"I've Done Twins", chapter 16
Leah was almost done cleaning by the time everyone was awake. Tre was the first to
help.
"Man, where'd all this fuckin' confetti come from?" He asked.
"You're pants," She replied honestly.
"Really?" Tre reached into his pants and pulled out some more, "That would probably
explain this."
Jess came into the kitchen, where Tre had his hands down his pants and Leah was
picking up the confetti he threw out of them.
"Uh... ok?"
"Jessie, I've got all this shit in my pants," He moaned.
"Aw, that's too bad," She laughed, grabbing the broom and sweeping up.
"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!" Shouted Courtney. Leah groaned and went into her
sister's room. Courtney was cuddled up to Billie, sitting up on the bed. Courtney had
the sheets high, as though she were covering something, and Billie had no shirt on.
Leah stared.
"Courtney, may I speak to you in... in... in outside, please?"
"But-"
"NOW!" She demanded, opening the door. Courtney looked at Billie strangely before
getting out of bed.
"You didn't?" Asked Leah, shutting the study door.
"Didn't what?" Snapped Courtney.
"You... you didn't... sleep with Billie... did you?"
"Yeah, I slept with him," She replied, shrugging.
"But... so... you're not a... a..." She leaned forward and whispered, "Virgin?"
Courtney burst out laughing, "No, I slept with him, but that's all I did, sleep!"
Leah breathed a sigh of relief, "Good, keep it that way."
"Hypocrite," She teased.
"Yeah, but you're younger... so... Don't do drugs and wait until your wedding night."
"Why?" Moaned Courtney.
"Because it's more special," Replied Leah, smiling dreamily, "You don't want it to be
unpassionate or anything."
"Talking from experience, Lee?" Grinned Courtney.
"Just do as I say, Courtney. Or you'll regret it for the rest of your fucking life."
At about 10:00am, the house was finally cleaned. It looked as though there was no
party at all. April would never know the difference... except for the couple of broken
glasses and vases and ornaments.
"Well," Grinned Tre, "I think we did pretty well!"
"I think so," Smiled Jess, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"I think we all had better go up stairs and beat up Mike for not helping," Billie
mumbled bitterly.
"I agree," Said Leah, in a kind of loud voice.
"Ok then," Shrugged Hayley, "I'll get his feet."
"I bags the arms," Jason added quickly.
"I'll get the groin..." Grinned Tre.
"I'll take whatever someone else isn't," Laughed Leah.
"Yeah, same," Courtney, Jess and Billie said.
Blissfully unaware that he was about to be attacked by a crazed group of friends, Mike
rolled over and hugged his pillow, with a smile on his face. The door creaked open,
Tre was the first to tip toe in. They swarmed around Mike's (well... Leah's) bed,
grinning evilly. Mike opened his eyes and saw them.
"Uh..."
"Get him," Grinned Leah.
Everyone stacked up on Mike, tickling him, playfully, but still hurtfully, punching him,
pinching, biting... everything.
Mike was screaming in agony, everyone kept doing their slow forms of torture.
"ARGH! LEAH! MAKE THEM STOP! PLEASE!"
Leah laughed evilly and slipped down to his feet, knowing he was extremely ticklish
there. She ran her finger nails down his feet, Mike flinched and tried to kick his foot
away.
"PLEASE! PLEASE!" He was laughing and screaming in pain, "STOP! STOP! FUCK
OFF!"
After about two more minutes of slow, painful suffering. Everyone stopped, and left
Mike in a bloody mess! He had bite marks all over him, his arms had small bruises, his
feet were tingling from the tickling, his hair had been pulled from the roots... and he
was sure his sex organs were so badly damaged that he would NEVER be able to
reproduce again.
"I hate you guys," He mumbled, sitting up and putting his head on Billie's shoulder,
"That hurt."
"Diddums," Grinned Billie.
"Who the hell decided you should come up here an harass me like that?"
Everyone looked at Billie. Mike took his head off Billie's shoulder and stared at him.
"I'll start running," Billie said, standing up and running out the door.
"Go get 'im, Mikey," Winked Courtney.
A few hours later, an after Billie had the shit beaten out of him by Mike, April came
home.
"Hm, I was expecting this place to be trashed," She said snobbishly.
"Really?" Snapped Leah.
"It was for a while," Tre said casually, Courtney punched his arm.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" April asked, looking at Tre.
"Oh... uh... nothing."
She briefly inspected the house before turning to everyone else and saying.
"Well... goodbye."
Gladly, Leah walked out the door, followed quickly by the boys, and finally the other
girls.
"Ugh! She's so damn bitchy!" Hissed Billie, "It's annoying!"
"Ooh," Tre said, pretending to be April, "Look at me, I'm a egoistic little
bitch that didn't talk to Leah once... ooh! I broke a nail! I must go spend a million
dollars on a new house... ooh!"
Leah laughed, Courtney looked away, and didn't seem happy. Jess and Hayley quickly
glanced at Tre, with a look that told him to shut up.
"C'mon, Hayles," Jason coughed, "I've gotta... uh... show! Yeah, show you something
in my room." Hayley grinned at him.
"Ok then,"
"Well, Tre, I'd better go. I'll talk to you guys later, ok?" Jess put her hands on
Courtney and Leah's shoulders, she smiled and them and kissed Tre's lips quickly, "I
promised mother I would..." She shuddered, "Go see my grandma."
"Nutcase," Mumbled Leah.
"Tell me about," Groaned Jess.
Courtney flopped onto the couch, Billie ran to his bag and pulled out his favourite
Misfits shirt.
"Aw, baby," He moaned, smelling and hugging his shirt like a child hugs a teddy, "I
missed you."
Courtney smiled and giggled quietly. Billie ripped off his shirt and pulled his Misfits
one on.
"Aw, that's better," He grinned, coming and sitting next to Courtney.
"This hotel's beautiful," She smiled.
"I know," Billie agreed, "I saw these people having sex in the sauna."
"Oh! Gross! I wanted to use that!"
"What is it with you and sex?" Asked Billie, "You seem to be disgusted by it."
"Oh, uh, no. I'm not. I'm not really the person to talk to about it. There's nothing
wrong with it. But I don't like hearing about.... weird places to have sex. Eg.: A
sauna."
He laughed, "Good point," He couldn't help but ask, "But don't you want to lose your
virginity?"
Courtney choked and spluttered on air.
"What kind of a question is that?!" She shouted, a little bit outraged (ok, a lot
outraged). She covered her outburst with a fake laugh, "I mean, really. It's a weird
subject."
"No it's not," Billie said, "Courts, you should be comfortable with sex."
"Oh, shut up Billie, stop sounding like Leah."
She went quiet and didn't really give Billie any attention.
"Look, Courts, I'm sorry. I was... I shouldn't have talked about it. I understand that
you're uncomfortable."
"Billie! With all my friends... I'm the ONLY one who's twenty-five and still a virgin!"
Billie smiled and put his arm around her shoulders, she put her head on his shoulder
and shifted closer to him.
"That's ok, Courts. Honestly, it is. Besides, if you're waiting until you get married..."
"I'm not," She replied.
"Then what are you waiting for?" He asked. His theory went down the drain. Billie
thought that's what she was waiting for, her wedding night. Obviously he was wrong.
"I'm waiting for... a guy who loves me enough," She replied, "I've been pressured into
it, but I just told the guy 'No, because you don't love me' and they just say it. To get
some. But I can tell they're lying. They never mean it."
Billie sighed, "Guys can be jerks," He admitted, "And I know that. It's coming from a
guy."
Courtney looked up and smiled, "No, Billie, you're not a jerk. I love how you haven't
really pressured me, or forced me into anything."
"I'd love to though," He joked.
"I know you would," Replied Courtney, grabbing his hand and holding it, "Besides,
even if I did... y'know, get into that whole sex thing. I'd say it's too early in the
relationship for that."
"I concur," Smiled Billie.
Tre was sitting next to Leah on the couch watching South Park, while pigging out on
snacks from the mini bar in the fridge.
"You're pigging out Tre, it's not healthy," Leah warned.
"I'm not pigging out. I looked it up in the dictionary thing," He said, shoving more
chocolate in his already full mouth, "It's to stuff one's self."
"Or over eat," Leah giggled, "Tre, we have to pay for all of that,"
"Yeah, I know. You have to pay for all of this."
She snatched a chocolate bar out of his hands and bit into it. "Hey!" Tre protested,
"That's mine!"
"I paid for it," Grinned Leah, "And anyway, you don't need it."
"And you do?" Tre snapped. Leah certainly wasn't fat, but Tre had nothing better to
say.
"Well," Leah's grin became wider, "I was going through menstration. Chocolates good
for that time of month."
"Aw! Leah! Too much info, please!" Tre said, screwing up his face and covering his
ears.
"Shut up," Snapped Leah, "Or you'll wake up with tampons in your nose."
Mike walked into the room, after having a shower, just in time to hear that last
comment. He stared at Leah oddly.
"I didn't know tampons went up the nose," He shook his head, trying to rid himself of
horrible... tampon images.
"They don't," Tre snapped smartly, "They get rammed up the-"
"TRE! SHUT IT!" Shouted Leah, "We shouldn't talk about it while I'm eating."
"Weak stomach, Lee Lee?" Asked Mike, grinning.
"When it comes to periods, extremely weak. I hate them. They fucking suck."
Mike and Tre secretly rolled there eyes, seriously underestimating the suckiness of
periods.
"And child birth! Why do women go through so much shit!"
"You have a longer life expectancy..." Mike said, trying to sound positive.
"Great, more time to push out kids, suffer periods, menopause, cooking, cleaning,
watching the children, sometimes abuse..."
"Hey," Tre interrupted, "You're making men sound stupid..."
"Really?" She hissed coldly, her attitude changed instantly, "No, Tre. I'm not saying
all men are stupid. Though, most are..."
Tre couldn't help but grin sort of proudly.
"I mean, take Mike for example," Leah pointed to Mike. He looked a little worried and
didn't make eye contact with Leah, "Mike's a fantastic cook... compared to you other
guys... He cleans, he likes children, he doesn't beat up women... he's a nice guy."
Mike grinned.
"Compare him to.... I dunno.... uh... Bob McFake," Leah smiled at her made up
character, "He beats his wife and children, never cooks, never cleans, never gives his
wife loving, he goes out and gets tanked every night..."
"Leah, we get the point," Grunted Tre, "Women are superior. When it comes to Battle
Of The Sexes, men should lose. But... I care about chicks. I mean.... if you were in
Labor..."
"That'll be the day," Leah mumbled, rolling her eyes.
"I'd be there for you... if Mike wasn't."
"What gives you the idea I'd have kids with Mike?" Chuckled Leah, Mike started
feeling uncomfortable.
"Hey, who wants to go swimming? I'm hot!"
"Damn straight," Grinned Tre.
help.
"Man, where'd all this fuckin' confetti come from?" He asked.
"You're pants," She replied honestly.
"Really?" Tre reached into his pants and pulled out some more, "That would probably
explain this."
Jess came into the kitchen, where Tre had his hands down his pants and Leah was
picking up the confetti he threw out of them.
"Uh... ok?"
"Jessie, I've got all this shit in my pants," He moaned.
"Aw, that's too bad," She laughed, grabbing the broom and sweeping up.
"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!" Shouted Courtney. Leah groaned and went into her
sister's room. Courtney was cuddled up to Billie, sitting up on the bed. Courtney had
the sheets high, as though she were covering something, and Billie had no shirt on.
Leah stared.
"Courtney, may I speak to you in... in... in outside, please?"
"But-"
"NOW!" She demanded, opening the door. Courtney looked at Billie strangely before
getting out of bed.
"You didn't?" Asked Leah, shutting the study door.
"Didn't what?" Snapped Courtney.
"You... you didn't... sleep with Billie... did you?"
"Yeah, I slept with him," She replied, shrugging.
"But... so... you're not a... a..." She leaned forward and whispered, "Virgin?"
Courtney burst out laughing, "No, I slept with him, but that's all I did, sleep!"
Leah breathed a sigh of relief, "Good, keep it that way."
"Hypocrite," She teased.
"Yeah, but you're younger... so... Don't do drugs and wait until your wedding night."
"Why?" Moaned Courtney.
"Because it's more special," Replied Leah, smiling dreamily, "You don't want it to be
unpassionate or anything."
"Talking from experience, Lee?" Grinned Courtney.
"Just do as I say, Courtney. Or you'll regret it for the rest of your fucking life."
At about 10:00am, the house was finally cleaned. It looked as though there was no
party at all. April would never know the difference... except for the couple of broken
glasses and vases and ornaments.
"Well," Grinned Tre, "I think we did pretty well!"
"I think so," Smiled Jess, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"I think we all had better go up stairs and beat up Mike for not helping," Billie
mumbled bitterly.
"I agree," Said Leah, in a kind of loud voice.
"Ok then," Shrugged Hayley, "I'll get his feet."
"I bags the arms," Jason added quickly.
"I'll get the groin..." Grinned Tre.
"I'll take whatever someone else isn't," Laughed Leah.
"Yeah, same," Courtney, Jess and Billie said.
Blissfully unaware that he was about to be attacked by a crazed group of friends, Mike
rolled over and hugged his pillow, with a smile on his face. The door creaked open,
Tre was the first to tip toe in. They swarmed around Mike's (well... Leah's) bed,
grinning evilly. Mike opened his eyes and saw them.
"Uh..."
"Get him," Grinned Leah.
Everyone stacked up on Mike, tickling him, playfully, but still hurtfully, punching him,
pinching, biting... everything.
Mike was screaming in agony, everyone kept doing their slow forms of torture.
"ARGH! LEAH! MAKE THEM STOP! PLEASE!"
Leah laughed evilly and slipped down to his feet, knowing he was extremely ticklish
there. She ran her finger nails down his feet, Mike flinched and tried to kick his foot
away.
"PLEASE! PLEASE!" He was laughing and screaming in pain, "STOP! STOP! FUCK
OFF!"
After about two more minutes of slow, painful suffering. Everyone stopped, and left
Mike in a bloody mess! He had bite marks all over him, his arms had small bruises, his
feet were tingling from the tickling, his hair had been pulled from the roots... and he
was sure his sex organs were so badly damaged that he would NEVER be able to
reproduce again.
"I hate you guys," He mumbled, sitting up and putting his head on Billie's shoulder,
"That hurt."
"Diddums," Grinned Billie.
"Who the hell decided you should come up here an harass me like that?"
Everyone looked at Billie. Mike took his head off Billie's shoulder and stared at him.
"I'll start running," Billie said, standing up and running out the door.
"Go get 'im, Mikey," Winked Courtney.
A few hours later, an after Billie had the shit beaten out of him by Mike, April came
home.
"Hm, I was expecting this place to be trashed," She said snobbishly.
"Really?" Snapped Leah.
"It was for a while," Tre said casually, Courtney punched his arm.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" April asked, looking at Tre.
"Oh... uh... nothing."
She briefly inspected the house before turning to everyone else and saying.
"Well... goodbye."
Gladly, Leah walked out the door, followed quickly by the boys, and finally the other
girls.
"Ugh! She's so damn bitchy!" Hissed Billie, "It's annoying!"
"Ooh," Tre said, pretending to be April, "Look at me, I'm a egoistic little
bitch that didn't talk to Leah once... ooh! I broke a nail! I must go spend a million
dollars on a new house... ooh!"
Leah laughed, Courtney looked away, and didn't seem happy. Jess and Hayley quickly
glanced at Tre, with a look that told him to shut up.
"C'mon, Hayles," Jason coughed, "I've gotta... uh... show! Yeah, show you something
in my room." Hayley grinned at him.
"Ok then,"
"Well, Tre, I'd better go. I'll talk to you guys later, ok?" Jess put her hands on
Courtney and Leah's shoulders, she smiled and them and kissed Tre's lips quickly, "I
promised mother I would..." She shuddered, "Go see my grandma."
"Nutcase," Mumbled Leah.
"Tell me about," Groaned Jess.
Courtney flopped onto the couch, Billie ran to his bag and pulled out his favourite
Misfits shirt.
"Aw, baby," He moaned, smelling and hugging his shirt like a child hugs a teddy, "I
missed you."
Courtney smiled and giggled quietly. Billie ripped off his shirt and pulled his Misfits
one on.
"Aw, that's better," He grinned, coming and sitting next to Courtney.
"This hotel's beautiful," She smiled.
"I know," Billie agreed, "I saw these people having sex in the sauna."
"Oh! Gross! I wanted to use that!"
"What is it with you and sex?" Asked Billie, "You seem to be disgusted by it."
"Oh, uh, no. I'm not. I'm not really the person to talk to about it. There's nothing
wrong with it. But I don't like hearing about.... weird places to have sex. Eg.: A
sauna."
He laughed, "Good point," He couldn't help but ask, "But don't you want to lose your
virginity?"
Courtney choked and spluttered on air.
"What kind of a question is that?!" She shouted, a little bit outraged (ok, a lot
outraged). She covered her outburst with a fake laugh, "I mean, really. It's a weird
subject."
"No it's not," Billie said, "Courts, you should be comfortable with sex."
"Oh, shut up Billie, stop sounding like Leah."
She went quiet and didn't really give Billie any attention.
"Look, Courts, I'm sorry. I was... I shouldn't have talked about it. I understand that
you're uncomfortable."
"Billie! With all my friends... I'm the ONLY one who's twenty-five and still a virgin!"
Billie smiled and put his arm around her shoulders, she put her head on his shoulder
and shifted closer to him.
"That's ok, Courts. Honestly, it is. Besides, if you're waiting until you get married..."
"I'm not," She replied.
"Then what are you waiting for?" He asked. His theory went down the drain. Billie
thought that's what she was waiting for, her wedding night. Obviously he was wrong.
"I'm waiting for... a guy who loves me enough," She replied, "I've been pressured into
it, but I just told the guy 'No, because you don't love me' and they just say it. To get
some. But I can tell they're lying. They never mean it."
Billie sighed, "Guys can be jerks," He admitted, "And I know that. It's coming from a
guy."
Courtney looked up and smiled, "No, Billie, you're not a jerk. I love how you haven't
really pressured me, or forced me into anything."
"I'd love to though," He joked.
"I know you would," Replied Courtney, grabbing his hand and holding it, "Besides,
even if I did... y'know, get into that whole sex thing. I'd say it's too early in the
relationship for that."
"I concur," Smiled Billie.
Tre was sitting next to Leah on the couch watching South Park, while pigging out on
snacks from the mini bar in the fridge.
"You're pigging out Tre, it's not healthy," Leah warned.
"I'm not pigging out. I looked it up in the dictionary thing," He said, shoving more
chocolate in his already full mouth, "It's to stuff one's self."
"Or over eat," Leah giggled, "Tre, we have to pay for all of that,"
"Yeah, I know. You have to pay for all of this."
She snatched a chocolate bar out of his hands and bit into it. "Hey!" Tre protested,
"That's mine!"
"I paid for it," Grinned Leah, "And anyway, you don't need it."
"And you do?" Tre snapped. Leah certainly wasn't fat, but Tre had nothing better to
say.
"Well," Leah's grin became wider, "I was going through menstration. Chocolates good
for that time of month."
"Aw! Leah! Too much info, please!" Tre said, screwing up his face and covering his
ears.
"Shut up," Snapped Leah, "Or you'll wake up with tampons in your nose."
Mike walked into the room, after having a shower, just in time to hear that last
comment. He stared at Leah oddly.
"I didn't know tampons went up the nose," He shook his head, trying to rid himself of
horrible... tampon images.
"They don't," Tre snapped smartly, "They get rammed up the-"
"TRE! SHUT IT!" Shouted Leah, "We shouldn't talk about it while I'm eating."
"Weak stomach, Lee Lee?" Asked Mike, grinning.
"When it comes to periods, extremely weak. I hate them. They fucking suck."
Mike and Tre secretly rolled there eyes, seriously underestimating the suckiness of
periods.
"And child birth! Why do women go through so much shit!"
"You have a longer life expectancy..." Mike said, trying to sound positive.
"Great, more time to push out kids, suffer periods, menopause, cooking, cleaning,
watching the children, sometimes abuse..."
"Hey," Tre interrupted, "You're making men sound stupid..."
"Really?" She hissed coldly, her attitude changed instantly, "No, Tre. I'm not saying
all men are stupid. Though, most are..."
Tre couldn't help but grin sort of proudly.
"I mean, take Mike for example," Leah pointed to Mike. He looked a little worried and
didn't make eye contact with Leah, "Mike's a fantastic cook... compared to you other
guys... He cleans, he likes children, he doesn't beat up women... he's a nice guy."
Mike grinned.
"Compare him to.... I dunno.... uh... Bob McFake," Leah smiled at her made up
character, "He beats his wife and children, never cooks, never cleans, never gives his
wife loving, he goes out and gets tanked every night..."
"Leah, we get the point," Grunted Tre, "Women are superior. When it comes to Battle
Of The Sexes, men should lose. But... I care about chicks. I mean.... if you were in
Labor..."
"That'll be the day," Leah mumbled, rolling her eyes.
"I'd be there for you... if Mike wasn't."
"What gives you the idea I'd have kids with Mike?" Chuckled Leah, Mike started
feeling uncomfortable.
"Hey, who wants to go swimming? I'm hot!"
"Damn straight," Grinned Tre.
