Straight Relationships Are So Boring, chapter 1
"Finally!" I cry in triumph, leaping onto my find and grabbing them tightly. I found them, I finally found them. That's right. I found a pair of really tight drainpipe jeans. Result!
"Nice," Billie mutters approvingly from behind me. Billie Joe is my gay best friend who's actually bi because he can still 'spot a good piece of girl ass too, you know'. No matter that the last girl he fancied was in third grade and he's been going out with Mike since like, forever. He's still bi because he thinks that sounds 'so much cooler than gay.'
"I know. I wanna go and try them on," I tell him.
"Charlie!" he whines. "Don't! You know they never let me go in there, so what's the point?"
"Because I refuse to come back here if they don't fit and drag you with me. You're worse than my mother when we shop Bill," I inform him before heading towards the changing rooms.
"Come out and show me!" he calls before I disappear into them. I have to smile. Despite the fact he's a complete and utter punk and refuses to carry a thing pink, Billie's such a girl. I wait impatiently for a free changing room - it's nothing to do with the shop or anything. I'm just naturally impatient. When one's finally free I go into it, pull of my converses (one bright pink, and one black, because I just love to be different) and my old jeans and pull on the drainpipe ones. I survey my reflection in the mirror.
My long red hair really needs cutting. It's got about three inches of dead ends from all of the straightener abuse I put it through. At the moment though, it comes down to just above the middle of my back. My green eyes are heavily outlined in purple eye shadow and eyeliner, and my lashes are actually kind of long thanks to the two coats of mascara I've shoved on them. My top is cool, even though it actually makes me look more flat chested than normal because it's really tight and proves that actually, no, there's nothing there hidden beneath the baggy folds of material. But the new jeans... the new jeans look awesome.
Don't get me wrong. Don't think I'm one of those annoying vain girls who carry a mirror with them everywhere and refuse to go out in the rain in fear of running make up. I'm just a normal girl with incredibly low self esteem, despite Billie and Mike's best efforts to tell me I'm 'actually really hot, in a way, guys just don't like you 'cause you're punk and half of them think you're lesbian.'
Sometimes I wonder why I put up with them, I really do. But I guess they can't help it - they are guys, after all.
"Billie!" I call, sticking my head out of the changing rooms and waving at him. He jumps from where he was, standing slumped against a pillar and smoking, annoying the hell out of everyone else around just by being there.
"Let me see," he demands. I step out and twirl sarcastically. He rolls his eyes at me and holds up and imaginary camera.
"Gorgeous, darling," he drawls. "Seriously, they're great. Now hurry the hell up and buy them or we'll be late to meet Mike!"
"Okay, okay... " I mutter. Now it's my turn to roll my eyes at him. I go back in the changing rooms and get changed as quickly as I can. While we stand in the que waiting to pay, both of us tapping our feet in impatience, I decide that it's Billie's fault I can't wait for anything. I tell him this.
"No!" he protests at my thoughts. "No! Well, okay... kinda. But you were like this before I started shopping with you, Charlie. I've just... made it a bit worse?"
"Exactly. Hey, where are we meeting Mike again?"
"Erm... the food place," he mutters vaguely.
"Food place? That being... "
"That place," he says unhelpfully. "You know. With all the food... "
"Helpful Bill. God... why won't they get a move on!" I moan impatiently, ignoring Billie's smirk.
We reach 'the food place' fifteen minutes later than we intended. Mike's sat there on his own, tapping his fingers on the table in time with some imaginary beat in his head. He looks up, probably hearing us coming, and grins. Billie picks up his pace at the sight of him and goes and sits in the seat next to him.
I love how they're always trying to get as close to each other as they can without making it too obvious. It's actually really quite sweet.
"Where've you been?" he asks, pretending to be annoyed.
"Que was too long," I say.
"Someone was in the changing rooms," Billie says at exactly the same time.
"Yeah, and someone found drainpipe jeans," I add with a grin. At that moment a timid looking girl comes over, probably forced into it by her whorish looking friend.
"Erm," she mutters by way of introduction. The three of us turn to stare at her. "My friend... she, erm, she wants to know if she can have your number," she says quietly to Billie.
I love it when this happens. I get to sit there and watch them get all weirded out and try to act cool about it. It should have it's own slot on the discovery channel.
"Well, sorry hun but I'm taken," Billie says with a huge grin.
"Oh," she says. Her friend, who's in earshot, throws a look of loathing at me, and Billie notices this too.
"Not by her!" he says, laughing as if the very idea of us two dating was an out of this world concept. "By him," he says, nodding at Mike. Mike just smiles, not saying a word. I've noticed that he always acts like the quiet one, but he's the one who finds these things even funnier than I do.
"God, he's gay!" the whore girl shrieks loudly. How interesting. This one didn't even try and act cool.
"Bi! I'm bi, goddamn it!" Billie yells, while me and Mike sit there cracking up.
I love my friends...
"Nice," Billie mutters approvingly from behind me. Billie Joe is my gay best friend who's actually bi because he can still 'spot a good piece of girl ass too, you know'. No matter that the last girl he fancied was in third grade and he's been going out with Mike since like, forever. He's still bi because he thinks that sounds 'so much cooler than gay.'
"I know. I wanna go and try them on," I tell him.
"Charlie!" he whines. "Don't! You know they never let me go in there, so what's the point?"
"Because I refuse to come back here if they don't fit and drag you with me. You're worse than my mother when we shop Bill," I inform him before heading towards the changing rooms.
"Come out and show me!" he calls before I disappear into them. I have to smile. Despite the fact he's a complete and utter punk and refuses to carry a thing pink, Billie's such a girl. I wait impatiently for a free changing room - it's nothing to do with the shop or anything. I'm just naturally impatient. When one's finally free I go into it, pull of my converses (one bright pink, and one black, because I just love to be different) and my old jeans and pull on the drainpipe ones. I survey my reflection in the mirror.
My long red hair really needs cutting. It's got about three inches of dead ends from all of the straightener abuse I put it through. At the moment though, it comes down to just above the middle of my back. My green eyes are heavily outlined in purple eye shadow and eyeliner, and my lashes are actually kind of long thanks to the two coats of mascara I've shoved on them. My top is cool, even though it actually makes me look more flat chested than normal because it's really tight and proves that actually, no, there's nothing there hidden beneath the baggy folds of material. But the new jeans... the new jeans look awesome.
Don't get me wrong. Don't think I'm one of those annoying vain girls who carry a mirror with them everywhere and refuse to go out in the rain in fear of running make up. I'm just a normal girl with incredibly low self esteem, despite Billie and Mike's best efforts to tell me I'm 'actually really hot, in a way, guys just don't like you 'cause you're punk and half of them think you're lesbian.'
Sometimes I wonder why I put up with them, I really do. But I guess they can't help it - they are guys, after all.
"Billie!" I call, sticking my head out of the changing rooms and waving at him. He jumps from where he was, standing slumped against a pillar and smoking, annoying the hell out of everyone else around just by being there.
"Let me see," he demands. I step out and twirl sarcastically. He rolls his eyes at me and holds up and imaginary camera.
"Gorgeous, darling," he drawls. "Seriously, they're great. Now hurry the hell up and buy them or we'll be late to meet Mike!"
"Okay, okay... " I mutter. Now it's my turn to roll my eyes at him. I go back in the changing rooms and get changed as quickly as I can. While we stand in the que waiting to pay, both of us tapping our feet in impatience, I decide that it's Billie's fault I can't wait for anything. I tell him this.
"No!" he protests at my thoughts. "No! Well, okay... kinda. But you were like this before I started shopping with you, Charlie. I've just... made it a bit worse?"
"Exactly. Hey, where are we meeting Mike again?"
"Erm... the food place," he mutters vaguely.
"Food place? That being... "
"That place," he says unhelpfully. "You know. With all the food... "
"Helpful Bill. God... why won't they get a move on!" I moan impatiently, ignoring Billie's smirk.
We reach 'the food place' fifteen minutes later than we intended. Mike's sat there on his own, tapping his fingers on the table in time with some imaginary beat in his head. He looks up, probably hearing us coming, and grins. Billie picks up his pace at the sight of him and goes and sits in the seat next to him.
I love how they're always trying to get as close to each other as they can without making it too obvious. It's actually really quite sweet.
"Where've you been?" he asks, pretending to be annoyed.
"Que was too long," I say.
"Someone was in the changing rooms," Billie says at exactly the same time.
"Yeah, and someone found drainpipe jeans," I add with a grin. At that moment a timid looking girl comes over, probably forced into it by her whorish looking friend.
"Erm," she mutters by way of introduction. The three of us turn to stare at her. "My friend... she, erm, she wants to know if she can have your number," she says quietly to Billie.
I love it when this happens. I get to sit there and watch them get all weirded out and try to act cool about it. It should have it's own slot on the discovery channel.
"Well, sorry hun but I'm taken," Billie says with a huge grin.
"Oh," she says. Her friend, who's in earshot, throws a look of loathing at me, and Billie notices this too.
"Not by her!" he says, laughing as if the very idea of us two dating was an out of this world concept. "By him," he says, nodding at Mike. Mike just smiles, not saying a word. I've noticed that he always acts like the quiet one, but he's the one who finds these things even funnier than I do.
"God, he's gay!" the whore girl shrieks loudly. How interesting. This one didn't even try and act cool.
"Bi! I'm bi, goddamn it!" Billie yells, while me and Mike sit there cracking up.
I love my friends...
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