Why are There No Clouds in the Sky?, chapter 7
Billie Joe Armstrong and his wife were sitting on the couch. They were sitting on the couch discussing something very important. They were discussing the fact that Billie Joe Armstrong had attempted suicide.
And was almost sucessful.
The two children sat in the back staircase trying to figure out what was going on. Joey, though 8, was still barely able to comprehend the situation. And Jakob, who was 6, had absolutely no idea what was going on.
"What are Mommy and Daddy talking about?" ; Jakob whispered to his brother.
"Something about Daddy trying to do 'suicide'," ; Joey responded. "But I don't know what that is. Now shut up shut up shut up so I can listen." ;
"Now Billie," ; Joey heard his mom say to his dad. "Why would you do such a thing right away? You've gone through thousands of things a lot worse than lately and it's not like it's the first time you've slept on the couch." ;
Billie Joe looked at his wife and sighed, "That's exactly why I did it. This stuff, it was all kind of like the last straw, you know? I don't know, I just, I just cracked. 2 months ago we were headed for divorce, we are lucky we're still together. And the fact that I made a comment to you like 'a good fuck from you' shows that I'm not respecting you like I should. Plus, my best friends are turning on me, and lately I haven't been the best dad for the boys. I think I kinda figured, hey, I'm gone all the time anyway, so why would it matter?" ;
Adrienne stroked her husbands head, "It matters Bill. It matters." ; She paused and thought for a second. "But what did you do today Billie? I know you were drunk, partially why you're clear thinking was skewed- because I know you would never do this as a sober person..." ; she said.
"What does sober mean? And what does drunk mean?" ; Jakob whispered to Joey questionably from the stairs.
"Drunk means you've drank a lot of beer or wine and sober means you haven't. Now shut up, Dad's talking," ; Joey replied.
They heard their father sigh and then he began to speak about his day. "I woke up early morning," ; he said. "Before you all- around 6. I went out and drove around, basically listening to old CD's, thinking of our band and what we've done in the past years. I drove around for 6 hours, just listening to the CD's over and over again.
"Then I stopped at a bar around noon, and drank heavily and continuously until around 5. Yes, Adrienne, I sat at a bar drinking for 5 hours. But you have no idea how depressed I was," ; he continued. "At that point, I obviously couldn't think clearly, but I had thought enough about our relationship and my friendship with the guys that I knew I couldn't take it anymore. I sped off into the distance towards the cliffs. And that's when the cops caught me." ;
Adrienne looked down, barely able to handle her husband's words. But Billie couldn't even handle his own.
He looked down and started to cry. "I was so close, Adie," ; he said through his tears. "So damn close! What if they were too late? I was Goddamn close to those cliffs, I almost did it. God, I was so damn close." ;
Adrienne stood up and the children scampered upstairs, thinking their mom was about to travel up the back stairs.
She wiped a tear from her eye, but ignored the rest of the tears that traveled down her cheeks. She knew there was no way she could wipe away all the tears that would be falling that night.
"I... I don't know Billie," ; she said, her voice getting more stuttered as she continued to speak. "I don't... I don't know what to say. It's hard to say what would've happened. But I know... But I know... I know... Jesus, why can't I get this out?!? I know... I know that I wouldn't have been able to go on without you." ;
He stood up and pulled her in tight, and for a long time they just stood their, Billie holding Adrienne, her crying into his shoulder.
For a long time they just stood there, alone, husband and wife.
And was almost sucessful.
The two children sat in the back staircase trying to figure out what was going on. Joey, though 8, was still barely able to comprehend the situation. And Jakob, who was 6, had absolutely no idea what was going on.
"What are Mommy and Daddy talking about?" ; Jakob whispered to his brother.
"Something about Daddy trying to do 'suicide'," ; Joey responded. "But I don't know what that is. Now shut up shut up shut up so I can listen." ;
"Now Billie," ; Joey heard his mom say to his dad. "Why would you do such a thing right away? You've gone through thousands of things a lot worse than lately and it's not like it's the first time you've slept on the couch." ;
Billie Joe looked at his wife and sighed, "That's exactly why I did it. This stuff, it was all kind of like the last straw, you know? I don't know, I just, I just cracked. 2 months ago we were headed for divorce, we are lucky we're still together. And the fact that I made a comment to you like 'a good fuck from you' shows that I'm not respecting you like I should. Plus, my best friends are turning on me, and lately I haven't been the best dad for the boys. I think I kinda figured, hey, I'm gone all the time anyway, so why would it matter?" ;
Adrienne stroked her husbands head, "It matters Bill. It matters." ; She paused and thought for a second. "But what did you do today Billie? I know you were drunk, partially why you're clear thinking was skewed- because I know you would never do this as a sober person..." ; she said.
"What does sober mean? And what does drunk mean?" ; Jakob whispered to Joey questionably from the stairs.
"Drunk means you've drank a lot of beer or wine and sober means you haven't. Now shut up, Dad's talking," ; Joey replied.
They heard their father sigh and then he began to speak about his day. "I woke up early morning," ; he said. "Before you all- around 6. I went out and drove around, basically listening to old CD's, thinking of our band and what we've done in the past years. I drove around for 6 hours, just listening to the CD's over and over again.
"Then I stopped at a bar around noon, and drank heavily and continuously until around 5. Yes, Adrienne, I sat at a bar drinking for 5 hours. But you have no idea how depressed I was," ; he continued. "At that point, I obviously couldn't think clearly, but I had thought enough about our relationship and my friendship with the guys that I knew I couldn't take it anymore. I sped off into the distance towards the cliffs. And that's when the cops caught me." ;
Adrienne looked down, barely able to handle her husband's words. But Billie couldn't even handle his own.
He looked down and started to cry. "I was so close, Adie," ; he said through his tears. "So damn close! What if they were too late? I was Goddamn close to those cliffs, I almost did it. God, I was so damn close." ;
Adrienne stood up and the children scampered upstairs, thinking their mom was about to travel up the back stairs.
She wiped a tear from her eye, but ignored the rest of the tears that traveled down her cheeks. She knew there was no way she could wipe away all the tears that would be falling that night.
"I... I don't know Billie," ; she said, her voice getting more stuttered as she continued to speak. "I don't... I don't know what to say. It's hard to say what would've happened. But I know... But I know... I know... Jesus, why can't I get this out?!? I know... I know that I wouldn't have been able to go on without you." ;
He stood up and pulled her in tight, and for a long time they just stood their, Billie holding Adrienne, her crying into his shoulder.
For a long time they just stood there, alone, husband and wife.
