I Wanna Be the One Who Takes the Pain, chapter 5
"Mmm, good smell... Wait a minute," you sat up in bed and looked down at Tre, as his arms slid off you.
"Jess? You okay?" Tre, who you thought was asleep, looked up and asked.
"I-I'm fine."
You got up and headed towards his hotel bathroom, closed the door, and slid down it until you rested on the floor.
What is with me? Fuck, I'm too emotional. Stupid fucking John, I love-d him. I've had two boyfriends cheat on me before, but I was stupid enough to think John was the one. No one's ever going to be "the one" for me, it's just bullshit. That crap doesn't exist - rainbows and butterflies are up God's ass and they can't get out. And sadly, the guys were right - I never listen to them, I never listen to anyone, not even myself. I'm so pathetic. Honestly, I have to be the worst girlfriend in the world or something, or I have bad taste, or I'm the trash one. I want to know what the hell is wrong with me. I hate this "no one will ever love me" thing I have going on. I just want fucking answers, but I'm never going to get them, 'cause the man upstairs doesn't exist for me anymore. Not like he would do shit for me anyway. Me saying, "Please, God, fucking save me - give me love, show me what the hell love is atleast." I don't know what to do anymore, I really, honestly don't. And if I don't find out what to do soon, I won't care about life anymore. I swear to God I won't.
"Jess, you okay in there?" Tre asked from the other side of the door.
"Yeah, I'm fine. You need to get in?" you responded.
"Yeah, I need to take a piss."
"Okay, I'll be right out."
You pulled yourself up off the floor, went over to the sink, washed your hands, and splashed water on your face, trying to hide that you were just crying. You dried both hands and your face and then opened the door and passed Tre without looking up.
"It's all yours," you mumbled.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Tre asked, grabbing your arm lightly.
"About what?" You asked, pretending to be clueless about what he was talking about.
"About last night and what happened between you and John."
"Um, I-I can't, Tre. I'm sorry. I don't want to get you involved in anything, you don't have to pretend you care abou-"
"But I do care, Jess, I really do, I'm being honest here. I'm not the type of person to lie about how I feel. I want you to know that, okay? I do care and I want you to know that. I want you to talk to me also, and not because you have to, because you want to."
You looked up at him and it seemed that as soon as you made eye contact, you felt tears coming again. Not because of what John did, but because Tre said that he cared. And he sounded sincere, like he meant every word. And you didn't know what to do but cry. It made you happy and sad at the same time. It brought you total confusion. It kind of scared you, to tell the truth, and you didn't know what to say.
"It's okay," was all Tre said as he took you in his arms and slid down to the floor with you. He just held you while you cried again.
You didn't want to cry anymore - you didn't think you could. You're not a very emotional person, but the time comes for everyone when they get hit hard and everything comes out. Sometimes with tears comes the common sense of situations and for you.
"I thought I loved him, I really did. I was fucking blind, I was really fucking blind," was the first thing you said when you stopped crying.
"I don't think you were blind. Maybe someone was just covering your eyes so you couldn't see."
"I really didn't see you as the type of person to come up with a metaphor like that," you said, looking up at him.
"Well, I'm full of surprises," he smirked.
"I'm sure you are," was all you said as you looked back down. You then rose up, walked over, and sat on the bed in the room.
"He cheated on me. He fucked some blonde chick in the hotel room I paid for, ate the food I ordered, bought her gifts with my money, and I let him. I just never wanted to believe so many fucking signs, so I ignored them all. All because I thought I was in 'love' with him." You let yourself fall backwards, laying on the bed. Tre came over and laid himself beside you.
"Well, they say love is blind, right? I think it's false love that's blind, not real love. That's why you ignored everything, 'cause you were blinded by the false love you received and gave."
He turned on his side, and you on yours, facing each other. Then he put his arm on your shoulder, "That's what I think atleast."
"How do you know so much and still remain single?"
"I dunno. I'm sick of finding the wrong people, so I guess I'm being cautious about relationships. I don't want to be married and divorced again, I just want to be married, with no end to it," he responded, turning on his back again.
"Makes sense. Find me someone like you, will ya? If you have no luck, I'm turning into a lesbian... Wait, scratch that - girls annoy me more than guys do."
Tre laughed and turned to you again, "Why do you want someone like me when you could have the real thing?"
"Huh?" was all you got out because Tre pulled you in for a kiss, but when you went to kiss him back, he pulled away.
"I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. I-I just wanted to, but I shouldn't have. I wasn't think-"
"Shut up, Tre. You were thinking. And I think I am for the first time. So what I do next is because I was thinking, 'This feels like something I like.'"
And you pulled him towards you, looked him in the eyes, then kissed him. And as he kissed you back, you both deepened the kiss.
You didn't know if you loved Tre, but you knew you wanted him right then and now. You needed him. It was more than sexual, you felt more than lust, there was passion and a sense of caring. No love though, but there could be. Just not yet. Maybe not at all. You didn't know what would come after. But right now felt good, Tre felt good, you felt good. Tre made you feel good and you made him feel good. Everything was just... well... good.
"Jess? You okay?" Tre, who you thought was asleep, looked up and asked.
"I-I'm fine."
You got up and headed towards his hotel bathroom, closed the door, and slid down it until you rested on the floor.
What is with me? Fuck, I'm too emotional. Stupid fucking John, I love-d him. I've had two boyfriends cheat on me before, but I was stupid enough to think John was the one. No one's ever going to be "the one" for me, it's just bullshit. That crap doesn't exist - rainbows and butterflies are up God's ass and they can't get out. And sadly, the guys were right - I never listen to them, I never listen to anyone, not even myself. I'm so pathetic. Honestly, I have to be the worst girlfriend in the world or something, or I have bad taste, or I'm the trash one. I want to know what the hell is wrong with me. I hate this "no one will ever love me" thing I have going on. I just want fucking answers, but I'm never going to get them, 'cause the man upstairs doesn't exist for me anymore. Not like he would do shit for me anyway. Me saying, "Please, God, fucking save me - give me love, show me what the hell love is atleast." I don't know what to do anymore, I really, honestly don't. And if I don't find out what to do soon, I won't care about life anymore. I swear to God I won't.
"Jess, you okay in there?" Tre asked from the other side of the door.
"Yeah, I'm fine. You need to get in?" you responded.
"Yeah, I need to take a piss."
"Okay, I'll be right out."
You pulled yourself up off the floor, went over to the sink, washed your hands, and splashed water on your face, trying to hide that you were just crying. You dried both hands and your face and then opened the door and passed Tre without looking up.
"It's all yours," you mumbled.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Tre asked, grabbing your arm lightly.
"About what?" You asked, pretending to be clueless about what he was talking about.
"About last night and what happened between you and John."
"Um, I-I can't, Tre. I'm sorry. I don't want to get you involved in anything, you don't have to pretend you care abou-"
"But I do care, Jess, I really do, I'm being honest here. I'm not the type of person to lie about how I feel. I want you to know that, okay? I do care and I want you to know that. I want you to talk to me also, and not because you have to, because you want to."
You looked up at him and it seemed that as soon as you made eye contact, you felt tears coming again. Not because of what John did, but because Tre said that he cared. And he sounded sincere, like he meant every word. And you didn't know what to do but cry. It made you happy and sad at the same time. It brought you total confusion. It kind of scared you, to tell the truth, and you didn't know what to say.
"It's okay," was all Tre said as he took you in his arms and slid down to the floor with you. He just held you while you cried again.
You didn't want to cry anymore - you didn't think you could. You're not a very emotional person, but the time comes for everyone when they get hit hard and everything comes out. Sometimes with tears comes the common sense of situations and for you.
"I thought I loved him, I really did. I was fucking blind, I was really fucking blind," was the first thing you said when you stopped crying.
"I don't think you were blind. Maybe someone was just covering your eyes so you couldn't see."
"I really didn't see you as the type of person to come up with a metaphor like that," you said, looking up at him.
"Well, I'm full of surprises," he smirked.
"I'm sure you are," was all you said as you looked back down. You then rose up, walked over, and sat on the bed in the room.
"He cheated on me. He fucked some blonde chick in the hotel room I paid for, ate the food I ordered, bought her gifts with my money, and I let him. I just never wanted to believe so many fucking signs, so I ignored them all. All because I thought I was in 'love' with him." You let yourself fall backwards, laying on the bed. Tre came over and laid himself beside you.
"Well, they say love is blind, right? I think it's false love that's blind, not real love. That's why you ignored everything, 'cause you were blinded by the false love you received and gave."
He turned on his side, and you on yours, facing each other. Then he put his arm on your shoulder, "That's what I think atleast."
"How do you know so much and still remain single?"
"I dunno. I'm sick of finding the wrong people, so I guess I'm being cautious about relationships. I don't want to be married and divorced again, I just want to be married, with no end to it," he responded, turning on his back again.
"Makes sense. Find me someone like you, will ya? If you have no luck, I'm turning into a lesbian... Wait, scratch that - girls annoy me more than guys do."
Tre laughed and turned to you again, "Why do you want someone like me when you could have the real thing?"
"Huh?" was all you got out because Tre pulled you in for a kiss, but when you went to kiss him back, he pulled away.
"I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. I-I just wanted to, but I shouldn't have. I wasn't think-"
"Shut up, Tre. You were thinking. And I think I am for the first time. So what I do next is because I was thinking, 'This feels like something I like.'"
And you pulled him towards you, looked him in the eyes, then kissed him. And as he kissed you back, you both deepened the kiss.
You didn't know if you loved Tre, but you knew you wanted him right then and now. You needed him. It was more than sexual, you felt more than lust, there was passion and a sense of caring. No love though, but there could be. Just not yet. Maybe not at all. You didn't know what would come after. But right now felt good, Tre felt good, you felt good. Tre made you feel good and you made him feel good. Everything was just... well... good.
