" I yelled. "Stop!"
He began to pull me to my room but I tripped. So he was dragging me.
"Dad! Ow! You're hurting me! Stop damnit!" I yelled again.
He pulled me up by my wrists which hurt really bad. He looked me in the eye and pushed me hard in my room and he closed the door. But he closed it before he could see me trip backwards and fall, hitting my head on the post of my bed. I fell over unconcious.
***
I woke up finally with a major headache. Everything was a bit fuzzy. I got up and looked around confused. I was in my room. What the hell happened earlier?
I grabbed my head and winced in pain.
"Ahh, what the fuck?" I said getting up.
I looked at my bruised wrists. Oh.. Dad. I should've known. Of fucking course. Bastard. I'm so sick of this. I went to my closet to change into clean clothes and grabbed a pair of jeans, undergarmets, a long sleeve white t-shirt, and short sleeve black shirt that says 'Bite Me' in white and got dressed. Once I was finally dressed, I opened up my door and walked into the living room looking for dad.
All I found in there was a broken glass and some scattered magazines. God, when my father gets pissed he has to fucking break everything. I walked through messy living room and headed into the kitchen. I found my father sitting there drinking a cup of coffee and basically spacing out. I sat down at the table with him. He finally came back from his little world and looked at me. He didn't smile. He didn't say anything. He just stared at me then looked down taking another drink of his coffee.
"Dad.." I said after a moment of silence.
He once again looked up.
"Do you love me?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"Don't ask. Just answer."
".. Of course I do."
"How can you say that? I mean.. How can you actually believe that?"
"It's true. You're my daughter, Hannah. And I do love you."
"Why do you do this then?" I asked pulling up my sleeves revealing my bruised wrists. "If you love me so much then why do you punish me for nothing?" I had tears coming to my eyes.
I was eager to hear his response. It'd probably be something stupid or "I didn't do that." Or maybe even "You deserved it."
But, I never heard any of it. He didn't say anything. He looked down as if in shame. Was he ashamed of what he'd done to me? Finally? For once in his goddamned life?!
"You are not to tell anyone about this. You know this don't you?" He finally said.
"Gee, why not? So people won't know how truly horrible you really are?" I asked.
"I'm not a bad person. Sometimes though, your mouth gets out of hand."
"What? I don't even have to say anything and you hit me! That's crap! I came home and you were acting like an ass!"
"That's not true. And don't cuss, Stephany."
"It is true! And I'll cuss if I feel like it!"
"No you won't! Don't you dare back talk to me. Stupid little bitch."
"Bite me you fucking asshole!" I yelled at him, very pissed off.
"I said don't back talk to me nor cuss!" He said smacking my face, which left a cut from his nail. "Fucking bitch!"
He grabbed my wrists again and slammed me to the ground. I got up and he came back to me and grabbed me by the throat. He'd never done this to me before. I couldn't breathe. I started to feel light-headed.
"Let go, damnit." I whispered and kicked him in the knees as he dropped me.
I got up and ran out the door. I wasn't even sure where I was even running to. I just had to leave that place. Run away to somewhere safe. But where was safe? I was running to my answer when it finally came to me. Billie Joe.
After I don't even know how long I finally made it to his house. I stopped in his yard and walked to his door. I hurt so bad and my throat hurt so bad that I just collapsed to my knees in front of the door. I banged on the door leaning on it just pounding on it. I was crying by now. I need Billie Joe right now. I needed to feel safe, loved, and wanted.
"Billie.. Please." I whispered.
I heard Billie Joe yell coming and walking to the door. He finally opened it and looked down at me.
"Holy shit! Stephany! Oh my god!" He said getting on the ground with me.
He saw my saw my pain and picked me up, taking me to the living room couch. He saw my neck and saw red marks.
"Stephany? What's wrong with your neck? What are these marks?"
"They're from my father. He was choking me." I said.
"Wha...? How long has he been doing this?" He asked as he took my hand.
He accidently grabbed my wrist and I winced. He rolled up my sleeves and saw the bruises.
"Holy shit. What's he doing to you, Stephany? How long has he been doing this to you?"
"For years."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know. I figured I didn't need to. But I'm sick of the pain. I'm sick of him hurting me. I'm sick of crying."
"Fucking asshole. How could he hurt his own daughter? His own goddamned daughter!" Billie Joe yelled.
"I don't want to ever go back to that place. But I don't really have a choice. I live there."
"But you shouldn't have to. You and your sister should tell the police or something."
"Then where will we live if he goes to jail? I'd have to move back home with my mom."
"But she didn't want custody for you. Remember?"
"Oh, yeah. What am I going to do?" I asked beginning to cry.
"I don't know. I'm trying to think of- I got it! Remember, you have aunt in this town?"
"Oh my god! You're right! Do you think she'd take Lexi and me in?"
"She loves you don't you?"
"Yes."
"Then I think we should walk over there." Billie Joe said standing up. "Do you want to?"
I nodded.
Hopefully, she would take us in. I couldn't go on living with my dad. He was killing me slowly. And I didn't want to die.
"Uh, I look horrible." I said as I bagan washing the smeared eye liner off my face.
I fixed my hair and everything and headed back towards the living room, sitting on the couch. I turned on the TV but kept it low because Billie Joe was still asleep. Hopefully, this time he won't fall off the recliner like he did on the couch the other day.
Billie Joe wiggled around and turned over yawning. I smiled but kept my eyes on the TV. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him get up and look and look around. Finally, I turned to look at him and smiled.
"Hey Billie."
"Hey." He said back. "What time is it?"
"Uh.. I don't know."
"Hmm.." He looked around for a clock. "There it is!"
"You've lived in this house for how long? And you had trouble finding a clock?"
".. Yes. So? What's your point?"
"My point is that you're insane."
Billie Joe smiled a cheekie grin and said, "Took you this long to figure this out?"
"No, I've known this ever since I met you that very first day of school."
"I remember that. You looked so cuuuuuute."
"Ohh, I looked cute."
Billie Joe shook his head.
"You still look cute!"
"I was just messing around with yah Billie boy."
"When will you stop that?" Billie Joe asked as he sat down next to me.
"When pigs-" But I was cut off by the phone ringing.
Billie Joe got up and answered the phone.
"Hello? Oh yeah. She's here. Just a sec."
"Who is it?" I whispered.
"It's your dad."
I sighed and took the phone, "Hello?"
"Steph, come home."
"Why?"
"Because I said so, damnit."
"Fine."
"Were you the only one who stayed at the house with that boy?"
"Dad, he has a name."
"Answer me."
"Yes."
"What were you doing?"
"Watching TV and movies. Dad. I'm not stupid."
".. Come home now though."
"But-"
"No buts! Just do it, damnit!" And with that he hung up.
I sighed and hung up.
"Fucking twat." I whispered. "I have to go Billie."
"Okay. Do you want me to walk with you there?"
"Nah. I'll be fine. I just gotta go change and get ready." I said walking towards the bathroom.
***
"I'm home!" I yelled as I entered my home.
"I'm in here." I heard my father say from the living room.
"Hi." I said to him.
"I don't like it when you stay there by yourself. That boy.. He just wants to get into your pants."
I gave him a confused and pissed off look.
"Dad! You've known Billie Joe for about 4 years! You can't honestly tell me that that's what you think."
"He's a boy. Every boy is like that."
"Yeah well not Billie Joe. You're wrong."
My father slammed his fist onto the coffee table.
"I am never wrong. Don't talk to me like you know it all. How can you be so stupid?"
"Gee, I wonder."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
I looked at him, "Whatever you want it to mean."
He smacked me across the face.
"Go away." I said holding my face. "Why don't you just go away?! You don't do this world any good."
I began heading for my room when my dad grabbed my wrist hard and pulled me back. He grabbed my other one hard and began to shake me.
"Stop it!" I yelled. "Stop!"
He began to pull me to my room but I tripped. So he was dragging me.
"Dad! Ow! You're hurting me! Stop damnit!" I yelled again.
He pulled me up by my wrists which hurt really bad. He looked me in the eye and pushed me hard in my room and he closed the door. But he closed it before he could see me trip backwards and fall, hitting my head on the post of my bed. I fell over unconcious.
***
I woke up finally with a major headache. Everything was a bit fuzzy. I got up and looked around confused. I was in my room. What the hell happened earlier?
I grabbed my head and winced in pain.
"Ahh, what the fuck?" I said getting up.
I looked at my bruised wrists. Oh.. Dad. I should've known. Of fucking course. Bastard. I'm so sick of this. I went to my closet to change into clean clothes and grabbed a pair of jeans, undergarmets, a long sleeve white t-shirt, and short sleeve black shirt that says 'Bite Me' in white and got dressed. Once I was finally dressed, I opened up my door and walked into the living room looking for dad.
All I found in there was a broken glass and some scattered magazines. God, when my father gets pissed he has to fucking break everything. I walked through messy living room and headed into the kitchen. I found my father sitting there drinking a cup of coffee and basically spacing out. I sat down at the table with him. He finally came back from his little world and looked at me. He didn't smile. He didn't say anything. He just stared at me then looked down taking another drink of his coffee.
"Dad.." I said after a moment of silence.
He once again looked up.
"Do you love me?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"Don't ask. Just answer."
".. Of course I do."
"How can you say that? I mean.. How can you actually believe that?"
"It's true. You're my daughter, Hannah. And I do love you."
"Why do you do this then?" I asked pulling up my sleeves revealing my bruised wrists. "If you love me so much then why do you punish me for nothing?" I had tears coming to my eyes.
I was eager to hear his response. It'd probably be something stupid or "I didn't do that." Or maybe even "You deserved it."
But, I never heard any of it. He didn't say anything. He looked down as if in shame. Was he ashamed of what he'd done to me? Finally? For once in his goddamned life?!
"You are not to tell anyone about this. You know this don't you?" He finally said.
"Gee, why not? So people won't know how truly horrible you really are?" I asked.
"I'm not a bad person. Sometimes though, your mouth gets out of hand."
"What? I don't even have to say anything and you hit me! That's crap! I came home and you were acting like an ass!"
"That's not true. And don't cuss, Stephany."
"It is true! And I'll cuss if I feel like it!"
"No you won't! Don't you dare back talk to me. Stupid little bitch."
"Bite me you fucking asshole!" I yelled at him, very pissed off.
"I said don't back talk to me nor cuss!" He said smacking my face, which left a cut from his nail. "Fucking bitch!"
He grabbed my wrists again and slammed me to the ground. I got up and he came back to me and grabbed me by the throat. He'd never done this to me before. I couldn't breathe. I started to feel light-headed.
"Let go, damnit." I whispered and kicked him in the knees as he dropped me.
I got up and ran out the door. I wasn't even sure where I was even running to. I just had to leave that place. Run away to somewhere safe. But where was safe? I was running to my answer when it finally came to me. Billie Joe.
After I don't even know how long I finally made it to his house. I stopped in his yard and walked to his door. I hurt so bad and my throat hurt so bad that I just collapsed to my knees in front of the door. I banged on the door leaning on it just pounding on it. I was crying by now. I need Billie Joe right now. I needed to feel safe, loved, and wanted.
"Billie.. Please." I whispered.
I heard Billie Joe yell coming and walking to the door. He finally opened it and looked down at me.
"Holy shit! Stephany! Oh my god!" He said getting on the ground with me.
He saw my saw my pain and picked me up, taking me to the living room couch. He saw my neck and saw red marks.
"Stephany? What's wrong with your neck? What are these marks?"
"They're from my father. He was choking me." I said.
"Wha...? How long has he been doing this?" He asked as he took my hand.
He accidently grabbed my wrist and I winced. He rolled up my sleeves and saw the bruises.
"Holy shit. What's he doing to you, Stephany? How long has he been doing this to you?"
"For years."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know. I figured I didn't need to. But I'm sick of the pain. I'm sick of him hurting me. I'm sick of crying."
"Fucking asshole. How could he hurt his own daughter? His own goddamned daughter!" Billie Joe yelled.
"I don't want to ever go back to that place. But I don't really have a choice. I live there."
"But you shouldn't have to. You and your sister should tell the police or something."
"Then where will we live if he goes to jail? I'd have to move back home with my mom."
"But she didn't want custody for you. Remember?"
"Oh, yeah. What am I going to do?" I asked beginning to cry.
"I don't know. I'm trying to think of- I got it! Remember, you have aunt in this town?"
"Oh my god! You're right! Do you think she'd take Lexi and me in?"
"She loves you don't you?"
"Yes."
"Then I think we should walk over there." Billie Joe said standing up. "Do you want to?"
I nodded.
Hopefully, she would take us in. I couldn't go on living with my dad. He was killing me slowly. And I didn't want to die.
