First Kiss, chapter 11
He had been out of my life for almost 6 months now, and I still couldn't get over it. I didn't understand why I couldn't get over him; I mean he was gone now. He was dating Kaylee from my work place and I barely saw him anymore.
I wondered if he felt the same.
I mean you know, if he had any feelings at all for me or about me.
I couldn't get him out of my head and it was only making my heart ache more.
I watched the rain hit the window harder and faster seeming as if it was trying to break though.
All I needed was love and at the moment it was from the wrong person.
I continued to watch Billie Joe from my bedroom window in the rain with Kaylee. I knew they had just come back from a date and I knew that he could sense someone was watching him. Not that I stalker watched him; it was just weird in a way but also fascinating to see how he reacted around other people.
I know what you're probably thinking.
"What a weirdo. She cant even get over a guy who fooled around with her".
Its not like that though.
Billie means more to me then just a fling.
He means more to me then what most things in this world do.
And if he's going to be happy then I guess I should be as well.
The only thing is, is that he's what makes me happy and at the moment I cant have that.
I turned back over in my bed. Tre was still asleep there from last night.
Poor thing was so wasted that he couldn't even count how many fingers there was on each hand of his. I liked the fact that Tre and I were only friends and that's how we would stay. I mean if we weren't I probably would have fucked up any relationship we had or could have had. I watched him sleep like an angel. So peaceful and tranquil. There was nothing that could spoil the moment. I laid back down next to him cuddling up for warmth as I gently and quickly fell asleep.
Billie continued to stay out in the rain with Kaylee. I really didn't think much off it that night to tell you the truth. All I wanted for once was a full night's sleep without being awoken, since for the last 6 months I hadn't gotten it. I'm pretty sure I would have gotten that if it wasn't for a door in the hall way to open up and creak.
I got out of bed as usual when I heard something that wasn't right. I swear it was my mind playing tricks on my most of the time but I couldn't help but be cautious as its just the way I was. This time it wasn't a usual creak. Weight could be heard with it. So I knew for sure someone was coming into the room. I threw on a pair of pants and a hoodie quickly so I looked half decent even if someone was here to murder me and walked out into the hallway.
It was dark.
I was alone.
I felt fearless.
I heard a few more creaks and some shuffling before a light sound of breathing.
I was still in the dark.
I wasn't alone.
I was full of trepidation.
I carefully continued walked down the hall. So many memories hung on the walls, yet again so many memories brought back shock and disgust. Pictures of my parents made me wish they were alive again. They made me wish that I could see Michael happy again. They made me wish that we could be a 'proper' family once again.
I continued to follow my conscious towards where the noises came from.
Slowly and slowly my heart beat began to run faster and faster.
I knew there was nothing that could hurt me, then again who knew what was behind the door.
My life started to re-run in circles inside my head. Over and over and over again.
It was daunting. So many memories I didn't want came into my head. Tears started to swell into my eyes. I had to hold them back. It was becoming darker.
Sometimes I wondered why I won the sperm race. I mean if life was going to treat me like it had over all these years I didn't see why I should have been bothered being born. I swear the administration team working for the man that controls my life and my head is going to be sacked. As tears slowly started coming out I could feel someone else or something else coming closer to me. I needed to know what it was.
I felt something place a hand over my mouth
------------
I had the biggest urge to scream but didn't, I knew it would only make things worse. I felt the thing bring itself close to me. I didn't know whether to die right there or to just play dead for a while.
"Did I scare you?".
"Billie Joe you jerk... .".
A mischievous snigger came from his mouth. I knew he was only up to fun and games but it had scared the life out of me and he knew it had.
Being it planned or accidental I slid against the wall down to the ground having him kneel down in front of me. This was the closest we had been in months and I didn't want to ruin anything. As tears slowly started to be released from my eyes he pushed my hair back gently and seemed to smile. I dropped my head and wiped my eyes gently sniffling.
"How was your date?".
"Ordinary. How have you been?".
"Average I guess".
Inside of me was the biggest urge to hug him. No not even hug, just to old him and claim him as mine again. I still wondered if he had any feelings from anything we had done together. I mean it couldn't just be me thinking and feeling like this. Some how awkwardly I heard tears streaming into his eyes.
"Is something wrong?", I asked curiously.
He shook his head and didn't speak a word.
I gently pushed his hair back letting my eyes look into his with some kind of teenage admiration and awe. I loved the way they shone a bright green when he was crying or emotional and the way they turned hazel at night under the stars, or the way they almost looked brown when photographs had been taken.
"I missed you".
"I missed you too BJ".
His words came out so innocently and naively. I didn't know whether to believe him or to wonder if he was just tricking me.
"No I mean it. I still miss you".
That was all a little too much. Now I knew he must be faking it. I got up and attempted to walk away but was pulled back by the emotional teen.
"Steph, please just listen to me".
"Billie Joe don't try and confuse my feelings they're already hay-wire at the moment".
"I'm not I'm telling you how I feel".
"I know you don't feel like this, you're to in-love with Kaylee".
"I'm not in-love with her".
"Well it sure seems it".
We both went into an awkward silence, that was until a few minutes later he started speaking again.
"I try to act like I don't love you, but I can't help it".
"Billie don't you're-... ".
"Shhh", he said quietly placing a finger firmly on my lips to keep me quiet.
"I know how I feel".
"You don't, you're just confusing yourse-... ".
A kiss took over the moment.
It wasn't meant to happen.
It was immoral.
It was adultery.
Yes it was perfect.
"Steph, I'm sorry, i-... ".
"I'm sorry were we talking?"... ..
Another adulterous kiss brought us together in the darkness.
"I'll see you in the morning".
"No just stay here tonight before I have to go act all happy with Kaylee".
"So she does mean something to you".
"Steph its not like that... ".
"No I get it BJ. I'm a fling. I'm always going to be second for you, I understand how you don't have to change it its fine".
I began to start getting up in order to leave.
"Steph it's not like that", I heard a mumble say before I felt myself back against the wall in the hallway.
"Billie let me go".
"No, not until I get the truth into your head".
Slowly warm breath trickled up my neck. The hall didn't seem as dark anymore. My heart didn't seem as sunk or punctured either. It was full and alive and working the way it should be.
Another kiss made everything make sense. It was perfect. All we needed was each other.
"I should go, I have to see people in the morning and arrange things".
"Night BJ".
That night was awkward. I made my way back to a sleeping Tre hoping that what happened wouldn't be a dream when I woke up. It was perfect but I knew Billie wouldn't give up perfection for reality. That night I cried myself to sleep although my life felt techni-coloured.
I was in confusion.
I felt lost.
I was in-love... ... ... ... ..
For the moment anyway... .
For tomorrow would bring a new day and a new beginning... ... .
I wondered if he felt the same.
I mean you know, if he had any feelings at all for me or about me.
I couldn't get him out of my head and it was only making my heart ache more.
I watched the rain hit the window harder and faster seeming as if it was trying to break though.
All I needed was love and at the moment it was from the wrong person.
I continued to watch Billie Joe from my bedroom window in the rain with Kaylee. I knew they had just come back from a date and I knew that he could sense someone was watching him. Not that I stalker watched him; it was just weird in a way but also fascinating to see how he reacted around other people.
I know what you're probably thinking.
"What a weirdo. She cant even get over a guy who fooled around with her".
Its not like that though.
Billie means more to me then just a fling.
He means more to me then what most things in this world do.
And if he's going to be happy then I guess I should be as well.
The only thing is, is that he's what makes me happy and at the moment I cant have that.
I turned back over in my bed. Tre was still asleep there from last night.
Poor thing was so wasted that he couldn't even count how many fingers there was on each hand of his. I liked the fact that Tre and I were only friends and that's how we would stay. I mean if we weren't I probably would have fucked up any relationship we had or could have had. I watched him sleep like an angel. So peaceful and tranquil. There was nothing that could spoil the moment. I laid back down next to him cuddling up for warmth as I gently and quickly fell asleep.
Billie continued to stay out in the rain with Kaylee. I really didn't think much off it that night to tell you the truth. All I wanted for once was a full night's sleep without being awoken, since for the last 6 months I hadn't gotten it. I'm pretty sure I would have gotten that if it wasn't for a door in the hall way to open up and creak.
I got out of bed as usual when I heard something that wasn't right. I swear it was my mind playing tricks on my most of the time but I couldn't help but be cautious as its just the way I was. This time it wasn't a usual creak. Weight could be heard with it. So I knew for sure someone was coming into the room. I threw on a pair of pants and a hoodie quickly so I looked half decent even if someone was here to murder me and walked out into the hallway.
It was dark.
I was alone.
I felt fearless.
I heard a few more creaks and some shuffling before a light sound of breathing.
I was still in the dark.
I wasn't alone.
I was full of trepidation.
I carefully continued walked down the hall. So many memories hung on the walls, yet again so many memories brought back shock and disgust. Pictures of my parents made me wish they were alive again. They made me wish that I could see Michael happy again. They made me wish that we could be a 'proper' family once again.
I continued to follow my conscious towards where the noises came from.
Slowly and slowly my heart beat began to run faster and faster.
I knew there was nothing that could hurt me, then again who knew what was behind the door.
My life started to re-run in circles inside my head. Over and over and over again.
It was daunting. So many memories I didn't want came into my head. Tears started to swell into my eyes. I had to hold them back. It was becoming darker.
Sometimes I wondered why I won the sperm race. I mean if life was going to treat me like it had over all these years I didn't see why I should have been bothered being born. I swear the administration team working for the man that controls my life and my head is going to be sacked. As tears slowly started coming out I could feel someone else or something else coming closer to me. I needed to know what it was.
I felt something place a hand over my mouth
------------
I had the biggest urge to scream but didn't, I knew it would only make things worse. I felt the thing bring itself close to me. I didn't know whether to die right there or to just play dead for a while.
"Did I scare you?".
"Billie Joe you jerk... .".
A mischievous snigger came from his mouth. I knew he was only up to fun and games but it had scared the life out of me and he knew it had.
Being it planned or accidental I slid against the wall down to the ground having him kneel down in front of me. This was the closest we had been in months and I didn't want to ruin anything. As tears slowly started to be released from my eyes he pushed my hair back gently and seemed to smile. I dropped my head and wiped my eyes gently sniffling.
"How was your date?".
"Ordinary. How have you been?".
"Average I guess".
Inside of me was the biggest urge to hug him. No not even hug, just to old him and claim him as mine again. I still wondered if he had any feelings from anything we had done together. I mean it couldn't just be me thinking and feeling like this. Some how awkwardly I heard tears streaming into his eyes.
"Is something wrong?", I asked curiously.
He shook his head and didn't speak a word.
I gently pushed his hair back letting my eyes look into his with some kind of teenage admiration and awe. I loved the way they shone a bright green when he was crying or emotional and the way they turned hazel at night under the stars, or the way they almost looked brown when photographs had been taken.
"I missed you".
"I missed you too BJ".
His words came out so innocently and naively. I didn't know whether to believe him or to wonder if he was just tricking me.
"No I mean it. I still miss you".
That was all a little too much. Now I knew he must be faking it. I got up and attempted to walk away but was pulled back by the emotional teen.
"Steph, please just listen to me".
"Billie Joe don't try and confuse my feelings they're already hay-wire at the moment".
"I'm not I'm telling you how I feel".
"I know you don't feel like this, you're to in-love with Kaylee".
"I'm not in-love with her".
"Well it sure seems it".
We both went into an awkward silence, that was until a few minutes later he started speaking again.
"I try to act like I don't love you, but I can't help it".
"Billie don't you're-... ".
"Shhh", he said quietly placing a finger firmly on my lips to keep me quiet.
"I know how I feel".
"You don't, you're just confusing yourse-... ".
A kiss took over the moment.
It wasn't meant to happen.
It was immoral.
It was adultery.
Yes it was perfect.
"Steph, I'm sorry, i-... ".
"I'm sorry were we talking?"... ..
Another adulterous kiss brought us together in the darkness.
"I'll see you in the morning".
"No just stay here tonight before I have to go act all happy with Kaylee".
"So she does mean something to you".
"Steph its not like that... ".
"No I get it BJ. I'm a fling. I'm always going to be second for you, I understand how you don't have to change it its fine".
I began to start getting up in order to leave.
"Steph it's not like that", I heard a mumble say before I felt myself back against the wall in the hallway.
"Billie let me go".
"No, not until I get the truth into your head".
Slowly warm breath trickled up my neck. The hall didn't seem as dark anymore. My heart didn't seem as sunk or punctured either. It was full and alive and working the way it should be.
Another kiss made everything make sense. It was perfect. All we needed was each other.
"I should go, I have to see people in the morning and arrange things".
"Night BJ".
That night was awkward. I made my way back to a sleeping Tre hoping that what happened wouldn't be a dream when I woke up. It was perfect but I knew Billie wouldn't give up perfection for reality. That night I cried myself to sleep although my life felt techni-coloured.
I was in confusion.
I felt lost.
I was in-love... ... ... ... ..
For the moment anyway... .
For tomorrow would bring a new day and a new beginning... ... .
