I Wanna Be the One Who Takes the Pain, chapter 4
"Oh my fucking God that was so amazing I can't believe we just played a concert for 65, 000 people, honestly I can't, and we didn't get booed off" you piped after the show.
"Yah that was amazing" Evan sighed falling back on a chair.
"So party time or nap time?" Ian asked
"Let's wait for party time for Tre, Mike and Billie Joe. I'm gonna go see what they are up to they have 20 minutes before they have to be on" you replied getting up of a chair and leaving the room. You headed over to green day's rehearsal tent to see what was going on. When you got there you walked in to a run over of Jesus of Suburbia.
"Hearts recycled but never saved" they all sang out,
"From the cradle to the grave" you started, coming up behind Tre.
"Oh come to join us have you?" Tre turned and asked
"Slightly, I just came to see what the magnificent green day trio was up to"
"We are rehearsing, would you like to harmonies with us?" Tre asked
"Sure" you simply answered and the song was picked up were it was left off and you continued on for another 15 minutes. The boys all headed out towards the stage waiting for Blitzkrieg Bop to finish so they could run out on stage and play the shit out of themselves.
"You going to stay and watch?" Tre asked you
"Uh, yah I've always wanted to see a green day concert"
"Well be prepared to piss yourself" Tre nudge you
"Ha ha, ok I will, have any adult diapers around?"
"No sorry, but your all sweaty so no one will notice" Tre laughed
"Oh yah that is encouraging"
"It should be sweat turns me on" Tre beckoned
"Sweat turns you on? Well I've heard weirder things"
"Oh yah like what?" he asked
"Um... Matt has a thing for woman with hairy leg's"
"That's just funny. Hairy legs!" Tre began to laugh
"Ready! Let's go, let's go let's go!" Billie Joe started cheering and high-fiving everyone including Jess. Tre mouthed bye, gave a quick hug and ran out with everyone else.
You stood at the off to the side and watched the whole concert singing along with all the songs and spent a lot of time trying to refrain yourself from jumping up and down like crazy. Their show was so amazing, better then any concert you've seen in your life, most likely better then one you will ever see. Sadly it came to an end with Billie Joe playing good riddance. You hated the end of shows you always got a bit emotional because you wanted it to go on forever, coming back to reality really sucks.
"So you enjoy the show," Tre asked as he passed you to grab a bottle of water
"Yah sweaty ass, or did you piss yourself?" you answered remarking on Tre's soaked ass
"I wish I was cool enough to have but sadly its sweat"
"Yah that is unfortunate isn't it," you laughed
"Yesum very much so" he replied offering you some of his water
"Thank you, I needed that I didn't realize I haven't had anything to drink since I got off stage"
"Your welcome" Tre nodded accepting his water bottle back into his hand as the whole group headed back towards the buses.
"Hey baby great show," John said coming up behind you and taking hold of your waste and pushing Tre aside
"Oh John I didn't even think you were still here" you answered even though truthfully you forgot he even came at all.
"No I hung around I went to get some drinks after your set"
"Where are they?" you asked
"I drank them"
"Started the party without us then" Evan said
"Yah I was thirsty"
*Ring, Ring* John's phone rang; he looked at the name and answered before it had a chance to ring again.
"Hello... yah... ok... . That sounds good... . I'll be there son... I will don't worry... I'm staying at a hotel... yah... . Meet you there... . Bye" then he hung up.
"Who was that?" you asked
"Oh it was a friend of mine he wants to get together while I'm still in town. We haven't seen each other in ages want to catch up"
"Oh ok well you go have fun then" you say rather disappointed
"Ok, well you sure you don't want to come?" he asked
"No you go have fun, I'll give you the card key for the hotel I wont be back till late we're all going out for a celebration type thing ok?"
"Yah that's good, and drive safe ok, bye baby" he answered taking the card key, kissing your cheek and headed out.
"So were we going?" Evan asked
"I know a place around here its pretty good, drinks on me for the new comers" Billie Joe stated
"Sweet I always loved you" Ian said putting his arm around Billie Joe
"I know, I just have that effect on people"
"To bad he's only using you for free alcohol" Matt said
Billie Joe pushed Ian away in mock-discuss "how could you use me like that, I thought we had a beautifully bonding romantic relationship, you hurt me you really did"
"I'm sorry, I swear I love you, its not just the beer" Ian batted his eyelashes in a girly matter towards Billie Joe
"Oh I couldn't stay mad at that face" Billie Joe said and pinched Ian's cheeks
"I think I'm going to stay here for a bit you guys I kind of don't feel like partying" you said.
"Ok we will see you tomorrow then?" Matt hugged you and whispered in your ear "don't let him baling on you get you down and you will be seeing him everyday for the next month, he's coming on tour with us"
You just nodded an ok and Matt let go. You got a good-bye form everyone and a bear hug from Tre. Once everyone left you went to your bus and pulled out your guitar to write while you had the place to yourself.
You started strumming some minor chords and began making up a song as you went along, and stopped occasionally to write down the chords and lyrics pouring out of you.
"Hopes to fucking high again
Thoughts I'd make it
I was far from right
Just like it always goes for me
Never getting to far ahead
I think I'm behind in the game
My scores still zero
What am I living for?
I think I'm living to fail
Cause I'm going to fail you all
I'm going to fail myself
My head is splitting
With this pain from my heart
It's so heavy, it's sunk in my chest
Dragging with my feet on the pavement
Wearing down like the soles of my shoes
What am I living for?
I think I'm living to fail
Cause I'm going to fail you all
I'm going to fail myself
Can I get this right for once?
Tell me is this right?
Tell me I can do something out there
Tell me I won't fail
Please tell me, tell me what the hell I'm living for?
I don't want to fail, but I think I'm going to fail
I know it dammit, I'm going to fail you all
I know my own pain and I'm going to fail myself
I'm going to fail myself
Cause I'm going to fail myself
So fucking kill me now!"
You finished the song and looked at your watch to check the time.
"Holy crap 1 am I think its time to head back to the hotel for me" you put your guitar away along with the song and grabbed keys to the rental van and drove to the hotel.
You dragged your feet to the elevator and pushed the number three button. You got out and went followed the numbers till you came your room 316, you pauses hearing some muffled noises inside thinking John must be back and quietly put the card key in the door turned the handle and pushed the door open.
"Oh baby, oh yah uh ooh"
Your mouth dropped as you saw on the bed was your boyfriend and another woman who you didn't quite acknowledge having sex. They didn't even notice you were in the room and you couldn't let them know you were so shook up with anger, and in complete shock that you were frozen right there.
"Oh my god!" the woman yelled and pointed in your direction/ john turned to see you standing there and was about to push himself off. When you snapped out of your shocked state and so it began.
"YOU STUPID CHEATING FUCKING BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? HOW LONG HUH? ACCUSING ME OF FUCKING TRE! LOOK AT YOU! YOU BASTARD! GET OUT GET THE FUCK OUT!" you screamed and pulled him to the door, the woman who he was with was grabbing clothes and putting them on and running out the room as you shouted.
"Listen it's not what it looks like I... "
"NOT WHAT IT FUCKING LOOKS LIKE, THEY ALL SAY THAT. I SUPPOSE YOUR CLOTHES FELLS OF AND YOU JUST HAPPENED TO FALL ON TOP OF HER ONTO THE BED, OH YA LOGIC THERE"
"THIS ISN'T MY FUCKING FAULT, IF YOU WERE A GOOD ENOUGH GIRL FRIEND I WOULD BE HAVING SEX WITH YOU INSTEAD!" John yelled back and grabbed your arm.
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! AND HOW IS THIS MY FAULT WHAT DID I CARE TO MUCH I'M SO SORRY I TRIED TO SPEND TO MUCH TIME WITH YOU INTERRUPTING YOUR SOCIAL SEX TIME" you steamed at him
"Yah well I never loved you anyway," he answered crudely spitting out the words at you
"YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING CUNT YOU KNOW THAT"
"Don't fucking talk to me like that bitch"
"YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME HOW TO TALK TO YOU, YOU FUCKIN-"
*Smack*
You put your hand to your cheek were john slapped you hard, it had the force of any punch he could have given you already red and feeling like it was bleeding and swelling from the impact.
(Tre's point of view)
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! AND HOW IS THIS MY FAULT WHAT DID I CARE TO MUCH I'M SO SORRY I TRIED TO SPEND TO MUCH TIME WITH YOU INTERRUPTING YOUR SOCIAL SEX TIME"
'Is that Jess' you thought as you headed to your room.
"YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING CUNT YOU KNOW THAT"
'Fuck it is' you ran down the hallway to her room to see what was going on coming to her open door way
"YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME HOW TO TALK TO YOU, YOU FUCKIN-"
*Smack*
(Jessica's point of view)
"YOU FUCKING PRICK!" Tre yelled running into the room towards John and tackling him to the ground and punching the living daylights out of him.
"Tre!... Tre FUCKING STOP YOUR GOING TO KILL HIM!" you pulled Tre off John who stayed stunned and scared on the floor.
"Your saying he doesn't disserve it?!" he exclaimed.
"No Tre he doesn't just, just get him out of here please" you pleaded looking into Tre's blue eyes
"Ok, I will" he sighed and pulled John of the floor roughly, dragged him towards the doorway and pushed him out into the hall so he hit the room on the other sides and slammed the door.
You began to cry almost as soon as the door was slammed shut. Your hand was still holding your cheek trying to ease the pain but it wasn't working at all.
'I am not weak, I shouldn't be crying, I don't cry, I can't cry, I don't want to cry in front of Tre he think I'm pathetic' you thought as you fought the loosing battle of fighting back your tears.
Tre put his arm's around you to comfort you and whispered in your ear "it's ok, it's ok I'm here for you, it's ok to cry just let it out, don't fight off the tears Jess they will just come out later, you need to cry, I am here for you" he rubbed your back and led you over to the bed sat down and pulled you down with him, and brought your legs up over his own and pulled you closer to you.
You put your head into his chest and sobbed, "I don-don't wan-want to be here T-Tre"
"Don't say that you are so amazing and you don't deserve someone treating you like shit"
"No, Tre I, I don't want to-to be in-in this room, or on this bed, please Tre please can we, can we just go somewhere else" you sobbed some more.
"Ok we can go to my room, you can stay there, or if you want I can take you to Evan, Matt or Ian's rooms, they should be back soon"
"No, your rooms fine'" you whispered
You went to get up but Tre held onto you and got up carrying you in his arms and headed to the door.
"Do you have your card key?" he asked, and you nodded before he shut the door behind the two of you.
He carried you all the way down to the other end of the hall, managed to pull his card key out and open the door while still having you in his arms. He carried you over to the bed and say down the same way you both were sitting in your room.
"You're still trying not to cry Jess. I told you, you need to get it out. I will sit here with you for hours if you want to, and even if you don't I still wont leave you"
You griped Tre's shirt and pushed your face into his chest more breathing in deeply. The tears squeezed out of your eyes and wouldn't stop, you couldn't control yourself, and you haven't cried in years you never let yourself. You let everything out of you, all the pain and emotional stress that has been built up inside you for the last few years all came out of you.
After sitting on Tre's lap for 15 minutes he pulled you down to a laying position on the bed keeping you close to him. You laid there with him crying until you eventually fell asleep around 3:30 am.
After Tre look down at your now calm sleeping form, he pulled blankets up over the two of you, put his arms around you and drifted off to sleep himself.
"Yah that was amazing" Evan sighed falling back on a chair.
"So party time or nap time?" Ian asked
"Let's wait for party time for Tre, Mike and Billie Joe. I'm gonna go see what they are up to they have 20 minutes before they have to be on" you replied getting up of a chair and leaving the room. You headed over to green day's rehearsal tent to see what was going on. When you got there you walked in to a run over of Jesus of Suburbia.
"Hearts recycled but never saved" they all sang out,
"From the cradle to the grave" you started, coming up behind Tre.
"Oh come to join us have you?" Tre turned and asked
"Slightly, I just came to see what the magnificent green day trio was up to"
"We are rehearsing, would you like to harmonies with us?" Tre asked
"Sure" you simply answered and the song was picked up were it was left off and you continued on for another 15 minutes. The boys all headed out towards the stage waiting for Blitzkrieg Bop to finish so they could run out on stage and play the shit out of themselves.
"You going to stay and watch?" Tre asked you
"Uh, yah I've always wanted to see a green day concert"
"Well be prepared to piss yourself" Tre nudge you
"Ha ha, ok I will, have any adult diapers around?"
"No sorry, but your all sweaty so no one will notice" Tre laughed
"Oh yah that is encouraging"
"It should be sweat turns me on" Tre beckoned
"Sweat turns you on? Well I've heard weirder things"
"Oh yah like what?" he asked
"Um... Matt has a thing for woman with hairy leg's"
"That's just funny. Hairy legs!" Tre began to laugh
"Ready! Let's go, let's go let's go!" Billie Joe started cheering and high-fiving everyone including Jess. Tre mouthed bye, gave a quick hug and ran out with everyone else.
You stood at the off to the side and watched the whole concert singing along with all the songs and spent a lot of time trying to refrain yourself from jumping up and down like crazy. Their show was so amazing, better then any concert you've seen in your life, most likely better then one you will ever see. Sadly it came to an end with Billie Joe playing good riddance. You hated the end of shows you always got a bit emotional because you wanted it to go on forever, coming back to reality really sucks.
"So you enjoy the show," Tre asked as he passed you to grab a bottle of water
"Yah sweaty ass, or did you piss yourself?" you answered remarking on Tre's soaked ass
"I wish I was cool enough to have but sadly its sweat"
"Yah that is unfortunate isn't it," you laughed
"Yesum very much so" he replied offering you some of his water
"Thank you, I needed that I didn't realize I haven't had anything to drink since I got off stage"
"Your welcome" Tre nodded accepting his water bottle back into his hand as the whole group headed back towards the buses.
"Hey baby great show," John said coming up behind you and taking hold of your waste and pushing Tre aside
"Oh John I didn't even think you were still here" you answered even though truthfully you forgot he even came at all.
"No I hung around I went to get some drinks after your set"
"Where are they?" you asked
"I drank them"
"Started the party without us then" Evan said
"Yah I was thirsty"
*Ring, Ring* John's phone rang; he looked at the name and answered before it had a chance to ring again.
"Hello... yah... ok... . That sounds good... . I'll be there son... I will don't worry... I'm staying at a hotel... yah... . Meet you there... . Bye" then he hung up.
"Who was that?" you asked
"Oh it was a friend of mine he wants to get together while I'm still in town. We haven't seen each other in ages want to catch up"
"Oh ok well you go have fun then" you say rather disappointed
"Ok, well you sure you don't want to come?" he asked
"No you go have fun, I'll give you the card key for the hotel I wont be back till late we're all going out for a celebration type thing ok?"
"Yah that's good, and drive safe ok, bye baby" he answered taking the card key, kissing your cheek and headed out.
"So were we going?" Evan asked
"I know a place around here its pretty good, drinks on me for the new comers" Billie Joe stated
"Sweet I always loved you" Ian said putting his arm around Billie Joe
"I know, I just have that effect on people"
"To bad he's only using you for free alcohol" Matt said
Billie Joe pushed Ian away in mock-discuss "how could you use me like that, I thought we had a beautifully bonding romantic relationship, you hurt me you really did"
"I'm sorry, I swear I love you, its not just the beer" Ian batted his eyelashes in a girly matter towards Billie Joe
"Oh I couldn't stay mad at that face" Billie Joe said and pinched Ian's cheeks
"I think I'm going to stay here for a bit you guys I kind of don't feel like partying" you said.
"Ok we will see you tomorrow then?" Matt hugged you and whispered in your ear "don't let him baling on you get you down and you will be seeing him everyday for the next month, he's coming on tour with us"
You just nodded an ok and Matt let go. You got a good-bye form everyone and a bear hug from Tre. Once everyone left you went to your bus and pulled out your guitar to write while you had the place to yourself.
You started strumming some minor chords and began making up a song as you went along, and stopped occasionally to write down the chords and lyrics pouring out of you.
"Hopes to fucking high again
Thoughts I'd make it
I was far from right
Just like it always goes for me
Never getting to far ahead
I think I'm behind in the game
My scores still zero
What am I living for?
I think I'm living to fail
Cause I'm going to fail you all
I'm going to fail myself
My head is splitting
With this pain from my heart
It's so heavy, it's sunk in my chest
Dragging with my feet on the pavement
Wearing down like the soles of my shoes
What am I living for?
I think I'm living to fail
Cause I'm going to fail you all
I'm going to fail myself
Can I get this right for once?
Tell me is this right?
Tell me I can do something out there
Tell me I won't fail
Please tell me, tell me what the hell I'm living for?
I don't want to fail, but I think I'm going to fail
I know it dammit, I'm going to fail you all
I know my own pain and I'm going to fail myself
I'm going to fail myself
Cause I'm going to fail myself
So fucking kill me now!"
You finished the song and looked at your watch to check the time.
"Holy crap 1 am I think its time to head back to the hotel for me" you put your guitar away along with the song and grabbed keys to the rental van and drove to the hotel.
You dragged your feet to the elevator and pushed the number three button. You got out and went followed the numbers till you came your room 316, you pauses hearing some muffled noises inside thinking John must be back and quietly put the card key in the door turned the handle and pushed the door open.
"Oh baby, oh yah uh ooh"
Your mouth dropped as you saw on the bed was your boyfriend and another woman who you didn't quite acknowledge having sex. They didn't even notice you were in the room and you couldn't let them know you were so shook up with anger, and in complete shock that you were frozen right there.
"Oh my god!" the woman yelled and pointed in your direction/ john turned to see you standing there and was about to push himself off. When you snapped out of your shocked state and so it began.
"YOU STUPID CHEATING FUCKING BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? HOW LONG HUH? ACCUSING ME OF FUCKING TRE! LOOK AT YOU! YOU BASTARD! GET OUT GET THE FUCK OUT!" you screamed and pulled him to the door, the woman who he was with was grabbing clothes and putting them on and running out the room as you shouted.
"Listen it's not what it looks like I... "
"NOT WHAT IT FUCKING LOOKS LIKE, THEY ALL SAY THAT. I SUPPOSE YOUR CLOTHES FELLS OF AND YOU JUST HAPPENED TO FALL ON TOP OF HER ONTO THE BED, OH YA LOGIC THERE"
"THIS ISN'T MY FUCKING FAULT, IF YOU WERE A GOOD ENOUGH GIRL FRIEND I WOULD BE HAVING SEX WITH YOU INSTEAD!" John yelled back and grabbed your arm.
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! AND HOW IS THIS MY FAULT WHAT DID I CARE TO MUCH I'M SO SORRY I TRIED TO SPEND TO MUCH TIME WITH YOU INTERRUPTING YOUR SOCIAL SEX TIME" you steamed at him
"Yah well I never loved you anyway," he answered crudely spitting out the words at you
"YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING CUNT YOU KNOW THAT"
"Don't fucking talk to me like that bitch"
"YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME HOW TO TALK TO YOU, YOU FUCKIN-"
*Smack*
You put your hand to your cheek were john slapped you hard, it had the force of any punch he could have given you already red and feeling like it was bleeding and swelling from the impact.
(Tre's point of view)
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! AND HOW IS THIS MY FAULT WHAT DID I CARE TO MUCH I'M SO SORRY I TRIED TO SPEND TO MUCH TIME WITH YOU INTERRUPTING YOUR SOCIAL SEX TIME"
'Is that Jess' you thought as you headed to your room.
"YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING CUNT YOU KNOW THAT"
'Fuck it is' you ran down the hallway to her room to see what was going on coming to her open door way
"YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME HOW TO TALK TO YOU, YOU FUCKIN-"
*Smack*
(Jessica's point of view)
"YOU FUCKING PRICK!" Tre yelled running into the room towards John and tackling him to the ground and punching the living daylights out of him.
"Tre!... Tre FUCKING STOP YOUR GOING TO KILL HIM!" you pulled Tre off John who stayed stunned and scared on the floor.
"Your saying he doesn't disserve it?!" he exclaimed.
"No Tre he doesn't just, just get him out of here please" you pleaded looking into Tre's blue eyes
"Ok, I will" he sighed and pulled John of the floor roughly, dragged him towards the doorway and pushed him out into the hall so he hit the room on the other sides and slammed the door.
You began to cry almost as soon as the door was slammed shut. Your hand was still holding your cheek trying to ease the pain but it wasn't working at all.
'I am not weak, I shouldn't be crying, I don't cry, I can't cry, I don't want to cry in front of Tre he think I'm pathetic' you thought as you fought the loosing battle of fighting back your tears.
Tre put his arm's around you to comfort you and whispered in your ear "it's ok, it's ok I'm here for you, it's ok to cry just let it out, don't fight off the tears Jess they will just come out later, you need to cry, I am here for you" he rubbed your back and led you over to the bed sat down and pulled you down with him, and brought your legs up over his own and pulled you closer to you.
You put your head into his chest and sobbed, "I don-don't wan-want to be here T-Tre"
"Don't say that you are so amazing and you don't deserve someone treating you like shit"
"No, Tre I, I don't want to-to be in-in this room, or on this bed, please Tre please can we, can we just go somewhere else" you sobbed some more.
"Ok we can go to my room, you can stay there, or if you want I can take you to Evan, Matt or Ian's rooms, they should be back soon"
"No, your rooms fine'" you whispered
You went to get up but Tre held onto you and got up carrying you in his arms and headed to the door.
"Do you have your card key?" he asked, and you nodded before he shut the door behind the two of you.
He carried you all the way down to the other end of the hall, managed to pull his card key out and open the door while still having you in his arms. He carried you over to the bed and say down the same way you both were sitting in your room.
"You're still trying not to cry Jess. I told you, you need to get it out. I will sit here with you for hours if you want to, and even if you don't I still wont leave you"
You griped Tre's shirt and pushed your face into his chest more breathing in deeply. The tears squeezed out of your eyes and wouldn't stop, you couldn't control yourself, and you haven't cried in years you never let yourself. You let everything out of you, all the pain and emotional stress that has been built up inside you for the last few years all came out of you.
After sitting on Tre's lap for 15 minutes he pulled you down to a laying position on the bed keeping you close to him. You laid there with him crying until you eventually fell asleep around 3:30 am.
After Tre look down at your now calm sleeping form, he pulled blankets up over the two of you, put his arms around you and drifted off to sleep himself.
