Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away, chapter 5
I run into my home and collapse onto my bed. Why me? Why of all people did this have to happen to me? A lot of people fall down the stairs. Not everyone has to fight with someone they thought was a friend because of it. I don't know who I am, I feel like I don't know anything and no one in the world wants to help me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I do know something. I know that pain can be numbed. And that's what I want to feel. I've been numb for so long I've gotten addicted to it. And I'll tell you now, I was twelve. Not four. I know ways to numb the pain.
I'm glad that my parents have gone out so they don't see me like this. I blast "Made Of Steel" by Our Lady Peace. I run into the kitchen and find a small sharp knife. Perfect. It reminded me of Frank. Well, I was going to do the same thing he did. He wants me to be like him? I guess he's getting what he wished for.
I guess it's ironic how as the words, "Hold your head high, don't look down" rang through my ears I did just the opposite. I was so angry at Frank. He was wrong to treat me like that. He was wrong to kiss me. But there was one thing he was right about.
This WAS his fault.
Maybe if he found out about this he would understand. He blamed himself and tried to get me to feel sorry for him. I'll never fall for it again. The knife cuts through my arm, and the music deafens my scream. Again. Again. My arm and hand are covered with blood. I try to wipe it away with the ripped sweater I used to love. It just keeps coming back again. Oh god, what have I done? The worries wash away when I can no longer feel my arm, the numb is back.
Finally.
The numb spreads to my chest, my other arm, my legs. I feel nothing, and I love it. Feeling is overrated anyways.
"Mia, Mia, wake up, oh god MIA!" a female voice shrieks at me.
"I'll call an ambulance" comes a man's voice.
I'm so confused. What happened to "Made Of Steel"? What happened to the numb?
What happened to me?
Soon I am concious and people I don't know are lifting me onto a stretcher. They put me in the back of a big van as a blur of faces and noises surround me. They inject something into my arm and the numbing sensation is back. The faces and noises are pushed into the distance as I collapse into it.
Maybe if the numb would go I would know what was happening. Maybe I would see the fear in their eyes when the doctors told them there was no pulse. But my beloved numb hid me away from that. Maybe there would be fear in my eyes if I knew.
I feel numb for a long time until it starts to loosen its grip and I feel once again. I open my eyes to see my mother crying in a chair next to me. Her tear filled eyes stare into mine.
"Why?"
She wants to know about the numb feeling. She wants me to tell her why I am in love with the empty feeling that throbbed in my body. To be perfectly honest, even I don't know.
Then HE comes into the room. I don't want to be near him.
"Are you okay, Mia?"
"Out!"
"Huh?"
"Go away, Frank. I don't need you anymore. It's all your fault. Get out of my life!"
Now, don't get me wrong. I do know something. I know that pain can be numbed. And that's what I want to feel. I've been numb for so long I've gotten addicted to it. And I'll tell you now, I was twelve. Not four. I know ways to numb the pain.
I'm glad that my parents have gone out so they don't see me like this. I blast "Made Of Steel" by Our Lady Peace. I run into the kitchen and find a small sharp knife. Perfect. It reminded me of Frank. Well, I was going to do the same thing he did. He wants me to be like him? I guess he's getting what he wished for.
I guess it's ironic how as the words, "Hold your head high, don't look down" rang through my ears I did just the opposite. I was so angry at Frank. He was wrong to treat me like that. He was wrong to kiss me. But there was one thing he was right about.
This WAS his fault.
Maybe if he found out about this he would understand. He blamed himself and tried to get me to feel sorry for him. I'll never fall for it again. The knife cuts through my arm, and the music deafens my scream. Again. Again. My arm and hand are covered with blood. I try to wipe it away with the ripped sweater I used to love. It just keeps coming back again. Oh god, what have I done? The worries wash away when I can no longer feel my arm, the numb is back.
Finally.
The numb spreads to my chest, my other arm, my legs. I feel nothing, and I love it. Feeling is overrated anyways.
"Mia, Mia, wake up, oh god MIA!" a female voice shrieks at me.
"I'll call an ambulance" comes a man's voice.
I'm so confused. What happened to "Made Of Steel"? What happened to the numb?
What happened to me?
Soon I am concious and people I don't know are lifting me onto a stretcher. They put me in the back of a big van as a blur of faces and noises surround me. They inject something into my arm and the numbing sensation is back. The faces and noises are pushed into the distance as I collapse into it.
Maybe if the numb would go I would know what was happening. Maybe I would see the fear in their eyes when the doctors told them there was no pulse. But my beloved numb hid me away from that. Maybe there would be fear in my eyes if I knew.
I feel numb for a long time until it starts to loosen its grip and I feel once again. I open my eyes to see my mother crying in a chair next to me. Her tear filled eyes stare into mine.
"Why?"
She wants to know about the numb feeling. She wants me to tell her why I am in love with the empty feeling that throbbed in my body. To be perfectly honest, even I don't know.
Then HE comes into the room. I don't want to be near him.
"Are you okay, Mia?"
"Out!"
"Huh?"
"Go away, Frank. I don't need you anymore. It's all your fault. Get out of my life!"
