A Whisper Of A Name In The Dark, chapter 8
Billie sat up and looked over the edge of the building. I must be at least... 1,2,3,4... 13 stories high. Oh Adie I am so sorry. Mike, Jakob, Joey... He felt a lump form in his throat and swallowed hard to keep it from overcoming him. He sat down and pulled his knees to his chest again. For a minute he just sat there thinking for a minute. Then it hit him... He remembered the scene cold and clear like it was just yesterday.
"I can't do this Billie!" Tre was yelling at him from across the room. "I can't! I'm sorry! I can't do this anymore! You're INPOSSIBLE!!" He yelled.
"Oh look who's talking." Billie spat back.
"I can't even look at you let alone work with you! You're such a fucker!" Tre shot back.
"Well if I'm such a fucker what the fuck are you still fucking doing here?" Billie yelled.
"I'm not! I'm GONE!" Tre said and kicked the door open and slammed it shut. Billie stood there a moment then sunk into a big chair. He looked over at the picture resting on the table, Tre, Mike, and himself were all huddled together laughing. Better times. He threw it across the room and it shattered against the wall. He picked up some random obvects and pelted them at the door. He picked up some of Tre's drumsticks and snapped them in half.
"FUCK!!" He yelled. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!" He yelled and kicked the wall repetivly until there was a pretty good sized hole in the wall. He sank back into the chair and stared at the floor.
"Fuck..." He whispered. He burried his head in his hands and sighed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" He screamed. It echoed off the walls and shot back at him like a stab in the back.
And the memory was gone. Billie couldn't believe it. Everyone he ever loved or cared about was gone. All of them. Adrienne, Jakob, Joey, Tre and even Mike. Billie was now alone. He stood up. He looked over the edge again. He stared down at the little cars they were about the size of a Hot Wheels model that he gave Jakob one Christmas. The one he gave Jakob was blue and had red and orange flames running down the sides and one big black racing stripe. Jakob had loved it. So much. Billie felt the lump in his throat getting bigger until it burst from him causing salty tears to poor out of his eyes like a faucet. He fell down on his knees. He gripped the edge of the building. Sobs ripping from him making it harder to breathe. I'm such a fucker! God, I wish I could just fucking end it all! Better off dead then alive. Not doing any good here I suppose. Then, he looked over the edge again for the third time and it dawned on him. That's a pretty good fall right there. I could end it. I could. Right now. I will. Yes. Right now. He repeted these words until he believed himself. He had made up his mind now as he stepped toward the edge, he smiled. It'll all be better soon. He felt one last wet salty tear slide down his cheek and fall down, 13 stories and splashed onto the pavement below. I'm so so sorry. Jakob, Joey, Adie, Tre, Mike, please forgive me. This is the best. You won't even know I'm gone. Probably won't care either. If I was you I wouldn't. I'm such a fucker. If I was you I'd push me right now. Get it over with already. Stop thinking Billie! Just do it! Jump! Just lean back and close you're eyes! It'll all be better. All of it will be over. 13 stories is pleanty enough don't worry about surviving. Just... jump
"I can't do this Billie!" Tre was yelling at him from across the room. "I can't! I'm sorry! I can't do this anymore! You're INPOSSIBLE!!" He yelled.
"Oh look who's talking." Billie spat back.
"I can't even look at you let alone work with you! You're such a fucker!" Tre shot back.
"Well if I'm such a fucker what the fuck are you still fucking doing here?" Billie yelled.
"I'm not! I'm GONE!" Tre said and kicked the door open and slammed it shut. Billie stood there a moment then sunk into a big chair. He looked over at the picture resting on the table, Tre, Mike, and himself were all huddled together laughing. Better times. He threw it across the room and it shattered against the wall. He picked up some random obvects and pelted them at the door. He picked up some of Tre's drumsticks and snapped them in half.
"FUCK!!" He yelled. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!" He yelled and kicked the wall repetivly until there was a pretty good sized hole in the wall. He sank back into the chair and stared at the floor.
"Fuck..." He whispered. He burried his head in his hands and sighed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" He screamed. It echoed off the walls and shot back at him like a stab in the back.
And the memory was gone. Billie couldn't believe it. Everyone he ever loved or cared about was gone. All of them. Adrienne, Jakob, Joey, Tre and even Mike. Billie was now alone. He stood up. He looked over the edge again. He stared down at the little cars they were about the size of a Hot Wheels model that he gave Jakob one Christmas. The one he gave Jakob was blue and had red and orange flames running down the sides and one big black racing stripe. Jakob had loved it. So much. Billie felt the lump in his throat getting bigger until it burst from him causing salty tears to poor out of his eyes like a faucet. He fell down on his knees. He gripped the edge of the building. Sobs ripping from him making it harder to breathe. I'm such a fucker! God, I wish I could just fucking end it all! Better off dead then alive. Not doing any good here I suppose. Then, he looked over the edge again for the third time and it dawned on him. That's a pretty good fall right there. I could end it. I could. Right now. I will. Yes. Right now. He repeted these words until he believed himself. He had made up his mind now as he stepped toward the edge, he smiled. It'll all be better soon. He felt one last wet salty tear slide down his cheek and fall down, 13 stories and splashed onto the pavement below. I'm so so sorry. Jakob, Joey, Adie, Tre, Mike, please forgive me. This is the best. You won't even know I'm gone. Probably won't care either. If I was you I wouldn't. I'm such a fucker. If I was you I'd push me right now. Get it over with already. Stop thinking Billie! Just do it! Jump! Just lean back and close you're eyes! It'll all be better. All of it will be over. 13 stories is pleanty enough don't worry about surviving. Just... jump
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