First Kiss, chapter 10
It had been a few days since I had spoken a word. I continued to lie on my bed wondering about the world outside. I looked up at the ceiling wondering why my life was like this.
It was cold.
It was dark.
I was alone.
I pulled the covers that laid over me higher in an attempt to keep warm but it didn't seem to help. Something was missing. It had been driving me crazy over the last few days and I needed it back. The only problem was I knew what was missing and I knew I wouldn't get it back.
What was missing was love.
I had lost everything. My world was dark and it was going nowhere. At least that's how it felt to me. I couldn't believe that I was down like this. Depressed wouldn't be how you'd describe it. More like an emotional let down of turmoil and pandemonium. I guess though this was the way it had to be. I wasn't going to get my life back the way it was. I don't think I would even want my life to be the way it was, but I guess it was better then everything else. I mean, I had love, I had friendship and I had dreams and beliefs. They had all gone now and all I really had to focus on now was the darkness of my bedroom, a knife, some pills and a computer administrator that is ruining my life.
Lets run though my list again;
Darkness of my bedroom: I guess its just nice to be alone
A knife: I could make best friends with that black handle.
Pills: No not to overdose they're for my stomach cramps
Administrator: cos he's in my mind.
I walked over to the draw and leant down opening the bottom one. I pulled out some of the alcohol that had been stored in there from when Michael had hosted that god-forsaken party of his.
I pulled it out.
It was still cold.
I started to drink.
My problems seemed to disappear and fade away.
I drank more.
The room started spinning.
More and more went down into me.
The bed was turning around and around faster and faster. I couldn't stand it.
I fell asleep.
--------
On the other side of my door that night was a scared and awfully curious brother. That whole night through my dream I could hear him knocking. I could hear him crying. I could hear him calling himself a failure. I tell you now from the inside of my heart and soul that Michael is anything but a failure.
Not many brothers would take care of their little sisters' once they're parents had died.
He wanted me to have the best of everything. Kinda like a guardian angel would. The last thing he wanted to was see me get hurt and because of what happened nights ago his ego and confidence in being the "OLDER SIBLING" had dropped dramatically.
I probably should have told him not to care.
It was my fault to be stupid enough to walk around there at night.
And it was most likely my fault for knowing that Al was likely to try take advantage of me again.
Tears came into my eyes. They wanted to be released. I fought back. They forced themselves out of the corners of my eyes until eventually they ran and poured down my face until I was asleep again. I needed right now what I had never had before. Family. Parentals. Someone to cry into... ..
I got that though when I heard a knock on my window. Or so I thought I did.
--------
"Stephanie we have to talk".
"Billie Joe there is nothing to talk about".
"Why cant you trust me on things like this?".
"Because BJ, how can I afford to waste my trust on you again?".
"Because you know that I love you".
"You don't".
"I do, I love you and I want this until the end".
I pulled my hand away from him and went towards the door.
"If you go out, Mike's going to be questioning you".
"I don't care".
I felt him come up and stand behind me.
"Don't go outside", I heard in a whisper.
I felt arms make they're way around my waist and gently breathing trickle down the neck.
I didn't want this, yet it felt so good
"Billie Joe just leave me".
"I'm not leaving you because I know you'll do something stupid"
"I'm not going to".
He was right. He knew me all to well. I would have become friends with that black handle and then who knows what might have happened that night. An intimate hug and a few gentle kisses down the neck later I decided that anything Mike was going to say would be way better then be in here with Billie. I placed my hand on the doorknob only to have it pulled off.
"I told you. Just stay here please?".
"I don't want to".
"Why not?".
"Just leave me Billie Joe".
"I'm not leaving until you find out how I feel".
I turned to look at him. The darkness covered him almost completely. I looked over at the wall closest to me. there were two teenage silhouettes on the wall. Almost like it was the perfect scene for romance in the movie between two people.
"Bill-..".
"Shh".
"Bu-..".
"When I tell you the words I love you, I mean it. Every-time I'm quiet it means I'm listening to you. Every-time we're not arguing it means you're right and I'm wrong. Every-time I look at you I realize I have everything I want and that you're the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen in my existence. Then we're together and you're resting against me I have the world and right now I'm telling you I cant live with out you and I'm meaning that I want use to be together until we're done. Please you have to trust me and believe my words".
I looked up at him. The green of his eyes shone in the darkness. I didn't know what to say. There was two possibilities.
He was telling the truth or...
He was lying to me again.
I wanted my world to be technicoloured again.
I wanted my world to be;
Red
Green
Yellow
Purple
Blue
Orange
Aqua
Lavender
Burgundy
Lime
Gold
Violet
I wanted happiness more then anything that you could ever imagine.
The only thing I wasn't sure about was him.
I mean I loved him
He took my love and betrayed it.
He took my trust as well.
I walked over to the bed and laid back down hearing creaking before he was there in front of me. So badly I wanted to go but so badly I wanted to stay. Be it either fate or planned I ended up in his arms crying myself back to sleep. He stayed with me the whole night. Gently taking care of me and watching over me like an angel sent to me. I had what I loved but it didn't feel the same.
There was someone awkward.
There was something not right.
The closer he held me the better I started to feel.
Soon enough we were asleep and perfect.
Just like old times
Like when we loved eachother[b].
That night was a quiet one, well would have been if we weren't woken by gun shots followed by my [b]brother's name being screamed... ...
It was cold.
It was dark.
I was alone.
I pulled the covers that laid over me higher in an attempt to keep warm but it didn't seem to help. Something was missing. It had been driving me crazy over the last few days and I needed it back. The only problem was I knew what was missing and I knew I wouldn't get it back.
What was missing was love.
I had lost everything. My world was dark and it was going nowhere. At least that's how it felt to me. I couldn't believe that I was down like this. Depressed wouldn't be how you'd describe it. More like an emotional let down of turmoil and pandemonium. I guess though this was the way it had to be. I wasn't going to get my life back the way it was. I don't think I would even want my life to be the way it was, but I guess it was better then everything else. I mean, I had love, I had friendship and I had dreams and beliefs. They had all gone now and all I really had to focus on now was the darkness of my bedroom, a knife, some pills and a computer administrator that is ruining my life.
Lets run though my list again;
Darkness of my bedroom: I guess its just nice to be alone
A knife: I could make best friends with that black handle.
Pills: No not to overdose they're for my stomach cramps
Administrator: cos he's in my mind.
I walked over to the draw and leant down opening the bottom one. I pulled out some of the alcohol that had been stored in there from when Michael had hosted that god-forsaken party of his.
I pulled it out.
It was still cold.
I started to drink.
My problems seemed to disappear and fade away.
I drank more.
The room started spinning.
More and more went down into me.
The bed was turning around and around faster and faster. I couldn't stand it.
I fell asleep.
--------
On the other side of my door that night was a scared and awfully curious brother. That whole night through my dream I could hear him knocking. I could hear him crying. I could hear him calling himself a failure. I tell you now from the inside of my heart and soul that Michael is anything but a failure.
Not many brothers would take care of their little sisters' once they're parents had died.
He wanted me to have the best of everything. Kinda like a guardian angel would. The last thing he wanted to was see me get hurt and because of what happened nights ago his ego and confidence in being the "OLDER SIBLING" had dropped dramatically.
I probably should have told him not to care.
It was my fault to be stupid enough to walk around there at night.
And it was most likely my fault for knowing that Al was likely to try take advantage of me again.
Tears came into my eyes. They wanted to be released. I fought back. They forced themselves out of the corners of my eyes until eventually they ran and poured down my face until I was asleep again. I needed right now what I had never had before. Family. Parentals. Someone to cry into... ..
I got that though when I heard a knock on my window. Or so I thought I did.
--------
"Stephanie we have to talk".
"Billie Joe there is nothing to talk about".
"Why cant you trust me on things like this?".
"Because BJ, how can I afford to waste my trust on you again?".
"Because you know that I love you".
"You don't".
"I do, I love you and I want this until the end".
I pulled my hand away from him and went towards the door.
"If you go out, Mike's going to be questioning you".
"I don't care".
I felt him come up and stand behind me.
"Don't go outside", I heard in a whisper.
I felt arms make they're way around my waist and gently breathing trickle down the neck.
I didn't want this, yet it felt so good
"Billie Joe just leave me".
"I'm not leaving you because I know you'll do something stupid"
"I'm not going to".
He was right. He knew me all to well. I would have become friends with that black handle and then who knows what might have happened that night. An intimate hug and a few gentle kisses down the neck later I decided that anything Mike was going to say would be way better then be in here with Billie. I placed my hand on the doorknob only to have it pulled off.
"I told you. Just stay here please?".
"I don't want to".
"Why not?".
"Just leave me Billie Joe".
"I'm not leaving until you find out how I feel".
I turned to look at him. The darkness covered him almost completely. I looked over at the wall closest to me. there were two teenage silhouettes on the wall. Almost like it was the perfect scene for romance in the movie between two people.
"Bill-..".
"Shh".
"Bu-..".
"When I tell you the words I love you, I mean it. Every-time I'm quiet it means I'm listening to you. Every-time we're not arguing it means you're right and I'm wrong. Every-time I look at you I realize I have everything I want and that you're the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen in my existence. Then we're together and you're resting against me I have the world and right now I'm telling you I cant live with out you and I'm meaning that I want use to be together until we're done. Please you have to trust me and believe my words".
I looked up at him. The green of his eyes shone in the darkness. I didn't know what to say. There was two possibilities.
He was telling the truth or...
He was lying to me again.
I wanted my world to be technicoloured again.
I wanted my world to be;
Red
Green
Yellow
Purple
Blue
Orange
Aqua
Lavender
Burgundy
Lime
Gold
Violet
I wanted happiness more then anything that you could ever imagine.
The only thing I wasn't sure about was him.
I mean I loved him
He took my love and betrayed it.
He took my trust as well.
I walked over to the bed and laid back down hearing creaking before he was there in front of me. So badly I wanted to go but so badly I wanted to stay. Be it either fate or planned I ended up in his arms crying myself back to sleep. He stayed with me the whole night. Gently taking care of me and watching over me like an angel sent to me. I had what I loved but it didn't feel the same.
There was someone awkward.
There was something not right.
The closer he held me the better I started to feel.
Soon enough we were asleep and perfect.
Just like old times
Like when we loved eachother[b].
That night was a quiet one, well would have been if we weren't woken by gun shots followed by my [b]brother's name being screamed... ...
