"I've Done Twins", chapter 23
At home, Courtney ran into Hayley.
"I'm so sorry," Hayley said, "If it helps you can slap me."
"Nah," Smiled Courtney, "Hayley... please, I've been your best friend since... God
knows when and... I couldn't be mad at you if I tried."
Hayley grinned innocently, "It's my childlike charm, isn't it?"
"Kinda," Chuckled Courtney, giving Hayley a hug, "But serious, if you ever do it again
you'd better sleep with one eye open."
Hayley swallowed hard, "Yes'm."
Jason came into the lounge room where Billie was.
"Hey, man," Jason smiled weakly.
"Hi, Jase."
"Uh... look, about Hayley..."
"Forget it," Muttered Billie, "There's nothing."
"I know," Smiled Jason, "But I still get to kick your ass, right?"
"I'll... uh... let you... do a photo shoot if you don't hurt me," Grinned Billie.
"I'LL HAVE MY OWN POSTER?!" Gasped Jason, "OOH! BILLIE I LOVE YOU!"
"Love you too," Laughed Billie as Jason hugged him.
Hayley came in, "Oh, so YOU'RE cheating on ME with Billie now, eh Jase?"
"He's a good lover," Jason joked, "He makes me feel like a REAL woman."
"Oh, the pain of it all," Cried Hayley.
Jason got off Billie and sat back down on the couch, "Man, where did the other's go?"
"Ice cream shop," Sighed Courtney, walking in and slapping the back of Billie's head.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"Cause I love ya," Grinned Courtney.
"Aw, I love you too," He glared at her sarcastically.
"Good to know," Courtney smiled, opening her magazine.
"TRE IS READY TO PAR-TAY!" Tre screamed, running into the house with a big
beer keg on his shoulder.
Courtney looked up from her magazine and stared at Tre. Jason was asleep, Billie kept
watching t.v. and Hayley was running her fingers through Jase's hair. All not caring
that Tre had made quite an entrance.
"That didn't have the effect I wanted it to," He sulked, taking the beer into the kitchen.
Leah walked in and hugged Courtney, she quickly kissed her cheek, too.
"You alright?" She asked.
"Everything's fine," Courtney replied, grinning at Billie.
"What happened here?" Mike asked, coming in followed by Jess.
"Nothing, can't you tell?" Grunted Billie.
"Whoa! Look at that scratch on your face, Billie! It's huge!" Jess gasped, "How'd you
do that?"
Leah went a little red and walked away.
"It was the Evil Twin," Billie answered, "She scratched me."
"Sorry," Courtney said on Leah's behalf, "She was always over protective."
"Yeah, I know," Sighed Billie, putting his hand up to the massive slit on his cheek,
"It'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" Courtney said, leaning over and kissing his cheek.
"Yeah, it's fine."
Later...
Tre ran in and jumped on Jason.
"WAKE UP YOU LUG! PAR-TAY TIME!"
"Not in the mood," Groaned Jason, rolling over, "Later."
"I'm not asking for sex, Jason. I want a party!"
"Par-tay," Jess corrected.
"JASON! STRIPPERS! LOOK!"
Jason shot up, Hayley glared at him.
"Damn it, Tre!" He snapped, "Leave me alone."
"Don't be angry at me, darling," Tre teased, "I know you still love me."
"You'd better leave me alone..." Jason warned.
"Or else what?" Tre grinned.
"Or else THIS!" Jason sat up and jumped on Tre, they wrestled for a while until
Courtney tipped a bit of beer on Tre.
"NO! THAT'S A WASTE OF BEER!" Tre screamed.
"COME HERE!" Jason screamed, "I'LL SUCK IT OFF!"
"Ew," Billie scoffed, "Believe me now, Mike?"
"Oh shut up," Snapped Mike, "They're not gay, Billie. For the last time!"
Billie rolled his eyes and told himself that he was right, Mike was wrong.
After a while, everything died down and they were just having conversations and
drinking. Nobody really listened to Tre and Jason because they were slurring and
hiccupping and giggling to much.
"Billie," Courtney whispered, "It's late. How are we gonna get these two drunks to
bed?"
Billie looked down at Tre and Jason, who were giggling insanely at a fart joke.
"I have no idea."
Billie spent the next to hours trying to drag Tre and Jason into bed.
The Next Morning...
Leah was the first awake the next morning. She stood up and tried to find out where
everyone slept last night.
Tre was on the floor of the lounge room, Jason was on the floor, next to Tre, but the
weird thing was, Tre's head was resting on Jason's shoulder and Jason was running his
hand up and down Tre's arm. Leah giggled but wondered what the fuck they did last
night.
And Mike was in their bed. Well, spread eagle with his feet hanging off the bed.
She cleaned up the mess and threw the beer bottles in the recycling bin.
"Tre? Are you going to stay there or are you getting up?" She asked, nudging his head
with her foot, before quickly taking a photo with her phone of the boys cuddling
together.
Tre opened his tired blue eyes and smirked.
"This carpet is really comfy."
"I'll bet it is."
Jason woke up and screamed.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" He screamed at Tre.
Tre grinned. "You were cuddling me, so shut up and do your job."
"WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE HAYLEY!"
"Well, I'm not. I'm Tre," Tre grinned. "Does Hayley always get treated like that? My,
my! I'm jealous," He joked.
Jason pushed him away and hid behind Leah.
"Leah... I... I didn't touch him or anything did I?"
Leah laughed. "Jason, don't you remember? You and Tre made very passionate love
last night."
"WHAT?! OH GOD!" he fell over and rubbed his head. "I'm... I... what will Hayles
think of me now?"
"Threesome?" Tre suggested.
"Over my dead body," Jason snapped. "Oh, I need a shower...I feel dirty."
"This is the dirty you kinda can't wash off, Jase," Leah said.
"I DON'T CARE!" He screamed, running towards the shower.
"I... I didn't REALLY have sex with Jase, right, Lee?" Tre asked, only realizing the
serious look on Leah's face.
"Maybe you didn't... maybe you did."
"Oh... gross... I think I might jump in the shower with him... wait no! That's... oh
yuck..." Tre walked away, muttering and trying to remember last night.
"Hey, Tre, if you ARE going to have a shower with him...do ya mind if I watch?" She
joked. "I could tape it and I know MILLIONS of sick minds that will LOVE to watch
it."
Tre looked back at her and gave her the finger. Leah chuckled.
"What? Dude, trust me, I know heaps of people who would sell their first born child to
see you backdoor Jason!"
Tre looked on the verge of tears until Leah noticed Mike, standing at his door looking
confused, disgusted and scared.
"Back... door... Jason? Tre... what did you do to him?"
Tre rolled his scared eyes and walked away.
"Leah, care to explain?" Mike asked, ruffling her hair and kissing her cheek.
"Are you accusing me of starting trouble?" Leah asked pretending to be utterly
shocked.
"Yes, indeed I am, what did you tell them?"
"I told them they... erm... fucked each other, pretty much."
"Now Leah, you know not to take advantage of them when they're drunk," Mike
smiled.
"I did no such thing, what if I was right?"
"I doubt you are," Mike said.
"Well...I like screwing with their heads."
Billie woke up in the bathtub. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes.
"Oh... man..." He moaned hopelessly. He sat up to see Jason in the shower. Billie
screamed and grabbed a towel to hide his eyes. Jason tried to cover himself with his
hands.
"BILLIE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
Tre walked in just in time.
"Oh! So you'll let Billie OGAL your soapy, naked BODY but you won't let me even
HUG you! You're a fuckin' bitch, White."
Tre slammed the door. Billie slumped down into the bath and kept the towel over his
eyes... and Jason kept washing his hair.
"Believe me now, Micheal?" Billie mumbled to himself.
Hearing the annoying grunting and sobbing, Jess opened her eyes, and saw Tre angrily
writing on a piece of paper.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Jess asked, sitting up and looking over at what he was
writing. Tre slammed it to his chest, hiding it.
"Jess, honey, you can't read this. It's private."
"Who's it for?" She asked.
"Jason White."
"Oh God, it's a love letter isn't it?" Jess teased.
"We're getting a divorce!"
"You and Jason can't get a divorce," Scoffed Jess, "You're not married!"
"Well... it's a friendship divorce. I need his signature here, here and here. And his
initials there."
Jess tried not to crack up laughing at the seriousness he had about this.
"Ok, Tre. Well... best of luck for the custody case."
"SHIT!" Shouted Tre, "I just KNEW me and Jase should of got that fucking pre-nup!
I'll betcha he wants the beer! Batard. He'll use the beer to get back at me. Asshole."
Jess covered her face with her pillow and laughed like there was no tomorrow.
"JASON WHITE!" Tre screamed, slamming the piece of paper down at the breakfast
table. Hayley, Courtney, Leah and Mike jumped. Jason stared at the paper.
"You want a Friendship Divorce?!" Jason demanded.
Leah and Courtney exchanged weird looks.
"I've had it with your cheating ways, Mr White. We are SO not friends anymore."
"TRE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Jason screamed.
"Oh, I've heard this before," Hayley moaned.
"Same," The Twins said, thinking about their parent's divorce.
"I WILL DO THIS TO YOU, JASON! UNTIL YOU LEARN TO APPRECIATE
ME!"
"WHAT?! TRE...!"
"NO! IT'S OVER JASON! OVER!"
Tre ran out of the room like a pixie. Jason stared at the paper.
"I don't believe it."
Billie, who was outraged, shouted at Mike, "DO YOU BELIEVE ME NOW?!"
"YES! I BELIEVE YOU! YOU STUPID HOMOPHOBIC!"
"I'M NOT A HOMOPHOBIC! I'M BI-SEXUAL!"
Courtney couldn't help but grin at that. Leah shuddered and Hayley let her imagination
get away with her.
"Thanks for that... uh... graphic mental picture, Billie Joe," Leah mumbled.
"Great, wasn't it?" Grinned Courtney.
"Tre?" Whispered Jason, knocking on his door.
"Leave me alone, EX-BEST FRIEND!"
"Don't say that," He said softly, "Tre. Open the door."
Tre opened the door, looking upset. Jason handed him the paper, with his signature
and initials on the page.
"It's final," Tre whispered, "From this day forward... we are free men."
"We are," Jason answered, with a voice no higher then a whisper.
"You'll always be special, Jason."
Billie, who was within ear shot of the conversation nearly pissed his pants because he
was giggling so hard.
Tre shut the door and Jason looked like he were going to break down and cry. Hayley
ran over and hugged him.
"It's not fair," Jason mumbled, "I can't believe he just left me... FOR ANOTHER
BEST FRIEND!"
"YOU BITCH!" Tre screamed, opening the door, "YOU WERE THE ONE IN THE
SHOWER WITH BILLIE!"
Courtney, who was drying a plate, dropped it. She stared at Billie.
"THERE WAS SOME KINKY SHOWER SLASH GOING ON AND I WASN'T
INFORMED!?"
Leah grabbed Mike's shoulder and giggled into his back. Mike didn't make eye contact
with anyone.
Jess was shaking her head and Hayley had let go of Jason and backed away.
"Ok, I can't stand here watching my boyfriend divorce another guy. It ain't right," Jess
muttered, walking away into the kitchen. The rest of the gang crowded around to
watch.
"AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! FROM THE MINUTE YOU WALKED INTO MY
LIFE I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD END LIKE THIS!" Tre screamed.
"WELL... WELL... YOU WEREN'T EVEN A GOOD BEST FRIEND!"
Everyone except Jason gasped in complete shock.
Jesus, Thought Billie, I thought he was going to say he wasn't even a good
lover... sheesh!.
"How dare you say that..." Tre hissed coldly, "I was the best damn best friend
you've ever had! I'M THE BEST YOU EVER HAD!"
Courtney couldn't take it, she dropped to the floor and rolled around trying to breath.
Until a piece of the broken plate stabbed her in the arm.
"I WANT YOU BACK, TRE! PLEASE!" Cried Jason.
"NO! YOU DON'T APPRECIATE ME!"
Later...
"I'm so sorry," Hayley said, "If it helps you can slap me."
"Nah," Smiled Courtney, "Hayley... please, I've been your best friend since... God
knows when and... I couldn't be mad at you if I tried."
Hayley grinned innocently, "It's my childlike charm, isn't it?"
"Kinda," Chuckled Courtney, giving Hayley a hug, "But serious, if you ever do it again
you'd better sleep with one eye open."
Hayley swallowed hard, "Yes'm."
Jason came into the lounge room where Billie was.
"Hey, man," Jason smiled weakly.
"Hi, Jase."
"Uh... look, about Hayley..."
"Forget it," Muttered Billie, "There's nothing."
"I know," Smiled Jason, "But I still get to kick your ass, right?"
"I'll... uh... let you... do a photo shoot if you don't hurt me," Grinned Billie.
"I'LL HAVE MY OWN POSTER?!" Gasped Jason, "OOH! BILLIE I LOVE YOU!"
"Love you too," Laughed Billie as Jason hugged him.
Hayley came in, "Oh, so YOU'RE cheating on ME with Billie now, eh Jase?"
"He's a good lover," Jason joked, "He makes me feel like a REAL woman."
"Oh, the pain of it all," Cried Hayley.
Jason got off Billie and sat back down on the couch, "Man, where did the other's go?"
"Ice cream shop," Sighed Courtney, walking in and slapping the back of Billie's head.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"Cause I love ya," Grinned Courtney.
"Aw, I love you too," He glared at her sarcastically.
"Good to know," Courtney smiled, opening her magazine.
"TRE IS READY TO PAR-TAY!" Tre screamed, running into the house with a big
beer keg on his shoulder.
Courtney looked up from her magazine and stared at Tre. Jason was asleep, Billie kept
watching t.v. and Hayley was running her fingers through Jase's hair. All not caring
that Tre had made quite an entrance.
"That didn't have the effect I wanted it to," He sulked, taking the beer into the kitchen.
Leah walked in and hugged Courtney, she quickly kissed her cheek, too.
"You alright?" She asked.
"Everything's fine," Courtney replied, grinning at Billie.
"What happened here?" Mike asked, coming in followed by Jess.
"Nothing, can't you tell?" Grunted Billie.
"Whoa! Look at that scratch on your face, Billie! It's huge!" Jess gasped, "How'd you
do that?"
Leah went a little red and walked away.
"It was the Evil Twin," Billie answered, "She scratched me."
"Sorry," Courtney said on Leah's behalf, "She was always over protective."
"Yeah, I know," Sighed Billie, putting his hand up to the massive slit on his cheek,
"It'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" Courtney said, leaning over and kissing his cheek.
"Yeah, it's fine."
Later...
Tre ran in and jumped on Jason.
"WAKE UP YOU LUG! PAR-TAY TIME!"
"Not in the mood," Groaned Jason, rolling over, "Later."
"I'm not asking for sex, Jason. I want a party!"
"Par-tay," Jess corrected.
"JASON! STRIPPERS! LOOK!"
Jason shot up, Hayley glared at him.
"Damn it, Tre!" He snapped, "Leave me alone."
"Don't be angry at me, darling," Tre teased, "I know you still love me."
"You'd better leave me alone..." Jason warned.
"Or else what?" Tre grinned.
"Or else THIS!" Jason sat up and jumped on Tre, they wrestled for a while until
Courtney tipped a bit of beer on Tre.
"NO! THAT'S A WASTE OF BEER!" Tre screamed.
"COME HERE!" Jason screamed, "I'LL SUCK IT OFF!"
"Ew," Billie scoffed, "Believe me now, Mike?"
"Oh shut up," Snapped Mike, "They're not gay, Billie. For the last time!"
Billie rolled his eyes and told himself that he was right, Mike was wrong.
After a while, everything died down and they were just having conversations and
drinking. Nobody really listened to Tre and Jason because they were slurring and
hiccupping and giggling to much.
"Billie," Courtney whispered, "It's late. How are we gonna get these two drunks to
bed?"
Billie looked down at Tre and Jason, who were giggling insanely at a fart joke.
"I have no idea."
Billie spent the next to hours trying to drag Tre and Jason into bed.
The Next Morning...
Leah was the first awake the next morning. She stood up and tried to find out where
everyone slept last night.
Tre was on the floor of the lounge room, Jason was on the floor, next to Tre, but the
weird thing was, Tre's head was resting on Jason's shoulder and Jason was running his
hand up and down Tre's arm. Leah giggled but wondered what the fuck they did last
night.
And Mike was in their bed. Well, spread eagle with his feet hanging off the bed.
She cleaned up the mess and threw the beer bottles in the recycling bin.
"Tre? Are you going to stay there or are you getting up?" She asked, nudging his head
with her foot, before quickly taking a photo with her phone of the boys cuddling
together.
Tre opened his tired blue eyes and smirked.
"This carpet is really comfy."
"I'll bet it is."
Jason woke up and screamed.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" He screamed at Tre.
Tre grinned. "You were cuddling me, so shut up and do your job."
"WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE HAYLEY!"
"Well, I'm not. I'm Tre," Tre grinned. "Does Hayley always get treated like that? My,
my! I'm jealous," He joked.
Jason pushed him away and hid behind Leah.
"Leah... I... I didn't touch him or anything did I?"
Leah laughed. "Jason, don't you remember? You and Tre made very passionate love
last night."
"WHAT?! OH GOD!" he fell over and rubbed his head. "I'm... I... what will Hayles
think of me now?"
"Threesome?" Tre suggested.
"Over my dead body," Jason snapped. "Oh, I need a shower...I feel dirty."
"This is the dirty you kinda can't wash off, Jase," Leah said.
"I DON'T CARE!" He screamed, running towards the shower.
"I... I didn't REALLY have sex with Jase, right, Lee?" Tre asked, only realizing the
serious look on Leah's face.
"Maybe you didn't... maybe you did."
"Oh... gross... I think I might jump in the shower with him... wait no! That's... oh
yuck..." Tre walked away, muttering and trying to remember last night.
"Hey, Tre, if you ARE going to have a shower with him...do ya mind if I watch?" She
joked. "I could tape it and I know MILLIONS of sick minds that will LOVE to watch
it."
Tre looked back at her and gave her the finger. Leah chuckled.
"What? Dude, trust me, I know heaps of people who would sell their first born child to
see you backdoor Jason!"
Tre looked on the verge of tears until Leah noticed Mike, standing at his door looking
confused, disgusted and scared.
"Back... door... Jason? Tre... what did you do to him?"
Tre rolled his scared eyes and walked away.
"Leah, care to explain?" Mike asked, ruffling her hair and kissing her cheek.
"Are you accusing me of starting trouble?" Leah asked pretending to be utterly
shocked.
"Yes, indeed I am, what did you tell them?"
"I told them they... erm... fucked each other, pretty much."
"Now Leah, you know not to take advantage of them when they're drunk," Mike
smiled.
"I did no such thing, what if I was right?"
"I doubt you are," Mike said.
"Well...I like screwing with their heads."
Billie woke up in the bathtub. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes.
"Oh... man..." He moaned hopelessly. He sat up to see Jason in the shower. Billie
screamed and grabbed a towel to hide his eyes. Jason tried to cover himself with his
hands.
"BILLIE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
Tre walked in just in time.
"Oh! So you'll let Billie OGAL your soapy, naked BODY but you won't let me even
HUG you! You're a fuckin' bitch, White."
Tre slammed the door. Billie slumped down into the bath and kept the towel over his
eyes... and Jason kept washing his hair.
"Believe me now, Micheal?" Billie mumbled to himself.
Hearing the annoying grunting and sobbing, Jess opened her eyes, and saw Tre angrily
writing on a piece of paper.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Jess asked, sitting up and looking over at what he was
writing. Tre slammed it to his chest, hiding it.
"Jess, honey, you can't read this. It's private."
"Who's it for?" She asked.
"Jason White."
"Oh God, it's a love letter isn't it?" Jess teased.
"We're getting a divorce!"
"You and Jason can't get a divorce," Scoffed Jess, "You're not married!"
"Well... it's a friendship divorce. I need his signature here, here and here. And his
initials there."
Jess tried not to crack up laughing at the seriousness he had about this.
"Ok, Tre. Well... best of luck for the custody case."
"SHIT!" Shouted Tre, "I just KNEW me and Jase should of got that fucking pre-nup!
I'll betcha he wants the beer! Batard. He'll use the beer to get back at me. Asshole."
Jess covered her face with her pillow and laughed like there was no tomorrow.
"JASON WHITE!" Tre screamed, slamming the piece of paper down at the breakfast
table. Hayley, Courtney, Leah and Mike jumped. Jason stared at the paper.
"You want a Friendship Divorce?!" Jason demanded.
Leah and Courtney exchanged weird looks.
"I've had it with your cheating ways, Mr White. We are SO not friends anymore."
"TRE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Jason screamed.
"Oh, I've heard this before," Hayley moaned.
"Same," The Twins said, thinking about their parent's divorce.
"I WILL DO THIS TO YOU, JASON! UNTIL YOU LEARN TO APPRECIATE
ME!"
"WHAT?! TRE...!"
"NO! IT'S OVER JASON! OVER!"
Tre ran out of the room like a pixie. Jason stared at the paper.
"I don't believe it."
Billie, who was outraged, shouted at Mike, "DO YOU BELIEVE ME NOW?!"
"YES! I BELIEVE YOU! YOU STUPID HOMOPHOBIC!"
"I'M NOT A HOMOPHOBIC! I'M BI-SEXUAL!"
Courtney couldn't help but grin at that. Leah shuddered and Hayley let her imagination
get away with her.
"Thanks for that... uh... graphic mental picture, Billie Joe," Leah mumbled.
"Great, wasn't it?" Grinned Courtney.
"Tre?" Whispered Jason, knocking on his door.
"Leave me alone, EX-BEST FRIEND!"
"Don't say that," He said softly, "Tre. Open the door."
Tre opened the door, looking upset. Jason handed him the paper, with his signature
and initials on the page.
"It's final," Tre whispered, "From this day forward... we are free men."
"We are," Jason answered, with a voice no higher then a whisper.
"You'll always be special, Jason."
Billie, who was within ear shot of the conversation nearly pissed his pants because he
was giggling so hard.
Tre shut the door and Jason looked like he were going to break down and cry. Hayley
ran over and hugged him.
"It's not fair," Jason mumbled, "I can't believe he just left me... FOR ANOTHER
BEST FRIEND!"
"YOU BITCH!" Tre screamed, opening the door, "YOU WERE THE ONE IN THE
SHOWER WITH BILLIE!"
Courtney, who was drying a plate, dropped it. She stared at Billie.
"THERE WAS SOME KINKY SHOWER SLASH GOING ON AND I WASN'T
INFORMED!?"
Leah grabbed Mike's shoulder and giggled into his back. Mike didn't make eye contact
with anyone.
Jess was shaking her head and Hayley had let go of Jason and backed away.
"Ok, I can't stand here watching my boyfriend divorce another guy. It ain't right," Jess
muttered, walking away into the kitchen. The rest of the gang crowded around to
watch.
"AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! FROM THE MINUTE YOU WALKED INTO MY
LIFE I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD END LIKE THIS!" Tre screamed.
"WELL... WELL... YOU WEREN'T EVEN A GOOD BEST FRIEND!"
Everyone except Jason gasped in complete shock.
Jesus, Thought Billie, I thought he was going to say he wasn't even a good
lover... sheesh!.
"How dare you say that..." Tre hissed coldly, "I was the best damn best friend
you've ever had! I'M THE BEST YOU EVER HAD!"
Courtney couldn't take it, she dropped to the floor and rolled around trying to breath.
Until a piece of the broken plate stabbed her in the arm.
"I WANT YOU BACK, TRE! PLEASE!" Cried Jason.
"NO! YOU DON'T APPRECIATE ME!"
Later...
