Kiss the Demons out of my Dreams, chapter 16
1 YEAR LATER
I stood up, deciding it was time to go. With one last look at the pond, I headed back to the house. Since the day that Carrie left, I had come here, to our pond, every day. As soon as I got home, I ran upstairs to pack. We would be leaving soon. A couple of months ago, Green Day had put out its first CD. Now, we were heading off on a tour for six weeks. I packed up my junk, and was just digging through my drawers when something caught my eye. It was a gold chain, a memory of sorts. I had given it to Carrie a few months after she came to live with me and Tre. I picked up the chain, staring at it, but remembering her.
FLASHBACK
"Carrie. Wake up! I've got something for you," I whispered in her ear. "No, Billie. I don't wanna get up," Carrie mumbled. I kissed her, and she kissed me back. When I pulled away, she sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Here, open this," I said excitedly, handing her a box. "What's it for?" she asked. I just shrugged and smiled. She opened it and pulled out the gold chain. "Oh, Billie! It's gorgeous," she cried, throwing herself over me. I just hugged her tight and kissed her cheek. Then I latched it around her neck and kissed her again, happy that she was happy.
END OF FLASHBACK
Now as I stared at the chain, remembering how happy I had been that day, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I sat on the floor, clutching the chain tightly in my hand, and let it all out. Everything I had felt since Carrie left came pouring out, and huge wracking sobs overcame me. I couldn't stop. It was probably hours later that I was finally able to control myself. The huge sobs became sniffles, and I wiped my tear stained face. It had gotten dark, and I climbed out of my window onto the roof. Standing there, I stared up at the stars. If only Carrie could see me now. Here I was, days away from the biggest moments of my life, and I was becoming a wreck over her. What a mess she had made of my life. I looked down at my hands, realizing I was still clutching the small gold chain. I threw it off the roof into the middle of the street, crying out in frustration. I hated her! She had turned me into a person I didn't know. I hardly ever spoke or slept. When I climbed in through my window, I looked in my mirror. My eyes were sunken holes, the bright green faded to a dull gray-green. I was pale, with hollow cheek bones. I took off my shirt. My ribs poke through my skin, and I could count them. I looked starved. I was never hungry anymore. My dark hair had been dyed blue, and color to match my mood. I looked like the living dead. Who knows? Maybe I was dead. Ever since Carrie left, I hadn't really payed attention to anything.
I woke up, sweating. I'd dreamed of her again. I dreamed that she came back, but as soon as I touched her, she vanished. Now, I was wide awake. I sat down at my desk, trying to think of a song to pass the time. But my mind kept drifting to her. Maybe it would be easier to just forget her. She was gone, but my life was still going on. Wasn't it? I walked downstairs and went out on the lawn. I knew what I was looking for. I looked out to the street and saw it, glinting in the dark. I walked over and picked up the gold chain. Fastening it around my neck, I made a decision. I would move on. But this way, I could keep a part of her with me. And for the first time in a long time, I smiled, out there in the middle of the dark street.
I stood up, deciding it was time to go. With one last look at the pond, I headed back to the house. Since the day that Carrie left, I had come here, to our pond, every day. As soon as I got home, I ran upstairs to pack. We would be leaving soon. A couple of months ago, Green Day had put out its first CD. Now, we were heading off on a tour for six weeks. I packed up my junk, and was just digging through my drawers when something caught my eye. It was a gold chain, a memory of sorts. I had given it to Carrie a few months after she came to live with me and Tre. I picked up the chain, staring at it, but remembering her.
FLASHBACK
"Carrie. Wake up! I've got something for you," I whispered in her ear. "No, Billie. I don't wanna get up," Carrie mumbled. I kissed her, and she kissed me back. When I pulled away, she sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Here, open this," I said excitedly, handing her a box. "What's it for?" she asked. I just shrugged and smiled. She opened it and pulled out the gold chain. "Oh, Billie! It's gorgeous," she cried, throwing herself over me. I just hugged her tight and kissed her cheek. Then I latched it around her neck and kissed her again, happy that she was happy.
END OF FLASHBACK
Now as I stared at the chain, remembering how happy I had been that day, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I sat on the floor, clutching the chain tightly in my hand, and let it all out. Everything I had felt since Carrie left came pouring out, and huge wracking sobs overcame me. I couldn't stop. It was probably hours later that I was finally able to control myself. The huge sobs became sniffles, and I wiped my tear stained face. It had gotten dark, and I climbed out of my window onto the roof. Standing there, I stared up at the stars. If only Carrie could see me now. Here I was, days away from the biggest moments of my life, and I was becoming a wreck over her. What a mess she had made of my life. I looked down at my hands, realizing I was still clutching the small gold chain. I threw it off the roof into the middle of the street, crying out in frustration. I hated her! She had turned me into a person I didn't know. I hardly ever spoke or slept. When I climbed in through my window, I looked in my mirror. My eyes were sunken holes, the bright green faded to a dull gray-green. I was pale, with hollow cheek bones. I took off my shirt. My ribs poke through my skin, and I could count them. I looked starved. I was never hungry anymore. My dark hair had been dyed blue, and color to match my mood. I looked like the living dead. Who knows? Maybe I was dead. Ever since Carrie left, I hadn't really payed attention to anything.
I woke up, sweating. I'd dreamed of her again. I dreamed that she came back, but as soon as I touched her, she vanished. Now, I was wide awake. I sat down at my desk, trying to think of a song to pass the time. But my mind kept drifting to her. Maybe it would be easier to just forget her. She was gone, but my life was still going on. Wasn't it? I walked downstairs and went out on the lawn. I knew what I was looking for. I looked out to the street and saw it, glinting in the dark. I walked over and picked up the gold chain. Fastening it around my neck, I made a decision. I would move on. But this way, I could keep a part of her with me. And for the first time in a long time, I smiled, out there in the middle of the dark street.
