Scattered Pieces of His Heart, chapter 4
"What?" Tre asked, taken by surprise.
"I said what the fuck are you doing here? What the hell could you possibly want?" Billie nearly yelled.
"Uh... to say hey to my best friend who tried to kill himself?" Tre tried, somehow staying calm. Billie said nothing. Tre walked to the other side of his bed and sat down in the chair Adie had occupied only hours ago.
"So... what's up?" Tre asked.
"Nothing."
"Why are you so pissed?"
"I thought you were Mike."
"Oh," Tre said, slightly hurt.
Billie muttered something under his breath.
"What?" Tre asked once again.
"Nothing."
"So are you gonna tell me why you did it?"
"Did what?" Billie asked stubbornly.
Tre raised his eyebrow. Billie said nothing.
"Listen, I'm here for you. I'm your best friend."
"Yeah," Billie said. "I guess."
"You guess?" Tre was getting pissed now. "What the hell does that mean?"
"Nothing," Billie said again. "Sorry. It's just... my life's so shit right now."
"But you know you've got other options than a big butcher knife," Tre was calm again.
"I guess... it just felt like I should."
"That's so fucked, Billie, you've been in worse times than this, so why now?"
"She wrote me a note," Billie muttered fast.
"A note?" Tre acted as though he hadn't talked to Adrienne.
"Yeah, a note."
"What'd it say?"
"That she was leaving me."
"Are you sure?"
"Well... something like that."
"So it didn't say that she was leaving you."
"How the fuck would you know, Tre? It said something like that, I don't fucking remember it word for word!"
"It said she took the kids and she wouldn't know when they would be back."
Billie stared at Tre. "Adrienne called me," he explained.
"Why?" Billie asked.
"She needed someone to talk to... and to, um... "
"To what?" Billie Joe was acting nervous.
"Say thanks," Tre nearly whispered.
"For what?"
"She thinks I saved your life."
Billie's face softened. "You did... um, thanks."
"I told Adie, it's no problem. There wasn't much for me to think over. Hmm, Billie Joe's lying on the floor in blood, what should I do? Ya know, it's not that hard of a decision."
This got a small laugh from Billie and Tre smiled.
"You feeling better?"
"Yeah, a bit, damn IV is annoying the hell outta me, though."
They talked for a while until Tre got brave and asked Billie again why he'd tried to kill himself.
"Honestly... I don't know. I just... felt really empty... "
"But didn't you think of how your wife would react? Billie, man, you've got two kids!"
"I just wanted everything to vanish."
Tre looked at his shoes, which he liked very much. He shook the thought out of his head.
"You gotta snap out of it, BJ," Tre said. "You've got so many damn people who care about you."
"It's... really hard to explain. I wasn't thinking... you have no idea how much I regret it, Tre. Really, I do. I haven't talked to Adie in hours, I never got to tell her that I'm sorry... "
"So call her. It's the right thing to do."
Billie smiled and picked up the phone.
"Thanks, Tre," he said as Tre headed out the door.
"No problem," Tre replied from the doorway. "Gimme a call when you want some company."
Billie Joe nodded and Tre left, passing the nurse he'd had an argument with. She hastily avoided his glance.
***
Adrienne was sitting cross-legged on the middle of her and her husband's bed. She was staring down at the note that lay on the covers. She'd read the note a million times and could still not find where the reason for Billie's actions lay. She looked up and around at all the pictures they had on their dressers. There they were on their wedding day, when Joey and Jakob were born, and countless candid pictures of them and their kids. She remembered all the amazing times they had spent together and how she would be able to survive without Billie Joe. What would have happened if he actually succeeded... ? Adrienne couldn't bear to think about that, and luckily her thoughts were shut off by the phone ringing.
"Hello?"
"Adrienne, it's Billie Joe."
"Are you okay? What's up?" Adie asked, trying not to lose it.
"I'm fine... it's just... I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. All the shit I've put you through."
"Oh, Billie, don't say that. You haven't put me through anything! Okay, so this last one was a little hard on my emotions, but I understand about everything else, we all have our moments... "
"This last stunt I pulled was totally out of proportion. I wasn't even thinking of you and how you would feel. I just... I've got no idea what I was thinking. I just lost it."
"Billie, it's okay. You scared the shit out of me, but I'll be okay. You need to know that I'm here. I'm here for you, and I'll listen to what's wrong. You need to know that. I don't want you assuming things. I had my cell phone, you could've called me... "
"I was... Adie... I don't even know what to say."
"Billie, are you crying?" Adrienne asked, hearing sniffling on the other end of the phone. Billie said nothing. "Hon, don't cry. It's... it's okay, everything will be fine."
"No, it won't! I fucking tried to kill myself without even thinking of you!"
Adrienne sat on her bed silently.
"Where in the note did you think it said I was leaving you forever?" Adrienne whispered.
"Adie... " Billie tried. "Adrienne... I... I don't know," he finished softly. "I'll call you later." And hung up.
Once again a tear slipped down Adie's cheek and she did something she hadn't done in ages: she wrote a song.
Let me leave,
Let me find him,
He hasn't left,
Not yet.
The lights,
The sounds,
They seem so far away,
This can't be real,
This can't be happening,
Nothing makes sense,
Time has slowed.
She only had the beginning of it, but she liked it so she ripped it out of her notebook, folded it, and hid it in her pillowcase. She played with her wedding ring and decided to check on her boys, who had been left alone way too long to still be innocent.
"I said what the fuck are you doing here? What the hell could you possibly want?" Billie nearly yelled.
"Uh... to say hey to my best friend who tried to kill himself?" Tre tried, somehow staying calm. Billie said nothing. Tre walked to the other side of his bed and sat down in the chair Adie had occupied only hours ago.
"So... what's up?" Tre asked.
"Nothing."
"Why are you so pissed?"
"I thought you were Mike."
"Oh," Tre said, slightly hurt.
Billie muttered something under his breath.
"What?" Tre asked once again.
"Nothing."
"So are you gonna tell me why you did it?"
"Did what?" Billie asked stubbornly.
Tre raised his eyebrow. Billie said nothing.
"Listen, I'm here for you. I'm your best friend."
"Yeah," Billie said. "I guess."
"You guess?" Tre was getting pissed now. "What the hell does that mean?"
"Nothing," Billie said again. "Sorry. It's just... my life's so shit right now."
"But you know you've got other options than a big butcher knife," Tre was calm again.
"I guess... it just felt like I should."
"That's so fucked, Billie, you've been in worse times than this, so why now?"
"She wrote me a note," Billie muttered fast.
"A note?" Tre acted as though he hadn't talked to Adrienne.
"Yeah, a note."
"What'd it say?"
"That she was leaving me."
"Are you sure?"
"Well... something like that."
"So it didn't say that she was leaving you."
"How the fuck would you know, Tre? It said something like that, I don't fucking remember it word for word!"
"It said she took the kids and she wouldn't know when they would be back."
Billie stared at Tre. "Adrienne called me," he explained.
"Why?" Billie asked.
"She needed someone to talk to... and to, um... "
"To what?" Billie Joe was acting nervous.
"Say thanks," Tre nearly whispered.
"For what?"
"She thinks I saved your life."
Billie's face softened. "You did... um, thanks."
"I told Adie, it's no problem. There wasn't much for me to think over. Hmm, Billie Joe's lying on the floor in blood, what should I do? Ya know, it's not that hard of a decision."
This got a small laugh from Billie and Tre smiled.
"You feeling better?"
"Yeah, a bit, damn IV is annoying the hell outta me, though."
They talked for a while until Tre got brave and asked Billie again why he'd tried to kill himself.
"Honestly... I don't know. I just... felt really empty... "
"But didn't you think of how your wife would react? Billie, man, you've got two kids!"
"I just wanted everything to vanish."
Tre looked at his shoes, which he liked very much. He shook the thought out of his head.
"You gotta snap out of it, BJ," Tre said. "You've got so many damn people who care about you."
"It's... really hard to explain. I wasn't thinking... you have no idea how much I regret it, Tre. Really, I do. I haven't talked to Adie in hours, I never got to tell her that I'm sorry... "
"So call her. It's the right thing to do."
Billie smiled and picked up the phone.
"Thanks, Tre," he said as Tre headed out the door.
"No problem," Tre replied from the doorway. "Gimme a call when you want some company."
Billie Joe nodded and Tre left, passing the nurse he'd had an argument with. She hastily avoided his glance.
***
Adrienne was sitting cross-legged on the middle of her and her husband's bed. She was staring down at the note that lay on the covers. She'd read the note a million times and could still not find where the reason for Billie's actions lay. She looked up and around at all the pictures they had on their dressers. There they were on their wedding day, when Joey and Jakob were born, and countless candid pictures of them and their kids. She remembered all the amazing times they had spent together and how she would be able to survive without Billie Joe. What would have happened if he actually succeeded... ? Adrienne couldn't bear to think about that, and luckily her thoughts were shut off by the phone ringing.
"Hello?"
"Adrienne, it's Billie Joe."
"Are you okay? What's up?" Adie asked, trying not to lose it.
"I'm fine... it's just... I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. All the shit I've put you through."
"Oh, Billie, don't say that. You haven't put me through anything! Okay, so this last one was a little hard on my emotions, but I understand about everything else, we all have our moments... "
"This last stunt I pulled was totally out of proportion. I wasn't even thinking of you and how you would feel. I just... I've got no idea what I was thinking. I just lost it."
"Billie, it's okay. You scared the shit out of me, but I'll be okay. You need to know that I'm here. I'm here for you, and I'll listen to what's wrong. You need to know that. I don't want you assuming things. I had my cell phone, you could've called me... "
"I was... Adie... I don't even know what to say."
"Billie, are you crying?" Adrienne asked, hearing sniffling on the other end of the phone. Billie said nothing. "Hon, don't cry. It's... it's okay, everything will be fine."
"No, it won't! I fucking tried to kill myself without even thinking of you!"
Adrienne sat on her bed silently.
"Where in the note did you think it said I was leaving you forever?" Adrienne whispered.
"Adie... " Billie tried. "Adrienne... I... I don't know," he finished softly. "I'll call you later." And hung up.
Once again a tear slipped down Adie's cheek and she did something she hadn't done in ages: she wrote a song.
Let me leave,
Let me find him,
He hasn't left,
Not yet.
The lights,
The sounds,
They seem so far away,
This can't be real,
This can't be happening,
Nothing makes sense,
Time has slowed.
She only had the beginning of it, but she liked it so she ripped it out of her notebook, folded it, and hid it in her pillowcase. She played with her wedding ring and decided to check on her boys, who had been left alone way too long to still be innocent.
