Straight Relationships Are So Boring, chapter 2
We leave the mall pretty soon after that, and I go home on my own. I always try and leave Billie and Mike a little time on their own, to do... whatever. I don't really wanna think about that though. I mean, it would be fine if it was two random guys, but my two best friends... it's a little weird.
I remember when they first started going out. I got them together. It was Billie who told me first.
"Charlie?" he said to me. We'd just left Mike's house, and it was just the two of us.
"Yeah?" I say, turning to him. I'm kind of worried by the tone in his voice. He sounds really worried and nervous - not at all like Billie.
"I'm bi," he says with a deep breath. "And I think I'm in love with Mike." The words tumble out of his mouth in such a rush it takes a moment or two for my brain to work out what he's just said.
"In love?" I asked eventually. "Love?"
"You... you don't think it's weird that I'm bi? Or that it's Mike I like?" he asks uncertainly.
"Of course not Billie," I answer honestly. "But love is pretty extreme."
"Tell me about it," he mutters.
And then Mike told me the same thing. I found it vaguely hilarious, more than anything. The two of them were so absolutely clueless about what to do. You know how I find watching girls find out about them so fascinating? Well, it was like that. They both started to get really nervous and awkward around each other, and never knowing how to act. In the end I locked them in my bedroom and refused to let them out until they talked and got it out in the open, because it was driving me so insane.
I don't know if you've ever been in that kind of situation, but it's actually very stressful. I felt like cupid or something, and I've never pitied the guy more. Imagine how he must feel on Valentines Day.
Anyway, I tried not to listen to them when they were in there, but...
Okay. That's a lie. I tried my damn hardest to listen to them - but then, wouldn't you? You would. Don't try and pretend. My two best friends were becoming gay, sorry, bi, before my eyes! It was brilliant! I was hardly not going to listen.
But then it doesn't matter anyway. I didn't hear a word either of them said. Although I do remember pretty clearly that when they opened my bedroom door - they were both grinning sheepishly and holding hands, and I squealed and hugged them both. And then they called me weird.
It's not like I mind. I am weird. I pride myself on being weird.
I'm outside the aforementioned bedroom door now - i.e. my bedroom door, in my house. I push it open slowly; trying not to knock over one of my many mountainous piles of crap I have growing on my floor. It's not very tidy, it's not very neat, but it's the only thing that manages to keep the rest of my hideously interfering family out of the way. They can't abide mess - I can't abide their incessant tidying. It all works out well, and we manage to keep out of each others way most of the time.
I have a twin brother and an older sister. They're around all of the time, so you might think it would be hard for me to keep out of their way, but surprisingly it's not. Then again, I think that they avoid me, so there's not a lot of work for me to do there. Brian, my twin, thinks I'm weird for hanging around with Billie and Mike, because he detests them like he detests anyone that's gay or bi, or in any way different to him. Sherri, my older sister, doesn't avoid me as such, but she doesn't notice me. She doesn't notice anyone. She spends all of her time shut up in her room, shooting up on heroin and sneaking her abusive boyfriend in.
I don't like to think about the two of them, together and high in her room.
Sherri and I used to be really close, but then she got hooked and started dating him, and she pushed me away. I was the only one in this family who she used to talk to, and now she ignores me too. I'm worried about her, but there's nothing I can do. She does talk to me occasionally, so I guess I should just be grateful for that. That and the fact she's not dead yet.
I'm going to stop thinking about her though. Whenever I think about Sherri I get seriously depressed and down. Think about... think about school.
Okay, not helping. My school's a crap heap full of self centred losers who think I'm dirt because I'm not perfect. Still, I've got Billie and Mike at school, so it's not all bad.
I collapse onto my bed, watching a pile of clothes that are on my floor warily. They're leaning over in a very uncertain manner, and I think one tiny movement from me will bring them crashing down onto my floor. Then I feel it. There's a sneeze building up in my nose, and when I let it out this pile is going to fall all over my floor. I try to hold the sneeze in, I really do, but my eyes are beginning to stream and my nose is tingling in a really, really weird way. And then when I do sneeze, I don't just sneeze. My whole face seems to explode with the force, and it not only brings my pile crashing down, but it brings Sherri into my room.
"What the hell?" she mutters as clothes, books and CDs clatter onto my floor, landing on top of various other clothes, books and CDs.
"I sneezed," I say by way of explanation, not wanting to say anything else because I'm scared of what further conversation might bring.
"Are Mom and Dad gonna be home tonight?" she asks.
"No... " I mutter.
"Is Brian? Are you?"
"Brian's going out, don't know about me... why?" I ask slowly, with a feeling that I know. Her eyes cloud over and I realise I'm right.
"Dan's coming over, and he's bringing some... friends. You won't tell them, will you?"
"No," I sigh. Dan's her boyfriend. "I'm gonna go out then."
"Okay. Thanks," she says, not picking up on the fact the only reason I'm not staying here is because I can't abide him. I sigh and decide to go around to Mike's. He's the best advice giver I know.
I remember when they first started going out. I got them together. It was Billie who told me first.
"Charlie?" he said to me. We'd just left Mike's house, and it was just the two of us.
"Yeah?" I say, turning to him. I'm kind of worried by the tone in his voice. He sounds really worried and nervous - not at all like Billie.
"I'm bi," he says with a deep breath. "And I think I'm in love with Mike." The words tumble out of his mouth in such a rush it takes a moment or two for my brain to work out what he's just said.
"In love?" I asked eventually. "Love?"
"You... you don't think it's weird that I'm bi? Or that it's Mike I like?" he asks uncertainly.
"Of course not Billie," I answer honestly. "But love is pretty extreme."
"Tell me about it," he mutters.
And then Mike told me the same thing. I found it vaguely hilarious, more than anything. The two of them were so absolutely clueless about what to do. You know how I find watching girls find out about them so fascinating? Well, it was like that. They both started to get really nervous and awkward around each other, and never knowing how to act. In the end I locked them in my bedroom and refused to let them out until they talked and got it out in the open, because it was driving me so insane.
I don't know if you've ever been in that kind of situation, but it's actually very stressful. I felt like cupid or something, and I've never pitied the guy more. Imagine how he must feel on Valentines Day.
Anyway, I tried not to listen to them when they were in there, but...
Okay. That's a lie. I tried my damn hardest to listen to them - but then, wouldn't you? You would. Don't try and pretend. My two best friends were becoming gay, sorry, bi, before my eyes! It was brilliant! I was hardly not going to listen.
But then it doesn't matter anyway. I didn't hear a word either of them said. Although I do remember pretty clearly that when they opened my bedroom door - they were both grinning sheepishly and holding hands, and I squealed and hugged them both. And then they called me weird.
It's not like I mind. I am weird. I pride myself on being weird.
I'm outside the aforementioned bedroom door now - i.e. my bedroom door, in my house. I push it open slowly; trying not to knock over one of my many mountainous piles of crap I have growing on my floor. It's not very tidy, it's not very neat, but it's the only thing that manages to keep the rest of my hideously interfering family out of the way. They can't abide mess - I can't abide their incessant tidying. It all works out well, and we manage to keep out of each others way most of the time.
I have a twin brother and an older sister. They're around all of the time, so you might think it would be hard for me to keep out of their way, but surprisingly it's not. Then again, I think that they avoid me, so there's not a lot of work for me to do there. Brian, my twin, thinks I'm weird for hanging around with Billie and Mike, because he detests them like he detests anyone that's gay or bi, or in any way different to him. Sherri, my older sister, doesn't avoid me as such, but she doesn't notice me. She doesn't notice anyone. She spends all of her time shut up in her room, shooting up on heroin and sneaking her abusive boyfriend in.
I don't like to think about the two of them, together and high in her room.
Sherri and I used to be really close, but then she got hooked and started dating him, and she pushed me away. I was the only one in this family who she used to talk to, and now she ignores me too. I'm worried about her, but there's nothing I can do. She does talk to me occasionally, so I guess I should just be grateful for that. That and the fact she's not dead yet.
I'm going to stop thinking about her though. Whenever I think about Sherri I get seriously depressed and down. Think about... think about school.
Okay, not helping. My school's a crap heap full of self centred losers who think I'm dirt because I'm not perfect. Still, I've got Billie and Mike at school, so it's not all bad.
I collapse onto my bed, watching a pile of clothes that are on my floor warily. They're leaning over in a very uncertain manner, and I think one tiny movement from me will bring them crashing down onto my floor. Then I feel it. There's a sneeze building up in my nose, and when I let it out this pile is going to fall all over my floor. I try to hold the sneeze in, I really do, but my eyes are beginning to stream and my nose is tingling in a really, really weird way. And then when I do sneeze, I don't just sneeze. My whole face seems to explode with the force, and it not only brings my pile crashing down, but it brings Sherri into my room.
"What the hell?" she mutters as clothes, books and CDs clatter onto my floor, landing on top of various other clothes, books and CDs.
"I sneezed," I say by way of explanation, not wanting to say anything else because I'm scared of what further conversation might bring.
"Are Mom and Dad gonna be home tonight?" she asks.
"No... " I mutter.
"Is Brian? Are you?"
"Brian's going out, don't know about me... why?" I ask slowly, with a feeling that I know. Her eyes cloud over and I realise I'm right.
"Dan's coming over, and he's bringing some... friends. You won't tell them, will you?"
"No," I sigh. Dan's her boyfriend. "I'm gonna go out then."
"Okay. Thanks," she says, not picking up on the fact the only reason I'm not staying here is because I can't abide him. I sigh and decide to go around to Mike's. He's the best advice giver I know.
